SOS Newsletter Fall 2013 Final

7/27/2019 SOS Newsletter Fall 2013 Final

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Life. Wow what a ride!Some days its a lazy tripthrough my routine. Somedays its a hectic, chaoticrace to get everythingdone, with me, as the say-ing goes, sliding sideways,thoroughly used up intobed that night. Its neverknowing when I wake upwhat the day will hold.

But you, of all people,know what I am talking

about. You hang on astight as you can, just tomake it to the next sunrise,but you never give up.

Friends, Family and well-meaning strangers give youall kinds of good advice onhow to make it better. Atthe end of the day, though,your feelings and thoughtsare still there, as they werewhen you started out thatmorning.

All the coping strategiesbegin with eating right andexercising. I cant eatright now. I cant workout today. You know thatsome days even the sim-plest things like eating ortaking a walk are beyondwhat you can do. What areyou supposed to do withthese days?

Resiliency: Missouri S.O.S. Team

Ray WadleySupport Coordinator

Jefferson City(573) 638-9500 ext. 7784

[email protected]

Regina TurnerSupport Coordinator

Springfield(417) 496-7940

[email protected]

Robert SheahanSupport Coordinator

East St. Louis

(618) [email protected]

Sharon AdamsSupport Coordinator

Ft. Leavenworth(913) 684-2821

[email protected]

Mark RamseyFinancial Counselor

Ft. Leavenworth(913) 684-2820

[email protected]

Mark DunlopFinancial CounselorFt. Leonard Wood(573) 596-0212

[email protected]

Jody CarmackSupport CoordinatorFt. Leonard Wood(573) 596-0212

[email protected]

There are only twothings you can do, eithergive in or fight. Realitycheck: some days are givein days and some days arefight days. When you arefeeling like you dont wantto give in today, but youdont have what it takes tofight it, what then? Youwant to be resilient, but itis just not happening.

Here is one resiliency tipthat everyone can do with-out even thinking. I amnot the expert, but I dohave something that worksfor me. Breathe.

That is it, just breathe.When you have masteredthis, pat yourself on theback- say great job andenjoy this victory!

Ok, stop rolling youreyes. Some days we need avictory, no matter how

small, take it and be proudof it. This you can control.Use it as the jumping offpoint for the next steptoward healing. Then,when things kick you backa couple steps, just breatheand do it all again.

In a book I found,Accep-tance Therapyby Lisa Engel-

hardt, there are a couple ofsayings that I take to heart.The first relates to what Ijust talked about: Relaxand breathe. Breathe inthe love instilled into thisspeck of time and creation.Breathe out fear. Theworst thing that could hap-pen has already visited yourdoor. Breathe out thatfear, it is just dragging youdown. Get rid of it.

The other is, Be open togrowth. The hard seeds ofmisfortune blossom intothe flowers of courage andcompassion. Courage canbe as simple as being therefor someone. You maynot feel courageous, butyou are that someoneshero. A heart needs to feelgood. Open yours upagain, even if just a little,and let your compassion

for others have a chance tobreathe and grow. Youmay be that one gentle,knowing smile or kind,understanding touch thatgets someone else throughtheir day.

One step at a time, oneday at a time. You can dothis, I have complete confi-dence in you!

Fort Leonard Wood, MO

Fall 2013

New Support Groups

Survivor Outreach Services at Ft. Leonard Wood will offer Military Survivor SupportGroups beginning in January 2014. Each group runs 10 sessions over a five month pe-riod. Each group will meet twice a month from 11:30am-1:00pm. There will be fourdifferent groups: KIA Spouses-14 Jan thru 27 May; KIA Parents-7 Jan thru 20 May;Sudden/Violent Death Spouses15 Jan thru 28 May; and Sudden/Violent DeathParents8 Jan thru 21 May. These are over the lunch period, so feel free to bring yourmeal and eat while we work. All groups will be held at the Army Community Servicebuilding, 486 Replacement Avenue on Ft. Leonard Wood. For more information or toregister for a group, please contact Jody Carmack.

We become what we thinkabout. A mans life is what

his thoughts make of it.Earl Nightingale
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]


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For the Kiddos . . .

Big Brothers Big SistersMilitary Mentoring Pro-

gram Overview(As of June 18, 2013)

The Big Brothers BigSisters (BBBS) MilitaryMentoring Program(MMP) supports children(ages 9-17) of active-dutymilitary personnel of allbranches and compo-nents, including NationalGuard and Reserve, on or

off base.

BBBS mentoring canprovide an added layer ofsupport to children ofmilitary families who mayface extraordinary chal-lenges and stresses be-cause of multiple reloca-tions, parent deployment,or other realities of mili-tary life. We also servechildren who have lost aparent or have had a par-ent return from combat

wounded.

Our MMP matchesadult mentors (volunteersfrom fields such as educa-tion, business and gov-ernment, as well as activeor retired military person-nel, cadets, or reservists)with children of militaryfamilies, then profession-ally supports and engagesthe volunteer, child, andthe childs family.

Our service model fo-cuses on quality matchesand this process takestime. Our staff carefullymatches adult volunteermentors with youth men-tees in long-term, one-to-one friendships and pro-vide professional supportfor the volunteers, chil-dren and familiesthroughout the life of thematch.

Additionally, our MMP:

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Mix a little foolishness into

your serious plans. It is lovely

to be silly at the right

moment. Horace

*Reinforces the childsconnection with the

parent and community.

*Respects and acknowl-edges the value of mili-tary values (Loyalty,Duty, Respect, SelflessService, Honor, Excel-lence, etc.) as aplatform for the childspersonal development(emotional, mental andphysical).

*Facilitates K12 andpost-K12 achievement(education and skills).Point of contact is Col.(Ret.) Rodney Davis,Director of MilitaryMentoring at [email protected](757) 477-7763.

On Ft. LeonardWood:

Thursday Nights:

FAMILY BOWLINGXTREME NIGHT

Bring the family to Daugherty

Bowling Center Thursdays from

7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Enjoy 2

hours of Xtreme bowling, lights

and music for $25 per lane (6

people per lane, shoes included).

For more information call 596-

1498.

November 16, 2013

FLW Community

Spouses Club Annual

Craft & Antique Fair

Featuring Antiques & Original

Handmade crafts, Hot Food at

Santas Kitchen , Baked Goods at

Mrs. Claus Pantry, Santa Claus

at 1230, Saturday, at 9am-4pm

Nutter Field House, FLW. Tohelp Fort Wood Community

Spouses Club raise funds for our

local Community Scholarship and

Community Outreach programs.

Snowball Express provides an expense-paid trip to Dallas, TX each year to al-

low kids (and a guardian) to spend time with other kids who also have a military

parent who died while on active duty. 12-16 Dec 2013. Call (214) 665-9567 for

info. Register NOW! http://www.snowballexpress.org/home

Camp Erin, created and funded by The Moyer Foundation, is the largest na-tionwide network of free bereavement camps for children and teens ages 6-17who have experienced the death of someone close to them.

It is a weekend-long experience filled with traditional, fun camp activities com-bined with grief education and emotional support and facilitated by grief profes-sionals and trained volunteers.

Children have an opportunity to address their feelings and memorialize their

loved ones. They are provided with the tools and resources needed during andafter camp, including memories and friendships that last long after camp is com-plete. St. Louis Camp at (314) 965-5015 or Kansas City Camp (816) 363-2600https://www.moyerfoundation.org/programs/CampErin_About.aspx

October 19, 2013

Rolla Arts and Crafts Festival,9 a.m.- 4 p.m.

600 Pine Street, Rolla, MOAs autumn splendor arrives

in Rolla, so do the talentsof area craft vendors. Forthis day-long event, the

downtown streets are linedwith more than 75 food and

craft booths. Join us for aday of food, fun and

shopping.

If you want to lift yourselfup, lift up someone else.Booker T. Washington
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]


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Financial Information for Survivors . . .

Things You Can Do To Avoid Fraud

Scam artists use clever schemes to defraud millions of people across the globe each year, threatening financialsecurity and generating substantial profits for criminal organizations and common crooks. They use phone, email,postal mail, and the Internet to cross geographic boundaries and trick victims into sending money or giving outpersonal information.

While con artists can be clever, many can be foiled by knowledgeableand equally cannyconsumers. Hereare 10 things you can do to stop a scam.

Dont respond to messages that ask for your personal or financial information, whether the message

comes as an email, a phone call, a text message, or an ad. Dont click on links in the message, or call phonenumbers that are left on your answering machine, either. The crooks behind these messages are trying to trick youinto giving up your personal information. If you get a message and are concerned about your account status, callthe number on your credit or debit cardor your statementand check it out.

Read your bills and monthly statements regularlyon paper and online. Scammers steal account infor-mation and then run up charges or commit crimes in your name. Dishonest merchants sometimes bill you formonthly membership fees and other goods or services you didnt authorize. If you see charges you dont recog-nize or didnt okay, contact your bank, card issuer, or other creditor immediately.

In the wake of a natural disaster or another crisis, give to established charities rather than one thatseems to have sprung up overnight. Pop-up charities probably dont have the infrastructure to get help to theaffected areas or people, and they could be collecting the money to finance illegal activity. Checkhttp://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scamsto learn more.

Talk to your doctor before buying health products or signing up for medical treatments. Ask about re-search that supports a products claims and possible risks or side effects. Buy prescription drugs only from li-censed U.S. pharmacies. Otherwise, you could end up with products that are fake, expired or mislabeledin

short, products that could be dangerous. Visit ftc.gov/health for more information.One bonus tip: http://www.onguardonline.gov/to learn how to avoid internet fraud, secure your computer

and protect your personal information.

To File a Complaint: Law enforcement agencies work together to stop scammers and provide consumers withthe information they need to avoid fraud. If you believe you have been scammed, file a complaint with the FederalTrade Commission at ftc.gov, or call 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357); TTY: 1-866-653-4621.

We all have topics we would like to know moreabout. If money is one area you are interested in, visit:www.mymoney.gov. MyMoney.gov is the U.S. gov-ernment's website dedicated to teaching all Americansthe basics about financial education. Whether you arebuying a home, balancing your checkbook, or invest-ing in your 401(k), the resources on MyMoney.gov canhelp you maximize your financial decisions.

With the tornado in Joplin, the flood in Waynesvilleand other life changing events, we all could use a help-ing hand from time to time. Charities are available toeither donate to or provide assistance to you.http://ago.mo.gov/checkacharity/

This website will help you to check on a charity inMissouri to which you may want to donate, or you canfind out what their mission is.

Dine & Dial Financial Information Teleconferences will be held at 7:00 pm on:22 Jan 2014Tax Preparation for Survivors

23 April 2014Avoiding FraudTo participate: 1-218-936-4141 code 7681905 For more information call Mark Dunlop
http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scamshttp://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scamshttp://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scamshttp://www.onguardonline.gov/http://www.onguardonline.gov/http://ago.mo.gov/checkacharity/http://ago.mo.gov/checkacharity/http://ago.mo.gov/checkacharity/http://www.onguardonline.gov/http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scamshttp://www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0011-charity-scams


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They were the biggest, ugliest, most terrifying shoes I had ever seen. Up until almost two years ago I had not

been really close to them, but had seen them from a distance. They looked as if they could swallow a person en-tirely. There was also the look of discomfort, as if the person who wore them would always be weary. The shoeswere made for a long journey, a never ending journey of grief. Each pair of shoes had their own uniqueness tothem, their own set of trials, and their own pain.

I looked down and saw that I was wearing a pair of those shoes. No one ever wants to wear the shoes but we areoften thrust in them without any warning. There are also times where they are slowly put on us but again withoutour consent. The shoes feel as if they grow at times and suck you down within them, as if falling in a pit. At othertimes they are so tight that each movement stabs the wearer with pain. Sometimes the pain comes from certainparts of the shoes and at other times it is all encompassing. Try as you might, you cant remove the shoes. They areyours for the rest of your life. All you can do is try to learn ways of dealing with some of the pain, develop copingmechanisms, and keep walking.

There are also times that the shoes seem to grow weights, wearing the person down so much that it is almostimpossible to move. People always talk about how strong a person is wearing the shoes and, believe me, they haveno idea how much strength it takes to wear them every day for the rest of your life. The strength is not so much inwearing them but in keeping the memory of our child alive. It takes so much inner strength to keep up the fight, tocontinue walking down this rough road, and to keep their memory alive. All we can do is keep walking.

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Walking a mile or a lifetimeby Pamela Hengen, Proud Mom of PFC Matthew England

Veterans Administration

Summary of Benefits

This table provides a broad overview of the eligibility requirementsfor Dependents and Survivors benefits. Use this table to determinethe benefits that you mightqualify for and seek out more informa-

tion about eligibility criteria, as well as how to apply.S=Spouse, C=Child, P=Parent.

Survivor Recognition

Installation Access Cards

The Army has approved the creation and im-

plementation of the Gold Star Installation Ac-

cess Card. This portable form of identificationfor Survivors with no military ID, will expedite

access onto Army installations worldwide and

provide a way for the military community to rec-

ognize and honor you for your and your Service

members sacrifice. Thisdoes not, however, give

any privileges for the PX, Commissary or access

to post if the Threat Condition is elevated. We

still have the vehicle decals available if you would

like one of these, also.

SOS Vehicle Decals

These are for recognition purposes and are

available to our Survivors. They are displayed

on your vehicle in the bottom left-hand corner or

upper center of your vehicle windshield.

Contact Jody Carmack or Sharon Adams for

information on obtaining either of these symbols.


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If you know of fellow Survivors that have not been contacted by SOS, please let us know. Theymay be in your neighborhood or in another country. They may be your friend or a Family mem-ber. Call or email us and we can help them get connected! We do not want to leave anyone out;everyone needs a little extra support or care from time to time. It does not matter what yourbranch of service is. Contact any SOS for help finding the SOS program nearest to them.

Memorial Grove on Ft. Leonard WoodThe Military Po-

lice Corps, Chemical Corps and Engineer Corps have sepa-rate areas dedicated to their Fallen Soldiers. Veterans Memo-

rial brings the three existing memorials together with a central

alley effect sidewalk -- the Veterans' Memorial being the cen-

tral hub. Linda and Larry Barnett, proud parents of SSG Jon-

nie Stiles, helped dedicate the addition of the flags and the all

campaign stones by raising the Families flag that stands

with the other Service and MIA/POW Flags.

I need your help!!! Most of you have talents that

you can share with us. I am looking for photos and

drawings you or someone you love has taken or drawn,

poems and short stories that you or someone you love

wrote and your favorite quotes or sayings. I will use

these in future newsletters, Anniversary Cards,Christmas Cards and other outreach materials.

Please send these to Jody Carmack.

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Matthews Pond

Designed, built and written by Proud Mom, Pamela

On September 4, 2012, I began the project. At that time there

was so much anger within me, I did not know what to do. With

all of the emotions that are experienced with grief, I cant han-

dle the anger. I have never been an angry person so this one is

hard for me to deal with. One day I grabbed the pick and went

outside and just started pounding on the ground. Of course,

anyone who saw me would have thought I was totally crazy for

doing that but it did help expend some of that angry energy and

gave me something to direct it at. After a bit, I was asked what I

was doing. I replied that I was digging a pond. From that I had

to decide exactly how I wanted the pond/reflection area to

look. It came to me instantly. I wanted two intertwining ele-

ments: a teardrop and heart and another element consisting of

things related to Matthew.

Memories & Memorials . . .

Stop trying to beperfect. Youhave everythingyou need to bewho you aresupposed to be.Lisa Engelhardt

Wreaths Across Americais coming back to Ft. Leonard Wood on December 14, but also may be at a cemetery near you.

Visit http://www.wreathsacrossamerica.org or call (877) 385-9504 to find out.

With the Luminary Initiative for Gold Star Mothers Day, I wanted to

include luminaries in the memorial section of our newsletter to remind you

that you dont need big, expensive memorials to keep the memory of your

Service member alive. A pickle jar spray painted or wrapped in paper, a small

paper lunch bag, pretty much anything you can fit a small tea light or candle

stub into will work. Stencil the name of your loved one or cut out the shape

of your choice in the paper you wrap the jar with, tape their photo to the bag,

whatever works for you. You get to choose the nights you light these and

have them outside your home. We are shooting for Veterans Day and New

Years Eve as mass luminary nights. Take photos and send them to me!!


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SOS 2014 Annual Memorial Project

Missouri Survivors Treasure Chest

Your next memorial project will be a chest full of your most treasuredmemoires. We are asking for your favorite photo of your Service memberand an item or photo of the item that most reminds you of your loved oneor that your Service member cherished.

An example of the item would be a coffee thermos. Example of theexplanation:At my son SPC Nicolas Bookers funeral, Soldiers from

Ft. Riley were there and sent Nick off with a softball size bunch of dogtags linked together, a variety of rank and names from their uniforms,there were also cigarettes, a lighter, a letter, pink duct tape, a rubberducky and a thermos of coffee. You dont understand Mama, ShaneOwens said, The boy never went anywhere without his coffee. Shanesat with me holding that thermos through the whole service.

Please dont send the actual item you choose for the treasure chest.Either take a picture of it or find something like it to send me. I cantguarantee the safety of these treasures.

We will print each photo to 5x7 in black and white, place the name,rank, date of birth, date of death and reason you chose the item on theback of the photo. Each photo will be laminated and the item or pictureof the item will be attached with a ribbon, you choose the ribbon color.

If you have the picture of your Service member in digital form, great. Ifnot, I can scan the photo and use that. Please dont send me the originaljust in case it gets lost in the mail!

Your Missouri Survivors Treasure Chest will be displayed in my officewhen not on exhibit at one of our SOS Special Events.

If you have any questions, please contact

Jody Carmack at (573) 596-0195

Other SOS Annual Memorial ProjectsDont forget the other annual projects! The 2011, 2012 and 2013 are still open to you for memorializing your Service

member. All of our Annual Projects are open to ALL Survivors.For further information on any of these, please contact Jody Carmack.

2010 Missouri Survivors Memory QuiltA hand pieced red, white and blue quilt that holds the names of 71 of your lost loved ones. It stands 10 tall and is 20 wide.It is permanently displayed in the SOS office on Ft. Leonard Wood and makes appearances at special events. This project is

not open for further submissions.

2011 Missouri Survivors Memory BookYour memory book consists of stories, photos, letters, recipes, whatever you want to include as a way to share your lovedone with other Survivors and keep their memory alive. A display of some of the stories and photos makes appearances at

special events and copies of the book are available upon request.

2012 Missouri Survivors Honor VideoThis is a looping video where your loved one has one slide that includes a military photo if you have one, their military infor-

mation, awards and decorations plus a paragraph of who they were as a person. This is on permanent display in the Army

Community Service lobby and makes appearances at special events.2013 Missouri Survivors Freedom Flag

The Freedom Flag is a 6 tall, 8 wide stained glass flag that holds 390 glass tiles. We have 139 of these filled to date with thename, rank, date of birth, date of death, and branch of service of your loved ones. It is currently on display at the

Ft. Leonard Wood Clarke Library and will make appearances at special events.

2013 Angel Bell TreeLast year we began our Christmas ornament tradition featuring dog tags with little

angel wings and bells hanging from them. This year we are continuing the ornamentseries featuring little combat boots with angel wings and bells.

To include your loved one, please contact Jody Carmack.

SOS Newsletter Fall 2013 Final

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