What Women Want

A Husband's Guide to Understanding Passive AggressionFrom CreativeConflicts.com

Want to know the truth behind this crazy war between you and your wife? You know, that one where she can’t stop accusing you of some outrageous behavior called “passive aggression"?

What the heck is that, anyway?

Well, your confusion stops here.

In this short video, we'll start with the basics of what you need to know about passive aggression in your marriage.

Just another day in your marriage?

You forgot to bring something from the grocery store, so of course you sabotaged her dinner!

You prefer to watch TV when you get home, so of course you are ignoring her!

You made a money decision and then told her later. So, you are excluding her!

What a headache!

How do you respond?

Stay silent, and weather out the storm.

Say yes to all her requests. If she claims that you promise, but don’t deliver, have a ready list of excuses ("I got busy").

Yell back so that you shift the responsibility to her shoulders. Negative emotions keep her quiet.

Call her passive aggressive, too! After all, she's always unclear about what exactly she wants from you.

Is it working?

Whatever is your response tactic, it's “natural” for you. You expect not to be challenged doing this behavior.

This way, you teach your wife her role in your life. To keep peace at home, she needs to keep herself busy and not load you down with inconsiderate requests. Of course, she has to stop talking about "feelings"!

If you see yourself reflected in this situation, keep watching!

Signals of marital war

● Is there a distress climate at home?● Do you hear a lot of complaints? ● Is she banging pots and pans in the kitchen?● Does she looks unhappy and distressed?● Are there too many discussions at home?● Does she need to talk about you with her

family?

Why is she so angry all the time?

Your wife is angry at you... that is a reality!Why is she so angry? Well... it must be because she doesn't get what she needs from you, right?

So, we need to think about what she needs or wants from you and your marriage.

Ready for real answers to what women really want?

Number One

Women want peaceful communication, not a competition to decide “who is right."

Did your wife "go with the flow," saying "yes, dear" to all your requests?

Is anger a daily part of your life because she stopped "letting things go," and now she confronts you?

This could be why it seems like she's suddenly rejecting your authority in the home, and why you feel out of the loop in your own home.

Number Two

Women want emotional connection (the “chick lit guy”).

When you’re single, avoiding emotions may mean you can avoid getting close to the wrong people. But now, your wife feels that sharing emotions is part of the deal.

Yes, you could always resist and "stay true" to yourself.

WARNING: Given what we know women want, your choice to avoid emotions will condemn any relationship you try to have to failure. It's not a reprimand, but a fact that all men have to deal with.

Number Three

Women need a partner who commits. Committal is judged by her answers to some basic questions:

1. Does he give his all when we face challenges?2. Can he put other people’s needs ahead of his own?3. Can he deeply understand my needs and fears and act to solve or heal them??

You, and only you, know your true answers to these questions... If you got more than two negative answers, you know where you are, so keep watching!

"I'm still not passive aggressive."You may not admit that you have passive aggressive behaviors, but you can still admit that something is not right between you and your partner.

No matter what, at the moment you are watching this video, your marriage is at stake.

If you still haven't acted, try to think about what you are facing now. Something is wrong in your relationship: what can happen if you don’t fix it?

What if you are using passive aggression?

What's at stake for you if you agree with your wife?

We’ve been talking a lot about how passive aggression is taught to people by their parents.

In terms of origin, admitting to your (learned) behavior is not so very different from admitting to hereditary hair loss.

The challenge is that you have adopted this style, made it your personality and even got some benefits from it.

In either case...

If you didn’t mean to hurt someone, do you still have to take responsibility?

Unfortunately, being an adult means that you DO.

Even if you don’t agree with her needs, not meeting those needs hurts her deeply. You can’t tell her to stop looking to you just because her needs are different from yours.

Or would you rather divorce her and go out and find someone who is an exact copy of you, whom you can live with “safely”?

Why not marry a wall, if that’s the case?

Think about this:

Your wife has not rejected you yet.

Her behavior says she’s willing to work it out... if you will open up to healing your behavior, which is hurting her.

Isn’t some fear about being rejected better than ACTUALLY being rejected when you can’t face up to hurting your family?

We know it may take you a while. But every journey starts with a single step, and here you have the best next step.

What's next?

Our “Six-Step System to Stop Your Passive Aggression” is ready for you at: http://www.passiveaggressivetest.com/StopPANow/

But if you’re not ready to commit to such an undertaking, you can talk to one of our coaches at conflictcoach.me to see if the system is right for you and your family.

Whatever you do from here, it can only be seen as a positive move: You are taking responsibility for the future of the relationship! You are part of the solution now!

To your happiness!

Nora Femenia, Ph.D.http://NoraFemenia.com

Neil Warnerhttp://CreativeConflicts.com