62 AFFLUENT MAGAZINE

SOCIALIZING YOUR WAY TO LONGEVITY

By Debbie Mandel

his is the season of dinners, parties and structured celebrations. Many find

these joyful obligations stressful or annoying: “I dislike small talk and

walking around with a frozen smile” or “I know Aunt Helen is going to

interrogate me about my diet.” Have you become critical, as if you can’t

help but notice the flaws? Have you turned into Scrooge? Your negative perceptions

might be due to projection. Similarly, positive comments can be self-revealing. For

example, you are kinder to others when you are happy. Basically, you tend to see in

others traits similar to your own which

are fueled by mood. You just might be

turning into Aunt Helen!

Most things that upset your

equilibrium challenge your self-worth

in some way. Research conducted by

Dustin Wood, assistant professor of

psychology from Wake Forest, explains

that, “Your perceptions of others reveal

so much about your own personality.”

Consequently, if you are mostly biased

to what’s wrong as opposed to what’s

right, well, you can take it from there…

This is the season to turn on your inner

light. The holidays keep us spiritually

active, bring us together and create

inner warmth when the weather turns

cold and the days are shorter. Being

sociable along with volunteering is physically and emotionally vital for wellbeing.

In contrast, the type D personality, who is distant and distressed, is more prone to

disease and at risk for premature death. It is easier during this time of year to cocoon

indoors, experience some degree of Seasonal Affective Disorder and use the Internet

as a substitute for society. However, technology isn’t a good substitute for

relationships while family could be — first, you will need to get rid of your negativity

bias!

In a 10-year longevity study of people aged 70 and older, researchers at the Centre

for Ageing Studies at Flinders University in Australia concluded that a network of

good friends is more likely than close family relationships to increase longevity.

Apparently, one can choose his friends, but is often stuck with family. Other studies

from Harvard have arrived at the same conclusion. The solution is to make friends

with your family. The holidays provide an excellent opportunity — time and place —

to reconnect with your gene pool: to re-appreciate what you already have and will

always have, unlike friends who come and go in our lives or can turn into frenemies

betraying our vulnerable confidences.

Note: You tend to judge your family harshly while you justify the same words or

actions when they come from you. This season, stop reliving perceived

indiscretions. Try to see Aunt Helen’s honest comments as helpful or at least well-

intentioned. When you get annoyed, ask yourself: What’s going on in my life?

It really does take a village of friends and family to deal with daily stress. I don’t

want to stress you out, but chronic stress has been proven to shorten lives (as

evidenced by shortened telomeres on strands of DNA). In addition, stress exacerbates

pre-existing disease conditions, particularly of the autoimmune variety, due to the

inflammation process. And if one is depressed, lonely or anxious, stress causes self-

sabotage by reverting to unhealthy habits. On the other hand, being sociable with

friends and family can:

■ Help build immunity to externalpressure by having a support system —

how others would handle a similar

problem

■ Provide a positive lens when oneleans toward negative perception — to

help reframe personal bias toward

anger, resentment and worry

■ Physically contribute to wellbeingby helping with chores, money issues

and providing a network of “experts”

for guidance — like a well-run village

■ Promote a feeling of belonging to acommunity where one is not helpless

and hopeless, but rather can make a

unique contribution

Socializing has been ranked as beneficial for health on a par with exercise. Consider

this fusion therapy: Combine exercise with socializing by working out with others or

taking classes at a gym or community center for an amazing synergy. Take a walk

with family members after that big holiday dinner.

And if you are feeling alienated from humanity because of illness, disappointment,

sadness or job loss, compel yourself to interact with others. The minute you open up

about what you are feeling to another person, even your mother-in-law, you might

be surprised by the response: “I know what you mean. I felt the same way when…!”

You will feel the phoenix rising in you.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step

Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life, Changing Habits: The

Caregivers' Total Workout and Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body,

Mind and Soul, a stress-management specialist, host of the weekly Turn On

Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York and has been

featured on radio/TV and print media. To learn more, please visit her

educational site www.turnonyourinnerlight.com.

T

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