Social Styles

Raising self awareness and enhancing your influence

Professor Robert BontempoColumbia University Graduate School of Business

ASSERTIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to which you see yourself as tending to ask or as tending to tell as you interact with others.

.

ASK ASSERTIVEcautious and

reserved aboutsharing

opinions;questioning;

low-key, quiet

TELL ASSERTIVEopinionated,

forceful; makesstatements anddeclarations; directs actions

of others

ASKS ASKS TELLS TELLS

Ask Assertive• Slower pace• Fewer Statements• Quieter Volume• Non-Directive/Relaxed

Use of Hands• Leans Back• Indirect Eye Contact

ME

Tell Assertive• Faster Pace• More statements• Louder Volume• Directive Use of

Hands/Points for Emphasis

• Leans forward• Direct Eye Contact

Assertiveness

RESPONSIVENESS - is a measure of the degree to which you see yourself as tending to control - i.e. keep your feelings and emotions inside - or, it is the degree to which you emote - i.e. outward display your feelings and emotions with others.

CONTROLfocus on ideas, things, dataand tasks; tend not to share

feelings publicly

EMOTEreadily shares feelings;expresses anger, joy

happiness, hurt feelings

More Controlling• Monotone• Task Subjects• Facts/Data• Less Use of Hands• Rigid Posture• Controlled Facial

Expressions

More Emoting • Inflections• People Subjects• Opinions/Stories• More Use of Hands• Casual Posture• Animated Facial

Expressions

CO

NT

RO

LS

EM

OT

ES

ME

Responsiveness

CONTROLfocus on ideas, things, dataand tasks; tend not to share

feelings publicly

ASK ASSERTIVEcautious and

reserved aboutsharing

opinions;questioning;

low-key, quiet

TELL ASSERTIVEopinionated,

forceful; makesstatements anddeclarations; directs actions

of others

EMOTEreadily shares feelings;expresses anger, joy

happiness, hurt feelings

TELLS

CO

NT

RO

LS

EM

OT

ES

ASKS

1. Monotone2. Task Subjects3. Facts/Data4. Less Hand Movement5. Rigid Posture6. Controlled Facial Expressions

1. Slower Pace2. Fewer Statements3. Quieter Volume4. Non-directive/Relaxed Use of Hands5. Leans Back6. Indirect Eye Contact

1. Inflections2. People Subjects3. Opinions/Stories4. More Hand Movement5. Casual Posture6. Animated Facial Expressions

1. Faster Pace2. More Statements3. Louder Volume4. Directive Use of Hands/Points for Emphasis5. Leans Forward6. Direct Eye Contact

Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues

TELLS

CO

NT

RO

LS

EM

OT

ES

ASKS

Analytical

Amiable

Driving

Expressive

Social Styles

TELLS

CO

NT

RO

LS

EM

OT

ES

ASKS

Analytical

Amiable

Driving

Expressive

Logical

Thorough

Serious

Systematic

Prudent

Cooperative

Supportive

Diplomatic

Patient

Loyal

Pragmatic

Efficient

Decisive

Candid

Independent

Enthusiastic

Spontaneous

Outgoing

Fun loving

Persuasive

CONTROL

ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE

EMOTE

Driving StyleMore Telling + More Controlled Behavior

•Swift action•Maximum effort to control•Minimum concern for caution in relationships

•Present time frame•Direct action•Tends to avoid inaction

CONTROL

ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE

EMOTE

Expressive StyleMore Telling + More Emoting Behavior

•Rapid action•Maximum effort to involve•Minimum concern for routine

•Future time frame•Impulsive action•Tends to avoid isolation

CONTROL

ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE

EMOTE

Amiable StyleMore Asking + More Emoting Behavior

•Unhurried action•Maximum effort to relate•Minimum concern for affecting change

•Present time frame•Supportive action•Tends to avoid conflict

CONTROL

ASK ASSERTIVE TELL ASSERTIVE

EMOTE

Analytical StyleMore Asking + More Controlled Behavior

•Slow action•Maximum effort to organize•Minimum concern for relationships

•Historical time frame•Cautious action•Tends to avoid personal involvement

Style Strength Risk

Analytical

Amiable

Expressive

Driver

Precise, systematic

Supportive, easygoing

Enthusastic, imaginative

Determined, objective

Inflexible, nit picking

Conforming, permissive

Overbearing, unrealistic

Domineering, unfeeling

Style Risk Advice

Analytical

Amiable

Expressive

Driver

Inflexible, nit picking

Conforming, permissive

Overbearing, unrealistic

Domineering, unfeeling

Decide, take a stand

Set/achieve goals, challenge others to do their best

Restrain yourself

Listen to others

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Historical Evidence Data, and Experience

Relationship BasedTrust and Reassurance

Cost Benefit AnalysisPushing to Conclusion

Vivid Dramatic Testimony

DECISION MAKINGUses Facts

Uses Opinions

Takes RisksAvoids Risks

Reference: Williams and Miller (2002). Change the Way You Persuade, HBR.

If you are a…DriverRelate to your efficiency, logic, command of data, and task orientation.Question your haste, bossiness, decisiveness, competitive- ness, risk-taking.

To work better withAnalyticals:

1. Bring them detailed facts andlogic in writing.

2. Be patient while they evaluateand check the accuracy of thedata.

3. Help them come to conclu-sions by getting them to setdeadlines after you have pro-vided time for review.

They see you as action oriented, in a hurry, bossy, command- ing, efficient, stubborn, dis-

ciplined, tough, independent, secretive, logical, demanding, nonlistening, quick, decisive, unfeeling.

To work better withfellow Drivers:

Agree in advance on specific goals, and provide freedom to work within these limits. An

unproductive deadlock can occur when there is too much dominance and no allowance for independence and indi- viduality.

Relate to your efficiency and dis- cipline.Question your lack of feeling, tough-mindedness, bottom- line orientation, impatience, secretiveness.

To work better withAmiables:

1. Show concern for them and their families, interests, etc.2. Slow down, and provide de- tail and specifics on how to

accomplish objectives.3. Support efforts and ac- complishments with personal attention.

*Working with this style will re- quire you to exercise your versatility.

Relate to your accomplishments, independence, decisiveness.Question your coldness, lack of playfulness, critical nature, discipline.

To work better withExpressives:

1. Be more open about self, feelings, gossip, opinions.2. Relax time constraints within structure, give incentives.3. Provide public recognition for accomplishments-let them win in front of others.

Amiables* Expressives

Analyticals Other Drivers

And they are …

If you are… an ExpressiveRelate to your imaginative, stimulating, thought-provok- ing nature.Question your ability to perform as stated, follow-through, and loud, flashy, emotional side.

To work better withAnalyticals:

1. Talk facts, not opinions, and break down component parts, preferably in writing.2. Back up your facts with proof from authoritative sources.3. Be quietly patient while they discover for themselves what you already know.

*Working with this style will re-quire you to exercise yourversatility.

Relate to your outgoing, im- aginative, competitive and personable aspects.Question your rah-rah, de- monstrative, impulsive,

emotional side.

To work better withDrivers:

1. Back up your enthusiasm with actual results; demon- strate that your ideas work.2. Be on time, and keep within agreed-upon limits, provide materials promptly.3. Provide choices of action where possible, and let the Driver select course of action.

Relate to your warmth, en thusiasm, and your stimulat- ing and personable nature.Question your outgoing, loud, dramatic, impulsive side.

To work better withAmiables:

1. Slow down the pace and vol- ume, allow time to build a re- lationship.2. Work on one item at a time, in detail; avoid the confusion of too many tasks or ideas at one time.3. Encourage suggestions, par- ticipation on team activities, supportive roles.

They see you as outgoing, en- thusiastic, warm, opinion- ated, talkative, intuitive, emo- tional, stimulating, imagina- tive, impulsive, excitable, loud, flashy, dramatic, per- sonale, competitive, caring.

To work better withFellow expressives:

Provide the discipline in this re- lationship, or all the fun and creativity may accomplish

nothing. Keep on track andemphasize the basics, allow-

ing carefully limited ex- perimentation as a reward for results.

Amiables Others Expressives

Analyticals* Drivers

And they are …

If you are an …AmiableRelate to your cooperative, care-

ful, quiet, thoughtful and will- ing ways.Question yhour soft-hearted, easygoing nature, emotional

responses and compliance with others.

To work better withAnalyticals:

1. Stress the need for facts and data rather than emotion, to build a case, but let them do the workup with a time limit.2. Provide added opportunities for classwork and study in return for meeting activity standards.3. Build confidence in the relationship through dem- onstrated technical com-

petence.

Relate to your supportive, help- ful, team-oriented, careful nature.Question your lack of initiative,

need for detail, small thinking, responsive side.

To work better withDrivers:

1. Be business like, let them tell you how to help, what they want. Don’t try to build a

relationship/friendship.2. Stay on schedule, stick to the agenda, provide factual summaries.3. Let them make decisions based on options you provide.

*Working with this style will re- quire you to exercise your versatility.

They see you as supportive, quiet, friendly, shy, retiring, team oriented, helpful, kind,

thoughtful, slow to act, nonthreatening, soft-hearted, easy-going, complying, re- sponsive, open, willing, care- ful, cooperative.

To work better withFellow Amiables:

Being hardnosed, insistent, anddirective is an uncomfortable rolebut a necessary one inthis situation. Otherwise, it islikely that no one will take thenecessary initiative and the

end result will be unsatisfac- tory.

Relate to your supportive, friendly, responsive, helpful characteristics.Question your slowness to act, and careful, complying, non- competitive stance.

To work better withExpressives:

1. Try to bring them definite opinions, backed by third- party endorsement-don’t waver.2. Publicly recognize and praise their accomplishments.3. Stand your ground when challenged on rules and

previously established pro- cedures.

Other Amiables Expressives

Analyticalss

Drivers*

And they are …

If you are…an AnalyticalThey see you as thoughtful, wanting more facts, conserve- tive, quiet, critical, logical, cool toward others, thorough, cooperative, distant, re- served, stern, austere, de- pendable, accurate.

To work better withFellow Analyticals:

Recognize the need for making timetables and for reaching decisions. reinforcing each

other’s desire for more infor- mation may form a self- perpetuating cycle that doesn’t bring results.

Relate to your logic, command of data, accuracy, dependability.Question your overabundance of facts, lack of decisiveness, and lack of risk-taking.

To work better withDrivers:

1. Summarize facts with variousoutcomes; let them decide.

2. Depend on self-discipline rather than excessive re- ports, precise instructions.3. Recognize results with

monetary rewards.

Relate to your cooperative, con- servative nature, accuracy, patience.Question your lack of warmth and close relationships, de- pendence on figures.

To work better withAmiables:

1. Show your interest in them as people, rather than as workers.2. Use their skills as mediators to build relationships inside the organization.3. Help them see the big picture and how they relate to it.

Relate to your cooperativeness, dependability.Question your dependence on

facts, critical, stuffy nature, impersonal approach, lack of fun.

To work better withExpressives:

1. Spend “informal” time with them.2. Recognize their need for

package sales, incentives, contests.3. Ask for their opinions and

input on a noncritical, accept- ing basis.

*Working with this style willrequire you to exercise your

versatility.

Amiables Expressives*

Other Analyticals Drivers

And they are …