Eating with Your Hands

What is a social norm? According to Michael Hectner’s book Social Norms, “Norms are

cultural phenomena that prescribe and proscribe behavior in specific circumstances. As such,

they have long been considered to be at least partly responsible for regulating social behavior.

Without norms, it is hard to imagine how interaction and exchange between strangers could take

place at all.” (Hectner 1).

Social norms dictate everyday living for almost everyone. We were raised on the simple

facts that you should always say “please” and “thank you”, push your chair in, hold the door

open for other people, respect your elders, and use your table manners. These are all common

social norms that people follow every day. “As you perform these and other roles, they embed

you within social institutions and social structures. The statuses you occupy and the roles you

play are your concrete connections to society.” (Croteau 90).

One social norm that I will be discussing is not eating with your fingers. Without even

thinking about it or planning, it is just normal to grab utensils before starting your meal. So you

would expect nothing less when you sit down to eat a meal in a very well-known restaurant.

Even though eating with your fingers is socially unacceptable, it is proven to have a

double standard if everyone surrounding you is doing the same exact thing. For example, the first

time I went to the Dixie Stampede in Myrtle Beach, we were served a four course meal. To my

surprise, we were given no silverware. I had never even imagined eating soup, chicken, a pork

chop, baked potato, and a dessert with my own bare hands. I felt very insecure until I noticed that

everyone else around me was struggling in the same fashion.

My first opinion was that we were violating a social norm; however, as the evening

progressed and I observed everyone around me, instead of breaking the norm I realized that I

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was then part of the norm. Because of this particular restaurant’s way of business, the social

norm in the confined area had changed. Everyone was uncomfortable, but they all did it because

they physically had to. They had no other option. In this small area in Myrtle Beach, the social

norms conformed to the restaurant. But once you step outside those doors – you go right back to

following society’s normal rules.

My attitude then changed due to the cognitive dissonance theory. It was persuaded by

efforts to decrease the stress, because eating with your fingers is not a consistent behavior

observed in restaurants every day.

The same girls and I decided to replicate this behavior in a local restaurant to see the

reaction of other customers. We went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and got similar items from the

buffet. My expectations were negative reaction from anyone in the restaurant. I expected

someone to make a scene or even ask us to leave. We then started enjoying our meal without

utensils. There was a family with two small children sitting in a booth beside us. One of the

small children started pointing at us saying "Look mommy, they're playing in their food with

their hands.” The female adult responded with, "You don't behave like them, they are just a

bunch of teenagers with no manners." She continuously scolded the kids for looking at us. The

lady working behind the counter came out and made an effort to give us extra silverware, but

didn't directly address the fact that we were eating with our hands. When we made a second trip

to the buffet, one of the workers immediately offered us extra napkins prior to touching the

serving utensils.

The public's response to our behavior was somewhat what I had expected. I felt like the

family took offense to our behavior, but yet remained private with their conversation and did not

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make a scene. The staff, likewise, showed disapproval of our behavior but they were very willing

to assist instead of reprimanding us.

I didn’t feel much reserve because I am the type of person to do my own thing without

much social pressure. Even if the public’s reaction would have been more aggressive and

condescending, my self-esteem would not have been belittled. Eating with the proper utensils is

something that I do on a regular basis. Not because of fear of judgement of others, but because

this is the “social norm” thing to do. Everyone eats with utensils, for if you don’t, you will be

scolded, judged, or punished.

If I went into a restaurant and observed two adults eating with their fingers I would not

think of their behaviors as dysfunctional. Even though I recognize this behavior as socially

unacceptable, I do not judge others just because their way of living is different from mine. But

when the social norm is being purposely disrespected in a public institution, how is one supposed

to react? In another instance, one could examine another restaurant – Dick’s Last Resort. Instead

of the social norm that polite customer service is key, the servers are instructed to be extremely

rude to the customers. They throw your menus, straws, and silverware at you and write vulgar,

crude sayings on paper hats and force you to wear them while you dine. In a way, this could be

related to my personal dining experience at the Dixie Stampede. When you leave, you are

expected to return to the basic social norm as if nothing had happened at all.

While these two restaurants in particular violate the norms purposely, it instigates one to

think – is the general public drawn to institutions like these because it goes against everything

they’d been taught? Is the public infatuated with the idea against rebelling against social norms?

My answer – yes.

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Works Cited

Croteau, David, and William Hoynes. "Statuses and Roles: Connecting Everyday Life and Social

Structure." Experience Sociology. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2013. 90. Print.

Hectner, Michael, and Karl-Deiter Opp. "Introduction." Social Norms. N.p.: Russell Sage

Foundation, 2001. Xi-Xx. Web.

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