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PourSomeSugarOnMe:

TalesfromanExStripperB ChristineMacdonald

A candid, oftenfunny memoir

about nine

years in the

life of a

dysfunctional

sex worker

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Pour Some Sugar On Me: Tales from an Ex-Stripper

(Excerpt)

By Christine Macdonald

Smokeand Mirrors

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Throughcloudydarknessmyheartracedwithinthewallsofneon

flickeringlights.Fourfeetabovethefloor,thestagecarriedmybodywhilethe

drugstookholdofmyinsides.

Keepittogether.Justonemoreset.

Feelingmyplacewithinthemelody,myhipskissedthesmokyairandI

continuedon,bendingover,extendinggarter,acceptingtip;Iwaspartofthe

conveyorbeltofflesh.

Thanks,seeyoutomorrow.Throwingatwentydownonthebar,I

pickedupmydufflebagandthrewitovermyshoulder.Thelightsandmusic

stillpounding,myheartplayedhideandseekwithitslimitsbutonthe

outside,Iwasapro.

Thewallsofmyapartmentwerestill,decoratedwithneatlyframed

partypeopleflashingcrookedsmiles.Iwantedtobenearthem.Iwantedto

belonginaplacewithoutjudgment,whereunabashedpraiseflowedlikea

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rivertomypersonalstreamsofnarcissismandperceptionofworth.Ishoved

ahandfulofbillsdowntheinsideofmybootandheadedforthenightclub.

Fourinthemorningalwaysarrivedbeforereasoning.JustasIwas

settlingintoirresponsibility,thecalltoleavewasannouncedoverthe

speakers.

Wannashareacab?KatieseyesremindedmeofMartyFeldmansin

YoungFrankensteinandherjawwasgrinding.

No,noImgonnawalkhome.EvenIwassurprisedatmyanswer,as

myjawwasgrindinginunison.

Really?

MartyFeldman,partyofone.

Okayhun,seeyoutomorrownight.

Ifinishedmyvodkaandcranberry,stoodupandgaveKatieahug.

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Lyinginthebathtubinmytwostorywalkup,Iletgoofmychoices.

Breathingslowanddeliberate,IclimbedmywaybacktothetightropeIknew

sowell.

Ihungontothenight,longenoughtowitnessanotherlavenderhorizon

wavingherarmsthroughtheglassshuttersinthebedroom.

Throughmyfoggymind,levelingfromthehigh,forthefirsttimesinceI

wasalittlegirl,Iwroteapoem.

Themusicengulfsher

hereyesbegintoclose

Thebeatgoesboom-ba-da-boom

andnoonereallyknows

Thatasshelaythere,besideherself

Insidethatfishbowlofsmoke

Sheisjustaballerina

tryingnottochoke

Hereyesgazeintothecrowd

beyondtheblinkinglights

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Herbodygoingthroughthemotions

itsjustanothernight

Shesjustaballerina

Tip-toeingthroughtheshow

Anangelwithabrokenwing

Tryingtomakeitthroughthesnow

Shesjustaballerina

Tryingtosurvive

Withablanketofhungersurroundingher

Itsawondershesstillalive

Shedreamsofthequietridehome

Themomentsheslipsintobed

VisionsofSugarPlumfairies

Stillverymuchaliveinherhead

Shesjustaballerina

Tiptoeingthroughtheshow

Anangelwithabrokenwing

Tryingtomakeitthroughthesnow

Shesjustaballerina

Tryingtosurvive

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Withablanketofhungersurroundingher

Itsawondershesstillalive

Myeyesweredryandnumbwithindifference.Withthesuntogreet

me,Iacceptedhercompany,ratherthanfighttheattempttosleep.Sleep

wouldcomewhenshewasgoodandready.

***