Simple Words

for Tough Conversations

Kirsten Schulte

Licensed Specialist in School Psychology

Why?

• Neutral Words

• Common Lingo

• Focuses the Conversation

• Cool Factor

Where do these ideas come from?

• “Choice Theory” – William Glasser, M.D.

• Hunter and His Amazing Remote Control – Lori Copeland, Ph.D.

• Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships – Temple Grandin, Sean Barron, Veronica Zysk

• The Zone, etc. – Think Social – Michelle Garcia Winner

• The Incredible 5-Point Scale – Kari Dunn Buron and Mitzi Curtis

The Five NEEDS

F U N

POWER

Quality World

• To Belong, To Gain Power, To Be Free, To Have Fun

• Focus is on what makes a “quality world” for the student.

The only to get from where you are right now (Real World) to your goal (Quality World) is ACTION

G

O

A L

R I G H T N O W

What Drives Your Car

What Drives Your Car? • Front Wheels – Actions & Thoughts

• Back Wheels – Feelings & Physical • A student suggested adding a trunk for “baggage,” family and

personal issues that the student cannot control. (e.g. – death in the family, divorce, parent’s alcohol abuse,…)

Seek Help

Handle it Yourself

Let it Bother Me

Let it Go and Move On PROBLEM

WDHP

1) What do I WANT?

2) What am I DOING?

3) Is it HELPING or HURTING?

4) What is my PLAN?

10 Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships

1) Rules are not absolute. They are situation-based and people-based.

2) Not everything is equally important in the grand scheme of things.

3) Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t have to ruin your day.

4) Honesty is different than diplomacy.

5) Being polite is always appropriate.

Unwritten Rules, cont. 6) Not everyone who is nice to me is my friend.

7) People act differently in public than they do in private.

8) Know when you are turning people off.

9) “Fitting in” requires looking and sounding like you fit in.

10) People are responsible for their own behavior.

Are you Expected Behavior

Are You in the ZONE?

Unexpected Behavior

Five Point Scale • Helps pre-define emotions, signs, triggers,

plan, etc.

Reality Check Are my emotions and/or behaviors healthy?

What am I telling myself?

Am I exaggerating or distorting?

Whose problem is this?

What is the worst that can happen?

Am I taking it too personally? Too seriously?

Am I demanding success? Approval? My way?

Can I stand it?

How can I think more realistically?

What, if anything, can I do?

Remote Control

Channel Changer I can filter out distractions. I control what channel my brain is on.

Pause I can stop to think. I can relax. I can create a plan.

Fast Forward I can think before I act. I can predict how my actions affect myself and others.

Rewind I can focus on doing things better in the future, instead of what I did wrong in

the past.

Slow Motion I can move slowly and carefully during times I really need to be in control of

my remote.

Coach I can use resources to help me make the best decision.

Zapper I can recognize and ZAP negative and irrational thoughts.

Way to Go I can be proud of my successes! I can use positive self-talk.

Hunter Says…..

• Things won’t always work out the way you want them to.

• You can’t change what has already happened.

• You won’t always be treated nicely by other people.

• You will make mistakes.

• You will have to do some things that you don’t want to do.

• You won’t always get what you want.

• Some things will be really hard for you to do.

• You can’t control what other people do and say.

BUT….You CAN use your remote control!!!

• No one else has a remote control to make you think, act, or feel in a certain way.

• You are the only one who can make your remote control work.

Famous Failures Lucille Ball The Beatles

Michael Jordan Ludwig Beethoven

Walt Disney Albert Einstein

Ulysses S. Grant Henry Ford Babe Ruth

Abraham Lincoln Sidney Poitier

Marilyn Monroe Steven Spielberg Thomas Edison

JK Rowling Vince Lombardi

Vincent Van Gogh Socrates Dr. Seuss

Charles Schultz

Famous Failures Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU&safe=active

Lucy and the Candy Factory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YGF5R9i53A&safe=active

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Social Cartoons

Thought

Thought

Feeling Feeling

Speech Speech

RTI

• These can be INTERVENTIONS.

• IF Conversation ACTION

– one second Five Point Scale check

– daily check-in/check-out

– behavior chart

– weekly mentoring/counseling appointment

Disclaimer

• Not for every student

• Teacher, Mentor, but not Therapist

• Never be scared to ask about suicide, self-harm, or abuse. Then, get the student to someone who is trained to help.

O Lord, you have made me care;

Now give me the grit to match my concern.

When the mortal in me would be weary in well-doing,

help me to look forward to the beautiful harvest.

Let me not just get involved,

but help me to make a difference!

- Make Warm Noises

THANK YOU!