SHS Scallion 2014

Table of Contents Letter from the Editors

Horoscopes..................................3

News...........................................4

World News.................................6

<MIKPMZ�8ZWÅTM[��

Features.....................................10

Entertainment............................12

Opinion.......................................14

Sponsors.....................................15

Spot the Difference......................16

We welcome you, reader, from both the turbulent 1700s war of American independence, and from the 1900s humble town of Twin Peaks. !is edition of !e Scallion is brought to you by our fellow agents...er, writers, and explores the depth of human character. Inside, you will "nd exposés of Sunset’s teachers, never-before-seen scoops on celebrities, and the latest in international news. !is year, we stray away from the world of superheroes and do-gooders, and trek into the world of se-crets and espionage. Have you heard the news? Amit Kobrows-ki was born with those arms. Have you heard the news? Rus-sian President Vladimir Putin was caught in a sex scandal with the ex-Ukrainian President Yanykovych. Have you heard the news? Kanye West is engaged to none other than the all-pow-erful Yeezus himself. Rumor has it that Justin Bieber is relevant again. April Fools. In all seriousness, we ensured that this issue represents the honesty and sincerity of each individual in our "les. A large portion of the material presented to you comes straight from the depths of !e Scroll’s databases, and this is the "rst time that we are allowing such sensitive information to see the light of day. With utmost courtesy, we ask that you please refrain from #ash photography. !ank you readers for picking up this edition of your school newspaper. We hope you are neither o$ended nor bored by it, and that you will consider donating money to us. If you do, the executives will "nally be able to a$ord that jumbo jet we’ve been wanting. Anyway, happy reading!From Russia With Love,

War-Spy/ Traitor Benedict Arnold and Special Agent Dale Cooper

**Notice to future advertisers: Due to legal dis-putes regarding the authenticity of the alphabet, !e Scroll is no longer sponsored by the letter “Z.”

FROM THE EDITORS2 The Scallion April 1, 2014

You’ve been worrying about your somewhat fragile so-

cial status, so be wary. One small mis-take could lead to your social downfall this month. To avoid your impending doom, try switching back from Facebook to Myspace.

Keep searching for your signif-icant other! Venus’ position in the sky suggests that any ro-

mantic encounters you may have this month ZLOO�EH�¿HU\��-XVW�EH�ZDUQHG²\RXU�VHDUFK�has a 99% chance to be absolutely fruitless.

Learn to let go of your pride. No one thinks you’re as cool DV�\RX�WKLQN�\RX�DUH²HVSHFLDO-

ly now that you’ve been caught reading this.

Stop keeping everything ERWWOHG� LQ²\RX� ZLOO� VRRQ�¿QG� \RXUVHOI� LQ� D� JODVV�

case of emotion and you may explode.

&RQFHDO�� GRQ¶W� IHHO²GRQ¶W�let it show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know.

If you’re hoping for some success in your future, you

can start by hitting the gym more often...

You’re only stressing yourself out more by actually worrying DERXW�\RXU�IXWXUH²\RX¶UH�VR�

anxious you’re even looking at phony horo-scopes. Chill out and have fun while you still can!

To justify the stupid stuff you do, #YOLO will be your mot-to this month. Whether or not

it may lead to your impeding doom is de-pendent on how many times you tweet it.

Have a feeling that you need to make more friends? You might as well just not try. No-

ERG\� OLNHV� \RX�� -XVW� DFFHSW� WKH� IDFW� WKDW�you’re going to die alone and unhappy.

April Horoscopes

You have the soul of an artist and a unique perspective. You DUH� GHVWLQHG� WR� VWXG\� WKH� ¿QH�

arts this month, although if you extend this aspiration to your college major, you will really just end up studying unemployment.

If you hurt yourself doing something this month, try

not to do it again. The alignment of Mer-cury with Mars suggests that upon re-peating a past action that caused pain, you will feel that same pain once more.

Change is in your future. Embrace it! If you want a hint of what to ex-pect, try reading a horoscope or

VRPHWKLQJ²WKH\�WHQG�WR�EH�LPPHQVHO\�KHOS-ful when determining your absolute future.

AriesMarch 21-April 19

TaurusApril 20-May 20

Gemini0D\��-XQH��

Cancer-XQH��-XO\��

Leo-XO\��$XJ��

Virgo$XJ��6HSW��

Libra6HSW��2FW��

Scorpio2FW��1RY��

SagittariusNov. 22-Dec. 21

Capricorn'HF��-DQ��

Aquarius-DQ��)HE��

PiscesFeb. 19-March 20

Sunset librarian, Pamela Bothwell is unveiled as a former TSA RI¿FHU�DIWHU�UHJXODWLRQV�HVFDODWHG�DQG�6XQVHW�LQVWDOOHG�QHZ�VXUYHLO-lance systems. Detectives revealed that she worked as a Transportation Se-FXULW\�2I¿FHU��ZKLFK�LQYROYHG�VXFK�WDVNV�DV�PRQLWRULQJ�FDUJR�VFUHHQ-LQJV� DQG� UHJXODWLQJ� ÀRZ� RI� SDVVHQJHUV� LQ� DQ� RUGHUO\� DQG� HI¿FLHQW�manner. The career change is a result of Bothwell’s dislike for the masculine uniforms. No wonder Bothwell’s next career was at the li-brary, where she tirelessly works to keep all food, drinks and students RXW�RI�OLEUDU\�SHULPHWHUV²LQ�VW\OH�� Bothwell shows no signs of restraint as she plans to increase regulations during the spring of 2014. Students need to be prepared to have their ID’s ready for entrance, bags to be x-rayed and respect the new capacity of 45 students in the library at all times. “Failure to comply with these terms will result in federal ac-tion,” warns Bothwell.

Ria Chang, Veronica Mars

*W\P_MTT�]V^MQTML�I[�NWZUMZ�<;)�WNÅKMZ�JMNWZM�_WZSQVO�I\�;]V[M\Mora Camplair,Agent Julia Child

Ms. Bothwell warns a student of the impending deadline when food laws will be more strongly enforced. As of Spring 2014 Sunset will require all students to have to go through bag checks before entering the library. Photo by John Freeman

HOROSCOPES 3The Scallion April 1, 2014

An injured student is ¿OLQJ� D� ODZVXLW� DJDLQVW� 6XQ-VHW� KLJK� VFKRRO� 3ULQFLSDO�-RKQ� +XHOVNDPS� IROORZLQJ�DQ� DFFLGHQW� GXULQJ� RQH� RI�+XHOVNDPS¶V� LFRQLF� PRUQ-LQJ�KDQGVKDNHV�RQ�0RQGD\��)HE�� +XHOVNDPS� FRXOG�IDFH� LQ�VFKRRO� VXVSHQVLRQ��,66�� LI� SURVHFXWRUV� DFW� RQ�WKH� FRPSODLQWV� RI� WKH� VWX-GHQW�� ZKR� ZLVKHV� WR� UHPDLQ�DQRQ\PRXV� DW� WKLV� WLPH�� ,QQRFHQW� E\VWDQGHUV�FODLP� WKDW� +XHOVNDPS� ZDV�MXVW� GRLQJ� RQH� RI� KLV� DOO�LP-SRUWDQW� GXWLHV� ZKHQ� WKH�VWXGHQW� IHOO� WR� WKH� JURXQG�� ³,W�ZDV�EL]DUUH��6RPH-KRZ� >WKH� VWXGHQW@� EURNH� KLV�OHJ� E\� VZRRSLQJ� LQ� IRU� D�TXLFN� JUHHWLQJ�� ,� GLGQ¶W� NQRZ�+XHOVNDPS� FRXOG� HYHQ�

VSUDLQ� VRPHRQH¶V� ZULVW�� KH�VHHPV�KDUPOHVV�́ �VDLG�VRSK-RPRUH� $QQD� $S5REHUWV�� 'XH� WR� VHPL�UHFHQW�EXGJHW� FXWV�� 6XQVHW� DGPLQ-LVWUDWRUV�FDQQRW�DIIRUG�VXFK�D�VFDQGDO��ZKLFK� LV�ZK\�+XHO-VNDPS�ZLOO� EH�RQ�D� OHDYH�RI�DEVHQFH�GXULQJ�WKH�SURFHHG-LQJV��(YHQ�WKH�OHY\�IURP�ODVW�VSULQJ� UHSRUWHGO\� FDQQRW� DF-FRPPRGDWH�WKH�VWXGHQW¶V�ORIW\�PHGLFDO�ELOO��,WHPV�RQ�VDLG�ELOO�LQFOXGH�DQ�³RUDQJH� MHOOR�FXS´�DQG� ³WZR� H[WUD�¿UP� SLOORZV�́� $V�D�UHVXOW�RI�WKH�LQFL-GHQW� DQG� D� SRVVLEO\�ORRPLQJ�FRXUW�DSSHDUDQFH��+XHOVNDPS�LV� RQ� VHOI�SUHVFULEHG� EHG�UHVW� IRU� WKH�QH[W�ZHHN��QXUV-LQJ�KLV�JXLOW� IRU�FDXVLQJ�VXFK�D� FRPPRWLRQ�� 6RPH� DUJXH�WKDW�+XHOVNDPS�LV�LQ�D�ZRUVH�FRQGLWLRQ� WKDQ� WKH� VWXGHQW�� ³7KLV� LV� VRPHWKLQJ�,� QHYHU� WKRXJKW� SRVVLEOH�� ,�KDYHQ¶W� WDNHQ� D� VLFN� GD\� LQ�

RYHU� VHYHQ� \HDUV�� DQG� QRZ�WKLV�FRPHV�XS�DQG� UXLQV�P\�VWUHDN�́ �VDLG�+XHOVNDPS��³,¶YH�EORZQ� WKURXJK� IRXU� WXEV� RI�5RFN\� 5RDG� LFH� FUHDP� DQG�FDQ�UHFLWH�HYHU\�OLQH�IURP�7KH�1RWHERRN��*RWWD�ORYH�*RVOLQJ�́� :KLOH� HYHU\RQH� HOVH�RQ� FDPSXV²LQFOXGLQJ� WKH�DGPLQLVWUDWRUV� FDOOLQJ� IRU�+XHOVNDPS¶V� OHDYH� RI� DE-VHQFH²DFNQRZOHGJHV� WKDW�WKH�VWXGHQW¶V�UHDFWLRQ�LV�RQO\�D�SOR\�IRU�DWWHQWLRQ��+XHOVNDPS�UHPDLQV� GHHSO\� WURXEOHG��'RFWRUV�VD\�WKDW�KLV�FRQGLWLRQ�LV�DOVR�NQRZQ�DV�6\PSDWKHWLF�6\QGURPH��66��DQG�LV�IRXQG�RQO\� LQ� WDOO�� PDOH� SULQFLSDOV�OLYLQJ�ZLWKLQ�D��PLOH� UDGLXV�RI� DQ� ,QWHO� FDPSXV� �RU�RWKHU�ODUJH� WHFKQRORJ\� FRPSDQ\�� +LV�ZLIH� DQG� FKLOGUHQ�UHIXVHG� WR� FRPPHQW�� DQG�WKH\� RQO\� DVN� WKDW� HYHU\RQH�NHHS� KLP� LQ� WKHLU� WKRXJKWV�GXULQJ� WKLV� WU\LQJ� WLPH�

� � � � �5HFHQW� GHYHORSPHQWV� LQ� FORQLQJ� VFL-HQFH� DW� 6XQVHW� +LJK� 6FKRRO� PD\� FDXVH�VWXGHQWV�WR�WKLQN�WZLFH�EHIRUH�OHDYLQJ�WKHLU�FKHZHG� JXP� RQ� WKH� ERWWRP� RI� D� GHVN��7KDW¶V� ULJKW��ELRORJ\� VWXGHQWV� DW� 6XQVHW�+LJK�6FKRRO�DUH�FXUUHQWO\�JURZLQJ�KXPDQ�FORQHV� XVLQJ� '1$� REWDLQHG� IURP� JXP�OHIW� LQ� WKH�GDUNHU� FUHYLFHV�RI� WKH�EXLOGLQJ��³)LQGLQJ�WKH�JXP�ZDV�HDV\��:H�ZHUH�DEOH� WR� H[WUDFW� '1$� IURP� D� IHZ� VDPSOHV�E\� WKH�HQG�RI� WKH� FODVV�SHULRG�´� VD\V� VH-QLRU� ELRORJ\� IDQDWLF� $QQD� 4XHQHPRHQ��0UV��3UR¿W¶V�,%�%LRORJ\�+/�,,�FODVV�EH-FDPH� LQWHUHVWHG� LQ� WKLV� H[SHULPHQW� DIWHU�OHDUQLQJ� DERXW� VWHP� FHOOV� IRU� WZR� \HDUV��³,�XVHG�WR�WKLQN�VWHP�FHOOV�ZHUH�P\WKLFDO�EHLQJV��EXW�QRZ�,�NQRZ�WKH\�DUH�UHDO��7KHVH�H[SHULPHQWV� KDYH� WDXJKW� PH� VR� PXFK�´�VD\V�VHQLRU�ELRORJ\�VWXGHQW�5\DQ�%HWWHUV��7KH�¿UVW�VXFFHVVIXO�FORQH�H[SHULPHQWV�JUHZ�LQWR�$SROOR�DOXPQL��DOWKRXJK�ODWHO\�WKH�H[SHULPHQWV� KDYH� KDG� GLIIHUHQW� UHVXOWV�� ³$W�¿UVW��PDQ\�RI� WKH�FORQHV�ZHUH�UH-FHQW� JUDGXDWHV� DQG� KDG� WKHLU� SLFWXUHV�LQ� DQ� ROG� \HDUERRN�� 5HFHQWO\�� ZH� IRXQG�WKH� '1$� RI� VRPH� IDPRXV� SHUVRQDOL-

WLHV�� ZKLFK� LV� YHU\� RGG� EHFDXVH� PDQ\�RI� WKHP� KDYH� QHYHU� EHHQ� KHUH´� VD\V�MXQLRU� ELRORJ\� VWXGHQW� -DVRQ� 'RQJ��1RWDEOH�FORQHV�FUHDWHG�LQFOXGH�UHFHQW�RVFDU�ZLQQHU� -DUHG�/HWR�� VLQJHU�VRQJZULW-HU�0DU\�-��%OLJH��VRPH�JLUO¶V�GDG�DQG� WKH�ODG\�IURP�0F'RQDOG¶V�ZKR�DOZD\V�ORRNV�DW�\RX�IXQQ\�ZKHQ�\RX�RUGHU�WZR�PLONVKDNHV�� ³:KDW¶V� UHDOO\� ZHLUG� LV� WKDW� :KRR-SL� *ROGEHUJ� GLGQ¶W� HYHQ� JR� KHUH�� EXW� ZH�VWLOO� FORQHG�KHU� IURP�'1$�ZH� IRXQG� LQ�DQ�ROG� SLHFH� RI� JXP� FHPHQWHG� WR� WKH� ERW-WRP� RI� D� ORFNHU� URRP� EHQFK�� ,W� MXVW� JRHV�WR� VKRZ� KRZ� SRZHUIXO� VFLHQFH� LV�´� VD\V�VHQLRU� ELRORJ\� VWXGHQW� $EE\� *ULI¿WKV�

Starbucks releases VM_� 1V[\IOZIU� ÅT\MZ

� 6WDUEXFNV� KDV� WHDPHG� XS� ZLWK� ,QVWD-JUDP� WR� FUHDWH� WKH� PRVW� SRSXODU� SLFWXUH� ¿OWHU� RIWKH� GHFDGH�� 7KLV� QHZ� DSS� DOORZV� XVHUV� WR� DGG�D� 6WDUEXFNV� FXS� WR� DQ\� ,QVWDJUDP� SLFWXUH�� 7KH�XVHU�FKRRVHV� WKH�SLFWXUH� WKH\�ZDQW�� WKHQ�SLFNV� DQ\� GULQN� IURP� 6WDUEXFNV�� DQG� WKH� VSHFL¿FFXS� LV� DGGHG� WR� WKH� SLFWXUH� LQVWDQWO\�� 7KH� XVHU� LV�WKHQ� DEOH� WR� SODFH� WKH� FXS� ZKHUHYHU� WKH\� ZDQW��³$W�¿UVW��P\�SLFWXUHV�ZHUH�GXOO�DQG�ERULQJ��0\�PRVW�OLNHG� SLFWXUH� RQ� ,QVWDJUDP� RQO\� KDG� WZROLNHV��IURP�P\�JUDQGPD�DQG�P\�FDW��+RZHYHU��DIWHU�GRZQORDGLQJ�WKH�QHZ�6WDUEXFNV�)LOWHU��P\�SLFWXUHVUDQJH� IURP� �� WR� HYHQ� �� OLNHV�´� VDLG�DYLG� ,QVWDJUDP� XVHU� MXQLRU� *DUUHQ� 7LIIHH�� &XVWRPHUV� ORYH� WKH� QHZ� ³,QVWD�ODWLRQ�´�:LWK-LQ�D�ZHHN�RI� LWV�DSSHDUDQFH�RQ�WKH�$SSOH�6WRUH�� LWDOUHDG\� KDG� RYHU� D� �� PLOOLRQ� SRVLWLYH� UHYLHZV�� $V� WKH� QHZ� DSS� ZHQW� ZRUOGZLGH�� 6WDUEXFNV¶�VDOHV�VKRW�KLJKHU� WKDQ�HYHU��(YHQ�FHOHEULWLHV�KDYHJURZQ� WR� HQMR\� XVLQJ� WKH� QHZ� LQVWDJUDP� ¿OWHU�� ³,� WRRN�D�VHO¿H�ZLWK� WKH�6WDUEXFNV�¿OWHU��ZKLOH�,� ZDV� KRVWLQJ� WKH�2VFDUV�´� VDLG� ��2VFDU�+RVW(OOHQ� 'H*HQHUHV�³� 7KH� 6WDUEXFNV� SKRWRJUDSK�ZDV� VXFK� D� IDQWDVWLF� VKRW� WKDW� ,� SRVWHG� LW� WR� ,Q-VWDJUDP� DQG� 7ZLWWHU�� 0\� 6WDUEXFNV� ¿OWHUHG� SLF-WXUH� JRW� VR�PDQ\� OLNHV� WKDW� LW� FUDVKHG�ERWK� VLWHV�´��7KH�¿OWHU¶V�SRSXODULW\�KDV�QRW�RQO\�PDGH�LW�$S-SOH¶V�KLJKHVW�JURVVLQJ�DSS��EXW�KDV�DOVR�PDGH�WKH�WRS��FKDUWV�RI�SRSXODU�DSSV�DFURVV�WKH�JOREH�� )XWXUH� XSGDWHV� IRU� WKLV� QHZ� ³,QVWD�DOOPHQW�´�LQFOXGH� VFUDWFK� DQG� VQLII� 6WDUEXFNV� GULQNV� DQGVHFUHW�FRXSRQV��7KHUH� LV�DOVR� WDON�RI�DGGLQJ�RWKHU�GULQNV�WR�WKH�¿OWHU��DIWHU�D�UHTXHVW�IURP�-XVWLQ�%LHEHU�� ³,QVWDJUDP� KDV� QRZ� EHFRPH� WKH� VZDJJLHVW�DSS� HYHU�� EXW� ,� ZLVK� ZH� FRXOG� DGG� RWKHU� GULQNV��ZKHUHP\7LP+RXURWQVDW"³� VDLG� -XVWLQ� %LHEHU�RYHU� WZLWWHU�� DERXW�&DQDGD¶V� YHUVLRQ�RI�6WDUEXFNV�

IB Bio students create clones using gum

Principal involved in handshake injury Jenny Fessler,Benedict Arnold

Braden Prillwitz,Austin “Danger” Powers

,%�VWXGHQWV�1HKD�9DOOXUL��6KDGPHQ�$EHGLQ��DQG�7LPRWK\�/X�SUHSDUH�WR�H[WUDFW�'1$�IURP�ROG�FKHZLQJ�JXP��

Photo by: Victoria Prence

Maggie Vanoni,Agent Smalls

(YHQ�6XQVHW�KDV�MRLQHG�WKH�¿OWHU�IDQ�EDVH��E\�SRVWLQJ�WKLV�SLFWXUH�RQ�,QVWDJUDP�WKH�RWKHU�GD\��7KH�QHZ�¿OWHU�DOORZV�DQ\RQH�WR�IXO¿OO�WKHLU�GDLO\�6WDUEXFNV�FUDYLQJ��

Photo by: John Freeman

NEWS4 The Scallion April 1, 2014

A local woman stran-JOHG� ¿YH� SHRSOH� LQ� KHU� \RJD�FODVV�� 7KH� SHUSHWUDWRU�� $VK-OH\� +\VWHULFV� EODPHV� KHU�SHULRG� IRU� WKH� LQFLGHQW�� +\VWHULFV� FRPPLWWHG� WKH�FULPH� ZLWK� KHU� EDUH� KDQGV��ZKLOH�SUDFWLFLQJ�D�GHHS�EUHDWK-LQJ� H[HUFLVH�� 7KH� \RJD� VWX-GLR� KDV� FORVHG� GRZQ� WHP-SRUDULO\� WR� FOHDQ� WKH� EORRG��³,�GLG�QRW�HYHQ�NQRZ�ZRPHQ�ZHUH�KXPDQ�XQWLO�WKLV�PRUQLQJ�´�VDLG� +\VWHULFV¶� QHLJKERU� %RR�5DGOH\�� ³1H[W� WKLQJ� \RX� NQRZ��WKHLU� HPRWLRQV� ZLOO� EH� YDOLG�GXULQJ�WKH�HQWLUH�PRRQ�F\FOH�´��7KH��\HDU�ROG�LV�H[SHFWHG�WR�SOHDG�JXLOW\� IRU� DFFXVDWLRQV�RI�PXUGHU�DQG�IRU�GHPDQGLQJ�WR�EH�WDNHQ�VHULRXVO\�DERXW�LVVXHV�WKDW� DUH� QRW� GLUHFWO\� UHODWHG� WR�H\H�VKDGRZ�SULPHU�RU�GLHWLQJ�� /DZ\HUV� UHSUHVHQWLQJ� WKH�GHIHQVH� UHPLQGHG� WKH� SXEOLF�WKDW� UHVHDUFK� GRQH� E\� SHRSOH�LQ� ODE� FRDWV� UHYHDOV� WKDW� DO-WKRXJK� ZRPHQ¶V� IHHOLQJV� DUH�JHQHUDOO\� ZRUWKOHVV� GXULQJ�WKHLU� SHULRG�� WKH\� DUH� VWLOO�JRRG� IRU� HDUQLQJ� �� FHQWV� WR�

WKH� GROODU� WKDW� D� PDQ� HDUQV�� ³2XU� IRXQGLQJ� IDWKHUV� ZRXOG�QRW� UHFRJQL]H� D� FRXQWU\� LQ�ZKLFK� K\VWHULF� ZRPHQIRON� DUH�DOORZHG� WR� JDOOLYDQW� WKURXJK�WKH� VWUHHW� ZLWK� EOHHGLQJ� YD-JLQDV�´� VDLG� )LUVW� /DVW�� FRQ-VHUYDWLYH� WDON� UDGLR� KRVW��+\VWHULFV¶�PXUGHUV�RFFXUUHG�DIWHU� D� UHFHQW� VWULQJ� RI� FULPL-QDO� DFWLYLW\� IURP� PHQVWUXDWLQJ�ZRPHQ�� 7KHVH� LQFLGHQWV� KDYH�LQFUHDVHG� E\� DQ� HVWLPDWHG��LQ�WKH�SDVW�\HDU��DFFRUGLQJ�WR� D� QHZ� JRYHUQPHQW� UHSRUW��7KLV�LQFUHDVH�RI�SHULRG�UH-ODWHG�FULPH�LV�EHOLHYHG�WR�EH�D�UHVXOW� RI� HTXDO� ULJKWV� JRLQJ� WR�ZRPHQ¶V� KHDGV�� $FWLYLVWV� RQ�FROOHJH� FDPSXVHV� DFURVV� WKH�QDWLRQ� DUH� FDOOLQJ� IRU� DOO� PHQ-VWUXDWLQJ� IHPDOH� KRPLQLGV� WR�VWD\�DW�KRPH�DQG�PDNH�VDQG-ZLFKHV�� LQVWHDG� RI� NLOOLQJ� SHR-SOH�� 6RFLRORJLVWV� DW� 3ULQFH-WRQ� WKHRUL]H� WKDW� D� UHWXUQ� WR� D�SDVW� RI� GLVWLQFW� JHQGHU� UROHV�ZLOO� UHVWRUH� WKH� JRRG� RO¶� GD\V�RI� KDQG�ZDVKLQJ� FORWKHV��FDUG� FDWDORJV� DQG� VODYHU\�� ³'RQ¶W� WDON� WR�PH�� ,¶P� RQ�P\� SHULRG�´� VDLG� D� IHPDOH��EHIRUH� HDWLQJ� WKH� MRXUQDO-LVW� DVNLQJ� KHU� TXHVWLRQV�

�� -XQLRU� 0LUDQGD� %DVV� UH-DSSHDUHG� DIWHU� DQ� DEVHQFH� RI�QHDUO\� ¿YH� PRQWKV� IURP� 6XQVHW�KLJK� VFKRRO¶V� KDOOZD\V�� 7KH� MX-QLRU�ZHQW�PLVVLQJ�GXULQJ�6XQVHW¶V�KRPHFRPLQJ� GDQFH� RQ�2FW�� 7KHPHG� ³'DQFH� RI� WKH� 'H-FDGHV�´� WKH� GDQFH� HQFRXUDJHG�VWXGHQWV�WR�VSRUW�WKH�GUHVV�RI�DQ\�HUD�IURP�WKH��V�WR�WKH��V��6WXGHQWV� HQWHUHG� WKH� KRPH-FRPLQJ� GDQFH� WKURXJK� D� ODUJH�GHFRUDWLYH� WLPH� PDFKLQH� EXLOW�E\� WKH� OHDGHUVKLS� FRPPLWWHH��³:KHQ�ZH�EXLOW�WKDW�WLPH�PD-FKLQH�� ZH� KDG� QR� LGHD� LW� ZRXOG�DFWXDOO\� ULS� D� KROH� LQ� WKH� VSDFH�WLPH� FRQWLQXXP�´� VDLG� /HDG-HUVKLS� WHDFKHU� 7ULFLD� %XHOO�� 8SRQ� HQWHULQJ� WKH� GDQFH��%DVV¶V� JURXS� RI� IULHQGV� UHDOL]HG�WKDW�VKH�ZDV�QR�ORQJHU�ZLWK�WKHP��HYHQ� WKRXJK� WKH\� KDG� VHHQ� KHU�ZDON�WKURXJK�WKH�PDLQ�HQWUDQFH�� 7KH�KRPHFRPLQJ�GDQFH�SUR-FHHGHG�DV�SODQQHG��6WXGHQWV�DQG�WHDFKHUV� ERWK� KRSHG� WKDW� %DVV�

ZDV�VLPSO\�ORVW�LQ�WKH�ODUJH�FURZG�� ³:H� FRXOG� QRW� ¿JXUH� RXW�ZKHUH� VKH� ZHQW�� ,W� ZDV� DV�LI� VKH� GLVDSSHDUHG� LQWR� WKLQ�DLU�´� VDLG� MXQLRU� &KDG� .KR��7R�KHU�IULHQGV¶�GLVDSSRLQWPHQW��%DVV�GLG�QRW�UHWXUQ�DIWHU�WKH�GDQFH�ZDV�RYHU��$IWHU�PXFK�VSHFXODWLRQ��WKH�IDFXOW\�DQG�VWXGHQWV�GHGXFHG�WKDW� %DVV� PXVW� KDYH� DFFLGHQ-WDOO\� WUDYHOHG� EDFN� LQ� WLPH��$V� LW�WXUQV� RXW�� %DVV� ZDV� WUDQVSRUWHG�EDFN� WR� WKH� ��V�� WKH� GHFDGH�WKDW�VKH�PLPLFNHG�IRU�WKH�GDQFH�� ³7KH� ��V� OLYHG� XS� WR� HY-HU\�RQH�RI�P\�H[SHFWDWLRQV��+XJH�KDLU�� LQVDQH� PDNHXS�� D� 3DF-PDQ� PDFKLQH� LQ� HYHU\� UHVWDX-UDQW��,W�ZDV�DOO�WKHUH�´�VDLG�%DVV�� $OWKRXJK� WLPH� WUDYHO�ZDV�QRW�RQ� %DVV¶V� LQLWLDO� DJHQGD� IRU� KHU�KRPHFRPLQJ� QLJKW�� VKH� PDQ-DJHG� WR� HQMR\� KHU� H[SHULHQFH�� ³%HLQJ� LQ� WKH��V�ZDV�WR-WDOO\� UDGLFDO�� EXW� ,¶P� GH¿QLWHO\�JODG� WR� EH� KRPH�´� VDLG� %DVV�� 7KH� SK\VLFV� GHSDUWPHQW�LV� FXUUHQWO\� ZRUNLQJ� RQ� WKH�WLPH� PDFKLQH� WR� SUHYHQW� IX-WXUH� DFFLGHQWDO� WUDYHOV� LQ� WLPH�

� 7KH� URRP� LV� IXOO� RI�QHU-YRXV� HQHUJ\� DV� VWXGHQWV�¿OH� LQ�� UHDG\� WR� WDNH� WKHLU� ,%�([DPV�� 7KH� PRRG� TXLFNO\�FKDQJHV� KRZHYHU�� DV� 6XQVHW�KLJK� VFKRRO¶V� ÀHHW� RI� µ&RP-IRUW� &DWV¶� LV� EURXJKW� LQ� DQG�VWXGHQWV� EHFRPH� FDOP� DV�WKH\� HDFK� UHFHLYH� WKHLU� FDW�� ³7KLV�\HDU��6XQVHW�GHFLG-HG� WR� LPSOHPHQW� WKH� µ&RPIRUW�&DW¶�SURJUDP�DQG�ZH� IHHO� WKDW�LW�ZLOO�EH�YHU\�EHQH¿FLDO� WR� WKH�VWXGHQWV� SDUWLFLSDWLQJ� LQ� ,%�WHVWLQJ�´� VD\V� 0DUN� 6HLEHUW��

,%� &RRUGLQDWRU� DQG� WHDFKHU�� &RPIRUW�&DWV�DUH�JLYHQ�WR�VWXGHQWV� SDUWLFLSDWLQJ� LQ� DQ\�,%� DVVHVVPHQW� WR� KHOS� UH-OLHYH� VWUHVV�� 7KH� VWXGHQWV�FDQ� WDNH� WKHLU� IHOLQH� IULHQGV�WR� DQ\� ,%� VLWXDWLRQ�� ZKHWKHU� LW�EH� LQ�FODVV� WHVWV�� ,%�H[DPV�RU�KRPH� IRU� IRU� ,%� KRPHZRUN�� ³:KHQ� ,� ZDV� SXOOLQJ� DQ�DOO�QLJKWHU� WR� ¿QLVK�P\� ,$��P\�FDW�� )OXII\�� NHSW�PH� YHU\� KDS-S\�� ,W� ZDV� LQFUHGLEOH� WR� IHHO�OLNH�,�KDG�VRPHRQH�VXSSRUWLQJ�PH�WKURXJK�WKRVH�ORQJ�KRXUV�´�VD\V� MXQLRU� %ULGJHW� +DUULV��$Q�DGGLWLRQDO�SHUN�WR�WKH�SUR-JUDP� LV� WKDW� VWXGHQWV� ZKR� GR�

ZHOO� RQ� WKHLU� ,%� DVVHVVPHQWV�ZLOO�EH�HOLJLEOH�WR�DGRSW�WKHLU�QHZ�IULHQG�� 6HLEHUW� KRSHV� WKDW� WKLV�ZLOO�KHOS�JLYH�PRWLYDWLRQ�WR�VWX-GHQWV�WR�VXFFHHG�RQ�WKHLU�WHVWV��³,�WKLQN�WKLV�SURJUDP�ZLOO�EH�UHZDUGLQJ�DQG�VXFFHVVIXO��7KH�VWXGHQWV� DUH� UHVSRQGLQJ� SRVL-WLYHO\��DQG�DVVHVVPHQW� VFRUHV�DUH� LPSURYLQJ�´� VD\V� 6HLEHUW��7KH�PRRG�LQ�WHVWLQJ�URRPV�LV� OLJKW� DQG� SRVLWLYH� DV� VWX-GHQWV� HQMR\� WKH� FRPIRUW� RI�WKHLU� FDWV� ZKLOH� WDNLQJ� WKHLU�H[DPV�� :KHQ� GRQH�� VWXGHQWV�OHDYH�FRQ¿GHQW� LQ� WKHLU�SHUIRU-PDQFH�DQG�KDSS\�WR�KDYH�KDG�WKHLU� OLWWOH� IULHQG�E\� WKHLU�VLGH�

Sunset IB students to be given ‘Comfort Cats’

Student lost in ‘Dance of the Decades’ time machine for UWV\P[� ÅVITTa� ZM\]ZV[� PWUM�

0a[\MZQKIT� _WUIV� SQTT[� Å^MSharada Menon,Miss Marple

$YHU\�6FR¿HOG�Kim Possible

$OL�:HLGH�Agent Severus Snape

,%�VWXGHQWV�DUH�¿OOHG�ZLWK�KDSSLQHVV�DV�WKH\�SOD\�ZLWK�WKHLU�FDWV��,%�([DPV�ZLOO�EH�ORZ�VWUHVV�ZLWK�WKHVH�IXUU\�IULHQGV�

3KRWR�E\�9LFWRULD�3HQFH

NEWS 5The Scallion April 1, 2014

Vladimir Putin’s affair with Viktor Yanukovych discovered

Russian President Vladimir Put in was exposed in a recent ly leaked tape of h imsel f and former Ukrainian Presi-dent Viktor Yanukovych. This has cast doubt on the controversial ant i -gay laws he has recent ly passed, but Put in has defended himsel f by stat ing that div ine-human relat ionships were di f -ferent f rom mere man-on-man ones. “As someone beyond mere hu-manity, I bel ieve my relat ionship is perfect ly sanct ioned by the Uni-versal God. Me.” Put in said, star-ing intensely at the reporter. Put in ’s recent divorce seemed a mystery, but in l ight of th is new informat ion, answers are beginning to become clear. Yanukovych, for h is part , is the re-cent ly ousted president of Ukraine. Short ly af ter h is downfal l , Put in in-vaded Crimea. Original ly, pol i t ical scient ists were baff led as to why, but c lear ly i t was a gi f t for h is up-set beloved. I t lends a sense of po-etry to the s i tuat ion, as Cr imea was or ig inal ly given to Ukraine dur ing a romant ic meet ing between Soviet General Secretary Nik i ta Khrushchev and his t rue love, Madame Vodka. “ I f I wish to return Cr imea to

dear Viktor,” said Put in, h is tones of steel sof tening sl ight ly, “ then I shal l . And nobody can stop me.” Through tears, UN Secretary Gen-eral Ban Ki-moon sni ff led, “ I ’m sor-ry real ly, i t ’s just so beaut i fu l . Let them take Crimea. I ’m not going to be the one to stop a love story.” Moon then went on to say that he had shipped Put in and Yanukovych “ f rom day one” and that he loved

this pair ing even more than he loved David Cameron with Nick Clegg. The Crimean Russians, who make up 60 percent of the local popula-t ion, have responded with s igni f icant joy that Put in has acquired himsel f a worthy mate. However, the Cr ime-an Tatars, who make up 12 percent of the populat ion, are alarmed by these new developments. Cr ime-an Tatars are a Musl im group who are general ly ant i -Russian, and they have spoken out against the two lovers and Put in ’s wedding gi f t . In response, Put in repl ied “They are fool ish to resist . I shal l forgive them once proper blood is shed. Some red is needed for the wed-ding decorat ions,” he said, star-ing at the reporter unt i l our reporter fe l t h is skin l i teral ly start to s izzle. President Obama gave an official state-ment: “I believe that Mr. Putin and Mr. Ya-nukovych are rushing into this. I feel they need to spend more time to get to know each other before they just hurry into such a relationship.” he said, echoing the concern of many other Western leaders. Whatever the case is, the Crime-an Red Wedding will be a night to re-member. And like other Red Wed-dings, it will be appropriately bloody and painful , as is the Russian way.

Yanukovynch looks at Putin with longing in his eyes. Putin recently invaded Crimea to win it back for his lover.

Photo by: Taylor Ketchum

Shreyans Khunteta,*ROG¿QJHU

N u d e Z e a l a n d r e f o r m s e n t i r e c o u n t r y, p o l i c i e s

Nudity may be controversial in most parts of the world, but the newly colonized Nude Zea-land accepts it. Both the former Prime Minister and everyday citizens are wholehearted-ly excited about the new law. Formerly known as New Zealand, Nude Zealand is now Great Britain’s colo-ny once again. Great Brit-ain paid no money for the country, as the former Prime Minister simply couldn’t re-sist transforming his former country into a nudist locale. “I was just so excited to turn

this country into a nudist colo-ny,” said former Prime Minister John Key. “Those British cer-tainly know how to persuade someone. It’s about time that the citizens of Nude Zealand embrace their true selves” Other former government officials from Nude Zea-land don’t find the deal quite as appealing as Key. “Although I think the idea is quite adventurous and enter-taining, our economy will suf-fer because jobs will be lost in several clothing business-es, which will in turn affect our new home country, Great Britain,” said Jerry Matepar-ae, former Governor-General.

Key rejects Mateparae’s theory because Nude Zealand, estimated by Key, should bring in 10 times the amount of reve-nue in tourism that it did before. Great Britain initially want-ed to recolonize this land for leisure purposes. The new nudist colony will be used for a new vacation hot-spot for many successful En-glishmen and their families during cold English winters. “It’s just nice to know that the people of England now have a place where they can go relax and be themselves,” said Prince William of Cam-bridge. “This colony looks to eliminate harsh social pres-

sures as well as provide a fun place to venture to.” The appeal of a no-judge-ment vacation and nudist colony is starting to reach other countries including the United States. In fact, the Department of Tourism estimated that most peo-ple traveling from the United States will go to Nude Zea-land because of the intrigue. Nude Zealand is embrac-ing nudity with a very positive outlook from both the citizens and its former government. While it may be colder because clothes are now banned, the citizens are excited about no longer being judged.

Natalie Valent,$JHQW�6PDUW

WORLD NEWS6 The Scallion April 1, 2014

F a c e b o o k b u y s C a t h o l i c C h u r c h f o r $ 19 b i l l i o n

On Feb. 9 Facebook bought the

Catholic Church, under Pope Fran-

cis’ leadership, for just $19 billion– a

price that makes investors cringe.

The contract was developed in

mid-December, the same month that

Pope Francis was spotted at Face-

book creator Mark Zuckerberg’s

house in Palo Alto, CA. The two

spent nearly an entire week togeth-

er, a week that got tabloid headlines

buzzing and curious fans question-

ing the nature of their relationship.

Much to the dismay of paparazzi, it

turns out that they were simply dis-

cussing the details of the contract.

“Pope Francis and I had our minds

set on a similar goal: to bring as

much of the world together as pos-

sible, whether it is via religion or so-

cial media,” says Zuckerberg. “Both

were created for the same reason.”

It was just over one year ago that

Pope Francis took power over the

Catholic Church, resulting in com-

plete control over youth culture of

today. Pope Francis is best known

for his extremely liberal support of

gay rights and radical promotion of

communist economics. His goal of

connecting traditional Catholic val-

ues with pop culture is now possible

through his signing with Facebook.

Zuckerberg explained in an in-

terview last Wednesday that,

“Pope Francis’s growing populari-

ty was the primary reason for Face-

book’s interest in the investment.”

Most investors perceive the price

tag of $19 billion as a steal for Face-

book and a sign of weakness in the

Catholic Church. Financial analyst

Cheryl Thomas is one of the stron-

gest critics of the Pope’s naivety.

“Within the last year Facebook’s

stock value has increased exponen-

tially and is easily the most visited

site worldwide. My guess is that Face-

book will remain a top site for the next

30 years or so,” says Thomas. “This

not only makes Zuckerberg appear fi-

nancially restrained, but also uncov-

ers the Pope’s greedy and desper-

ate attempt to expand his following.”

Another damaging outcome of

the contract is that other religious

organizations, such as the Church

of Latter-Day Saints and Hindu Tem-

ples (who were initially interested in

Facebook signings), are now looking

to other corporations like Myspace

and AOL Messenger in hopes of in-

creasing profit and their fan base.

Pope Francis and Mark Zuckerberg are now able to reach

RXW�WR�PRUH�PHPEHUV�DQG�FUHDWH�D�XQL¿HG�FRPPXQLW\��&DWK-

olic Churches will soon be displaying a stain glass recon-

struction of the Facebook ‘Like’ logo.

Photo by: Haily Hargrave

Mora Camplair,Agent Julia Child

WORLD NEWS 7The Scallion April 1, 2014

DOUBLE TRUCK8 The Scallion April 1, 2014

Photos by: Haily Hargrave, John Freeman and Taylor Ketchum

DOUBLE TRUCK 9The Scallion April 1, 2014

Miss congeniality asks: Hi Taylor! I’m one of the most popu-lar girls in school. Recently, I be-gan talking to this guy in my ad-vanced math class who is super nerdy and in a totally different social group than me, but he’s so cute and really nice. I have a feeling that he likes me, but I don’t know if it would be awkward for us to date given that he is not friends with my friends. What would your do in my situation? Dear Miss congeniality,What are you thinking?!? One of the biggest qualities you should look for in boys is status! I’ve dated some of the most famous boys in Hollywood and there is no other way to go. Popular boys are the only people who will un-derstand what it’s like for you. Don’t let a loser bring you down. Look for boys on the football team or, as a last resort, try another

member of student leadership. Cheated heart broken and sad asks: Taylor, I need your support. Last week I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, and now she has been spreading mean rumors about

me around the school. I don’t know what it is that I did, or why she hates me so very much, but I need this to stop right now. What do you think that I should say to her? Dear Cheatedheart broken and sad,I’m going to need you to stop right there and take a look at yourself. Why do you think your girlfriend cheated on you? Probably be-cause you were a horrible boy-friend as men usually are. Did you take her on a canoe trip on a rainy day to reenact “The Note-book”? On Valentine’s Day did you spell her name in rose petals and rent the whole movie the-ater so you two could be alone? No? I didn’t think so. Imagine how she is feeling right now. You need to apologize with a grand romantic gesture, and maybe if you’re lucky she’ll take you back. Letsstayfriends asks: Hey Taylor I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I’m super sad, but

he says he wants to stay friends. I’m willing to give it a try because we were friends before, and don’t just want to cut him out of my life. Have you ever had an ex that you’ve stayed friends with? Dear Let’s stay friends, If this boy broke your heart then you shouldn’t even think about being his friend. If he was a bad boyfriend, what makes you think your friend-ship will be more successful? For this reason, I have never ever ever stayed friends with an ex. I prefer to give them a taste of their own medicine. The best way to get over a boy is to expose their flaws to the whole world. I usually do this through a song, but you can choose your own method. Try telling everyone how he is the worst boyfriend ever over the school intercom at lunch or im-itating him in the school talent show. Sometimes two wrongs do make you feel alright.

A new drug believed to be as potent as Walter White’s cream of the crop is sweep-ing the nation, leaving strung out teens and adults in its wake. Those who demonstrate two or more of these symptoms should be quarantined immediately; even the utter-DQFH� RI� ³1HWÀL[´� FDOOV� OLNH� D� VLUHQ� WR� DQ\-one suffering from a mild case of boredom. 1. The Ear Plug: Many addicts en-ter conversations with their ears plugged DQG� D� UDSLG�¿UH� DQQRXQFHPHQW� RI� ZKDW� HS-isode of “The Walking Dead” they most re-cently watched to avoid any rogue spoilers. 2. Loss of Hygiene: Addicts fre-quently sport hair that sticks up in oddly angled, greasy spikes from laying on the FRXFK� DQG� GRQ� WKH� VDPH� RXW¿W� IRU� ZHHNV�straight (typically a sweatshirt embroi-dered with Buster Bluth’s smiling visage). 3. Nocturnality: Junkies usually stay up so late watching “House of Cards” that they eventually become nocturnal and bring

Taylor Swift answers your relationship questions!

.Q^M� ]VLMVQIJTM� [QOV[� aW]� IZM� I� ZIOQVO� 6M\ÆQ`� ILLQK\Amelia Turnquist,Agent 00000007

7KH�UHG�OLJKW�FDVW�E\�WKH�1HWÀL[�ORJR�OXUHV�RYHU��SHUFHQW�RI�WKH�ZRUOG¶V�SRSXODWLRQ�HDFK�\HDU��R�SHU-cent of the coming generation will be born with an addiction, having osmosed the poisonous effects of binge-watching television through the womb.

3KRWR�FRXUWHV\�RI�ZZZ�IDFHERRN�FRP�QHWÀL[

Swift gives meaningful advice to young fans. She plans to become a school counselor when her singing career ends.

Photo courtesy of wikipedia.org

4. Lack of social life: Addicts begin to blow off all of their friends to watch another episode of “Gossip Girl” and suddenly be-come the focus of their community’s rumors. To combat their social deprivation, they be-gin to think Georgina Sparks is their new best friend--which would be a bad move even if Sparks were real.� �� $EXQGDQFH� RI� PDODGLHV�� $GGLFWV�commonly have vitamin D deficiency (al-though they may just be an Oregonian), bloodshot eyes (although they may have different kind of addiction), cramped legs which add a pained limp to their gait and a pathological fear of actual human contact. If anyone is suffering from this devastating addiction, please call our help lines at 1-800-IMA-ADCT for en-couragement and advice from rehabili-tated Netflix junkies. If no one answers the line, it’s likely that the operator has relapsed into their “Doctor Who” obses-sion; in which case, try calling again.

a pillow and a sleeping bag to work or VFKRRO�� 7KH\� PD\� VRRQ� ¿QG� WKHPVHOYHV�ÀXQNLQJ� RXW� RU� XQFHUHPRQLRXVO\� ¿UHG�

FEATURES10 <PM�;KITTQWV� )XZQT��

Last night on the season premiere of “The Real Housewives of Sunset High,” fans were introduced to the elite social circle of Port-land’s most prestigious school. The leading ladies featured Natalia Rios, the saucy Colombian; Meredith Waggoner, the prima donna; and Regan O’Hara, the Texan diva with big lips and even bigger hair. The episode kicked off with an inside look at O’Hara’s famous ZDON�LQ�ZDUGUREH��7KH�URRP� LV�D�¿YH� WKRXVDQG�VTXDUH� IRRW�HVWDEOLVK-PHQW� GLVSOD\LQJ� VHTXLQV� DQG� FRZER\� ERRWV� IURP� ZDOO� WR� ZDOO�� &RP-plete with mini bar and gift shop, the closet is one of Portland’s major WRXULVW� DWWUDFWLRQV��:KHQ�DVNHG�ZKHUH�DOO� WKH�H[WUD�ÀRRU� VSDFH�FDPH�from, O’Hara revealed that that the rest of her family is now living in the home’s garage to provide the necessary room for her closet’s expansion. After O’Hara’s wardrobe tour comes to an end, the show tran-sitions to Waggoner’s cringe-worthy audition for the high school play. The tryouts begin well as Waggoner is offered the lead immediately, but things take a turn for the worse when she tries to audition for a second, and then third part. Once the director realizes that she intends to land the role of every character in the play, he informs her that it is not a one-woman show. Upon hearing this, Waggoner refuses to participate entirely and is heard muttering a string of profanities as she runs off stage. Following Waggoner’s dramatic exit, the show shifts its focus to 5LRV�DUULYLQJ�DW�D�VXUSULVH�IDPLO\� LQWHUYHQWLRQ��$IWHU�PRUH�WKDQ�¿YH�UH-lapses and an attempt to sell the family dog, friends and family decided it was time for Rios to face her caffeine addiction. Upon entering the house and seeing her parent’s tear-stained faces, Rios darts upstairs and be-JLQV�IUDQWLFDOO\�ÀXVKLQJ�KHU�FRIIHH�VWDVK�GRZQ�WKH�WRLOHW��6KH�WKHQ�WULHV�to escape through the bathroom window with her espresso maker but is

caught and safely hauled to rehab where she is to spend the next week. In the closing scene of the episode the three girls come together for dinner to celebrate Rios’ return. Once dinner is served, O’Hara announces to the table that she is leaving the show to join the cast of “Dance Moms.” While Waggoner is happy to have one less person to share her spotlight ZLWK��5LRV�IHHOV�EHWUD\HG��$QJU\�ZRUGV�TXLFNO\�HVFDODWH�WR�D�SK\VLFDO�DO-WHUFDWLRQ�DQG�WKH�¿UVW�FDW¿JKW�RI�WKH�VHDVRQ�HQVXHV��5LRV�JRHV�LQ�IRU�WKH�deadly hair pull and fans are shocked when a Bump-it comes off in her hand, revealing the true secret behind O’Hara’s voluminous bouffant. With a shocked gasp from O’Hara, the episode comes to an abrupt close leaving viewers with a jaw-dropping cliffhanger. Will Waggoner stop the ¿JKW"�2U�ZLOO�2¶+DUD�JLYH�5LRV�WKH�JRRG�ROG�IDVKLRQHG�KRHGRZQ�WKURZ-GRZQ"�)LQG�RXW�QH[W�ZHHN�RQ�³7KH�5HDO�+RXVHZLYHV�RI�6XQVHW�+LJK�´

Episode recap: ‘The Real Housewives of Sunset High’

Sage Steineke,The Great Mouse Detective

$Q�DQJU\�5LRV�LV�VHHQ�ZLWK�D�¿VWIXOO�RI�2¶+DUD¶V�KDLU��$ORQJ�ZLWK�KHU�WULSV�WR�caffeine rehab, Rios has also served time in anger managment classes with big name celebrities like Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown, and Justin Bieber.


O’Hara, Waggoner and Rios are taking the world of reality TV by storm. The three starletts have raked in awards worldwide for there performance as the youngest housewives on TV.


FEATURES 11The Scallion April 1, 2014

Paula Deen recent-O\� EHFDPH� WKH� RI¿FLDO� HQGRUVHU�IRU� DOO� EXWWHU� FRPSDQLHV� LQ� WKH�ZRUOG�� DV� ZHOO� DV� WKH� QHZ� IDFH�RI� D� FDPSDLJQ� WR� EULQJ� VODY-HU\� EDFN� WR� WKH� 8QLWHG� 6WDWHV�� 7KH� QHZV� RI� KHU� EXWWHU�HQGRUVHPHQW� GHDO� FDPH� MXVW� DI-

WHU� KHU� $SULO� �� GLDEHWHV� GLDJQR-VLV�� 7KRXJK� VKH� ZDV� RULJLQDOO\�H[SHFWHG� WR� EHJLQ� D� SURPRWLRQDO�FDPSDLJQ�VXSSRUWLQJ�D�PRUH�QX-WULWLRXV�OLIHVW\OH��'HHQ�UHFHQWO\�DQ-QRXQFHG� LQ� D� SUHVV� UHOHDVH� WKDW�VKH�ZDV� QRW� SODQQLQJ� RQ� FKDQJ-LQJ� KHU� KHDUW� DWWDFN�LQGXFLQJ�PHDOV� DQG� ZDV� LQVWHDG� HQWHULQJ�D��\HDU�ORQJ�HQGRUVHPHQW�GHDO��WKH� OHQJWK�RI�KHU�H[SHFWHG� OLIHV-SDQ�� ZLWK� %XWWHU� ,QFRUSRUDWLRQ�� ³<¶DOO��EXWWHU�LV�HVVHQWLDO�WR�P\�OLIHVW\OH��,�XVH�LW�RQ�HYHU\WKLQJ��,�PHDQ�IURP�KDQG�FUHDP�WR�GHHS�IULHG� 7ZLQNLHV�� QRWKLQJ� EHDWV� WKH�DUWHU\�EORFNLQJ� JRRGQHVV� WKDW� LV�EXWWHU�� ,�EHOLHYH� LW�PD\�HYHQ�KHOS�WUHDW�P\�GLDEHWHV�\¶DOO�´�VDLG�'HHQ�� 7KH�EXWWHU� FRPSDQLHV�DUH�DGYHUWLVLQJ�KHU�HQGRUVHPHQW�GHDO�ZLWK�D�QHZ�VORJDQ��³,W¶V�VR�JRRG��LW¶OO�NLOO�\¶DOO�´�,Q�UHWXUQ�IRU�KHU�VXSSRUW��'HHQ� KDV� DFFHSWHG� D� FRQWUDFW�

ZRUWK��PLOOLRQ�GROODUV�RI�EXWWHU�� ,Q� DGGLWLRQ� WR� WKH� QHZV�RI� KHU� EXWWHU� HQGRUVHPHQW� GHDO��'HHQ� KDV� DOVR� EHFRPH� WKH� QHZ�IDFH�RI�D�VODYHU\�SURPRWLRQ�JURXS�DGYRFDWLQJ� WR� EULQJ� VODYHU\� EDFN�WR� WKH� 8QLWHG� 6WDWHV�� 7KH� VDPH�JURXS�LV�DOVR�UHVSRQVLEOH�IRU�WU\LQJ�WR�VHFHGH�7H[DV� IURP� WKH�8QLWHG�6WDWHV�DV�DQ�LQGHSHQGHQW�WHUULWRU\�� 7KLV� HQGRUVHPHQW� GHDO�

HPHUJHG�DIWHU�'HHQ¶V�XVH�RI� WKH�Q�ZRUG�GXULQJ�D�FRXUW�GHSRVLWLRQ��ZKLFK� OHDG� WR� WKH� FDQFHOODWLRQ� RI�KHU�)RRG�1HWZRUN�VKRZ��%HFDXVH�RI� KHU� XVH� RI� VXFK� D� GHURJDWRU\�WHUP� DQG� VXSSRUW� IRU� WKH� GHHSO\�FRQWURYHUVLDO� SUR�VODYHU\� JURXS��VKH� KDV� EHHQ� FULWLFL]HG� DV� EH-LQJ� D� UDFLVW� DQG� QDUURZ�PLQGHG�� ,Q�UHVSRQVH�WR�WKH�FULWLFLVP��'HHQ�VDLG�� ³<D¶OO� ,�GRQ¶W� WKLQN� ,¶P�UDFLVW��,¶P�MXVW�WUDGLWLRQDO��,�MXVW�ZDQW�LW�WR�EH�WKH�VDPH�ZD\�LW�ZDV�ZKHQ�P\�PRWKHU�DQG�IDWKHU�ZHUH�DOLYH�´�� 7KRXJK� 3DXOD� 'HHQ� PD\�EH�D�UDFLVW��XQHGXFDWHG��\HDU�ROG�GRFWRU¶V�QLJKWPDUH��KHU�VXSSRUW�RI� VXFK�FRQWURYHUVLDO� JURXSV�KDV�SURYHQ� WKDW� VKH�ZLOO� JODGO\� VWDQG�EHKLQG� FDPSDLJQV� VKH� EHOLHYHV�LQ� UHJDUGOHVV� RI� SRSXODU� RSLQLRQ��7KURXJK� WKHVH�FDPSDLJQV��'HHQ�KDV�SURYHQ�WKDW�VKH�DOVR�HQGRUV-HV� DQRWKHU� FDPSDLJQ�� FRXUDJH�

0RYH�RYHU� µ7KH�%DFKHORU¶�KRVW�� &KULV� +DUULVRQ�� WKHUH¶V� D�QHZ�UXOLQJ�SRZHU�LQ�WRZQ��6WDUWLQJ�QH[W�VHDVRQ��UHDOLW\�WHOHYLVLRQ�VH-ULHV�µ7KH�%DFKHORU¶�ZLOO�EH�SXW�LQWR�3UHVLGHQW�%DUDFN�2EDPD¶V�KDQGV�� ³,¶P� VR�H[FLWHG� WR� EH�SDUW�RI� µ7KH� %DFKHORU¶� IDPLO\�´� VDLG�2EDPD��³,�KDYH�GHFLGHG�WR�PRYH�LQWR� WKH� HQWHUWDLQPHQW� LQGXV-WU\�� ,� ZDV� ZDWFKLQJ� µ7KH� %DFK-HORU¶� RQH� QLJKW� DQG� ,� WKRXJKW�µLW� ZRXOG� EH� SHUIHFW� IRU� PH�¶´�� 2EDPD� ZLOO� KRVW� VHD-VRQ� �� DQG� GHDOV� DUH� LQ� WKH�PDNLQJ� IRU� KLP� WR� KRVW� � IXWXUH�VHDVRQV�� +LV� ZLIH�� 0LFKHOOH��DQG� FKLOGUHQ�� 1DWDVKD� DQG� 0D-OLD�� DUH� H[WUHPHO\� VXSSRUWLYH�RI� WKH� QH[W� VWHS� RI� KLV� FDUHHU�� ³%DUDFN� KDV� DOZD\V� EHHQ�D�KXJH�IDQ�RI�WKH�µ7KH�%DFKHORU¶�´�VDLG�0LFKHOOH�2EDPD��³,�FDQ¶W�ZDLW�WR� VHH� KRZ� KH� UXQV� WKH� VKRZ�´� ,Q� DGGLWLRQ� WR� DLGLQJ� WKH�%DFKHORU� LQ� ¿QGLQJ� KLV� WUXH�ORYH�� %DUDFN� 2EDPD� SODQV� WR�EXLOG� UHODWLRQVKLSV� ZLWK� HDFK� RI�WKH� FRQWHVWDQWV� WR� SLFN� D� IDYRU-LWH��+RZHYHU�� LW�ZLOO� EH�XS� WR� WKH�%DFKHORU�WR�WDNH�%DUDFN�2EDPD¶V�

ORYH� DGYLFH� LQWR� FRQVLGHUDWLRQ�� ³2EDPD� LV�P\� IDYH�´� VDLG�MXQLRU� $QQLH� &XQQLQJKDP�� ³+H¶V�JRLQJ� WR�EULQJ�D�FRPSOHWHO\�QHZ�YLEH�WR�WKH�VKRZ��3OXV��DOO�WKH�FRQ-WHVWDQWV�DUH�JRLQJ�WR�IDQ�JLUO�RYHU�KLP�� QRW� WKH� DFWXDO� %DFKHORU�´� 0DQ\� SUHGLFW� %DUDFN�2EDPD� ZLOO� WDNH� DWWHQWLRQ�DZD\� IURP� WKH� ORYH� FRQQHF-WLRQV� KDSSHQLQJ� RQ� WKH� VKRZ��EXW� GHYRWHG� IDQV� DUH� WU\LQJ�WR� VWD\� WUXH� WR� WKHLU� µ%DFKHORU¶�SURPLVH� DQG� NHHS� ZDWFKLQJ�� ³,� KDYH� JURZQ� XS� ZLWK�WKH� VKRZ�´� VDLG� MXQLRU� 0HJDQ�)OHPLQJ�� ³+DYLQJ�2EDPD�DV� WKH�QHZ� KRVW� ZLOO� PDNH� IRU� DQ� HQ-WHUWDLQLQJ� DQG� XQLTXH� VHDVRQ�´� 7KH� ORYH� WULDQJOHV�DQG�GUDPD� PD\� QRW� FKDQJH�� EXW�%DUDFN�2EDPD�KRSHV�WR�VZLWFK�XS� WKH� VKRZ¶V� WUDGLWLRQV�� ³,QVWHDG�RI�JLYLQJ�RXW�URVHV�WR�WKH�FRQWHVWDQWV��,�ZDQW�WR�JLYH�RXW�DGYLFH�DQG�OLIH�WLSV�RQ�KRZ�WR�LP-SURYH�LQ�WKH�FRPSHWLWLRQ�DQG�EXLOG�VWURQJHU� UHODWLRQVKLSV� ZLWK� WKH�%DFKHORU�´� VDLG� �%DUDFN�2EDPD�� 7KH� IXWXUH� RI� µ7KH� %DFK-HORU¶� LV� XQSUHGLFWDEOH�� EXW� KDY-LQJ� %DUDFN� 2EDPD� DV� WKH� QHZ�KRVW�ZLOO�PDNH� IRU� DQ� LQWHUHVWLQJ�VHDVRQ� WKDW� QR� RQH� ZLOO� IRUJHW�

Obama becomes new host of ‘The Bachelor’ reality show

8I]TI� ,MMV� JMKWUM[� WNÅKQITendorser of butter, slavery

Fiona Bandettini,Agent Princess

Tiana De La Rosa,Mrs. Smith

3DXOD�'HHQ�SRVHV�ZLWK�KHU�QHZ�EHVW�IULHQG��EXWWHU��6KH�SODQV�WR�HQGRUVH�EXWWHU�LQ�WKH�QHDU�IXWXUH�

3KRWR�FRXUWHV\�RI�ÀLFNU�FRP

7KH�QH[W�VHDVRQ�RI�³7KH�%DFKHORU´�LV�XQGHUJRLQJ�PDMRU�FKDQJHV��3UHVLGHQW�%DUDFN�2EDPD�ZLOO�WDNH�³7KH�%DFKHORU´�SRZHU�LQWR�KLV�KDQGV�DQG�EHFRPH�WKH�QHZ�KRVW�

3KRWR�FRXUWHV\�RI�VWDWLFÀLFNU�FRP

ENTERTAINMENT12 The Scallion April 1, 2014

Hip-hop artist Kanye West an-nounced last week that the buzz-wor-thy engagement and highly anticipated wedding between himself and Kim Kar-dashian has been called off. The news stunned fans at his Atlantic City, NJ con-cert on Feb. 22 when West added that he is, in fact, planning to marry himself. When West carried out an in-tricate, over-the-top proposal to Kar-dashian on Oct. 21 at the famous AT&T Park in San Francisco, media and pa-parazzi were in a frenzy to capture every waking moment of the couple thereafter. “It was the proposal of the year, a perfect beginning to the love story be-tween two of pop-culture’s hottest peo-ple,” said an E!News representative one week after the “Kimye” engagement. According to a fan who attended his concert the night of the reveal, West went into detail about his long-term strug-gle with comprehending and accepting his “natural beauty” and “God-like perso-na.” After dealing with the inner conflict for years, West came to the conclusion that his only option was to marry himself. When asked to comment on West’s plans, Kardashian stated that

she was not at all surprised with her former fiance’s radical life decision. “If I were half as beautiful, talented and successful as Kanye, I’d marry my-self too! It would be like a—oh dang it, what’s that phrase again? A no-brainer!” said Kardashian to People magazine. “I’m not upset that he cancelled our wed-

ding and called off our relationship, I just want him to be happy. Besides, I get to be the assistant wedding planner’s right-hand man, and that’s a lot more control than I had over our wedding planning.” Plans are already well under-way, despite West’s intentions of hav-ing the wedding in April, 2032. So far, West’s purchases include eight hundred penguins, two of Taylor Swift’s award acceptance speeches and a one month rental of the moon. West turned down The Scallion’s of-fer for an interview—he also denied inter-views from “Good Morning America” and the “Today Show,” The Scallion’s biggest news rivals—however each of our staff members promptly received a “pre-wed-ding notification” signed by “Yeezus.” “It’s incredibly impressive how de-tail-oriented Mr. West is,” said West’s publicist, Gabe Tesoriero, of Island Def Jam Music Group. “Sending out no-tifications long before the big event will keep it in peoples’ minds. But ev-eryone should note that notification and invitation are not the same thing.” As West continues planning his self-to-self nuptials, gossip fanatics anxiously await next season of “Keep-ing Up With The Kardashians” for more details of his elaborate event.

West announces new wedding plans without KardashianHannah Dodge,Agent Cody Banks

‘Yeezus’ embraces the crowd’s cheers at his Feb. 22 concert. West revealed his marriage-to-self plans while on tour this year.

Photo courtesy of nydailynews.com

Earlier this year Sunset had a great showing at the regional Scholastic Art Awards. All students whose works were awarded a gold key at the regional level were then submitted to a national jury. A very special congratulations to the following students who received National Scholastic Art Awards recognition.

Robert Erwin, Gold Medal in Photography

Yulie Park, Silver Medal in Drawing

Alexis Rietze, Silver Medal in Digital Art

Samantha Skiens, Silver Medal in Photography

Lucy Stackhouse, Silver Medal in Digital Art

Modina Kdep, Silver Medal in Creative Writing

This here is real.

ENTERTAINMENT 13The Scallion April 1, 2014

It’s not everyday that some-one strolls down the street. This LV� H[DFWO\� ZKDW� 0DWW� +LH¿HOG��reverent social studies and es-teemed IB Theory of Knowl-HGJH� �7R.�� WHDFKHU�� GLG� WKH�GD\� KH�ZDV� ¿UVW� UHFRJQL]HG�DV�comedian Bill Cosby. Mistaken for Cosby a total of 37 times since that fateful day in the ��V�� +LH¿HOG� WDNHV� WKLV� SKH-nomenon to a whole new level. “I guess they’re attracted to my understated sense of hu-mor and boyish charm. Either WKDW� RU� ,� QHHG� WR� VWRS� FXWWLQJ�P\� KDLU� VR� VKRUW�´� VDLG� +LHI-LHOG�� $IWHU� D� ORQJ� SDXVH�� +LHI-LHOG� FRQWLQXHG� ZLWK�� ³,� DOZD\V�think of myself as more of a 5RQDOG�5HDJDQ� WKDQ�D�&RVE\�´�� +LH¿HOG� DSSHDUHG� RQ� ��HSLVRGHV� RI� WKH� SRSXODU� ³7KH�%LOO� &RVE\� 6KRZ´� ZKHQ� &RV-by himself came down with a case of mid-life crisis syn-

drome. According to E! News��WKRVH��HSLVRGHV� VKRW� UDWLQJV�XS� DOPRVW� RQH� SHUFHQW� IURP�the show’s average ratings.

� � � � � ³<RX� NQRZ�� ,¶P� QRW� TXLWH�certain why they chose me for WKDW� UROH�� RXW� RI� DOO� WKH� SHRSOH�LQ� WKLV� ZRUOG�´� VDLG� +LH¿HOG��

³1RW� WR� EUDJ�� EXW� P\� VZHDWHUV�back then were the only sweat-ers on the West Coast that truly rivaled those of Cosby’s. I’ve been told I need to tone GRZQ� P\� VZHDWHU� VZDJJHU�´� � � � � +LH¿HOG¶V� SDWULDUFKDO� VHQ-sibility leaks into many of his HYHU\GD\� FRQYHUVDWLRQV�� DV�KH� FDQ� RIWHQ� EH� IRXQG� VSLOOLQJ�DQHFGRWHV� LQ� KLV� FODVVURRP��GXULQJ� OXQFK�DQG� LQ�HPSW\�KDOO-ways. Even Cosby admits to MHDORXV\� RYHU� +LH¿HOG¶V� QDW-ural ability to command a FURZG� RI� VOHHS�GHSULYHG� WHHQV�� “He has a way with words. +H� DOVR� KDV� D� ZD\� ZLWK� SHU-IHFWO\� ORQJ�� WKRXJKW�SURYRN-LQJ� VLOHQFHV�´� VDLG� &RVE\�� :KHWKHU�+LH¿HOG�ZLOO� EH-FRPH� WKH� QH[W� JUHDW� VWDQG�XS�comic or be casted as Cosby KLPVHOI�LQ�WKH�XSFRPLQJ�UHPDNH�RI� WKH� ��V� FODVVLF� VKRZ�� HY-HU\RQH�FDQ�DJUHH� WKDW�+LH¿HOG��decked out in one of his trade-PDUNHG�VZHDWHUV��LV�WKH�VSLWWLQJ�image of the comedic legend.

Hiefield’s sweater swagger, wisdom beat Cosby’sJenny Fessler,Benedict Arnold

+LH¿HOG�GLVSOD\V�KLV�LQIDPRXV�VZHDWHU�VZDJJHU�DORQJVLGH�KLV�QHZ�WHOHYLVLRQ�IDP-LO\��+H�ZLOO�EH�WKH�UHSODFHPHQW�IRU�%LOO�&RVE\�LQ�WKH�XSFRPLQJ�VFL�¿�UHPDNH�RI�³7KH�&RVE\�VKRZ�´� ��Photo by: Victoria Pence

Arizona to legalize gay marriage; what next, meth?]

\ 7KH�QHZ�PDUULDJH�HTXDOLW\�DFW� UHFHQW-O\�SDVVHG�WKURXJK�$UL]RQD�OHJLVODWLRQ�LV�ZURQJ��7KHUH�LV�QR�RWKHU�VSHFLHV�RQ�HDUWK�WKDW�H[KLELWV�KRPRVH[XDO�EHKDYLRXU��LW�MXVW�LVQ¶W�VHHQ��H[FHSW�DPRQJ�GROSKLQV��ELUGV�DQG�RQH�WKRXVDQG�RWK-HU�DQLPDO�VSHFLHV��,Q�WKH�SDVW��ZKHQ�³WKH�QRU-PDOV´� HQFRXQWHUHG� QHZ�DQG� GLIIHUHQW� SHRSOH��WKH\�RSSUHVVHG�DQG�HQVODYHG�WKHP��:KDW�LV�VR�different about today? There are still 33 states LQ�WKH�8QLRQ�ZKR�KDYH�EDQQHG�DQG�RSSUHVVHG�WKH�GHVWUXFWLYH�ZDYH�RI�KRPRVH[XDOLW\��EXW�ZKDW�DERXW�WKH�RWKHU��"�,I�$UL]RQD�MRLQV�WKH�³HTXDO-LW\� EDQGZDJRQ´� WKHQ� LW� PLJKW� SUHVVXUH� RWKHU�VWDWHV�WR�MRLQ��ZKLFK�FDQQRW�EH�DOORZHG��(TXDO�rights in love is far too much for the homosexu-DOV�WR�DVN�RI�³WKH�QRUPDOV´��LW¶V�VR�XQ�$PHULFDQ�� -XVW� WDNH�D� ORRN� DW� WKLV� FKDLQ� RI� HYHQWV��RQH� WKDW� VWDUWV� ZLWK� KDSS\� KRPRVH[X-DO� FRXSOHV� ERQGHG� E\� KRO\� PDWULPRQ\�

and ends with the destruction of mankind. 1. The Beginning: Mans’ inevitable end will start with homosexual marriage. They will EH�FRQWHQW�DQG�KDSS\��WHQGLQJ�WR�WKHLU�JDUGHQV��ZDVKLQJ�WKH�GLVKHV��DUJXLQJ�RYHU�WKH�79�FKDQ-nel and enjoying all other luxuries of married life. /LIH�ZLOO�VHHP�VLPSOH�DQG�SOHDVDQW�IRU�HYHU\RQH� 2. The Conversion: Chaos will descend LQWR� WKH� KRPHV� RI� SHUIHFWO\� VDWLV¿HG� KHW-HURVH[XDO� FRXSOHV�� DV� PHQ� DQG� ZRPHQ�are indirectly coerced into homosexuali-ty by the allure of the unknown. Children’s SDUHQWV� ZLOO� GLYRUFH�� KRPHV� ZLOO� EH� EURNHQ�DQG� WKH� VWUHHWV� ZLOO� VWDUW� WR� ¿OO� ZLWK� SURWHVWV� 3. The Descent: Once the domestic as-SHFW� RI� KXPDQLW\� LV� WKURZQ� LQWR� WXUPRLO�� LW�ZLOO� EH� D� VOLSSHU\� VORSH�� 3HRSOH� ZLOO� EHJLQ� WR�demand that other destructive vices be le-JDOL]HG� VXFK� DV� SURVWLWXWLRQ�� VWHDOLQJ� DQG�PHWK�� 7KH� VKHHU� IHURFLW\� RI� WKH� SHRSOH¶V� GH-termination will be enough to convince lo-cal and federal government that meth is also

D� JRRG� LGHD�� MXVW� OLNH� VDPH�VH[� PDUULDJH�� 7KH� 5HVLVWDQFH��$Q� XSULVLQJ� DJDLQVW�WKH� FKDQJHV� ZLOO� HQVXH�� DQG� ULYDO� IDF-WLRQV� ZLOO� EHJLQ� WR� WDNH� WKHLU� SROLWLFV� WR� WKH�VWUHHWV�� 6WURQJO\�ZRUGHG� VLJQV� DQG� HPS-WLHG� SHSSHU�VSUD\� FDQV� ZLOO� OLH� DEDQGRQHG�LQ�SDUNV�DV� WKH� ULRWV�PRYH� WRZDUG�&RQJUHVV� 5: The Destruction: The resistance will fail. Tweakers and homosexuals will domi-nate all new districts as rival gangs. Secret RUJDQL]DWLRQV�ZLOO�UXOH�WKH�XQGHUJURXQG��%XLOG-LQJV� ZLOO� EXUQ�� FDUV� ZLOO� H[SORGH� DQG� SHRSOH�ZLOO� GULIW� OLVWOHVVO\� WKURXJK� OLIH�� PRYLQJ� RQO\�E\� WKH� DOPLJKW\� SRZHU� RI� WKHLU� PHWK� KLJK�� 7KLV� LV�D�VQDSVKRW�RI�RXU�IXWXUH�ZRUOG��D�ZRUOG� ZKHUH� OHJDOL]HG� KRPRVH[XDO� PDUULDJH�LV�UHDO��7KLV�LV�$PHULFD��DQG�$PHULFDQV�ZLOO�QRW�VWDQG�IRU�WKH�SUHVHQFH�RI�HTXDOLW\�DW�WKH�FRVW�RI�OLEHUW\��:KLOH�LW�PD\�EH�WRR�ODWH�WR�VDYH�$UL]RQD��LW�LV�WKH�UHVSRQVLELOLW\�IRU�DOO�2UHJRQLDQV�WR�VWDQG�XS�WR�HTXDOLW\��WR�VD\�QR�WR�VDPH�VH[�PDUULDJH�DQG� WR� VD\� \HV� WR� IUHHGRP� IRU� RXU� SRVWHULW\�

Anamika Vaughan,Special Agent Dale Cooper

OPINION14 The Scallion April 1, 2014

The Scroll Staff

Co-Editors in ChiefAnamika Vaughan-Jenny Fessler

News EditorSharada Menon

Opinion/Editorial EditorAmelia Turnquist

Entertainment EditorBraden Prillwitz

Sports and Activities EditorNatalie Valent

Staff WritersHannah Dodge-Fiona Bandettini-

Tiana De La Rosa-Ria Chang-

Ali Wiede-Maggie Vanoni-

Sage Steineke-Mora Camplair-

0HOLVVD�'LDPRQG�$YHU\�6FR¿HOG

Photo EditorHaily Hargrave

Design TeamAnna Kemper-Sage Steineke-

Mora Camplair

Tech EditorShreyans Khunteta

Staff PhotographersVictoria Pence-John Freeman-

Taylor Ketchum

AdvisorEloika Rozendaal

Editorial PolicyThe Scroll is written by the stu-

dents of the Publications class.

It is edited by an editorial board

who makes all content-related

decisions and is responsible for

all material appearing in The Scroll. The opinions presented

in The Scroll do not necessarily

represent the position of the en-

tire staff, Sunset High School or

the Beaverton School District. As

a public forum for student expres-

sion, The Scroll welcomes letters

to the editor and comments on

articles, but it reserves the right

to revise inappropriate letters and

comments. All comments must

be signed and may be edited for

its length, accuracy and clarity.

SPONSORS 15The Scallion April 1, 2014

?Xggp�?fli,'��f]]�=ifq\e�Pf$

^lik),��f]]�>\cXkf�Xe[�

;i`ebj)1*'$*1*'

GAME16 The Scallion April 1, 2014

SHS Scallion 2014

Documents

Transcript of SHS Scallion 2014