2 Sketches for Stupendous

By

Charlie Starkey

285 Warrington Road Leigh

01925 839475

Charlie.starkey@hotmail.com

1

INT. LOCAL VILLAGE CHURCH - DAY

1. L.S. looking down the aisle of the church only seeing 8 family members all dressed in black suits and dresse, they are taking their seats for the start of the funeral.

2. M.S. and CAMERA TRACKS from the front door slowly move back as FATHER O'NEIL enters from the aisle still dressing himself while walking towards the altar, he then falls over walking down the aisle but quickly springs back up making his way to the altar.

FATHER O'NEIL

Bollocks! That killed.

3. M.S. with a slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he walks past the open casket and takes a quick glance.

FATHER O'NEIL

(Murmuring)

Ya'alright.

4. M.S. with a slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he gets behind the altar. He then reaches underneath the altar and pulls out a small flask of whiskey and takes a quick swig. Father O'Neil then lets out a LOUD BURP that echoes through the church.

FATHER O'NEIL

Love the acoustics in this church, just wanna say as well, the Greyhound pub last night was crazy! So anyway we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of... erm... Sa-.. no err Pe-... erm.. he looks like a Derek so I'll go with that. So we are gather-

Continued

2

5. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of DARRELL father of the boy in the casket who stands up out of his seat aggressively pointing at the priest.

DARRELL

Hey! His names Liam!

FATHER O'NEIL

Alright mate chill, I made a mistake, we're all human here, yeah!

6. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE Darrell slowly sits back down in his seat eyes locked on Father O'Neil.

7. M.S. of Father O'Neil with a slight LOW ANGLE.

FATHER O'NEIL

Sorry about that interruption we had there folks, but we seem to have some inconsiderate people that don't have respect for the dead!

8. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of Darrell staring up at altar.

9. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE, of Father O'Neil looking down at Darrell.

FATHER O'NEIL

Anyway we will now listen to one of Matthew's favourite songs in memory of his happiness.

10. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of Darrell shaking his head after Father O'Neil fails to remember his son's name once again.

11. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he presses the play button on a small remote control. HEAVY DANCE MUSIC is then played loudly through the

Continued

3

speakers. Father O'Neil then starts to repeatedly press multiple buttons to try and stop the loud noise.

12. M.S to L.S as Father O'Neil runs with CAMERA PANNING to the music player and pours holy water on the music player, the music then stops playing.

FATHER O'NEIL

Shit! Was that the holy water? Never mind.

13. M.S. of Father O'Neil walking back to altar with a panning camera, he then pulls a card out from his robe and begins to read through it.

FATHER O'NEIL

Thank you for listening, that was Tracy Chapman Fast Car, one of Liam's favourite songs.

14. L.S. HIGH ANGLE of all the families looking disgusted and annoyed with Father O'Neil.

15. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil stood behind the altar.

Father O'Neil

So let's move on to some speeches and get this thing over and done with. Darrell since you always have something to say why don't you start us of?

16. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE as Darrell stands up switching to a NORMAL ANGLE and makes his way to the altar.

17. M.S. Of Father O'Neil while he lights a cigarette and is sitting down with a shot glass and a bottle of vodka next to the casket.

Continued

4

18. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE off Darrell stood at altar.

DARRELL

What the hell do you think you're doing Father, is this really appropriate after all the destruction you caused to my sons funeral anyway?!

19. M.S. of Father O'Neil sat at the casket with the cigarette and vodka.

FATHER O'NEIL

Can a guy not have a drink and light a cigarette in peace? Jesus Christ!

20. M.S. of Father O'Neil as he puts the cigarette out on the edge of the casket purposely looking at Darrell to make sure he doesn't see him do it and takes one last shot before placing the bottle of vodka in the casket.

21. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell stood behind the altar.

DARRELL

Well I'd like to thank everyone for coming today to celebrate the life of my son Liam.

22. L.S. of audience with HIGH ANGLE, audience start to tear up and become upset.

23. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell back at the altar looking up.

DARRELL

Liam was such a handsome smart boy that had such a bright future, he never did

Continued

5

anything wrong and this should never have happen-

24. M.S. of Father O'Neil sat back in his chair snoring very loudly filling the church with his loud disturbing snoring.

25. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell looking annoyed behind the altar.

DARRELL

Father! Right I've had it!

26. M.S. to L.S. of Darrel running to Father O'Neil next to the open casket with CAMERA PANNING.

27. C.U of Darrel and Father O'Neil faces close together.

DARRELL

I've had enough of your shit today.

28. C.U of Father O'Neil's face as he wakes up.

29. M.S. of Father O'Neil being held by Darrell by the collar, Father O'Neil then vomits all over Darrell and inside the open casket.

30. M.S. HIGH ANGLE shot of Darrell falling to the floor covered in vomit.

31. M.S. of Father O'Neil stood up looking at the camera.

32. L.S. of the audience which is meant to be POV shot for Father O'Neil, audience looking back at camera looking disgusted.

33. M.S of Father O'Neil in front of the casket.

FATEHR O'NEIL

Continued

6

Oh dear...

34. L.S. of Father O'Neil stumbling and eventually falling unconscious into the casket.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

1. L.S of warehouse surrounded by police cars with POLICE SIRENS in the background.

INT. Warehouse

2. OVER SHOULDER shot of COP 1 aiming gun at MASKED MAN holding WOMAN hostage at gun point.

3. OVER SHOULDER shot of Masked Man Looking at Cop 1, Cop 2 and Cop 3.

4. M.S. of Cop 1, 2 and 3.

COP 1 (MALE)

Let her go!

5. M.S. of Masked Man holding Woman hostage.

MASKED MAN

No!

6. C.U of Cop 1's gun being lowered.

7. M.S of Cop 1 looking at Masked man, other 2 Cops still aiming.

COP 1 (MALE)

Pretty please let her go, it's our first day give us a break.

8. M.S. of Masked Man still in hostage position.

MASKED MAN

I'm not letting her go!

Continued

7

9. C.U of Cop 1's face, blank expression.

10. C.U of Cop 2 then reaching in to pocket.

11. M.S. of Cop 2 then sliding a packet of Skittles on the floor.

COP 2 (FEMALE)

What about if I gave you these?

12. C.U of masked man's face.

MASKED MAN

Are you crazy?!

13. M.S. of Cop 3 and the other two cops.

14. C.U. of Cop 3 reaching in to pocket an pulling out a packet of Minstrels.

15. M.S. of Cop 3 sliding the packet across the floor to the Masked man.

16. M.S. shot of Masked man looking at the packet on the floor.

MASKED MAN

Well Minstrels are my favourite.

17. C.U. shot of Masked Man reaching for the Minstrels of the floor.

18. M.S. of the three Cops aiming at the Masked Man.

COP 1 (MALE)

Now hand her over !

19. C.U. of Masked Man putting the Minstrels in his pocket.

MASKED MAN

Continued

8

No, not just for a packet of Minstrels

20. M.S. of Cop 3 lowering gun.

Cop 3 (MALE)

You sick fuck!

21. M.S of Cop 3 running at the Masked Man in SLOW MOTION with CAMERA TRACKING.

22. M.S. of Cop 2 grabbing Cop 3 by the arm, holding him back.

23. C.U. of Cop 2 holding Cop 3.

COP 2 (FEMALE)

Stand your ground! It's what he wants!

24. C.U of Cop 1 holding gun at Masked Man.

COP 1 (MALE)

You'll pay for what you've done.

25. M.S. of Cop 3 falling to the ground in tears holding his head in his hands.

COP 3 (MALE)

Those were for my lunch break!

26. M.S of Cop 2 placing his hand on Cop 3's shoulder.

COP 2 (FEMALE)

Hey come on we'll get through this alright, we'll get back to the station we'll get you some Maltesers or something.

Continued

9

27. M.S of Cop 3 slowly standing up and walking to the window of the warehouse.

28. C.U SIDE shot of the face of Cop 3.

COP 3 (MALE)

I can't do it! I can't fucking do it anymore! What is my life!

29. M.S. of Masked Man and Woman looking very confused at the situation.

30. M.S. of Cop 1 and 2 both walking to Cop 3 to calm him down.

31. C.U SIDE shot of Cop 3 looking at the window.

COP 3 (MALE)

You can't replace Minstrels with Maltesers you just can't!

32. M.S of Cop 1 and 2 stood beside Cop 3, Cop 1 places hand on Cop 3's shoulder.

COP 1 (MALE)

What about a Kit Kat?

33. OVER SHOULDER shot of Cop 1 as Cop 3 slowly turns to him with a motionless blank expression.

34. M.S. of Cop 2 looking the other way where the Masked Man was stood.

COP 2 (FEMALE)

Hey, where'd he go?

35. L.S. of all the Cops, Cop 1 and 2 turn around to see that the Masked Man is missing.

FADE OUT

Continued