Shanghai Scottish Football Team End of Season Awards -...
Transcript of Shanghai Scottish Football Team End of Season Awards -...
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Shanghai Scottish Football Team End of Season Awards - 2012
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THE BEGINNING - 1866
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THE RE-BIRTH
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King Kenny’s washing machine breaks down Just a night before the big game, Kenny McDonald has had to call out the engineers to fix his washing machine. In a frantic dash to shrink his football strip, after the 8th boil wash the Kunshan made washing machine just broke down. Reports say he has had to resort to scissors and cut the sleeves. Lets hope he uses them for his hair aswell…. More Scottish news
Campbell caught in Shanghai Massage parlour covered in oil. Our photographer caught, Mr Murray Campbell in a rather compromising situation last night. With his trousers literally down at his ankles, 3 young pretty Chinese Masseurs were rubbing furiously on his lower half. As Murray grabbed our camera to stop the photos he claimed “they’re oiling and rubbing my hamstring, honest! I need to play this game”..
Jope “Gers just couldn’t afford me”.
The Glasgow Rangers scouts were apparently at Jingan Stadium on Wednesday evening looking for replacements before the mass summer exodus from Ibrox. The scout apparently had his eyes on solid defender Jope.
However, when the after match discussions took place and topic turned to financial matters Jope reportedly commented “Gers couldny afford me, I’m on a massive package here with a house bigger than those in Newton Mearns, a private driver and ex-pat package..I’m staying put”!
Our reporter, Chick Young arrives in Shanghai for the Prentice- Scottowe Cup, Scotland v England latest
Supporting our team, best wishes to all from our Daily
Record readers
“Chinese Spare ribs please?” Mike Bradley has been touring the Shanghai hospitals to try and get a rib transplant. Team skipper, Phil Smiley has gave the instruction to replace the sore rib at all costs as 3 minutes is all it takes for Bradley to turn the game….More Scottish news
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Man of the match, Doyle has good hands Brian Doyle missed his opportunity to take glory of his MOTM award by missing the presentation. Our camera man at the after match celebrations caught Brian at the bar apparently buying a pint for the English player who sportingly cancelled his red card after Brian’s
As the hangovers clear in the Scottish camp, discussions on where it went wrong are now being analysed. It is thought it could be down to the pre-match team talk and the call for all players to have plenty of shots. After the fry up it seems that’s what the players done before leaving Tams… “had plenty of shots”. More stories inside…
Our reporter, Chick Young arrives in Shanghai for the Prentice- Scottowe Cup, LATEST!
Scotland 3 England 1 ((This is the early edition and had to go to press at 3:45pm on Sat.)
Former French Concession roads in lockdown as Tartan Army delight locals Locals were clapping and rejoicing at having the tartan army bring colour and bagpipes to the Saturday morning usually peaceful streets of Shanghai’s French Concession. However, this morning the street cleaners were double staffed to clean the lane outside Tam’s bar after 30 Scots arrived aff the bus bursting fur a pish. Click here to see some pitch side stunners…
Tributes pour in for the “Mann” of the moment A familiar Scotland story unfolded yesterday as the Scots failed to keep their 3 1 lead at halftime, with England putting in a sponny 2nd half to win 6 3. Praise however, goes to the man who created such an amazing event making all Scots in Shanghai very proud. After the game Ainsley spoke to Chick Young and said “Its been a blast working on this event over the last few months but I can now focus on my normal job of running my chain of bars in Asia, called Mannhattans. Some may have wondered why these seedy establishments were spelt this way. Coz I own them”. Sunday Mail Exclusive…
Captain Phil Smiley “2013, Scotland will be back.
Bigger, faster and soberer”
goal line wonder save. Team mate and goalkeeper, Amanda collected the award on his behalf.
Scotland players misunderstand Bradley’s call for “plenty of shots”.
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(his EL-JO, J-LO and KKK battle it out in biggest music rivalry since Beatles v Stones Shanghai is the setting for the century’s biggest battle of the music legends! People are fainting in the streets as they try to get the last of the tickets to see King Kenny of Kunshan play his gig while Latino Babe Elton John and Wig and spectacle wearing father of two, J-Lo can only manage 2 million tickets sold between them!. Click here for stunning photos of El-Jo and KKK!
Shanghai Scot’s Tartan launched
Peter Kinloch-Anderson may well be the talk of the town this weekend as the Shanghai Scots’ tartan has just been launched with much admiration from the ladies. As the launch party got underway with several of the Scots adorning the official tartan the models just couldn’t get enough of the blue n red plus 4s. One Scot, who will remain nameless, had apparently lost his pair. Found later in the cubicle of Manhattans bar.
Capt warns team not to over- indulge
End of season party time but already Capt Phil Smiley has warned any over-weight fat bastards returning after Xmas will be on the sidelines until they loose their winter blubber. Although some players at the start of this season have failed to get under the 17 stone limit throughout the season
This season it looks like that limit may have to be increased to 18 stones for next season. Inside for fat pics
The BBC arrives in Shanghai for the Guinness Cup Re-match, Scotland v Ireland. Sue Barker hosts the Shanghai Scots’ Sports Personality of the Year 2012!
“Ibrahimovic! Goal of the century! “My arse” claims Shanghai Scot’s striker, Craig McKenzie ” Its always a pleasure to witness our Auld enemy getting pumped by other teams but it was a special goal that has been branded as the best goal ever scored that’s hit the headlines. That title however, can only go to one legend and that’s Craig McKenzie of Shanghai Scots. After taking the pass from an outstanding run from David Moore, McKenzie dribbled, nutmegged several Welsh players before curling it into the top corner, a better goal there never has been, a true hero. Click inside for the interview with McKenzie and his best pal, wee Gemmill
End of season edition! What a great year for the Shanghai Scots! Truly wonderful team mates!
Alba gu brath!
Supporting our team, best wishes
to all from our Daily Record readers
Guinness Cup, SRFC, Sat 24th Nov 2012, 3:00pm KO
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THE YEAR THAT WAS
Shanghai Scottish 3-6 England
Shanghai Scottish 3-4 Ireland
Shanghai Scottish 2-5 Holland
Shanghai Scottish 4-3 France Shanghai Scottish 2-2 Wales
Shanghai Scottish 6-4 Japan Played 6, Lost 3, Won 2, Drawn 1
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THE YEAR THAT WAS Shanghai Masters Tournament:
Last Dulwich Dribblers: Erased from
record books
Emerald Friendlies: Played 3 Won 2
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1. Fine Masters Are Always Right
2. When Fine Masters Are Wrong, Re-Read Rule 1
3. All Decisions are Final
4. Appeals Will Result In Increased Fines
SSFA DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE RULES
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The Heidi Fleiss Award For
Procurement & Supply of Women to Others
Winner: Jordan Campbell
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The Bo Xi Lai Award For
Abuse of Executive Power
Winner: Alan Jope
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The Darren Anderton Award For
Sicknotes
Winner: Michael Bradley (5…call it half a dozen)
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The China Eastern Award For
Late Cancellations Winners: Colin Dowall (3), Richard Blyth, Brian Doyle, Finlay Walker,
Patric Dougan
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The Evil Knieval Award For
Daft Injuries
Winner: David Ingram
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The Stephen Fletcher Award For
Commitment to the Cause
Winners: Michael Bradley, Paula Webster
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The George Best Award For
Pre Match Drinking
Winner: Finlay Walker
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The Terry Fuckwitt Award
For Being unable to use
Teamer
Winners: Simon Millar, David Moore
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Roger Melly Award For Putting Your Foot in it
and insulting Jopey
Winner: Patric Dougan
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The Chris Iwelumo Award For
Miss of The Season
Winner: Simon Millar
How did that go over the bar???
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The Dalai Lama Award For
Being the Most Unlikely Candidate to Score in Brothel
Winner: Stephen McNulty
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Stephen McNulty Award For
Impersonating a Striker
Winner: Stephen McNulty
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The Fat Bastard Award For Being a Greedy Bastard
Winner: Jordan Campbell
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The St Winifred School Choir Award For
One Hit Wonders
Winners: Anyone who played one game
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The Kama Sutra Award For
Having a go in any position
Winner: Ainsley Mann
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The Genghis Khan Award For
On Field Bampottery
Winner: Brian Doyle
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The Filippo Inzaghi Award for being born offside
Winner: Stephen McNulty
The lad must have been born
offside
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The Mark Thatcher Award For
Navigational Issues
Winner: Alan Smith
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Winston’s Award For
Whinging
Winner: Phil Smiley
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The Elvis Costello “I Can’t stand up for
falling down” Award
Winner: Will Clem
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The Gareth Southgate Award For
Penalty Taking
Winner: Jordan Campbell
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Greg Louganis Award For
Inept Diving
Winner: Graeme Faulkner
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THE USS MISSOURI AWARD
FOR HAVING A TURN LIKE A
BATTLESHIP
Winner: Craig Mackenzie
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The Bruce Forsyth Award
for playing the Generation Game
Winner: The Ritchies
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The Agoraphobia Award For
Fear Of Open Spaces
Winner: Bryan Thomson
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The Carthusian Monk Award
For Communication
Winner: Murray Campbell
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The Rev Ian Paisley Award For
Impersonating a Blue Nose Ulsterman
Winner: Dave Moore
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Archbishop Desmond Tutu Award
For Truth and Reconciliation
Winner: Dave Moore
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The Only Gay In The Village Award For
Being the Only Englishman to Play For Shanghai Scots
Winner: Adam Fairbrother
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The Berti Vogts Award For
Tactical Prowess on the Sidelines
Winner: Michael Bradley
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The Craig Levein Award For
Tactical Prowess on the Sidelines
Winner: Michael Bradley
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The Lionel Logue Award For
Speech Therapy
Winner: Paula Webster
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The Ban Ki Moon Award For
Diplomacy
Winner: Martin Walker
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The Charlie Sheen Award For
Getting Arrested
Winner: Dave Moore
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The Martin Luther King Award For
Most Inspiring Speech of the Season
Winner: King Kenny of Kunshan
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The Barry Ferguson Award For
Post Match Drinking
Winner: Graeme Ker
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The Craig White Award For
Not Paying Your Bills
Winner: Phil Childs
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The Usain Bolt Award For
Inspiring Athletic Prowess
Winner: Michael Bradley
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The Rab C Nesbitt Award For
Best Performance by a Jakey
Winner: King Kenny of
Kunshan
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The Victoria Secrets Award For
Fashion Design
Winner: Craig MacKenzie
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The Rebekah Brooks Award For
Tabloid Journalism
Winner: Graeme Faulkner
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The Captain Mannering Award For
Looking after Dads Army
Winner: Phil Smiley
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The Posh Spice Award For
Taking It Up the Arse
Winner: Colin Dowall (Text him your congratulations on 13818488145)
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SEASON 2012 PLAYER AWARDS
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TEAM-MATE OF THE YEAR
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YOUNG PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Graeme Ker
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VETERAN PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Alan Jope
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Scottish Sports Personality of the year - Nominations
• Michael Bradley • King Kenny of Kunshan • Craig MacKenzie
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SSSPOTY AWARD