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Shadow Dance; Liberating the Power and Creativity of your

Dark Side by David Richo

To befriendthe positive shadow:1) Affirmthat you have the quality you admire or envy

in someone else. This can be a simple declaration or

affirmation, such as: I am more and more

courageous.

2) Actas if you have that quality by making choices

that demonstrate it.

3) Announceit: tell everybody you know that you aremaking these changes and ask for their support.

These are three stepswe take. They are usually followed by

shiftsin our personality; we begin to act in wiser, more

loving, and more healing ways with no further need for

effort. This is the grace dimension, the spiritual assistance

to our work.

To befriend thenegative personal shadow: Practice these

five As:

1) Acknowledgethat you have all the attributes humans

can have, that you contain both sides of every human

coin. Acknowledge that you have the specific

negative traits you see in others that evoke a strong

reaction of repulsion in you

2) Allow yourself to hold and cradle these parts of

yourself

3) Admitto yourself and to one other person these

shadow discoveries about yourself,

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4) Make amendsto those who may have been hurt by

your denial of your own shadow: I saw this in you

and it is in me. I have blamed you for what I am

ashamed of in myself.5) Become awareof the kernel of value in your negative

shadow characteristic and then treat it as you did

the positive shadow effects above. P 256-257.

Negative Shadow: What Positive Shadow: The

we see in others but do kernel of lively energynot notice in ourselves we have in us potentially

but do not see

addictiveness steadfastness

anxiety excitement

approval seeking openness to appreciation

arrogance self-confidence,self-creditattachment involvement

bias discernment

bitterness, grudge holding refusal to overlook injustice

blind obedience loyalty

capitulation compromise

caretaking compassion

clinging loyalty

coercion persuasion

compromise negotiability

compulsion reliability, follow through

compulsive orderliness organization, efficiency

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conning persuasiveness

connivance intelligent strategizing

control,manipulativeness leadership,efficiency,initiative,

coordinating abilitycowardice caution

coyness creative strategizing

cruelty healthy anger

cunning artful subtlety in self-

provisioning

defensiveness preparedness

demanding askingdependency on others reasonable trust of others

disorder flexibility

feuding disagreement

entitlement merited worthiness,

deservingness

envyadmiration

false front improvisationfearcaution and vulnerability

fear of abandonment lining up support

fear of engulfment maintaining boundaries

flattery sincere complimenting

foolhardiness bravery

gluttony gourmet appreciation without

compulsion

greed self-provision

guilt conscientiousness

hatehealthy anger

helplessness openness to support

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hostility assertive anger

hypocrisy ability to act as if

impatience eagerness

impulsiveness spontaneityincompetence willingness to experiment and

be seen as one is

indecision refusal to act without

sufficient facts or inner

resources

intimidation recognition of inadequate

skills to fight backjealousy protectiveness

jumping to conclusions intuitiveness

laziness relaxedness

legalism healthy respect for law

loneliness openness to nurturance

loquacity articulateness

lying imaginativenessmiserliness caution in the use of money

neediness ability to ask for responsive-

ness to ones appropriate needs

obsequiousness respect

obsession interest, focused attention

overspending on oneself self-nurturance

over commitment wholeheartedness

perfectionism commitment to doing things well

pretentiousness healthy narcissism

procrastination honoring ones own timing

prodigality generosity

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profligacy passion

promiscuous lust uninhibited safe sex

rebellion against a sense freedom and ability to choose

of obligation or refuserecklessness adventurousness

ridicule good-natured humor, but not at

anothers expense

rigidity tenacity, conviction

sarcasm wit

selfishness self-nurturance

self-justification self-protectionself-pity self-forgiveness

separatism clear boundaries

slyness shrewdness

stubbornness determination

submissiveness cooperation, docility

suspiciousness not hiding ones head in the

sand, the courage toknow the truth

tactless bluntness frank candidness

vengefulness or spite righting wrongs

whining saying Ouch and asking for

what one needs

Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of your

Dark Side by David Richo, pp267-270.