1 i I m p r e s s i v e D i n i n g S k i l l s f o r E v e r y M e a l

S imply stated, the dining manners you use are an outward expression of your sensitivity to the comfort of those around you. You’ll find here the most important and impressive dining skills that will equip you to enjoy each meal with ease, savvy, and confidence. Put these skills into practice and whether you’re

enjoying breakfast with your family, an important business lunch, or a romantic dinner for two, you’ll be free to concentrate on issues that matter: your conversation, your agenda, and—most importantly—the other person.

Seven Course Meal Setting

IndividualPepper Shaker

Individual Salt Shaker

Butter Knife

Bread & ButterPlate

Fis

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ork

Din

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Fo

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Sal

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Sal

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Din

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Kn

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Cocktail Fork

SherryGlass

White Wine Glass

RedWine Glass

WaterGoblet

ChampagneFlute

Dessert Spoon

Dessert Fork

Menu

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Setting the Table •TheitemsthatgoontheRIGHTofyourplateallhavefiveletters—thesamenumberasinthewordRight—glass,knife,andspoon.Placetheknifenexttotheplatewiththebladefacingtheplateandwiththeglassdirectlyabovetheknife.Whenaspoonisneeded,placeittotherightoftheknife. •Foradults,andchildrenovertheageoffive,vegetablesaswellasstarches,likemashedpotatoesandrice,shouldbeeatenwithafork.Forthisreason,itisnotconsideredcorrecttosetaspoonateachplacesettingotherthanforbreakfast.Somecommonfoodscorrectlyeatenwithaspoonincludegelatin,applesauce,yogurt,cereal,icecream,pudding,and,ofcourse,soup. •Althoughyouhavetoplaywiththewordsalittle,theitemsproperlysettotheLEFToftheplateallhavefourletters—thesameasinthewordLeft—fork,

roll(orbreadofanytype),andnapkin.Forkandrollareeasytorememberbecausetheybothhavefourletters.Togetnapkintofit,rememberthatit’susedto“wipe”yourfingersandlips,andyouhaveanotherfour-letterreminder. •Thenapkinisplacedtotheleftofthefork,notunderit,becauseitisthefirstitemusedintheplacesetting.(Etiquettestatesthatonceautensilistouched,itshouldnottouchthetableagain.Puttingthenapkinundertheforkrequiresustotouchtheforktogettothenapkin.) •Forspecialmeals,anapkinmaybefoldedintofunshapesandplaceddirectlyontheplate. •Whenanapkinisplacedinaglass,it’sasignalthattheserverwillplaceitonyourlapforyou. •Atmealswithsixormoreguests,it’sagoodideatouseplacecards.Thecardsshowyourguestsyou’vegiventhoughttotheircomfortatdinnerbychoosingwhomtheymightenjoyconversingwithduringthemeal.Placecardscanbepositioneddirectlyabovethedinnerplateorabovetheforks,nexttothebreadandbutterplate.

Butter Knife

Bread & ButterPlate

Din

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Fo

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Sal

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Din

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Kn

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Dessert Spoon

Dessert Fork

Wine Glass

WaterGoblet

So

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Three Course Meal Setting

3 i I m p r e s s i v e D i n i n g S k i l l s f o r E v e r y M e a l

Coming to the Table • Remain standing until everyone comes to the table. The host/ess should be the first to sit; after that, the women guests sit, and lastly, the men. • As you sit, in order to avoid bumping into other guests as you each enter your chairs, always enter the chair from the chair’s right. (Your left leg will be the first to come into contact with the chair.) Always leave the table by exiting from the chair in the same direc-tion you entered it. • As a sign of respect, any time grace is to be said prior to a meal, don’t touch anything on the table until grace is finished. • As a sign of appreciation for the host/ess, once food is served, allow him or her to be the first one to begin each course. Wait for him or her to pick up a fork and begin to eat.

Napkin Know-How • The host/ess will be the first to remove his or her napkin and place it on his/her lap to signal the meal has begun. • Unfold your napkin once it’s on your lap, not while it’s in mid-air. • Open your napkin completely and then refold it in half. Keep your napkin folded in half on your lap with the fold facing your waist. • Wipe your fingers and lips on the top portion of the fold. The bottom half, touching your clothes, is then kept as a barrier between the soiled portion of your napkin and your lap. • Wipe your fingers often, especially before passing anything. • Wipe your lips each time before taking a drink to keep food particles or lipstick from forming a mark on the glass. • If, for any reason, you leave the table, place your napkin on the seat of your chair and push your chair under the table. No one should be left looking at your dirty napkin while you’re away from the table.To avoid getting the seats of the chair dirty, remem-ber to place the clean side of the napkin against the cushion. • The napkin should remain on your lap throughout the meal and any after-dinner conversation. You place it back on the table only when you get up to leave. • To signal the end of the meal, the host/ess will be

the first to remove her napkin from her lap and place it the LEFT of her plate. Everyone else should then do the same. • Don’t neatly refold a used napkin. Simply lay it loosely folded on the table.

Silverware Savvy • Once a piece of silverware has been picked up, no part of it should touch the table again throughout the meal. • Cut one bite of food at a time. This keeps food from becoming cold too quickly. It also slows down your eating and keeps your plate looking neater.Make sure to cut and not saw your food. Cut in one direction only. • To cut a bite of food, hold your knife in your right hand and your fork in your left hand. Place the index finger of each hand at the top of the handle, directly below the tines of the fork, and the blade of the knife. After cutting a bite, place your knife down on your plate and transfer your fork to your right hand. (If you are left-handed than reverse the process.)

The Silent Service Code Rest Position: This position silently “signals” to

the wait staff and your fellow diners that you plan to continue eating what’s on your plate. Use this position when doing anything other than cutting your food. Exampls: taking a drink, eating a bite of bread or roll,

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chewing what’s in your mouth, talking, or if you tempo-rarily leave the table for any reason. How to Place your Fork: Lay the fork on your plate with the tines facing up and pointing at 10:00 (Unlike the Continental style of eating, in the American style, the tines of the fork are always facing up whenever the fork is placed on the plate.) How to Place your Knife: Lay your knife across the top right of the place at an angle. Make sure that the cutting edge (the blade) of the knife faces in towards you. (During the Middle Ages a knife laid with the “business end” facing out towards other diners was a sign of aggression towards them.)

Finish Position: This position silently “signals” the wait staff and your fellow diners that you have finished eating what’s on your plate and are ready for the next course. How to Place your Fork: Place the tines of the fork up and pointing to 10:00 with the handle of the fork pointing to 4:00 as in the Rest Position. How to Place your Knife: Place your knife beside and just above the fork. Note: When placing your knife in the Finish Posi-tion, leave the handles extruding approximately one inch off the plate. This allows for faster and quieter removal of the plates from the table. The server can grasp the plate and the silverware with one hand with-out the silverware clanging against the plate.

Being Served, Passing, and Requesting Food • The wait staff will serve all dishes and food items from your left. This information is helpful so you’ll know which way to lean to avoid bumping into dishes as they are served to you. The wait staff will remove all dishes and food items from your right. • Beverages are both served and removed from your right to avoid spilling them across your lap. • When being served from a platter, take the serving fork in your left hand and the spoon in your right; make sure to lay the serving utensils back side-by-side so that it’s easy for the next guest to serve himself. • Always take modest portions. Never fall to the temptation of piling food high on your plate. It’s much better to go back to the buffet line three times than returning once with food mounded on your plate. • If thin slices of meats are served, help yourself to two. If the slices are thicker, take just one. • For a family meal where everyone is seated around one table, all the food should be passed before anyone begins to eat. • Help yourself to whatever dish is in front of you, and then pass it to your right. All food should go around the table and end-up back where it began. • It’s kind to hold the dish for the person on your right so it’s easier for them to serve themselves. • Pay attention to the other diners. If you notice they have eaten the item that was in the dish you originally passed around, offer them another serving. • If an item has been passed around the table once, it no longer has to be passed to the right. Simply pass it in the shortest possible route. • If everyone has had an opportunity to take a portion of each dish, and you see there’s more left, it’s correct to request a second helping. In fact, this is a compliment to the cook! • Always pass the salt and pepper together even if only one was requested. Do not hand them to the person next to you; instead, each person should sit them down in front of the next person.

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Hors D’ Oeuvres •Inordertokeepyourhandscleanandreadyforshakingatsocialfunctions,holdyourbeverageandacleancocktailnapkininyourlefthandsothatyourrighthandiscleanandreadytoofferahandshake. •Neverplaceusedtoothpicksbackontheservingplatter.Placetheminsteadinoneofthesmallbowls,trays,orwastebasketsthatshouldbeplacedinseveralspotsaroundtheroom. •Ifyoucan’tfindatrayornoneisoffered,placethetoothpicksinyourpapercocktailnapkinandthrowitawayinthekitchenoreventhebathroomwastebasket. •Toavoidhothorsd’oeuvresfromsplashingyouwhenyoubiteintothem,allowthemtocoolpriortoeating..

Relishes •Relishtraysaren’tseenmuchthesedays.Ifyoudoencounterone,placetheitemsyoutakefromitonyourbutterplate.Ifyoudon’thaveabutterplate,usetheplateinfrontofyou. •Forolives,useyourforktotransferthepitfromyourmouthtothebutterplate.

Shrimp Cocktail •Shrimpcocktailisusuallyeatenwiththesmallseafoodforkfoundtothefarleftoftheforksorinthebowlofthespoononyourright. •Iflemonisserved,youmaypickitupwithyourforkandsqueezeitwithyourrighthandoverthecocktail. •Diptheshrimpintoanycocktailsauceandeatfromtheforkinoneortwobites. •Forlargershrimp,youmightneedtoplacethemonthesaucerunderthecocktailglassandcutthemwiththesideoftheforkorevenyourknife.

Soup •Alwaysspoonsoupawayfromyou.Asthespoontravelsbackacrossthebowlorplate,anydripswillhopefullylandbackinthebowlinsteadofonyourshirt. •It’sappropriatetotiltthebowlawayfromyoutoaidingettingthelastdrops! •Whensoupisservedinasoupplate,restyourspoonintheplatebetweenbitesandwhenfinished. •Whensoupisservedinacuporbowl,restyourspoononthesmallunderplate,notinthebowl. •Donotslurpyoursouporblowonit. •Addonlyoneortwocrackerstoyoursoupatatime.Donotaddawholepackageatonce! •Wheneatingsoupfromacup,youmaydrinkthesouponceyou’veeatenallthesolidpiecesofmeatsorvegetablesinthecup.

Breads, Rolls, and Pastries •Ifthebreadisnexttoyouatthetable,offersometothepersononyourleft,thentakeapieceyourself,andthenofferittothepersononyourright,whowillthenpassitaroundthetable. •Donotcutrolls.Instead,tearoffandbutterjustonebiteatatime.Donotbutteraheadforfuturebites!Ifyoudon’thaveaseparatebutterplate,simplyplaceyourbreadontheleftsideoftheplateinfrontofyou. •Ifcrumbsfallaroundyourplacesettingasyoutearthebread,it’sfinetocasuallypickthemupandplacethemonyourplate. •Tearyourbreadandbutteritonyourplate.Donotholdthebreadorbutteritinmidair.Biscuits,muffins,andtoastshouldbecutinhalfandbutteredallatonce. •ADanishshouldbecutinhalforevenquarters.Youmaytheneatitwithyourfingersor,ifit’ssticky,youmayuseyourfork. •Whenusingjamorjelly,spoonitfirstontoyourplateandthenontothebreadormuffin.

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Finger Bowls •Fingerbowlsseemtoperplexeventhemostseasonedtravelers,executives,andwell-heeleddiners.Notusedofteninthelast25ormoreyears,theyofferanexcellentwayforgueststorefreshandcleantheirhandsafterameal. •Traditionallypresentedinsmallcrystalbowlswithasinglefloatingflowerorsliceofcitrusasgarnish,theyarebroughttothetablejustpriortodessertonalacedoilyandplaceddirectlyinfrontofthediner. •Slightlydipthefingersofonehandintothewaterandthendrythemonyournapkin.Repeatwithyourotherhandandthenremoveboththedoilyandbowltogetherbyplacingthemaboveyourplateandslightlytotheleft.

Handling Dining Accidents Without Embarrassment •Ifyoudropapieceofsilverwareontheflooroftherestaurant,simplyasktheservertobringyouanother.There’snoneedtopickupthedroppedpieceunlesssomeonemighttripoverit. •Insomeone’shome,pickupthedroppedsilverwareandaskforareplacement. •Ifyournapkinfallsoffyourlapandyoufeeltheflooriscleanenough,simplypickitupandplaceitbackonyourlap. •Inarestaurant,immediatelytellthewaitstaffifaspilloccurstopreventothersfromslipping.Ifapieceoffooddrops,alertthestaffonlyifitposesasafetyhazard.

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•Atsomeone’shouse,alertthehostessimmediatelyofanyspillandoffertohelpcleanit.Ifapieceoffooddropsthatdoesn’tposeatrippingriskandwon’tstainthecarpet,justleaveituntilafterthemeal. •Ifcrumbsandsmallpiecesoffoodfallofftheplateandlandaroundyourplacesetting,feelfreetosubtlyplacethembackonyourplatetoavoiddrawingatten-tiontothemwhentheplateisremovedforthenextcoursetobeserved. •Ifyouspillsomethingonsomeoneelse,offeryourapologiesandsomenapkins,butlettheotherpersondoallthewiping.

“Excuse Me, Please!” •Diningmishapsareboundtohappen.Ifyouknowhowtobesthandlethembeforetheyoccur,youcanminimizeembarrassmentatthetime. •Ifsomeoneatthetableburps,heshouldsoftlysay,“Excuseme,please”tonooneinparticular.Nooneatthetableshouldcommentunlessit’stosay,“Ofcourse”ortosmileslightlyasiftosay,“Iunderstandyoudidn’tdoitonpurpose.” •Anybodilyfunctionotherthanaburpshouldbeconsideredanunmentionable.Nocommentbytheoffenderortheotherdinersneedstobemade.Ifyou’remorecomfortablesaying,“Pleaseexcuseme,”thennooneelseshouldsayanything. •Ifsomeoneneedstousethebathroom,heorsheshouldleavethetablequietlybysimplysaying,“Excuseme”tonooneinparticular.Theexceptionwouldbeatarestaurantwhenchildrenneedtoseekaparent’spermissionandhavesomeonegowiththemforsafety. •Youcanwipeyournoseatthetableifyouhappentohaveahandkerchiefortissuewithyou;neveruseyournapkin.Becauseoftherudesoundsnoseblowingmakes,itshouldbedoneawayfromthetable.Like-wise,ifyoufeelacoughingspellcomingon,leavethetableuntilitsubsides. •Forarandomcoughorsneeze,coveryourmouthwithatissue.Ifoneisnotavailable,useyournapkin,notyourhand.

Duties of a Gracious Host •It’sthedutyofeveryhosttopicktherestaurant.Don’tputyourguestsintotheawkwardpositionofnotknowingthelimitsofyourhospitalityoryourbankaccount.Yourinvitationcouldgosomethinglikethis,“Victoria,weknowthatyouandBobwillbecelebrat-ingyourfifthanniversarynextmonth.Tocelebrate,KentandIwouldlikeyoutobeourguestsfordinneratCaféFrance.”Youcanthendiscusswhichdatesandtimesworkbestforeveryone. •Makesureyou’reattherestaurantbeforeanyofyourguestssoyoucanwelcomethemastheyarrive. •Youmaywaitinthelobbyoratyourtable.Ifyouwaitatthetable,don’tplaceyournapkinonyourlapororderabeverage.Yourguestsshouldseeaperfectlysettablewhentheyarrive. •Whenitcomestimetoorder,talkaboutwhatyou’vepreviouslyeatenattherestaurantandwhatyou’rethinkingoforderingnow.Thisgivesyourguestagoodideaofthepricerangeoftheitemsheorsheshouldchoose. •It’salwaysbesttoofferyourguestsatleastthreecourses:salad,entrée,anddessert. •Allowyourgueststoorderbeforeyouandthen“match”yourchoicestotheirs.Ifatabusinessmealtheguestordersjustasalad,youshouldforgothesoup,entrée,anddessertandhaveonlyonecourseaswell. •Duringthemealyoubecomeinessencethe“headwaiter.”Offeryourguestsanotherbeveragewhenyouseetheglasseshalfempty,offermorebread,andaskifthefoodistotheirliking.Ingeneral,youwanttoanticipatetheneedsofyourguestsandlookaftertheircomfort. •Toavoidtheinevitablerefrainsof,“Pleaseallowmetobuyuslunchtoday”whenthebillisbroughttothetable,thesavvyhostprepaysforthemeal.Whenyouarriveattherestaurant,handyourcreditcardtothehostorserver.Instructhimorhertoaddatwentypercenttiptothebillandpresentonlythefinaltotalatthetable.Youthenonlyneedtosignthereceiptpriortoleaving.Evenbetteristoauthorizeyourcreditcardtobechargedasinthefirstexamplebutrequestthebillnotbebroughttothetableatall.Explaintoyourgueststhatyou’vealreadytakencareofpayment. •Then,afterwalkingyourgueststothedoor,youcanreturntothehostessstandandsignthecompletedreceipt.

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Duties of a Welcomed Guest •Complimentthehostonhisorherchoiceofres-taurants,or,ataprivatehome,thefoodserved.Ifthemealwascatered,youcancomplimentthehostonhischoiceoffoodorthelovelycenterpieces,etc. •Ifthehostdoesn’tsharewhatheorsheisordering,asknicelyandthenmatchyourfoodchoicestosome-thinginthesamepricerangeastheirs. •Sendahandwrittenthank-youthenextday,evenifthebusinessmealwasanattemptbythehosttoearnyouraccount. •Forallsocialinvitationsandanybusinessrelation-shipsyouwishtomaintainandgrow,makesuretoreciprocatetheinvitationwithinsixmonths.

Tips for Savvy Dining •Tryalittleofallthefoodofferedtoyou,unlessyouknowyou’reallergic. •Takesmallbitessoyoucanjoinintheconversationatanymoment. •Waituntilyou’veswallowedwhat’sinyourmouthbeforetakinganotherbiteoradrink. •Whendrinking,lookinto,notover,theglass. •Removebones,seeds,pits,gristle,andotheralienobjectswithyourthumbandfirstfingerandplacethemonthesideofyourdinnerplate.Ifavailable,it’snicetohidethemundertheparsleyorotherplategarnish. •Alwaystasteyourfoodpriortoaddingsaltandpepper. •Ketchupandsteaksauceareusedonlyatyourlocalburgerjoint.Atfinediningrestaurants,bothareconsideredaninsulttothequalityandflavorofthefoodpreparedbythechef. •Foreverymeal,thankyourhostorhostessandcomplimenthimorheronthefoodservedortherestaurantchosen. •Keeppurses,papers,andallotheritemsthatdon’tpertaintoeatingoffthetablewhilethemealisinprogress. •Ifapurseissmallyoumayplaceitonyourlapwithyournapkinoverit.Largerpursesshouldbesetonthefloordirectlyinfrontofyourfeet.Neverhangapursefromthebackofachair.

•Rememberyourtableposture:bothfeetflatonthefloor,handsinyourlapwhennotbeingusedforcuttingoreating.Situpstraightwithyourbackagainstthebackofthechair.Pushyourchairallthewayinleavingapproximatelythewidthofyourhandbetweenyouandthetable.(Sittingthiscloseaidsinkeepingfoodthatfallsoffyourforkfromfallingontoyourlap.) •Alwaysbringthefooduptoyourlipsratherthenbenddowntothefood.

Common Dining Errors to Avoid •Don’ttalkaboutdiets,restaurants,oranyfoodotherthanwhat’sbeingservedwhileatthetable. •Nevertakemedicine,useatoothpick,applymakeuporlipstick,lookintoamirror,ortouchyourheadorhairatthetable. •Don’tpushyourplateawaytosignalyou’refinishedeating.Simplylayyourknifeandforkwiththehandlesfacingfouro’clockinthe“finished”position. •Don’tgesturewithautensilinyourhand. •Don’tmixfoodonyourplatetogether. •Gentlemendonotlifttheirtiesovertheirshoul-derswhileeating. •Don’tdunkyourfoodintobeveragesinpublicoraddmorethanonebiteofcrackerstoyoursoupatatime! •Whiletheremightappeartobealotofdiningrulestoremember,theyreallyarestraightforwardandeasytomaster.Whenputintopractice,theseetiquetteskillsbecomeavehicletodeliverthevaluablecharactertraitsofkindness,deference,patience,andself-controlinoureverydayencounterswithoneanother.