SENG 2014 - GiftedIdentity · 2014-10-26 · Coping (healthy or not) The same traits of giftedness...

Helping Gifted Kids Cope with Anxiety and Depression: Tools for Parents

and Teachers

SENG 2014 Saturday

July19, 2014

©2014 Grace Malonai, Ph.D., LPCC

Grace Malonai, Ph.D., LPCC


Helping Gifted Kids Cope with Anxiety and Depression

Introduction Who am I? Psychotherapist in private practice Specialist in gifted development

and high sensitivity (works with children, teens, adults, couples, parents and families)

Adjunct Faculty at St. Mary’s College of California

Co-Founder of Gifted Identity Certified SENG Model Parent Group

facilitator Parent of a gifted child You?

Agenda Importance of anxiety, mood disorders (depression) and

gifted traits Specific needs of the gifted population Gifted Identity Project results The problem

Tools Scaffolding Modeling Awareness and Mindfulness Relaxation exercise

Summary Discussion and Questions



Anxiety Gifted children… may worry to excess (relates with differences in level of

awareness; for example a very young gifted child might be overly aware of potential mishaps or hazards)

can be perfect perfectionists (impacts anxiety) are sometimes vulnerable to stressors that don’t often

impact same-age typically developing children (such as global or environmental issues, their impact on other people or the world, meaning of life, finding their place and reason for existence)

might be more reactive than many typical children (seemingly small worries can feel huge)

can be incredibly intense and/or highly sensitive, which can contribute to anxiety

©2014 Grace Malonai,Ph.D.,LPCC


Depression Gifted children… may suffer from existential depression– this is not common in

typically developing children may have a higher risk of suicide are sometimes vulnerable to stressors that don’t impact

typical children, such as world politics, differences in values and morals between various populations, global change and limitations, space travel, etc.)

tend to be more reactive than many typical children can be incredibly intense and/or highly sensitive

©2014 G. Malonai


Reference: Webb, J., Gore, J, Amend, E, & DeVries, A (2007). A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children. Great Potential Press: AZ

©Copyright 2014 Malonai and Duncan

Diagnosis in the Family

0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60%

No/NoneDepression

AnxietyADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder)

BipolarOCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)

DyslexiaSensory Processing Disorder

Asperger'sDysgraphia

ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Children (n=365) Parents (n=365)

Q11 and Q29: Shown Side-by-Side: Have You or Your Children, Ever Been Diagnosed or Misdiagnosed

With Any of the Following?



Gifted Traits and Excitabilities

0% 20% 40% 60% 80%

Rapid speech - 0No/None

Compulsive organizingPreference for fast action and sports

DepressionImaginary friendsMagical thinking

Nervous habits and ticsVivid dreams

LonelinessTimidity and shyness

Detailed visualizationCompulsive talkingImpulsive behavior

Feelings of guilt/sense of responsibilityPhysical response to emotions

SleeplessnessDaydreaming

Participant (n=371) Other Members of the Household (n=380)



0% 20% 40% 60% 80% 100%

Problems adjusting to changeFeelings of inadequacy and inferiority

CompetitivenessLove of poetry, music and drama

Intolerance of hypocrisyAnxiety

Theoretical thinkingExtremes of emotionLong concentration

Concern for othersSensitive to smells, tastes, or textures

Heightened sense of injusticeLove of problem solving

Asking of probing questionsGood sense of humor

Avid readingIndependent thinking

Deep curiosityAnalytical thinking

Love of knowledge and learning

Participant (n=371) Other Members of the Household (n=380)



Coping (healthy or not) The same traits of giftedness that are uniquely wonderful

may also contribute to anxiety and depression Anxiety and depression can be overwhelming Children aren’t born knowing how to cope, but gifted

children often work hard to cope — in order to accommodate their particular challenges, such as over-excitabilities.

They might use negative coping skills– such as acting out, developing fears and hesitation (which can be protective), phobias and perseverations, tantrums, depression, or depressive irritability and moodiness.



Turn the challenges into strengths Negative coping behaviors might offer quick fixes to

immediate overload of uncomfortable feelings (such as intense anxiety)

Even though negative coping can be ineffective or troubling in the long run, using negative coping skills might be the best they can do (without support)

Gifted kids are usually fast learners and can improve the way they manage anxiety, depression, uncomfortable feelings and/or overexcitabilities

When they are supported and managed positively, challenges can be come strengths



Overview of the Problem We want our children to thrive even when facing anxiety

and depression; They want that too Gifted Children are often aware of anxiety and

depression issues, but don’t necessarily understand them, know how to identify the problem, or know what to do —they just feel different or bad; They might believe that something is wrong with them

Maladaptive ways of thinking or coping (behaviors) can interfere happiness, self-esteem and social development, and can promote anxiety and depression

Parents and teachers can help children develop positive coping skills to manage anxiety or depression



Today’s Three Concepts Scaffolding: Provide appropriate support Modeling: Whether you realize it or not

Awareness: Mindfulness, Support, and Practice



Concept #1: Scaffolding



Concept #1: Scaffolding Scaffolding doesn’t take over a building, nor become

the building, and when it isn’t needed, it is taken down. Scaffolding can enhance learning Scaffolding promotes improved self-esteem and self-

efficacy, which can have the long-term impact on reducing anxiety and depressive symptoms

Scaffolding helps to address asynchrony 3 Parts:

Holding on Letting go Sticking around



Reference: Kegan, R. (1998) In Over Our Heads. Harvard University Press: MA.

Part 1 of Scaffolding: Holding On = Acceptance

Acceptance for who they are As they notice and feel your acceptance, it is easier to

accept themselves Asynchronous development: use voice and tone for the

youngest emotional age presented, while your vocabulary meets them intellectually

I’m happy to see you!



Support for who they are Help them discover their own traits, and to help build their

own concept of who they are Don’t assume gifted children already know their strengths,

skills, and especially their efforts, just because they are gifted (Gifted children often assume that everyone can do or think as they can)

Promote self-understanding in more than one venue—for example, do projects that reflect their particular characteristics (such as making a collage or gardening—exactly what doesn’t matter as long as the focus reflects their characteristics)

Say out loud! (This is part of who you are)

Part 1 of Scaffolding: Holding On = Support



Help them discover their strengths, skills and efforts Point out strengths and skills as soon as you see them: “I

notice how long you have been reading—that is a wonderful strength”

Acknowledge and celebrate their efforts: “You really put a lot of effort into practicing the violin”

Part 1 of Scaffolding: Holding On = Acknowledge



Part 2 of Scaffolding: Letting Go = Stretch

Challenges them to go further (beyond roadblocks or stagnicity)

Stretches their strengths and skills Points out ways to improve Holds a vision of possibility and transformation



Letting Go is especially helpful for gifted kids because many tasks are easy for them, and they can quickly spiral

downward emotionally if they get stuck with tasks that are challenging, particularly emotional tasks

When challenging gifted kids to “go further,” help them see beyond the plateau they may have reached

Help them visualize the next step in their project or emotional challenge Emotional challenge example: “You breathed through the

worst of it. The feelings are like waves; you’ve gotten through the bigger set, and now there are more, but they will be more manageable because you know you can get through them. I can see you starting to relax. Keep breathing, you can do it.”

Part 2 of Scaffolding: Letting Go = Visualize



Letting Go also means pointing out ways to grow and improve, and hold that vision of possible improvement for them

Example: Tell them how you see the colors, the grey, the light and the dark (even if they only see the dark)

This Letting Go holds out a vision of possibility and transformation.

By the way, for hands-on learners, use other media, such as paper and markers.

Part 2 of Scaffolding: Letting Go = Grow



Part 3 of Scaffolding: Sticking Around

Provide a safe place to try out new possibilities without fear of loss or failure

Allow for changes in light of new abilities and adjusted needs

Sticking Around helps new growth to be more permanent and continuous



Concept #2: Modeling Capitalize on the fact that

you are a model of appropriate behavior

Gifted kids often easily learn vicariously through observing you

Works great for kids who are resistant

Research supports its efficacy

Requirement: practice your own self-awareness



Components of Modeling Behavior

Purposefully create a positive model of behavior

Set the stage for success Practice!



Purposefully Create a Model for Positive Behavior Seek an opportunity to demonstrate a positive way to

respond to a situation that would likely trigger a maladaptive response in your child, if that same thing happened to her or him

Address the resolution or solution, but also speak to the underlying problems or concerns

Talk it through out-loud, as if talking to yourself– maybe even under your breath, which could make it more powerful

Be authentic, yet remain appropriate. This is a real life situation (Gifted kids especially will see right through a dramatization)

Use feeling words, self-calming, “I” statements, and be sure to create a positive plan.



Purposefully Create a Model for Positive Behavior

Identify a trigger Talk it through Model your internal dialogue

by saying it out loud. Use a feeling word Be realistic and authentic Model a skill



Modeling: Prepare ahead of time to set the Stage for Success Identify an opportunity to

demonstrate a positive way to respond to a potentially uncomfortable situation

Prepare with a positive attitude Discuss ahead of time so there aren’t

any surprises (get agreement ahead of time, if possible)

Put a positive spin on it



Modeling: Practice! Use a feeling word Refer to yourself (you are the model) Rehearse, and say it out loud Be authentic Model a skill



Concept #3: Awareness and Mindfulness

What is awareness? Mindfulness is a skill that can be learned

by even very young children Mindful-awareness takes practice Mindfulness helps you to be more

aware of a complete spectrum of what is going on emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically with yourself

It is more than just paying attention, it is a type of opening, like a flower blooming (opening in awareness)



Tools For Increased Mindfulness and Awareness We’ll focus on:

Getting the big picture (greater perspective) Becoming aware of triggers (prevention) A few tools I use in my practice that are easy to implement Taking on a new view using a different lens What is going on right now Using what you already have Paying attention to success Importance of breathing A brief exercise



Awareness and Mindfulness: See the Big Picture Take on a new perspective– zoom out for

the big picture Counter hyper-focusing (if needed) and

promote seeing things through multiple perspectives

Change perspective in situations when it is not easy or natural (build mental muscle)



Be Aware of Triggers

Trigger identification Study the trigger Get a new perspective



Tools to Help Set the Stage for Greater Awareness

Stop and Think STAR(r) – Stop Think Act Review (repeat if

needed)



A Different View Reframe (and Frame again) Shift awareness to a new perspective



Awareness and Mindfulness: Talk About Right Now

Talk about feelings Choose a consistent time to talk Name feelings out loud



Awareness and Mindfulness: Use Tools That You Already Have

Use tools such as sticky notes for mindfulness in the classroom or at home

Give a student a sticky note to acknowledge a need

Let a student place a sticky note on his or her desk to express a need



Awareness and Mindfulness: Pay Attention to Success

Recognize positive feelings Do something fun Point out simple pleasures



Open Awareness

Teach children to be mindfully aware Teach them to discover and take care of

their needs through increasing self-awareness.

Mindful-awareness exercise



Awareness and Mindfulness: Breath Naturally

Keep breathing naturally Bubble breathing and belly movement




Summary Importance of looking at depression and anxiety in the

gifted population Needs of gifted children in light of their gifted traits Scaffolding: Provide appropriate support Modeling: Whether you realize it or not Awareness: Triggers and Tools



Grace Malonai, Ph.D., LPCC (LPCC 252) Address: 2940 Camino Diablo, Suite 150, Walnut Creek, CA 94597 Phone: 925-954-6229 Fax: 925-269-8052 Email: [email protected] Website: www.TheraThrive.com

Gifted Identity™ Project Email: [email protected] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GiftedIdentityProject Website: www.GiftedIdentity.com

Discussion | Examples | Questions

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I’d love to hear from you!

SENG 2014 - GiftedIdentity · 2014-10-26 · Coping (healthy or not) The same traits of giftedness...

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Transcript of SENG 2014 - GiftedIdentity · 2014-10-26 · Coping (healthy or not) The same traits of giftedness...