Selection From Daniel Paul Schrebers Memoirs_Redacted

8/12/2019 Selection From Daniel Paul Schrebers Memoirs_Redacted

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Transfer to Sonnensen

Changes in the conac

with rays Te wrng

down-sysem"; IITyng_

to-celesal boies"

ONE F DA Y aftr a oal sta of 14 das was akn

from Dr Pirsons Asum th Dvils Ktchn to his

Counr Aslum Sonnnsin nar PirnaI lar larnt tha it

was on th 29th of Jun 19 1 do not know h rasons for m

transfr; a h tim flt 1 had to connct it with th rmn-

dous incrasd influnc of vn Ws soul durin th as das

of m sa in th Dvils Kitchn which had to b countr

balancd in som wa. had a warm bah bfor lfth

onl on in Dr Pirsons Aslum thn travld b cab as on

m wa hr} accompanid b th Count Court andant

o Coswi Staion; havn drunk a cup of coff thr I rav

ld b rain via Drsdn o Pirna wthout lavn th carria

h human forms saw durin th journ and on th pat-

form in Drsdn took o b linimprovisdmn pro-

ducd b miracl; I dd not pa an particular atnion o

hm bcaus vn thn I was tird of all miracls was

srnthnd n m attitud b wha th voics said; Fchsis

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M M R S

ou ue an exreon ha nene of foe re-

en hrouh whch we were uoe o hae raee From

Prna Saon I raele n a cab on a raher bum roa u o

h Aum. More han a ear elae before I realze ha I

ha been brouh o Prna an o Sonnenen when on one of

he er few occaon I ha acce o he Mueum com-monroom of he Alum I aw cure of earler Kn of

Saxon on he wal When I r arre he oce cale he

lace he el Cae I ll occu he ame room wa

en hennumber 28 on he r floor of he lbe wn wh

an aonn beroom A few me emorarl ha a fferen

lnroom becaue of ome aleraon an ecoraon; he

beroom ene for me howeera wll menon aan

aer no ue for abou wo ear bu le n ae

cel arcularl number 97 of he roun wn on he ounfoor In conra o he farl eleanl furnhe Alum of

r. Peron he room ruck me a raher oor a r I alo

wh o menon ha for abou a ear I no hae he ew

from m wnow whch now offer elf freel o me oer he

whole Elbe Valle here were ome ene chenu ree

nce fele whch a he me obruce he ew amo

comleel o ha een b lookn ou of he wnow I coul

no learn anhn of wha wen on n he oue worl

I can e he me of m a a Sonnenen no wo

ero of whch he r on he whole ll reane ha er

ou ho an omeme aweome qua whch characere

m lfe n he laer ar of m a n Fech Aum an

58. /Amgt he fl [Eglh the ga] wa Fehg' ' ave

epe "amg the fleetgmpveme" flwg t tee

we efeg t peatual matte t eplae he a laguage me

meg a theee almt icu em Tu al ke t

peak f a "ppe f lgttelegaph t cate the muual atact a

a eve

r

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e oeen

n r Peron Aum n conrancon he econ ero

mere rauall more an more no ornar no o a ul-

ar channel he r ero lae abou a ear; he econ

ero connue moe of lae onl b becomn le u

ar n ome reec n he r ero he mracle were ll

errfn an hreaenn n her bo an menal effec oha for a lon me I wa mo eroul concerne for m lfe

m manlne an aer m reaon; n he econ erona-

ural er rauall an no whou ome e backhe

mracle became ncreanl harmle no o a enele

an chh ahouh o ome exen l reunan

In he r ero wa l connce ha wa ealn

no wh real human ben bu eenmroemen

l canno ee ha h wa an error on m ar; from wha

I exerence a he me an ll exerence al I muraher leae oen he obl ha wa rh; n oher

wor he ocalle lawhhumanben ha onl au

al chane o ha ae n whch nw egaded om out-

side, woul aear ha mankn ha no chane In orer

o make h ea whch har o uneran an no een

comeel clear o me omewha comrehenble mu

r e an accoun of he conon of m exernal enron-

men urn he r ear of m a n h Alum Of he

ocor of he Alum I o o know he Suernenen of he

Alum r Weber an h aan r R., a r on n

eron an no b name on he er r a urn a hca

examnaon n he bahroom on he roun floor when a

ehocoe wa ue; I on earn her name b chance a

he en of a ear or more I hae nce recee al

from hee enlemen; aar from hem onl occaonall

w he enor aenan R an a few aenan M h

59F th ea I kept amt tal ece

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E I S

an Sch who has sinc lft M. was th attnant particularl

char with m car

Othr patints i not sm to xist in th Asum at th

tim; at last on th corrior which inhabit whr thr

wr nin rooms I i not notic an; onl aftr som tim

ha laps i I notic on patint arss as PrincJ . sk an a scon as Mr B. th lattr particuarl

throuh his plain th violin vn urin m ail walks in

th arn of th Aslum with two or thr attnants th

abovmntion was always alone urin th rst months;

at that tim thr was nothin to b sn of th lar numbr

of othr patints of whom I now s up to 0 an 100 with m

in th arn h voics call th attnants rascals com-

par footnot 56 must assum that th ha th proprtis

of fltinimprovismn an thrfor wr rall sousbcaus th kpt up nrvcontact with m in which fr

untl har from thm xprssions blonin to th basic

lanua I har phrass particularl from th attnant Sch

which in th basic lanua srv to xprss astonishmnt

Goo Havns an Hail an hunrnot alou but in

th nrvlanua whil h prsonal was in anothr room

At tims M an Sch. unloa into m bo a part of thir

bois in th form of a fou mass in orr to rmov thm

slvs; M rpatl plac himsf into m arm as a so

call lar nrv a lllik mass about th si of a

chrr throuh which in a crtain sns h participat in m

thinkin an m snsations lik th othr ras or nrvs h

rascals in thir capacit as souls wr sai to hav th ift

of miracls; at crtain spcial vnts thr was tak of rascals

miracls throuh which ths wr sai to hav com about.

M wif visit m at Sonnnstin at onish intrvals

probabl of a fw months I was ptri whn I saw hr th

rst tim ntrin m room on such a visit; I ha lon bliv

sh was no mor amon th ivin his bif was bas on

r "

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anse Snne nse n

vr nit vincas also in th cas of othr human b-

insso that m wifs rapparanc rmains an unsov ri

l to this a rpatl ha th nrvs blonin to m

wifs soul in m bo or flt thm approachin m bo from

outsihr aain th crtaint of m mmor lavs no

room for oubt about th obctiv rait of th vnt hssoul parts wr ll with th vot ov which m wif

has alwas shown m; th wr th onl souls who show

willinnss to rnounc thir own furthr xistnc an n

thir n in m bo xprssin it in th basic lanua as

lt m

Whn m wif visit m in prson at Sonnnstin I bliv

for a lon tim that sh was onl fltinimprovis for

th occasion; an that sh woul thrfor issolv prhaps

vn on th stairs or rctl aftr lavin th Aslum. It wassai that hr nrvs woul b ncapsulat aain aftr vr

visit. On on of hr visitsprobab on m birtha in 19

m wif brouht m a pom which rprouc hr wor for

wor bcaus it ma such a p imprssion on m at th

tim. t wnt as follows

r tru pac can mbrac ou

Gos still an silnt pac

h pac lif nvr ivth

Nor worl os bnath

t ns Gos arm must strik

A blow an woun ou p

So that ou cr Hav mrc

o hav mrc on m as;

60 Th po cou b , gammaca comp h foowg

wo: "L mou a a g o p m backo m foow

pow of aco of m huba' ve 1 am ppa o ov m hu-

ba bo"

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M

nd a cr m rn

Rn from or ol

And darkn b wihn o

A or h world' r da.

I nd ha crhin an

M wholl vanih oAnd no a lon ar b lf

n or oor wrchd ol

And whn o'v don wih win

And war ar o war

Thn com o o a aihf

od ll and iln ac.

Thi om b an nknown ahor mad ch a inar

imron on m bca h hra "od ac" which r-

cr n i the expresion used in he asc laguage fo sleep

poduced y ays which hard innmrabl m bor and

inc A h im I cold hardl blv ha hi wa mr co

ncdnc

Drn h r wk o m a a Sonnnin n arl

Jl 19) crain chan occrrd boh in m onandin

nrv commnicaion wih ra and clol rad wh i in

h havnl condion; h m o hav bn of fnda-

mna imoranc for h whol rod of m which ha

nc ad Aain i xrml dificl o dcrib hchan in word bca mar ar dal wh which lack all

analo n hman xrinc and which I arcad di-

rcl on n ar wh m mind n ar onl b hir

61. I use ere e expresson "seeng e mnds eye I used before

{Caper 8, p 109 beause I anno nd a more suable one n our uman an

guage We are sed o kng al mpressons e reeve from e oe old are

medaed og e Rve seses, parulary a all lg and sound sensaos

are medaed roug eye and ear s may be orre n norma rumsaes

120L

fe e

ffc o ha I ma hav formd b an aroxma cr

In h rvio char i wa rlad ha h nmbr of

"d" ol and ol ar rn n h k had ncrad

markdl hroh oldiviion Amon h o Flch'

whch had for a im raind a far roorion of hman n

llinc in vir of h z o i wo man form (a "-rior Flchi" and a "middl Flchi") wa l rominn

in h cor of ar howvr rorivl o nlli

nc o ha now hardl a rac o awarn of own idn-

i rman. For m ar wa alwa d b h dr o

draw h o and o ar o mlf and o lmal

o ca hr dolion I ard rom h rfcl ond

oiion ha whn all "d" or mr ol had bn

mnad rom hir oion of ocald mddl nanc

bwn mf and od' omnionc a olion o h

conlc in cononanc wh h Ordr of h World wod fol-

ow aomaicall ihr a cr b a com calmin o

m nrv hroh l ora obl I lar conidrd

nmannin n cononanc wh h Ordr of h World wih

h o of crain nw hman bin Th "d"

o howvr wr od onl b h oo ndavor

naml o ar hmlv in hr rd havn oi-

ion whch av hm h if of miracl whnvr h cam

clor h rid o wihdraw aain b hin ohr ol or

o ar in rn ino h orrondOn nihrha h orh or fh afr m arrival a

Hoeve n e ase o a uman beng o lke myself as enered o oa

rays ad ose ead s n onseuene so o speak lumnaed by rays s

s o a. I reeve lg ad sound sensaos ae projeed dre on o myinnerervous sysem by e rays for er reepon e exernal organs of seengand earng are o neessay I see s evens even eyes losed and ere

soud s oere ould ear em as n e ase of e "voes, even f ere

possble o seal my ears emealy agans all oer sounds

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I

onnnstinI succdd with immens menta effort in tem

porari dawin down to msf a mpur (testd sous; it

wod on have euird a thoouh covrin with ras for

m recov throuh on nvereston seep and wth t th

disapparance of the impur sous Unfortnate one coud

not decide to adopt this cours for th rason mentioned prvious In conseuence Fechsis sou took spcia masrs to

excd th rcurrnce of sch a daner to its xstnc and to

that of oth mpur sos It rsortd to mechanica faening

as an pdient; a techniu of which I was on ab to et a

rouh ida his mechanica fastenin rst occurrd in a ooser

form cad tntoras, whee the word ras sems to

have been usd in a spcia sns which I did not fu undr

stand can on describ th pictu I saw with m minds

ee Accordin to this th sous hun on a kind of bund ofrods ike th fascs of th Roman Lictors, but in such a man

nr that the rods sprad ot bow ike a cone, whi th

nrvs of the sous w tid fast around th upper points

When this oosr form of fastenin smd not to afford suff

cint defens aanst m powr of attraction and th danr of

dssovin in m bod a mor rsstant fom was chosn

whch was cad tintocestiabodis As th expres

sion dnotes a tin to som distant stars occurrd whch

fom thn on excuded th possibiit of a compet dissou

tion in m bod n conseunce of m powr of attraction; onth contra wthdawa was safeuarded throuh th mechan

ica fastnin so stabished Whn the midde Fechsi usd

this form of fastnn for the st tim it was fet n ods

reams that behavior so contra to the Ord of th Word

coud not b toratd he mdd chs was thrfor

forced to unte hmsf aan ut whn the expriment was

atr rpeatd thr was no oner sufficint ene fo such

measrs th tin was prmttd n whch not on a other

chs sou parts particpated bt aso th sous in thir

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Tase Sne st ei

tain, partcar that of v W and na ods omnipotnce

tsf In this wa tintocestiabodies bcame a pema

nnt institution contnuin to the prsnt da and d to fur

the conseuences particua the witindownsstm,

now to be dscribd I eaie that such a conception, accordin

to which on must think of m bod on ou arth as connctdto oth stars b stetched out nrves is amost incompehen

sibe to other pope considerin the immense distances in

vovd; fo m howvr as a rsut of m dai experiencs ovr

the ast six as ther can b no dobt as to th obctive ea

it of ths ration

he mentioned witindownsstem is extaordinar dif

cut to epain to oth pop vn vau hat it xsts is

overwhmin provd to me da aft da; t t bons

even for me to th ream of the unfathomab because th ob

ective it pusues must be reconied b a who know hman

natu as somethin in itsf unattainab t s obvious a

stopap masur and it is difficut to dcid whether it ases

from a wron that is contra to the Order of the Word intnt

or from faut rasonin

Book o ohe noe ae kept in which for as hav ben

writtendown a m thouhts a m phrass a m ncs

saris, a the artcs n m possssion or around me, a

persons with whom I come into contact etc I cannot sa

with cetaint who dos the wrtin down As I cannot ima

ine ods omnipotnc acks a nteience, I pesum that

the writindown is done b ceatures iven human shape

on distant cestia bodies aftr th mannr of the fetin

impovisdmn, bt ackin a nteience; their hands are

ed automatca, as it wr, b passin ras for th pupos of

makin thm witdown so that ater ras can aain ook at

what has ben writtn

o iuminat the purpose of ths who sstem I must en

ar futhe A th attacks mad ovr th ars, on m f,

,

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O I

m bodi itit, m mal ad m ao, w ad

til a bad o th am ida: to withdaw aai a fa a

poib fom th pow of attactio of m ovxcitd

v, which fa upa athi that ha v xitd b

fo o that d o at t coidd m unmanning, appa

tl i coitio of th fudamta tdc of th Odof th Wod Chapt hi wa ot umai aimd

at wi maid i cooac with Wod Od, but

ol a itdd iult, fo i a pcuia wa it wa imaid,

o phap wihfull thouht, that a umad bod would

lo it pow of attactio fo th a Ya aft m aiva

at oti, th ida of umai till appad, if I ma

o xp mlf, i th mid of th oul mall pat of

Flchi oul which w ditat, ad thfo ot i co-

tact with m v fo uit om tim, ud patdl to

xclaim a if atohd h ot umad t? od a

futl mocd m about a uppodl immit uma-

i a Mi chb i Elih i th oiial] a xp-

io ud futl ad patd ad ausea m wa You a

to b represeted a iv to voluptuou xc tc I m

lf flt th da of umai fo a lo tim a a that-

i iom, pcial whil th wa th poibilit of m

bod bi xuall abud b oth popl

Fo ov a a thfo th fma v, o v of

vouptuou, which had ptatd m bod i at ma,

62. Th ti "rprtigU ht i t f givg t thig r pr

emblc ifer fm it rl ture (xpr i hm tm "f fli

ig" pl t p t le gell i he f l I th vi

t w iml tim lr cci Yu b rprt

cffr r mb wh h cmmite ul murr (cmpr bv

Chpter 2, p. 34 c hk h relt t hvig rue l uwr

imprei th vig hum ig t r which h cm i rve-

ctct with hum big hvig evr "ight" (wil f onl a

sngle (mmr) imprei O i thi w cI

cmprh th tl

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124 .

fr to S i .

could ot ai a ifluc o m bhavio o o m wa of

thii I uppd v fmii impul b xti m

of mal hoo ad alo b th holi of m liiou

ida, which occupid m almot xcluivl dd I all

bcam awa of th pc of fmal v ol wh th

w aticiall t i vbatio b a o ctai occaio oa to poduc a atio of tmidit ad to pt m

a a huma bi tmbli with fmii axit O th

oth had m wll pow could ot pvt th occuc,

paticulal wh li i bd, of a atio of voluptuou-

whch a ocald oulvoluptuou xtd a i-

cad pow of attactio o th a thi xpio ud b

th oul mat a voluptuou uffict fo oul but fl

b huma bi ol a al bodil wllbi without al

xual xcitmt Compa Chapt 7 towad th d

With thi phomo bcomi icai maift i

th cou of tim, od miht hav bcom awa that u-

ma wa ot a wa of "fsakig m, that i of fi

Himlf aai fom th pow of attactio of m v Fom

thi th ida ao to tai m o th maculi id, but

aai ud baicall fal ptot i od to to

m halth, but to dto m ao o to ma m dmd

Aai o pad o atttio to th fact that th v, v of

a dmtd huma bi, would i a tat of hihl pathooi

cal xcitmt tai thi pow of attactiopovidd, of

ibilit turt livig m rgim f which I wil lter brg mr

rkg prf Oe m herfre hve tre t perue li th cmi

i which G' mipce f l hrugh th xtece lchig'

"tete" lth f bie impreonf hum beg ifrt fm

hi rl u w th l b pbl treat him ccrig thi m

pe h whl hg mt thr cpt qe l i

pctc ; r hm bg tr h lw i h cl bhvir, pric

ulr i he (hm) lguge, he m tblhig h re ur gi

ee "prtg"

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E I S

cuse, that they wee still genealy capable sensatin as

pan, uptuusness hunge cd, etc. Incessantly theee,

day ate day and hu ate hu, pisn cpses and the

putd matte which the ays caied was heaped upn my

bdy, in the beie that it wuld be pssibe in this way t su

cate me eentually and in paticula t b me my easn.n the net chapte I wl elate what tempay damage was

thus wught n my bdy n a mst theatening manne.

I hae easn t assume that the psn cpses the

putid matte was taken m the same celestial bdies t

which the ays had been tied, and whee they wee packed as t

wee wth it saked it up in passing. Sme the ays had

been gen the shape miacled bids abut which shall

hae me t say late t became appaent that the tested sus

which wee stll in heaen and what had emained the estwhile ecuts heaen, which ne had kept in esee in

de t be able t take euge behind them had in the cuse

time ttally lst the ntelligence, that s t say they had n

thuts thei wn let On the the hand it seems t lie in

the natue ays that they must speak as sn as they ae n

mtin; the eleant law was epessed n the phase d nt

get that ays must speak, and this was spken nt my

nees innumeable times patcualy eay n. But in act

yeas lackng thei wn thughts, they hae spken nthng

but thei wn miacles asely attbuting ea them t my

nees ( instance, nly my nges wee nt paalyzed,

nly miacles wud nt aect my kneecap uthe

eeything I was abut t d was cused ( instance, I nly

the cused pianplaying wuld cease as sn as I sit dwn at

the pan een I nly the cused cleaning nails wuld

cease, as sn as I stat cleanng my nais) Oe and abe this

ne has the bundess impudenceI can use n the epes

sint demand that I shuld epess this alsied nnsense

in spken wds as i it wee my wn thughts, in ths ashin

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Tr to oee

I nly the cused pianplaying wuld cease was llwed by

the questin Why dnt yu say it alud ? and this again was

llwed by the alsied answe Because I am stupid pehaps,

again Because I am ightened M M. (cmpae tnte

26, Chapte 5). Natually thee ae nw als pauses in whch

thee is nthng t ept miacles diected aganst my pesn,n any denite thught eslutin t undetake ths

that ccupatin which the ays, being able to ead my houhs,

can ecgnize; in the wds, when indulge in thinking

nthing paticulaly at night when seep in daytime when

I tempaily est walk abut in the gaden wthut thinking,

etc. he witingdwnmateial, mainly my peius thughts

besides a ew cnstantly ecuing addtins me less

senseless and patly ensie phases ulga tems abuse,

etc., sees t ll in these pauses that is t say t gie the ayssmething t talk abut een duing these pauses. will pe

haps append an anthlgy these phases t the pesent essay

in de t gie the eade at east sme inkling the nn

sense my nees hae yeas had t put up with.

he ensie phases and abusie wds see the paticula

pupse inciting me t talk alud and s t make sleep m

pssible at the ppe times the whle plicy suls cu

minates in the peentin sleep and suluptuusness;

but the aim the whle picy emains ttally bscue. The

witingdwn als sees as anthe peculia tick whch again

is based n a ttal misundestandng human thinking. t

was belieed that my ste thughts culd be ehausted by

beng wittendwn, s that eentually the time wuld cme

when new ideas culd n lnge appea in me this cuse is

quite absud because human thinkng is inehaustible

instance eading a bk a newspape always stimulates

new thughts. his was the tick as sn as an idea I had

had bee and which was (aleady wttendwn ecued

such a ecuence is cuse quite unaidable in the case

.

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S

40

1 1

Body negrty damagd

by miaces

F R O M T H E F I R 5 beginnings o my contact with G od up

to the pesent day my body has continuously been the object o

diine miacles. I wanted to descibe all these miacles in de

tai could ll a whoe book with them alone may say that

hadly a single limb o ogan in my body escaped beng tem

poaily damaged by miacles, no a single muscle being plled

by miaces, eithe moing o paalyzing it accoding to the e

spectie pupose. en now the miacles which expeience

houly ae still o a natue as to ighten eey othe human be

ing to death; only by getting used to them though the yeas

hae been abe to dsegad most o what happens as tiiai

ties. But in the st yea o my stay at Sonnenstein the ma

cles wee o such a theatening natue that thought had to

ea amost incessantly o my lie, my health o my eason

n itsel a state o aais must be consideed contay to the

Ode o the Wold in which the ays see mainly to inlict

damage on the body o a single human being o to play ticks

with the obects with which he is occupiedsch hamess

miacles hae become paticlay eqent lattely. o ays

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E I S

hae the task of ceating not ust of destoying o playing

chldish panks ence all miacles diected against me fal in

he ong run in thei pupose what has been destoyed o dam-

aged by impue ays must always ate be built up o mended

again by pue ays compae aboe Chapte 7 footnote 48. But

this does not exclude that emporriy most seious damage iscaused and ey painfu conditions aise giing the impession

of exteme dange.

Most neay in consonance wth the Ode of the Wod wee

those miacles which wee somehow connected with a pocess

of unmannng to be caied out on my body. To them belonged

especially the aious changes in my sex orgn: seeal times

paticulaly n bed) thee wee maked indications of an actual

etaction of the male ogan fequently howee, paticulay

when mainly impue ays wee inoled, of a softening ap-poaching amost complete dissoution futhe the emoal by

miacles of single hirs fom my berd and paticulaly my

mushe; naly a hnge in my whoe sure diminuton of

body siepobaby due to a contaction of the etebae and

possibly of my thigh bones The lastmentioned miacle whch

emanated fom the owe God Aman, was always accompa-

ned by him with the announcement I wonde whethe to

make yo somewhat smalle"; I mysel had the impession

that my body had become smalle by about 68 cms, that s to

say appoximating the se of the female body

he miacles enacted against the ogans of the thoacic and

abdominal caities wee ey mutifaious. know least about

those concening the her; I only emembe that I once had a

diffeent heatstil duing my stay in the Uniesity Clinic

68 Th, a dd h whol rpor aot th mracl actd o my ody, wil

arally od xtrmy tag to a othr huma g ad o may i-

cd to it oJy th product of a pathologically vivd magiaio I rpy I

ca oly gv th aurac hat hardly ay mmoy from my f mo crtai

142

Bl ngty amagd

of Leipig. On the othe hand my ungs wee fo a long time

the object of iolent and ey theatening attacks. By natue

my lungs and chest ae ey healthy but my lungs wee so af-

fected by macles that fo a time I seiously beieed I had to

fea a fata outcome n consequence of pulmonay phthisis.

A "lung wom was fequenty poduced in me by maces Icannot say whethe it was an animalike being o a soulike

ceatue; I can only say that ts appeaance was connected with

a bting pan in the lungs smila to the pans magine occu

in inflammation of the lungs. The lobes of my lungs wee at

tmes almost completely absobed, I cannot say whethe as the

esult of the actity of the lung wom alone o also because of

miacles of a diffeent kind I had the denite feeling that my

diaphagm was aised high n my chest to almost diectly un-

de my laynx and that thee emained only a small emnant oflung n between with which cold hady beathe Thee wee

days when duing my walks in the gaden I had to econque

my lungs anew wth eey beath. o the pat which is so

miaculous s that the ays cannot but funish a suffeing body

with whatee s most essential fo its peseation, because to

ceate is thei essence and natue

At about the same time some of my ribs wee sometimes

tempoay smashed always with the esult that what had been

destoyed was efomed afte a time One of the most hoify-

ing miaces was the socalled ompressionof-hehesmir1e,

which I endued at least seeal doen times; it consisted in

the whole chest wal being compessed, so that the state of op-

pession caused by the lack of beath was tansmitted to my

tha th mracl rcotd thi chapt What ca mor dit for a hu-

ma ig tha what h ha lvd hrogh ad f o h ow ody? Small m-

tak amg h oga volvd may hav occurd a my aatomcal

kowdg atraly oly hat of a laymaj t grally I thi hav achvd

accacy v i that

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M M R S

wh bdy Th cpssinfthchstic cud

svl tis in lt ys; but ik th th ics d

scibd h it blngs inly t th scnd hf f th y

1894 nd phps th st hf f th y 1895.

Cncning th stomch ldy duing y sty i n lch-

sigs Asylu th Vinns nv spciist nd in hpt icuusly pducd in plc f y hlthy ntu stch

vy infi scld ws stch Lt f ti th

icls w in pfnc dictd ginst y stch pty

bcus th sus bgudgd th snsul plsu cn

nctd with th tking f fd ptly bcus thy cnsidd

thsvs supi t hun bings wh qui thly

nuishnts; thy thf tndd t k dwn n l t

ing nd dinking with s disdin. xistd fquntly

withut stch; xpssy td th ttndnt M., s hy b tht culd nt t bcus hd n stch.

Stis iditly bf ls stch ws s t spk

pducd hoc by icls. his ws dn pticuly by

vn W.s sul, which in t st s f its fs stis

shwd findy spiit twds . tuly this nv

lstd lng; th stch which hd bn pducd by icls

in ny cs nly n infi stch ws usuly vd

gin iculusly by v. W's sul duing th l bcus f

chng f ind"; gt chngbility is kd ftu f

th suchct, bslutly divin ys phps xcludd.

d nd dink tn siply pud int th bdin cvity

nd int th thighs pcss which hwv unblivbl it

y sund, ws bynd l dubt f s distinctly -

b th snstin

n th cs f ny th hun bing this wud hv

69 I was the same feeling which, for instance, made he Comandatore in Don

Giovai when he appears to the latter as a departed spiit, refuse the proffered

meal with the words: "Kow hat I abhor al earthly food, etc

r .44

L .

Body try amad

sutd in ntul pus ftin with n invitby ft ut

c; but th fd pulp culd nt dg y bdy bcus

l ipu tt in it ws skd up gin by th ys Lt

thf ptdly wnt hd with ting unptubd

withut hing stch; ll in ll gdully gt usd t

gding vything which hppnd in y bdy with cpltquniity Evn nw cnvincd tht iun t

ll ntul diss infuncs; diss gs nly is in

thugh ys nd vd gin in th s wy by ys

ndd dubt vy uch whth t l t s lng

s th cunictin with ys lsts f instnc think

culd tk th stngst pisn withut pticu dng t

y lif nd y hlth Aft ll wht cn pisns d but d-

sty s iptnt gns hv dstuctiv ffct n

th bld? Bth hv hppnd t innub tis

thugh ys withut ny pnnt ill ffct.

Of th intnl gns will ny ntin th gullet nd

th intestines which w tn vnishd ptdly fu-

th th phynx which pty t up svl tis nly

th semnl co ginst which vy pinful icls w

dictd with th pticul pups f suppssing th sn

stin f vluptuusnss ising in y bdy. ust futh

70 I need hardly say that this is purely hypohetial speulation, and that I have

ot the east intetio o atuay ang out suh experimens on my body

whch, f nohing else, would etaily ause me sevee pain.

71 The corecness o my assetio that I have so to speak become invulnerable,

is evidenced by the fac tha whle was well I used to sufer severa times every

witer fom a heavy cod whch lased a numbe of days; during the 6 years of my

stay here I have hardly ever had a real od at all Shold a catarrhal inammaion

of the mucous membrae of he nose-whih is he essence of a cold-tend to de

veop, rays woud immediately shoo to the dseased part of my body in such

numbers that the cold would e sted in is very begnnngs

72. agerous obstrction of my gut was also repeatedy produed y males,

whih was however mostly esoved agan, usually after a shor time

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I S

mention a miracle which aected my whole abdomen, the

socalled purefcn f he bdmen. his miracle orginated

regularly rom on Ws sol in one o its most impre shapes

in contrast to other parts o on Ws soulhence the name

abdominal putreaction o on W It threw the putrid matter

which cased the abdomina ptreaction into my belly withsch rthlessness that more than once I beleed I wold hae

to rot alie and the rotten smell escaped rom my mouth in a

most disgustng manner Von W's so assmed that the ab

dominal putreaction would be remoed agan by Gods rays

this happened throgh rays o a particular kind adapted to ths

ppose which pshed their way into my intestines like a

wedge and absorbed their putrid content Gods rays appeared

to act rom the instinctie knowledge that it wold be most

distastel or them to hae to allow themsees to be attracted by a rotting body his notion was expressed repeatedy

n the slogan that i I were to be orsaken, I should be orsaken

with a pure body; bt natraly this notion too sered rom

the sual obscrty, as apparently one was not at al clear how

the neres o a orsaken body wold lose their power o at

tracton hose miracles aways appeared most threatenng to

me which were n one way or another directed against my rea

son hese concerned rstly my hed secondly during a cer

tain periodo probably seeral weeks round the autmn o

894aso the spnl crd, which next to the head was consid-

ered as the seat o reason One thereore attempted to pump

the spinal cord out, which was done by socalled lttle men

placed in my eet Later I will hae more to say about these

little men whch hae some simlarity to the phenomenon

o the same name which discussed n Chapter 6 as a rle

there were two o them a little echsig and a ittle on

W whose oices cold also hear in my eet he eect o

the pmping ot was that the spinal cord let my mouth in

considerable qantity in the orm o little couds partclarly

"

46

Bodly negy damage

when I was walking in the garden One can magine the appre

henson with which such eents lled me, as I did not then

know whether or not any part o my reason would thus in act

anish into the air he miracles directed against my hed nd

he nees f my hed happened in maniod ways One at

tempted to pull the nees out o my head, or a tme eendrng the nights to transplant them into the head o M who

slept in the next room hese attempts cased besides the ear

o an actual loss o my neres) an npeasant tension in my head

Howeer the pulling out succeeded only moderatey, the stay

ing power o my nees proed the greater orce and the hal

pulledout neres always returned to my head ater a short

time Serios deastation was caused in my head by the so

caled lights o rays a phenomenon dicult to describe the

eect o which was that my skull was repeatedly sawn asunderin arious directions reqently hadand still hae reglarly

dalythe sensation that my whole skll had temporarily

thnned in my opnion this was brought about through the

bony materal o my skll being partly puleried by the de

strcte action o the rays; bt it is restored again by pre rays

particarly dring seep One can orm some picture o the

disagreeable sensations these happenings cause i one consid

ers that these are the rays o a whoe worldsomehow mechan

caly astened at their point o issuewhich trael aound one

single head and attempt to tear t asunder and pull it apart in a

ashion comparable to quartering

rther, in the tme I am discussing attempts were repeat

edly made to coer my neres with some noxios matter it ap

peared as the natural capacity o neres to brate were

thereby really mpaired, so that een I mysel had at tmes the

impresson o becoming temporarily stpid One o the agents

concerned was called poison o intoxcation I cannot say

what its chemical natre was rom tme to time also the liq

uids o the ood I had taken were by mracle placed on the

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E I S

ns my ad, s tat ts w cd wit a st

past, and t capacity t tink tmpaiy impaid;

mmb distinctly tat tis appnd nc wit c

All my muscles w and stil a) t bjct miacls

t purps pnting all mmnts and y ccupatin

am abut t undtak instanc attmpts a mad tpaaly my ngs wn play t pian wit, and t

caus sm damag t my kncap t mak macing imps

sibl wn walk abut in t gadn in t cid atly

t ct as mstly bn ny t mak suc ccupatins di

cult caus nly mdat pain n waking

My eyes and t muscles of he ls wic s t pn

and cls tm w an almst unintuptd tagt mia

cls T ys w aways paticula imptanc, bcaus

ays ls t dstucti pw wit wic ty a quippd

at a latily st tim as sn as ty see smethng, and

tn nt my bdy witut causing damag bjct sn

can b it isual y) impssins, wic a cmmuni

catd t t ays wn my ys a pn imags wic

can caus at will n my inn nus systm by imaginatin,

s tat ty bcm isib t t ays sall tun t ts

nts wic in t sullanguag a calld t "pcturng

uman bings, in ant cntxt H will nly mntin

tat attmpts w mad ay n and kpt up tugut t

past yas, t cls my ys against my will, s as t b m isual impssins and tus ps t ays' dstucti

pw is pnmnn can b bsd n m at almst

y mmnt; w watcs caully wil bs tat

my ylids suddnly dp cls n wil am talking t

t ppl; tis n ccus in uman bings und natual

cnditins n d t kp my ys pn ntlss, a gat

t will is ndd; but as am nt always paticulaly in

tstd in ping my ys pn alw tm t b clsd

tmpaily at tims

48L

Body egy amaged

Duing my st mnts t miacls n my ys w

pmd by littl mn y simia t ts mntind

wn dscibing t miacl dictd against my spinal cd

Ts littl mn w n t mst makabl and n

t m mst mystius pnmna; but a n dubt wat

in t bjcti ality ts appnings, as saw tslittl mn innumabl tims wit my minds y and ad

ti ics T makabl ting abut it was tat suls

ti singl ns culd in ctain cnditins and paticu

la pupss assum t m tiny uman saps as mn

tind ai nly a w millimts in si), and as suc

mad misci n all pats my bdy, bt insid and n

t suac Ts ccupid wit t pning and clsing

t ys std ab t ys in t ybws and t

puld t yids up dwn as ty plasd wit n l

amnts ik cbwbs H t ts cncnd w usually

a littl lcsig and a littl W and smtims in addi

tin ant littl man, w ad iginatd m Danil

ctgtt lcsigs sul wic still xistd at tat tim

Wn swd signs bing unwilling t allw my y

lids t b puld up and dwn and actualy ppsd it, t it

t mn bcam annyd and xpssd tis by calling m

wtc; i wipd tm my ys wit a spng, it was

cnsidd by t ays as a st cim against Gd's git

miacs By t way, wiping tm away ad nly a ytmpay ct, bcaus t littl mn w ac tim st

dwn as Ot littl mn w assmbld almst

cntinuusy n my ad in gat numb Ty w calld

littl dils Ty litally walkd aund n my ad,

73. Of ouse one can n see wth he bdly ee wha goes on nse one's own

bo, no on etan pas of s suface fo nstance on the op of he hea o on

te back, bas n m caseone can see with one's mnd eye, as te nees

sa llumnaton of h nne nevous ssem s pove b as.

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14/30

M E M O I R S

cuiously nosing about to see whethe any new destuction

had been caused on my head by macles n a way they een

patook of my meals, helpng themseles to a pat, though nat

ually only a tiny pat of the food I ate t made them appea

tempoaly somewhat swollen but also less actie and less de-

stuctie in thei intentions Some of the "little deils" patcipated in a miacle which was often enacted against my head and

of which will now say a little moe This was pehaps the

most abomnable of all miaclesnet to the compessonof-

thech estmiacle; the expesson used fo t if I emembe co-

ecty was "the headcompessngmachine" n consequence of

the many fights of ays etc, thee had appeaed in my skull a

deep cleft o ent oughy along the middle which pobably was

not sible fom outside but was fom inside The "little de-

ils" stood on both sdes of this cleft and compessed my headas though in a ice by tuning a kind of scew causng my head

tempoaily to assume an elongated almost peashaped fom

It had an etemely theatening effect paticulaly as it was

accompaned by seee pain The scews wee loosened tem-

poaily but only ey gadually so that the compessed state

usually continued fo some time The "little deils" esponsi

ble mostly deied fom W's soul These "little men" and

"lttle deils" dsappeaed afte a few months nee to appea

again The moment of thei depatue concided appomately

with the appeaance of the posteio ealms of God It is tue

that macles ae still esponsble fo opening and closng my

eyelids in the manne descibed but fo almost six yeas now

it has no longe been done by the "little men" but diectly by

ays which set the muscles concened in moton In ode to

peent my closng o openng my eyes at wll the thin laye of

muscle situated in and aboe the eyelids and seving the

moement has seeal times been emoed by miacle. But

again the effect was only tempoary: the muscle tissue so lost

was always estoed againfo easons often mentioned befoe

"15 0

L

Boily negrity damage.

Manifold miacles wee also dected against my skeleto,

apat fom those against my ibs and skull mentioned ealie

In the foot bones patculaly in the egion of the heel, carie

was often caused by miacle causng me consideable pain;

luckly howee, the seeest pans did not last long A simila

miacle was the socalled coccyx miracle. This was an extemelypainfu caieslike state of the lowest etebae Its puose

was to make sitting and een lying down impossible Alto-

gethe was not allowed to emain fo long in one and the same

positon o at the same occupation: when was walkng one at-

tempted to foce me to lie down and when I was lying down

one wanted to chase me off my bed Rays did not seem to ap-

pecate at all that a human being who actually ests mus be

somewhere Because of the iesstible attaction of my nees

I had become an embaassing human being fo the ays fo

God) n whatee postion o ccumstance might be o what

ee occupation I undetook One did not want to admit that

what had happened was not my fault but one always tended to

eese the blame by way of "epesenting"

I beliee hae gien an almost complete descipton in

this chapte of those miacles which I was led to consde the

essential ones because of thei theatening chaacte In the

couse of this essay I will fequently hae to mention many

othe miacles of a less dangeous kind (patly on my body

patly on the objects aound me); some of them had aleady ap-peaed side by side wth the miacles descibed aboe some

only stated late

74. I fo one a sufCiy js not to speak of moal guilt n the oday sense

on the pat of Go (compae wha has een sa at the en of Chapte 5, also at the

end of the secod series of Postscrps) The cocept of guit or si s a human con

cept, which s essece canot be se towas sols whose ature dfers fom

the human. After all oe cano expect of souls the human virtues of perseve

ce, selsacice etc

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Co o h voc' ak

" Soul cocpt o

Souaguag. Couao

of poa xprc

2

A 5 M E N T O N D I N Chapter 9 the talk o the voice had

already become motly an empty babe o everrecrring mo

noono phrae in ireome repeition; on op o hi tey

were rendered grammaticaly incomplete by the omiion o

word and even yllabe However, the decription o a certain

nmber o phrae ed i o ineret, becae o the idelight

thrown on the ol whole way o thnking, their idea o h

man lie and o hman thinkng Among hee phrae are

hoe in which I wa called a Pnce o roghly incehe time o my tay n ieron' Aylm It wa aid innmer

able time or ntance, that God' omnipotence ha decided

that the rince o Hell i gong to be brned alive, he

rince o Hel reponible or the o o ray, We an

nonce victoy over he beaen rnce o Hel bt then again

by ome o the voice ot Schreber, bt lechig i the tre

rince o Hell etc

Anybody who knew me in my ormer lie and had he op

pornity o oberving my cool and ober natre, will readily

152L

Co o h oic

believe hat I myel cold never have ventred on o antatc a

term a tha o rince o Hell, til le a it wa in ch qeer

conrat to he poverty o my oward lie aion o he many

limitaion o reedom o wch wa bected, etc here wa

certainly nohing n the appearance o my rrondng whc

wa remindl o eiher Hell or o a prncely etting In myopnon te epreion rince o Hell, whch wa only erro

neoly applied to me, wa originally baed on an abtracton

he realm o God may alway have known ta he Order

o the World however great and magnicent, wa yet not wit

o it Achille' eel namch a the hman nerve power o

attracting God nerve conitted ome danger or the realm

o God hee danger were lkely to become more acte when

omewhere on ear or on any other ar nervone or moral

depravity gained te pper hand order to orm a clearer pic

tre o thee danger the ol ad apparenly adoped a ind

o peronicaion, imilar to the way in which nation in their

inancy ty to ndertand e idea o God better by mean o

graven image o ae god The phrae rince o Hell wa

probably meant o convey the ncanny power inimical to God

that cod develop rom moral decay among manind or a

general pread o nervo overecitement in coneqence o

overciviliaion A my nerve power o atracton became

more and more irreiible, the rince o Hell appeared

ddeny to have become reality in my peron An enemy wathereore een in me who had o be deroyed by all te might

o dvine power; one reed to recognize tha on te conrary

I wa he bet riend o pue ray rom whom alone I cold

epect my recovery or other atiactory olton o te conlict

One wa apparently more inclned to hare one own power

with impre teted ol)God' real enemiethan to p

p w the idea o being dependen on a ingle hman being

wom one wold otherwie ave looked down pon in e

prod awarene o ditan power

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M EO I R S

Phrases of another grop having certain factual ignicance

were those in which one talked of the "soulconeption Fn

damentally this contained signicant and valable ideas. n

its original meanng soulconception is think a somewhat

dealized verson whch souls had fomed of human lfe and

thought. One ms remember that sols were the deparedspirs of erstwhile hman beings As sch they had a lvely

interest not only n ther own hman pas bt also in the

fortnes of their stllliving reaives and frends and in every

thing that happened to mankind; hey could gain sch knowl

edge either hrough nerveconact or otward impressions by

actally seeng compare Chapter I ) . They were able to express

in more or less disinct words some les of condc and att

tde to life. I will qote a few of hese sentences as examples.

"Do not think abo certain parts of yor body" was a rle of

condct apparently expressing the idea that man in his norma

healthy sate has no reason o think of particlar parts of his

body, nless reminded of hem by pain "Not at the rst de

mand" was another phrase indicating hat a sensible hman

being wold not allow himself to be led into one or oher ac-

tion by a momenary implse "A job started mst be n

ished" was the formla expressing tha man shod purse to

its ltimate goal what he stars witho beng distracted by

adverse inflences, ec

n mans thoght processes one distingushed he "thoghtof decision"mans exertion of will to do a certain thing

"wishfl thoghts" "thoghts of hope" and "hoghts of

fear." The "thinkingtoverthoght" denoted something

perhaps also known to psychologiss: it often leads a person

to rn his wi power in the opposite direction or at least

change i from tha whch at rs he may have felt nclined to

folow, bt whch on frher consideraton automatcally

causes doubts. "The hman hoghtofrecollecton" was sed

to indcate mans atomatc need o imprnt on hs mind by

r -

IS'L .

Conen of h voices I ta lk

repetition an important thogh which had occrred to him

How deeply ingrained the "hman hoghtofrecollection" s

n the natre of he hman processes of thoght and feeling,

can be seen from vey characterisic instances when in poems

rhymes refrans) recr, or when in msical compositions a cer

tain seqence of notes expressing the embodiment of beatyoccrs not only once but is repeated again and again A very

prominen part was payed in the "solconcepion" by ideas

about the relation between the two sexes and their respective

mode of occpaion her tases, etc. For instance beds hand

mirrors and rakes were consdered feminine baskechairs and

spades mascline; of games, chess as masclne checkers as

feminine, ec

Sols knew very wel that a man lies on his side in bed, a

woman on her back as the "sccmbng par," considered

from the point of view of sexa intercorse. myself who in

earlier ife never gave t a hoght, have ony learned this from

he sols From what I read in for insance my father's MED-

ICAL INDOOR GYMNASTCS 23rd Edition, p. 102 physi

cians themselves do no seem to be nformed abot i. Frther

he sols knew tha mae vopousness s stimlaed by he

sight of femae ndes bt on the conrary female volpos

ness to a very mch lesser extent if at al by he sight of male

ndes while female ndes stimlate both sexes eqaly. For

insance the sight of a nde mae body perhaps at a swmmngehibiion will leave the female pbic cold for ths reason

their admission is righly not considered immora o he same

extent as the presence of men at a female swimmng exhibi-

ton whereas a balet will prodce some sexal simaion in

both sexes. I do not know whether these phenomena are gener-

ally known and considered correct. My own observaions and

the behavior of my own nerves of volptosness eave me in

no doubt that the solconception is correct in this respect I

am of corse flly aware hat the reacion of my own female)

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O I

rvs o voltosss os ot tsl costtt roo or

th vy raso that t s xctoal or ma rvs to b

rst a mal boy as my cas.

A stcto btw mascl a m wth r-

sct to artcls o cothg (th armamtarm as t was

call th basc lagag s almost slvt boots aar to th sols a scal symbol charactrstc o ma

lss o th sols to ta o boots mat mch th sam

as mag.

hs short rmars may sc to gv a aroxmat a

o th orgal mag o th xrsso solcocto.

What I ow abot t I ow artly to t ormato

rg th arly art o my llssa artly to mrssos

rcv my cotact wth sols hav ths ga sght

to th atr o hma thoght rocsss a hma -

gs or whch may a sychoogst mght vy m

h hrass abot solcocto rcv a qt r

t mag latr hy grat to mr lorshs wth

whch o tr to satsy th or sch whl totally

lacg ow thoghts comar Chatr 9. Do ot orgt

that yo ar bo to th solcocto a Now th

that s too mch accorg to th solcocto bcam

costatly rcrrg mty hrass by th lss rtto

o whch I was tortr or yars almost byo rac a

stll am. h lattr hras scally was th sols' almost co-stat rtort wh thy co ot th o what to say rthr to

a w thoght o m a t also shows by ts oor stylstc

orm th gracy whch ha st I cotrast th g

basc agag that s th xrsso o th sos' tr lgs

bor th tm th mchacally rat hrass com-

mc xcll orm aso by ts gty a smlcty

Crta othr hrass wth qt mortat mags ca

oly b mto th xt chatr bcas o thr cotxt

My uward lvng cndn hav som rscts at

56 J

C o te t e c e ' a lk

ast bcom mor barabl sc abot th rst hal o th

yar 89, as mto at th o Chatr 0 Most mor

tat was that I start to occy mysl rt ways. It s

tr I stll cl to wrt to my rlatvs artclar to my

w althogh th attat M. tr to rsa m. ot

th blv th xstc o a ral ma ots thAsylm bt thoght that al th hma shas saw ar-

tclar my w wh sh vst m wr ltg a m-

rovs or oly a lmt tm so that to wrt lttrs as

was sggst to m wol hav b a shr arc whch I

was ot rar to ta art. Sc th howvr thr hav

b oortts to lay chss wth othr atts or wth

attats a to lay th ao Havg oc or twc lay

th ao th commoroom or lbrary o th Asym r-

g my w's vsts a small ao was t to my room th

srg o 89 or my rglar s h lgs aros m

wh I rsm ths occato whch ays o halth I ha

oy I ca bst scrb wth a qotato rom ahsr:

otal orgttg sc btw toay a ystr

ay. Al my mmors vash raly a I col oy

rmmbr ha had l all hpe f ever greeng yu

agan r ever rang my eye yu.

The only tme I played the pano n Flechsg's Asylumwas on my we's urgent persuason; it was the ara from

Handel's Messiah "I know that my Redeemer Lveth" from

a score whichhappened to be at hand. My state was such that

I played in the certan convicton of t beng the last tme n

my lfe that my ngers would touch the keys of a pano

Havngresumedchess and pano-playng n the Asylum, they

becamemytwomanoccupations durngthe whole ve years

whch have sncepassed Playngthe pano n particular was

andstll s ofmmense vaueto me; I mustconfess that I nd

57


18/30

I S

t ct to mage how I col have bore the complsve

thg a al that goes wth t rg these ve years ha I

ot bee able to play the pao. Drg paoplayg the o

sescal twae o the voces whch tal to me s rowe.

Next to physcal exercses t s oe o the most ecet orms

o the socale otthgoaythgthoght; bt agaoe wate to eprve me o t by trocg the mscal

otthgoaythgthoght as t was cale the sol

agage. he rays aways at east have a vsal mpresso

rom my has a rom my reag the score a every at

tempt at represetg me by the creatooaalseeeg

a sche s oome to e are becase o the rea

eeg oe ca pt to paopayg. Paoplayg thereore

was a stll s oe o the ma obects o crses

he cltes whch were pt my way ey escrpto.

My gers are paraye the recto o my gae s chage

orer to prevet my g the correct eys my gers are

verte o to wrog eys the tempo s qcee by mag

the msces o my gers move prematrely; all these were

a stll are aly occrreces. Eve the pao tsel was re

qety the obect o mracles a strgs were broe (lcy

mch more rarely recet years). I 1897 aloe the bl or

broe pao strgs amote to o less tha 86 mars

hs s oe o the ew staces whch I beleve rshes

scet proo to covce other people o the realty o themracles whch I mata happe. Spercal gmet mght

lea some to assme that I myse have case the pao

strgs to sap by seseess bagg o the pao; ths was or

stace my we's repeately state opo possbly havg

hear t rom the physcas. I reply I mataa I am

74. n annot pla th pan cntnull mucal clck r th am pur

p, and (fr th gardn) muth rgan hich I rcntl prng 1900) akd m

rati t gt fr m

-

Ct te v alk

covce that every expert wll spport me thsthat t s

ltogether mpossble to sap the strgs o a pao merely by

bagg o the eys however voletly. he smal hammers

le wth the eys oly lghtly toch the strgs a col

ever stre them scetly har to brea them. et ayoe

try to ht the eys as har as he les eve wth a hammer ora og o woo the eyboar may perhaps be broe to peces

bt he wll ever be abe to brea a strg. Strgs have

broe mch ess reqety recet yearst stl happes

occasoalybecase the rays' (Go's) tet towars me

has become ess rely more abot ths later) owg to

my costaty creasg sovolptosess; the rays were

aso orce by stll more peasat cotos eve or them)

partclar by the socalle bellowg to coser pao

playg the most cogea pastme or all cocere.

I mst meto aother mraclos evet ths coec-

to althogh t realy beogs to a earer tme whch s oe

o the most mysteros thgs eve I ever experece who a

ter all has see so mch o mraclos thgs I remember

that o a certa ay whle stll ept mmoble that s the

smmer or atm o 894 the attempt was mae o oe oc

caso to place a whole gra pao (Blther) my room by

mracle; t seems to have bee oe o v. W.'s mraces. I am

lly aware how absr ths sos a I mst thereore as

myse whether t col ot have bee a halcato. Bt certa crcmstaces mae t extremely ct or me to th

so. I remember clearly that t too place broa aylght

whe was sttg a char or o the soa rot o me I s

tctly saw the polshe brow srace o a gra pao the

mag (harly a ew paces away) ortatey sregare

the mracle at the tme; I wate othg whatever to o wth

ay o mracle; they al lle me wth sgst partc

larly as ha mae absolte passvty my ty Later I some

tmes regrette that I ot ecorage the mracle (pacy

r

59


19/30

M R S

i was he exresso he asic aguage) o ou wheher

i cou realy e comee. Almos whou exceio al

mraces were a are oome o falure or reere much

more ifficul if oose hem resouey wih my wil A so

I mus leave uece wha oecive ackgrou he re

ore eve ha if i really was a halucaio i mus haveee of a mos exraoriary ki i vew of he immeiae

roximiy of he oec suosely see.

Miracles of hea a co were a sil are aly eace

agais me urig walks i he gare a whe I am ioors

always wih he urose of reveig he aural feelig of

oily weleig which s cause y he soulvoluuousess

for isace miracles make my fee col a my face ho I

hik he hysioogical mechasm is ha urg he col

miracle he loo is force ou of he exremies so causg

a suecive feelig of col a ha coversey urg he

heamiracle he loo is force owars my face a hea i

which of course cooless is he coiio corresog o a

geeral sese of welleig From youh accusome o eur

g oh hea a col hese miracles roule me ie ex

ce whe miracles mae my fee co while lyig i e as

haee ofe Coversely I myself have ofe ee force o

seek hea a col. his was ariculary ecessary rig he

rs years of my say here whe soulvoluuousess ha o

ye reache is rese egree i orer o iver he rays owars he chilly ars aricularly o he has a fee a so

roec he hea from he ijurous ifueces iee. fre

quely cug o he icy rees wih my has for may mi

ues urig he wier or hel als of sow ul my has

were almos aralye For some ime roaly i he srig

or auum of 189 I u my fee hrough he ro ars of he

oe wiow a igh i orer o exose hem o he col rai.

As log as i hs he rays coul o reach my hea whch of

course was of foremos imorace o me a I fel herefore

r ,

60L -

Ctet f the ces a

erfecly well aar from froe fee. I have reaso o assume

ha hs ehavior of me somehow came o he oice of my

hysicias a cause hem o ao a measure which ro

voke my severes sleasure. For a few ays I was move

from my usua rooms a o my reur I fou ha heavy

wooe shuers ha ee xe efore my eroom wiowwhich were ocke a igh so ha my eroom was oal

arkess a eve he rs ligh of ay i he morig coul

harly eerae. Naurally he hysicias roaly ha o

iea of how eely hs measure affece me i my exremely

har sruggle efeig myself agais he aems irece

a esroyig my reaso. Bu i is uersaale ha i lle

me wih a ee a oglasig sese of ieess. igh ec

essary for every huma occuaio ha ecome almos more

esseia for me ha my aiy rea i my aloe ask of a

al mes covicig Go Who oes o kow he livig hu

ma eig of my uimiishe owers of reaso herefore

erivig me of aricia ligh a rologig he ime of au

ra arkess mae my osio immeasuraly more ifficul

wil o isue wih he hyscias wheher he measure hey

mose was ecessary from a urey huma oi of view o

roec my healh from he cosequeces of harmful acos.

Bu here oo I cao he remarkig ha he meas o

seem o he e Wha coul ossly have haee o me

oher ha coracg a col? he iro ars gave sufficieroecio agais he ager of falig ou of he wiow a

as regars he ager of coracig a col oe migh well

have waie o see wheher huma eigs aural ee for

warmh woul o have revee me from keeig he

75 Fo ths reason the effect of he oe cold showe I was allowed to tae i e

athroo was alost iracuous. All at once I felt pefectly wel and free ro all

the treatening anifestations of iracles by which y head and other parts of

y body had een visited-alhoug ony fo a shot ie

r ,

1L -


20/30

MEMO IR S

windows open too ong. Bt these neiher were nor are he de-

cisive factors or me the main poin was that I cod only see

he physicians as tools in whose nerves decisions were arosed

by divine rays aimed at frthering the plans directed at de

stroying my reason; narally wihot the physicians hem-

selves becoming sbjectively conscios of his bt thinkinghat they were acting simply from hman deliberations. I mst

sil maintain his opinion becase behind every word which

he physicians and other people speak to me I notice he divine

inflence as reveaed to me by the wriingdownmaterial I

know so well, which will perhaps try to explain frther laer

on In writing these lines I do not mean to recriminate about

the pas I harbor no illwil against any hman being for wha

happened in imes gone by; happiy it has mostly been over-

come Bt I thoght i necessary to discss he affair about the

window shtters in greater detail to explain the deep mistrstof the physicians which led me for years, and of which they

possibly noticed some signs in my behavior.

These shtters the only ones in he whole wing of the

Asym I inhabied) still exist, bt have not been closed for a

long time Usally sch shtters are fond ony in he cels

eqipped for raving madmen on the grond foor and rst floor

of the rund wng of the Asylm For two years (18961898) I

slept in several of these cells as I will reate later, in which

time the adverseness of my circmstances was if possible in-creased by he darkness.

r ,

162L

63L


21/30

S

r 96

L

1 6

Compulsve thnkng. Its

effecs and mafesaio

T H E P E V O U S apr I rb ang n

m uwar l urng pa ar an rm bal

annlan aum w vn ra l agan m

wll nw a m mr abu rma val ang

nan compulve thnng. Cmpulv nkng

a bn n n Capr 5 a avng nk nnual;

nravn man naural rg mnal raxan

mprar r rm mnal av rug nkng nng

r a xprn g n ba languag urb

"ba a uman bng M nrv ar nun b

ra vbra rrpnng ran uman wr r

rr n ubj m wn wl bu u

an nun xr n m rm wu Frm bgnnng

ystem of notnsngsentence prval a

a vbran au n m nrv an wr pr-

u nan n manl n ug bu unn

a r nl ragmn a w m nrv av

uppmn mak up n I n naur nrv

r 9 7

L -

I


22/30

O I

ha i uncnncd wrds r sard phrass ar hrwn in

hm, hy aumaicaly amp cmpl hm n

ishd hughs sasacry h human mind.

Th sysm nnshingasnnc bcam mr and

mr prvaln n h curs yars h mr h sus

lacd hir wn hughs n paricular, r yars singl cn

uncins r advrbs hav bn spn in my nrvs hu

sands ims; hs ugh nly nrduc clauss bu s

l my nrvs cmpl hm n a mannr sasacry

a hinng mind. Thus r yars hav hard daily in hundrd

d rpiin nchrn wrds spn in my nrvs wih

u any cnx such as "Why n?," "Why ," "Why

bcaus " "B ," "Wih rspc him" ha is say ha

smhing r hr has b hugh r said wih rspc

mys; urhr an absuly snslss "Oh" hrwn n my

nrvs; nally crain ragmns snncs which wr arlir n xprssd cmply; as r insanc

"Nw shall"

2 "Yu wr "

3 " shal"

4 " will b,"

S. "Ths curs was/

"acng nw is/

c. n rdr giv h radr sm ida h riginal man

ing hs ncmpl phrass wil add h way hy usd

b cmpd bu ar nw mid and l b cmpld by

my nrvs. Th phrass ugh hav bn:

Nw shall rsg mysl bing supid;

2 Yu wr b rprsnd as dnyng Gd as givn

vlupuus xcsss, c;

3 shal hav hn abu ha rs;

r "98

L .

Copuv thng

4. will b dn nw, h n pr;

5 Ths curs was much rm h suls pin

viw;

Lacng nw s nly h ading ida, ha isw, h

rays hav n hughs

Th rahr aslss phras abu h in pr numbr

4) is du mysl having usd yars ag h gur spch

"dn l a n pr" in h nrvlanguag This phras

was sizd n and bcam a cnsanly rcurrng par h

spchmaria. Th "in pr" was rr mysl: i

was man xprss ha was dn, i.. ha my pwr r

ssanc agains h aacs n my rasn by h rays mus by

nw b xhausd.

Th purps nnishingasnnc s cnsisn wh

Gd's aiud m hrughu: prvn dissluin in mybdy whch wuld ncssarily rsul rm is aracn Whil

cndiins prvaild which wr a as smhw n cns-

nanc wih h Ordr h Wrld ha is br yingrays

and yingclsialbdis was sard cmpar Chapr 9,

a mmnary unirm eeling was nugh ma h rly

suspndd suls ump dwn rm h sy in my muh hus

nding hir ndpndn xisnc; an vn, as mnind in

Chapr 7 pag 86, acually xprincd rpadly. Bu mr

"inllcual dlibrain" had h sam c; whnvr x

prssd in a grammaically cmpl snnc, h rays wuld

b d sraigh m, and nrng my bdy hugh capab

wihdrawing mprarily incras is sulvupuusnss

Nnishngasnnc has apparnly h c ha h

rays ar, as i wr, hd up hal way, and culd hrr wih

draw br having addd sulvupuusnss in my bdy;

bu vn hs ds n prmannly prvn h aracin

cmpy; nly sws i dwn.

s hard gv a picur h mnal srain h

r "199

L .

R S C i


23/30

R S

ompulve hnkng impoe on me pariularly afer i ha

eome o muh wore, an wha menal orure ha o uf

fer During he r year my nerve inee eeme rreiy

ompelle o oninue eah are laue o he aifaon

of he human min, muh a in orinary human ineroure

an anwer reguarly given o omeoy ueion

wil give an exampe o illurae how uh a nee in

heren in he naure of human nerve Conier he ae of par

en or eaher eing preen uring a hoo examinaion of

her hilren f hey folow he examnaion aenivey hey

wll auomaialy anwer every ueion in heir mn per

hap only in he form: " am no a all ure wheher he hil

ren wil know h " Of oure here i no menal ompuion

for paren or eaher hey have only o iver her aenion

from he proeeng examinaion owar omehing ele in

heir environmen o pare heir nerve hi rain hi heeenial ifferene eween hi exampe an my ae The

ueion or uerying parle poken ino my nerve ompe

my mn o work y eng he orreponng nerve in vra

on in a way ha hey anno poly eape he impue o

hink mu eave uneie wheher he expreion hoe

of my nerve eing e n orreponng viraon y he ray,

over he irumane orrey wha irely fee i ha

he alkng voe laely n parular he voie of he alking

ir a iner oices move like long hrea ino my hea an

here aue a painfu feeling of enion hrough he poion of

orpe whih hey epo

n onrainion o hee inner voe hear ouer

voie pariularly poken y r, whih ome o me from

ouie, from he ir hroa However in oh ae my

nerve anno avoi he oun of he poken wor he

95 T d hi iediey s ih [i he ike eye e iu-

ee deded ed he pciy e i."

'

200L

Compv i

mulaion of my nerve follow auomaally an ompe

me o hink on when hear ueion or inomplee hough

n earier year my nerve imply ha o hink on o anwer

ueion, o omplee rokenoff enene, e Only aer

wa graualy ale o auom my nerve my "ai" o ig

norng he imulaon whih fore hem o hink on, y im

ply repeaing he wor an phrae an hu urnng hem

ino nohnkngofanyhnghough have one ha for a

long ime now wih onunion an aver whih wou

nee a full laue for heir ompleon f hear for inane

"Why, eaue ," or "Be i," repea hee wor for a long a

poie wihou aemping o omplee he ene y rying o

onne hem wih wha hough efore

proee in he ame manner when aemp are mae

wih he wor "f only my" o ompel my nerve o evelop

ea of fear, no really preen in my min u falely mpueo me know wha an e "expee" o foloweaue

a a rule he orreponing mirale happen imulaneouly

an fee i on my oy he inene oninuaion i ome

ime "f ony my voupuoune were no ure

omeime "f only my oo were no remove y mra

le omeime "f only my noe, my eye, my kneeap my

kull, e, woul no e affee y mirale"

Sine my nerve have eome auome o uppre he

orreponing mulaion, no longer elaorae n wor

he nonene o whih hee falie iea lea am a

e o keep on repeaing he ame wor "f only my" wihou

aing anyhng o hem n orinary onveraion of oure

everyoy woul mply ouner "f only my" wh "Wa

o you realy mean, or perhap woul ue auive language in

efefene Thi i very iffiul for me eaue he ray

regularly anwer "We have ha h efore" wh he ef

fe menone n Chaper 9) wou in any ae e un

enurale n he long run o umi nerve al ay long

r 01

IS olsie t .


24/30

IS

to the onteqestion Wht do ou el men" o to

bsive lngge

The infingement of the feedom of humn thining o moe

oet thining nothing, whih onstittes the essene of

ompusive thining beme moe nbebe in the ose

of es with the sowing down of the tl of the voies his

is onneted with the inesed solvouptuosness of m

bod nddespite ll witingdownwith the get shotge

of speehmteil t the dispos of the s with whih to

bidge the vst distnes septing the sts, whee the e

suspended fom m bod

No one who hs not pesonl expeiened these phe

nomen ie hve n hve n ide of the extent to

whih speeh hs sowed down To s "Bt ntull" is

spoen Bbb t t t nnn t t tu l ll

o "Wh do o not then shit?" Wwwhhh

96. n can nl gt an da f th enormos ninement f man's mt mtve

ihs hch cmpulsv thnng cnsttuts and f h m patnc as tstd

nd al human cncptn hn n pcturs a human ng havng t a-

thr human ng n human langag n th a that as hav t m t ths

da n th nrvanguag magn a human ng plantng hmslf fr anthr

and mlstng hm all da lng th uncnnctd phrass such as th as us t-

ards m (l nl m hs thn as nl Yu a t, tc) an n xpctanthng ls f a prsn spn t n ths mannr u that h uld th th

thr Out f th hus th a f ttng ds f aus? I als ught t hav th

rght f ng mastr n m n had aganst th ntusn f stangrs But ths snt pssl as rgards th ras caus I am nt n a pstn t prvnt thr n

unc n m nrs ths rsts n ds pr f mracls Th human anguag

(spn alud hch s th ima ato r prsrng th sanctt f m hus

cannt alas usd part ut cnsdatn f m nvrnmnt, patl

caus cntnuus tang aud uld ma v snsl ccupatn mpss

; nall caus at nght t uld pvnt slp nc n trs t prv m

t tal aud th th qustn: h d u nt sa t alud r mans f

nsultng phrass cmpar hapt 9 f lat, havng cm ncrasngl car

aut ths thngs hav n fact nt rfrand frm mang us f spang alud

hnv th pprtunt ars th n cnvrsatn and hn am an

r 20

L

o l i e t .

dddooo ; nd eh eqies pehps thit to

sixt seonds to be ompeted This wod be bound to use

sh neous imptiene in eve hmn being not lie m

self moe nd moe inventive in sing methods of defense, s

to me him ump out of his sin; fint ide of the nevos

unest used is pehps the exmple of Jdge o tehe

lws listening to mentll dl witness o sttteing

sho, who despite ll ttempts nnot lel get ot wht

he is sed o wnts to s

Pling the pino nd eding boos nd newsppes iss

f s the stte of m hed llowsm min defense, whih

mes even the most dwnot voies nl peish; t night

when this is not esil done o in dtime when the mind

eqies hnge of ouption sull fond ommitting

poems to memo suessful emed lent get numbe

of poems b het ptill Shile's blds long setionsof Shille's nd Goethe's dms, s well s is fom opes

nd humoous poems mongst othes fom Mx nd Moitz,

Stuwelpete nd Spete's fbles whih then eite in si

ene on the quiet vebtim Thei vue s poet ntull

does not mtte; howeve insignint the hmes, even ob

sene veses e woth thei weight in god s mentl nou

ishment omped with the teible nonsense m neves e

othewise foed to listen to

Even whie eiting poems hve to ombt diffiulties

whih t times ede thei effetiveness; miles imed tstteing m thoghts t on m nees nd me it im

possibe to nd the ontintion of poem lent b het; o

when the most pesistent inne voies hve t lst been si

ened b the eitl of longe poems nd hve ehed stte

of get soulvoluptuousness though union of ll s, the

lowe God stts the belowingmile until m so beth

ess tht I nnot ontinue eiting the poems even soft I m

theefoe foed to hnge the sstems muh in the sme w

203

EI l hikig


25/30

as xtrnal nw sstms ar ntnal start (b s

mniptn) t slw wn th attratn ras an prvnt

th nin all ras nssa r slp r mpt sul

vluptuusnss Rntl I un untin al p t a ar

ur rat hlp bt ths s natrall vr brin r an

lnth tm Whn svr bil pain sts n r prsstnt

bllwin urs th last rmann rm is swarin alu

whih I hav t asnal but whh I snrl hp

wl bm ss an ss nssar n utur

Al th abvsrb phnmna hav han in th

urs ars an ar still subt t han in ratin t

th r sulvuptuusnss prsnt at a ivn tm

an th istan t whih has withrawn Bt n th

whl th pritns I ma ars a bm trr vr

a th lwn xrpt rm ittl Stu XII in ntb

B, alra mntin in tnt 80 ma srv as pr:

1 6TH JANARY 98

"In th mantim that is t sa rin th ars r

as whh ma pass untl unmannn is mpt

th rtn ur pi is in nral lar Thee o

doubt whatee that things will becoe eaie u

wth ee ea ee da ee week, pssibl st

bas xpt whh ar nnt wth th at that

lswhr th nssar insht s an an wll pb-

abl nee ce about wn t th ranizatn

s ralms an th sharatr thrr wa -

rts wil alwas b ma t av th slutin whih is

in nsnan wth th Orr th Wr"

Baus ts v haratristi mann I must vt a

w mr rmars t th abvmntn qustin "Wh

u thn nt shit" hwvr nliat th subt ma b

r -2'

g

vrthin ls in m b th n t mpt ms is

as all rth b mirals ths is n b rin th s

in th bwl rwars smtims als bawars an whn

win t prvus vauatin thr is insint matrial

prsnt th smal rmnants in th bwl ar smar n m

basi. his mral nitat b th uppr is rpat

vr a at last svra zn tims It is nnt with th

ia whih is quit inmprhnsib r hman bins an

an nl b xplan b s mplt a nwl

th livn human bn as an ransm that "sh . " s t a

rtain xtnt th na at that is t sa whn th mirals

pru th ur t sh th a strin m rasn s

rah an s th pssibiit ar r a nal withrawal

th ras Trin t tra th rin this ia n mst as

sum sm misunrstanin th smb mann th

at atin naml that h wh ntr int a spia r-latinship t ivin ras as hav is t a rtain xtnt ntitl

t sh n al th wr

At th sam tim hwvr th whl pr th

pi nut twars m is lar Whnvr th n t

at is pru b miral sm thr prsn in m nv

rnmnt is snt t th lavatrb xitn th nrvs th

prsn nrnin rr t prvnt m rm mptn m

sl this I hav bsrv s rqntl thusans tms

an s rarl that n an xlu an thuht t bn

inin Th qstin "Wh thn nt sh " is

w b th apital answr "Baus I am smhw stp"

Th pn amst rsists writin wn th antast nnsns

97 In ung the een ped" it il ad be neea emn the

eae m peil develped iea te end Chape ; tnte 74

Chapte 1 p 1 3 Chapte 13 ading hich G at ad me n el-

deenealthgh Hi n makingand theee nide Himel abe

ee huan and mal nideatin

r -

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MEMO IR S Coninaio of e above;


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MEMO IR S

that God in His blindness and lack of knowledge of human

nature in fact goes so far that He assumes a human being coud

exist whosomething every anmal is capabe of dong

cannot sh . for sheer stupidity. When do empty myself

usualy in a bucket because almost always nd the lavatory

occupiedthis act is always combined with a very strong de

velopment of soulvoluptuousness. iberation from the pres-

sure of feces present in the guts creates an intense feeling of

wellbeing, particularly for the nerves of voluptuousness the

same happens when pass water. For that reason al rays have

always and without exception been united during evacuation

and passing water; and for this very reason, namely to avoid a

union of all rays, one attempts (usually unsuccessfully) to mir-

acle away the urge

r ,

26L J

1 7

Coninaio of e above;

"Pictring i the sense of

e sol-laguage

F R O M T H E A C e 0 U N T in the previous chapter, the

reader wll have ganed the impression that the tials to which

I am subjected by compulsve thinking have in many respects

far exceeded the measure of demands which are usualy made

on human capacity and human patence. o be quite truthful

must add that there were also moments whch at least occa

sonaly offered a kind of recompense for the wrong done me

Apart fom knowedge of supernatural matters gained n the

course of years which would not erase from my memory for

all the gold on earth I must also mention the mentally stimu

latng effect compusve thnking has had on me. Throwng

into my nerves unconnected conjunctions expressing causal or

other relatons ("Why only," "Why because" "Why because

I "Let it be then," "At east," etc.) forced me to ponder many

things usually passed over by human bengs, which made me

thnk more deeply. All human activty near me every view of

nature in the garden or from my window stirs certain thoughts

in me when then hear "Why only" or "Why because" spoen

r ,

207L J

M E O I R S Coninuation of h e above


27/30

M E O I R S

into my nerves I am foced or at east stimulated in immea-

surably greater degree than other human beings to contem

plate the reason or purpose behind them.

As one of many exampes while writing these lines a new

house is being built in the Asylum garden and a new stove

instaled in the oom adjoining mine Watching this work theidea automaticay arises: that man or various workmen are

now occupied in doing this o that; if simutaneously with

this thought a "And why" o "Why because" is spoken into

my nerves, I am unavoidably orced to give myse an account

of the reason and purpose of every single job Similar things

happened innumerable times in the couse of years reading

books and newspapes paticulaly stimuates new thoughts.

Being continually orced to trace the causal relation o every

happening every eeing, and every idea has given me gradu-

ally deepe insight into the essence o amost al naturaphenomena and aspects o human activity in art, science etc.

than is achieved by people who do not think it worth while

to think about odinary everyday occurrences. It is oten not

at al easy particularly in the case of sensations and feeings,

to account for easons ("But why" satisfactorily indeed most

often the question why is inept as for instance in such sen

tences as "This ose has a nice smell" or "This poem has

a beautifu poetical expression" or "This is a magnicent

painting" o "This piece of music is particulary meodious."

Nevertheless this question is stimuated in me by the voices

and moves me to think; but as I said before continual thinking

is too weaying and I have though slowly leant to exticate

mysef om it to some extent Of course he who believes in

the divine creation of the world can naturally always adduce as

the last cause of a things and happenings the eason "Because

God has created the wold." But between this fact and the indi-

vidual pocesses of ie there are innumeable intermediate

links which are emintly interesting to work out Stimuated

r .208

L

Coninuation of h e above .

by compulsive thinking I occupied myse a great deal with et

ymoogical questions which I must say had interested me in

alie days of health

Finally a very odinary event to illustrate the above I meet

a peson I know by the name of Schneider. Seeing him the

tought automatically arises "This mans name is Schneider"

o "This is M. Schneide." With it "But why" or "Why because"

aso esounds in my nerves In ordinary human contact the an-

swer would pobably be "Why! What a silly question, the

man's name is simpy Schneide" But my nerves were unabe

o almost unable to behave like this. Their peace is distubed

once the question is put why ths man should be Mr Schneider

o why he is called Mr Schneide. This very peculiar question

why" occupies my nerves automaticalyparticularly i the

question is repeated severa timesuntil their thinking is di-

verted in anothe direction My nerves pehaps answer rstWell, the mans name is Schneider because his father was also

caled Schneider. But this trivia answer does not eay pacfy

my nerves Another chain of thought starts about why giving

of names was introduced at all among people, its various forms

among different peopes at difeent times, and the various cir-

cumstances (pofession, origin, particula physica quaities,

etc.)

which gave rise to them. Thus an extremely simple ob-

sevation under the pressure of compusive thinking becomes

the starting point of a very considerable mental task usually

not without beaing fruit

Another interesting phenomenon connected with the ray

communicationthe real cause o compusive thinkingis

the socaled "picturing," which I have touched on earlie in

Chapter 5 Pehaps nobody but mysef, not even science,

knows that man retains all ecollections in his memory by

virtue of asting impressions on his nerves, as pictures in his

head. Because my inner nervous system is iluminated by rays,

these pictures can be voluntariy repoduced; this in act is the

r 209

O I S ua th abo


28/30

naur o pcurng. xprssd hs hough arlr n my

Ll Suds XX o 29h Ocobr 1898 n a drn orm:

o pcur n h sns o h soullanguag) s h con

scous us o h human magnaon or h purpos o pro

ducng pcurs prdomnanly pcurs o rcolcons n

ons had, whch can hn b lood a by rays By vvdmagnaon can produc pcurs o all rcollcons rom my

l, o prsons, anmas and plans, o al sors o objcs n na

ur and objcs o daly us, so ha hs mags bcom vs

bl hr nsd my had or wsh, ousd, whr wan

hm o b sn by my own nrvs and by h rays. can do h

sam wh wahr phnomna and ohr vns can or x-

amp l ran or l lghnng srhs s a parcularly

cv orm o pcurng, bcaus h wahr and parcu

larly lghnng ar consdrd by h rays mansaons o h

dvn g o mracls can also l a hous go up n smo

98 As e oninaion o he abovemenioned Lie Sdy wi deals w

pring in he hum sense may be o ineres i is appended hee

Piuring in he hum sense is e epesenaion o objes on a suae !in

onraisinion o oporeal, plas epresenaion whu l {in onra-

dsinon o paning o one ould aso say a panng is he proding o pi-

res in oo and espeay ethe mere cpyg awg om nare), a s

eprodung objes aaly seen in he oe worl i w hman mg-

t pays no par e eaion o piues represenng objes no ye eising

in he oue world, o eier prey arsi puposes represenaion o eay, ogive onesel an ohes pleasure o o praial prposes ha is in order o po-

e obes wih oespon o hese piues a moel, e pan o a buldng,

e) he aer impying mgt anasy derived rom VEJ Te er-

man wod [EbdugktJ iniaes leay e noion o someing engpu

he hea or no man awaeness wh is no pesen ouside hene aso

he erm o imagne someing ISchebde, Vguke or md imag-

naon onuing somehing p beore one's eyes opes, e) wih anno be re-

alzed bu is se as moe o inappropriae and wong aion

his lie sdy is naray eien in sye, bease I made hese noes when

I had no idea ha I mig eer wis o ommuniae s onens o oher peope.

r ,2 0

L

ua th abo

undr h wndow o my a, c. All hs nauraly only n my

magnaon, bu n a mannr ha h rays g h mprsson

ha hs objcs and phnomna rally xs. can also pc-

ur mysl n a drn plac, or nsanc whl playng h

pano s mysl a h sam m sandng n ron o a mr

rr n h adjonng room n mal ar; whn am lyng nbd a ngh can gv mysl and h rays h mprsson ha

my body has ma brass and a mal sxual organ; mn-

ond s gra mporanc and h rason or n Chap 13

Th pcurng o mal buocs on my body qui

al y has bcom such a hab ha do almos auo-

macally whnvr bnd down Pcurng n hs sns

may hror b calld a rvrsd mracl n h sam way as

rays hrow on o my nrvs pcurs hy would l o s s-

pcaly n drams, oo can n urn poduc pcurs or h

rays whch wan hm o s.H who has no xprncd wha hav canno orm any

da n how many ways h ably o pcur has bcom o

valu o m. has ruly on bn a consolaon and comor

n h unndng monoony o my drary l, n h mnal or-

urs surd rom h nonsnsca waddl o vocs Wha

gra joy o b abl o pcur agan n my mnds y rcolc-

ons o journys and landscaps, sommswhn h rays

bhav avorablywh such surprsng ahulnss and ru

coor ha boh mysl and h rays hav amos h xac m-

prsson o h landscaps wan o s agan as hy wr

acually hr

Whl wrng hs ns, am ampngby way o x-

prmno ma h shap o h Marhorn appar on h

horona h pon nar Drsbach rom whr h sum-

m rss so bauullyand can convnc mysl ha suc

cd up o a pon wh my ys closd or opn Smlarly

hav nnumrabl ms n h cours o yars sn shaps o

popl nw nr my room or wal abou n h gardn,

2 1 1L

MMIS Coninuaion of h ov


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"pictured hem whenever I wanted oseethem; or I gae shapetocartoons, whichIhadseen soewhere,paricularlyhumorousonesfromthe Fliegenden Blatter, etc. n sleepess nghts ofen ook revengeas itwerefor the rays' playwithmiracles,by conjurng up myself all sorts of shapes, serous or humorous, sensuously exciting or fearful, in my bedroom or in thecell theentertainment I obtainedin his way wasanessentialeans to conquer theothewise often unbearableboredom. Ioften accompany my pianopayingwiththe relevant"pictur-ing particuarlywhen Iplay pianoarrangements. can produceawhoe opera or parts of it by picturing in y mnd's eyehe wholecourse of the action,he characters, the scenery, etc.someties wth surprising viidness. As I osly hae deal-ingswithmracledbirds, sometimes enjoy myself by okinglypicturing for themhowtheywould appear whenbeing eaten

up by a cat, etc. Naturally picturng in this sense requiresconsiderable mental exertion, and y head ust be in fairlygood orderand Ingoodsprits; when these conditions prevailI can derie quite considerable pleasureif the intendedpicturessucceedfairlyaccuratey Apartfrommereentertanen, pic-turing" hasanother signicance hardly ess iporan. Seengpictures puries rays, as already mentioned in Chapter 1 1 ;they thenenter into e wihouther usual destructive force.For this reason atempts are regularly made by couneriracles to blot out what I have "pictured"; but I amusually

ictorious, andthe picuresremainvisible to me andthe raysfor as long as I exert my will, although admttedly they frequentlybecome less distinctor paler. Ihavealsoto picturewhen wanttopaythe p

Selection From Daniel Paul Schrebers Memoirs_Redacted

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