Seeing Light Through God's Light
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Transcript of Seeing Light Through God's Light
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7/30/2019 Seeing Light Through God's Light
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A lay sermon by Bezalie Bautista Uc-Kung
Seeing Light
through Gods LightNational City United Church
United Church of Christ in the Phi l ippines
December 16, 2012
Psalm 36:5-9
Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light. (NIV)
If youre born with a handicap
which continues to give you trouble now and then
even as an adult, and on top of that you discovered
that you have cancer, how would you feel?
Definitely, it was not a time for dancing, celebrating
life, or rejoicing. That wasnt a l ighted or illumined
period for me.
Instead, it was total darkness. I was devastated. My
world turned upside down and I found myself in abottomless pit with no way of escape. All of a sudden, my
dreams, longings, plans, appetite for life just faded
before me. I lost perspective. I lost my balance. I found
myself floating, without direction. I was fighting God,
reasoning out with Him, battling with Him. Why me,
Lord? Why does it always have to be me? Havent I
suffered enough? What else do you want from me?
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Nunc cursus magna quis
There was just too much emotional pain, the weight too
heavy to carry. But as I was wrestling with God, God gave
me enough strength not to stop reading His word. I needed
answers from Him for my questions, right? So where else
would I go but to His word?
No explanations came, however. No dramatic
revelations. No shining light coming down from Heaven so I
would clearly understand what was happening in my life.Instead, I received promises, words of comfort and
reassurances from the Bible:
Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am
your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold
you with my victorious right hand (Isaiah 41:10).
Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is the
Lord (Jeremiah 17:7).
Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age
(Matthew 28:20).
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in
trouble (Psalm 46:1).
When you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will
hear you (Jeremiah 29:12).
Do not fear, only believe (Mark 5:36).
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no
evil; for you are with me (Psalm 23:4).
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the
world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be
troubled nor let it be fearful (John 14:27).
These are only a few of the reassuring
words that I received from Godevery single
day. Day after day, during and after two
operations, and while having my
chemotherapy treatment, I felt Gods warm
embrace around mecalming my fears,
drying my tears, loving me, walking with me
in my pain, in my doubt, in my sorrow, in my
suffering every day, without fail.
My husband and I greatly felt Gods hand
guiding us throughout my journey from the
people to consult for crucial decisions at the
very start, to the choice of doctors to the
choice of hospital and so on. What James 1:5
says is true, If any of you is lacking in
wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously
and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you.
Even the financial provisions needed for thetreatment that could drain ones lifetime
savings, God supplied religiously, faithfully,
unfailingly. It was very clear that I was not
going to suffer alone. God unquestionably
was going to be with me every step of the
way. He will take care of me and my needs.
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Since it was going to be a long and difficult battle, I
needed to put my faith in the proper perspective
because I knew it was going to be tested over and over
and a faith foundation that is weak will be more
disastrous for me than the cancer itself. I needed to
see my trial from a biblical perspective for my own
peace of mind and so I could also help enlighten people
close to me who had started to doubt Gods wisdombecause of what was happening to me.
Recalling all that I have learned from the Bible and
reflecting on them, God helped me understand that we
live in a fallen world as a result of sin. Because the
Devil is still in the world, even Gods children are not
spared from the disaster that the Enemy creates. Yes,
especially Gods people.
Since the Evil One can no longer snatch us away
from God because we belong to God, the Devil delights
in shaking our faith and causing us to doubt God. Does
God cause His people to suffer? Yes. When His chosen
people the Israelites doubted and questioned God, and
worshipped idols, He brought plagues upon His people
so He could demonstrate His power and make them
return to Him. Not all sufferings though are from God
and not all sufferings are because of sin. Does God
allow the Devil to test us? Yes as the life of Job shows
us. That the Devil has to ask for Gods permission
shows God is in control. He is sovereign. Nothing
happens in this world that is outside of Gods divine
will for each of us. We will never understand
completely for His ways are higher than our ways and
His thoughts than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). But oneconsolation is that (Psalm 103:14): He knows what we
are made of; he remembers that we are dust. He will
not test us beyond our limits. And that nothing can
ever separate us from the love of God: neither death
nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor
things present nor things to come, nor height nor
depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to
separate us from the love of God which is in Christ
Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39). Yes, not even
cancer.
Truly Gods word is a lamp to our feet and a
light to our path (Psalm 119:105). Slowly but
surely, Gods light started to penetrate my
sorrowful, grieving heart. As the psalmist
expressed in the biblical reference we read earlier:
In your light we see light. In His light, I saw light.
In Gods light, I found guidance, enlightenment. It
was not a one-shot deal when you will understand
everything all at once; rather, tiny glimpses of His
presence to make it through each day. It was not a
one-time supply of feeling okay for the whole
ordeal. Rather, its a conscious moment by
moment decision to surrender to His holy will:
choosing hope rather than despair, allowing Gods
peace to prevail over my confusion, walking in
Gods light rather than being swallowed up by
darkness, moment by moment, over and over
every day, oftentimes while enduring the
discomforts, while my spirit was down and sad,
while I was physically weak and lacking in energy.
Breath prayers said by the heart rather than by thelips.
The chemotherapy treatment can bring out all
the demons inside you. With the poison/toxin
slowly invading every nook and corner of your
being, its like losing your sanity. I dont really mind
losing hair, my nails turning black, losing weight,
nausea, vomiting, weird taste buds; its the way
the poison affects my mental and emotional
health. There was one time when I was going in
circles inside my room, much like an anxiety or
panic attack. Paikot ikot, pupunta CR, babalik sakama tatayo uli after a few seconds, at pupunta uli
sa CR, then back to bed. Paulit ulit, pabalik balik
habang hilong hilo, di malaman ang gagawin.
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I must admit that in those times of extreme anguish, I asked God to simply take my life.
Ayoko na, Lord. Di ko na kaya. Kunin Mo nalang ako.
Just recently, I again encountered in my devotional reading Jesus Christs Agony in the
Garden of Gethsemane. In the Matthew passage (Matthew 26:36-46), Jesus was described
as SORROWFUL AND TROUBLED. In other versions, it says Jesus was AGITATED AND
DISTRESSED. In fact, he verbalized it and said to His disciples, My soul is very sorrowful,
even to death (v. 38). O wow, pareho kami ni Jesus? Three times He prayed to the Father,
bargaining with Him: First time, He prayed, My Father, kung puede, alisin mo nalang ang
suffering ko pero Ama, hindi ang gusto ko kung hindi ang gusto Mo ang masusunod.
Second time, Jesus prayed again the same prayer, Kung hindi talaga puede Ama, susunod
ako sa kagustuhan Mo. Third time, He
prayed again the same thing. Each time
after praying, He went back to His
disciples to check on them. He was
going back and forth, paikot-ikot din si
Jesus, the weight of the coming ordeal
heavy on Him; He was physically,
emotionally and mentally anguishedjust as I had been.
What a comfort to know that the
God who journeys with me in my pain
totally understands because He too has
been there. And just like Jesus I needed
to come to a point of surrender to the
Fathers holy will. It took me sometime
to finally say to God, Okay God, I
surrender to your plan for me. I dont
understand why I have to go through
this. But I know you are in control. I donot completely understand your purpose for it, but give me the grace to endure. Please
dont ever let go of me.
I needed to understand about Gods healing. I have not at that point understood it. If I
pray so hard without doubting, will God heal me? What if He doesnt, does that mean I have
no faith or my faith is weak? How do I respond to well-meaning people who tell me that
God has healed me? Again it was not by accident that I happened to turn on DZAS at the
time a book about healing was being announced. That book by Dr. Harold Sala helped me
understand that God is still in the healing business today but that Gods concept of healing
is not how we humans understand it and that it is His choice either to heal the sick
supernaturally, or with the use of doctors and medicines in what is called integrative
healing, or to heal redemptivelyhealing in the life beyond.
Has God healed me completely? My husband and I claim it every day. Does that mean
my cancer will not come back? We pray it wont. If it comes back, does God love me less?
No, its part of Gods divine plan for me. Knowing that and believing in Gods sovereignty,
will it be easier for me this time in handling another cancer trial? Not necessarily. Im sure it
will be as or even more emotionally painful. I know I will again question God, wrestle with
God, reason out with Him. I know I will again go through a myriad of emotions which include
hopelessness, depression, helplessness . . . But I have complete confidence that God
understands how I feel. My doubts do not change His love for me. My questions do not
drown Him. I am precious in His sight. Just feel the substance of this passage in Psalm 139:
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O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything
about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know
my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of
me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you
know where I am. You know what I am going to say even
before I say it, LORD. You both precede and follow me. You
place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too great for me to know! I can never escapefrom your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I
go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of
the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I
dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide
me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the
darkness to hide me and the light around me to become
nightbut even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the
night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike
to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and
knit me together in my mother's womb. . . . You saw me before
I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are
innumerable! I can't even count them; they outnumber the
grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, you are still
with me!
Once youre hit with cancer, you will never be the same
again. It could make you a bitter or a better person. I choose
the latter. You also acquire a greater sensitivity of
Gods presence every day. You become more
appreciative of each brand-new day, and His fresh
supply of steadfast love and mercies every morning.
Your priorities change. Daily, cancer reminds me that I
am not a citizen of this world; I am just passing
through, a pilgrim here on earth. So I celebrate life
while I can without losing my focus on the life beyond.Daily, I am learning to put my energies on things that
have eternal value. Every day, moment by moment, as
God provides the grace, I am learning to surrender to
His divine purpose, trying to live my life in a way that is
pleasing to Him.
My God watches over me
24/7. I am never lost in His
sight. How can I be alone
in my suffering?
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On this blessed truth,
I put my heart at rest.
I claim 1 Peter 5: 10 which says "And after you have suffered a
little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal
glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and
establish you." Yes, In His time, God will make all things beautiful.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I
know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully
known (I Cor. 13:12).
I dont know what is in Gods mind as far as my future is
concerned. And I dont think He will ever show me the complete
picture. All I know is that I have chosen to trust Him no matter
what, knowing full well that the God who walks with me every day
loves me so much and that He will cause all things to work
together for good to those who love God and are called according
to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
Having received Gods light, my prayer is that even
my suffering will serve Him, and my experience will show
others the way to the true Light of the world, Jesus Christ. I
know that it is only possible with full surrender, moment bymoment, as a choice of the will rather than by mere
feelings or emotions.
As the old hymn goes, Many things abouttomorrow I don't seem to understand. But I know who
holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand.
Graphic design by:
Loree Cruz-Mante