Secure and Sensible Relations

8/14/2019 Secure and Sensible Relations

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Content

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%o)ing 2elationships555555.

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Enduringrelationships...........................39

:ealth'relationships5555555..........36

Belonging2elationships555555555;9

:ea)enl'2elationships555555555..;3

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Conclusion5.555555555555..555;6

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0reface

- ha)e gone through this boo" whichhass a message to students and 'ounggraduates. s the world is messing uprelationships and hurting in the process* thisboo" is will eplain the biblical truths ofconcerning relations.

- pra' that the reader of this boo" willunderstand the truth behind the health'relationships and God=s purpose for them.

This boo" gi)es a clear picture of /ating and%i)einrelationships -t also spea"s abouthealth' relationshipswhich God wants e)er'human to follow to be blessed and fruitful*

There is a chapter on di)orce and remarriagetoo. ?inall' it gi)es steps to help peoplemaintain health' relations and understandingChrist=s role in o)ercoming temptations andtrails which are on our path.

relationship is an emotionalconnection between people. That means 'ou

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can=t be the onl' one wanting therelationship. The )ital components that ma"ea relationship successful are respect* caring*

commitment and treating marriage li"e apartnership instead of romantic fantas'. %o)eand respect are meant to be earned from ourchildren* our spouses* our families and ourfriends.

There is a sa'ing b' ?redric"ietscheA-t=s not a lac" of lo)e* but a lac" offriendship that ma"es unhapp' marriages-t=s true that lac" of understanding betweenthe partnerslead to brea" ups. 0urit' in heartand mind also helps to maintain and de)elopa health' relationship. e ha)e a choice to

ma"e in this world.. to ha)e filth' or health'relationships.

Campusboo"s are so gratified to 2e) , $ano"aran for gi)ing permission to ta"e fewchapters forms his boo" AChrist & families:

strong families for globaltransformation to include in this Boo". Thefirst fi)e chapters of this boo" are b'Rev J !anokaran and last two chapters i.e.*:ea)enl' 2elationships and Conclusion arewritten b' Bro" # John $himothy.

D $ar'

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-ntroduction 'oung man is interested in a girl and fell

in lo)e with her. But he is unable tocommunicate his feelings with her. :eshares his inner longings with his friend* who

de)ises a wa' to bring her to him for alunch. The bo' and girl are alone. )ercomeb' lust and passion and he rapes the girl. -nmodern parlance it could be called F/aterape=. Then he re&ects her and also hates herwith the same intensit' of his Flo)e= for her.

This is an adapted )ersion of -- #amuel 31 3;3. The )ictim of was Tamar and the rapistwas mnon.

mnon thought he was in lo)e withTamar* but he was interested in her bod' notin her. :e had infatuation rather than truelo)e. #econd* :e did not ha)e respect orregard for her as a woman* but desiredherher ph'sicall'. :e was not loo"ing for a

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relationship is possible onl' within marriageand with one person onl'. That means se ishol' within the contet of marriage and sin

outside marriage.

%o)ing 2elationships

%efinition1 /ating is an' social acti)it'underta"en b' two people with the aim ofeach assessing the otherIs suitabilit' as their

partner in an intimate relationship or as aspouse. The word refers to the act of meetingand engaging in some mutuall' agreed uponsocial acti)it'. Traditional dating acti)itiesinclude entertainment or a meal.

%ating is not physical relationship1/ating is a social acti)it' and it is donegenerall' in public places li"e restaurants or

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par"s. -t does not happen in pri)ate roomsand homes. -t is the time to tal" with oneanother to understand the other person. -n

the postmodern culture* dating has beendegraded into ph'sical relationship* which isnot good for 'oung people to rush into.

%ating is to understand one another1There are se)eral areas both should tr' to

understand. ?oremost* one needs to "nowthe attitude of a person towards )ariousaspects of life* which includes religious life*spiritualit'* career* mone' etc. lso figureout the breadth and depth of the thin"ing ofa person. -s the person narrowminded orbroadmindedJ /oes she ha)e pre&udices

that ma' affect 'our relationshipJ -s theperson is a prisoner of the past or futureorientedJ hat are the li"es and disli"esKchoices and preferencesK hobbies andhabitsJ hat is the communication st'leJ

%ating is to determine the possibilityof commitment1 hen a personunderstands general aspects of anotherperson* then she could eplore whether thisrelationship could ha)e long termcommitment. Dnowing the other person=sstrengths and wea"ness* li"e and disli"es*etc. 'ou can determine whether there couldbe commitment to one another. Can - trustthis person with m' whole lifeJ

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%ating is to decide on marriage1 -f

'ou are sure that 'ou could understand that

person=s intentions* lifest'le* thin"ing patternand attitude and determine to trust 'our lifewith himher* then 'ou can ta"e the netstep. The net step is to thin" and commitfor marriage.

Enduring relationships

-n the modern world* di)orces ha)e becomecommon especiall' among the 'oungergeneration. -t is )er' painful to see man''oung men and women go through thisemotional suffering. ?ew are able to cope andstart life fresh and man' ha)e permanentsetbac"s in their li)es. There is an increase in

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the number of di)orces among Christians inthe southern states* esp in the cities ofChennai* Tri)andrum* :'derabad and

Bangalore. There are also reports fromamong on 2esident -ndians that di)orcesare common. :ow should we respond to thissituationJ

E)en in -ndia Ftrial marriages= or Fli)ein

relationship= are becoming common. Loungcouples want to eperiment before gettingmarried as the' see this is better than adi)orce in future. The $aharashtraGo)ernment is planning to ma"e thisarrangement legal.

Case study: :ere is a real incidentK a 'oungperson who came to Christ from another faithwas married with a girl from a so calledFspiritual church=. This marriage wassolemnied b' two globall' popular pastors.ithin twent' da's both families were in the

police stationand later the' fought a bitterdi)orce case in the famil' court. ow at theage of 9 he is a di)orced man. hat is thefuture of this bo'J #hould he remain singlefor the net 9 'earsJ God does not wantman to be alone.

bstain from marriage (celibac'! is aneception permitted b' the scriptures to a

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)er' few who ha)e the Fgift= to Fcontain= thisburning* or perhaps are not pressed with theurge to marr'. The apostle 0aul claimed to

ha)e this gift from God. ?rom )erse ;8* ;M ofthis chapter we can understand that thesuggestions of abstinence found in 3 Cor Nwere gi)en onl' in the prospect of imminenttribulation and the time being short. #incethat situation changed 0aul writing later to

Timoth' clearl' warns that forbidding tomarr' in order to please Go* or to attainspiritual ob&ecti)es ma' be the doctrine of/e)ils (3 Timoth' 613!

'(ive)in*relationship* a man and a womanli)ing together without marriage is sin beforeGod. #uch relationships are based neither ona co)enant nor a legal commitmentK eitherpartner being at libert' to discontinue theirassociation at will and mo)e on. This resultsin illegitimate children* further compoundedb' single or foster parenting* both of which

seriousl' undermine God=s will (0ro)erbs413438!.

Pre)marital relationships are fornication*and children born out of such relationshipsare bastards* for the' are concei)ed out of

wed loc" (:eb 316!.

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and internet traffic* we should be careful inour use of phones and webenabled de)ices.E)en if we=re not seting* we still face the

problems of identit' theft and data pri)ac'.

gainst $heir nature:oman against hernature1 OE)en their women echangednatural relations for unnatural onesO (2omans31;7;N!.%esbianism is described as women

echanging natural relations (with men! forunnatural relations (with women!. -t ise)idence that Athe sinful desires of theirhearts to seual impurit' for the degrading oftheir bodies with one another (2omans31;6!.

ga' or lesbian who acti)el' perpetuall'*and unrepentantl' li)es an unnatural lifest'leis not trul' a Christian. :e lost his testimon'.:e won=t be suitable for public ministr'.

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:ealth' relationships

$he ,deal: A?or this reason a man will lea)ehis father and mother and be united to his

wife* and the' will become one flesh. Theideal marriage is a lifelong co)enantrelationship between a man and a womanbased on lo)e* sacrifice and ser)ice. But* inthe sinful world* an ideal marriage seems tobe a mirage for man'. Though there are

man' successful stories* there are failuresand unhealth' relationships.

e should be proacti)e to gi)e importance to0remarital counseling* instead of ha)ing tointer)ene with counseling and reconciliationwhen the marriage is under crisis. The

importance of premarital counseling hasbeen gra)el' underestimated or wrongl'addressed. -n premarital counseling we

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need to address )arious issuesK wh' should -marr'J Dnowing GodIs will* how to choose apartnerJ * concerns o)erdowr' etc.

$he Practice: -n the older generation*husband and wife li)ed together e)en thoughthere were differences of opinion or conflicts.ne of the reasons was the women did notwor" and were solel' dependent on the

husband and di)orce was not an economicpossibilit'. #econd* there was social stigmaas the blame alwa's rested on the woman.

The men could easil' get married again andnot women. Third* women suffered andendured all humiliation for the sa"e of thechildren.

But the 'ounger generation is different. The'are better educated* ha)e capacit' to ta"ebold decisions* and are well informed andaware of their constitutional rights.Generall'* girls li"e to be professionall'

+ualified and establish a career e)en beforemarriage. #o* the' need not be economicall'dependent on husband* and are selfreliant.ith globaliation and urbaniation the socialstigma is urban areas is absent. #elfreliantwomen are respected for their courage and

ha)e managed to li)e as single woman ormarried again. The children also ha)e

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spouse and famil' is also considered breachof one bod' principle.

Reconciliation: 2econciliation is a processthat could be ta"en up b' the spousesthemsel)es. -f there is an attitude ofrepentance and humilit'* one can as"forgi)eness from theother and the spousecan graciousl'forgi)e and forget. 2epeatedl'

ma"ing the mista"e and as"ing forforgi)eness will brea" an' relationship.2econciliation fails if one person is adamant*stubborn or egocentric. :usband belie)e in-ndian culture rather than scripture and the'do not see the need for see"ing forgi)enessfrom the wife. The attitude is1 :usband isalwa's right and the wife is alwa's to beblamed.

-f reconciliation between the couple does notwor"* the' could call the elders in the famil'to help them. $ature elderl' relati)es* who

are concerned about the couple=s welfarecould inter)ene and facilitate the process ofreconciliation. But* if elders ta"e a partialstand then it would worsen the situation* asboth would harden their positions.

#ometimes a professional counselor or pastorcould be in)ited to help. This is possible inbig cities where Christian counselors are

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constant tension of fear* doubt* suspicion*aniet' and abuse. :ome that has to pro)idesafet'* peace and &o' becomes a nightmare*

see"ing the best wa' out is wisdom. hen alloptions are ehausted* then di)orce ma' beinitiated.

.ictim or ggressor There is amisconception that one who files or initiates

the di)orce is the aggressor and the other isthe )ictim. #ometimes a )ictim of abusi)erelationship ma' file di)orce petition toprotect hisher life. That is done in selfdefense rather than as aggressi)e act. Thedi)orce proceedings could be initiated asaggressi)e act or as selfprotection act.#ometimes di)orce could be obtained b'mutual consent. Both at least agrees to endthis incompatible relationship and file fordi)orce. /i)orcees and idowsers

Those who ha)e di)orced or lost their spouse

ha)e an option to remain single or getmarried again. 0aul suggests that remainingsingle is a good option. But he does notdisallow remarriage. ?or the sa"e ofcompanionship* rising up children* d'namicsocial life and e)en ministr'* marr'ing again

would be preferable.

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Belonging Relationships

fter di)orce or separation or death of apartner we ma' be planning to enter into a

new relationship.

ccept: #elfacceptance as God created usin :is image and died on the cross of Cal)ar'is an important step in the process ofentering a new relationship. 2ight selfmage*trustand honest' are needed for an' health'relationship.

ccept forgiveness: s"ing forgi)enessfrom the %ord and forgi)ing oneself is thenet step. Though M9R of blame ma' rest onthe other spouse* see"ing forgi)eness from

the %ord would be a good* health' andspiritual eercise. This relationship should bebased on transformation that has happenedthrough %ord ,esus Christ i.e e/ Creation.

Be Pragmatic lso* it would be wise to be

pragmatic in eecuting this new relationship.3. :andling pre)ious memoriessentiments ;.:andling children . :andling finances and

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assets. -n these areas there should be clearwritten understanding.

Remarriage: #ome /enominations ha)e astrict discipline that remarriages cannot besolemnied while some are open to the idea.

There is a great need for the leaders to thin"and wor" out a creati)e solution. -t need notbe according to traditions or trends but

creati)e scriptural solution.

Creative solution: 0irst* ac"nowledge thefact there is a problem in the families. $an'Christians den' that the famil' is underattac".

Secondly1find biblical principles for famil'.$ost follow the dominant culture practices.:ow man' would declare that the' would notsolemnie marriage if there is dowr'transactionJ :ow man' would proacti)el'interfere if there is domestic )iolenceJ :ow

man' teach 'oung men that their priorit' iswife not motherJ #cripture teaches for bo' toemotionall' detach from famil' and &oins hiswife. But culture teaches girl to forget herhome and &oin the husband=s famil'. :owman' teach the truth concerning marriage

and the will of GodJ

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:ol' 0lace or :ol' of :olies in the Temple* for

:e was of the "ingl' tribe ,udah. But now he

is a priest after a better "ind* The Arder of

$elchisede" not one of a succession of

d'ing men as aron was* but an e)er li)ing

priest (:eb ;13NK 6136K 71;9K N13N!.

Our great -igh priest makesintercession for us priest is one who

goes into God=s presence for others and

ministers the blessings of the co)enant to :is

people. e need no other priestK our case is

safe in :is hands. :e is the one who "eeps usb' intercession (:eb N1;6;8! and help. e

need e)er' da' AGrace to help and this :E

gi)es us from the throne of Grace (:eb 6136

37!.

The following ten points can be learnt b'heart so that we can en&o' the wor" of the

Christ as 0riest. 3! :is priest hood is to "eep

the belie)er from falling (:eb N1;4! ;! :is

priest hood is for a time of period our

temptations and infirmities (:eb 613437! !:is intercession as a priest is that we might

beha)e well ( %u"e ;;1;! 6! :e is priest

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with God (:eb ;13NK N1;4! 4! s a priest he

s'mpathies in our wea"nesses and

infirmities (:eb ;13N38K :eb 613437! 7! s a

priest it is :is life on high that sa)es the

belie)er from falling into sin (2omans

4139K:eb N1;4! N! -n connection with his

priest hood :is ser)ice is called O?aithful and

mercifulO (:eb ;13N! 8! :is wor" as :igh

priest interceding for us is continuous. O:e

e)er li)eth to ma"e intercession for usO (:eb

N1;4!. M! in time of temptations and trial* the

belie)er goes to :im as :is :igh priest to find

help (:eb N1;4! 39! Because of :is wor" as a

:igh priest* the belie)er can come boldl' to

the throne of grace to find merc' and grace

to :elp (:eb 613437

s an dvocate -e

restores us

-e is our dvocate (3 ,ohn ;13;! hen his

people sin :e pleads for them that on the

ground of :is finished wor" sin shall not be

laid to their charge. The' ha)e the :ea)enl'father=s forgi)eness for :is name=s sa"e (3

,ohn 31MK Eph 61;!.

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The following ten points can be learnt b'

heartto en&o' the wor" of the Christ as

d)ocate. 3! :is d)ocac' is to restore the

belie)er if he fails (%u"e ;;173! ;! :is

d)ocac' is for a time of failure and sin (3

,ohn ;13;! ! :is intercession as an

d)ocate begins when the belie)er doesn=t

beha)e well (3 ,ohn ;13;! 6! :e is an

ad)ocate with the father* -f sin entered into

belie)er relationship is still as father (3 ,ohn

;13;! 4! s an ad)ocate :e grie)es o)er our

sin (%u"e ;;173! 7! s an d)ocate he stands

before the father on the grounds of

0ropitiation he made once and fore)er (3

,ohn ;13;! N! -n regard to d)ocac'* God is

O,ust and ?aithfulO* God wont demand again a

price again as Christ alread' paid for it (3

,ohn ;13;! 8! :is wor" as d)ocate is

intermittent* it starts with the fall of sin to the

confession of sin (3 ,ohn ;13;K 3 ,ohn 31M! M!

-n case of a belie)er sinning* :e cannot go on

his wn* Christ ad)ocac' ma"es him to

2eco)er ( %u"e ;;173! 39! Because of ChristIs

ad)ocac' * a belie)er comes bac" and

repents (3 ,ohn 31M

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ConclusionSource of temptations: Temptations

originate from 3! with in us (,ames 3136! %ust

drawn awa' b' the e)il desires of our own

hearts* or in)ited b' the /e)il to do wic"edl'.The flesh is the lusting of our own bodil'

desires called often Abesetting sin* the

in)itation to gratif' the bod' rather than

control and use it right (3 Cor M1;N! ;! /a'*

where we are li)ing is e)il Ephesians 4137.The' do not come from God* ,ames 313. God

allowed #atan to tempt ,ob (,ob 318K 3 peter

418* M!. The world allures us to li)e for

passing things in the indulgence of self and

neglecting of the will of God (3 ,ohn ;1343N!$emptation in both senses is the

common lot of every man (3 Cor 3913!.

nl' ,esus was eempt from an' lust* for Ain

:im was no sin. Both are of ser)ice of us.

God tries or tests our faith* for untried things

are of little )alue* and the conflict with sin

within and without will continue as part of the

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disciple of life until we die or are ta"en to be

with the %ord. -t is an opportunit' of +uitting

li"e men in battle.

$emptations /ill never be too strong for

the child of #od /alking spiritually (3

Cor 3913! :e ma' alwa's sa' 2, can3 and

ne)er sa' 2, Can*t3 ?or God has promised

that :is grace is sufficient.

$emptations must be resisted in the

thought and not merely in the act"

Thin"ing e)il is li"e soa"ing rags in gasoline*

the first spar" of temptation sets them

ablae. The A%ust begins in the mind and if

indulged brings forth sin (,ames 3134!

therefore mortif' ("ill! the motions of sin in

the bod' and bring e)er' thought into

obedience into Christ (-- Cor 3914K 2omans

813!.

$o resist temptation one must be strong

in the (ord"To neglect Bible reading* pra'er

and other means of grace and strength is to

become wea" and open to attac" and to be

easil' defeated. Therefore* gi)e importance

pra'er and Bible 2eading.

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$o resist besetting sin one must /alk by

the Spirit" This is the Asecret of

o)ercoming sin. AThis - sa' then* wal" b' the

spirit and 'e shall not fulfill the lusts of the

flesh (Galatians 4137!

bstaining from sin is the great remedy"

o half measure will do. n'

eceptionswea"ens the whole warfare.

Therefore A#in not (3 ,ohn ;13!

$o resist the $emptationsone must "now

will of god ($athew 61333! P A/e)il %eft

:im. The de)il see"s to undermine our

confidence in Christ and :is word. :e is the

rch %iar and murders men b' e)il

suggestion. :e is o)ercome b' the word of

God. A-t is written was the weapon ,esus

used to defeat. ATransformed b' renewing of

mind (2omans 3;13;!* A#word of the spirit*

which is the word of God (Ephesians 713N!*

A#et 'our mind on proper things (Colossians

1;!* ADeep watching and pra'ing ($athew

;7163!* A/o not mimic the wa' the world

does (0ro)erbs 613634!* ATa"e a drastic

measure ($athew 41;M!. nother area

where we can control is our thoughts* tongue

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hat a man is* is important K the actions and

words follow naturall' from his state. good

tree brings forth good fruit.

(et your heart delight itself in the (ord

and occupied with hol' thingsK be the

companion of good men* and the thoughts*

tongue and temper will learn the secrets of

God and be under the grace of :is spirit.

e ha)e man' eamples of foll' of passion.

e ha)e stories of aomi who left -srael and

went to $oab* a lost sheep and a 0rodigal

son. mong "ings we ha)e 0haraoh* #aul*

hab* Belshaar* ebuchadnear and :ere*

all of them lost selfcontrol and acted madl'

and wic"edl'.

e ha)e good eamples li"e ,oseph* ,oshua*

,ob* /aniel* Christ* Cornelius* #tephen and

man' others.

Belie)e in %ord ,esus Christ he will ma"e 'our

life beautiful.

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bout the boo"

The boo" A#ecure and #ensible 2elationship

is based on Biblical principles of

relationships. -t helps people to understand

health' and unhealth' relationships. -t

spea"s finding Biblical principles in dating*

marriage* di)orce and remarriage. -t

answeres Questions li"e.. -s /ating DJ*

hat about remarriageJ .

Secure and Sensible Relations

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Transcript of Secure and Sensible Relations