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what the opposing team wants you to do when, five plays later, they run the same thing

but drag a Tight End behind you for a shallow pass and 15-yard gain.

All of this happens with the heat of bubbling adrenaline that accelerates when you defeat

the odds. When, after months of training and a near lifetime of perfecting, recognizing

and reacting in this great game, it all comes togetherthis play. Thirty seconds later, youput it all in on the line again.

I met him exactly three times since my days at USC. He seemed happy and cool. We

never talked long; the last time he said that he had seen me on TVlike he wasnt on

every weekend. I thought that was strange.

I can imagine that there are many reasons people kill themselves. I would guess that 90%

of the time, unhappiness has a lot to do with it. I have lost at least one close friend to

suicide. But he didnt play pro Football nor was he a millionaire and hero to thousands of

kids. So it should be more complicated in Seaus case, right? In our culture, especially

today in such a locked-down economy, money and fame should be lifes panacea. In fact,

a whole subculture of dysfunction voyeurism has blown up behind that fallacy: that

acting crazy will get you paid and keep you sane.

But playing for USC put me in contact with a few men who went on to play in the NFL

and had to give up the game in their 20s and 30s. And they all, to a man, shared some

kind of dip in their spirits.

Moreover, depending on who you are, the dip might be a valley. Terry Bradshaw talked

about post-game anxiety and depression. About how, after a game and once the action

stopped, he felt empty. Even after winning Super Bowls.

This may explain why men, with more money than they need, continue to put already

battered bodies on the slab for dissection. Why an awkwardly mobile Brett Favre would

continue to take hikes and run plays with all the grace of a drunken horse barely able to

round a bend while young and hungry wolfish Linebackers hunted him down. It would

explain why a twice-in-the-neck-surgery(ed) Payton Manning, with tremendous

personality and huge potential post-career announcer acumen, would suit up again. Even

though a doctor can cheerlead about the mundane effects of herniated disc neck surgery,

its still a neck injury.

And Payton still plays in the NFL.with young Seaus lurking everywhere.

I love the game but maybe we should try and uncover what happens when they have to

stop. Literally. When they have to sit and deal with themselves alone. No team. No

crowds. No whistles. Maybe we should sit down with Vets (from college on up) and their

families and askwhat happened to you when it was over? Did you have mental

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problems? How did you get past them? Bradshaw, Walker, Williams say that they didnt

know what was happening. Is that it? Anguish is just a silent partner playing with you in

the NFL?

So far eight players from that illustrious Chargers team of 94 have died. All too young.

Some will claim curse. Some will postulate unfounded theories that Seau may have hadhead trauma or even post-steroid depression. Or that he was in a personal and individual

tailspin as evidenced by domestic problems and a suspicious vault he took on October 18,

2010, when he drove his SUV down a rolling cliff in Carlsbad, California. Some will say,

To hell with this.

I dont know. But this makes one wonder how many NFL players are chasing a dream or

running just ahead of their depression. Yet, if we never attempt to find out, this might go

down in some log that Junior Seau retired and thenonly did what was expected of him.

I hope not. Rest In Peace.

-brandonbowlin