The Long Path to Inter-Country AdoptionThe Long Path to Inter-Country Adoption

L I Z P E T E RL I Z P E T E RSearching for our Angel is a very honest overview of inter-country

adoption that sadly, too many Australian adoptive parents experience.

This book will help prospective adoptive parents and be enjoyed by all

who are inspired by the power of love and human endeavour”.

Searching for our Angel is a very honest overview of inter-country

adoption that sadly, too many Australian adoptive parents experience.

This book will help prospective adoptive parents and be enjoyed by all

who are inspired by the power of love and human endeavour”.

—Janine Weir, Adoptive Parent, Adoption Advocate—Janine Weir, Adoptive Parent, Adoption Advocate

SHORT STOP PRESSAn Imprint of A&A Book Publishingadmin@aampersanda.comwww.aampersanda.com

First published 2010Text © Liz Peter 2010

This book is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under theCopyright Act 1968 and subsequent amendments, no part may bereproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means orprocess whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publishers.

Cover design, typesetting and ebook versioning by David Andor / Wave Source Design www.wavesource.com.au

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:

Author: Peter, Liz. Title: Searching for our angel : the long path to inter-country

adoption / Liz Peter.ISBN: 9780980739947 (pbk.) Subjects: Peter, Liz. Adoption—Australia—Biography.

Intercountry adoption—Australia—Biography. Childlessness—Australia—Biography.

Dewey Number: 362.734

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would like to thank Darryn for his love,support, friendship and his integrity over theyears. Without him, I would not be the personI am today. Without him, we would not haveour angel. You are my rock! And I love you.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

1. Discovering Infertility. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

2. Initial IVF Treatments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

3. Learning About Adoption . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

4. Choosing Countries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

5. Donor Egg IVF Treatment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

6. Adoption Agency Family Assessment Report . . . . 19

7. Donor Egg Transfer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

8. Family Assessment Report Inaccuracies . . . . . . . . . 27

9. Rejection of Our Adoption Application. . . . . . . . . 29

10. Preparing the Dossier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33

11. Experiencing the Indian Adoption Process. . . . . . . 37

12. The Adoption Nightmare . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

13. Dual Australian and Thai Adoption Applications . 51

14. A Glimmer of Hope from India . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

15. More Police Checks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

16. The Hard Road of the Australian Born Children Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65

17. Great News from the Thai Adoption Agency . . . . 71

18. Preparing the Paperwork and Welcome Album . . . 79

19. Disastrous Medical Diagnosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83

20. The Waiting Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

21. Holidaying in Phuket . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

22. Rangsit Home for Boys. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109

23. Our First Day with Samuel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119

24. Getting to Know Samuel. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127

25. Thai Adoption Board: Final Official Business . . . 135

26. Medical Check-up for Samuel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141

27. The Long Flight Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147

28. Settling In . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

29. Developing a “Normal” Family Routine . . . . . . . 163

30. Learning Parenting Lessons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 171

31. Adjusting and Growing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175

32. More Bureaucratic Frustration . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 181

33. Application for Number Two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185

34. Adopting Samuel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189

35. Adjusting and Bonding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191

36. Starting School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197

37. Samuel’s Adoption Life Journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201

Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205

Appendix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 209

Searching for Our Angel, The Long Path to Inter-CountryAdoption is the remarkable true story about thecomplicated and emotional process of adoption.

When first commencing the adoption process, it wasrecommended that Darryn and I start a “journal of ourjourney” that we could share with our newly adoptedchild on its arrival. The following five years ofgovernment bureaucracy, emotional heartache and puredetermination have been documented in that journal.

Had we not desperately wanted a child, or not had thestrength in our relationship, or the determination tosucceed, we would have succumbed to despair a long timeago. Despite the obstacles, our sheer persistence anddetermination to keep fighting the system has finallyenabled us to adopt our angel.

The adoption process in Australia is a long,complicated and bureaucratic process. The laws relating

Introduction

to adoption have been implemented to protect thechildren and are warranted, to a certain degree. However,the process is delivered by a government sector that isoverworked, undervalued and dispassionate. Humanemotion has been replaced by statistics and bureaucraticred tape, adding the unnecessary heartache andemotional turmoil to the adoption process that is notwarranted.

Owing to the current state of the adoption process,coupled with the public’s naivety of exactly how muchhard work and emotion is involved, I felt compelled tocapture our journey of adoption and share it with others.

2 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

Having been in and out of typically unsatisfactoryrelationships throughout my late teens and early twenties,I was adamant that I did not want children. I believed thatsince I could not manage my own life, I would beincapable of managing and guiding a small child’s life.Not only that, the men I had been dating were unlikely tohave made good fathers.

When I met Darryn, it was literally love at first sight,although it did take me a few months to get used to theidea of being really loved and feeling secure. After aboutsix months of seeing each other, the subject of childrenwas first raised, and in the subsequent year, muchdiscussion occurred. It was at this time that I felt that itwas up to me to compromise. Besides, I was starting tolike the idea of having children with Darryn.

We married in April 2000, and in the followingNovember we tried to start a family. I was almost twenty-

1.Discovering Infertility

1

eight. Twelve months passed without any success, andsoon we were seeking medical advice. We were referredto the IVF (in-vitro fertilisation) clinic, and it wassuggested that we commence with the first treatment ofthe IVF program. The roundabout had begun.

Within the first year we underwent several treatments.With each failure, we progressed to the next level oftreatment. We completed the timing method, ovulationinduction and intra-uterine insemination (IUI) beforefinally reaching the IVF treatment itself. Each step wasmore expensive than the one before, with IVF being themost expensive at about $3,000 per treatment.

4 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

In early 2002, Darryn and I commenced the first ofseveral IVF cycles. As part of the treatment process, I hada laparoscopy, which was conducted under generalanaesthetic. It was during this check-up that the doctorsfound out that I had endometriosis, which explained theheavy painful periods I had been experiencing for sometime. While under anaesthesia, the doctors performedlaser surgery to remove the Endometrium.

Shortly after this, I was able to begin the IVFtreatment. The first treatment was an extremelyemotional, stressful and painful stage. Not only was Ibattling the thought of infertility, but I also had a fear forneedles.

For the first few days of my menstrual cycle, I had toattend the IVF clinic between 6 and 8 am for a blood test.Each afternoon I waited for the telephone call that was tolet me know when to start the medication, which required

2.Initial IVF Treatments

2

injections. Finally came approximately seven days intomy cycle. I was instructed to start the medication, whichrequired injections.

As I was unable to medicate myself, Darryn injectedme with the two needles each night. One needle was 5mm, the second 1 mm. The needles were painful and itwas an ordeal for us both to give and receive thetreatment. I continued with the early morning blood testsuntil I received another telephone call that informed usabout the details of the surgery.

Day surgery involved removing my eggs under generalanaesthetic. On the same day, Darryn was required toproduce sperm. I returned to the IVF clinic three daysafter, where two fertilised eggs were returned using a longsyringe inserted into the vaginal cavity. Two days later Ireceived one more needle, and then it was just a case ofwaiting to find out whether I commenced my nextmenstrual cycle, or whether we were pregnant.

Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful this time, and thefollowing two times. The second time was probably alittle more emotional, stressful and painful as our hopeswere dashed. However, the third time, whilst stillemotional and stressful, the realisation was beginning toset in.

The only consolation to the disappointments was thatwith each treatment cycle, the technology improved. Forexample, the first treatment required me to receive twoneedles a day, whereas the second treatment required me

6 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

to receive only one needle, with the second needle beingreplaced with a nasal spray.

Nonetheless, each treatment was just as draining, justas expensive and just as disappointing. I was veryfortunate that the relationship I had with Darryn wasboth strong and secure enough to withstand theemotional rollercoaster.

In September 2004, following the third unsuccessfultreatment, Darryn and I visited the IVF clinic to discussour options. It was at this appointment that the doctornoted that I had a rare egg deformity known as grainyoocytes. I was advised that there was not much knownabout this particular abnormality and that there was nocure. The doctor also suggested that it was highlyunlikely that we would be successful in becomingpregnant and that it was our decision as to whether wecontinued with IVF treatment.

Although Darryn and I had already decided that it wasfruitless to continue with the treatment, it was a shock tohave the futility of continuing treatments confirmed. Wediscussed the diagnosis and the expense of continuingand it sealed our decision.

The following weeks were a dark time for us as therealisation of my infertility sank in. We both dealt withit in different ways, but throughout it all we maintainedour strong bond. I was inconsolable knowing that I wasnever able to bear children, whereas Darryn simplywithdrew. Fortunately for our health and our

L I Z P E T E R 7

relationship, our quest to create a family meant that wedid not stay in that dark place for too long.

8 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

In October 2004, I gently raised the idea of adoption withDarryn again. I had first raised the subject in the previousJuly, but at the time we had only recently completed ourthird IVF cycle and there was still a faint hope thatsomehow, magically, we might get pregnant naturally.

Although Darryn had some reservations aboutbonding with someone else’s child, he suggested that wemake an appointment with the adoption agency and atleast make some enquiries.

The meeting was with the general manager of aprivate adoption agency. She asked us a number ofquestions to gain an insight into our background andprovided a brief overview of the adoption process,namely the costs involved, the time frames and a list ofcountries from which to choose.

Although I was quite excited and somewhatoptimistic, I was mindful that Darryn was still uncertain

3.Learning About Adoption

3

and the last thing I wanted to do was discourage him. So,after the appointment, we briefly discussed our thoughtsand feelings and then left the subject to rest.

A few weeks later Darryn suggested that we sign upfor the orientation weekend, which was due to take placein February 2005. I could not complete the Stage Oneforms quick enough, but again I contained my hope andexcitement. Darryn needed to do this for himself, notbecause I wanted it.

The adoption process was broken into a number ofstages, all of which had associated fees. Stage Oneincorporated the Expression and Registration of Interest toAdopt. I posted these forms in October 2004, along with acheque for $629 — of which $379 went to the governmentadoption agency and $250 to the private adoption agency.

In February 2005, we attended a weekend orientationsession. This session formed part of Stage Two of theadoption process. These two days provided us with lotsof information, including detailed adoption processes,the countries and their requirements and the pros andcons of adoption.

Following our initial meeting with the general manager,Darryn and I had short-listed two or three countries thatappealed to us. However, the list of countries available andtheir requirements that were provided at the orientationsession differed from the original list we had received,causing some confusion when trying to make our choices.

Although the orientation weekend was extremely

1 0 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

informative and revealing, it was also exhausting, bothphysically and emotionally. The most moving part of theweekend was on the Sunday morning. In a show-and-tell-style format, four couples spoke openly to us about theirexperiences with the adoption process and their children.

The age of the children at our session ranged fromeighteen months to nine years, and each came from adifferent country, namely China, Taiwan, Korea andIndia. As the parents spoke of the long bureaucraticjourney they had taken, the emotional road of childallocation, the desperate wait to pick up their childrenand the sometimes traumatic experiences of being a newmother to an adopted child, even the toughest men in theroom, including Darryn, choked back a tear.

Over the days following the orientation, Darryn and Idiscussed what we had learnt, what we had heard andhow we felt. We both acknowledged that it was one ofthe most emotional experiences we had had to date,outside of realising infertility. It was also an opportunityto confirm that we wanted to adopt our family. Darrynand I also felt that the orientation weekend was one ofthe most illuminating experiences for parents to be andthat a similar weekend should be offered to IVF patientsand natural parents.

Having completed the orientation weekend and aftermuch introspection, we both reached the sameconclusions. I completed the necessary paperwork andmade a formal application to adopt an overseas child. The

L I Z P E T E R 1 1

fees for Stage Two were $800 -$500 for the governmentadoption agency and $300 for the private adoption agency— which we included in our application. On the form welisted two or three countries of our choice, although weknew that we would have to select only one at theappropriate time in the process.

In mid February, we received a letter from thegovernment adoption agency that oversaw the privateadoption agency, advising us that the private agency wasclosing down and that all of our files would be forwardedto them. Their reasoning was to mainstream the processes.At the time we did not have any concerns about the transfer.

Given our uncertainties following the conflictinginformation we had received regarding the countries, Iemailed the government adoption agency to seek someclarification, knowing that our file would eventuallyarrive there. On receipt of my email, a social workertelephoned me. She advised me that owing to politicaland bureaucratic reasons, the countries that we hadchosen were no longer available or were not within ourreach. She suggested that Darryn and I meet with her todiscuss our options further, and an appointment wasmade for the following Wednesday.

This was the beginning of what proved to be a difficultsix months.

1 2 S E A R C H I N G F O R O U R A N G E L

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Liz Peter is the Director of Stellar Women, partner inStellar Homes and State Representative for NationalAdoption Awareness Week 2009. In 2004 she and herhusband Darryn commenced the adoption process inSouth Australia. Searching for Our Angel is theircompelling true story.

Having grown up believing she did not want children,everything changed for Liz Peter when she met Darryn.The decision to have children was quickly challenged bya diagnosis of infertility. Like many other couples Liz andDarryn then embarked on IVF treatment. Three yearslater, they realised that that dream was over.

What followed was four years of adoption hell;navigating government bureaucracy, falling victim toelaborate inter-country embezzlement, continualheartbreak as their hopes were raised, only to be dashed.

Finally, against all odds, Liz and Darryn's love, sheerpersistence and determination paid off. This is the truestory of their quest to find their angel.

9 7 8 0 9 8 0 7 3 9 9 4 7

ISBN 978-0-9807399-4-7

Non-fiction/adoption

www.shortstoppress.comwww.aampersanda.com

“Love is what brought Liz and Darryn together, love is what carried them through their ups and downs, love took them on the dark ride through IVF treatment and it took them on the ride of their life to find their son, Sam. Thank God for their love”. Jason Snowy Carter, co host of John, Jodie and Snowy, Mix 102.3

“Love is what brought Liz and Darryn together, love is what carried them through their ups and downs, love took them on the dark ride through IVF treatment and it took them on the ride of their life to find their son, Sam. Thank God for their love”. Jason Snowy Carter, co host of John, Jodie and Snowy, Mix 102.3

Having grown up believing she did not want

children, everything changed for Liz Peter

when she met Darryn. The decision to have

children was quickly challenged by a

diagnosis of infertility. Like many other

couples Liz and Darryn then embarked on

IVF treatment. Three years later, they

realised that that dream was over.

What followed was four years of adoption

hell; navigating government bureaucracy,

falling victim to elaborate inter-country

embezzlement, continual heartbreak as

their hopes were raised, only to be dashed.

Finally, against all odds, Liz and Darryn's

love, sheer persistence and determination

paid off. This is the true story of their quest to

find their angel.

About the author About the author

Liz Peter is the Director of Stellar Women, partner in Stellar Homes and State Representative for National Adoption Awareness Week 2009. In 2004 she and her husband Darryn commenced the adoption process in South Australia. Searching for our Angel is their compelling true story.

Liz Peter is the Director of Stellar Women, partner in Stellar Homes and State Representative for National Adoption Awareness Week 2009. In 2004 she and her husband Darryn commenced the adoption process in South Australia. Searching for our Angel is their compelling true story.