Script -final version · Charity%% Charlotte%Travis% Cyril% % Dario%BiedmaNColeman% Cedric%%...
25
Transcript of Script -final version · Charity%% Charlotte%Travis% Cyril% % Dario%BiedmaNColeman% Cedric%%...
Once Upon a Dream
2
Character List
Fairies Oberon Tony Foxall Titania Charlotte Kinson Punk Matthew Kinson Cupid Bethanie Hayton Nettle Harry Simkin Thistle Matthew Pettifor Marigold Jessica Foulkes Peaches Charlotte Foulkes Rosebud Amie Sleigh Bluebell Megan Hardy Trixiebell Isobel Mason Fifibell Ruth Bates Tinkerbell Elizabeth Cox Reporter Charlotte Somers Royals Jane Deborah Allen Faith Grace Horobin Hope Emmaleigh Ough Charity Charlotte Travis Cyril Dario Biedma-‐Coleman Cedric Dan Hardy Band John David Anderson Bottom Luke Groves Eric Nicholas Allen Derek Adam Foxall Innkeeper James Harriman Matty Matthew Windsor Kez Kieran Banner Benji Ben Carr
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ACT I
Scene1:
The woods
SONG:
C-‐lebrity – Full Company
Punk Hi-‐Ya everyone. Hello there. Hiya everyone, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Punk, chief assistant to and general gofer for his high and mighty majesty, The King of the Fairies, O-‐B-‐Ron. I wonder how many of you have ever seen a real fairy before – go on – be honest. Well you’ve seen one now, because listen to me and listen to me good; I ain’t no Christmas tree fairy, I ain’t even no fairy godmother type fairy, I'm Punk, Your one and only punk rocker fairy. Now, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, ‘cos you mortals can’t normally see us fairies. Well do you want to know why? It’s because you spend your time so wrapped up in your own little world that you forget all about the magical world around you. But every so often our paths cross and then we get a real fairy tale. So here I am, Punk, the only Punk fairy in the world, and as I was saying I work for O-‐B-‐Ron, the King of all fairyland, and it doesn’t pay to cross him I can tell you.
O-‐B-‐Ron Punk, Punk, where are you, you good for nothing gofer, PUNK!
Punk Well no time like the present and no present like the time so it looks as if you’re about to meet The Big Boss Man himself, O-‐B-‐Ron, the King of the Fairies.
O-‐B-‐Ron enters accompanied by Nettle & Thistle and the Ronettes. SONG:
O-‐B-‐Ron-‐Ron – The Ronettes
O-‐B-‐Ron Punk, who are you talking to, you lazy lump of lupin leaves, and who are all these little kiddie winkies? I HATE troublesome little kiddie winkies, crying, bawling and interrupting the football matches on TV. And what’s even worse than little kiddie winkies I here you ask? – Little Mortals like this lot!!! I HATE mortals – wandering around so superior they don’t even believe we exist! Now where was I, oh yes – Punk – where is the remote cloud control, the live football should be on the SKY now but I can’t find the controls anywhere.
Punk Sorry, boss, Sir, Your majesty, but Queen Titania has got the remote again, she wants to watch the Terrestrial Channel, apparently there’s a good storyline coming up on the Reality show. Cupid was only telling me the other day....
O-‐B-‐Ron Cupid – don’t tell me stupid cupid is involved in this – hasn’t she messed up enough romances.
Punk But this time she’s not meddling with them, she’s just watching them with the Queen and, as I said, the mortals lead such interesting lives and there’s a royal wedding coming up soon and everyone in fairy land wants to watch it...
O-‐B-‐Ron Everyone does not want to watch it because I WANT TO WATCH THE FOOTBALL! Who pays your wages Punk? Now get me the remote control!
Titania enters unseen by O-‐B-‐Ron accompanied by her attendants & cupid Titania Punk – you stay right where you are, the girls and I are going to settle down to the
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latest saga right here and right now ... and the Remote Control is staying right here as well. So, unless any of you fellas want to frisk a fairy I suggest you fly off to the Villa and watch the bunch of fairies that play there every week!
Bluebell Do the fairies really play football?
Marigold No silly, they just play like fairies.
Rosebud That’s a bit insulting to us fairies if you ask me.
Peaches I don’t know about that, some of those footballers are quite something.
Marigold I know, I managed to sneak a peek at the match last week whilst old OB was watching it.
Peaches We could always help him get the remote back again, you know, if the Queen managed to accidentally misplace it.
Bluebell Are you two taking Oberon’s side again? The next episode of the Royals is about to start.
Rosebud I’m going to tell the Queen.
Peaches
(mimicking) I’m going to tell the Queen.
Titania You’re going to tell the Queen what?
Marigold That the Royals is about to start and we wanted to make sure you had the remote safely in your possession, of course.
SONG:
DON’T STOP ME NOW – Queen & fairies
Scene 2 (at the palace – this scene is what the fairies want to watch) This scene opens with a dialogue between Princess Faith, and her bridesmaids Hope & Charity, and Plain Jane, the wedding planner. They are joined by Princes Cyril & Cedric. Faith Ooh I am so excited about the wedding; I can’t believe how lucky I am that I will
soon be spending the rest of my life with my very own prince charming.
Hope Don’t you ever feel as if you will be missing out on something, spending the rest of your life with the same person? Don’t you ever wonder if someone better might be waiting for you just around the corner?
Charity Hope, how can you talk like that? You are pledged to marry the most wonderful man in the world, you should be as happy as Faith is.
Hope How can you call Prince Cedric the most wonderful man in the world, you certainly live up to your name, Charity. The only good thing about the situation is that because Faith and Cyril are marrying this year, my father has agreed to postpone our wedding for another 12 months. I just hope something happens before then to stop the wedding.
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Plain Jane I beg your pardon madam, but I sincerely hope that nothing does stop your
wedding, because, I have already been offered the commission by your father to plan and organise your wedding to Cedric as Society wedding of the year for next Year.
Faith Oh please stop all of this talk about cancelling weddings, it is making me nervous and this should be the happiest occasion of my life.
Charity I am sorry Faith; of course we should be thinking of you at the moment, I'm sure Hope won’t do anything to spoil your wedding, will you?
Hope No of course not, maybe things will sort themselves out naturally and dear Cedric will fall in love with someone else and let me off the hook, but in any case I won’t do anything to spoil your big day, however, we do have a hen night to organise and I have a really good idea of where we should go...after all, Charity needs to find a partner for the wedding day.
Focus switches to the princes Cyril (Interrupts them) Darling, you are looking frightfully gorgeous tonight, the most
beautiful girl in the whole kingdom. I must be the luckiest prince in the whole world to have such a charming princess for my bride.
Cedric Oh – I should say so – almost as lucky as me (turning to Hope).
Faith (to Cyril) Sweetheart you say the most flattering things, I am sure I don’t deserve them.
Cyril Oh but you do so deserve them my dearest one.
Cedric Yes, you do so deserve them, just like my Hope (turning to Hope).
Faith Ooh I cannot wait for our wedding day, now are you sure that everything is organised?
Cyril Darling, everything is under the control of the most efficient wedding planner in the whole world, you have nothing to worry your sweet self about my little poochie-‐pie, we will have the wedding of the century, what could possibly go wrong?
Jane Your highness, I beg your pardon sir, but we do just need to clarify a few minor points. Firstly, how about the magazine rights, OK?
Cyril OK, Which magazine?
Jane You want Which? I thought it was OK?
Cyril It is OK if that is what is Best.
Jane You want Best or OK?
Cyril I want which is best.
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Jane Ok then.
Cyril No – I don’t want just OK I want which is best
Faith (interrupts) Hello!
Jane Hello? Now you’re saying Hello?
Cyril Oh Faith, not Now.
Jane Not Now – I didn’t know we were even thinking about Now.
Faith No not Now, OK!
Jane OK?
Faith Yes, OK!
Jane So that’s agreed, OK. And finally the entertainment, Robbie Williams, Take That or
both together?
Cyril Actually, it would be really cool if you could arrange for Elvis to sing at our wedding, Love Me Tender...
Cedric Love Me Sweet...
Cyril & Cedric Never Let Me Go (sung to partners)
Jane Your highness, I don’t think that will be possible, I believe Elvis is dead.
Cyril Oh dear, sweet Jane, if I can quote from your brochure ... ‘the impossible we achieve at once, miracles take a little longer’... now don’t let me down.
Jane Very well your highness, I’ll put an ad in the paper.
Cyril, Now where were we my honeybun, oh yes, only a few weeks left until you make me the happiest man in the whole universe, my beloved.
Cedric (to Hope) The happiest man in the universe.
SONG:
GLAD ALL OVER – Led by Cyril & Cedric with Faith, Hope, Charity, Jane and Royals
Scene 3
The Pub – Set in the pub where the speed dating also takes place. The band are practicing, John Smith & band discussing their chances of playing at the wedding.
Nick Bottom So we think we should be able to get this wedding gig then John?
John According to Jane, the Princess really likes Robbie Williams and Take That, but they will be looking for some supporting acts as well, that’s where we stand the best chance. Jane’s going to put in a good word for us and she’ll let us know what sort of music they’re looking for.
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Nick B It’s true what they say, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.
Eric Yes it does pay to have friends in high places. All those years of humiliation on X-‐
factor and Britain’s Got Talent, always having to think up some sob story to get the judges attention.
Derek And all we really needed was a sister with Royal connections. I can’t believe we could be getting our big break at last – do you think we should try and do a tribute act?
John No, They’ve got enough money to afford the real McCoy or even the real McFly. We need to be original, stand out from the crowd.
Eric Perhaps we need a new look, a new image.
Derek We’ve tried just about every look that’s going.
Nick B And some of us have tried them all at the same time!
Eric You speak for yourself.
Nick B I was.
John Look, it’s not worth falling out over. We are what we are. If we don’t get it, well we’ll just have to hope we have better luck with some of these other jobs.
Nick B What other jobs? The closest I’ve got to any big gigs lately was when I was selling KFC outside the NIA where the ELO were playing for the NME.
John That’s it – let’s have a go at one of our old ELO hits. I know just the one to impress the ladies. Come on we need some practice. We’ve got an audience here now; we might be able to pick up some tips.
Nick B Pick up some tips or pick up some girls – either way, you’ll be lucky.
SONG:
HOLD ON TIGHT TO YOUR DREAMS – Led By John, Bottom, Eric and Derek, with groupies and pub customers.
Bar owner That’s it you lot – out of here, you can’t use my pub for free band practice – if you’re not drinking, you’re out of here, now! You’re not Playing if you’re not paying! I've got a speed dating evening here tonight, that’s what gets the clients in now, so go on – clear off.
Eric He used to pay us for playing here, now he wants us to pay him – what is the world coming to?
Derek And where are we going to practice now –mum won’t let us use our garage anymore.
John There’s the old woodcutters hut in the woods, we could practice there. We’ll meet up there later and try and think of a new image. I've got to stay here to meet Jane and see if she has any advice for us.
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Nick B We may as well all stay if we can sneak past the landlord. I fancy my chances at a
speed dating evening.
Eric Let’s see if we can pick up any tips for our new look.
Derek There’s plenty to choose from amongst this crowd.
John All right then, but keep a low profile – we don’t want to get thrown out again before I've seen Jane.
Scene 4 (Still at the pub) Speed dating scene. Faith, Hope & Charity are here with Jane, for Faith’s hen night, Hope is hoping to find someone for herself & Charity; Jane has had to escort them & is also secretly hoping she might meet someone, however she also has to meet her brother here.
Jane Okay ladies, here we are. I am still not convinced that I should have brought you here, however, as you reminded me, I am being paid to organise every little detail to your satisfaction, so Good Luck – and please – don’t get into any trouble – the last thing we need is for this to be in the papers tomorrow morning.
Jane moves over to John to speak to him about the wedding while the girls discuss the speed dating. Faith Have you ever been to one of these before?
Hope No, but it’s quite exciting don’t you think?
Charity Are you sure this is a good idea, after all, Faith is getting married in two weeks
and you’re spoken for as well.
Faith It really is just a bit of fun, seeing how the other half live, we aren’t going to arrange to meet anybody.
Hope You speak for yourself.
Charity What about Cedric? He would never do this to you?
Hope Charity, I know you mean well but I honestly do not intend to marry Cedric. My father may have promised my hand in marriage to him but we are really totally unsuited to each other. Look if you are that worried, why don’t you marry him? That would solve all my problems. He would still have a rich princess for a bride and I would be free to marry the man of my dreams.
Faith So who is the man of your dreams?
Hope I don’t know – but I do know I haven’t met him yet.
As Faith Hope & Charity take their place at the speed dating, we hear the end of Jane and John’s conversation. John He wants Elvis? You have got to be kidding. Love Me Tender? He needs to get into
the real world.
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Jane Have a heart John. You might meet someone yourself one day and feel just as
much in love as the Prince and his Princess.
John I very much doubt it. Young, free and single – that’s my style.
Jane You disappoint me, I’d love to organise my own brother’s wedding. I’d do you a discount you know. So what sort of girl would it take to win your heart?
John I don’t know – But I guess it would have to be someone very special.
SONG:
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER – Mortal ensemble led by John, Bottom, Eric & Derek, Faith, Hope, Charity and Jane, plus a mixed ensemble of mortals.
Scene 4 continued
As the song comes to an abrupt end Hope meets John & it is love at first sight, Jane tries to separate them but John arranges to meet Hope in the woods after band practice. Nick B & Charity also overhears the conversation.
Nick B (to John) John, come on, the band are waiting to rehearse down the woods
Hope (sighing to herself) John, and he plays in a band, he must be a popstar.
Charity (to Hope) Hope, come on, we need to get back to the palace.
John (sighing to himself) Hope, and she lives in a palace, she must be a princess.
Jane (trying to split them up) Ladies and gentlemen I think the evening has come to an end and we all have homes to go to.
John Meet me in the woods, by the old hut. We’ll be there until twelve.
Hope I’ll be there.
Landlord I told you lot to clear off an hour ago. Come on, I've got paying customers here.
As they all leave Jane speaks to Hope.
Jane Hope, forgive me for speaking out of turn, but if you insist on going to meet John tonight I will have to tell the others.
Hope So what do you think they’ll do? Lock me up in the dungeons to stop me going?
Jane I feel somehow responsible for all this – I should never have brought you to the speed dating.
Hope Don’t say that, it’s the best thing you ever did for us! Don’t worry Jane. I’ll be ‘discreet’. I’ll persuade everyone else to come to the woods and no one will be any the wiser, after all, it will just be to hear the band rehearsing for the wedding. You DO want your brother’s band to play at the wedding don’t you?
Jane Are you trying to blackmail me?
Hope No need to do that, if the band are as good as you say they are, Prince Cyril will
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want to book them anyway.
Jane I still don’t think it’s a good idea.
Scene 5 The Fairy Glen. The Queen is settling down for the next episode & commanding her attendants to wait on her, fetch slippers, drinking chocolate, fleece etc. O-‐B-‐Ron & punk are in conversation about how to get remote control & plot revenge on the queen by making her fall in love with a mortal & become part of her own soap opera. The plot is hatched.
Queen Buttercup, fetch me my slippers, Daisy, where is my drinking chocolate and Snowdrop, hurry up and bring me the latest edition of Celebrity magazine I really must keep up to date with what’s going on. Lily, arrange my cushions, and Hyacinth, where is the remote control, please don’t tell me old OB has managed to get his hands on it again.
Cupid No worries, be happy, I've been keeping it very safe on my person; there’s no chance of OB or Punk getting their hands on it here.
Queen They might call you stupid cupid, but you’re not as daft as you look are you?
Cupid Here we go your majesty, just in time for the opening credits. I can’t wait to see what is going to happen between the princess and the pop star. If I was a mortal he could serenade me all night long. It’s true what they say ‘if music be the food of love – Play On!’
As they settle to watch the Soap, OB enters downstage with nettle & thistle.
OB Punk, Punk, where are you? You... you ...paradoxy of pixiedust.
(Punk enters)
Punk Here I am your majesty sir, your wish is my command or your command is my wish?
OB Stop rattling on like an apologetic apostrophe. I need to get the remote control off my wife and I need it now! Who does she think she is? I'm the King of the fairies, she’d be nothing without me, nothing, I tell you, NOTHING! We have to teach her a lesson.
Nettle Oooh sir, sir, I know, we could... (whispers in his ear)
Thistle Or we could ... (whispers in ear)
Nettle We could even...
Thistle Oo Oo I've got it we could...
OB That’s what will happen to you two in a minute. We need to give her a taste of her own medicine.
Nettle Medicine – she won’t like that.
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Thistle Especially not nasty horrible tasting medicine.
OB We need to hit her where it hurts.
Nettle Where does it hurt?
Thistle It hurts me here.
OB We need to show her who’s boss.
Nettle You’re the boss man.
Thistle So how are we gonna do this boss?
Ob She’s always watching those mortals on the TV, what we need to do is put her
there in the soap opera with them. She can fall in love with a mortal.
Nettle How we gonna do that boss?
Thistle She’s not that easy to fall in love with.
Nettle A bit scary if you ask me.
OB Then it’s a good job I'm not asking you, isn’t it, you dopey duo of dandelion dust. Now we need Cupid to get some of her magical fairy liquid...
Punk Oh Yes, I love it when we get the Fairy Liquid out.
OB But just make sure she is careful with it. You know how ‘accident prone’ Cupid can be and these love potions can be dangerous things in the wrong hands.
PUNK Trust me your majesty sir. But look out – here comes the Queen.
Queen (moving towards them)
What are you bunch of overgrown Muppet brains doing. Keep the noise down. WE are trying to watch the TV.
OB And WE are trying to have a conversation -‐ but we’ll just move over here for it if that won’t disturb you too much. (Bowing down to pressure from the Queen but trying to keep the upper hand)
SONG:
BE PREPARED – Oberon, Nettle, Thistle and Punk with the Fairy Group.
Scene 6 A path in the woods – The royal party enters led by Jane, Faith, Hope, Charity, Cyril & Cedric. Jane is still worried about Hope.
Cyril I hope this band is as good as you say they are Jane. You know I only want the best for my princess.
Cedric I am so looking forward to seeing them. I have never known my Hope so excited about anything. I think, perhaps, she would like them to play at our wedding next year.
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Jane Yes, yes, I'm sure that is why she is so excited, isn’t it Hope.
Hope (not really paying attention) What, Oh yes, so excited.
Charity About your wedding next year?
Hope (hesitating and coming back to reality) What else would I be excited about?
Jane I still don’t think it’s a good idea.
Faith I don’t know. It’s quite trendsetting to have a band no-‐one else has heard of.
Cyril What good fortune that they were providing the entertainment for your hen party. And you say they are so good that they have to rehearse in secret in the woods to avoid the paparazzi?
Cedric That is so romantic. Isn’t it my darling?
Hope Oh yes, sooo romantic.
Hope pulls Faith and Charity to one side.
Hope Girls, you have to help me out here, I just need 5 minutes on my own to speak to someone, I'm going to take a short cut, can you somehow take the wrong turning with the others?
Faith You can’t do this! You’re engaged.
Hope But to the wrong man.
Charity But Cedric loves you so much.
Hope Cedric just loves being in love, he loves everything that goes with it, the romance, hearts and flowers, but he doesn’t love me, and I certainly don’t love him. He deserves someone who can love him for who he is. It’s different for you Faith, you and Cyril were made for each other. Please, an extra five minutes is all I am asking. It’s just such a special night; I might never get another chance.
SONG:
A NIGHT LIKE THIS – Led by the princesses and Jane with the Royal Group, (before the end of the song, Hope exits).
Scene 7 A Woody Clearing. Scene starts with only 2 band members on stage, by end of scene all band are on stage and the groupies from the pub and the woodkeeper, Hope is hiding.
Eric This is it, with any luck we can get power & lights from the old wood keepers hut.
Derek He’ll never know. He’s as deaf as a post and likely as not he’s down the pub.
Eric Either that or he’s flat out in bed sleeping it off.
Derek Let’s hope his snoring doesn’t disturb our rehearsing then.
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Eric I hope John and Nick get here soon. It’s getting kind of chilly around here.
Derek Yeh, a bit creepy as well if you ask me. I could swear someone’s watching us.
Eric I know what you mean; there seem to be eyes everywhere, but none that you can
see.
Derek Do you think the wood is haunted?
At this point Bottom jumps out at them, dressed as Elvis
Nick B Boo!
Eric What do you think you’re playing at – you scared us half to death?
Derek And what do you think you look like?
Nick B Elvis! Der.. Who else? We want to get this gig don’t we? Anyway, what do you two think you look like? A Scottish Jedwood – loose the wigs mates.
Eric It’s our new image.
Derek We picked up some tips at the speed dating after all.
Eric Och Aye the Noo. It turns out the ladies don’t just go for French accents.
Derek Och Aye, it turns out they’ve got quite a thing for the Scott’s as well.
Eric And what’s more, there all coming here to listen to our new song tonicht.
Derek Och Aye, ‘It's a braw bricht moonlit nicht the nicht’.
Nick Goodness knows what John is going to make of this. He’ll be here in a minute, he’s just talking to that girl he met at the pub. Some big secret and she’s not really supposed to be here so she’s hiding. You know what John’s like for getting into scrapes with girls.
As all of the groupies & roadies enter dressed in their tartan accessories, John enters and hides Hope at the side of the stage. Woodkeeper enters with them and joins in but at end of song clears the stage.
John What on earth is going on? Have you all gone crazy? I hope you know what you’re doing.
Eric It’s our new image. Come on, grab some tartan and join the fun. SONG: SHANG-‐A-‐LANG (led by Eric & Derek, with John & Nick B, groupies & roadies.)
Woodkeeper Hey, where’s your electricity coming from? My hut? Why you thieving Jackdaws,
get gone the lot of you, scarper now, before I call the police.
They all exit except John who gets Hope from her hiding place.
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Scene 8 The Fairy Glen, just John & Hope left on stage.
John See, we managed to escape the lot of them.
Hope This is so exciting; I've never done anything like this before.
John Me Neither.
Hope It’s magical here isn’t it?
John I’ve never felt so alive, it’s as if something here is enchanting me, you’re
enchanting me – this whole place is enchanting me. That’s it, you must be an enchantress, you are putting me under your magical charms.
Hope (laughing) And you are capturing me in your magical arms. I wish I could capture this moment forever. Everything about it is so perfect. The trees, the breeze, the stars in the skies
John The look in your eyes…
Hope The man by my side… What are we going to do John, we can’t really stay here forever, and yet I feel so at home here with you that I never want it to end.
John It doesn’t have to end, look at all those stars, there’s a whole world out there, just waiting to be discovered. This day, this night, this lifetime, it’s what we want to make of it Hope.
Hope It’s scary.
John It’s beautiful.
SONG
GREATEST DAY – Duet JOHN & HOPE (but in magical setting of the woods a backing group to the singing could include either fairies or mortals)
Scene 8 continued
The Fairy Glen. Punk Oberon & Cupid, Nettle & Thistle enter. They are getting the potion ready for the Queen, but keep being disturbed by everyone else who is in the woods tonight. Gradually the stage fills with the Full Company mingling around.
Cupid Oh just look at these two love birds, isn’t it sweet. It makes your heart go all gooey inside.
Oberon We can leave those two alone, which is probably what they would prefer. We need to find the Queen and just ONE mortal.
Cupid How about that Wood keeper fellow – He was in a bit of a bad mood wasn’t he – he could do with some of my magical Fairy Liquid.
Oberon Cupid – don’t you dare go messing with that potion until we have found the Queen.
Punk They do lead interesting lives though these mortals, I can see what the attraction
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is with the princess and the popstar. We could just help them along a bit with Cupids help.
Oberon NO WE COULD NOT! Let them live their own lives. We only need one of them for the Queen to fall in love with. Now let’s choose carefully.
Nettle Ooh look – it’s the Princes looking for the band, how about a prince?
Thistle I can see the band, I can see the band – Hey they are quite good aren’t they.
Oberon Can anyone see the Queen? It’s getting very busy here in the woods tonight.
Punk I think I can see Marigold and Bluebell – she won’t be far from them.
Cupid (getting excited) I can’t see her (starting to jump up and down with the potion), Oh I still can’t see her, where is she?
Punk Be careful Cupid, you’ll spill the potion.
Oberon Punk, get that potion from her at once before she has an accident with it.
Cupid No – it’s my job to administer love potions, that’s not fair.
Nettle & Thistle We’ll get it boss!
Cupid You’ll have to catch me first.
SONG
STUPID CUPID – Led by King and Punk and Full Company as Nettle & Thistle try to catch Cupid and the potion goes everywhere.
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ACT TWO
Full Company –Everyone has the wrong partner, where possible fairies paired with mortals.
Scene1:
(the woods)
SONG:
One Night Only – Full Company
End of song, all exit except ensemble for Elephant Love Medley the principals (referred to here as Boy 1 girl 1 etc) are mismatched mortals to fairies except Cedric and Charity are matched together. This includes princes, princesses, Nettle & Thistle, The Band (except Bottom), The Ronnettes.
John Don’t Love me for fun, girl, Let me be the one, girl, Love me for a reason…And let the reason be Love.
Peaches Oh Love, Love me do, You know I love you, I’ll always be true, So Please, Please, Please, Please, Love Me Do
Cyril Oh, my love, my darling, I hunger for your touch, A long, lonely while, Time goes by so slowly And time can do so much…Will you be mine?
Marigold
I wanna be loved by you, By you, and nobody else but you, I wanna be loved by you alone, bu, bop, de, do.
Eric (to Rosebud) Oh I would walk 500 miles
Derek (to Bluebell) And I would walk 500 more
Eric To be the man who walked one thousand
Derek (thousand) miles to lay down at your door
Rosebud (to Eric) I’d do anything,
Bluebell (to Derek) For you, dear, anything,
Rosebud For you mean everything
Bluebell To me
Nettle Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go.
Hope You have made my life complete and I love you so.
Thistle Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfil.
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Faith For, my darlin', I love you and I always will. Cedric I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream.
Charity I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.
Cedric So, love me at once
Charity The way you did … Once upon a dream.
SONG:
ELEPHANT LOVE MEDLEY – Principal Group Number, Princes, Princesses, Band (except Bottom), Ronettes, Nettle & Thistle
End of song Oberon enters, followed by Punk, and ensemble exit during the lib scene. As the scene progresses mismatched couples cross the stage behind them.
OB (Shouting) Punk, Punk, where are you, you miserable misfit of mouldy marigold leaves. Look at what you and that Stupidest Cupid have done now! We’ve got half of fairyland in love with half the mortals We need to stop this charade at once.
Punk Sorry, boss, Sir, Your majesty, but I thought that’s what you wanted.
OB What I wanted? WHAT I WANTED! What I wanted was for Titania to fall in love with someone from the reality show to teach her a lesson. What I wanted was for her to realise that a Fairy in the Hand is better than a mortal in the bush (so to speak). What I wanted was to show her … (interrupted by Jane rushing across the stage and grabbing his leg, pleading ‘Marry Me! Marry Me!). What I got was Fairy Land in chaos and yet, and yet, and yet (as Punk tries to cower out of the way and Oberon tries to shake free of Jane,) the ‘beloved’ Titania, my ‘adorable’ Queen is still NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!
Punk Ok, I get the message.
OB So go and find her then. And remove this personage from me! NOW! (As Jane is still whimpering, Marry Me).
Punk Shall I get Nettle and Thistle to help?
OB (mimicking) Shall I get Nettle and Thistle to help? No you insufferable idiot, because they have already helped – helped themselves to a mortal! Now go! (Turning to audience) And you … you lot out there – what are you all laughing about. I thought you didn’t believe in fairies. You soon change your mind when a bit of fairy dust gets scattered your way. If you want a job doing – do it yourself.
As Oberon exits, dragging Jane behind, several other couples are seen running across the stage including, finally, Elvis followed by the Queen. Titania Oh my, Oh my, Oh my! What do we have here? As strange a looking fairy as ever
I have seen. But see, I do declare, that this is not even a fairy of any description. And yet I have never in my life discovered a creature so blessed with charm and
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good looks as I do now behold before me. What enchantment can this be?
Elvis Well bless my soul, What’s wrong with me?
Titania My Lord, there is nothing wrong with thee?
Elvis I’m itching like a man in a fuzzy tree.
Titania Oh, Thou art mortal. What a piece of work is a man, e’en tho’ he do be itching in a fuzzy tree. And how do they call you my good man?
Elvis Bottom. Ma’am. Nick Bottom or Botty to my friends.
Titania Alas, what is in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet. And yet, that which we call ‘Bottom’ surely not so sweet, to wit, I say, Botty, yes, Botty, it shall be. And what art thou, Botty?
Elvis I’m a singer ma’am.
Titania Then thou shalt sing to me, Botty. After all, a man that hath no music in himself…
Elvis Rest assured ma’am, I am full of music just bursting to get out.
Titania If music be the food of love – sing on, Botty.
SONG :
ALL SHOOK UP – Mixed Group Number led by Elvis (aka Bottom) and Queen.
After the song they all exit. A group of young fairies enter from one side of the stage and a group of young mortals from the other. Matty Who are you? Or should we say what are you?
Benji Is this some sort of fancy dress competition, because if it is, I don’t fancy your
chances of winning.
Kez I reckon it’s one of those themed parties and they’re all going as a bunch of woodland weirdoes.
Trixiebel We’re Fairies, and this is how we always dress.
Fifibel Anyway, you can talk, look at you all.
Tinkerbel Very strange, I must say. Hardly Fashionistas yourselves, are you?
Trixiebel And ‘who’ are you – or should we ask ‘what’ are you.
Matty We are mortals!
Trixiebel Mortals – you mean those human folks our parents watch on TV.
Fifibel We don’t believe in mortals.
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Tinkerbel We can’t believe anyone really lives their lives like that, on the TV all the time.
Fifibel Sharing their private business with anyone who happens to be channel flicking.
Matty Well we don’t believe in fairies!
Kez I still believe in the tooth fairy because she left me 50p last week when my tooth came out.
Trixiebel So sorry to disappoint you, but we are real and we exist in the same world as you do.
Fifibel Although we don’t do teeth – I don’t know who gave you that idea.
Benji So how is it that we’ve never seen you before?
Tinkerbel I don’t know, how is it that we’ve never seen you before?
Punk and Cupid enter, closely followed by Oberon with Jane still attached to him.
Cupid Oh No – I didn’t think things could get any worse but even the littlies can see each other
Punk At least they’ve not fallen in love – looks like they’re more likely to start a fight.
Cupid I don’t know which would be worse, but we need to get rid of them before the King sees them.
OB Ron Before the King sees who? Aaargh Nooooo. Little mortals and little fairies. Get rid of them quick. And get rid of this monstrosity attached to me!
Punk We can’t just get rid of them they’ve seen each other now.
OB Ron Then think of something and quick! Someone has got to sort this mess out. Has anyone seen the Queen yet?
Cupid Yes, yes, I was coming to tell you. The potion worked like a dream and the Queen has fallen in love with a mortal!
Punk There you are your majesty, it’s not all bad news, the Queen has fallen in love with a mortal just as you planned. Worked like a dream.
OB Ron Like a Dream, I don’t know what sort of dream world you two live in, but it’s more like a nightmare to me. Now get these kids sorted out so we can sort out the mystical mayhem your meddling has caused. And sort out this annoying appendage as well!
Cupid Here you are love (pulling Jane away from Oberon), you can do much better for yourself than him, believe me. If you help me out here I can find you the man of your dreams, a real living mortal. Come on now dear, let’s work our own bit of magic with these kids. You just follow my lead and away we go.
SONG: SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC – Cupid, Jane, Punk, Oberon and mixed group of fairies
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and mortals. End of song mortals exit one side, fairies exit the other.
Cupid There you are your majesty, worked like a dream.
Punk Yes your majesty, boss, sir, worked like a dream.
Cupid They’ve all gone off happy and smiling.
Punk Happy and smiling – isn’t love grand.
OB Ron You were supposed to stop them from seeing each other.
Punk Well they sort of have, they’ve left in opposite directions.
Cupid And after a good night’s sleep they will forget all about this. It will just be like one big magical dream.
Punk That’s it. That’s the answer.
OB Ron What’s IT, What’s the answer.
Punk Like we said – it all works like a dream – that’s all we have got to do. Get them all back together to sleep it off.
Cupid Of course. And then while they’re all asleep I can get some more magical potion and make them fall in love with someone else.
OB Ron You will do no such thing. We don’t need any more magical potions. For once in his elf-‐like existence Punk has come up with a sensible solution. Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. And therefore is Stupid Cupid often blind! We need them all to fall asleep with their rightful partners, their dreams will do the rest. We always Dream of finding our True Love so a little help in getting them to sleep, perchance to dream is all we need.
Punk Come on Stupid Cupid, help me round everybody up.
Cupid Ooh, can I choose who ends up together?
Punk & OB No!
Cupid But what about the Queen.
OB Leave her to me! She is, and always will be, my particular problem. Your enchantment ends when we get them all to sleep.
SONG
HUSHABYE MOUNTAIN – During which all return to stage and in a dreamlike state, all return to their ‘dream’ lovers. End of song most exit except for 2 princes, 3 princesses, John, Bottom & Jane
Jane Oh my goodness what are we all still doing here? Your Highnesses, I am so sorry for bringing you all out into the woods, we must have got lost. Oh this is all my fault.
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Cyril What is all your fault dear Jane? You brought us to hear the band that is going to
play at our wedding and I have to say it has been a most memorable experience.
Faith Oh Jane, this has been without doubt the most magical experience of my life, I will never be able to thank you enough.
Cyril This is the most enchanted place in the whole wide world. You know what, we should hold the wedding here.
Faith Of course we should. Jane can you arrange it?
Cyril And we’ll have that band of yours for the entertainment, I can’t actually remember hearing them play, but anyone who rehearses in such a romantic setting must be worth having at a wedding.
John (to Hope) Did you hear that Hope – we’re playing at the wedding.
Hope That’s great news, but I’ve just got something to sort out that I should have done a long time ago. My dearest Cedric, there really isn’t an easy way to say this, but I can’t marry you. I know it is my father’s greatest wish that we marry, but I have to marry for love, not for duty. I hope you can bring yourself to forgive me.
Cedric My dearest Hope. I have also had my eyes opened tonight. I really thought I loved you, but you were right, I just loved the idea of being in love. I am sure we can sort things out with your father, but I would have had to break off the engagement myself. How could I have missed the fact that my own true love was here all the time in front of my very eyes. Charity will you do me the honour of becoming my wife.
Charity Yes, Yes, A thousand times yes. I can’t believe everything has worked out so well for us all. I must be the happiest princess in the universe.
Botty (to Jane) Well Jane, it looks as if you are going to be fully employed as a wedding planner for a while yet. Have you never thought of planning your own wedding.
Jane Who would want to marry me?
Botty Me?
John My own sister, marrying before me? And to my best mate.
Jane So what about you John, still young free and single?
John Well I certainly ‘Hope’ that there is someone not too far away who might just change that.
Hope Is that a proposal, John Smith? Do you expect me to give up a life of riches living in a palace to marry a popstar living in a wood? What do you think this is – a Fairy Tale?
John I could never give you the sort of life to which you are accustomed, you know
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that, so if that’s what you want, I have to let you go, but I’m telling you I will never forget tonight for as long as I live.
Hope Neither will I, you daft fool. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I didn’t choose to be a princess, but I can choose to be your wife.
John Somebody pinch me – I feel as if I am living in a dream. I can’t believe how everything has worked out.
SONG: Orange Coloured Sky – performed by all four couples. At the end of the song they all exit.
The Fairy Glen Oberon, Punk & Cupid are on stage, Titania & the Ronettes are still sleeping.
Cupid Oh I do love a Happy Ending. Faith and Cyril back together and just in time for the wedding.
Punk AND they are holding the wedding right here in the woods, in OUR woods.
Cupid The princess gets her popstar and the popstar gets his princess. Imagine, giving up all of the royal trimmings for the man that you love.
Punk And that Elvis look-‐a-‐like is going to marry the wedding planner – he’ll find her a bit easier to love than our dear Titania.
Cupid And what about the other princess, she’s a bit of a sly one, but she still got her man.
Punk A good night’s work done altogether, if I say so myself.
Cupid If WE say so OURselves. None of this would have happened without me.
Punk Well we certainly make a good team.
Cupid I can’t wait to see what the Queen makes of it when she sees it on the TV.
OB The Queen is not going to see ANY of this on TV and we are not going to tell her about it, ARE WE?
Titania (enters with the Ronettes) What isn’t the Queen going to see on the TV? And What are you not going to tell her about.
OB Nothing my dearest, I didn’t realise that you were awake. We were just saying that you should have a lie-‐in, with a nice cup of tea, while you watched the TV.
Titania A lie-‐in, a cup of tea, watching the TV? What have you been up to?
OB Nothing my dearest. Did you sleep well?
Titania Did I sleep well? And what perchance makes you want to enquire about my sleeping patterns all of a sudden? Why after all of these years would you finally show enough interest to ask of your dear wife ‘Did you sleep well?’ Especially as you must surely have realised that indeed I did not sleep well. Since you ask, I
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had the most disturbing and yet strangely enlightening dream. I had visions of mortals all coming to life in the woods…
Bluebell Me too, they were all here.
Rosebud Singing to us.
Marigold Ooh they were so lovely.
Peaches You know the ones from the TV show.
Titania (now taking more notice of the Ronettes than Oberon) And there was one in particular, ‘itching like a man in a fuzzy tree’. Oh, what am I saying, what was I doing, I’m sure I’ve seen him somewhere before.
Marigold I dreamed of one of the princes – you know, the one who is supposed to be marrying Faith – I think he preferred me.
Bluebell No way – and he was singing to you?
Peaches You know that popstar that wants to marry the princess – I have this really funny feeling that we were going to elope together.
Rosebud Mine was a bit weird, he was going to walk a long way to see me.
Titania Isn’t that strange that we all had the same dream and yet it didn’t seem like a dream.
OB My dears, I think you are spending too much time watching the TV. You must have fallen asleep with the TV on last night. We didn’t see anything out of the ordinary did we?
Titania (to the girls) It all seemed so real at the time, but do you know, the strange thing is (and please don’t tell OB this) it made me appreciate what I’ve already got.
Marigold You mean with OB?
Titania He’s not that bad. Perhaps he is right, perhaps we do spend too long watching the TV. It is becoming hard to separate TV from reality.
Peaches We are still going to watch the wedding though – aren’t we?
Titania Of course we are – I’m not missing that for all the world!
SONG:
WE BELONG – Oberon & Titania, Punk & Cupid, Ronettes,
Scene Front of stage, Reporter interviewing guests.
Reporter 1 As the crowds are gathering for what is generally accepted to be the society wedding of the year I am part of our ‘dream team’ of reporters waiting to scoop an interview with the main players.
Reporter 1 We have two of the band members with us, who will be performing live at the reception tonight. So, Eric and Derek, how did your group manage to earn this
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once in a lifetime opportunity, it isn’t as if we have seen you on Britain’s got talent or the X-‐Factor.
Eric Och Aye, I think it might have helped that our lead singer sang with ‘Hope’ in his heart.
Derek When you walk on, with Hope in your heart, you’ll never walk alone.
Reporter 1 And what will you be performing at the reception.
Eric Och Aye,The reception, well that would be telling now wouldn’t it.
Derek Och Aye, Sworn to secrecy we are, but…
Reporter 1 Sorry to cut you short but we have to interrupt as Jane Smith, the wedding planner has just arrived. Jane can you fill us all in on the plan for the rest of the day? And are you pleased with the progress so far?
Jane Everything is going to plan, the bridesmaids will be arriving shortly, the princes are ready and waiting and the bride is running about 5 minutes late as scheduled. The sun is shining brightly for our open air ceremony here in the woods, a suitably romantic setting for the photographs and our lavish wedding banquet at which Johnnie & the Dreamers will be performing live and to which of course you will all be invited. Excuse me now ladies and gentlemen, I have a wedding to attend to.
Scene The Wedding is acted out on stage as the following songs are performed. SONGS: I HAD A DREAM & IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
At some point there will be a break for the following fairy dialogue to get everyone to the wedding. This needs to be before The Impossible Dream.
Bluebell That was so beautiful.
Marigold I know, pass me the tissues.
Peaches Oh, your mascara has run.
Rosebud Never mind, it was worth it.
Titania These mortals know how to put on a good show don’t they.
Cupid You can say that again.
Titania Oh my dear OB, you have to admit this is worth paying the SKY licence for.
OB Of course it is my Cherubim (aside to Punk), especially as the Cup Final is on the same Channel next week.
Titania Oh look, they’re about to say ‘I Do’. I wish we could be celebrating with them.
Cupid Do you think if we all just closed our eyes and dreamed…
Punk Maybe one last bit of Fairy Dust could get us all there, what say you, your
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majesty?
OB Dreaming never hurt anybody, if you just believe in your dreams you never know what might happen.
Punk Come on everybody, let’s all close our eyes and dream. That’s all of you out there as well, I know you’re only mortal, but you never know where it might lead if you just follow your dreams. So Close your eyes and count to 3 and jump into this dream with OB and me. One , two, three…
Titania I’ve always dreamed of being on the TV.
Scene The fairies are now part of the wedding scene. At the end of Impossible Dream, the wedding will be complete, possibly with a confetti shower and we go to the party as the band strike up with I’m a believer.
SONG: I’M A BELIEVER (and bows)
Song: DEFYING GRAVITY (Finale song)
