Scientific Writing, HRP 214 Weekly Quiz:. Scientific Writing, HRP 214 A. She doesn’t take...

Scientific Writing, HRP 214

Weekly Quiz:


A. She doesn’t take compliments well.

B. She doesn’t take complements well.


A. She doesn’t take A. She doesn’t take complimentscompliments well. well.

B. She doesn’t take complements well.


A. He’s not rational at that time of the day.

B. He’s not rationale at that time of the day.


A. He’s not A. He’s not rationalrational at that time of the day. at that time of the day.

B. He’s not rationale at that time of the day.


A. Her rationale was that the drugs would help alleviate the pain.

B. Her rational was that the drugs would help alleviate the pain.


A. Her A. Her rationalerationale was that the drugs would was that the drugs would help alleviate the pain.help alleviate the pain.

B. Her rational was that the drugs would help alleviate the pain.


A. We worked on localizing proteins in the cell from their phylogenetic profiles.

B. We worked on locating proteins in the cell from their phylogenetic profiles.


A. We worked on localizing proteins in the cell from their phylogenetic profiles.

B. We worked on B. We worked on locatinglocating proteins in the cell proteins in the cell from their phylogenetic profiles.from their phylogenetic profiles.


A. That action violated her principles.

B. That action violated her principals.


A. That action violated her A. That action violated her principlesprinciples..

B. That action violated her principals.


A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate sauce.

B. Cream and chocolate compose chocolate sauce.


A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate sauce.

B. Cream and chocolate B. Cream and chocolate composecompose chocolate chocolate sauce.sauce.


A. The dessert was comprised of cream and chocolate.

B. The dessert was composed of cream and chocolate.


A. The dessert was comprised of cream and chocolate.

B. The dessert was B. The dessert was composedcomposed of cream and of cream and chocolate.chocolate.


A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and chocolate.

B. Chocolate sauce comprises cream and chocolate.


A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and chocolate.

B. Chocolate sauce B. Chocolate sauce comprisescomprises cream and cream and chocolate.chocolate.


A. Cream and chocolate are comprised in chocolate sauce.

B. Cream and chocolate are composed of

chocolate sauce.


A. Cream and chocolate A. Cream and chocolate are comprised inare comprised in chocolate sauce.chocolate sauce.

B. Cream and chocolate are composed of

chocolate sauce.


A. She accepted the compliment without a word.

B. She accepted the complement without a word.


A. She accepted the A. She accepted the complimentcompliment without a without a word.word.

B. She accepted the complement without a word.


A. The sequencing of the human genome has been compared to a schoolyard brawl.

B. The sequencing of the human genome has been compared with a schoolyard brawl.


A. The sequencing of the human genome has A. The sequencing of the human genome has been compared been compared toto a schoolyard brawl. a schoolyard brawl.

B. The sequencing of the human genome has been compared with a schoolyard brawl.

.


A. You should take some ice cream; it’s complimentary.

B. You should take some ice cream; it’s complementary.


A. You should take some ice cream; it’s A. You should take some ice cream; it’s complimentarycomplimentary. .

B. You should take some ice cream; it’s complementary.


A. The 20-pound weight loss helped his self-confidence.

B. The 20 pound weight loss helped his self-confidence.


A. The A. The 20-pound weight loss20-pound weight loss helped his self- helped his self-confidence. confidence.

B. The 20 pound weight loss helped his self-confidence.


A. He was very complimentary of your work.

B. He was very complementary of your work.


A. He was very A. He was very complimentarycomplimentary of your work. of your work.

B. He was very complementary of your work.


A. Red and green are complementary colors.

B. Red and green are complimentary colors.


A. Red and green are A. Red and green are complementary colorscomplementary colors..B. Red and green are complimentary colors.

--Complementary colors are located directly across from each other on the color wheel. --Complementary pairs contrast because they share no common colors. (For example, red and green are complements, because green is made of blue and yellow.)


A. Each person is responsible for their grade.

B. Each person is responsible for his grade.


A. Each person is responsible for their grade.

B. Each person is responsible for B. Each person is responsible for hishis grade. grade.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 Meanings may differ based on S-V agreement re: number:

ORIGINAL:Public trust in the peer review process and the credibility of published

articles depend in part on how well conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and editorial decision making.

OR?:Public trust in the peer review process and the credibility of published

articles depends in part on how well conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and editorial decision making.


ORIGINAL: A + B verb plural

(Public trust in the peer review process) and (the credibility of published articles) depend in part on how well conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and editorial decision making.

OR?: Subject (clause item A + B) verb singular

Public trust in (the peer review process and the credibility of published articles) depends in part on how well conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and editorial decision making.


A serious problem in large-scale trials that [require/requires] the investment of tremendous resources, financial and otherwise, and [take/takes] years to complete [are/is] that their interpretation is often clouded by a problem in design or methodology that may not have been appreciated at an early stage of the study.


A serious problem*problem* in large-scale trialslarge-scale trials [that requirerequire the investment of tremendous resources, financial and otherwise, and taketake years to complete] is*is* that their interpretation is often clouded by a problem in design or methodology that may not have been appreciated at an early stage of the study.

PROBLEM is TRIALS require, take

Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK ANSWERS

1. The recent identification of high concentrations of aged urban pollutant haze in the Arctic Basin suggests the possibility of climate modification through the interaction of the haze with solar radiation. The presence of the absorbing aerosol layer over a high-albedo surface will lead to an enhancement in the absorption of solar radiation by the atmosphere and surface surface system. This additional heating will manifest itself as an increase in the temperature of the atmosphere and an increase in the rate of ice melt in the spring.


1. Investigators recently identified high concentrations of air pollution in the Arctic Basin. This layer of haze may trap solar energy in the Earth’s atmosphere, cause a rise in the Earth’s temperature, and accelerate the rate at which Arctic ice melts in the spring.


2. There are a number of known causes of epilepsy. However, epilepsy with a definite antecedent neurologic insult that is presumed to be causal applies to only about one-third of all cases of epilepsy. The remaining two-thirds are idiopathic/cryptogenic.


Possible rewrite… Epilepsy is caused by a known neurologic

insult in about one-third of cases; the remainder are idiopathic/cryptogenic.


3. There are difficulties in applying the syndrome classification to population-based studies. First, the necessary information may not be available. Second, syndromes are, in part, classified by prognosis, and therefore not applicable to incidence cases. Third, a large proportion of population-based cases may not fit. A system incorporating the syndrome classification as reasonably as possible into population-based studies is needed.


Possible rewrite…3. The current syndrome classification system is

inadequate in several respects: the necessary information is not always available; syndromes are, in part, classified by prognosis, and therefore not applicable to incident cases; and a large proportion of population-based cases don’t fit.


4. The two results are found to be in agreement.


Possible rewrite…

4. The two results agree.


5. There is enormous variety of clinical presentation, as symptoms vary depending on the tumors’ location, size, and malignant versus benign behavior.


Possible rewrite…5. Clinical presentation varies widely depending on a

tumor’s location and size, and whether it is malignant or benign.


6. Biostatistics can be a lot of fun because of the multidisciplinary team approach. In one project we have a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians: a whole range of specialties. When we all get together, everyone has a perspective to bring to the problem.


Possible rewrite…6. Our enjoyable multidisciplinary approach to

biostatistics brings together nutritionists, psychologists, statisticians, computer engineers, and dietitians—each of whom adds a different perspective to the problem.


7. The high-dissonance participants were paid a small sum of money while being given a free choice of whether to participate, whereas the participants we randomly assigned to the large-incentive treatment (the low-dissonance condition) were not offered the opportunity to refuse.


Possible rewrite…7. High-dissonance participants were paid a

small sum of money and were not required to participate; low-dissonance participants were paid a large sum of money and were required to participate.


8. The reasons for this exception are as follows: 1) although the assessment of birth cohort data often shares with other descriptive approaches a reliance on information that is usually available, it requires the application of an analytical approach with a level of complexity usually not found in descriptive epidemiology; and 2) this type of analysis is often key for the understanding of the observed association between age (often strongly associated with the occurrence of many diseases as well as their determinants) and disease in cross-sectional analysis."


Possible rewrite… 8. Birth cohort analysis will be treated

separately from other descriptive approaches because: 1) analyzing birth cohort data requires more complex statistical methods and 2) confounding by birth cohort is a common problem in cross-sectional studies.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM UP

Anti-inflammatory agents may be protective for the occurrence of Alzheimer’s Disease and may reduce the progression of the disease.

Identify the problems…-- “to be” is a weak verb (may be protective)--you don’t protect for, you protect against (word choice)--occurrence is a vague, weak noun--can you “reduce” progression? (word choice)--progression of disease disease progression


Anti-inflammatory agents may be protective for the occurrence of Alzheimer’s Disease and may reduce the progression of the disease. Anti-inflammatory agents may protect against Alzheimer’s Disease and retard disease progression.


Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.

Identify the problems…--where’s the verb?--watch fluff words like “important”--can changes occur without being “over time”?-- “changes in the characteristics of the population” is

vague and wordy


Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.

Studies have begun to describe the epidemiology of autism, including recent changes in the disorder’s prevalence and characteristics.


Lecture Five: Writing Basics III

Putting it all together and a few last points…


REVIEW: paragraphs and organization

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that

virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of these causes were categorized by the International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most common types of primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214verb-tally

Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of these causes were categorized by the International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most common types of primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

to be: 8; to have: 2; passive verbs: 1; Others experiences, distinguishes

Scientific Writing, HRP 214wordiness tally


Scientific Writing, HRP 214avoid meta-comment


Scientific Writing, HRP 214outline ideas


Scientific Writing, HRP 214Idea flow chart (outline)…I. The IHS classifies headaches by cause, which may be primary or secondary.

Main idea of the paragraph

A. Primary headache disorders are…

B. Secondary headache disorders are…

Supporting ideas define primary and secondaryi. Most common examples include:

episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine

i. Example include: brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury

Sub-supporting ideas illustrative examples of primary and secondary

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of these causes were categorized by the International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders.

Repetition can sometimes help transitions, but here it’s just repetitive!


Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone experiences. The International Headache Society (IHS) groups headaches into two types based on cause: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders.

I. The IHS classifies headaches by cause, which may be primary or secondary.


Scientific Writing, HRP 214Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most common types of primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.

Unnecessary repetition

Effectcause / illogical order! Avoid, if possible…

Empty words Also, consider ordering: first

(primary), then second (secondary)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main complaint. The two most common types of primary headache disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.




Supporting ideas define primary and secondary


i. Most common examples include: episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine



Scientific Writing, HRP 214together…

Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone experiences. The International Headache Society (IHS) groups headaches into two types based on cause: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main complaint. The two most common types of primary headache disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Compare to outline…I. The IHS classifies headaches by cause, which may be primary or secondary.




Supporting ideas define primary and secondaryi. Most common examples include:

episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine




A note: paraphrasing and plagiarism…

Scientific Writing, HRP 214a few notes on paraphrasing…

Use your own words

Work from memory

Draw your own conclusions

Do not simply re-arrange the original author’s words

Do not mimic the original author’s sentence structure

Scientific Writing, HRP 214paraphrasing

Unacceptable:An ape who knew sign language unsettled linguists and startled animal behaviorists.

Unacceptable:If the presence of a sign-language-using chimp was disturbing for scientists studying language, it was also surprising to scientists studying animal behavior.

Fine:When they learned of an ape's ability to use sign language, both linguists and animal behaviorists were taken by surprise.

Original:“If the existence of a signing ape was unsettling for linguists, it was also startling news for animal behaviorists.”

Plagiarism exampleOriginal passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):

“One possibility is that the dose of estrogen effective in treating postmenopausal women is inadequate in a younger population. Second, whether continued improvement in bone mass can be seen in patients treated for a duration of time longer than the current study is unknown. A third possibility is that patients were not compliant with hormone therapy….A fourth and likely explanation is that estrogen therapy alone cannot correct the multiple factors contributing to bone loss in women with anorexia nervosa. In addition to profound estrogen deficiency, nutritional and other hormonal variables have been implicated in the pathogenesis of bone loss. These factors, including IGF-1 deficiency cortisol excess and decreased androgen production are unaffected by estrogen administration and may have a continuing deleterious effect on bone mass.”

Plagiarism examplePlagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002):

“One possibility is that the dose of estrogen estrogen dose which is effective in treating postmenopausal women is inadequate in a younger population. Second, whether continued improvement in bone mass can may be seen in patients treated for a duration of time longer longer period of time than the current study is unknown. A third possibility is that patients were not compliant with hormone therapy….A fourth third and more likely explanation is that estrogen therapy alone cannot correct the multiple factors contributing to bone loss in women with anorexia nervosa AN. In addition to profound estrogen deficiency hypoestrogenism, nutritional and other hormonal variables have been implicated in the pathogenesis of bone loss. These factors, including IGF-1 deficiency cortisol excess and decreased androgen production are unaffected by estrogen administration and may have a continuing deleterious effect on bone mass.”

Plagiarism example, same paper

Original passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):“Our data demonstrate that, despite its usefulness in perimenopausal women, estrogen and progestin administration does not reverse the profound osteopenia seen in all young women with anorexia nervosa. Trabecular bone loss is severe and may progress despite estrogen therapy.”

Plagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002): “In conclusion, our data demonstrate that, despite its usefulness in

perimenopausal women, estrogen and gestagen administration does not reverse the profound osteopenia seen in all young women with AN. Trabecular bone loss is severe and may progress despite estrogen therapy.”

Plagiarism example, same paperOriginal passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):

“There are no prospective studies of trabecular BD in adult women with anorexia nervosa, and it is unknown whether there is a progressive and permanent decline in bone mass. Although the role of estrogen replacement therapy in preventing bone loss in premenopausal women is clearly established, no studies have addressed whether is is beneficial in young women with premenopausal osteopenia.”

Plagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002): “There are some published data on trabecular bone mineral density (BMD) in

adult women with AN. but it is still unknown whether there is a progressive or permanent decline in bone mass. Although the role of estrogen replacement therapy in preventing bone loss in menopausal women has been clearly established, no studies have been carried out to determine whether it is beneficial in young women with premenopausal osteopenia”

PlagiarismFrom page 7 of McCafferty’s first novel: “Bridget is my age and lives across the street. For the first twelve years of my life, these qualifications were all I needed in a best friend. But that was before Bridget’s braces came off and her boyfriend Burke got on, before Hope and I met in our seventh-grade honors classes.

From page 14 of Viswanathan’s novel: “Priscilla was my age and lived two blocks away. For the first fifteen years of my life, those were the only qualifications I needed in a best friend. We had first bonded over our mutual fascination with the abacus in a playgroup for gifted kids. But that was before freshman year, when Priscilla’s glasses came off, and the first in a long string of boyfriends got on.”

PlagiarismFrom page 213 of McCafferty’s first novel: “Marcus then leaned across me to open the passenger-side door. He was invading my personal space, as I had learned in Psych class, and I instinctively sank back into the seat. That just made him move in closer. I was practically one with the leather at this point, and unless I hopped into the backseat, there was nowhere else for me to go.”

From page 175 of Viswanathan’s novel: “Sean stood up and stepped toward me, ostensibly to show me the book. He was definitely invading my personal space, as I had learned in a Human Evolution class last summer, and I instinctively backed up till my legs hit the chair I had been sitting in. That just made him move in closer, until the grommets in the leather embossed the backs of my knees, and he finally tilted the book toward me.”

Scientific Writing, HRP 214REVISING

The revision process…

Another example: Original paper (2004): Although earlier registry-based

analyses of second neoplasms after breast cancer (BC) did not detect an increased risk of cutaneous melanoma (CM),[1][2] several more recent registry-based[3][4] and hospital-based[5] studies have documented a statistically significant increased risk of CM after BC with standardized incidence ratios (SIRs) ranging from 1.4 to 2.7.

Second paper (2009): Recent registry-based [1,2] and hospital-based [3,4] studies have documented a statistically significant increased risk of CM after BC with standardized incidence ratios (SIRs) ranging from 1.4 to 2.7.

(references are the same)

Scientific Writing, HRP 214REVISING

Don’t be afraid to cut.

Experiment with re-arranging your words and paragraphs (try alternative permutations). (zoom in)

Give your work an “organizational review.” (zoom out)

Read your work out loud.***

Work with a good editor.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Organizational check-list: Are the “what,” “so what,” and “why” explained in your

opening paragraphs?

Are the introductory and historical materials arranged to support the new developments?

Are details arranged in descending order of importance?e.g. summarize the main point prior to listing the specific examples—especially important when many background studies exist

Scientific Writing, HRP 214When revising, think of the inverted pyramid:

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Checklist for a polished story:Do any scientific terms need defining or clarification?Is the language as straightforward and energetic as you can make it?Are there dead weight words or phrases?Have you used the passive voice unnecessarily?Is sentence structure needlessly complex?Is tense consistent throughout?Does every paragraph have a purpose?Is the overall organization as logical as you can make it?Are there any inconsistencies?Does it read like a story? Or are you bored to tears reading it?

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Developing your voice as a writer…

Recall the things you can do to become a better writer… Read, pay attention, and imitate. Let go of “academic” writing habits (deprogramming step!) Talk about your research before trying to write about it. Develop a thesaurus habit. Search for the right word rather than settling for any old

word. Respect your audience—try not to bore them! Stop waiting for “inspiration.” Accept that writing is hard for everyone. Revise. Nobody gets it perfect on the first try. Learn how to cut ruthlessly. Never become too attached to your words. Find a good editor!


Developing your voice as a writer… take risks

read your work out loud

read your work to a friend

work with a good editor

write in a journal

use the thesaurus

read a variety of sources and voices

write as if you are telling a story to a friend


A final note on writing:

Save often and back up your files!


And finally…

This week’s Top 5 countdown:

Grammar rules to follow…


1. Use a comma before every (even the last) and or or in a series of three or more items.

RIGHT: the cats, the dogs, and the fish

WRONG: the cats, the dogs and the fish


2. In a list, use commas to separate three or more items that do not have internal commas; use semicolons to separate three or more elements that do have internal commas.

He said this about your cat: she’s loud, like a dog; she’s fast, like a cheetah; and she’s aloof, like a woman.

He said this about your cat: she’s loud, fast, and aloof.


3. Use a hyphen in all “self” compounds or in compounds in which the base word is capitalized, a number, or an abbreviation

self-employedself-starterpro-Clinton pre-1990 pre-AIDS


4. Do not use hyphens in compounds using an adverb ending in “ly” or in compounds using a comparative or superlative adjective

widely believed fallacy

previously reported study

better informed man

best dressed man

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 More examples, hyphenation:

The man is well known.But…He is a well-known man.But again… He is an exceptionally well known man.

The man stood 10 feet tall.But…He is a 10-foot tall man.

The project seemed ill fated.But…It was an ill-fated project.

The scientists proceeded step by step.But…They followed step-by-step instructions.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Grammar rules to follow

5. Write out integers from 1 to 9 (inclusive) unless they represent precise measurements or are being compared with numbers greater than 10. Write out numbers 10 if they begin a sentence.

She ate five ducks for dinner. The duck weighed 5.2 pounds. The duck’s beak measured 3 inches. The duck weighed 5 pounds but the dog weighed 50. Fifty-five ducks were in the pond.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Homework:

Read: Read chapters 13-16 of Sin and Syntax (pp.

197-finish) Read Chapter 5 of Successful Scientific Writing Letter to the Editor assignment:

Draft a Letter to the Editor regarding an article in your discipline. Follow journal guidelines for the Letter.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time…

• Now we begin with scientific writing…

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Style guidelines

Write with a specific journal in mind and follow their on-line style guidelines…

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Verb tense for scientific papers

Use the active voice. Possible exceptions: within Methods

and when the subject is unknown. Use the past tense for an action or a condition that

occurred at a specific, definite time in the past e.g., “Smith et al. showed the same results.”

Use the present tense when discussing opinions or positions by authors cited in your literature review (e.g., Smith asserts).

except if the source has been dead for a long time (e.g., Mendel believed…).

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 Weekly Quiz:. Scientific Writing, HRP 214 A. She doesn’t take...

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