Scientific English - Fudan...

Scientific EnglishInstructor: Antoine Riaud

[email protected]

Week 13: Condensing and wrapping up

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In the previous course: flow

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Type 1: teamwork: all sentences worktogether on the same topic.

Type 2: relay: sentences link each other to move from one topic to another.

In the previous course: flow and energy

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Molecules are comprised of covaletly bonded atoms. Molecules’ reactions are controlled by the strength of the bonds. Molecules, however, sometimes reactslower than bond strength would predict.

Molecules are comprised of covaletly bonded atoms. Bond’s strength controlsa molecule’s reactions. Sometimes, however, those reactions slower thanbond strength would predict.

Molecules… bonded atoms Molecules… bonds’ strength Molecules… bond strength would predict

Topic… stress Topic… stress Topic… stress

Molecules… bonded atoms Bond’s strength… reactions Reactions… bond strength

Topic… stress Topic… stress Topic… stress

List

Story


• List: the reader has to find the link himself/herself

• Story: you do it for him/her.

• Make the reader’s job easy

• Link: stress-topic not always the same but related

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• Method 1: connect stress and topic• Similar concepts

• Passive voice

• Method 2: remove the irrelevant part (clean up the arcs)

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In the previous course: energy

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opening resolution

action

subject

verb

objectTopic Stress

This is the context:Familiar schema/character

Arcs are weakened by:- passive voice- fuzzy verbs- nominalization

In the previous course: energy

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Passive voice Fuzzy verbs Nominalization

Use with caution(allows inverting stress and topic)

Avoid Avoid

Prefer active voice

Prefer action verbs

Prefer action verbs

In the previous course: words

Make the reader focus on your data and ideas instead of your words (and the dictionary)

• Jargon

• Technical terms

• French and Latin

• Prepositional phrases vs compound nouns

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In the previous course: words

• These rules are tricks to energize your writing and improve the flow

• Paper clarity should always remain the priority

• Sometimes you should not play by the rules:

“Despite the tantalizing evidence for Universe expansion, in no instance has dark energy interactionwith tachyons been observed.”

Passive voice+nominalization+prepositional phrase: looks really bad locally but a great choice for the paper overall.

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Power position (2-3-1)+arcs

Condensing and wrapping up

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Condensing10-Jul-2019

Journal: Analytical ChemistryManuscript ID: ac-2019-03067hTitle: "Mechanical characterization of cells and microspheres sorted by acoustophoresis with in-line resistive pulse sensing"Author(s): Riaud, Antoine; Thai, Anh; Wang, Wei; Taly, Valerie

Dear Dr. Riaud:

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to Analytical Chemistry. We look forward to working with you to begin the publication process.

Unfortunately, the submitted version of the manuscript greatly exceeds our journal’s page limit guidelines. Experience teaches us that lengthy manuscripts often involve peer review that is slowed and less detailed. The length guidelines (http://pubs.acs.org/page/ancham/submission/authors.html) state a maximum length of eight journal pages for Articles…

http://pubs.acs.org/page/ancham/submission/authors.html

Condensing

• Letters: length limit ~4000 words (4-6 pages)

• Method 1: just change the font size.

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Condensing

• Letters: length limit ~4000 words (4-6 pages)

• Stephen King (Carrie):• “Final length = initial length -10%”

• We are not as skilled: cut 20%?

• “prune then shake”

13Prune: remove individual wordsShake: does your paper still makes

sense?

Condensing

• What should you check?• Redundancies

• Obvious

• Modifiers: adjectives & adverbs (“greatly increases”)

• Metadiscourse (“here we show”)

• Verbosity

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Condensing

Use several words where one does all the work that needs doing

“Here, we will develop, test and apply a new synthetic approach to produce photovoltaic plastics.”

• test ⊂ develop

• produce ⊂ synthetic

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Redundancies [pleonasm]

Condensing


“Here, we will develop, test and apply a new synthetic approach to produce photovoltaic plastics.”

• test ⊂ develop

• produce ⊂ synthetic

“Here, we will develop, and apply a new approach to produce photovoltaic plastics.”

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Condensing


“Most, but not all of the transducers were usable.”

• most = a majority (not all)

“Most of the transducers were usable.”

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Condensing


“The effectiveness of support vector machine in flavor recognition provides a proof of principle for the feasibility of using these algorithms for explosive detection.”

• Proof of principle ⇒ feasibility

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Condensing


“The effectiveness of support vector machine in flavor recognition provides a proof of principle for the feasibility of using these algorithms for explosive detection.”

• Proof of principle ⇒ feasibility

“The effectiveness of support vector machine in flavor recognition suggests the feasibility of using these algorithms for explosive detection.”

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Condensing

Similar to redundant, except that obvious uses a well-known or implied idea instead of an explicit word

“There is evidence that acoustic fields can modulate neuron expression [Ibsen et al.].”

• Citation ⇒ evidence (or use other words: argue/suggest/propose)

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Obvious (tautology)

Condensing


“There is evidence that acoustic fields can modulate neuron expression [Ibsen et al.].”

• Citation ⇒ evidence (or use other words: argue/suggest/propose)

• “Acoustic fields can modulate neuron expression [Ibsen et al.].”

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Obvious (tautology)

Condensing


“Bandgap is a characteristic of non-conducting insulators that is critical in capacitor design.”

• Bandgap ∈ material characteristics

• Insulators are non-conducting

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Obvious (tautology)

Condensing


“Bandgap is a characteristic of non-conducting insulators that is critical in capacitor design.”

• Bandgap ∈ material characteristics

• Insulators are non-conducting

• “Insulator bandgap is critical in capacitor design.”

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Obvious (tautology)

Condensing

Adjectives modify the nouns, adverbs modify the rest, but good words need no modification

“The adverb is not your friend” – Stephen King

“The entire reaction sequence takes less than one hour to complete.”

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Modifiers: adverbs and adjectives

Condensing


“The adverb is not your friend” – Stephen King


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Condensing


“The gold layer dramatically increased the wave attenuation.”

Dramatically ∈ fuzzy adjectives: not concrete

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Condensing


“The gold layer dramatically increased the wave attenuation.”

Dramatically ∈ fuzzy adjectives: not concrete

“The gold layer increased the wave attenuation by 30 dB.”

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Empty amplifiers: add no information:• Certain(ly)• Dramatic(ally)• Entire(ly)• High(ly)

Condensing

Adjectives modify the nouns, adverbs modify the rest, but good words need no modification “The immune system uses a highly effective control mechanism that effectively discriminates between self and nonself.”Prune:“The immune system uses a highly effective control mechanism that effectively discriminates between self and nonself.”Shake:“The immune system uses a control mechanism that discriminates between self and nonself.”

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Looks empty:• What is the control mechanism?• How is it efficient?

Condensing

Adjectives modify the nouns, adverbs modify the rest, and the modification add new information

“The first phase of the reaction sequence takes less than one hour to complete.”


“Preliminary results indicate that the driving force might be dielectrophoresis.”

“Final results indicate that the driving force might be dielectrophoresis.”

In grey: no new information

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Good Modifiers: adverbs and adjectives

Condensing

Description of your actions and thoughts, rather than just the material at hand

• We found that

• We argue that

• Our initial hypothesis was that

• These data indicate

• To conclude

• In this study

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Metadiscourse

Useful for the conclusion

Condensing

Description of your actions and thoughts, rather than just the material at hand

• “We found that aniline did not react with…”

• If this is in the results section, it is obviously your result -> “Aniline did not react…”

• “In this study, we measured the energy consumption…”

• You measured something: very likely to be in this study.

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Metadiscourse

Condensing

Sentences that ramble endlessly

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Verbosity

Condensing


• “The data show that some enhancement in the applicability of these measurements can be accomplished with freeze-fracture prior to analysis by laser-ablation mass spectroscopy”

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Verbosity

Condensing


• “The data show that some enhancement in the applicability of these measurements can be accomplished with freeze-fracture prior to analysis by laser-ablation mass spectroscopy”

• “Freeze-fracture improved analysis by laser-ablation mass spectroscopy.”

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Verbosity

Condensing


• “Maximizing the ANN accuracy requires both optimizing the network structure and the regularization hyperparameters. The network structure was an AlexNet with a dropout rate of 20%.”

• “Maximizing the ANN accuracy requires an AlexNetstructure and a dropout rate of 20%.”

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Verbosity

Condensing

Name your variables

• 25 words per line of equation

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Equations

𝐻 =1

1 + 𝑖𝑄𝜔𝜔0

−𝜔𝜔0

2

where 𝜔0 =𝐿

𝐶 (same as an acronym)

Condensing

Name your functions

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Equations

𝑊𝑙 =1

2𝜋𝑖𝑙න−𝜋

𝜋

𝑒−𝑖𝑙−𝑖𝒌∙𝒓𝑑ψ

Condensing

Skip logical steps

P = nRT/V (1)

ρ = m/V (2)

m = nM (3)

ρ = Mn/V

n/V=ρ/M

Combining (1) to (3):

P = RTρ/M

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Equations

Condensing

“In the modern of era of machine learning, access to large labeled datasets is critical, but rarely achievable for the purpose of training medical diagnostic classifier. The challenge is to effectively transfer general dataset learning into a reliable specialized medical diagnostic in ways that provide transparent decision criteria.””

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Condensing to clarify

Condensing

“In the modern of era of machine learning, access to large labeled datasets is critical, but rarely achievable for the purpose of training medical diagnostic classifier. The challenge is to effectively transfer general dataset learning into a reliable specialized medical diagnostic in ways that provide transparent decision criteria.”

• In the modern of era of machine learning: obvious

• purpose of training: metadiscourse

• diagnostic classifier: redundant

• effectively: empty modifier

• general dataset learning: redundant

• reliable specialized medical diagnostic: obvious

• transparent decision criteria: verbose (criteria?)

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Condensing

“Access to large labeled datasets is critical, but rarely achievable for training medical classifiers. The challenge is to extrapolate available data to a specialized clinical field in a transparent way.”

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Putting it all together: real editing

While you find something wrong:

• Check the Structure• OCAR/ABDCE/LDR -- arcs

• Check the Clarity• Ideas clear and concrete?

• Check the Flow• Broken arcs? Extraneous thoughts?

• Check the Language• Make it look good

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How many times should you repeat this cycle?

• Anne Lamott: 3 times

• Joshua Schimel: 7-8 times

• Young scientist: 12-15 times

• First paper: 20-30 times?

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Mona Lisa

• Started in 1503

• Completed in …

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Mona Lisa

• Started in 1503

• Completed in 1519

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Dealing with limitations

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What is the common point between these two gossips?


• Nobody likes disappointments

• Same for your paper

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Spell out all the limitations first: “but, yes”

• Be honest

• Be clear

• Place it well (not on the power positions)

• Sandwich method:• Positive

• Negative

• Positive

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• Case 1: The results do not answer your original question• Change the question (do not loose time trying many

journals, forget 1区 2区, use your time well)

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• Case 2: The methods have issues:• Assumptions (the maximum current is limited by the

Joule’s heating): discuss it

• Noise: keep it and add the processed signal (or if the noise is very large, provide the data in SI)

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• Case 3: The theory has issues:• Assumptions (small signal, linear response, toy model,

order of magnitude): spell it

• No perfect match between experiment and theory. If you mentioned your assumptions first, it should be fine.

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• Case 4: The discussion has issues (tricky):• Do not discuss the limitations on the power positions

• At the first 10-30% of the discussion is best

• Briefly

• Honestly

• Move on

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• Briefly

• Honestly

• Move on

“Despite the limited resolution, the hexagonal pattern of the metamaterial is clearly visible.”

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• Briefly

• Honestly

• Move on

“Despite the limited resolution, the hexagonal pattern of the metamaterial is clearly visible.”

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• Case 5: mention limitations in the conclusion (verytricky):• Best: break your conclusion in 2 paragraphs: limitations

and conclusion. Then start last paragraph with “despite these limitations”

“Despite these limitations, the method proposed here…”

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Resources

• All lectures are available on my website (http://homepage.fudan.edu.cn/ariaud/)

• Writing Science: How to Write Papers That Get Cited and Proposals That Get Funded – Joshua Schimel (Oxford University Press)

• Reminder: 2nd assignment by December 26 (edit your 2 pages paper, use the course ideas = story structure, SUCCES, OCAR and so on)

Website

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http://homepage.fudan.edu.cn/ariaud/

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