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Module 6: Later in Life & Marriages & Blended Families More Than Friends Marriage Preparation Worksheet Note: This Module assumes: a) You have completed Modules 1 to 5. This means that you have done important, helpful work which has formed a firm basis upon which to begin this Module. b) More love cannot hurt. It can only help you, especially if you are a child, even an adult child. This is an assumpDon running through all of these Modules, but it bears special aEenDon in this Module. In second and/or later marriages, there are oGen children that come with one or both partners. SomeDmes these children are young adults or adults. SomeDmes the other parent of this child or other people in the family will assume that now that the parent is remarrying or bringing another partner into the family that a child’s love will be divided. It never works this way. Love is not a pie to be divided up. Love is instead an ongoing investment that grows and provides emoDonal and spiritual dividends beyond our imagining. The more children are loved, the more they thrive and build important bonds. In the beginning, a step-parent, (or parent-by- marriage, or chosen-parent) may oGen be offering up their love with no obvious immediate return as children adjust. SomeDmes it can take years. However, any love offered with grace is always having an effect, whether it is visible or not. c) Spouses coming into a second and/or later marriage bring resilience with them. Blended families have their own paEerns of resilience that are discoverable through experimentaDon, much discussion and tenacity. You need to have faith in the reality of resilience. ____________________________________________________________________________ 1) As you consider your upcoming wedding, what do you look most forward to? Couple worksheet #6 & #7 www.morethanfriends.live Page of 1 4 SAMPLE PAGES. FORMATTED FOR USE IN THE COUPLE PACKAGE.
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!Module 6: Later in Life & Marriages & Blended Families
More Than Friends Marriage Preparation Worksheet
Note:ThisModuleassumes:
a)YouhavecompletedModules1to5.Thismeansthatyouhavedoneimportant,helpfulworkwhichhasformedafirmbasisuponwhichtobeginthisModule.
b)Morelovecannothurt.Itcanonlyhelpyou,especiallyifyouareachild,evenanadultchild.ThisisanassumpDonrunningthroughalloftheseModules,butitbearsspecialaEenDoninthisModule.Insecondand/orlatermarriages,thereareoGenchildrenthatcomewithoneorbothpartners.SomeDmesthesechildrenareyoungadultsoradults.SomeDmestheotherparentofthischildorotherpeopleinthefamilywillassumethatnowthattheparentisremarryingorbringinganotherpartnerintothefamilythatachild’slovewillbedivided.Itneverworksthisway.Loveisnotapietobedividedup.LoveisinsteadanongoinginvestmentthatgrowsandprovidesemoDonalandspiritualdividendsbeyondourimagining.Themorechildrenareloved,themoretheythriveandbuildimportantbonds.Inthebeginning,astep-parent,(orparent-by-marriage,orchosen-parent)mayoGenbeofferinguptheirlovewithnoobviousimmediatereturnaschildrenadjust.SomeDmesitcantakeyears.However,anyloveofferedwithgraceisalwayshavinganeffect,whetheritisvisibleornot.
c)Spousescomingintoasecondand/orlatermarriagebringresiliencewiththem.BlendedfamilieshavetheirownpaEernsofresiliencethatarediscoverablethroughexperimentaDon,muchdiscussionandtenacity.Youneedtohavefaithintherealityofresilience.____________________________________________________________________________
1)Asyouconsideryourupcomingwedding,whatdoyoulookmostforwardto?
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!2)Asyouconsideryourupcomingwedding,listsomeofthechallengesthatyouhavecomethroughtogetherasyouhavemadeplansandarrangements.
3)Name3learningsthatyouhavegainedfromyourpreviousmarriage(ifmarriedbefore).
4)Whatstrengths,abiliDesandgiEsdoyoubringintothismarriage?Whatstrengths,abiliDesandgiEsdothosepeopleaFachedtoyournewspousebringintoyourrelaDonshipwiththem?(i.echildren,in-laws,ex’s)
5)WhattermdoyouprefertobecalledbyyournewrelaDves?(Mom?Dad?First-name?Other?)Howhaveyouconsultedwiththeminthisregard?Dotheypreferdifferentterms?
6)Whatarrangementswillyoumakeintermsofimportantholidaysandfamilyoccasions?Ifchildrenareinvolved,howcanyoucommunicatehowyoucareaboutthem?Ifan“ex”isinvolved,howcanyourelateinawaythatcausestheleastdisrupDontothechildren,butalsotakesyourownneedsintoaccount?
7)Ifchildrenorgrand-childrenareinvolvedwithoneorbothpartners,howcanyouadvocateforyourpartner’saccessinthe“line-up”?
8)WhenyourpartneristreatedwithdisrespectorhosDlityinfamilyorfriendgatherings,howwillyousupporthim/her?
9)Haveyoudonesomeestateplanningtogetheranddiscussedtheresultswithadultchildren?ThiscanoEenrelieveanxieDeswithinfamiliesandprovideagoodbasisforongoingcordialrelaDonships.
WhenyouhavefinishedansweringthesequesDons,shareyourresponseswithyourpartner.Aretheresurprises?WhatdoyoufindcomforDngoraffirming?
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Module 7: Same Gender Marriages More Than Friends Marriage Preparation Worksheet
Note:ThisModuleassumesthatyouhavecompletedModules1to5.Thismeansthatyouhavedoneimportant,helpfulworkwhichhasformedafirmbasisuponwhichtobeginthisModule.
Whenyouthinkaboutyourmarriageday,whatdoyoulookforwardtothemost?
Whenyouthinkofyourmarriageday,aretherepeoplewhowillbemissingorotherswhohaveexpressednegaDvefeelingstowardyourmarriagebecauseyouaremarryingasame-sexpartner?TakesomeDmetowritedownyourfeelingsaboutthis.
Arethereanycircumstancesinwhichyoumayneedtolimitcontactwithanyofthesepersons?
Who,inyourlifehasexpressedjoyforyoubecauseyouhavechosentomarryyourbeloved?Listthepeoplewhoarehappyforyouandwhocareforthepersonyouhavechosentomarry.
Howmanyoftheabovepeoplearefamily?Howmanyarefriends?Howmanydoyouhaveincommonwithyourpartner?HowmanywillyouseeonaregularbasisaEerthewedding.Howmanyarecomingtoyourwedding?Itisimportanttorememberwhosupportsyouinyourongoinglifeandtokeepconnectedtothesepeople.
Whatsurname(s)haveyouchosen?Howwouldyoulikepeopletoaddressyourbeloved(wife,spouse,husband…)?
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Merging”canbeaproblemforlong-Dmemarriages.Thishappenswhenacouplebecomessofamiliarwitheachotherthattheybecomesimilarinmanyrespects.Allofushaveseencoupleswhobegintoresembleeachotherastheyage!Whenthishappens,couplesmayfindsexualinterestdropsoffastherelaDonshipmovesintomoreofa“sibling”kindofrelaDonship.Passionisthepricepaidformerging.Forheterosexualcouples,mergingcanhappen,butthereisthedifferenceingenderthatslowsandrestrainstheprocess.Howcanandwillyouencouragetheuniquedifferencesthatdrewyoutogetherasyourmarriedlifeunfolds?Whatareyourdifferences?Whichofthesedoyoufindendearing?Whichdoyoufindannoying?
WhenyouhavefinishedansweringthesequesDons,shareyourresponseswithyourpartner.Aretheresurprises?WhatdoyoufindcomforDngoraffirming?
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