The Emotional Cycle of Deployment

Presented by Military & Family Life Counselors

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Agenda

» Pre-Deployment

– Stage 1: Anticipation of loss

– Stage 2: Detachment and withdrawal

– Tips for managing pre-deployment

» Deployment

– Stage 3: Emotional disorganization

– Stage 4: Recovery and stabilization

– Tips for managing pre-deployment

» Reunion

– Stage 5: Anticipation of homecoming

– Stage 6: Renegotiation of marriage contract

– Stage 7: Reintegration and stabilization

– Tips for managing pre-deployment

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Objectives

Participants will learn:

» The emotional phases of deployment

» Possible effects of the deployment phases

» Tips for managing the deployment phases

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Three Phases of Deployment

» Pre-Deployment

» Deployment

» Reunion

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Pre-Deployment

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Pre-Deployment Phase, Stage 1

Anticipation of Loss» Occurs four to six weeks before deployment

» Possible reactions– Restlessness

– Sadness

– Irritability

– Anger and resentment (spouse)

– Guilt (military member)

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Pre-Deployment Phase, Stage 2

Detachment and Withdrawal» Occurs during final days before departure

» Possible reactions– Despair / hopelessness

– Decision making may become increasingly difficult

– Ambivalence about sexual relations

– Emotional distancing

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Tips for Managing Pre-Deployment

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Pre-Deployment Considerations

» Prepare for deployment now

» Prepare family members

» Communicate with your family

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Have a Plan in Place

Financial Matters» Budget

» Allotments

» Bills

» Goals

Legal Matters» ID Card

» Power of Attorney

» Wills

» Family Care Plan

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Have a Plan in Place

Practical Matters» Security

» Healthcare issues

» Household & vehicle

» Passport

Personal Matters» Spouses

» Children

» Other relatives and friends

» Loved ones

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Staying in Touch During Deployment

» “Snail” Mail

» Tape Recordings

» Telephone Calls

» E-Mail

» Video

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Deployment

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Deployment Phase, Stage 3

Emotional Disorganization» Occurs during first 6 weeks of deployment

» Possible reactions– Initial relief followed by guilt

– Feeling numb or without purpose

– Sadness and withdrawal from friends

– Overwhelmed with responsibility

– Difficulty sleeping

– Restless, angry, confused, disorganized, indecisive, irritable

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Deployment Phase, Stage 4

Recovery and Stabilization» Variable duration between stages 3 and 5

» Possible reactions– Established new family patterns and settled into a routine

– More comfortable with reorganization of roles and responsibilities

– Cultivated new sources of support

– Pride in ability to cope alone

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Tips for Managing Deployment

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Managing Deployment

» Develop a daily routine

» Send notes, emails, letters to your service member as often as possible

» Create care packages for your Service Member

» Volunteer

» Display your flag

» Seek support from family and friends

» Practice self-care

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Tips for the Service Member

» Seek support from your battle buddies» Avoid consuming too much alcohol» Talk, send an email or write to your partner as often

as possible» Stay focused on the mission and reuniting with your

partner and family after deployment

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Safety Precautions for the Spouse

Use Good Judgment» Other than family, friends and colleagues, don’t tell people

your spouse is gone

» When someone calls asking for your spouse – never tell them your spouse isn’t home

» Don’t discuss their absence in public, even with friends

» Don’t give social security numbers to persons over the phone unless you are requesting a service or information that requires it

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Practice Self-Care

» Get plenty of rest

» Maintain a healthy diet

» Exercise

» Practice relaxation

» Laugh

» Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine

» Minimize the amount of news you watch or read

» Listen to soothing music

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Reunion

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Moving into Reunion Phase, Stage 5

Anticipation of Homecoming» Occurs during the last six weeks of deployment

» Possible reactions– Feelings of joy, excitement, apprehension

– Reevaluation of marriage and the effects on the family

– Restlessness, frantic activity to finish projects

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Reunion Phase, Stage 5 continued

Anticipation of Homecoming » Possible reactions

– Confusion

– Changes in appetite

– Decisions may become harder to make

– Irritability

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Reunion Phase, Stage 6

Renegotiation of the Marriage Contract» Occurs during six weeks after the end of deployment

» Possible reactions– Physical togetherness, emotional distance

– Loss of freedom and independence

– Establish new routines

– Renegotiation of assumptions and expectations of marriage

– Adjustments in roles and responsibilities

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Reunion Phase, Stage 7

Reintegration and Stabilization» Occurs six to twelve weeks after the end of deployment

» Characteristics– New routines have been established

– Relaxed, comfortable feelings

– Sense of being a couple and a family again

– Back on track emotionally and able to enjoy warmth and closeness of being married

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Tips for Managing Reunion

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Managing Reunion

» Communicate openly

» Go slow and be patient

» Make time for yourself and allow others free time as well

» Stay positive

» Reconnect with your social network

» Don’t expect old problems to have gone away

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Managing Reunion continued

» Curb your desire to take control

» Accept that things may be different

» Take time to become reacquainted

» Remember that intimate relationships may be awkward at first

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Reunion Phase, Stage 6

Communication is of utmost importanceHere are a few communication tips:» Be open to what the other person has to say

» Inform instead of order

» Don’t assume that people can read your mind or know how you feel

» Listen with your full attention or set up another time to talk

» Practice communication of your thoughts and feelings. It will become easier with practice

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When to Seek Help

» If the stress of the deployment cycle is interfering with your ability to function in daily life, and coping methods are not working, don’t be afraid to seek help from a Chaplain, Military Community Services or Behavioral Health Service

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Summary

» Pre-deployment phase is characterized by anticipation of loss

» Deployment phase: relief that the waiting is over. Emotions can become intensified

» During reunion, after initial readjustments to roles are made, the couple can begin to feel a sense of closeness again

» Communication during reunion is essential

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Questions

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Resources

» Military Community Services– i.e. Family Services, legal assistance (for power of attorney

assistance) installation home web site, PFC/PFM for budgeting assistance, child/youth services

» Chaplain and Local Clergy

» Military OneSource (800) 342-9647

» TRICARE www.tricare.osd.mil

» Behavioral Health Services

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References

» Coping with Deployment, http://marriage.about.com/cs/militarymarriages/a/deployment_2.htm

» Guide to Coping with Deployment and Combat Stress, http://usachppm.apgea.army.mil/documents/TG/Coping_withDeployment_CombatStress%20_03_08.pdf

» Preparing Your Marriage for a Military Deployment, www.TwoOfUs.org