parent BytesRight from the Start

For Parents of Preschoolers & Children

Byte 1 Enjoying Your Child’s Successes

Byte 2 Praying with Your Child

Byte 3 Preparing Your Child Spiritually and Morally

Byte 4 Guiding and Disciplining Your Child

Byte 5 Helping Your Child Deal with Stress

Byte 6 Worshipping with Your Child

Byte 7 Answering Your Child’s Questions

Written by: Sheri Babb, Oklahoma City, OK

parent Byte

2

Dear Parents,

God has given you the gift of a child. What an awesome privilege you have been given—that of parenting God’s gift to you. I know you have accepted parenting as an honor. It is our desire to walk along side you as you experience parenting.

The purpose of Parent Bytes is to provide information on the various concerns you may have as a parent. Your concerns are our concerns. As we (teachers, parents, and church) provide consistency and work together nurturing, teaching and discipling preschoolers and children, they will continue to develop in the ways God intends.

Luke 2:52 describes Jesus (as a 12 year old boy) growing “in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” We join you in this desire for your child. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of joining you in your journey.

God’s Richest Blessings,

Table of ContentsByte 1 Enjoying Your Child’s Successes ............................................ 4

Byte 2 Praying with Your Child .......................................................... 4

Byte 3 Preparing Your Child Spiritually and Morally ........................ 5

Byte 4 Guiding and Disciplining Your Child ...................................... 6

Byte 5 Helping Your Child Deal with Stress ...................................... 7

Byte 6 Worshipping with Your Child .................................................. 8

Byte 7 Answering Your Child’s Questions ....................................... 10

Parenthood is the greatest call to discipleship.

parent Byte

3

Pray with your child often throughout the day. Let your child hear you say, “thank you” prayers often. As the morning sun filters through the window, pray “Thank You, God, for the sunshine!” As your child walks to you, repeat: “God gives us strong legs to walk. I thank God for our healthy bodies.” As your child leaves for school, call out: “Thank You, God, for friends at school. Thank You for teachers. Thank You for my son, Gabe.” Soon you will notice your child voicing prayers by himself.

1Enjoy your child’s successes at all stages in life. Refrain from pointing out the “way it should be done.” Celebrate the moment with your child – whether it’s a first roll over, first step, ball catch, paper from school, grade card, day in big church, camp, or preteen party. The confidence you build in your child will give her a positive sense of herself, that God made her special and has a special purpose for her life.

parent Byte 2

Help your child become spiritually and morally prepared. Barna Associates report that 71% of parents believe their children at age 13 are not spiritually or morally ready for life. What are some ways parents and church may work together to enhance a child’s spiritual development?· Build a sense of trust by being consistent in caring and meeting the needs of your children at home and at the church house. This is the same trust a child will use to trust Jesus Christ as personal Savior later in life.· Accept and respect children for who they are; give them the freedom to do what they can for themselves. This assists them in understanding God’s acceptance of them and others.· Relate to one another positively and have a positive regard for those at church and in the community. Your positive relationships model for children how God wants us to learn together, to work out conflicts, and to respect differences in one another.· Utilize teachable moments to share God’s love and message with children at home and at the church house. These moments may be as simple as, “Wow, God surely is good to us” when you see a brilliant sunset or as profound as praying during a crisis or anxious period of the day. · Maintain your personal relationship with God. Preschoolers and children need to see you use and read the Bible and respond to God. If your Bible is important to you, your child’s Bible will be important to him. If your child sees you responding to the Holy Spirit during worship, he, too, will be open to listening and responding.

parent Byte 3

parent Byte

4

4Guidance or discipline is one topic that often surfaces. Discipline means teaching – teaching a child to redirect himself and bring his actions into control. It is a process which takes time, patience, and prayer. Discipline reinforces the positive, provides choices, sets realistic limits, listens carefully as a child expresses his feelings, and provides logical and natural consequences. Some general guidance tips to keep in mind are:

· Model appropriate behavior. Use a respectful and calm voice with your child.· Provide opportunities for your child to make choices. Give choices only if she has a choice, and you are willing to accept her choice.· Help your child use her words to define her feelings.· Set reasonable and clear limits.· Be firm, but kind, when guiding your child.· Avoid showing your child “how it feels.” Negative responses to negative behavior teach a child to respond negatively and reinforce negative behavior.· Always get your child’s attention before talking – perhaps a soft touch on the shoulder as you calmly say her name. Look into your child’s eyes as you talk with her.· Use clear statements. Avoid nagging about a problem.· Send “I” messages rather than “you” messages. “When you thrown the ball inside, I am afraid someone will get hit. You may throw the ball outside.”· Deal with your child’s inappropriate behavior, but leave his personality intact.· Stop actions before they happen. Be aware of situations and be ready to move to the situation before inappropriate actions occur.· Reward acceptable behavior with genuine praise and encouragement.

Help your child deal with stress.There are a number of things that may cause stress in a child. A child is more vulnerable to stress than adults; therefore, he may have trouble coping with stress and may overreact to stress. Your child may exaggerate her fears or become hesitant, worried or discouraged. She may attempt to shut down and have difficulty getting close to others. If your child is naturally aggressive, she may strike out, hit, fuss, bite or show extreme aggression. Some children go as far as to lie and steal.

During stressful times:· Give your child emotional support and adequate structure. Although you may be tempted to relax the rules because of the crisis, keep the routine. · Adhere to the limits you set, or your child may become even more anxious. · Keep the environment predictable; make sure the significant adult who cares for him is someone who really cares and seeks his best interest. · Spend more time listening than ever before. Listen with your eyes, heart and a comforting touch as well as with your ears. Give your child as much undivided attention as possible.· Be honest with your child, but don’t load him down with adult explanations. Your child will want to know, “Is the person in charge going to be okay?” This question helps him know: “I am loved. I am accepted. I am secure.”

parent Byte 5

parent Byte

5

Nurturing “a child during times of worship is one of the most important God-given parental responsibilities. Gentle consistent reminders along with positive examples will guide worship experiences which may impact children for life.” Resource: When I Go to Church, Kay Henry

Worship with Your ChildEvery child deserves opportunities to learn from others in congregational worship. They need to see parents responding to God. Your child desires to learn about worship from you and others. Look for ways to enhance your child’s experiences of worshiping with his family.

Before church:· Talk with your child about getting to worship together as a family.· Encourage him to bring his own Bible.· Ask her to bring a pencil (or crayon) and paper for a quiet activity such as taking or drawing notes.· Give her an offering.· Use the rest room and get a drink of water before entering the worship center.· Select a good seat so that your child may see well.

During church:Sit next to your child and encourage her to: · Pass the offering plate and give an offering. · Use her whispering voice when she needs to communicate with you. · Remind him others want to hear what the pastor is saying. · Lead her to listen for key words in the message and place a mark by the word each time she hears the pastor say the word. · Follow in the Bible as the Scripture is read. · Pray as the congregation is led to pray together.

After church:· Listen as your child ask or tells about what happened in worship.· Encourage her to shake hands with the pastor and ask him questions about the message or thank him for delivering the message.· Talk with your child about other aspects of the service i.e., others responding during the invitation.· Discuss ways you may follow through during the week with what God ask you to do while in worship.

6

parent Byte

6

7When your child asks spiritual questions

· Answer each question. Taking time to answer your child’s question helps him know that he is important and encourages him to ask more questions now and in the future. Give short clear responses. Watch for non-verbal clues that indicate she may need more information.

· Give attention to the question as soon as possible. Seize each teachable moment. If you are in a crowd when your child asks about salvation or another spiritual matter, take time to visit with him immediately after the service.

· Answer the question with a question. Answering the question with a question gives insight into why your child is asking the question. He may ask out of curiosity or from a clear result of God-led conviction. If your child asks, “Can I be baptized?” answer him with a question like, “Kyle, can you tell me why you want to be baptized?”

· Avoid “yes” “no” responses to your child’s question. A “yes” or “no” response gives little insight into what a child may be asking and may cause a child to avoid asking further questions.

· Give time for your child to answer a question. Children need time to think. Although you may feel uncomfortable with silence, wait for your child to answer your question. Your child’s response will give you insight to continue the conversation.

· Be open and available. Being open and available helps your child feel comfortable to talk with you about important matters. When we take the time to listen to the events and happenings in our children’s lives everyday, they know we are interested and available to listen and talk with them about the important decisions about God.

· Remember, everyone comes to Christ in the same way. Whether an adult or child, one must understand that God loves her and sent Jesus to be her Savior (1 John 4:10 and 14); everyone sins (Romans 3:23); God sent His son to forgive us from our sins (John 3:16); we are to confess our sins (1 John 1:9); believe in Jesus and trust Him to save us (John 3:16 and Acts 16:31); tell others about our faith in Jesus (Matthew 10:23) and commit to follow Jesus’ way (John 15:14). One does not need to know the entire Bible but she does need to understand these basic facts.

· Use the Bible. Open the Bible and let your child read the Scriptures in the Bible about the questions he or she may have. Help your child understand without a great deal of explaining what he has read.

· Give your child time to pray his prayer by himself. If your child’s prayer is a prayer for salvation, let him ask for forgiveness, acceptance, and commitment.

· Follow up with your child by asking her about her decision. Parenthood is the greatest call to discipleship. Help your child know about baptism, church membership, offerings, Lord’s supper, Bible study and prayer.

Resources: I’m a Christian Now, LifeWay; When Can I?, Tommy Sanders, LifeWay.

parent Byte

7

NOTES:

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Made possible by the generous Cooperative Missions gifts of Virginia Baptist Churches affiliated with the

Baptist General Association of Virginia.

www.vbmb.org

For more information contact Diane Smith,

Children’s Ministry Strategist, Emerging Leaders Team

800.ALL.BGAV Ext. 2256, diane.smith@vbmb.org