The

Revision Rooster

Revision RoosterI’m the Revision Rooster and I know what just to do, to revise these documents—Cockadoodle-do. Just like the rooster, who hunts and pecks the ground, I lookFor the best order, and switch sentences around. I take out phrases that don’t workor add a word or two, and when I’m finished you see a finished version that is new. Like my hens who hunt and peck to glean the seeds and nurture from the soil,I look and look and look again—no matter how much toil—Until I’ve seen the best I can, draft after draft, and crafting what I knewWould be my best of all. It’s really quite a bit of work—phew! Sometimes I change whole blocks of texts—take out what doesn’t work and add what’s really great. It doesn’t just occur to me, I have to think and think:sometimes I throw out quite a bit, but other times it’s just a quirk or two that have to go—if you think that this part’s easy, well then think again, you know

Revision is the part where ideas become clearer and the piece begins to grow:I hunt and peck, and scratch and type, until the words begin to gleam and glow—Re-vision is not just changing sentences, but where a writer finds the gold:Re-vision means “to see again”, and when I ‘see anew’ , it all unfolds So remember when you draft again, you look, you add, delete, and move aroundUntil the piece is truly new, you hunt and peck, until the seeds have all been found.

Two Main Types of Revisions

Global Revisions• Address the larger elements of

writing• Affect chunks of writing longer than

a sentenceExamples of global revisions:• Condensing material stretched over

2 or 3 paragraphs into one• Rearranging entire sections• Changing content dramatically:

including point of view, emphasis and outcomes

Revising stimulates thought

Global Revisions

Sentence LevelRevisions

Two Main Types of Revisions

Sentence Level Revisions• Assist with clarity and style• Eliminate wordiness• Employ techniques such as parallel

structure• Consider effective use of tense• Improve word choice and select the

best vocabulary• Create variation in sentence

structure

Revising stimulates thought

Global Revisions

Sentence LevelRevisions

Making Global Revisions

Many times we resist making global revisions because we are too attached to our work. To counteract this, put it aside, preferably overnight. Return with a fresh eye, and:

1. Play the role of the audience as you read.

2. Enlist the help of reviewers.

When peer editing make sure you understand what type of comments are useful.. Click on the following link to take the Peer Revision Exercise

Checklist for Global Revision

• Does the draft accomplish its purpose and address its intended audience?

• Focus: Do the opening and closing sections focus clearly on the main point? Are there any ideas obviously off the point?

• Organization and Paragraphing: Are there enough organizational cues (headings and subheadings? Are ideas and supporting material ordered effectively? Does the paragraphing make sense? Are any paragraphs too long or too short for easy reading?

Checklist for Global Revision

• Content: Is the supporting evidence persuasive? Which ideas need further development or support? Do major points receive enough attention? Where might material be deleted?

• Point of View: Is the draft free of distracting shifts in point of view?

Example

To see a model of a draft in progress with appropriate comments and global revisions click on the following hyperlink, and select Model papers and then scroll down to the model MLA Paper in Progress. While this model is in MLA format, and you will be writing in APA format, the global revision process is the same.

MODEL PAPER IN PROGRESS

Revising Sentences

• Sentence Clarity--Move from old information to new information:

I knew that when the semester came to an end, I would be able to write reports and proposals with greater skill (new information). These

skills (old) would serve me well in the wider business world (new), and they(old) would become practices I would use everyday.

NOT

Recently, I have used tips I learned about grant writing to move ahead in my career. The Request for Proposal (new) is the

format taught in a recent class on tips for the RFP(old).

Revising Sentences

• Sentence Clarity--Subordinate Clauses should be placed at the beginning or end of a sentence. When placed in the middle, they become confusing.Because of the need for additional funding, grant writing skills are essential OR Grant writing skills are essential because of the need to seek additional funding.

NOT Grant writing skills, because of the need for additional funding, are

essential today.

Revising Sentences

• Sentence Clarity—Use Parallel Structure. Nothing confuses a reader more than using a hodgepodge of structures

when you have a series of words, phrases or clauses to present. This is why we use parallel constructions.

Clear—In Rhode Island, where Nor’Easters and potential flooding are a problem, it is important to (1) to become aware of the warning signs 2) to know what precautions to take, and (3) to decide when evacuation is necessary.

Unclear—In Rhode Island, where Nor’Easters and potential flooding are a problem, we learned it is important to (1) to become aware of the warning sign. (2)There are precautions to take, and (3)knowing when to evacuate is necessary.

Revising Sentences

Those are just a few of the tips to follow when revising sentences for clarity. In addition:

• Use active voice• Avoid double negatives• Avoid ‘noun strings’ that potentially confuse

meaning,i.e. • This proposal explains the real time implementation of our

framework. NOT

This proposal explains our real time implementation framework.

REVISIONS

• Those are just a few tips and guidelines to consider when revising your documents. For further help, the following Websites are very useful:

• Ordering Information

• Sentence Coherence

Happy Revising!