Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence · Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence...

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Dear friends Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence Domestic violence is a crisis in Australia – on average, one woman dies each week as a result of family violence. It is estimated that one in four children experience the fear and distress of witnessing their mother being abused. In addition to physical violence, domestic and family violence can also be emotional, financial or spiritual. The roots are abuse of power and the control of one person by another. Overwhelmingly the victims of family violence are women and children. The Victorian Family Violence Royal Commission highlighted the important role faith communities can play in the lives of Victorians affected by this violence. The Church is responding to this challenge. The Bishops of Victoria, in October 2016, urged the Catholic community to play a part in preventing and responding to family violence. In addition to the text of the Bishops’ statement, this Resource Kit contains additional material to assist you and your Parish or organisation in responding to those who seek assistance, and playing a role in prevention. The posters can be used to alert parishioners to the issue – placing one inside women’s toilets is one way of making the information accessible. The key messages in responding to victims are sensitivity and confidentiality. We do not advise you to counsel or attempt to mediate. An appropriate response is to listen and refer the person to a professional service. You will find sheets in this Kit that explain this approach more fully, and contain numbers for referral. In the coming months we will provide information about training programs available to parishes and organisations. The material in this kit and other information will be maintained at www.css.org.au/domestic-violence, and a regular update will also be circulated to parishes. If you would like further information about this project or any of the materials, please contact Helen Burt – [email protected] Yours sincerely Denis Fitzgerald Executive Director, Catholic Social Services Victoria February 2017 If you or someone you know has experienced family violence please contact the number 1800 respect. It is a 24-hour telephone and online counseling service. If you or someone else are in a immediate danger, contact 000.

Transcript of Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence · Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence...

Dear friends

Resource Kit on Domestic and Family Violence

Domestic violence is a crisis in Australia – on average, one woman dies each week as a result of family violence. It is estimated that one in four children experience the fear and distress of witnessing their mother being abused.

In addition to physical violence, domestic and family violence can also be emotional, financial or spiritual. The roots are abuse of power and the control of one person by another.

Overwhelmingly the victims of family violence are women and children.

The Victorian Family Violence Royal Commission highlighted the important role faith communities can play in the lives of Victorians affected by this violence.

The Church is responding to this challenge. The Bishops of Victoria, in October 2016, urged the Catholic community to play a part in preventing and responding to family violence.

In addition to the text of the Bishops’ statement, this Resource Kit contains additional material to assist you and your Parish or organisation in responding to those who seek assistance, and playing a role in prevention. The posters can be used to alert parishioners to the issue – placing one inside women’s toilets is one way of making the information accessible.

The key messages in responding to victims are sensitivity and confidentiality. We do not advise you to counsel or attempt to mediate. An appropriate response is to listen and refer the person to a professional service. You will find sheets in this Kit that explain this approach more fully, and contain numbers for referral.

In the coming months we will provide information about training programs available to parishes and organisations. The material in this kit and other information will be maintained at www.css.org.au/domestic-violence, and a regular update will also be circulated to parishes.

If you would like further information about this project or any of the materials, please contact Helen Burt – [email protected]

Yours sincerely

Denis Fitzgerald Executive Director, Catholic Social Services Victoria February 2017

If you or someone you know has experienced family violence please contact the number 1800 respect. It is a 24-hour telephone and online counseling service. If you or someone else are in a immediate danger, contact 000.

CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE OF MELBOURNE

CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF SANDHURST

CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF SALE

“...we must always say ‘no’ to violence in the home”POPE FRANCIS

www.css.org.au/dv

For advice or support in relation to family violence call

1800 RESPECT (24 hours)If you or someone else are in immediate danger, contact

000

DOMESTIC VIOLENCECatholic community committing

to prevention and response

...building a more just and compassionate society

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...building a more just and compassionate society

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A Statement by the Catholic Bishops of Victoria: Committing to prevention and response on

Domestic Violence

Pope Francis

“…we must always say ‘no’ to violence in the home”

We, the Catholic Bishops of Victoria, condemn domestic violence in the strongest possible terms, and call on parishes, church organisations and people of faith to play a part in its elimination.

Domestic violence is a crisis in Australia – each week a woman dies at the hands of her partner or ex-partner. It is estimated that one in four children experience the fear and distress of witnessing their mother being abused.

In addition to this physical violence, domestic violence can also be emotional, financial or spiritual. The roots are abuse of power and the control of one person over another.

While men also suffer domestic violence, women and children form the great majority of the victims of domestic violence.

This statement is addressed to the whole Church community – we must all work to prevent violence against women and children. In particular, it is addressed to:

• victims of violence who may need the Church’s help to break out of their situation,

• priests, pastoral associates, and parishioners, and teachers, who may be the first point of contact for adults and children who are victims of domestic violence, and

• men who abuse and may not know how to break out of the cycle of violence.

Domestic violence in all its forms offends against a vision of family as a place of safety and love, where children learn to respect and live with others.

We hope that this statement will lead people to learn about domestic violence, and seek to do what they can in their relationships, parishes, communities and organisations to eliminate violence and assist survivors to heal from its impact.

Our goal must be a society where all people are safe in their home, families and close relationships; where violence and abuse are not acceptable; and where all relationships respect the equality and dignity of each person. This is part of the Gospel vision of love and respect.

Jesus always protected the oppressed and exposed evil. He always respected the human dignity of women, consistently challenging cultural attitudes of oppression and exclusion. We see him breaking social taboos that exclude people, and expanding the boundaries of human love, acceptance and friendship. Jesus challenges us to act in favor of the victims and work against anything that would prevent individuals from ‘living life to the full’.

As pastoral leaders in Victoria, we reject a reading of scripture that condones domestic violence. A correct reading of scripture leads to an understanding of the equal dignity of men and women and to relationships based on mutuality and love.

Responses to domestic violence are needed, which provide victims with protection and help in rebuilding their lives; which make offenders accountable and assist their rehabilitation; and which change those community attitudes from which violence emerges.

October 2016

For advice or support in relation to family violence call

1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

If you or someone else are in immediate danger, contact 000

We need to look at prevention, intervention, supports for victims, accountability and healing for offenders. We need to confront the causes of this violence, including the unequal position of women and men in our community. We welcome the work undertaken by Catholic agencies in these areas, while recognizing the continuing challenges.

We aim to make all Church communities places of support and healing.

To our priests, pastoral associates and others in leadership positions – we say that our churches should be a safe place for victims of domestic and family violence, where understanding and assistance are readily available. For this to happen we all need to reflect on our attitudes and equip ourselves with the knowledge to assist those who ask for help, through referrals to specialist services where needed.

We all need to foster in our families and communities alternatives to violence. In particular we need to lead boys and young men to treat girls and women with respect and teach them how to develop positive and violence-free relationships.

+Paul Bird CSsRBishop of Ballarat

CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF SALE

+Pat O’ReganBishop of Sale

In Victoria we have benefitted from the insight of the Royal Commission into Family Violence that recently made recommendations on how we, the Victorian community can prevent and respond to domestic and family violence. We welcome this report, and the Victorian Government’s prompt and positive response to its recommendations.

Our hope is that the implementation of these recommendations brings about very positive change within the Victorian community. We are pleased to join with other Churches and faith communities in being part of that change.

Catholic Social Services Victoria has made information and resources available to Parishes and organisations to promote understanding of domestic and family violence, and of how to respond to those affected. This is also available through the website – www.css.org.au/dv. We recommend this material, and the training that will be available, to assist you and your community in playing your part in preventing domestic violence, and responding appropriately when it does occur.

October 2016

CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE OF MELBOURNE

+Denis HartArchbishop of Melbourne

CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF SANDHURST

+Les TomlinsonBishop of Sandhurst

Building on the Victorian Bishops’ statement on domestic

violence: The Catholic community Responding

Our goal must be a society where all people are safe in their home, families and close relationships; where violence and abuse are not acceptable; and where all relationships respect the equality and dignity of each person. This is part of the Gospel vision of love and respect.

- Victorian Bishops 2016

Domestic and family violence is a crisis in Australia.

On average, each week in Australia a woman dies as a result of family violence.

1 in 4 children experience the fear and distress of witnessing their mother being abused.

Overwhelmingly the victims of domestic and family violence are women and children.

What is domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence is a pattern of abusive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship where one person assumes a position of power over another and causes fear.

It can take the form of physical, emotional, financial or spiritual violence and can occur in many different kinds of relationships—from one partner to another, or from an adolescent toward a parent, or from family members toward an elderly parent.

Although women and children are most often victims of family violence, men can also be victims.

All violence is unacceptable.

What can we, as a Catholic community, do about domestic and family violence?

The Victorian Family Violence Royal Commission highlighted the important role faith communities can play in the lives of Victorians affected by family violence.

The Victorian Catholic bishops have called on people of faith and church organisations to

learn about domestic and family violence

reflect on our own attitudes

equip ourselves with the knowledge to assist those who ask for help, through referrals to specialist services where needed

do what we can in our relationships, parishes, communities and organisations to eliminate violence and its impact.

foster in our families and communities alternatives to violence

Our aim is to make all Church communities places of support and healing

November 2016

We must always say ‘no’ to violence in the home -

Pope Francis

How do you respond to someone facing domestic or family violence?

The key messages in responding to victims of domestic and family violence are sensitivity and confidentiality.

We do not advise you to counsel or attempt to mediate. An appropriate response is to listen and refer the person to a professional service.

Services that can help someone who is a victim of family violence:

POLICE: Call 000

If anyone is in immediate danger, ask for the Police for immediate assistance

SAFE STEPS – 1800 015 188

A state-wide 24-hour, 7-days-a-week crisis support and accommodation service for women and their children.

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

A national 24-hour, 7-days-a-week service, for advice or support in relation to sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling.

Services that can help men end their abusive behaviour:

MEN’S REFERRAL SERVICE – 1300 766 491

A national 24-hour, 7-days-a-week, anonymous and confidential counselling, information and referral service to help men stop using violent and controlling behaviour.

Resources

The Victorian Catholic Bishops have released a Statement urging the Catholic community to play a part in preventing and responding to domestic and family violence. The statement can be read at: www.css.org.au/dv

Catholic Social Services Victoria are developing a resource kit to assist individuals, parishes and organisations respond to those who seek assistance, and play a role in preventing domestic and family violence. A copy of this will be distributed to parishes in February 2017.

The website www.css.org.au/dv contains information about training programs available to parishes and organisations.

For further information about this initiative or any of the materials, please contact Catholic Social Services Victoria: [email protected], tel 9287 5566.

A guide for women who may be experiencing Family Violence

Are you worried about how you are being treated by your partner or husband, boyfriend, family member or carer?

It can be difficult to recognise the signs of abuse.

Emotional abuse: when someone regularly puts you down, criticises you, threatens to stop you from seeing your family/children, or threatens to commit suicide if you leave the relationship. This includes spiritual abuse, for example preventing you from making or keeping connections with your religious ceremonies or practices, or preventing you from expressing your spiritual identity.

Social abuse: when someone prevents you from seeing your friends and family, makes you feel guilty about socialising or working, constantly checks up on your whereabouts.

Financial abuse: when your partner/family member takes control of your financial affairs when you don’t want them to, prevents you from accessing money.

Sexual abuse: when someone makes you do sexual things that you don’t want to do.

Stalking: when a partner, ex-partner, or someone else follows you around, or repeatedly tries to contact you, even if you say you don’t want this

Physical abuse: Includes pushing, hitting, throwing objects, driving dangerously to frighten you, threatening to physically harm you, other people, or pets.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC AND FAMILY VIOLENCE?

Domestic and family violence – both terms are commonly used - is a pattern of abusive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship that over time puts one person in a position of power over another, and causes fear. Family violence can occur in many different kinds of intimate relationships. For example, from one partner towards another, from an adolescent towards a parent.

There are other types of violence that can occur in families and relationships. These are not necessarily linked to behaviour patterns of power and control, but they can be harmful to individuals and to family and community harmony. All violence is unacceptable.

HOW MIGHT FAMILY VIOLENCE BE AFFECTING ME?

All forms of violence have damaging consequences. Your confidence can become worn down by abuse.

If you have been in an abusive relationship you may feel:

● Afraid to tell anyone

● Worried that it’s your fault

● Depressed and alone

● Confused

● Scared of coping on your own

● Scared it will get worse if you leave

● Worried about what others will think

● Afraid that no-one will believe you

● Frustrated and sad because you’ve tried everything.

Remember, you are not to blame for the abuse. You have a right to feel safe and to live free from violence and intimidation.

O C T O B E R 2 0 1 6 | 1

Our goal must be a society where all people are safe in their home, families and close relationships; where violence and abuse are not acceptable; and where all relationships respect the equality and dignity of each person. This is part of the Gospel vision of love and respect.

Bishops of Victoria, October 2016

Content adapted from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre, www.dvrcv.org.au Prepared by Good Shepherd Australia New Zealand, Women’s Research Advocacy and Policy Centre (August 2016).

IS THIS AFFECTING MY CHILDREN?

Children can’t feel safe or happy if their mother is being hurt. They may feel frightened or helpless. Some children may try to protect you, or they might feel angry and blame you. Some children may even think it is their fault.

Children may:

● Feel unwell with stomach cramps or headaches

● Have trouble concentrating at school

● Have difficulty with friendships

● ‘act out’ or withdraw

● Learn that violence can give them control over others.

YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME

Some abusers try to damage the relationship between a mother and her children. The abuser may:

● Tell your children that you are a ‘bad mother’

● Encourage your children to ignore what you say

● Stop you from attending to your children

● Be jealous of your pregnancy or when you are breastfeeding your baby

WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN

A warm and supportive relationship with you or another family member makes a positive difference for your children. You can:

● Give lots of cuddles

● Tell them you love them

● Ask them how they feel, listen and give them opportunities to talk about the violence

● Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault

● Show them respect and help them show respect for others

● Let them know it is not their role to protect you

● Let them know that other children have similar experiences and that feeling upset is normal

● Get help and support for your children and for yourself

WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF

No-one likes, asks for or deserves to live with abuse or violence. Working out what to do can be hard.

SERVICES THAT CAN HELP SOMEONE WHO IS A VICTIM OF FAMILY VIOLENCE

POLICE – Call ‘000’ and ask for the Police for immediate assistance

SAFE STEPS – 1800 015 188 – A state-wide 24 hour, 7 day a week crisis support and accomodation service for women and their children

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 – A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling and advice service. 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Your safety is important. Whether you decide to stay or leave the relationship:

● Plan where you can go and who you can call in an emergency

● Keep important items together in a safe place in case you need to leave suddenly – such as birth certificates, bank card, Centrelink details, money, medication, keys, clothes. Or leave these things with a trusted family member or friend.

● Teach your children what to do and who to call if they don’t feel safe.

● Talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking about the abuse and how you feel can help you decide what to do. Talk to a friend, a family member, or a counsellor. Whoever you talk to shouldn’t judge you.

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A guide to supporting male victims of violence

WHAT IS DOMESTIC AND FAMILY VIOLENCE?

Domestic and family violence – both terms are now commonly used - is a pattern of abusive behaviour in an intimate or familial relationship that over time puts one person in a position of power over another, and causes fear.

There are many forms of family violence including physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. Family violence can occur in many different kinds of intimate relationships. For example, from one partner towards another, from an adolescent towards a parent.

Although women and children are most often victims of family violence, men can also be victims. All violence is unacceptable.

WHAT CAN I DO IF I WITNESS OR OVERHEAR PHYSICAL VIOLENCE OR THREATS?

If you believe there is immediate physical danger and that the victim and any children have been, or are about to be, harmed, call the police on 000 immediately.

SUPPORTING A MALE VICTIM OF FAMILY VIOLENCE

Your support can make a difference. Approach your friend, family member, neighbour or workmate in a sensitive way, letting him know your concerns. Tell him you’re worried about him, then explain why.

SERVICES THAT CAN HELP MALE VICTIMS OF ABUSE

POLICE – Call ‘000’ and ask for the Police for immediate assistance

MENSLINE Australia – 1300 789 978 – National service supporting men and boys who are dealing with family and relationship difficulties. 24 hours, 7 days a week. For more information visit: www.mensline.org.au

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 – National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling and advice service. 24 hours, 7 days a week.

For example: I’m worried about you because I’ve noticed you seem unhappy lately.

Don’t be surprised or offended if he seems defensive or rejects your support. He may not be ready, or may feel ashamed and afraid of talking about it. Men in particular may feel embarrassed about speaking about the abuse as he may be worried about being seen as ‘weak’ or ‘unmanly’.

Don’t push the person into talking if they are uncomfortable, but let them know that you’re there if they need to talk. Be patient, and keep an ear out for anything that indicates they are ready to talk about the abuse.

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A guide to support people who seek helpfor their abusive behaviour

If someone you know has confessed to you that they have been using violent or controlling behaviour, it is important to treat their confession with utmost seriousness and to:

● Name the behaviour for what it is – Abuse.

● Tell them that the behaviour has to stop.

● Encourage them to think about the harm their actions are causing.

● Encourage them to call the Men’s Referral Service –1300 766 491

Be careful. Don’t place yourself in a position where the person who is being abusive could harm or manipulate you. Don’t try to intervene directly if you witness a person being assaulted – call the police instead.

If the person who is being abusive is your friend, relative, work colleague, you may feel caught in the middle. It is important to understand that if you approach the person who is abusive, he or she may:

● Tell you to ‘mind your own business’

● Deny the abuse, or say ‘how can you think I could do something like that?’

● Make it seem like it’s ‘not that bad’, or that it only happened once

● Make it seem like it’s the other person’s fault, or that it’s the other person’s behaviour that is the problem

● Say that they couldn’t help themselves, they were drunk, just ‘snapped’, or ‘lost control’.

None of these responses mean that he or she is not abusive. It is common for a person who is being abusive to deny or minimise the abuse. People who seem ‘respectable’ and ‘normal’ can still be abusive in the privacy of their own home.

It is possible that the person who is abusive may admit the abuse was their fault, but say they don’t know how to stop their behaviour.

They might also deny and minimise the abuse, but agree that something isn’t right about how they act in certain situations. If the person who is abusive is male, he can be encouraged to call the Men’s Referral Service for anonymous and confidential advice on how he may go about ending his use of violence. If the abusive person is female, she can contact her local Community Health Service.

IMPORTANT THINGS NOT TO DO:

● Don’t say that his behaviour doesn’t matter.

● Don’t assume that the abuse is minor or trivial.

● Don’t accept excuses or allow them to blame others for their abusive behaviour.

● Don’t focus on trying to understand why he is abusive.

● Don’t try to make them feel better about their abusive behaviour.

People who are abusive can sound very persuasive when they try to deny, minimise or justify their behaviour, as they often make these excuses to themselves to feel better about what they are doing. Focus on what the person who is going to do about it, and encourage them to call Men’s Referral Service.

SERVICES THAT CAN HELP

Men’s Referral Service – 1300 766 491 – National anonymous and confidential telephone counselling, information and referrals to help men stop using violent and controlling behaviour. 24 hours, 7 days a week. For more information visit www.mrs.org.au

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 – National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling and advice service. 24 hours, 7 days a week.

O C T O B E R 2 0 1 6 | 1

WHAT IS DOMESTIC AND FAMILY VIOLENCE?

Domestic and family violence – both terms are commonly used - is a pattern of abusive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship that over time puts one person in a position of power over another, and causes fear.

There are many forms of family violence including physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. Family violence can occur in many different kinds of intimate relationships. For example, from one partner towards another or from an adolescent towards a parent. There are other types of violence that can occur in families and relationships. These types of violence are harmful to individuals and to family and community harmony.

All violence is unacceptable.

WHAT DO I LOOK OUT FOR?

There are behaviours and signs that are common to people who are experiencing family violence. People experiencing family violence may:

● Seem afraid of her partner or always very anxious to please them.

● Stop seeing her friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when her partner is in the room.

● Appear anxious, depressed, has lost her confidence, tired or teary for no obvious reason.

● Their partner seems rude or nasty to them.

● Have injuries or time in hospital that raises your suspicion and concern.

● Keep justifying their movements or expenses.

The woman’s safety is of paramount importance. Instil faith in her that you will keep her confidence.

A GUIDE TO ENGAGING:

ASK by gentle questioning such as:

● Is everything okay at home?

● Are you okay?

● I noticed those bruises, did someone do that to you?

LISTEN without judging and focus on what you can do to support her without telling her what to do. Listen to what she is saying and give her time to tell her story. Tell her that you BELIEVE what she is saying and that you want to help.

RESPECT her right to make her own decisions.

Take her fears and the abuse SERIOUSLY.

ACKNOWLEDGE that talking about violence and abuse takes courage. Tell her you think she has been BRAVE in talking about the abuse, and in being able to keep going despite the abuse.

HELP her to explore her options. You can help by finding out about services and how to use them. Assistance with finding and accessing services can be a good place to start if they want to pursue this

Supporting a person who is being abused?

A guide for families, neighbours, friends and workmates

SUPPORTING A FRIEND, FAMILY MEMBER, NEIGHBOUR OR WORKMATE WHO IS EXPERIENCING FAMILY VIOLENCE.

Your support can make a difference. Approach your friend, family member, neighbour or workmate in a sensitive way, letting her know your concerns. Tell her you’re worried about her, then explain why. For example: I’m worried about you because I’ve noticed you seem unhappy lately.

O C T O B E R 2 0 1 6 | 1

Our goal must be a society where all people are safe in their home, families and close relationships; where violence and abuse are not acceptable; and where all relationships respect the equality and dignity of each person. This is part of the Gospel vision of love and respect.

Bishops of Victoria, October 2016

Don’t be surprised or offended if she seems defensive or rejects your support. She might be scared of worrying you if she tells you about the abuse. She may not be ready, or may feel ashamed and afraid of talking about it.

Don’t push the person into talking if they are uncomfortable, but let them know that you’re there if they need to talk. Be patient, and keep an ear out for anything that indicates they are ready to talk about the abuse.

WHAT CAN I DO IF SOMEONE IS IN IMMEDIATE DANGER?

If you believe that the victim and any children have been, or are about to be, harmed, call the police on 000 immediately.

QUESTIONS YOU COULD ASK AND THINGS YOU COULD SAY

These are just some ideas. It is important that you only say what you believe, and use your own words.

● The way he treats you is wrong.

● What can I do to help you?

● How do you think his/her behaviour has affected you?

● I’m worried about what he/she could do to you or the children.

● ‘What do you think you should do?

● What are you afraid of if you end the relationship?

● What are you afraid of if you stay?

● Would you like me to support you while you call a specialist support service?

WHAT NOT TO DO

When talking to someone who is being abused, some things may not help, or may stop her from wanting to confide in you fully. Here are some of the things victims of abuse say did not help.

● Do not attempt to mediate the situation on behalf of the victim. This may place her at higher risk.

● Do not blame her for the abuse or ask questions like ‘what did you do for him to do that?’ or ‘why do you put up with it?’ These questions suggest that it is somehow her fault.

SERVICES THAT CAN HELP SOMEONE WHO IS A VICTIM OF FAMILY VIOLENCE

POLICE – Call ‘000’ and ask for the Police for immediate assistance

SAFE STEPS – 1800 015 188 – A state-wide 24 hour, 7 day a week crisis support service for women and their children

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 – A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling and advice service. 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Content adapted from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre, www.dvrcv.org.au Prepared by Good Shepherd Australia New Zealand, Women’s Research Advocacy and Policy Centre (August 2016).

Download Domestic Violence Resource Centre’s Is someone you know being abused in a relationship – A guide for families, friends & neighbours. Your support can make a difference http://www.dvrcv.org.au/knowledge-centre/our-publications/booklets/someone-you-know-being-abused-relationship This resource is available for download in 13 different languages.

● Do not keep trying to work out the ‘reasons’ for the abuse. Concentrate on supporting the person who is being abused.

● Do not be critical if she says she still loves her partner, or if she leaves but returns to the relationship. Women just want the abuse to stop. Leaving an abusive partner takes time, and is not the only option. Your support is really important.

● Do not criticise her partner. Criticise the abusive behaviour and let her know that no-one has the right to abuse her. For example, say ‘your partner shouldn’t treat you like that’. Personal criticism of her partner is only likely to make her want to defend them.

● Do not give advice or tell her what you would do. This will only reduce her confidence to make her own decisions. Listen to her and give her information, not advice.

● Do not pressure her to leave or try to make decisions on her behalf. Focus on listening and supporting her to make her own decisions. She knows her own situation best.

O C T O B E R 2 0 1 6 | 2

www.css.org.au/dv...building a more just and compassionate society

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...building a more just and compassionate society

Catholic Social ServicesVictoria

Catholic Social ServicesVictoria

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Prayer to End Domestic and Family Violence

Loving God,

We thank you for inviting us to work to end domestic and family violence in our community.

We ask for your wisdom and guidance.

We pray for constancy in seeking a society where all people are safe in their home, families and close relationships, and where all

relationships respect the equality and dignity of each person.

We pray for all those affected by violence, that they may find safety and healing.

We pray that all women and children will find a place and life free from violence, and children will be cared for in nurturing, protective

and supportive ways.

We pray for young men that they may find models of respectful relationships, and reject the violent and demeaning images of

manhood current in our society.

We ask for the courage to confront the causes of family violence, including the prevalence of violence in society, abuse of power and

the unequal position of women in the community.

We pray for right and just relations between all people, so that together we may transform and overcome violence in all its forms.

We long for the time you have promised, when violence is banished, women and men are open to love and be loved, children are

protected, and the work and wealth of our world is justly shared.

Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

www.css.org.au/dv

Domestic and Family Violence:Services that can help

If you are in contact with someone who needs help because of family violence, ask her or him to call - 1800 RESPECT – 1800 7377 328 – National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling and referral service 24 hours, 7 days a week.

SAFE STEPS – 1800 015 188 – State-wide 24 hours, 7 days a week crisis support for women and their children

MENS LINE – 1300 789 978 - National service supporting men and boys who are dealing with family and relationship difficulties. 24 hours, 7 days a week. For more information visit www.mensline.org.au

If anyone is in immediate danger-

POLICE – Call ‘000’ and ask for the Police for immediate assistance

October 2016