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T IPSS LEADERSHIP SUMMITAUSTIN, TX

RESOLVING CONFLICT IN THE WORKPLACE

,

TUESDAY, JANUARY 24, 2012

Darby Merriman, Director of Training & Development

I S A N A T U R A L P A R T O F E V E R Y H U M A N I N S T I T U T I O N :

CONFLICT

A G E N C I E S

O R G A N I Z A T I O N S

F A M I L I E S

I T S I M P A C T E F F E C T S E V E R Y M E M B E R O F T H E I N S T I T U T I O N .

Conflict Facts

Conflict is a natural part of life.

Conflict can be handled in positive or negative ways.

Conflict must be present for growth and change.

Conflict can result in creation or destruction.

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Is conflict positive or negative?

NEITHER!!!

It is how conflict is handled that makes it positive or negative,

constructive or destructive

Basis of Conflict

1. Data

2. Structure

3. Interest

4. Relationships4 p

5. Values

Data

Lack of information

Misinformation

Rumor and Gossip

Interpretationp

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Structure

Chain of command

Access to Resources

Power

Barriers

Time

Interest

Property

Territoryy

Wants

Relationships

Perception of relationship

Change in relationship

Behavior toward each other

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Values

Ideology (political, religious, etc.)

Goals

Lifestyles

Culture

Group Discussion

Discuss conflicts that you have witnessed

What were they about?

How did the people involved respond?p p p

What was the result/impact on the individuals involved and others?

The Beginning of Conflict…

Poor communication

Seeking power

Dissatisfaction with management style

Weak leadership p

Lack of openness

Change in leadership

Source: http://www.nsba.org

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Conflict Indicators

Body language Disagreements, regardless of issue Withholding bad news Surprises Strong public statements Airing disagreements through media Conflicts in value system Conflicts in value system Desire for power Increasing lack of respect Open disagreement Lack of candor on budget problems or other sensitive issues Lack of clear goals No discussion of progress, failure relative to goals, failure to

evaluate the superintendent fairly, thoroughly or at all.

Source: http://www.nsba.org

5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts

1. Interdependence Conflicts. A person relies on someone else's co-operation, output or input in order for them to get their job done.

2. Differences in Style. People's preferred way for completing a job can differ. For example, one person may just want to get the work done quickly (task y j g q y (oriented), while another is more concerned about making sure that everyone has a say in how the work gets done (people oriented).

3. Differences in Background/Gender. Conflicts can arise between people because of differences in educational backgrounds, personal experiences, ethnic heritage, gender and political preferences.

Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com

4. Differences in Leadership. Leaders have different styles. Employees who change from one leader to another can become confused and irritated by the different leadership styles.

5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts

5. Personality Clashes. These types of conflict in the workplace are often fueled by emotion and perceptions about somebody else's motives and character.

Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com

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How Do We React to Conflict?

FLIGHT - Avoidance/denial

FIGHT - Competition/aggressive confrontation confrontation

FLOW – Problem-solving

Methods of Dealing with Conflict

1. Competing (Either you or me)

2. Accommodating (Always you not me)

3. Avoiding (It isn’t there or it’s not so bad)

4. Compromising (I give some you give some)4 p g ( g y g )

5. Collaborating (We both get what we need)

Conflict

DESTRUCTIVE

Negative response

Combative, threatening

CONSTRUCTIVE Positive response

Collaborative, tithreatening

Declining organizational Health

supportive

Improved organizational Health

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Results of Conflict

Destructive: Polarizes Escalates Problem Hinders Change Personal attacks Personal attacks

Constructive: Establishes Trust Clarifies Issues and Direction Promotes co-operation

Passive Aggressive Response

Gossiping

Sabotage

Non-supportive

Attack someone else to retaliate

Types of Disputes

Family members

Roommates

Neighbors

Friends Friends

Couples

Teacher/Student

Landlord/Tenant

Consumer/Merchant

Employer/Employee

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Mediation

Mediation uses a neutral third party to facilitate a process allowing the disputants themselves to resolve their conflict and

ll b ll bl collaborate on mutually acceptable solutions

HOW A CONFLICT GETS TO MEDIATION

An argument

Is seen.

REFERRAL

A referral form is filled Is seen. out and put into the referral box.

Invitation

Both disputants are asked to come to mediation.

If they agree, the mediation is held.

Agreement An agreement form is written up and signed.

Role of Mediator

1. Facilitates Process

2. Empowers Disputants

3. Equalizes Power

4. Maintains Neutrality4 y

5. Maintains Confidentiality

6. Remains Non-Judgmental

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Mediation Process

Preliminary Arrangements Introductory Statement Initial Statement Issue and Problem Clarification Assessing Needs Generating Options Agreement Writing Closure Post Mediation

The Agreement

Specific and realistic: Who/What/When/Where/How

Positive and future oriented

Objective

Non-judgmental, no implication of guilt

Signed by all

Mediation

It’s a simple, logical, step by step process.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

As with any other skill set, it takes knowledge and practice.

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Basic Principles

Win-win Desire to solve the problem Cooperation Openness and honesty Voluntary Focus on needs Focus on future Focus on positive Non-judgmental

Benefits of Mediation

Affordable ($0.00-few hundred $) Timely (within days not months) Convenient (at your convenience) Understandable (no legal jargon)

Pri ate (confidential not open to public) Private (confidential not open to public) Effective (85% or more resolve) Satisfying (resolution created by

disputants)

MEDIATION CAN BE USED TO

One-on-One Process

RESOLVE CONFLICTS ONE ON ONE

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One-on-One Process

1. Introductory Statement

“There seems to be a problem between us. Do you p ywant to see if we can work this out?”

One-on-One Process

2. Initial Statement

“Tell me what this is about.”

Restate

“May I tell you where I’m coming from?”

One-on-One

3. Issue and Problem Clarification

“So basically what the issue/s is/are…?”

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One-on-One

4 & 5 Assessing Needs and Generating Options

“What is it that you need from me?

“I would be willing to…”g

“What I need from you is…”

“ Would you be willing to?…”

One-on-One

6. Reaching Agreement

“Do we Agree then that I will…

and you will…?”y

One-on-One

7. Closure

“Thanks for working this out with me. I appreciate…”

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I-Statements

Purpose of I-Statements:

To honor our feelings and values without putting another person down

To convey information about our feelings without blaming the other person

To say how we feel about someone’s actions in a way that keeps communication going

Using I-Statements

o To make a clear statement of your experience of an event in a non-threatening way that allows the listener to hear with out the need to defend.

o To use in the following situations:o To use in the following situations:

When you want to tell people, in a safe way, how their behavior is affecting you

When you have a strong emotional feeling or response

When you are annoyed or irritated by another person or something that has happened

Principle 1: A listener will be much more open to really listening if we send feelings or perceptions

instead of solutions.

For Example:

Statement: “Do not ever take my pen again”

Message: “You are a thief and I do not trust you”

I-Statement: “I feel angry when you borrow my pen without asking”

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Principle 2: Acknowledging feelings or perceptions as belonging to you. Blaming, evaluating, or judging sets

up a wall of anger and defensiveness

For Example:

Statement: “You are selfish”

I-Statement: “I feel annoyed when you borrow my things without asking”

Principle 3: Be open or direct with these feelings or perceptions. Instead of addressing the issue head on, we often avoid the direct approach, and

say one thing while implying another.

Using avoidance leads to isolation or attack/ confrontation and can create more

CONFLICT!!!CONFLICT!!!

Format of I-Statements

WHEN (neutral description of action)

I FEEL (statement of feeling without blame)

BECAUSE (statement of negative consequences BECAUSE (statement of negative consequences forseen)

AND WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS (statement of desired outcome)

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Final Thoughts About I-Statements…

There are no expectations. You can not control the behavior of others. You can only control your own behavior.

You can express how you would like something to h b t t d d th t it hchange, but you can not demand that it happen.

We want our kids to be successful…

Protective/Resiliency Factors A relationship with a caring adult role model Having an opportunity to contribute and be seen as a

resource Effectiveness in work, play, and relationships p y p Healthy expectations and positive outlook Self-esteem and internal locus-of-control Self-discipline Problem solving/critical thinking skills A sense of humor

This is universal…to achieve success in the workplace, it is important for people in the workforce to have these same skills and opportunities!

The Teachable Moment

We may feel uncertain about how to handle conflict

We may respond in ways that don’t make the best use of the moment

We may end up promoting rather than reducing conflict

paxUnited®

1(800)-650-5247

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IF YOU ARE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR AND MODEL GOOD PROBLEM

The Bottom Line

AND MODEL GOOD PROBLEM SOLVING AND COMMUNICATION

SKILLS TO YOUR STAFF…BOTH YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION HAVE A

GREATER CHANCE FOR SUCCESS!

Contact InformationDarby Merriman, ACPSDirector of Training & Development

2155 Chenault Drive, Suite 410 Carrollton, TX 75006

800.650.5247(v) 972.671.9550(f) 972.671.9549

darby.merriman@paxunited.org

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