RELATIONSHIPS & ATTRACTION (Psych 201 - Chapter 10 - Spring 2014)

This Week’s Playlist

Artist Song / Psych Concept

1. Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris All Around The World (Universal Need To Belong)

2. Phillip Phillips Home (Secure Attachment/Secure Base)

3. Nelly Furtado I’m Like A Bird (Avoidant Attachment)

4. P!nk Please Don’t Leave Me (Anxious Attachment)

5. Calvin Harris Feel So Close (Propinquity)

6. Good Charlotte Girls & Boys (Gender Differences In Mate Preferences)

7. Bruno Mars Just The Way You Are (Idealization)

Chapter 10

Attraction & Relationships

Melanie B. Tannenbaum, M.A. Psychology 201 Spring 2014

Important Points

Characterizing Relationships Why are relationships important? How do people form relationships with each other?

Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction?

Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?

Harlow’s Monkeys

Infant rhesus monkeys put in a cage with two different “mothers”

The “cloth mother” looked like a monkey, but couldn’t give milk

The “wire mother” didn’t look like a monkey, but it could give milk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

Harlow’s MonkeysThe monkeys clung to the cloth mother and went to it for comfort when they felt threatened.

They only approached the wire mother when hungry, and sometimes starved before leaving the cloth mother.

Infant monkeys preferred warmth and comfort over food!

Need to Belong

This hints at an important core need...the need to belong.

Relationships help people survive Parent-child attachments help keep babies safe Friendships help non-family members cooperate and thrive We need other people to help us survive!

Need to Belong

The need to belong is universal. What does that mean? !Cultures around the world show certain behaviors, like...

Caregiving between mother and child Wrestling between siblings Flirtation among young people who are looking for love Affection between romantic partners Dominance displays between adolescent males

!Supports the idea of an evolutionary basis for the need to belong.

Relationships Are Important!Mortality rates higher among divorced, unmarried, & widowed

!Suicide/crime rates are higher for single and divorced people

!Social support strengthens cardiovascular, immune, and endocrine systems

!Harlow’s monkeys who were raised in isolation were highly fearful, unable to interact with peers, and inappropriately sexual as adolescents

!Relationships also shape our sense of who we are!

Remember the relational self from Chapter 3

Attachment TheoryWhich description best fits your relationships?

A. I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

C. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and romantic partners often want me to be more intimate than I’m comfortable with.

B. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge with my partner, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

Attachment TheoryJohn Bowlby

!Human infants are born with few survival skills; children rely on parents for security, which allows them to explore the environment and learn

!Attachment Theory: Theory about how our early attachments with our parents shape our relationships for the rest of our lives

!Infants must develop a relationship with at least one caregiver for social/emotional development to occur normally; this provides a schema that is automatically applied to later relationships

Developmental Trajectory

1. Proximity Seeking (2 – 6 months)

2. Safe Haven (8 – 10 months)

3. Secure Base (1 year)

Developmental Trajectory

1. Proximity Seeking (2 – 6 months)

2. Safe Haven (8 – 10 months)

3. Secure Base (1 year)

The developmental order is similar in adult relationships!

Working Models

Working Model: Schema for how others tend to treat you in relationships

!!Expectations about partner’s availability, warmth, and security.

!!Over time, these become solidified and exert an automatic influence on behavior (you expect people to react in fairly stable, predictable ways).

Attachment Theory: InfantsMary Ainsworth

Strange Situation Paradigm Simple test to assess infant attachment to caregiver http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsewNrHUHU

!Infant and Caregiver enter an unfamiliar room with toys

Stranger walks in, Caregiver leaves

Caregiver returns after 3 minutes

How did the infant respond after the caregiver returned?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsewNrHUHU

Three Attachment Styles

!

1. Secure Attachment (62%)

!

2. Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment (15%) !

3. Avoidant Attachment (23%)

Secure Attachment

Generally trusting

!Infant: Actively explores the room when Mom is around, upset when Mom leaves, and happy when Mom returns.

!Caregiver: Responds quickly and reliably to cries, responsive to child’s individual needs.

Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment

Generally fearful, angry, distraught

!Infant: Clings to Mom when she is around, upset when Mom leaves, angry or still upset when Mom returns.

!Caregiver: Tends to be unpredictable; sometimes intrudes on the child’s activities, sometimes rejects or ignores the child. Guided by whatever she wants to do.

Avoidant Attachment

Generally aloof, dismissive.

!Infant: Ignores Mom when she is around, doesn’t care when she leaves, continues to ignore her when she returns.

!Caregiver: Ignores child, doesn’t pay attention to infant’s wants or needs.

Adult AttachmentInfant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults.

!!!!!!!Secure Attachment

Comfortable with intimacy Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty


!Secure Attachment


Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty

!Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment

Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty


!Secure Attachment



!Avoidant Attachment

Prefers distance; shows compulsive self-reliance Uncomfortable with intimacy Dismissive and detached during threat/uncertainty


!Secure Attachment



Avoidant Attachment Prefers distance; shows compulsive self-reliance Uncomfortable with intimacy Dismissive and detached during threat/uncertainty

Test Your KnowledgeWhat’s This Attachment Style?

I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me. Romantic partners often want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable with.!

A) Secure Attachment

B) Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment

C) Avoidant Attachment


I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me. !





I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge with my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.!




Attachment Styles

Find out what your attachment style is: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

!Adult attachment style is relatively stable

!Important schema are typically very difficult to change

Require a lot of counter-evidence Must update automatic and deliberate aspects of schema Must overcome self-fulfilling prophecies

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Attachment Styles

However...this doesn’t mean that all relationships are the same.

!Baldwin et al. (1996)

Participants listed 10 important relationships Indicated their attachment style in each one

Over 50% of participants had experienced all 3 major attachment styles at some point or another

!Everyone can be secure/anxious/avoidant, especially if you end up dating someone who “brings out” the best (or worst) in you

Securely Attached People...

Are more likely to be married

Have fewer marital problems

!Over four years...

Only 26% of secure participants broke up with their partners 44% of anxious participants went through a break-up 52% of avoidant participants went through a break-up

!Generally, secure is good. Try to aim for secure relationships!

One Important Caveat!!

During this section, we’ve spoken a lot about the importance of having loving, attentive caregivers.

This is not meant to say ANYTHING at all about the relative merits of being a stay-at-home or working mother.

Huge, important, famous NICHD study on early childcare: Absolutely no difference in all important outcomes between kids raised by stay-at-home or working mothers. The only important thing is that when parents are home, they have high-quality, caring interactions with their children.

The infants in these examples that are “deprived of maternal affection” are typically orphans who receive no love/care.

Important Points

Characterizing Relationships Why are relationships important? How do people form relationships with each other?



Important Points

Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles



Where did you meet your best friend at UIUC?

A) In a dorm or shared living space (Greek house, etc.)

B) In a class

C) Through friends or friends-of-friends

D) Through a club/team that you attend frequently

E) None of the above

Attraction: Three Variables

Propinquity

!

Similarity

!

Physical Attractiveness

PropinquityIn other words: Physical Proximity

You become friends with people who are physically close to you Dorm, Classes, Social Circles...

You stay friends with people you can continue to easily see High school friends who go to the same college College friends who move to the same town/city Friends who are very active on social media sites

PropinquityLeon Festinger: Westgate West Study

!!In a study at MIT in the 1940s, researchers asked a bunch of students who lived in student housing (at Westgate West) to list their closest friends

!!Of the people that each respondent listed as friends, 2/3 of them were people who lived in the same building!

Propinquity

41% of people living in adjacent rooms listed each other as friends...

Only 10% of those who lived on opposite ends of a hallway did!

Propinquity

Police Academy Study

!Officers in training were assigned alphabetically to dorms and classroom seats

People with “A” names always close to other “A” names, etc.

!Officers with similar names were better friends than those with different names!

Propinquity

What about diversity?

!The largest effects of proximity on friendship are actually between people of different races, ages, and social classes!

!People tend to be willing to look further for similar friends

!As a result, “diverse” friendships tend to happen when people of different races/ages/classes are physically close & easy to run into

Propinquity

Why does propinquity lead to friendship?

1. Makes it more likely that you’ll run into each other Functional distance is more important than physical distance People who lived by the stairwell were more likely to be friends with people on other floors, even though they were technically further away

!2. People tend to give the benefit of the doubt to people they expect to interact with often.

Favorable expectations lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy !

3. Mere Exposure (Zajonc, 1968) The more you’re exposed to something, the more you like it

Propinquity

Mere Exposure Study (Zajonc, 1968)

!Showed participants a list of Turkish words

Some words shown 0, 1, 2, 5, 10, or 25 times

The more times a word had been presented, the more the participants liked it and thought it referred to something good.

This has been replicated with all sorts of things!

Likely due to fluency.

Propinquity

Proximity is the biggest predictor of whether people will become (and remain) friends or romantic partners

If you never meet, how can you become friends? If you rarely interact, how can you stay friends?

!This is a great example of a channel factor!

We want to think we intentionally seek out good friends and partners. In reality, we choose the best match in the (very) local environment.

Propinquity

!BUT...the story’s not so simple!

!Propinquity breeds friends AND enemies

It increases the chance you will have an interaction If you don’t like someone, propinquity will strengthen it

Test Your Knowledge

You are in Psych 201 with John, and the two of you become good friends over the semester. Which of the following potential reasons for your friendship is NOT based on propinquity?

A. After seeing him every Tuesday and Thursday, his face becomes more and more familiar.

B. You have a shared interest in psychology, so you bond over having this in common.

C. You know you will see him twice a week, so you want to like him (and for him to like you) so your interactions will go smoothly.

D. Of all of the seats in the classroom, you tend to sit in the two right next to each other, so you often end up chatting before class and during group activities.

Similarity!

Which do you believe more?

A. Birds of a feather flock together

B. Opposites attract

Similarity!

Engaged couples tend to be very similar...

!especially when it comes to

! demographic variables

(like social class)

physical characteristics

(like attractiveness)

and important personality traits

(like extraversion or openness)

Similarity

!Married couples tend to be more similar than chance on core personality characteristics (like extraversion or agreeableness).

!!Interracial couples tend to be more similar in personality than same-race couples, perhaps compensating for dissimilarity on one dimension by seeking out greater similarity on others

Similarity

The belief that “opposites attract” is not supported by research

If two people have complementary personality traits, they might work well together (like a dependent person with a nurturer)

However, they still need similarity in other areas to be compatible, like personality traits, interests/hobbies, or backgrounds.

Similarity: Why?

1. Similar others validate our beliefs !When we learn that others believe the same things that we do,

we feel validated !We like people who agree with our

beliefs and dislike people who disagree !Sort of like selective evaluation

!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0PHKc_tX0&noredirect=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0PHKc_tX0&noredirect=1

Similarity: Why?

2. Similarity Facilitates Smooth Interactions If 2 people share common beliefs, it’s easier for them to work together because they can take the basics for granted !

Davis (1981) Participants rated a number of attitudes on (a) overall importance and (b) importance for day-to-day interactions Participants rated how much they liked other people who agreed vs. disagreed with them on these attitudes

!Attitudes that are relevant for day-to-day life are more important for how

much you will like someone than “important” attitudes that don’t play as much of a role in your daily conversations & interactions.

Similarity: Why?3. We Expect Similar Others To Like Us

!Similar others view the world the same way we do

!We like us! They must also like us! We should like them back!

Similarity: Why?4. Similar Others Have Qualities We Like !

We tend to think our values and qualities are the “right ones” Think about the self-image bias !

Similar others probably share these same qualities If they have good qualities, why not like them?

Similarity

Not only does similarity promote interaction, but interaction promotes similarity!

Zajonc et al. (1987) – “Marriage and Similarity” Couples who were married 25+ years brought in current photos and photos from their 1st year of marriage Cropped the photos; asked unbiased people to rate how similar they looked at Time 1 and Time 2

After 25 years of marriage, couples looked more alike than they did as newlyweds!

Why??

!1. Emotional Mimicry

“If you keep making that face, it’ll get stuck that way” !

2. Shared Experiences Interpersonal & Environmental

Test Your Knowledge

Your friend Jason is shy, introverted, and likes spending quiet nights in reading a good book. You want to set Jason up on a date. Which friend should you set him up with?

!A. Alex, your friend who is crazy, extraverted, and loves to party, to help Jason expand his horizons/break out of his shell and to provide a good “complement” for his personality.

!B. Taylor, your friend who is also shy, introverted, and loves reading, so they will have a lot in common and share similar interests.

Physical AttractivenessAttractive People Are...

More likely to be asked on dates !

Rated as more popular, likeable, and successful by peers !

Assumed to be more skilled, smart, and wealthy !

Paid $3,500 more per year on average for the same job !More likely to receive help if injured !

Less likely to be convicted of crimes & given lighter sentences if convicted


Halo Effect

!The common belief that attractive people

have a host of positive qualities that

extend beyond physical appearance

!Usually an automatic inference process


!The halo effect responds to cultural stereotypes

In individualist cultures, attractive people seen as more assertive In collectivist cultures, attractive people seen as more empathic

!!Interestingly, power & status show the same differences!

In individualist cultures, powerful people are thought to be assertive In collectivist cultures, powerful people are thought to be generous


The halo effect might be due to self-fulfilling prophecies

Snyder et al. (1977) Male and female participants played a “get to know you” game Spoke over the phone; conversation was recorded Men given a profile with a picture of the woman they were talking to

Picture was fake. ½ got an “attractive picture,” ½ got “unattractive.” Later, RAs listened to the recording of the woman ONLY Women were rated as warmer and more socially skilled if they had talked to a man who thought they were attractive.

Why? If men thought she was attractive, they spoke to her in a way that elicited those positive qualities (were nicer, more interested, etc.)


Effects start early!

!Attractive infants get more attention from mothers, even before leaving hospital

!Children as young as 3 months prefer looking at attractive faces

Children are more comfortable with attractive strangers

Physical Attractiveness: Why?

1. Immediacy !As soon as you see someone, you know if they’re hot !It takes a while to find out if they’re funny, smart, kind, etc. !Primacy Effects – Initial information colors later judgments


2. Prestige !Attractive people and their partners assumed to be higher in social status !Men seen with attractive women rated higher on intelligence & success


3. Biology !Physical unattractiveness can signal poor health !!Facial symmetry is an indicator of health, also attractiveness

Symmetry = No disease or genetic problems !

!Asymmetry usually results from problems in utero (e.g. diseases, malnutrition) !

Symmetrical adults have fewer infections than asymmetrical peers

Which Is Most Attractive?

! A B C

! A B C

Which Is Most Attractive?

Physical Attractivenesswww.symmeter.com

!Symmetry of physical traits is hypothesized to reflect an individual’s overall quality of development

!A symmetrical face may be a good indicator of genetic fitness

!http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/other-shows/videos/science-of-sex-appeal-the-beauty-of-symmetry.htm

http://www.symmeter.com

http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/other-shows/videos/science-of-sex-appeal-the-beauty-of-symmetry.htm

!! A B C

Who Is Most Attractive?


“Average” faces are rated as more attractive

Composite faces are rated as more attractive than the individual faces that went into the composite

If you “average” several faces together, common features remain; unique/unusual (deviant) features get hidden

http://www.faceresearch.org/demos/average

+ =

http://www.faceresearch.org/demos/average

Caveats

Although there is some consensus about what is attractive, there is also variability!

Do you have a “type”?

Do all of your friends have this “type” too?

Probably not!

We like those who are physically attractive...BUT we also think that the people we like are more attractive!

“Eye-of-the-beholder”

Effort Justification

Mere Exposure

Test Your Knowledge

Which of the following physical features does NOT signal health and reproductive fitness?

!A. Face “averageness”

B. Bilateral facial symmetry

C. Unique facial features

Test Your Knowledge

Cassie wants Blake – her new boss – to like her. To this end, Cassie should try all of the following EXCEPT:

!A. Making herself more physically attractive.

B. Disagreeing with Blake to show that she can think for herself.

C. Working in an office that is physically closer to Blake’s.

D. Voicing similar opinions to Blake’s during casual conversations.

Sex Differences

!Do men and women differ in what they find attractive?

!Short Answer: Yes

!Long Answer: Ehh, Not So Much

Evolutionary Argument

Parental Investment The amount of resources that go into having a child Sperm are cheap; pregnancy is not

!Because women must invest more in a given child:

They should be choosier They should select mates based on ability to provide resources (e.g. wealth, skills, status) to offspring

Because men have a lower investment: They can be less choosy They should select mates based on ability to biologically produce good offspring (e.g. youth, attractiveness)

However...

I cannot stress enough the importance of always thinking about whether or not there are any confounding variables!!

These differences can also be (better) explained by culture

!Women in most cultures tend to have less power, fewer resources

In cultures with greater gender equality, women place less importance on status/resources, more importance on physical attractiveness

Women with the same level of power/status as men are just as likely to be promiscuous, have affairs, etc.

It’s not about gender/sex as much as it’s about status/resources. It’s just that in most cultures, women have fewer resources.

Test Your Knowledge

Jenny is filling out an online dating profile. Based on evolutionary theories of attraction, what should she definitely include to increase her odds of being asked out?

!A. Information about how much money she makes.

B. The most flattering picture that she has of herself.

C. Her birthday (if she’s 22 and the average age is 28).

D. Her birthday (if she’s 28 and the average age is 22).

E. Two or more of the above.

Important Points




Important Points


Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture)


Triangular Theory of Love

Three Components: Intimacy: Attachment, closeness, trust, connectedness Passion: Sexual attraction, desire, chemistry Commitment: Loyalty, shared plans and achievements

!These three components can be combined in different ways

!Different combinations = Different types of love


Intimacy Passion Commitment Example

Non-Love Most Personal Relationships

Liking x Best Friendship

Infatuation x Crush, Friend-With-Benefits

Empty Love x Loveless Marriage

Romantic Love x x Pre-Marriage Relationship

Companionate Love x x Long-Term Marriage

Fatuous Love x x Romeo & Juliet

Consummate Love x x x Western Civilization Ideal


Time

Leve

l

Passion

Intimacy

Commitment

Romantic Love

Companionate Love

Consummate Love

Test Your Knowledge

Madison and James are college seniors, and they’ve been together for the past three years. However, they’re still trying to figure out what they’re going to do after college; Madison has applied to med schools all over the country, while James is planning to stay in Illinois.

How would you describe their relationship?

A. Romantic Love (Intimacy + Passion)

B. Companionate Love (Intimacy + Commitment)

C. Fatuous Love (Passion + Commitment)

D. Consummate Love (Intimacy + Passion + Commitment)

Relationship SatisfactionInvestment Model (Rusbult)

Three factors influence partners’ commitment 1. Rewards-to-costs ratio 2. Quality of alternatives 3. Investments

Relationship SatisfactionYou will be happy if...

You get out as much as (or slightly more than) you put in You do not have high-quality alternatives You’ve been together a while; you’ve invested a lot

Relationship SatisfactionThese three factors influence commitment

Commitment determines prosocial behaviors Sacrificing for the partner, being forgiving, etc.

Prosocial behaviors lead to trust, satisfaction, and well-being

Relationship Satisfaction

1. Rewards-To-Cost Ratio !Happy relationships have a reward-to-cost ratio of 5:1 or higher !

This means that you must have at least 5 positive experiences for every 1 negative experience


2. Quality of Alternatives

Fewer Quality Alternatives = Stronger Commitment


3. Investments

Putting more into the relationship leads to stronger commitment Sunk Costs Effort Justification

Test Your Knowledge

Bruce suspects that Kris wants to break up with him, so he decides to use Rusbult’s investment model to his advantage in order to manipulate her into staying with him (bad, Bruce!)

!If Bruce tells Kris that she will never find another partner as good as him and that no one else will want to date her, he is focusing on the _____ component of Rusbult’s model.

!A. Investment C. Rewards

B. Alternatives D. Passion

Test Your Knowledge

Bruce suspects that Kris wants to break up with him, so he decides to use Rusbult’s investment model to his advantage in order to manipulate her into staying with him (bad, Bruce!)

!If Bruce reminds Kris about their children together, the house that they both own, and how difficult it would be to split up all of their property, he is focusing on the _______ component.

!A. Investment C. Rewards

B. Alternatives D. Passion

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Four behaviors that can be used to predict divorce...

...with 93% ACCURACY!

1. Contempt Expressing disdain or scorn

2. Criticism Expressing negative evaluations, being overly critical

3. Defensiveness Trying to “play the victim” and not accepting responsibility for your part

4. Stonewalling Withdrawing from the conflict; ignoring and/or avoiding the issue

Four Horsemen

Gottman & Levenson (2000) Presence of negative affect predicts early divorce Absence of positive affect predicts later divorce

!What does this mean? !If a lot of the time that you spend with your partner is filled with anger, anxiety, or conflict, you’re more likely to get divorced early on !If you don’t have a lot of negative stuff but you also don’t have a lot of positive moments, you may make it for a while, but it won’t last forever.

Oh, Kim and Kris...You should have seen it coming!

Contempt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g261zQJnXEU

!Criticism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpo5e7jHGqI

!Stonewalling

http://youtu.be/rFBH2y4Sbvk?t=1m49s

!Defensiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grBumqkW9JA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g261zQJnXEU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpo5e7jHGqI

http://youtu.be/rFBH2y4Sbvk?t=1m49s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grBumqkW9JA

Four Horsemen

Four Horsemen

Note: If you do any of these behaviors, do not despair!

This is not a “death sentence” for your romantic future !

This just lets you know what you can pay attention to if you want to ensure happier, stronger romantic bonds

!This is optimistic! No one is doomed; there are constructive ways that we can all improve. And now you know how!! ☺

Test Your Knowledge

Which of the following is NOT one of the four behaviors that are really bad for relationships?

!A. Stonewalling

B. Fighting

C. Contempt

D. Defensiveness

E. Criticism

Creating Strong Romantic Bonds1. Capitalize On The Good

Communicating positive events with a partner increases well-being above and beyond experiencing the event itself

!Partners can respond in four ways:

Active Constructive: Reacts with enthusiasm, asks follow-up questions Passive Constructive: Reacts positively, quickly moves on Active Destructive: Finds something to criticize Passive Destructive: Isn’t interested, doesn’t comment, moves on

!Which of the above do you think is the best for relationships?





!Which of the above do you think is the worst for relationships?





!Best Outcomes: Active Constructive

Worst Outcomes: Active Destructive





!Grey’s Anatomy Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9eHVqXOkPY&feature=youtu.be&t=2m10s

Is Derek’s response (A) Constructive or (B) Destructive?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9eHVqXOkPY&feature=youtu.be&t=2m10s

Creating Strong Romantic Bonds

2. Be Playful

The early part of a relationship is very lively!

!Avoid getting into a rut

Actively seek out new activities to do together Vacations, sports, clubs, trying new restaurants... These activities keep the passion level high!

!Use humor, often

Happy couples have fun nicknames, joke around, etc.


3. Care And Forgive Causal attributions matter!

!Unhappy Couples

Internal, Stable, Global for negative events External, Unstable, Specific for positive events

Happy Couples External, Unstable, Specific for negative events Internal, Stable, Global for positive events

!Cultivate a compassionate and generous view of your partner.


4. Idealize Your Partner

What is idealization? Overestimating positive traits (compared to how your partner sees self) Underestimating negative traits

Remember how people use self-serving biases to see themselves in a better light? Apply these to your partner, too!

Idealization increases satisfaction for the person who is idealized and the person doing the idealizing!

!James Carville & Mary Matalin Video ☺

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l7z0UMi6-4&feature=related&noredirect=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l7z0UMi6-4&feature=related&noredirect=1

Important Points




Important Points



Romantic Relationships Triangular Theory Investment Model; Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Capitalize on the good, be playful, care/forgive, and idealize!

Top Ten Things To KnowAttachment Styles

If given a description, be able to identify what “style” it is!

!Triangular Theory of Love !

!Rusbult’s Investment Model

!What do we find attractive?

Composite/Average Faces Symmetry Evolutionary Theories

Gottman’s Research Ideal Positive-to-Negative Ratio Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

!What does it mean that the “need to belong” is universal?

!Mere Exposure & Propinquity !

We Like Similar Others

!Self-Fulfilling Prophecies & Attractiveness

RELATIONSHIPS & ATTRACTION (Psych 201 - Chapter 10 - Spring 2014)

Education

Transcript of RELATIONSHIPS & ATTRACTION (Psych 201 - Chapter 10 - Spring 2014)