The Mom You’re Meant to Be :

Loving Your Kids While Leaning on God Bible Study and Discussion Guide for Moms’ Groups

By Cheri Fuller and Rebekah Almond

About the Authors: Cheri Fuller is a wife, a mother, an inspirational speaker, and an award-winning author of more than 27 books including the best-selling When Mother’s Pray, When Children Pray, Opening Your Child’s Spiritual Windows, and Opening Your Child’s Nine Learning Windows. Cheri’s desire to renew the hearts of moms and build families has inspired her messages, magazine articles, and books, which provide hope and encouragement to women throughout the world. Her ministry Families Pray USA motivates and equips moms and dads, children, teens, and churches to impact their world through prayer. A former teacher, Cheri holds a Master’s degree in English Literature and has wide experience teaching children, leading and speaking to mothers’ groups, and raising her own kids. She and her husband Holmes have three grown children and five grandchildren. They live in Oklahoma.

Rebekah Almond grew up in Minnesota. She graduated in 1996 from Duke University with a degree in Philosophy and English. At Duke, she also met her husband Nathan. She has been a navy wife to Nathan since 1997 and a mom to Madelyn Rose since 2003. The Almonds have lived in Washington, DC; San Diego, CA; and Pensacola, FL; and they currently reside in Chapel Hill, NC. Rebekah had the privilege of leading a neighborhood women’s Bible study in Pensacola for three years, and it was out of that small group that the idea for adding discussion questions to Cheri’s book was born. Rebekah looks forward to seeing much more of the country and world during the remainder of her husband’s naval career—fortunately she loves to travel, take pictures, and scrapbook! Her other passions include doing Bible studies, reading, having afternoon tea, rose gardening, and staying in close touch with her girlfriends and her mom, who is one of her very best friends.

Week One Read Chapters 1–5 Memorize Psalm 139:13-14 Chapter 1: The Mom You’re Meant to Be Some general questions to think about and answer before your group meets: 1) What are your top parenting challenges?

2) The topic and title of our study, The Mom You’re Meant to Be, does not mean being the perfect mom, but instead means learning how to mother by heart and with grace and how to love your kids while leaning on God. What would you most like to learn from this book and study? 3) On our parenting journey, Cheri encourages us to consider everything God can give us when we need it: “God promises wisdom when you’re fresh out of it. He offers hope and comfort when you‘re discouraged. His joy can give you the strength you need to minister to your family” (page 2). What has God given you most recently? What is your greatest need? 4) Cheri also writes, “One of my favorite aspects of mothering is the great spiritual growth potential. You see, being a mom gives you lots of opportunities to lose your life and to choose your child‘s good at the expense of your own rights” (page 2–3). Read John 12:25-26. Are there one or two specific ways being a parent has helped you grow spiritually or emotionally? In what other areas are you hoping to continue to grow? 5) Read Romans 8:26-39 and Ephesians 2:10. What new insights can you find regarding our high calling as moms and the ways God lovingly helps us along in our journey? Chapter 2: Throw Away the Cookie Cutter 1) Read all of Psalm 139 and reflect on how it relates to you as God‘s child as well as to your unique child. 2) What do you love most about each of your children, and what do you find most frustrating? How are your children different? What makes each one unique? 3) What kind of “smart” is each of your children? What kind of learner? Refer to the lists on pages 11–12. 4) Close today by reading and praying Colossians 1:9-12.

Chapter 3: Don’t Put Off Joy 1) The topic today is joy! Look up these verses and make notes about how they relate to having God’s kind of joy or happiness in our lives as mothers: Psalms. 113:7-9; 127; John 15:9-12; Romans 15:13; and Galatians 5:22-23. 2) What keeps us from choosing joy over dwelling on the “if onlys,” “whens,” and negative aspects of life and mothering? How can we overcome those obstacles? 3) What are some of the everyday miracles you’ve experienced lately? 4) Which of Cheri‘s suggestions on pages 15–17 could you put into practice right away? What are three things that you gain a lot of joy from doing or that make your heart sing? Pick one and do it this week. Chapter 4: Never Be Too Smug 1) How have you been humbled by your child recently? 2) Why do you think we as moms tend to engage in the “if-then” thinking Cheri describes on page 21? 3) Parenting reminds us that we need to be humble and rely on God‘s grace rather than attempt to be perfect parents on our own. Look up these verses and write what you see as the connection between God‘s grace and our humility: Proverbs 15:33; 18:12; Colossians. 3:12-14; and 1 Peter 5:5-7. If one of them strikes you, let it shape your prayers today. 4) How can you be supportive of and give grace to a mom who is struggling with her child’s misbehavior or some other difficult aspect of her family life?

Chapter 5: People Are More Important Than Things 1) What’s important to you in your role as a mom and as a family? 2) Having mercy and compassion on our children when they make mistakes is difficult sometimes. We have high expectations of ourselves and others. Look up and read Micah 6:8 and Isaiah 66:2. What kinds of things does God expect of us? 3) Read Psalm 145:8-9; Isaiah 40:11; Luke 1:76-79; and 1 Thessalonians 2:6-12. Record any thoughts or insights about how God shows kindness, compassion, and mercy towards His children and how that can relate to our role as a mother. 4) What is one way you could apply the message of this chapter this week? Week Two Read Chapters 6–10 Memorize Colossians 3:12 Chapter 6: Follow the Leader 1) Research shows that the number one way children learn is by imitation. Therefore, parents’ most powerful teaching tool is their role modeling. Can you give an example of something you or your child learned this way? 2) Read Ephesians 4:29–5:21, which talks about speaking and living in a way that honors and pleases God. Pick one or two specific things you need and want to work on in order to be a better role model for your family. 3) The apostle Paul says that another way to be a good model is to show our kids how to be grateful in everything. How can you practice that more consistently? Look up Colossians 3:12-17 and reflect on what it teaches us about this subject. 4) What is something that you’re currently working on with your kids

regarding character or behavior (sharing, loving, having patience, showing forgiveness, having good manners, etc.). How could you be a positive example of that trait?

Chapter 7: Teaching Your Kids to Pray 1) In today’s chapter, Cheri shares lots of practical ways for us to teach our children the power of prayer. Which of them could you incorporate this week? 2) What are the benefits of praying Scripture? What is a verse you have prayed often? 3) See what new insights you gain about the nature of prayer from these Scriptures: Psalm 91; Matthew 6:5-13; 7:7-12; and James 1:2-8; 5:13-18. 4) What is your family’s greatest need? Look for a Scripture that addresses that need and pray it together. Chapter 8: A Heart for Your Home 1) Psalm 127:1 says that “unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” Cheri gives us some practical ideas about making our home a refuge. Which of her suggestions would work the best for you? 2) Beyond decorating, what are some things you could do to make your home reflect and be used for the glory of God? 3) What makes you feel at home? What would it take for you to “build” your home? 4) Is there something you’ve put off doing in your home that you’d really love to do now? 5) Have you discovered a successful way to clean your house or get your kids to help with chores? Share some ideas with others in your group. You might help a mom next to you. Chapter 9: Fingerprints on the Wall

1) Cheri cautions us today about being so busy with nonessential things that we start to “look at our children as interruptions instead of priorites” (page 42) .Read Luke 12:15-34 and reflect on what God teaches us here about the nature of priorities. 2) What could you do to really seize each day with your children? Are there one or two things that would leave you feeling you had accomplished the most important things that day? 3) What really matters to you? Write down the few things in your life that are nonnegotiable priorities right now. Are you actually using your time to do these things? 4) In the midst of mothering it’s hard to believe there will be time one day to pursue your own dreams and goals apart from being a wife and mom. What are some of your dreams? What are some practical steps you could take toward accomplishing some of your goals even while being a mom and keeping family as your focus? 5) The story on page 42 about the woman who raised five children at home and then later became a counselor after several fulfilling jobs encourages those of us who long to do and be more than a full-time mom. What are some advantages to joining the working world at an older age? What light does Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 shed on this whole topic? Chapter 10: Listen With Your Heart 1) Today we’re learning about the value of holding our tongues and really listening to others. Read Proverbs 10:19-21; 15:1-2; 17:28–18:8; and James 1:19-22. Which of these verses speak the most to you right now? What can we learn from them? 2) Read the poem “Take a Moment to Listen Today” on page 45 aloud in your group. Talk about a time you listened to your child and found out what was bothering him or her, or tell about something you would never have known had you not tuned in to your child.

3) How can you practice being still and listening more to your children and husband? When could you set aside extra time this week to listen to what God is saying to you as well? 4) Apply one of the suggestions Cheri provides on page 46–47 this week and jot down what happened. Share it with the group next week.

Week Three Read Chapters 11–15 Memorize Ephesians 3:20-21 Chapter 11: Cultivating Friendships with Moms 1) How could you be a better friend today by making a phone call, sending a note of encouragement, or inviting someone to a simple lunch at your home? 2) Friendship is so important to us as women and moms. Look at these familiar verses about being a good friend: Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:2-10; and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Do you have a friend who is closer than a brother (or sister in this case)? If so, praise God for her; if not pray that God will send the right person soon! 3) Have you heard of or attended any of the groups Cheri mentions on pages 51–52? What other ideas do you have for making connections with like-minded moms? 4) We would be remiss not to think of befriending those who may not know Jesus yet. Read Matthew 9:35-38 and 1 John 3:16-24. What could you do as an individual or as a small group to make an impact on other moms in your community for Christ? Chapter 12: A Mom’s Greatest Gift 1) Read Philippians 4:4-9; Hebrews 4:14-16; 1 John 5:13-15; and Mark 1:35. What insights about prayer did God give you as you read the passages above? 2) Are there books, articles, ideas, etc., that have been helpful prompts to keep your kids frequently in your prayers? Cheri’s Multnomah Press book When Mothers Pray: Bringing God’s Power and Blessing to Your Children’s Lives has many helpful suggestions on overcoming barriers to impact and bless your children’s lives through prayer. What is your biggest hindrance in prayer— distracted thoughts, busyness, etc? 3) How has God answered your prayers for your children in the past?

4) What are your major prayer burdens for your children right now? 5) Who prayed for you when you were growing up? Your mom, your grandma, another family member, a Sunday school teacher? Take a few moments to thank God for them and the impact of their prayers on your life.

Chapter 13: Great Expectations 1) On page 59 Cheri says, “Kids who overcome obstacles and succeed have something in common: a parent who has high expectations for them and believes in them, someone who encourages them to keep on trying and shows them ways to use their God-given strengths to compensate for their weaknesses.” What do you think the balance is between expecting too much and not expecting enough? Reflect on Romans 12:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 12, and write down any insights you receive about how each child might be differently gifted and wired by God and how that should impact your expectations. 2) Read Ephesians 2:10; 3:16-21; and Jeremiah 29:10-14. What kinds of things does God have in store for your children? How could you specifically encourage your child to use some of his or her God-given abilities this week? 3) What do you expect from your child in different areas such as homework, reading, and chores? Ask God to give you His expectations for your children, and make the commitment to pray, equip, and encourage them until the fulfillment comes. 4) Do you know someone (child or adult) who overcame great odds to shine in some area? What do you think helped them persevere and succeed? Chapter 14: Go Fly a Kite 1) What are some things or activities that make your spirit soar? Could you schedule a little bit of time to do those things this week? 2) How about your kids—what do they love to do? When could you have fun with the things you all enjoy? 3) What are some benefits of doing activities that make your spirit soar? 4) Sometimes it’s easy to feel like we don’t have much to be joyful about. Let’s look at what the Bible says to focus on or to do in order to be filled

with joy. Read Psalms 28:7; 92:4-5; Luke 1:13-14; John 16:21-24; and 1 Peter 1:3-9, and write down your reflections. 5) Spend a little extra time in prayer today asking God to help you identify his priorities for your days in this season. Jot down any insights. Chapter 15: Trust Your Heart 1) Why is it harder to be flexible and adaptive to our kids and their individual needs than to follow a program? 2) Write down your reaction to and discuss in your group the Kevin Leman quote from page 69: “An easily controlled child is set up for a lot of problems in life. He doesn’t have the strength to say no, so when he gets to preadolescence, he doesn’t have much defense. In effect, by forcing our control on a kid, we are increasing the probability that the jaws of the peer group will rip that kid apart.” 3) Where does wisdom (in this case regarding parenting) come from and how can we get it? Read 2 Chronicles 20:12-15; Psalm 119:97-105; Proverbs 2:1-6; 3:1; and James 1:5, and write down the key idea you gain from each passage. 4) Think about each of your children. What kind of discipline do they respond to: requests, commands, punishments (spanking or time out), logical consequences? What does each of them need? Week Four Read Chapters 16–20 Memorize 1 John 4:10-11 Chapter 16: Gratitude Is a Memory of the Heart 1) First, do Cheri’s exercise under “Question for Reflection” on page 73. Tell each other about the people who came to mind.

2) Today’s reading highlights gratitude’s centrality to a happy, content family. Read the story in Luke 17:11-19. Also read Ephesians. 5:15-20 and Philippians 2:3-18; 4:11-13. What are the true spiritual roots of ingratitude? Which do you struggle with the most?

3) Part of being the mom you’re meant to be is being the wife you’re meant to be as well. On page 72, Cheri says it all: “Research shows that the biggest impact on kids’ values is the relationship they observe between their mom and dad.” In light of that, in which areas do you need to relate to your husband (or maybe even ex-husband) differently? How could you show him more gratitude, respect, and love? 4) In addition to Cheri’s suggestions on pages 72–73, do you have any additional ideas for showing more gratitude yourself or as a family? Chapter 17: Create a Quilt of Memories 1) What are some of your favorite memories from childhood? 2) What is your favorite memory with your children? 3) How do you want your children to remember their family life? What kind of memories do you want them to have? 4) Which memory-making ideas in the chapter gave you inspiration? What have you either found for your family or heard from other families about how to make special memories? 5) What kinds of things would you like to do with your children as they grow up? Chapter 18: Words That Work 1) Today’s reading is about effective encouragement. What words of wisdom did you glean from the chapter on praising effort over smartness? 2) Let’s expand the topic of encouragement to words in general and how we as mothers and wives can use them to build up or tear down. Look at what the book of Proverbs says on this topic. Read Proverbs 14:1; 15:12-18; 25:24; and 27:15-17. What stands out to you the most from these verses?

3) Look up the dictionary definitions of “encourage” and “encouragement.” What do they tell us about the effect of encouragement on children or adults? 4) Are there specific ways you could encourage your husband and children this week? Pick one of the six suggestions Cheri gives on page 80 to apply this week. Chapter 19: Connecting with Your Kids on Their Turf 1) What is your child’s turf? Have you had some success with trying this kind of availability in the past? 2) For those of you who have older children, do you have any tips for those of us with younger kids on how to connect as they grow? 3) Discuss the analogy Cheri makes between oatmeal and children’s emotions and thoughts on page 83. When is a time you’ve seen this operate? 4) This principle of getting on someone’s turf to better connect with him works very well with husbands. What is your husband’s turf? What does he enjoy most? How could you join him in this? Chapter 20: You’ve Been on My Mind 1) The five “love languages” according to the book with the same title by Gary Chapman are physical touch, encouraging words, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Which of these communicate love to you and your child? 2) Read Romans 12:9-12; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Galatians 5:13-14; and 1 John 4:7-12. What do you learn from these verses about the nature of mature godly love and how to show it to others—specifically your family this week? 3) When was the last time you told your husband you love him in a way that matches his love language? Would he receive your love best if you said it

with physical affection, like a hug or sitting close to him during a football game on TV? Is he a word person who likes to read words of admiration in a card? Is he a giver who’d love to receive a thoughtful gift from you? 4) Try one of the suggestions Cheri gives for letting your kids know they’ve been on your mind on pages 87–88.

Week Five Read Chapters 21–25 Memorize Proverbs 31:30 Chapter 21: Letting Go 1) Which of the suggestions on pages 92–93 would fit you best as you work to let go? 2) What particular aspect of your child’s life do you need to trust God with right now? What thing or desire that you’re attached to needs to be released so you’ll feel lighter or more content? 3) Today’s reading focuses on a lot of “heart” issues: control, trust, and being stewards of our children. What thoughts come to mind as you read these words from page 93–94: “When you put their hands in God’s loving hands . . . You live with the sense that your children aren’t really yours but on loan from God and that you’re to care for them but not control them”? 4) Let’s see what the Bible has to say about the issues mentioned above. A) Control: Look up Philippians 3:20-21 and Jeremiah 1:4-5. B) Trust: Read Psalms 56 and 115:11-15. C) Stewardship: Read 1 Chronicles 29:10-14 with children being the form of wealth you have in mind. Which of these verses stands out to you as you think about the ways God is truly in control over all the details of your life and your child’s? 5) Discuss Walt Wangerin’s insight on page 91 about the pain of childbearing and the part of mothering that’s the most laborious. Chapters 22 & 23: Keeping Your Kids Healthy and Fit / Move Your Body 1) What inspired you the most as you read these chapters—either pertaining to your physical fitness or your child’s? 2) Page 97 discusses some healthy food options. Which of these seem like ones you would try? What other tips have you tried or heard about regarding

incorporating better food habits into your family mealtimes? Do you have any books or articles to recommend? 3) What strategies have you found most effective for developing consistent exercise habits for yourself or your children? Or are you in the position of needing to jumpstart yourself and your family in order to develop good exercise habits? If so, what activities would each person really enjoy doing either alone or as a group? Remember to keep trying lots of options until you find something that you’ll look forward to and enjoy. 4) Could you make some time to invest in and cultivate your marriage by taking walks with your husband in order for the two of you to have those“heart-to-heart” talks Cheri writes about on page 102? Could you, for example, take kids along in strollers or arrange to swap exercise times with another mom? 5) Obviously, eating well and getting exercise are part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle, but we don’t want to get carried away with the messages we get from the world about why those things are important. Cheri says on page 98 to “encourage your kids to eat healthy to be fit rather than thin.” That’s good advice for us as women in today’s society as well! Let’s look at what God’s Word says on the issue. Read Proverbs 31:30; Isaiah 53:2-3; 1 Peter 3:3-5; and 1Tim 2:9-11; 4:7-8. What insight did you gain about God’s view of beauty? Chapter 24: Lord, Change Me 1) Cheri says that “one of the wonderful things about parenting [is]—it draws us to God time and again” (page 104). How has that been true for you? 2) In which ways has being a mother changed you? 3) It seems that often when God wants us to get a personal message He’ll repeat a Scripture or theme in several different forms: maybe in a sermon, devotional, song or Bible study. In the midst of the challenges of parenting, what has God brought to your mind in terms of an encouragement, instruction, or comfort as you change to be more like Him?

4) What is God teaching you at this stage of marriage and motherhood? What areas in your life or character need transforming or refining? Thank Him for the learning process and for His patience as you grow (as most humans do) going three steps forward and two steps back.

Chapter 25: Jump In! 1) Take a moment and read this quote from page 108 a couple of times. “Times of ‘being there,’ in play or activity, not preoccupied with adult worries and concerns but really observing, listening, and being involved, tell a child with your actions,’I love you. You’re important enough to warrant my presence and my full attention.’” How and when could you give your child that kind of attention this week? 2) Where is a place you could “jump in” with your child this week? Write down practical ways you’re going to do this. 3) Let’s take this measure of undivided love a step further since being the mom you’re meant to be includes being the wife and child of God that you’re meant to be as well. How and when could you give your husband undivided love this week? 4) How about giving God that kind of attention this week? Although it may seem very difficult to have one-on-one time with God in the midst of mothering and whatever else you juggle—it’s important to develop a relationship with him. Cheri found that whenever she asked God to “show me a window of time I can be with you as I read your Word,” He would. Something would open up, neighbors would invite her kids over, they’d take a nap, etc. This is a prayer God loves to answer. Week Six Read Chapters 26–30 Memorize Isaiah 40:11 Chapter 26: Lord, Give Me Patience Patience! This is one of the main virtues we all hope to grow in. Because of this, let’s take a little extra time today to study the topic. 1) First of all, let’s focus on the sentence on page 112 that reads “Respect your child for what he or she is now, as a preschooler. There may never be a

happier time.” What could you change in order to fully embrace the wonder and joy of this stage if you have one or more preschoolers? 2) Let’s see what the Bible teaches us about how to acquire patience. Thankfully we don’t have to muster it up on our own—instead it’s one of the gifts God freely gives us as we grow in Him and ask Him. It’s a fruit of His Spirit! So, how do we get more of it? Read Colossians 1:9-12; 2 Corinthians 1:3-6; 6:4-7; and Hebrews 12:1-12. What are the main ways spoken of here that God uses to help us grow in patience? 3) Look up Psalms 37:3-8; 40:1-4; Proverbs 19:11; and Ephesians 4:1-3. Based on these verses what can you do in an effort to increase your level of godly patience? What is going on in your life right now that is causing you to stretch your patience muscles? 4) What is an area in which you need to be more patient with one of your kids? Chapter 27: Why, Mommy, Why? Today’s subject is affirmation and encouragement, especially of curiosity, creativity, and the wonderment of childhood. There’s a powerful story that Mary Kassian recalls in her Bible study Conversation Peace: His mother was not home, but the young boy wanted to draw, so he got out the bottles of ink and enlisted his sister as a model. The young artist made an inky mess of his hands, clothes, table, and floor. Just as he was finishing his work, his mother returned. For a moment she stood in the door and silently took in the scene. Then, instead of scolding him, she picked up the portrait and declared, “What a beautiful picture of your sister!” and kissed him. Later in life, the great artist Benjamin West recounted, “With that kiss, I became a painter.” It would have been so easy for that mother to focus on the mess. . . . instead she affirmed him.1 This story is such an example of putting aside the less important task of the moment (cleaning up, expressing disappointment, making sure your 1 Mary Kassian, Conversation Peace (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2004), 96.

child understands that he was wrong, disciplining him, etc.) in favor of focusing on the bigger task at hand (not crushing your child’s spirit or creativity). This mom realized she could do both tasks if she was wise and handled the timing well. 1) On page 115 of today’s reading Cheri says that kids often lose their sense of wonder and curiosity by junior high, and they stop asking so many questions. Reflect on how you generally respond to your children’s questions and/or curiosity. Are you impatient or rushed? 2) If so, what could you do to take more time with them? How could you affirm or encourage your children’s curiosity and creativity at the stages they’re in now? 3) Share about a creative or unexpected question your child asked. 4) We’ve talked a lot about our priorities—take some time to reflect and pray about what you feel like God is saying to you about the kind of priorities He wants you to have in your day and life as a wife and mother. Do you need to add or subtract certain things in order to keep your husband and kids first? Chapter 28: Worry Is Like a Rocking Chair 1) What are you most worried about today? Which of Cheri’s suggestions on pages 118-120 would help you most in your current worrisome situations? 2) On page 119 Cheri says, “Worry is a joy-stealer and energy-robber that causes us to overprotect or control our children and not be emotionally available to them. It also uses up the strength we need for today.” None of us wants this to be the case, so let’s see what the Bible says about this common problem. Read Isaiah 41:8-13; Psalm 94:17-19; Luke 12:22-31; and John 14:27. Which one of these speaks to you the most? 3) What are the biblical solutions to anxiety and worry? What does God promise us in return for “casting our cares upon Him?” What can we do to claim what he promises? Read Psalms 4:6-8; 119:165; Proverbs 18:10; and

Isaiah 30:15; 33:2; 40 (the whole chapter is great to read if you have time, otherwise focus on verses 11, 25-31). Write down what you discover. 4) Can you share an example of a fear or worry you had and the circumstances in which God helped you with it by giving you peace, delivering you from it or bringing you through it somehow? Chapter 29: Power Struggle 1) For those of you who have older children, can you give examples where the principle of letting them have some power over their choices was beneficial? Even among moms of younger children it seems that we should be striving to help them learn how to make wise choices by letting them give input on small issues now and larger ones as they grow. 2) Can you think of an issue you could start letting your child have some power over now? 3) Discuss the quote on page 124: “I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all; but whatever I placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” 4) In what areas are you experiencing a conflict or power struggle with your child? What may God want to show you or change in you? Ask for His wisdom in knowing how to respond to and handle this issue. 5) What are some “majors” and “minors” at your house? Chapter 30: Focus on the Donut 1) Why is it harder for us to focus on the positive aspects of our children’s or husband’s efforts? We often seem to zero in on the ways and areas they don’t “measure up” to our standards. 2) What does Cheri say are some of the benefits of focusing on the donut? 3) We all know it’s important to build each other up and to encourage each

other, but we don’t always do it. It’s largely a matter of our hearts. Jesus says in Luke 6:45, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Part of being the moms we’re meant to be is asking God to transform our hearts so that our words and behavior will be edifying to those around us—especially our family members. What additional insight does the Bible give into why and how to encourage one another? Read Romans 15:1-8; 1 Corinthians 8:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:11-15; Hebrews 3:12-13; 10:19-25; and James 3:3-12. 4) What can you do or say that will “focus on the donut” in some specific area of your child’s life: character qualities, skills, school subjects, sports, or spiritual gifts?

Week Seven Read Chapters 31–35 For the next two weeks memorize Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Chapter 31: Tell Me a Story 1) What are the benefits of making storytelling a part of your lifestyle as a family? 2) Which of Cheri‘s storytelling ideas from page 130 did you like best? 3) What was your favorite story as a child? Practice it and then tell it to your child. 4) Reminding younger generations about God’s faithfulness is frequently mentioned throughout the Bible. Psalm 78 says to “tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.” How can you tell your children more Bible stories and more stories of God’s goodness to you and your family? 5) Jesus often told parables and stories to get His points across. (Read Mark 4:30-34 to find out why and how He did this.) Stories seem to stay with us a lot longer than facts or arguments. Let’s look at how the Bible weaves complex truths into stories: Read 2 Samuel 12:1-13 for a very convicting story Nathan told David after his sin with Bathsheba. Then read the parables found in Luke 10:25-37 and 15:1-32. Which of these stories speaks to you the most and why? How can we follow Jesus’ example in teaching our children through interesting and captivating ways ? Chapter 32: Around the Table 1) Do you have memories of family dinners together? What made them special? 2) In addition to Cheri’s ideas on pages 132–135, do you have ideas on how to make mealtime meaningful?

3) What tips or suggestions do you have or have you heard for simplifying mealtimes, streamlining menus, shopping, or preparing meals in order to spend less time in the kitchen and more at the dinner table with your family? 4) Research shows one of the top things kids who make high grades have is regular dinner conversation with parents. What might you need to rearrange in your schedule to have the evening meal together? Chapter 33: Building Your Child’s Faith The next two chapters address the issue of teaching our children. No matter where they go to school, parents are their primary teachers, especially their spiritual teachers. Furthermore, there isn’t an age too young to start telling them about God. Let’s look at what the Bible tells us about the subject of teaching. We’ll begin by looking from 3 main perspectives. 1) What and how does the Bible say to teach? Read Deuteronomy 5:1-29; 6:4-9; John 15:9-17; and Titus 2. 2) In Cheri’s book Opening Your Child’s Spiritual Windows, she says that the early years (especially before puberty) are a golden window of opportunity for kids to come to know and love God. She also says that faith development is very relational, best done at home by parents and supported and reinforced by church, VBS programs, etc. Why do you think this is so? 3) What are the benefits for our children of teaching them what the Bible has to say? Look up Proverbs 6:20-24; 7:1-5; and Ephesians 6:1-4. 4) Finally, what are God’s promises to us about how He will equip us to teach? Read Psalm 25:9-15; Isaiah 50:4-5; 59:21; and John 14:23-26. 5) After reading all these verses, which ones stand out to you the most and why? What are you most excited about teaching your children after reading the chapters and the Bible verses? Chapter 34: Where’s God Calling You?

1) How have you sensed God’s guidance concerning your children’s schooling, if they’re old enough for you to be thinking about it? Focus on the Family recommends the book A + Education: Choosing the Best School Option for Your Child by William Eckenwiler, which may be helpful in choosing a school. 2) What is most important to you in a school environment for your child? 3) How could you get involved in your child’s school if it is beyond home? What do you think the benefits of parental involvement are? 4) How could you support or pray for those who have chosen a different option for their child’s education? 5) Cheri suggests when you drive through a school zone to think of it as a “prayer zone,” regardless of whether you have children attending there. Pray that every person will know Jesus, that he will bring them from darkness into His marvelous light, that the students and teachers will be safe and protected, and that God will accomplish His purposes as He strengthens the Christians who are serving there. Chapter 35: I Had a Mommy Who Read to Me 1) What are some of your favorite books, authors, or stories from your childhood? 2) What is your child’s current center of learning excitement? Try to find some books on the subject to encourage further reading ability. 3) Do you currently practice any of Cheri’s suggestions on pages 145–147? If not, which would you like to try this week? 4) Cheri suggests playing board games as a great way to boost your child’s language skills. What are your family’s favorite board games?

Week Eight Read Chapters 36–40 This week finish memorizing Deuteronomy. 6:5-7 Chapter 36: Christmas Is Coming 1) What can you do this year to make Christmas more meaningful and memorable? Keep in mind the sentences at the top of page 150 about the happiest Christmas memories of college students: “Not one mentioned presents. . . . But the favorite holiday memories college students rated were: being with grandparents, being with family, decorating the tree, singing carols, eating a special meal.” 2) What are your favorite Christmas memories from childhood or your current family’s holidays? 3) What, if any, traditions are too stressful and may need to be let go of? 4) What is an intangible gift you could give this holiday season? Which of Cheri’s specific ideas on pages 150–152 do you want to try? Chapter 37: Mentors for Moms 1) Have you had memorable mentor relationships in the past or do you have one currently? Who are some of your mentors—both inside and outside immediate family? 2) What have you learned or gained from this personal relationship? Who could you mentor? 3) If you have questions and issues that you would love to discuss with a mentor but don’t have one, ask God to bring someone to your mind or across your path who might take you under her wing. During the season of waiting for a mentor, allow God to be your mentor and meet your needs. Read and reflect on Philippians 4:11-13, 19.

4) Is there a particular issue you have insight into that you could pass along to another mom? Or is there an issue on which you’d love to have the perspective of an older mother? Take the initiative to encourage a mom younger than yourself, and pray for God to bring a wise older woman along your path. Chapter 38: No Perfect Parents 1) Have you had an experience in the recent past that humbled you just when you thought you had a particular aspect of parenting figured out? 2) One of God’s great desires is for us to be humble, and He uses parenting as one major way to accomplish that purpose in our lives. Isaiah 66:2 says, “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.” Oh how we want to be the women, wives, and mothers God esteems. Let’s look at some other verses we can use as comforts when our children kick and scream their way through a crowded place! Read Psalm 25:4–5, 9-13; Proverbs 11:2; Matthew 11:28-30; James 3:13-18; and 1 Peter 5:5-7. Which of these speaks to your heart the most right now? 3) Are you or your child consistently worried about doing things perfectly or afraid of failing? If so, bring this to God and ask Him to give you both a fresh perspective and reassurance to gain a more realistic view of yourself, your child, and others. 4) A recent article in a national news magazine stated that one of the major things causing motherhood to be so stressful for millions of American women today is the pursuit of “Perfect Mommydom.” How has this affected you? 5) Do you ever compare yourself to other moms who seem to have it all together and feel you come up short? It’s easy to compare ourselves to others and feel like we either don’t measure up or are superior to others, depending on the issue. In what areas do you struggle with comparison? Look up Galatians 6:2-4, 9; Philippians 1:6; and Colossians 3:23–24. What encouragement do these verses provide for you as you focus on the “work” of mothering your specific children with your unique talents and gifts?

Chapter 39: If I Had My Life to Live Over 1) In the very first women’s Bible study group that did the earliest version of this study in 2004, a member named Rosie died from cancer shortly before the study of Cheri’s book began. One of the last times Rosie came to Bible study, she reflected on the busy pace of her life before she was diagnosed with cancer and wished she hadn’t felt driven to fill up her time with so much rushing around. She’d had a hard time saying “no” to worthy causes and filled her waking hours with volunteering and working as well as being the full-time mom of three young girls. She said she was always in the car rushing back and forth to various activities and wished she could have some of those days back to just be with her family. Her words of regret had a large impact on the rest of us while we did the study for The Mom You’re Meant to Be. I pray that God will give us the wisdom to have priorities that will give our days eternal meaning so that if confronted with the reality of less time on earth than we had hoped for, we won’t have as many regrets. Take some extra time this week to talk to and listen to God about this issue. 2) Time urgency affects many of us. Experts on family life today describe most parents and kids as in the midst of “scheduled hyperactivity.” Ask your husband and kids what the one thing is that they don’t want to miss this (summer, fall, winter, spring), jot it down, and then share it with your group. 3) James 4:14 says, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” What are the things that are at the absolute top of your priority list for your days? Would that list change if you lived with the reality of how little time you have to make a lasting difference? Reflect on your typical day: how could your schedule more accurately reflect those priorities? 4) What would you have done differently in your 20s or 30s (or in the last five years) if you knew what you know now? What would you like to do differently today?

Chapter 40: Keeping Our Focus Write down your overall thoughts and reflections as you finish this study. Go back over your notes and anything that you marked, underlined, or highlighted in your book. 1) What do you feel you’ve learned the most about? 2) What do you feel like God has been saying to you as you read the book and Bible verses? How could you apply this to your life? 3) Knowing this life on earth was going to be hard, God gave people three free gifts that reduce stress, lighten our hearts, and increase joy. These gifts are music, nature, and laughter. How could you incorporate these gifts in your life?