Raising Children In a New Culture. Challenges for parents Weather Language – learn English Find a...
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Transcript of Raising Children In a New Culture. Challenges for parents Weather Language – learn English Find a...
Raising Children In a New Culture
Challenges for parents
Weather
Language – learn English Find a place to live Find a job Go to school
Challenges for parents
Parents want to keep their culture - food and customs. Children want to eat pizza and Macdonalds like their friends.
Children adapt faster than their parents.
Challenges for parents The culture in Canada is not familiar. It is sometimes
difficult to understand.
Family members are not here to help you.
Parents must do many things - take care of children, cook, clean, grocery shopping AND work at a job.
Challenges for parents
Disciplining children in Canada is different than in the
home country.
Children have rights. Parents do not understand the laws in Canada.
Children have too much freedom. Parents feel they do not have control.
Parents worry about their children’s safety.
Challenges for Parents
Do parents have rights in Canada?
Parents have the right to set limits for their children.
Parents have the right to make rules for the family.
Parents have the right to teach their culture to their children as long as their beliefs do not break the law in Canada.
Challenges for Parents
What are parents’ responsibilities in Canada?
Parents are responsible to: look after their children until they are 18 years
old provide food and clothing provide a safe home for their children make sure children go to school
Challenges for children
• Language – learn English
• School is different
• Children are lonely – no friends
• Bullying at school
Challenges for children
Children are growing up in 2 cultures.
Children want to please their parents.
They also want to be like their
Canadian friends.
Children may think they do not belong
to either culture.
Values Values are beliefs that are very important
to us.
We want to teach these values to our children.
People can have different ways of seeing the same thing. It doesn’t always mean that one person is wrong.
What do you see?
Values
Our values can change when
we get new information, our belief or value does not help us in the
new country, or we learn a new way to do something.
Changing Values / Adaptation
Adapting to a new culture = change.
Change happens slowly – little by little.
Keep some beliefs from your culture.
Choose some beliefs from Canadian culture.
Find a balance between 2 cultures.
your culture new culture
Take the good things from your culture and Canadian culture.
Discipline and Punishment
Discipline is NOT the same as punishment.
Discipline
Setting rules and limits for children
Listening to children
Solving problems with children
Setting a good example for children
Discipline
Discipline teaches children how to behave well.
Discipline teaches children how to change behaviour.
Examples of Punishment
Hitting or spanking Using physical force Calling the child names Making the child feel bad about himself or
herself (put downs) Threatening the child Yelling or screaming at the child
Punishment
Punishment makes children afraid.
Punishment does not teach children to change behaviour.
What kind of family are you?
(Barbara Coloroso)
Brick wall family
Jellyfish family
Backbone family
Brick Wall Authoritarian Parent Parents demand
absolute obedience.
Parents control their
children – no discussion.
Children are afraid of being punished.
(Brick Wall)
Brick Wall (Authoritarian)
There can be an emotional distance between parents and children.
Children may rebel (drugs, alcohol, sex). This is a way of getting back at parents.
Children do not learn how to make good choices.
Jelly Fish Permissive Parent Parents do not set any
rules for their children.
Children do whatever they want.
Children are confused, because they think no one cares.
(Jelly Fish)
Jelly Fish (Permissive)
Children do not feel connected to their family.
Teenagers may use drugs or alcohol or join a gang to be with friends.
Teenagers may have a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel loved.
Backbone Authoritative Parent Parents care about
their children’s behaviour.
Parents set rules for
their children.
Parents teach children how to think - not what to think.
(back bone)
Backbone (Authoritative)
Children help make the rules. Parents are the final authority (the boss of the family).
Children understand the rules, so they are more willing to accept them.
Children can help decide what happens if they do not follow the rules.
Remember No one can be a backbone parent 100% of the
time.
You can be a backbone parent most of the time.
Communication
Communication is how we talk to each other.
Every culture has their own way of communicating.
Some ways of communicating help us have better family relationships.
Communication
Roadblocks
Serc 2009
Roadblocks to communication
Lecture or judge
Talk and not listen
Criticize – think we are always “right”
Point a finger at the other person
Serc 2009
Effective Communication Two-way communication
Listening is important
Serc 2009
The Chinese characters for “listen”
聽
The Chinese characters for “listen”
聽 undivided attention
eyes
heart
ear
To Listen:
Eye contact
Eye contact means looking at a person’s eyes when you are talking to him or her.
Do people in your culture make eye contact when they talk to each other?
What does eye contact mean in your culture?
Eye contact
In Canada eye contact is a good thing.
Eye contact means “I am listening to what you say.”
Eye contact means “I care about you.”
Effective Communication
● Two-way communication
● Listening is important
聽 The Chinese characters that make up the verb “to listen” tell us
something significant about this skill.
Serc 2009
ear eyes
Undivided attention
heart
Being a parent is an important job.
Children and parents learn together.
Try to understand your child’s adaptation.
Ask your child:
“How does it feel to grow up in Canada?
Being a parent is an important job. As a parent, you constantly learn more and
more about your children.
Talk about your values and beliefs.
Set family rules together.
Talk about behaviour that is acceptable.
Praise your children when they behave well.
Parent – child relationship
The relationship between parents and their children is important.
Do not reject your child. If you do, your child may find connection with groups that put your child at risk of harm.
Parent – child relationship
Parents and children can work together to solve the challenges of adapting to a new culture.
Parent-child relationship
Ask yourself:
“What is more important? Keeping everything from my culture or making some changes to keep my family together?”