R-I-C-K SPELLS DISASTERWritten byNick AdamsA Rick and Morty spec scriptAddressPhone NumberINT. MORTYS BEDROOM - 3AMRICK quietly opens the door to Mortys pitch black room.Rick tiptoes over to the bed where MORTY is sleeping and knocks over a shelf along the way.Morty jumps awake and hits a light.MORTYRick!What are you doing?Its three in the morning!.RICKTheres no time to explain, Morty.I need your help.MORTYDid you ever think that I might have plans for a change?Rick fiddles with a gadget.RICKWhatd you say, Morty?MORTYI have plans, Rick!The school spelling bee is tomorrow and I have to be there.I shouldnt even be awake right now!RICKMorty, Morty, Morty.Listen to me.I give you my word you will not miss that stupid spelling bee.MORTY(annoyed)Rick!Morty buries himself in his covers. RICKGreat!Come on Morty, were wasting time.Rick exits,Morty gets out of bed, grabs a dictionary off his desk and follows.INT. RICKS GARAGE LABORATORY - MORNINGRick and Morty enter the garage.Ricks flying car is covered with dead meegull carcasses.RICKMy friend Birdperson had a birthday bonanza on planet Zeptron last night.He didnt want to tell me until after I got there that its meegull migrating season. MORTYWhats a meegull?RICKYoure looking at it Morty.One meegull is still holding onto life, screaming in agony on Ricks windshield. RICK (CONTD)Its like a bird and a crab had a baby, and that baby was a hairless freak that flies around eating garbage and crapping on your car.Morty pets the dying meegull.MORTYHey, theyre kinda cute.RICKDont let them fool you, Morty.Theyre bastards.All of them.And a pain in the ass to get off my windshield. MORTYCant you just squeegie it off or something?Thats what my dad does when bugs get on his car.RICKI wish it were that simple, Morty.But Meegull blood is thick, and theres only one thing thatll get it off.MORTYOh god, Rick.Not again.Morty starts to unzip his pants.2.RICKNo, Morty!I need windshield wiper fluid.But a special kind from a special place on planet Zeptron. Its the only thing that can dissolve all these dead meegulls.MORTYSo we just need to go to Zeptron and get the fluid?RICKPrecisely, Morty.MORTYAnd youre sure well make it back for the spelling bee?RICKDo I look like a liar, Morty?(beat)Now come on before the rest of this meegull blood hardens.Rick opens a portal.Both him and Morty climb in the flying car and they take off to another planet. INT. DINING ROOM - MORNINGJERRY, BETH and SUMMER eat breakfast at the table in silence.BeatJerry sets his fork down and looks up.JERRYMORTY!Get down here, breakfast is ready!SUMMERI dont think hes here, Dad.JERRYWhere else would he be, huh?SUMMERI think I heard grandpa wake him up really early this morning.JERRYWell...fine.More bacon for me then.3.Jerry takes the bacon off Mortys plate.BETHI dont mind them spending time together, I just wish theyd let us know when they were leaving...JERRYWhen has your father ever been one to let us know anything?Oh, like the time when he showed up at our door and let us know he was moving in? BETHJerry!Can we not start right now?Its my one day off with no obligations, I dont want to spend it arguing.JERRYNo obligations?! Hunny!Did you forget what today is?Beth and Summer stare at Jerry.JERRY (CONTD)Its our annual spring cleaning!SUMMERIm not wasting my Saturday doing that.JERRYAh, Summer.Sometimes you have to spend a day off doing things you dont wanna do.BETHJerry, thats what Sundays are for.JERRYNot this time!Well start on the inside, work our way out and finish with the Christmas lights.Whos ready for some fun?!Summer and Beth look down at their plates and play with their food silently.4.INT. RICKS FLYING CAR ON ZEPTRON - MORNINGRick and Morty fly in the car covered with meeguls.Morty flips through a dictionary.RICKSo theres this big flea market here.Real big.And they sell anything you could ever want.MORTYAnything?RICKAnything, Morty.We just have to find the guy with the fluid. MORTYSo just a quick in and out, right?RICKIts not that simple, Morty. Did I mention this is a big flea market?MORTYYeah... RICKOkay, because this thing is huge.First we have to find the guy that sells the fluid.Then well have to stop at the food court...MORTYRick, the spelling bee...RICKRelax, Morty.This place is known for their meat bags.You cant stop here and not get one. Remember, you have my word.MORTYOkay...INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNINGBeth sits on the couch watching TV.Summer plays a game on her phone.Jerry enters wearing a smock, rubber gloves and a bandana tied on his head and carries a feather duster.5.JERRYLets go party people, these tables arent going to dust themselves!Jerry lifts Beths legs off the table to dust under them.BETHJerry, its really not that bad. JERRYWe must be looking inside two different houses, Beth.Here, why dont you finish the dusting.Jerry hands Beth the duster.JERRY (CONTD)Summer, you go grab the broom and sweep out the fire place.SUMMERHm?JERRYGet the broom.Summer plays on her phone. JERRY (CONTD)Now, Summer!Summer stands up, still looking at her phone and doesnt move.JERRY (CONTD)Ill clean the TV.Jerry sprays the TV down and starts wiping.Beth watches from the couch.BETHJerry!Im watching that!JERRYWhen you should be cleaning!We can all relax when were done.Now come on gang!Summer types away on her phone.Beth slithers off the couch onto the floor.6.EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTERNOONRick and Morty exit the car in a packed parking lot.A meegull still screams in agony on the car. Species and races of all shapes and sizes walk towards a sleazy, tent city looking flea market.INT. FLEA MARKET - AFTERNOONRick and Morty walk through the flea market. Signs and products and foods hang everywhere.ALIEN VENDOR 1Tired of dumping out all of your vacuumed garbage?With my new patented Vacuum Eater, we turn your dust into dinner!Alien Vendor 1 holds up a hamburger made out of dust bunnies.Rick and Morty keep walking. They pass a booth with an Ewok signing autographs.MORTYWhoa, grandpa Rick.Is that an Ewok?RICKNo Morty, its the animal George Lucas based the Ewoks off of.Ever since the movie came out these guys think they can make money selling autographs.MORTYCan I get an autograph?Rick points to a sign reading Autographs with an unintelligible symbol for money. RICKFor that price?Youre better off getting one from an actor at a convention, Morty.Besides, wed just be fueling their crippling drug habit, and you know how I feel about those. They continue walking.Morty sees a booth with hanging crystals and approaches it. MORTYWhoa, what are these for?7.ALIEN VENDOR 2(whispers)Decorationssssssss.MORTYTheres no mystical power or nothing?ALIEN VENDOR 2Light goes innnnnn.Rainbows come outttttt.MORTYThats kinda cool...ALIEN VENDOR 2You wanna buy some shroomsssssss?MORTYUh...Rick!Morty runs back to join Rick.EXT. BACKYARD - AFTERNOONJerry kills the lawn mower, wipes sweat off his brow and admires his fresh cut grass.JERRYNow thats a mowed lawn.Hows the weed eating, girls?Summer and Beth are relaxed in lawn chairs.Beth drinks, Summer tans and texts. BETHWe ate them all.Jerry notices the garden is still overgrown with weeds.JERRYYou didnt eat a single one!You guys, Im not asking for much.Havent you heard many hands make light work?SUMMEROh yeah, Dad.You still have to take the Christmas lights down.8.JERRYWE still have to take the Christmas lights down.In fact, why dont you grab the ladder, Summer.SUMMERUgh!JERRYNow, Summer!Summer stands up from her chair, stares at her phone and doesnt move. INT. FLEA MARKET FOOD COURT - AFTERNOONRick and Morty sit at a table sucking meat from baggies.They are surrounded by bags of items theyve purchased.MORTYYou were right, Rick.They really do have, you know, anything you could want.RICKWhy do you ever doubt me, Morty?MORTYHey, so I guess we can head back so I can get to that spelling be now, huh?RICKNot so fast, Morty.Sure weve got a lot of really really great stuff, but we dont have the one thing we came for.MORTYAh Rick! Okay, but hurry up.I think weve spent enough time here.RICKOkay Morty, last stop.INT. FLEA MARKET - AFTERNOONRick and Morty stand outside a booth while holding all of their purchased items. An ALIEN stands behind the counter. 9.RICKGood afternoon, sir.Id like one bottle of your meegle removing wiper fluid.ALIEN(alien noises)RICKMigrating season, am I right?ALIEN(alien noises)Rick hands the alien a credit card to swipe.ALIEN (CONTD)(alien noises)RICKWhat do you mean funds not available?Ive been using the card all day.ALIEN(alien noises)RICKMhmm.ALIEN(alien noises)RICKRight...ALIEN(alien noises)RICKOkay...MORTYWhats he saying, Rick?RICKQuiet, Morty!ALIEN(alien noises)RICKWhat about Zop coins?10.ALIEN(alien noises)RICKYoure killing me here!What?And you call yourself a businesscreature?ALIEN(alien noises)RICKOkay, Morty.Lets go.MORTYBut what about the washer fluid?They start walkingRICKNot here, Morty.Apparently intergalactic credit cards have a limit and Ive reached mine.MORTYWhat are we gonna do?RICKRelax, Morty.That thing told me theres a place not too far from here that has all the washer fluid you could want...for free.MORTYOh god, Rick.Can we come back and get it another time?The spelling bee starts in two hours! RICKAnd have those dead meegles ruin my new paint job?I dont think so, Morty.We came all the way here, were not leaving without that washer fluid.MORTYFine, Rick.Lets just get this done already.11.EXT. ROOF - AFTERNOONJerry climbs up a ladder onto the roof.Summer andBeth are laying, relaxed among Santa and reindeer ornaments.Summer tans and texts, Beth drinks.JERRYReally, guys?BETHWere here, Jerry.What else do you want us to do?JERRYAnything, Beth.I just want you to help me out.Summer!You too!Summer stands up, still texting and doesnt move.Summer kicks the Santa ornament off the roof and lays back down.JERRY (CONTD)Its a start...SUMMERHow come Morty doesnt have to spring clean?JERRYIf I knew where Morty was right now, believe me hed be spring cleaning. BETHMaybe I shouldve gone with them... SUMMERMe too...JERRYWell you didnt.Now shut up and help me. EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTERNOONRick and Morty walk to their car dragging behind all their purchases.MORTYCant you just finish this without me?12.RICKNo, Morty.Dont try to pull a fast one on me. You made a promise to finish this when you agreed to help me.MORTYYou mean when you dragged me out of my bed?RICKWhatever, Morty.MORTYI just...Theres no way were gonna make it!RICKMorty...My word?MORTYAll right...Rick and Morty get in the car. Fly off.EXT. BACKYARD - AFTERNOONJerry rolls Christmas lights around his arm.Summer and Beth gather the Santa and reindeer.JERRYNot bad, gang.That really did make light work.SUMMERThis is terrible!BETHYes.Somebody please shoot me before spring comes again.JERRYCmon you guys.Now our whole house is clean and we did it together as a family.SUMMEROh god, I think Im gonna throw up.BETHGo lie down, sweetie.13.SUMMERI think Im going to.This is too much.JERRYToo much cleanliness?Well, I agree.INT. RICKS CAR - AFTERNOONRick drinks and drives while Morty flips through a dictionary and checks the time.MORTYHey Rick, test me, will ya?Morty passes the dictionary to Rick.Rick drives and flips pages simultaneously. RICKAlright uh, how about...Googledorph?MORTYGoogledorph?Thats not even a word!RICKHah! Dont say that in front of a Johovian.MORTYWhatever, Rick.Just forget it.Morty takes back the dictionary.RICKAw, dont be mad Morty.MORTYWhy shouldnt I be? You dragged me on another stupid trip that I didnt wanna go on.Ive been saying all day I dont have time for this.You dont listen to me, Rick!RICKSorry, Morty.You said I dont what?14.MORTYNevermind.Lets just get that stupid soap and get out of here.RICKIts not soap, Morty.Its a blood thinning liquid that breaks down the bones and proteins of meegulls while giving your windows a glossy shine.MORTYI dont care, Rick!I just wanna go home!Rick parks the car by a mountain. RICKAfter we get this. MORTYHere?Are we here?RICKWe park here.The liquid is up there.Rick points to the top of the very tall mountain. MORTYOh god...INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOONSummer, Beth and Jerry sit on the couch watching TV and playing on their phones. TV ANCHORThanks Tom.Right now Im standing outside Harry Herpson High School where the line is already starting for this years annual spelling bee.Beth and Jerry stop and look at each other and jump up from their seat.BETH AND JERRYMortys spelling bee!JERRYIts tonight!How could you forget?15.BETHHow could I forget?Jerry, youve had me in a cleaning frenzy all day.If anything, you made US forget. JERRYBy making us clean?BETHYes!JERRYFine.Next year I wont do anything and we can just be THAT family who has their Christmas stuff up in JUNE!SUMMEROh God, do we HAVE to go?BETH AND JERRYYes!EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAYRick and Morty hike up a mountain trail.Morty lags behind reading a dictionary and checking the time.MORTYHow much further?RICKJust a couple more turns, Morty.You see that cave up there, Morty?Huh?You see that cave?MORTYYeah I see it. RICKEverything we need lies right in that cave.MORTYThe spelling bee starts in twenty minutes.RICKLook, Morty, if I didnt trust that I could finish this in time, Wed be out of here Morty.16.(MORE)Wed be, wed be, at home going to that spelling bee.But were not.You know why?MORTYWhy?RICKBecause I have confidence, Morty.And so should you.They continue walking.INT. CAVE - DAYRick and Morty enter a pitch black cave.Rick pulls out a high tech flash light.RICKThe source should be around here somewhere.MORTYGrandpa Rick, I think I hear water coming from this direction.Rick shines his light and they head that direction.RICKNice ears, Morty.Now the closer we get, the more we should start to smell it.MORTYWhats it supposed to...Oh god.RICKCat pee, Morty.It smells just like cat pee.And were real closeA deep growl is heard.MORTYWhat was that?RICKProbably just the wind or something.Rick shines his light in the direction to reveal a gigantic fire breathing meegle.17.RICK (CONT'D)RICK (CONTD)Or that.Rick and Morty scream.INT. MASTER BEDROOM - DAYBeth and Jerry frantically get ready for the spelling bee.Jerry ties a tie, Beth puts on earrings.JERRYI cant believe we almost missed Mortys spelling bee.BETHReally, Jerry?JERRYI just thought he wouldve reminded us!BETHIts all hes been talking about for weeks.I cant take that stupid dictionary out of his hands.JERRYWell he couldve said SOMETHING.BETHSummer!You better be getting your shoes on.Were leaving!SUMMER(o.s.)Do I have to go?BETH AND JERRYYes!INT. CAVE - DAYA very large, very angry fire breathing meegull protects a reservoir. Rick and Morty duck behind a rock.Morty hugs his dictionary.MORTYRick!What the heck is that thing?RICKIts a meegull, Morty.A really, really big meegull.18.MORTYYou didnt tell me there was gonna be some huge monster guarding the fluid.RICKRelax, Morty.Hes big, but hes dumb.Theres seriously no way a meegull could hurt us.A wall of fire blows past Rick and Morty.MORTYRick!RICKOkay, this meegull could hurt us.But he wont!We can get out of this.Weve just got to think like a meegull.Quick Morty, whats everything you know about meegulls?MORTYI dont know anything about meegulls!RICKWell now youre going to learn something, Morty.A meegulls greatest weakness, is starch.MORTYStarch?RICKStarch, Morty.Or starch like things.Bread, potatoes.Anything soft and white, they go bonkers over. MORTYOh great!What, are we just supposed to go back to the flea market and buy some bread now?Theres no time!RICKQuick, wheres the roll that came with your meat bag?MORTYYou ate my roll, Rick!19.RICKI dont recall...Another wall of fire blows past.The meegull roars.MORTYHurry, Rick!RICKAll right, all right.Let me think...Rick looks around and notices Morty clenching his dictionary.RICK (CONTD)Thats it! Morty youre a genius.MORTYWhat?RICKYour dictionary!Rick snatches the dictionary from Morty, tears a page out and balls it up.MORTYHey!I need that to study!RICKJust watch, Morty.Rick throws the balled up page out in front of the meegull.The meegull pauses, approaches the ball and smells it. Then devours it and roars.MORTYI dont think thats good.RICKNo, its very good.He loves it.Quick, we need more dictionary pages.Rick and Morty start tearing apart the dictionary and throwing paper balls in front of the meegull to eat.They throw paper balls leading out of the cave until the meegull walks himself right off the side of the mountain.RICK (CONTD)I told you meegulls were dumb.MORTYWow...20.Rick goes to the reservoir to fill his bottle.Morty holds an empty hardback cover.With a full bottle of fluid, Rick stands up from the reservoir. RICKNow lets get you to the spelling bee.INT. JERRYS CAR - EVENINGJerry, Beth and Summer sit in the car in traffic.Jerry honks his horn.JERRYCome on, were going to be late!BETHWell honkings not going to get us there any faster.JERRYWell what kind of parents miss their kids spelling bee?SUMMERSmart ones?BETHEnough, Summer!SUMMER Im just saying!JERRYHes never going let us live this down.BETHWell if you hadnt forgot about it we wouldve been on time.JERRYOh, so now this is my fault, huh?If youll remember correctly, you didnt remember it either.BETHOkay Jerry, we both messed up, lets just drop it now.JERRYSo you admit it!21.SUMMEROh my God!Will you two just be quiet already?If this is going to be such a big deal maybe we just shouldnt go...BETH AND JERRYSummer!EXT. MOUNTAIN - EVENINGRick and Morty approach the parking lot on the mountain.The giant meegull lies dead steps away from the car.RICKOkay, Morty.Let me just put this in and well hit the road.Rick pops his hood, pours fluid in.He enters his car and hits the windshield wipers.Meeguls dissolve. MORTYWow, Rick.That really does do the job.RICKWhatd I tell you, Morty?Now get in, kid.Weve got a spelling bee to get to.Morty enters the carINT. RICKS CAR - EVENINGRick flies through planet Zeptron.RICKSo are you ready, Morty?MORTYI think so, Rick.I did a lot of studying today and I have confidence.Im ready.RICKIm sorry about your dictionary-thing.MORTYDont be, Rick.You always tell me I shouldnt read books anyway.22.(MORE)Besides, maybe the words have been inside me all along. RICKOh god, Morty.Thats the stupidest thing Ive ever heard! MORTYWell...Rick opens a portalRICKForget it, Morty.Hold your breath.They fly through the portal.INT. RICKS CAR - EARTHThe portal takes them back to Mortys house.MORTYRick!The spelling bee starts in three minutes.Im never gonna make it!RICKRelax, Morty.Ive got just the thing.Rick parks the car and they exit.INT. GARAGE - EVENINGRick pulls a portal gun off his shelf.RICKThis portal gun will take you to any domestic location in seconds.Are you ready, Morty?MORTYAs ready as Ill ever be.Rick shoots the gun and a portal opens.RICKAll right, Morty.Break a leg, or whatever.I dont care.23.MORTY (CONT'D)MORTYThanks grandpa Rick!Morty steps through the portal.INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENINGMR. GOLDENFOLD curates the spelling bee.Kids are seated on stage competing and the audience is packed.One kid is at the mic.KIDCoitus.C-O-I.T-U-S.Coitus. A bell dings.GOLDENFOLDThats correct!The audience applauds.A portal opens and Morty is hurled on stage.Everyone stares in shock.GOLDENFOLD (CONTD)Mortys here, everyone!The audience applauds.Morty finds a seat on stage.GOLDENFOLD (CONTD)And next up is...MORTY!Morty approaches the microphone with confidence. GOLDENFOLD (CONTD)Youre word, is kernel.MORTYKernel...kernel.Like popcorn kernel or army guy colonel?GOLDENFOLDLike KERNEL, Morty!Morty gets nervous.MORTYCan I have it in a sentence?GOLDENFOLDHe told the colonel there was a kernel stuck in his tooth.MORTYOkay...kernel...kernel...24.Rick appears in a vision.RICK(v.o.)Have confidence, Morty.(Belches)Morty stands up straight with confidenceMORTYKernal.C-O-L-O-N-E-L.Colonel.A loud buzzer goes off. GOLDENFOLDOh Im sorry, Morty.You lost!Thanks for trying!Morty hangs his head and walks off stage.Jerry and Beth kick open the doors at the back of the auditorium and enter with Summer trailing behind on her phone.MORTYMom!Dad!You made it!BETHOf course we did!JERRYWe wouldnt miss your spelling bee for the world.SUMMERWe almost did, though...BETH AND JERRYSummer!MORTYWell at least youre here now.JERRYOf course!No go out there and win that spelling bee.MORTYOh, Im actually done.BETHIts over already? 25.MORTYWell no, but Im done already.BETHYou didnt give up did you?MORTYNo!I lost.My word was colonel.Or kernel.Whatever, Im done.BETHOh Morty, dont worry about it.MORTYSo youre not disappointed?JERRYDisappointed?!Morty, Im just glad we showed up.It doesnt matter if you win or lose, as long as you tried and had confidenceBETHWhat do you know about confidence?JERRYNot now, Beth.BETHYoure fathers right, Morty. We still love you just the same.SUMMEROh my God, can we GO now!JERRYCome here.Bring it in, guys. The whole family hugs.JERRY (CONTD)Now who wants ice cream?!FAMILYYay!GOLDENFOLDWould you all get out?Were trying to have a spelling bee!Everyone in auditorium goes silent and stares at the family hugging.26.MORTYOh, yeah.Sorry mister Goldenfold.Everyone in the auditorium stops to wait until Morty and family exit the room.BLACKOUT27.