Leencoo Lataa: Lipstick on a Pig, Still a Pig By Beekaa Dhugaasaa

Leenco Attempts to Talk to Mr. Sebhat NegaLeenco: Hello

Secretary: Hello, His Honorable Sibhat Nega's office.

Leenco: Can I talk to His Honorable Mr. Sibhat Nega please?

Secretary: He is on a meeting. Who is this?

Leenco: I am Leenco Lataa

Secretary: Who is Leenco Lataa?

Leenco: OMG, you don't know Leenco Lataa? Do you know OLF?

Secretary: OLF the terrorist? Yeah I know OLF. And you are....?

Leenco: No, no, I am not a member of OLF anymore. I am not a terrorist anymore.

Secretary: Hmmm, okay, let me understand this. You were a terrorist. But you are not a terrorist anymore. Am I right?

Leenco: I was the second person in OLF, but that was long time ago. I swear to God I didn't kill anybody. Not even an insect. I never got in the OLF army at any moment in my life.

Secretary: Any way, His Honorable Mr. Sebhat is busy my dear. He cannot talk to anyone, let alone a terrorist.

Leenco: But I am not really a terrorist. May be a "former terrorist", that is it.

Secretary: Bye Mr. "former terrorist". I am also busy.

Leenco: No please. …. Don’t hang up on me!

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Secretary: You know what? If I were you, I would leave the country right away. Good bye.

Leenco Attempts to Talk to Prime Minister Hailemariam DessalegnLeenco: Hello

Secretary: Prime Minster HD's office, who am I talking to?

Leenco: My name is Leenco Lataa. Can I talk to His Honorable Hailemariam Dessalegn (HD) please?

Secretary: You can't just talk to HD, he is the Prime Minister!

Leenco: I know he is the PM, but I am Leenco Lataa.

Secretary: Who the heck is Leenco Lataa? Who do you think you are?

Leenco: Listen, I am not a terrorist. I am not a member of OLF anymore.

Secretary: OLF! OMG, I am talking to OLF? OMG!!!

Leenco: Please don't hang up. I need to talk to him. It is important.

Secretary: Why is it important?

Leenco: Because I am at Bole Airport.

Secretary: What? OMG! What are you doing at the Airport?

Leenco: They couldn’t let me into the country. I came to negotiate.

Secretary: Oh, thanks God! I thought OLF took over the Airport. If you wish to surrender, you don’t need the PM, just go to the nearest police station my dear.

Leenco: I need to talk to the PM please. I need to get into the country in the first place.

Secretary: Who said the PM is an airline’s security officer? Good bye.

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Leenco: Hey, please don't hang up on me. I am in trouble.

Secretary: You know what? If I were you, I would leave the country immediately. Good bye.

Leenco Talks to a Former TPLF MemberLeenco: Hello, is this my friend Tewolde?

Tewolde: Yes this is Tewolde, who is speaking?

Leenco: I am Leenco. We were friends 25 years ago, remember?

Tweolde: Leenco the OLF guy? Hey man! Long time, no see, what a surprise?

Leenco: I am not OLF anymore. I am now the President of ODF.

Tewolde: What the heck is ODF?

Leenco: You don't know ODF? It is "Oromo Democratic Front".

Tewolde: Never heard of ODF. But do you know about "lipstick on a pig"?

Leenco: No, I don't.

Tewolde: Well, is still a pig.

Leenco: Listen, I know what you think. But I swear, I am not OLF anymore.

Tewolde: Who cares if you are not OLF? What can I do for you now “Mr. ODF”?

Leenco: I was hoping you can facilitate negotiation with the government.

Tewolde: What are you talking about? I am not part of the government. I am not even a TPLF member anymore. They don't even like me. Where are you now?

Leenco: I am stuck here at Bole Airport. They couldn’t even let me in.

Tewolde: OMG, why did you come in the first place?

Leenco: To negotiate with the government.

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Tewolde: “Negotiate”? Are you crazy? Why would they “negotiate” with you? What do you offer them? Except more trouble, of course. There are already a lot of people in the country who give them trouble.

Leenco: I was negotiating with them already. I just wanted to continue from where we stopped.

Tewolde: Really? Who did you negotiate with? Where?

Leenco: I went to Washington DC and negotiated with the people in Embassy. I also talked to people in the Embassy in Norway. Many, many times.

Tewolde: Come on Leenco! You should know better. Anybody can go to the embassy and talk about anything, you call that a “negotiation”? I think you are out of your mind.

Leenco: I am serious; I even talked to the Honorable Ambassador himself in DC, twice. Also the Ambassador in Norway. Many times.

Tewolde: Did the Ambassador tell you to get into the country?

Leenco: No, but he didn’t tell me not to get into the country either. So, I took that as a positive sign and came with my team.

Tewolde: Oh, you also have a “team”? You know what? This thing is none of my business, but if I were you, I would just leave the country. Just a friendly advice. Good bye, my friend. I mean my former friend.

Leenco: No, don’t hang up please. I need your help.

Tewolde: What kind of help? I told you, I am not even a member of TPLF.

Leenco: Come on, Tewolde. It doesn’t matter whether or not you are a member of TPLF. You guys are all the same.

Tewolde: Oh, in that case, you are also the same OLF, right?

Leenco: No, no, no! I am not OLF anymore. I swear to God. Why don’t you believe me?

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Tewolde: Stop this double talk please. I already told you. Remember the “lipstick on a pig” analogy? You are “still a pig” my friend. Good bye.

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