And the results are….No drumroll please! Just a look at the test results….

Sheelagh Lucas SPED 232

There is no easy way to tell a parent their child is not

typical, may never be typical, that the child needs

assistance. But there is definitely a right way, and a wrong

way.

“I do not think he will ever be able

to talk.”

“He will probably never be in

regular classes with regular kids.”

“We never really know what is

going to happen…. But he is one of

the worst I have seen, lately.”

-SLP with ESU 16, who evaluated Alek

at 25 months

“If Alek were in a room with 100

little boys, his same age, and just

like him, he would be able to

communicate better than 2 of

them.”

“Remember, this is just a

standardized test, it does not tell

us anything, except he has some

work ahead of him.”

-SLP in a private therapy group, who

evaluated Alek at 26 months.

My little boy today…. Eating

cookies at a school field trip to the

fire station… surrounding by

classmates, his sister, and fifty

other children from area

preschools.

Our first prognosis was so grim, as a parent I

could not stop crying for two days. My heart

was broken, I felt devastated, and for the

next year and a half, I refused to work with

the local ESU. My family chose a different

route. As we prepared him for preschool, we

were forced to reevaluate the ESU, and

discovered a very different atmosphere. One

I am thankful for. One filled with SLPs, OTs,

and Preschool Teachers who are helping fulfill

my hopes and dreams for my son. The first

SLP who evaluated Alek no longer works in

the area.

Wording is EVERYTHING!

There is nothing harder to hear

than the test results that cement a

child’s life. These papers are more

than results, they are a tiny

window into the planning,

worrying, and work that will go

into the next few years. Or even

their lifetime.

But Autism verification or other

high level disability verifications

are not the only troublesome

diagnosis.

Learning your child has ADD is

also upsetting…

Two years after being approached by my

daughter’s kindergarten teacher, concerned

her “daydreaming” and lack of focus were a

bigger issue, we finally had Lisselle tested by

a local clinical psychologist. With a working

memory in the 40%, processing speed at 2%

and intellectual ability at 98%, Dr. Kimzey

was as surprised at Lisselle as we were. But

despite the fact that we had done

interventions for two years, prior to testing,

then already expected the diagnosis… the

confirmation was crushing. It opened up a

whole new world of questions and concerns.

The moral of this story? You are about to

change someone’s life. Treat this with the

respect and empathy it deserves.

A phone call to set up the meeting, or an

email or letter if calling does not work can

help get the ball rolling…. The phone call should be positive!

Even if the results are significant,

now is not the time to worry parents.

But make sure you set up a meeting

quickly… scheduling them too far

away causes the parent A LOT of

anxiety

Make sure you allot plenty of time

for the meeting, if there is a lot to

discuss, no one should feel pressured

to finish up, or that they will not

have a chance to discuss the

situation thoroughly.

Approaching the situation can be

tricky… how do we start?

“Tell me how you are feeling today?

“How has Alek been?”

“Is there anything you want to say

before we get started?”

Questions can be a great way to kick

start the conversation!

“I really enjoyed working with Alek!”

“During testing {insert cute anecdote

here} happened! It was so fun!”

“Alek has SO much personality!”

“I can not believe how well he

reads!”

A positive statement of the child goes a

long way! Casually acknowledging their

strengths is also a great way to help the

parents feel like you are “on their team”

Be friendly, helpful, supportive….This is what it

looks like to a parent at a meeting….

….sure they look friendly enough, but I know they have all been sitting around discussing my son, and my family, and his

home life, and now I see that one gave that one a look…. And what are they thinking?!?!

When it came time for results… keep the

tissues and empathy at hand!... But the kids?

That depends on the situation. Alek never attends the meetings.

There is not a need. He would be

a distraction to us and the staff…

Lisselle was present in the

psychologists office when he gave

us the evaluation. She was in the

room the entire time! At eight, we

and Dr. Kimzey felt as though she

should feel as included in the

discussion as possible, because it

included her. We are waiting for

her 504 plan meeting… she will

probably NOT be present at that

meeting.

I have a new rule… about

meeting everyone testing my

child before the testing begins…

With Aleksander, the school

psychologist came in to complete his

testing for an Autism verification. I

never had the opportunity to meet her

or talk to her before the testing.

Sitting across the table, I was VERY

conflicted by her presence. I needed

to feel like she was “on” my team. And

I did not. Since, I have requested to

make sure I have one face to face… HI!

The day of testing… this makes me feel

a lot more comfortable. I want to feel

like the person across the table sees my

son as more than a number, that she

sees US as a family.

How do I make them trust me? Why would

they NOT? I am the school official!

This trust is deeply rooted in the

need for a team feeling. I want to

feel as though every single person

in my son’s school is on his team. I

want to know he is getting the

BEST treatment, the BEST

compassion… I know how

frustrating his meltdowns are… but

I want the teacher to feel only

concern, caring, and determination

for him!

Take the time to make me feel as though you

cherish my child… not as though he/she is a burden!

Take the time to point out the great facts about my kid regularly.

“Lisselle is so focused during art”

“Lisselle is really at her best during art class! Her work is really amazing.”

“She was so funny is school today, a real joy!”

Before her diagnosis, and our subsequent decision to use medication for Lissellethere were many days she was a constant source of frustration for the teacher. Constant reminders of completing her work, stop twirling her hair, look at her paper, stop playing with the erasers…. The list goes on and on. But her teacher regularly listed Lisselle’sgreat strengths and features. It made me feel that although Lisselle was difficult at times, she was not a burden.

What if I don’t talk to the parents

regularly? I don’t always have time!

It takes 30 seconds to jot a note,

or send a text, send me an email…

anything.

Keep in touch about the good and

the bad…

Listen to the concerns the parents

have!

Take time… or try, try very hard!

I have a big family, remember my one child in your class… not my only concern in

life! If you can, remember to take two minutes to let me talk about ALL my

kids… it can be hard. I have been blessed with amazing teachers who have time

to discuss and talk with me. They work hard to build trust and care into our

relationship. I would not be nearly so happy if I did not have them.

I know it seems like a lot. But this is not an every day

occurrence. So do not feel like we need to discuss

everything every day. But I want to hear from the students

on good, and bad days!

Some families need more time and

commitment… try to figure them

out.

Ask about preferred methods of

communication

Ask about the other family

members.

Ask how mom and dad are doing…

Ask, ask, ask, ask… that builds a

foundation of caring, interest and

trust.