Sometimes circumstancesmake us feel like we arestanding on the edge of adark and bottomless

abyss of hopelessness. We pray,do all the things we know todo, have been told to do,trained to do (and then some)and nothing changes or thingsget worse.

Cliché Christian answers andthe insensitivities of cheap,canned theology of fellowChristians don’t help. Ratherthan identify with us in thedarkness of the mystery of ourcircumstances, people whosound like “Job’s comforters”heap guilt, shame,introspection, fear, and anxietyupon us with: “There must besin in your life” or “You justdon’t have enough faith,” orthis would not be happening toyou. Both are lies.

PRAYER TAKES COURAGE

Prayer is an activity that takes alot of courage.

Sometimes the essence ofprayer is trusting God so that itmay seem we are in voluntaryfreefall, descending into theabyss of our hopelessness. Wehave no sensory assurance ofanything other than darkness.We can’t stay on the edge anylonger, and what is in front of

do so, they discover that fearfulfreefall turns into flight whenGod puts his wind beneaththeir wings. Those who refuseto face the abyss of theirhopelessness can never knowthe experience of having free-fall turn to flight by God theHoly Spirit.

Ezekiel spoke of waters wherewe can no longer touch solid

Praying Into the Abyss of DespairStephen Crosby

us is nothing but darkness anddespair.

Those who choose to trustsomeone other than God turnfrom the precipice, give up onprayer and accommodate theirpresent reality. Those whobelieve will (in trust and faith)throw themselves, heart andsoul, into the abyss.

Once those who trust in God

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Faith is saying to the abyss:“This will not have dominionover me.”

10 CWRm

ground—waters so deep that wecannot control anything, evenour own survival. Those whoinsist on the security of theshoreline, where everything issafely neat, predictable,understandable, andmanageable, will never knowthe dynamic of the real prayerof faith.

Father God appreciates the“faith” of those who, in the faceof their impossibility and noanswers, throw themselves intoit anyway. It’scorny andclichéd, but heappreciates itin ways thatwe cannottruly fathom.

There is anintimacy withthe Father,and afraternitywith the Sonand a unity ofthe Spirit thatcan only besubjectivelyexperienced when wehave stared at thedarkness and thrownourselves in. It is whatJesus did at Calvary andin the grave, facing it,going there willingly. Untilresurrection morning, all isdarkness, and we can’t changereality by pretending there’s nodarkness. For the children ofIsrael, the last minute of the lasthour, of the last day of the 39thyear of wilderness wanderingslooked exactly like every daythat had preceded it—but then . . . resurrection dawn.

I get discouraged as much as

anyone, but somehow, if I mustfall, I have learned to fallforward, or more recently, “fallin.”

If you are struggling, or seemto have no strength—or if thethought of engaging in prayerexcites you as much as atoothache—don’t give up. Don’tlet a lack of results deter you.

Faith is more than gettingresults/answers. Faith is sayingto the abyss: “This will not havedominion over me, and if I

must perish, I will, but I willthrow myself and myhopelessness right intobelieving and trusting in God.”

In doing so, my only hopewill be God taking my freefalland turning it into flight whereit is his supernaturalresurrection life . . . or it isnothing.

The great mystery of freefallinto the abyss is discovering

that the buoyancy of faithdoesn’t have to be mine! WhenI am weak, the faith of others,who love me and with whom Iam in relationship, taken andanimated by the Spirit of God,becomes: the air beneath mywings! My only job is to jumpinto the abyss, trusting God. Mycontribution of faith is to admitthat I don’t have any!

Then, “in faith” I throwmyself in! This is overcomingprayer. This is overcoming faith.

This is faith thatstares death inthe eyes andprevails.

If God hasgiven mestrength, orfavor andprosperityrather thanadversity, it ismy moral dutyto my brothers,sisters, and theworld to enterinto theirsuffering and

impossibility, and sharemy faith when theyhave none. I sincerelypray that I will be ableto live the rest of mydays in this way. I pray

every day: “Lord, you have given me life

and strength and health, please,let my life amount tosomething today for yourpurposes in your saints. Maymy existence be more than thedelusions of American culturalpriorities of self-interest.” q

Stephen Crosby is director ofStephanos Ministries.www.swordofthekingdom.com.

The great mystery of freefall into theabyss is discovering that the buoyancy

of faith doesn’t have to be mine!