PP issue 6

europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine

issue 06SUMMER/

AUTUMN 2012£3.95

www.pink-parenting.comTWITTER # pinkparenting

The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: FINANCING YOUR FAMILY i COPING WITH COLIC i LITTLE DISH i WET & WILD WATER PARKS

06

WW

W.P

INK

-PA

REN

TING

.COM

PIN

K P

AR

ENTIN

G

ISSUE 06 WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

BRADFORD KOLB MDIFACOG FERTILITY MEDICINE

InfertIlIty I reproductIve endocrInology I fertIlIty

333 S. Arroyo Parkway 3rd FloorPasadena CA 91105626.440.9161 www.havingbabies.com

Medical Director

Managing Partner

When you’re ready to expand your family, we’re here to help. dr. Bradford Kolb and his caring, qualified team are the largest provider of fertility services in the u.S. for same-sex couples. dr. Kolb is the founding Medical director of the HArt program (HIv Assisted reproductive Medicine program); a program that offers safe reproductive options for men who are HIv positive.

Her fIrSt StepSStart with yours.

MentIonPInk ParentIngand receive a one hour

consult at no cost. you will also be credited $1,000 uS

dollars toward your first treatment cycle.

03W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 6

07 WE LOVE News, views, reviews, gifts, gadgets and gizmos.

12 Q&A WITH... SIMON BLAKESimon Blake, Chair of Diversity Role Modes, discusses how to tackle bullying in schools and what to do if your child is being bullied.

32 HAPPY FAMILIESWith twin boys, Hayley and Sara have their hands full, but couldn’t be happier. We hear their story of how finding a sperm donor meant achieving their lifelong dreams of having a family.

16 COVER STORY: PINK PARENTS ON TVWith TV being brought into your family home every day, we take a look at the role Television has taken on moving society’s perception forward with LGBT rights and equality.

21 COPING WITH COLICMegan Faure, our resident expert in child behaviour, delves into how to help you and your child deal with colic.

24 WET & WILD EURO WATER PARKSWith summer in full swing and not looking at ending anytime soon, a trip to a water park is a great excuse to get wet & wild with all the family.

48 FINANCING YOUR FAMILYFinancial advisor, Ronnie Barker shares great saving ideas that every family should consider.

32 SUNNY DELIGHTSWhether it’s a picnic in the park or a trip to the beach, Annabel Karmel has got it covered, with some of delicious yet simple family recipes.

41 BEHIND THE BRAND: LITTLE DISHWe catch up with Little Dish co founder, Hillary Graves, who tells all about her product and the importance of healthy eating.

44 LEGAL LOWDOWNLinzi Bull guides us through how best to deal and resolve parental conflicts.

47 YOUR LEGAL QUESTIONS ANSWEREDLaw firm Finers Stephens Innocent answer more of your parenting related legal questions.

48 ASK THE DOCTORDr. Lavy explains the steps that you can expect to take when considering gestational surrogacy.

SUMMER/AUTUMN 2012©

Cov

er im

age:

Bob

D’A

mic

o / A

BC

Healthy snackingfor kids from12 months on

Available from all major supermarkets

Hello I’m Annabel

Winnie the Pooh & I have searched the hundred acre wood to bring you these tasty & healthy snacks for those little ones with rumblies in their tumblies. The range is naturally yummy, contains no artificial colours or flavours & made using only the finest ingredients so your toddler will have lots of energy for fun filled adventures.

©D

isne

y©

Dis

ney.

Bas

ed o

n th

e ‘W

inni

e th

e Po

oh’

wor

ks b

y A

.A.M

ilne

and

E.H

.She

pard


Welcome to Pink ParentingWith the sun looking like it’s here to stay for a while, taking time out to enjoy the good weather is vital whether you have kids or not. The sun boosts levels of serotonin - the body’s natural happy hormone which in turn makes us feel happier and more energetic.

In this exciting issue of Pink Parenting, we discuss the impact TV has had on society by portraying LGBT characters on their mainstream channels, and we hear from Simon Blake, Chair of Di-versity Role Models, on homophobic bullying in schools and what can be done to prevent this. Megan Faure offers tips and tricks on how best to deal with colic, and Ronnie Barker provides some very important steps when planning for you and your family.

Finally Hillary Graves, co founder of Little Dish retells her story of how her company started, and her message she wants to tell all parents around the world.

With all this, and loads more, why not grab your sunglasses, relax in the sun and enjoy our magazine. Happy reading!

Team PP

Annabel KarmelAnnabel is the UK’s leading child nutritionist and best-selling author of books on feeding babies & children. Annabel was awarded an MBE in June 2006 for her outstanding work in the field of child nutrition.

Ronnie BarkerRonnie has been a financial adviser for over ten years, and set up his own practice, Barker Wealth in January 2010 with a view to building a client focussed practice that puts advice before products.

Dr.Gad LavyDr. Lavy is the medical director and founder of New England Fertility, and is an internationally recognised speaker and author on the topics of infertility, assisted reproductive technology, surrogacy and egg donation.

Megan FaureMegan is specialised in both sensory integration and neurodevelopment therapy, and treats babies with sensory integration difficulties, including extreme fussiness, poor sleep habits and feeding problems.

Caroline KellyCaroline is a member of the family law team at Finers Stephens Innocent. She specialises in all aspects of private family law, including international and domestic children law, residence, co-parenting, surrogacy and adoption.

Louisa GhevaertLouisa is a expert in fertility and parenting law. Her knowledge covers international and UK surrogacy, donor conception, co-parenting and embryo storage. She also regularly speaks at UK fertility sector events.

Group PublisherJeff Crockett

Managing EditorGiorgio Severi

Art EditorDamian Browning

ContributorsRonnie Barker, Linzi Bull, Megan Faure, Louisa Ghevaert, Annabel Karmel, Caroline Kelly, Dr. Gad Lavy

Business AdvisorPJ Mack

Interim Sales ManagerCarlo Mendez

Freelance SalesSusan Calatayud, Pier Minole

Accounts ManagerJennifer Bailey

Legal AdvisorSamuel & Davies

Client Liason OfficerConnie Wilson

Printed in the UK by The Magazine Printing Company using only paper from FSC/PEFC suppliers. www.magprint.co.uk

Advertising [email protected]

Contact details: Pink Parenting MagazineSuite 318, Building 50, Argyll Road, London SE18 6PPTel: 0843 2895844

www.pink-parenting.com

europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine

issue 06SUMMER/

AUTUMN 2012£3.95

www.pink-parenting.comTWITTER # pinkparenting

The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: FINANCING YOUR FAMILY i COPING WITH COLIC i LITTLE DISH i WET & WILD WATER PARKS

06

WW

W.P

INK

-PA

REN

TING

.COM

PIN

K P

AR

ENTIN

G

ISSUE 06 WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

SUBSCRIBEAND SAVE!!SUBSCRIBE TO PINK PARENTING MAGAZINE AND GET 6 ISSUESFOR JUST £18.95 WITH A GREATSAVING OF OVER 22%!!VISIT PINK-PARENTING.COM/SUBSCRIBE FOR DETAILS!

SUMMER/AUTUMN 2012

L i ves Crea ted Wor lds Changed

Growing Generations

Growing Generations

Growing Generations

Surrogacy & Egg Donation

baby 840

We Deliver. Family dreams since 1996.

www.growinggenerations.com


THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOSWE L♥VE

OCKY OLLY, SET UP BY MUM OF FOUR, MARILU WREN, AIMS TO CAPTURE THE imagination of parents as well as helping children learn and have fun through play and exploration while outdoors. The Smocka is a unique and practical modern take on the traditional smock top, but with a retro twist. Built for durability, the oversized kids play top, has a waterproof lined pocket made especially for little explorers to collect items on their journeys, like leaves, shells or conkers, and is made with a wind resistant fleece, so perfect for the great British outdoors.

www.ockyolly.com, from £35

I S S U E 0 6 – S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2 08 W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M


SOCIAL SNAPPING

MOMO THE MONKEY AND MUMBO THE ELEPHANT ARE FUN AND cheeky sleep training alarm clock’s that encourage children to get up AND go to bed, at a civilised hour - helping the whole household to get that well deserved sleep. These sleep clocks are great fun for kids learning a sleep routine, playing gentle jungle sounds to help your child wake up rested and bright eyed for the new day ahead.

www.cheekyrascals.co.uk, £30

CUTE CLOCKS

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

CUTE CLOCKS

W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M

EDITORS PICK of the

month

SAMSUNG’S TECHIE WIZARDS HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED ITS latest gadget, the MV900F - a flip-screen, multi-view, share friendly, smart camera. Featuring an innovative 180-degree multi-view display, making it really easy to capture and share images from any angle. The camera also benefits from Samsung’s unique Gesture Shot, which uses motion-sensing technology, you can zoom and snap a photo with simple hand motions from across the room. This capability is complemented by the addition of WiFi connectivity, which allows you to share family snaps and film and easily upload them to sites like Facebook and YouTube.

www.samsung.com/uk, £329.99


CUTE


CUTE CLOCKS

INSPIRED BY AN ADORATION FOR MILITARY UNIFORMS AND theatrical costume, the Brit designer, Pinky Laing crafts made-to-order drummer boy jackets with vintage buttons, epaulettes and trim for boys and girls. The best optional extra, however, is a battery-powered electroluminescent wire: sewn along seams and hems that glows in the dark for all to see.

www.pinkylaing.com

MINIMILITARIANSMILITARIANS

latest gadget, the MV900Ffriendly, smart camera. Featuring an innovative 180-degree multi-view display, making it really easy to capture and share images from any angle. The camera also benefits from Samsung’s unique

I S S U E 0 6 – S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2

technology, you can zoom and snap a photo with simple hand motions from across the room. This capability is complemented by the addition of WiFi connectivity, which allows you to share family snaps and film and easily upload them to sites like Facebook and YouTube.

www.samsung.com/uk, £329.99

SOCIAL SNAPPINGSAMSUNG’S TECHIE WIZARDS HAVE JUST ANNOUNCEDlatest gadget, the MV900Flatest gadget, the MV900Ffriendly, smart camera. Featuring an innovative 180-degree multi-view display, making it really easy to capture and share images from any angle. The camera also benefits from Samsung’s unique technology, you can zoom and snap a photo with simple hand motions from across the room. This capability is


SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COMTHE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOUR GIFT, GADGET OR GIZMO FEATURED IN OUR ‘WE LOVE’SECTION PLEASE CONTACT US [email protected]

Ever followed two women or two men walking with a pram, in the hope that they are another LGBT family living locally? No need to hone your stalker tendencies following the launch of the groundbreaking new website, www.MyAlternativeFamily.com: A social network, parenting connection service and information portal all rolled into one. A veritable one-stop-shop for LGBT families. And registration is free...bonus!

EATINGFOR TWO

PINK PARENTING FRIEND, CONTRIBUTOR and nutrition guru Annabel Karmel shares her food knowledge and experience to all expectant mothers with her first guide to eating during pregnancy. This 192-page hardback book includes 94 mouthwatering recipes, as well as advice on everything from the best foods to promote conception, through to ideas to avoid morning sickness, and the best nutrition to combat heartburn, and sleeplessness. This book is a must for any Mums-to-be, and ensures you are eating the best possible diet for you and your baby.

www.amazon.co.uk, £8.99

EASY TO RIDE AND BAGS OF FUN, THIS award-winning 3-in-1 bike for toddlers and pre-schoolers aged 1 to 5 utterly reorganises when and how a kid learns to ride. Designed by the genius Kiwi duo of Wishbone Design, the first step starts with three wheels, it teaches babies to walk and then coast with its lightweight, super-stable design. At age 2 or 3, it converts to a two-wheel, pedal-less bike and toddlers learn to balance. For ages 4 and 5, the frame is flipped, making the Wishbone one of the largest balance bikes on the market.

www.amazon.co.uk, from £180

TRIPLETROUBLE 1

2

3



PEPPA PIGBOXSET!!IF YOUR CHILD IS A FAN OF PEPPA PIG, THEN this 6 DVD set containing over 340 minutes of animated fun with Peppa, her family - Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig and little brother George and friends, will be right up their street. With Peppa and her friends getting involved in all sorts of adventures, playing games, visiting new places dressing up, and of course jumping in muddy puddles and snorting with laughter.

www.amazon.co.uk, £14.99

TAKING INSPIRATION FROM THE ICONIC Union Jack, iCandy have just released their delicious Cherry Special Edition. Benefiting from all the great features from their original Cherry version, this pushchair comes as a complete package for all parents, including a pushchair, a carrycot, a fab changing bag with the Union Jack motif, a parasol and much more, and if that’s not enough, it’s also Über sexy!

www.icandyuk.com

COOL BRITANNIA

CUDDLY COLICCOMFORTERCOLIC IN BABIES IS A RELATIVELY COMMON COMPLAINT AFFECTING UPTO 25% of all babies, and can be a truly nightmarish experience for both you and your baby. Warmth is a proven way to help and Ducky Duck is the perfect adorable cuddly toy for warming baby’s tummy to ease colicky discomfort. The soft and cuddly fleece comforter contains a removable seed bag which can be quickly warmed in a microwave for quick and effective relief. The seed bag can also be placed into the freezer and used as an ice-pack to aid kids bumps and bruises or remove the heat bag completely to transform Ducky Duck into a sweet and colourful hand puppet for your child.

www.simplygood.biz, from £65

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOSWE L♥WE L♥WE L VE

SEE PAGE 21 FOR OUR FEATURE ON ‘COPING WITH COLIC’

The Alternative Parenting Show is a one-stop shop, giving valuable information to same-sex couples, heterosexual couples and individuals on how to make the dream of having a family a reality. www.alternativeparenting.co.uk

SAT 15 SEPTEMBER 20129:30AM - 5.30PM

GRAND CONNAUGHT ROOMS

COVENT GARDEN, LONDON

iCandy peach

LONDONLIMITEDEDITION www.icandyworld.com

www.facebook.com/iCandyWorld

PinkParent_iCandy_Peach LE_Layout 1 23/08/2012 15:10 Page 1


Q&AWITH...

Recently appointed as Chair of anti-bullying charity, Diversity Role Models, Simon Blake has worked for over 15 years with children, specifically in sex education as CEO of sexual health charity Brook, here he chats about discrimination, parental responsibilities and what he would like to see change in schools.

Q. Right, straight to the point, are you currently in a relationship?

SB: Yes I am, Jonny and I met in a bar eight years ago, and four years later entered into a civil partnership, in the eyes of the law he is my partner, but to me, he is mywonderful husband.

Q. Are you thinking of having kids and becoming pink parents?

SB: As it happens, we are not thinking about having children at the moment. Jonny and I have talked a lot about this over the last 8 years and have decided that having kids wouldn’t be right for us. Both of our jobs involve a lot of time and energy and we

decided it would not be fair on the child. We do, however, have loads of friends and family who have children, so we spend a lot of time with them and feel that is enough for us, for the time being, but you never know!

Q. So what was your childhood like?

SB: To be fair, I was probably a bit of nerd, I loved reading and spending time with my horses. I grew up in Cornwall, and was always allowed out with the other kids to roam the countryside for hours on end, Swallows and Amazons style, and I really loved it. Literally, I would have my head in a book one minute and the next I would be out climbing trees and running about the fields. I have very happy memories from those times.

Q. Being the new Chair of an anti-bullying charity, what were your experiences of school?

SB: I was never actively bullied at school, but there were times when kids were mean to me. The reason why I say it wasn’t bullying was because it was never systematic, or always the same person doing it, so luckily it never affected me in any meaningful way. A lot of that was because I was a very confident kid, and I knew who I was, what I liked doing and what I was good at. I was also best friends with the most popular kid when I was in secondary school and even though I had people say “oh he’s gay” every now and again, my friend would fight back with “so what if he is, it doesn’t matter” and that would be the end of that.

Q. How did you get involved with the sexual health charity Brook?

SB: I started in the sexual health field while I was at University, working with HIV and its awareness, and really enjoyed it. From there I worked in a number of roles within different areas of sexual health. In 2006, I became CEO of Brook, which helps all young people be able to enjoy their sexuality without harm, or without force or duress. (Simon was awarded an OBE for services to young people and the voluntary sector in the Queen’s Birthday Honours list in 2011). This is why Brook and Diversity Role Models work so well together, it’s all about helping those who don’t know how to express their sexuality,

because it is perceived as second rate, or wrong, or something that can be only understood as an adult. That is why I am so happy to be involved with Diversity Role Models and what they do, as they are a specialist extension of what Brook is trying to do on a broader scale.

Q. So what can schools do to help educate kids deal with their issues?

SB: Schools normally deal with the topic of sexuality in two ways. Either they deal with it head on and thus humanising the subject, or they pretend that it doesn’t exist. Unless people get the opportunity to meet people who are gay, there is a chance to think of them as ‘others’ which is why Diversity Role

Models is so great. It literally is about going into schools and giving kids the opportunity to see that gay people are very normal, have good jobs, do the washing up, and can also have kids. Once the pupils have experienced this, any apprehensions or misguidance will be massively reduced.

Q. What do you think about TV and movies bringing diverse characters into the family living room?

SB: I think its genius. If you take any popular soap, like Waterloo Road, or Eastenders, you will always find something to do with betrayal, trust, love, sexuality, even coming back from the dead! Essentially, as a parent, you have this great opportunity to be able to talk about all these things in a very normal way and how these fictitious characters, straight and gay, fit into normal everyday life. It is also a positive step to introducing characters that kids might not normally meet in their everyday lives.

Q. What is the best way to deal with your child being bullied at school?

SB: First and foremost, I would hope that my child would feel comfortable talking openly and honestly with me. I would find out what was going on and why it was happening and what the ideal solution would be, I’d then work with my child and the school to resolve the problem. I would give the child as much power as possible to deal with the issues, but that might mean they would have to handle situations they don’t feel comfortable with. Sitting down and talking about why a child is being bullied is a really big ask, but it is your responsibility as a parent to navigate your way through, letting the child know that they are loved and supported no matter what.

Q. What is your ultimate goal you would like to achieve in the future?

SB: I want children to grow up safe and happy with who they are, and are liked for who they are, in and out of school. It is so important that kids experience the pleasures of being a child or adolescent before they feel time has been lost due to bullying or hiding their sexuality. The ultimate goal is to allow kids to enjoy being young and to explore and understand their own sexuality without fear of persecution. If we can get young people to the point of being confident in who they are, and allow them to make their own choices, it can only lead to much happier lives and a more harmonious society in general.

Diversity Role Models actively seeks to prevent homophobic bullying in UK schools, by edu-cating all young people about differences in sexuality and gender identity. For more info please visit www.diversityrolemodels.org

I WANT CHILDREN TO GROW UP SAFE AND HAPPY WITH WHO THEY ARE, AND ARE LIKED FOR WHO THEY ARE, IN AND OUT OF SCHOOL. IT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT KIDS EXPERIENCE THE PLEASURES OF BEING A CHILD OR ADOLESCENT BEFORE THEY FEEL TIME HAS BEEN LOST DUE TO BULLYING OR HIDING THEIR SEXUALITY.



REAL LIFESTORIES

Four years ago, Sara and Hayley wanted children but had no idea where to go to achieve their dream. Fast forward to the present day and they couldn’t be happier having given birth to twins Jack and Ben via a sperm donor. We hear from the Sara about the couple’s path to parenthood and their ultimate dream coming true.

Ever since we got together in 2008 Hayley and I talked about having a family, we have both always wanted children, but as a gay couple we had no idea how to do it, or even if it was possible. I remember

Hayley saying that we should wait until we were more financially secure. Of course, me being me, I stomped off, angry that I was not getting my own way and left her talking with my mother.

Literally an hour after having told me that she thought we should wait, she sent me a text saying “I think we should do it” so I sent a message back saying “do what?” to which she replied “HAVE A BABY!”

So, full of enthusiasm, we set about trying to start our very own family, but how and where should we go for help? With no sperm, there was not going to be any baby. Our first port of call was with our local GP who basically slammed the door shut in our faces, being advised that there was nothing they could do to help us. We weren’t actually looking for hand-outs on the NHS, we just wanted to be pointed in the right direction, but they were really unhelpful.

This was not the news we were expecting, only serving to reinforce our fears that maybe gay couples couldn’t have children. We went back home, and I had my mother ask some of her friends what we should do next, one of them asked if we had searched Pink Parenting on the web. We couldn’t believe our luck, there were some great resources available, and luckily we stumbled across the ‘Herts & Essex Fertility’ website, which is where our journey began.

STARTING A FAMILYWe really felt that we had nothing to lose, so gave the clinic a call and made an appointment. I felt really worried, especially after our encounter with our GP, and not knowing how they would react, or if they would accept same-sex patients, but they were absolutely fantastic, treating us the same as any other couple looking for a sperm donor, and they were so willing to help us achieve our dreams of becoming parents.

So in October of 2010, we got to work straight away. There were a few blood tests needed and the Clinic also offered us a counselling session to make sure that we were ready to be parents, and also if we understood what it really meant to have a child with a sperm donor. Hayley chose the donor from a list of choices including height, eye colour and build. As there were no pictures to go by, we went more on height as we are both quite small and we wanted to have tall kids!

Thankfully, we passed all the tests with flying colours, and while retrieving my eggs, we decided

that I would share my eggs with someone else who wanted a family just like us. We needed a donor to help us get pregnant, so we thought that the least we could do is give that same chance to someone else”.

I fell pregnant almost straight away, but unfortunately I miscarried. It was such bad timing, just before Christmas and it was very sad, but we didn’t give up. We pulled together as a couple reminding ourselves all the time of why we were on this path.

TRYING AGAINIt wasn’t until February of 2011 that we felt that we were ready to give it another go using the same donor as our previous attempt. We went back to the Herts & Essex Clinic who were once again fantastic. This time we made sure we were more prepared for the outcome.

Even so, we couldn’t wait to do the tests 9 days after the procedure. Unable to sleep, we stayed up till 5 am just so that we could take a pregnancy test which came back as positive. We were so tired and happy at the same time; we just collapsed into each other’s arms!!”.

We found out pretty early on in my pregnancy that we were expecting twins. It was amazing and so unexpected. We were so happy, one healthy child would have been great, but to have twins on the horizon was fantastic, and seeing their hearts beating on the monitor just really brought it home that we were going to finally be parents, to not one child but to twins!!”.

EXPECTING TWINSNine months later we had our little bundles of joy, our gorgeous boys Jack and Ben, who are giving us lots of sleepless nights and running us ragged. They are 8 months old now and to be fair, they have been great, just that they never want to sleep. They always want to be up and playing all the time!

Would we want more children? Who knows, we like the idea of having another child, but right now we have our hands full with the twins.

We know and understand, that when our boys are eighteen, they can go and find out the identity of their father, but we really hope that we will be able to offer enough love and affection from us and our families that they won’t need to, but again we understand that it is a very personal journey and we would fully support them no matter what.

Herts & Essex Fertility Centre welcome same sex couples and provide tailored fertility services to all pink parents. www.hertsandessexfertility.com

15W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M

unfortunately I miscarried. It was such bad timing, just before Christmas and it was very sad, but we didn’t give up. We pulled together as a couple reminding ourselves all the time of why

It wasn’t until February of 2011 that we felt that we were ready to give it another go using the same donor as our previous attempt. We went back to the Herts & Essex Clinic who were once again fantastic. This time we made sure

It wasn’t until February of 2011 that we felt that we were ready to give it another go using the same donor as our previous attempt. We went

Nine months later we had our little bundles of joy, our gorgeous boys Jack and Ben, who are giving us lots of sleepless nights and running us ragged. They are 8 months old now and to be fair, they have been great, just that they never want to sleep. They always want to be up and

Would we want more children? Who knows, we like the idea of having another child, but right

Would we want more children? Who knows,

We know and understand, that when our boys are eighteen, they can go and find out the identity of their father, but we really hope that we will be able to offer enough love and

Would we want more children? Who knows, we like the idea of having another child, but right

S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 6


PINK PARENTING ON TELEVISION WORDS_ LOUISA GHEVAERT

In the wake of the new US TV series, The New Normal, with its plot revolving around a gay couple and surrogacy, we explore how television has played a key role in promoting lesbian and gay relationships over the last thirty years. However, its role as an engine of social change has had its fair share of highs and lows along the way.


WHY IS TV SO IMPORTANT?Television is an important cultural resource, which develops people’s awareness and understanding of many different issues, including sexuality. Television is a powerful visual medi-um which captures public imagination and commands massive numbers of viewers. At its most memorable, it runs explosive programmes and storylines that challenge people’s perceptions and understanding of themselves, others and the world around them. At its worst, it can be implausible and inane.

TV COVERAGE OF LESBIAN AND GAY RELATIONSHIPSThirty years ago, lesbian representation on TV was virtually non existent. Gay men were usually camp stereotypes and stories of coming out were always male. Gay-orientated TV content was relatively rare on prime time pre-watershed TV up until the mid 1980s.

It was British soaps like Brookside and EastEnders that really grasped the nettle and began to represent hard-hitting and dramatic storylines about lesbian and gay relationships. These soaps appealed to both gay and straight audiences across Britain and they captured media attention and generated mainstream press headlines and coverage.

Channel 4’s Brookside was the first UK televised soap to portray a gay man on TV. However, it was EastEnders that portrayed the first openly gay man on a prime time pre-watershed BBC programme. The BBC, funded by British TV licences, commanded a significantly larger slice of TV audiences than the privately funded Channel 4 and this had a far greater impact upon the British public and caused considerable media controversy at the time.

EASTENDERS’ LEGACYIn August 1986, EastEnders introduced Colin Russell, a middle-class graphic designer played by actor Michael Cashman. He was the soap’s first gay character and his gay relationship with Barry Clark proved to be a controversial storyline the following year. Michael Cashman, who was himself from the East End, went on to become a co-founder of influential gay rights organization Stonewall and he was elected to the European Parliament in 1999, where he subsequently became a spokesman on human rights.

In 1987, EastEnders became the UK’s first TV soap to screen a gay kiss. Although it only represented a small kiss by Colin on Barry’s forehead, it caused public outrage and a record number of complaints. The British press reacted angrily and dubbed the soap ‘Eastbenders’ for a while and questions were raised in parliament about the show’s gay-orientated content during a prime time family viewing TV slot.

Despite the controversy, Colin and Barry’s storyline was considered a breakthrough. It represented the gay community on prime time television and their kiss attracted an audience of 17 million viewers. As their relationship and storyline developed, it was followed closely by millions of viewers across Britain and it was used as a vehicle to highlight other gay issues

including homophobia and inequality in the law (since in 1987 the legal age of consent was 21 and not 16 as it stands today). Their gay relationship was portrayed with care and it proved to be a turning point on TV.

EastEnders continued to push boundaries on TV and in 1988, Colin formed a new relationship with a work colleague called Guido. The BBC developed Colin’s new relationship with determination and in January 1989, Colin and Guido portrayed the first gay mouth-to-mouth kiss on British TV. The episode featuring their kiss attracted an audience of 20 million viewers across Britain and angry front page coverage amongst right wing press, fuelled by Conservative politics of the time which called for a return to traditional family values.

Since then, EastEnders has continued its determined promotion of gay relationships and issues through subsequent characters like Ben Mitchell. In 2011, EastEnders sparked further uproar and controversy when it aired a gay bedroom scene pre-watershed between characters Christian Clarke and Syed Masood and portrayed their desire to start a family together and become parents.

One viewer praised the BBC arguing that the gay bed scene was a ‘big step towards equality’ and another said ‘it makes a refreshing change to see a positive portrayal of a gay couple on prime time TV and I applaud everyone for making this storyline such a powerful, moving and compelling one”. However, other viewers were wholly unsupportive and argued that the scenes should not have been aired pre-watershed.

Despite complaints from the public, the BBC stood firm in its stance saying that it portrayed gay relationships in exactly the same way as it did heterosexual ones and that the bedroom scene was suitable for pre-watershed TV viewing. It went on to say that it ‘did not discriminate by treating gay characters differently to others in the programme’. This is a world apart from the delicate line that the BBC walked in the 1980s when it first sought to represent gay relationships and issues on TV and in doing so had to navigate the considerable public sensitivity of the time.

BROOKSIDE AND ‘THE KISS’British TV soap Brookside, set in Liverpool, built on EastEnders’ early legacy of gay representation on TV. Brookside ran from 1982 to 2003 and was at its peak during the 1980s and early to mid 1990s. It enjoyed mass appeal as a programme and from 1990 (when average viewer numbers reached 7 million) programmes increased from two to three a week with a weekend omnibus.

Brookside was instrumental in bringing about social change in its representation of a lesbian relationship between characters Beth Jordache and Margaret Clemence in 1993 and 1994. Up until then, British TV had largely steered clear of lesbian storylines, believing them to be difficult to portray and something that uncomfortably challenged traditional portrayals of female relationships. Brookside broadcast the first pre-watershed »

S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 6


lesbian kiss on British TV on Christmas Eve 1993. The storyline quietly built up for a while between characters Beth and Margaret and came to a head on when Beth attempted to kiss Margaret and told her she loved her. Interestingly, the storyline’s message took a while to become mainstream and it was not until the couple actually kissed a few weeks later that it received press and media coverage and recognition on a national scale.

One of the programme’s producers, Mal Young, explained that the show’s lesbian storyline needed careful scripting and acting so that it was clear and understandable to straight audiences, given the lack of lesbian representation on TV at the time. There was a distinct lack of lesbian role models and it was a challenge to portray a positive image of a lesbian and to subsequently positively reinforce this in popular TV culture. The storyline’s success was partly attributed to strong and engaging acting by actress Anna Friel who played Beth. However,

the kiss was axed from the Saturday omnibus which aired at 5pm as it was felt unsuitable for ‘family audiences’ and it stretched the boundaries of mainstream TV coverage at the time.

HAS TV MADE SAME-SEX PARENTING MORE ACCEPTABLE?It is clear that TV, and particularly British soaps, have been a powerful medium for the representation of gay and lesbian relationships in Britain. There has been a fundamental sea-change over the last thirty years and there is now far greater equality in the representation of straight, gay and lesbian relationships on British TV than ever before.

That said, the portrayal of same-sex parenting on British TV lags behind TV shows in The US. Over the last two decades, many US TV programmes have portrayed same-sex parenting with shows like Will & Grace, Friends, Gossip Girl and Dawson Creek.

More recently, ABC’s Modern Family has brought the idea of same-sex parenting to the forefront with it’s hilarious comedy of an extended family involving a gay couple, Mitchell and Cameron, who adopt a Vietnamese baby girl called Lily. Modern Family has received numerous positive reviews from critics and has gone on to win an Emmy, and a Golden Globe award for best TV series in 2012.

And not to be out-done, US TV giant NBC are to screen a new comedy from Nip/Tuck and Glee creator Ryan Murphy, The New

PINK PARENTING ON TELEVISION

THE PORTRAYAL OF SAME-SEX PARENTING ON BRITISH TV LAGSBEHIND TV SHOWS IN THE US. OVER THE LAST TWO DECADES, MANY US TV PROGRAMMES HAVE HAVE PORTRAYED SAME-SEX PORTRAYED SAME-SEX PARENTING WITH SHOWS LIKE WILL & GRACE, FRIENDS, MODERN FAMILY AND NOW NBC’S THE NEW NORMAL.

Emmy and Golden Globe winning show ‘Modern Family’ features gay couple Mitchell and Cameron

who adopt a Vietnamese baby girl called Lily.

NBC’s ‘The New Normal’ follows a mother who serves as a surrogate for a Los Angeles-based gay couple.

»

© T

he N

ew N

orm

al: R

ober

t Tra

chte

nber

g / N

BC©

Mod

ern

Fam

ily: B

ob D

’Am

ico

/ ABC

Normal, follows Goldie, a waitress and single mum looking to escape her dead-end life, she is desperate and broke - but also fertile, perfect for LA gay couple, Bryan and David, with successful careers and a loving partnership, there is one thing that is missing: a baby. Goldie quickly becomes the guys’ surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams. At the time of going to print The New Normal had been banned by Utah’s KSL-TV station and “doesn’t want anything to do with it during ‘family viewing-time.’” So watch this space!

Here in Britain, the numbers of same-sex parents and modern family structures formed through donor conception, co-parenting arrangements and surrogacy are increasing year on year. Changes to the law in recent years, together with the rapid and enthusiastic take-up of IVF and surrogacy in Britain over the last ten years, has changed the shape and character of British families forever. However, same-sex parenting in Britain can be a challenging exercise, not only in terms of conception arrangements but also from a legal perspective and it still remains a sensitive subject in terms of TV representation.

Despite legal changes in Britain over the last ten years which enable same-sex adoption of children, same-sex couples’ eligibility for a parental order following surrogacy and the scrapping of the legal requirement for UK fertility clinics to consider the child’s need ‘for a father’ and its replacement with the concept of a child’s need ‘for supportive parenting’, the law has failed to fully keep pace with the demands of same-sex parenting and alternative family structures. The law in Britain is still often a poor fit, representing outdated social and ethical views from over two decades ago and this can lead to all sorts of legal problems, which most of the time are not represented on mainstream TV. Awareness of the need for specialist legal advice and support to navigate some of the remaining legal pitfalls associated with same-sex parenting and alternative family structures is still not intuitive and this can create all manner of difficulties in practice. Strong TV representation of these legal and practical issues in future would be a powerful education tool and an engine for further social change.

All in all, although there has been a great deal of progress in the recognition of gay and lesbian rela-tionships and family building in Britain, there is still considerable room for improvement. Gay and lesbian representation on British TV can undoubtedly continue to take a strong lead role in bringing about further change in Britain and in particular, greater acceptance of same-sex parenting and alternative family structures. In short, the power of TV should never be underesti-mated and this is real food for thought.

Louisa Ghevaert is a leading expert in UK fertility, parenting and family law and a passionate supporter of parents, children and families. She is a partner with Porter Dodson Solicitors & Advisors.


OUR FIVE FAVOURITE PINK PARENTING FAMILIES ON TV

WILL & VINCE / WILL & GRACE In the final season of the ground breaking NBC series, Will Truman is reunited with the ‘love of his life’, Vince D’Angelo, and they agree to have a son together through artificial insemination. Ben, their son, only appears in the series finale in 2006, having been raised by Will and Vince until he leaves for

college where he meets Grace’s daughter, Lila, falls in love and marries her, reuniting the much loved couple, Will and Grace, once again.

ROSS, CAROL & SUSAN / FRIENDS In season one Ross Geller divorces his pregnant wife of three years, Carol, when she reveals that she is a lesbian and is having an affair with Susan Bunch, whom she met at the gym. After initial post-relationship complications Ross and Carol were able to get along, and shared custody of their son, Ben. Ross even reconcilied with Susan, after Phoebe made them realise that they could all be parents to Carol and Ross’ son.

MITCHELL & CAMERON / MODERN FAMILYABC’s hit show, Modern Family, has successfully managed to address the topic of international and gay adoption, with very effective humour. Long term gay partners, Mitchell Pritchett and Cameron Tucker, are first introduced to the viewers while on a plane returning back from Vietnam after having

adopted a little girl called Lily. The comedy continually pushes and explores the trials and tribulations of being pink parents.

CHRISTIAN & SYED / EASTENDERS In true EastEnders style, Christian and Syed have certainly had their ups and downs. From battling with Muslim/Gay beliefs, to gaining custody of Syed’s daughter Jasmine, the couple only need now to get married. The couple have also expressed a desire to have a another child and even had an offer from boozy friend Roxy to be their surrogate. The on-screen duo are so well liked that a Facebook page has been set up for all ‘Chryed’ fans around the world.

SEAN & MARCUS / CORONATION STREET Corrie’s gay couple, Sean Tully and Marcus Dent bring up Sean’s toddler Dylan after his mother Violet asks them to take care of him. Sean helped Violet conceive in 2008 when she and boyfriend Jamie had fertility issues. Dylan’s arrival cemented the couple’s previously rocky relationship and

made them the Street’s first gay parents, allowing Sean to finally have the chance to become a ‘hands on dad’ with his son.

A Caring Approach to Egg Donation

Physician-recommended Beverly Hills Egg Donation continues to be one of the most highly regarded egg donor agencies in the industry.

Our “one agency fee until you’re pregnant policy“, in-person donor screenings and weekly cycle updates have made us one of the most successful egg donation agencies in the world.

Professionals providing personal care to clients – worldwide

To learn more, visit www.bhed.com or call us at US (310) 601-3132.

All ethnicities Well screened donors

Doctor recommended

Specialized assistancefor international clients


WORDS_ MEGAN FAURE

So you’ve brought your newborn home and for weeks all you do is go gaga over your gorgeous baby who does little more than sleep, eat, poop, and cry once in a while.

Then one evening, out of the blue, he erupts with ear-shattering wails, complete with clenched fists and angry red face. No matter

what you try or do, nothing will comfort your crying baby. But that’s not all, he manages to repeat this performance every night at the same time for what seems like forever... Welcome to the world of colic.

WHAT IS COLIC?When an otherwise healthy young baby (under 3 months of age) cries a great deal, he is said to have colic. While there are various defining criteria it is generally accepted that if a healthy baby cries more than three hours a day, more than three days in a week over more than a three-week period (Wessel’s rule of 3’s) he has colic.

Because babies who have colic generally pull up their legs and appear uncomfortable even after a feed, it has been thought that colic was caused by abdominal or tummy discomfort. This theory however could not explain why colic classically happens in the evening and why it disappears by three months of age in 90% of babies.

WHY DO BABIES GET COLIC?Recent research indicates that colic is in all probability not due to an immature digestive system as has been previously thought but rather due to immaturity of the baby’s brain. Newborn baby’s brains are

Understanding how your baby ticks is an exciting challenge for any new parent, but throw in inconsolable screaming tantrums, and it all becomes a whole different ball game.

Megan Faure, co-author of the Babysense Secret and expert in child behaviour, takes time out to explain all there is to know about colic and how to deal with it.

COPINGWITH COLIC

»


very sensitive to all the sensory input in their environments. By late afternoon their brains reach a threshold level where they literally cannot deal with any more stimulation. So the smallest input, such as winds in their tummies or even that last feed of the day is sufficient to push them into sensory overload. And this results in crying.

Each baby can tolerate different amount of stimulation. Some babies can cope with more stimulation than others without fussing. Other babies are more ‘high needs’ and become over stimulated very quickly. These are the babies who are more susceptible to colic and whose colic lasts longer and is more severe. HOW TO LIMIT THE CRYING?Most young babies cry to a greater or lesser extent in the early evening but it is how we handle the baby that determines whether the crying will last for 15 minutes or stretch into three-hour colic.

It is only natural that you will become somewhat anxious, anticipating a ‘monster’ crying spell. A lot of new parents will try to find the elusive ‘wind’ by patting and bouncing him, hoping that once the wind is gone it will stop the crying. Others might not be able to leave their baby to cry in the cot, so will take their baby with them into the TV room so he is with people. Other methods are singing, talking, offering another feed, nappy changing and so on until eventually, three hours later, the exhausted baby plunges into a fretful sleep.

It’s not that any of these are wrong strategies. In fact each of these holds merit if the timing is appropriate. But at this time when your baby is over stimulated; a barrage of attempts to calm him are likely to contribute to over-stimulation and exacerbate the colic spell.

To limit your baby’s crying and prevent it from turning into a colic episode, you can try the following strategies:

• In the first three months, limit daytime stimulation. Just being alive is exciting enough and most babies do not need too much stimulation to enhance development.

• Have a flexible daytime sleep routine. Under three months of age your baby should only be awake for an hour to an hour and half between sleeps. By making sure your baby sleeps regularly, you will prevent him from becoming over stimulated by giving his brain time to recover and process what he has ‘learnt’ from the world.

• Watch for signs of overstimulation during the day and in the evening, such as irritability, squirming, arching, frowning, yawning, hiccups and blueness around the mouth. When you notice these signs, remove your baby from the stimulating area and use calming strategies.

• Use sensory calming strategies such as;• Swaddling• Rocking your baby or putting him in a sling or pouch• Just putting him down to sleep• Sticking to 1 calming strategy for 5 minutes

WHEN WILL COLIC ABATE? Colic usually starts at two weeks and peaks at six weeks. By 12 weeks your baby will be better able to deal with sensory stimulation and colic will cease around this time. As hard, and distressing, as this can be for parents, rest assured - it will pass. Before you know it, you will be back to going gaga over your smiling little cutie and you will be reminded why it was all worth it in the first place.

Megan Faure is co-author of the Babysense Secret, available to purchase from www.hippychick.com, £12.99. Megan specializes in infant work and has a practice in Cape Town where she treats fussy babies and those with sleep problems. www.babysense.com

BABYSENSE SECRET

»

SOME BABIES CAN COPE WITH MORE STIMULATION THAN OTHERS WITHOUT FUSSING. OTHER BABIES ARE MORE ‘HIGH NEEDS’ AND BECOME OVER STIMULATED VERY QUICKLY.


Visiting a water park can be one of the highlights of a summer holiday. Much more elaborate than a simple swimming pool, most parks offer a variety of attractions, including slides, wave pools, lazy rivers and even water play areas for the little ones. We have found some great water parks around Europe, just to whet your appetite.

PACKYOUR BAGS


WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI

»

CANEVAWORLD, ITALY The Aqua Paradise in Canevaworld is the most popular water park in Northern Italy. Situated in the town of Lazise just off the shores of Lake Garda, the park offers a wide choice of water slides, lagoons and lots of family friendly attractions. Among the most adrenaline pumping rides are the double Black Hole that runs completely underground, as you hurtle through on a rubber tyre, and the frightening Stukas which hosts a slide that is almost perpendicular to the ground - guaranteed to be steep enough to scare even the bravest of thrill seekers. There are also five heated pools, including a tidal wave pool, a kiddie’s play area, and lots of bars and restaurants to choose from when the family gets hungry.

www.canevaworld.it

SOMMARLAND, SWEDEN This great modern amusement park is a top family attraction for all water lovers. With over 4 million gallons of water, it’s is a real paradise for children and adults. There are a huge range of attractions including three heated pools, four water chutes, an eighty metre water slide and a three hundred metre waterfall. While drying off from the pool, why not have a go on the bungee trampolines or climbing wall, and there are loads of places you can buy hot food, drinks and snacks. The amusement park is situated in a lovely lakeside location, about two kilometres north of Leksand town centre.

www.sommarland.se/english

I S S U E 0 6 – S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2 26 w w w . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M

PACK YOUR BAGS

AquALEon,CostADorADAThe Aqualeon water park, located in the sunny Costa Dorada is a huge water park with loads of scary water slides, a tidal wave pool and lots more water activities that will guarantee you get soaked. In June 2012 an especially designed area for small children was opened offering a world of colour and all new adventure in a completely safe environment. The water Park also offers its guests a nearly 125 acres large safari park where lions, zebras and other wild animals roam and into which you can drive with a safari bus.

www.aqualeon.es

ALtontoWErs WAtErPArK,uKHaving attracted over 2.6 million visitors worldwide in 2011, Alton Towers in Staffordshire, is the most visited theme park in the UK and 9th most visited in Europe. Based in the grounds of Alton Towers, a semi-ruined gothic revival country house. The tropical water park is a heated oasis that boasts hundreds of fantastic interactive water features, from lazy rivers and crazy cannons to the sensational speed of the Master Blaster water rollercoaster that will have you screaming in seconds. This Caribbean style lagoon offers gallons of excitement and adrenalin pumping water thrills for kids of all ages, and is open all year round.

www.altontowers.com/waterpark

LivuAquAPArK,LAtviASituated in the historical resort town of Jurmala, about 25 km from Riga, the Livu Aqua Park is the biggest covered multi-functional water park in Eastern Europe. Providing thrill seekers with numerous water activities and an additional open-air area in summer. Offering more than 40 different attractions, children’s pools, saunas, bistros and bars, perfect for the whole family to enjoy. Water labyrinths of towering heights and variations, under water tunnels, splashing devices and spiralling water slides are all included to entice and excite. Why not take advan-tage of the on-site professional photographer who will snap a picture to take home and keep as a memory of a great family adventure.

www.akvaparks.lv/en


PACKYOUR BAGS

ADALAND AQUAPARK, TURKEYADALAND AQUAPARK, TURKEYADALAND AQUAPARK,

Adaland is the one coolest hotspot in Kusadasi, featuring over 20 water drenching water rides for all the family to enjoy, built over a sprawling 25 acres of splashing fun, where you can experience the fastest and wildest waterslides. The park also has a large restaurant offering food and drink to suit all tastes. So whether you take a thrill-ing plunge down a water slide, or simply float on the lazy river soaking up the sun, this water park promises a full day of fun for all involved.

www.adaland.com

AQUALAND, FRANCELocated on the French Riviera, the Aqualand in Fréjus is one not to be missed. There are over 20 rides to thrill and excite you including their latest addition, the King Cobra – a unique configuration that allows two riders to race simultaneously along a circular path filled with twists, turns and surprises, water pressure of 3,875 gallons per minute catapults riders through open and closed tubes before a heart-pounding plunge of nearly 25 foot down a 50-degree slope.

www.aqualand.fr

CYPRUSFASOURI WATERMANIA, CYPRUSFASOURI WATERMANIA, CYPRUSLocated between Limassol and Paphos, the Fasouri Watermania features the largest selection of water attractions and slides in Cyprus. Soak up the rays while gliding down the lazy river, or try out the tidal wave pool and Kamikaze Slide, and if you like fast slides in the dark then the Black Cannon is the best one to try. The park also has two large restaurants and three snack shops for when you get peckish. A great place for a family outing, packed with wet fun and laughter.

www.fasouri-watermania.com

Further Afield is a proud member of the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association: www.iglta.org

Our collection ranges from boutique hotels in city destinations to large houses to rent near the sea in England, France, Spain, Scotland and Wales.... and most of our properties welcome children of all ages - see our child friendly theme.

Fabulous & family friendly...

Fabulous

H a n d - p i c k e d p l a c e s t o s t ay F o r g ay & s t r a i g H t t r av e l l e r s

The

Cha

teau

Rib

agna

c, L

imou

sin. P

hoto

: Pau

lDaw

son.

co.u

k

FLYING, SWISS MADE–

SWISS.COM

Zürich

Take his breath away on a Swiss city break.MySwitzerland.com/gaylesbianDiscover the charm of our Swiss cities.

205_11d_14_ins_pink_pareting.indd 1 12.09.11 10:02

Eco REtREats – tIPIs & YURtsDYfI foREst, walEs Situated in a beautiful and remarkably remote location in the heart of the Dyfi Forest, Eco Retreats is the ideal place to escape the pressures of the outside world and find some space to reconnect with nature, to your loved ones and to yourself. Each tipi or yurt has its own toilet and shower unit and is situated on its own secluded spot so you can really make the most of the peace and quiet.

www.ecoretreats.co.ukSIAM PARK, TENERIFEWith rides like the Tower of Power, The Dragon, and the Mekong Rapids to set your pulse racing, Siam Park is an exciting adventureland set in its very own tropical paradise. You don’t have to be an adrenaline addict to enjoy the park; you don’t even have to be a swimmer, as all the rides have been designed to allow non swimmers to enjoy the slides in complete safety too! The magical world of Siam Park, with its Thai theme throughout, is set in a lush, green and tranquil environment that the whole family can enjoy, young or old.

www.siampark.net


There are stages in life when you really ought to sit down and think finances. And starting a family is absolutely one of those stages. Good financial planning is all about having money in three areas - short, medium & long term savings, and protecting everything with the right kind of insurances. Simples!

EMERGENCY MONEY – YOUR SLUSH FUNDEvery now and then, something goes wrong. A boiler breaks down, the exhaust on the car blows, or the washing machine goes bang. These unexpected annoyances can be expensive, and if you don’t have the money to hand, the credit card gets loaded. But what if something else happens? What if you or your partner loses a job? Finding a new job may not be easy in today’s financial climate. Having an fund to cater for any unexpected financial emergencies is important. Ideally this should cover between three and six month’s regular outgoings (so think food shopping, mortgage or rent, utility bills etc). This fund needs to be easily accessible, so you can get to the money quickly as and when its needed. But at the same time must be removed from temptation! New trainers are not an emergency! Nor is a takeaway because someone forgot to pop to Waitrose on the way home from work. If you can trust yourself enough not to dip into these savings, then an account with a cash card is fine.

Alternatively, you could opt for a savings account that comes with a book instead of a card. These are a little old fashioned, but banks and building societies still offer them. Money can be paid in electronically if you like internet banking, but you need to visit the branch to make withdrawals, so these accounts may be more suited to those easily tempted to treat themselves.

Any account with instant access tends to pay very little interest – but that’s not the important factor. The key is to have enough accessible cash in the event of an emergency. Products that pay more interest may mean that access to your money is restricted.

MEDIUM TERM SAVINGS – BUILD A NEST EGGSo, we all want the nicer things in life. How about sending the kids to a good school, or uni? Perhaps helping them towards the cost of their first home? Not cheap is it? So putting some money away for the medium to longer term is a good idea. But with savings rates so low, and inflation eating away at the value of cash, alternatives should be considered when saving for the longer term. This when we talk investments, and use dirty words like stocks and shares! Don’t be put off – stocks and shares offer good value for money at the moment, and historically outperform cash – even in tough economic times. They’re not for everyone, and you should talk to a financial adviser before dipping into the murky world of investments.

You don’t need to be wealthy to invest and you can make an investment with a lump sum, or you can save monthly. A great way to start is with an Individual Savings Account (ISA). ISA’s are tax efficient, which means you pay little or no tax on any growth depending on the type of ISA you have. You can save up to £11,280 in ISA’s each tax year. Up to half of this can be in a cash ISA, and the rest can be invested in a Stocks and Shares (Investment) ISA. Or the whole lot can go into the investment ISA. Investment ISA’s are more risky than cash ISA’s, but offer much more growth potential than cash. The value of your investments can go up and down, which is why it’s important to take advice about which type of ISA is best for you, and you should regularly

Everyone in life has a need for financial planning. Trouble is, all this talk of pensions & investments, life assurance and all that jazz, can be rather dull. Let’s face it; there are more interesting topics to talk about. Financial adviser Ronnie Barker shares some essentials that every family should consider.

FAMILY FINANCESEveryone in life has a need for financial planning. Trouble is, all this talk of pensions & investments, life assurance and all that jazz, can be rather dull. Let’s face it; there are more interesting topics to talk about. Financial adviser Ronnie Barker shares some essentials that every family should consider.

A Begi� ers Guide to...

here are stages in life when you really ought to sit down and Any account with instant access tends to pay very little interest –

review any investments to make sure they keep on track. Most providers have a wide selection of funds to choose from, and the levels of risk can range from cautious to speculative, with medium risk funds in between for the more balanced investor.

An ISA isn’t the be all and end all of investments, but a good start because of the tax efficiency. If an ISA isn’t for you, or you’ve used up your annual allowance already, then there are alternatives to consider. Your adviser will help you make the right choice about which product and fund is most suitable for you.

INSURANCE – PROTECTING YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR GOALSRight – you have your emergency funds sorted, your longer term savings plan set up and everything is looking rosy. But what if something awful happens? What happens if you or your partner becomes seriously ill, or worse still dies? Having the right insurance in place is the most important part of financial planning, yet is often the most overlooked. If you have, or are considering starting a family, then as a minimum, life assurance is an absolute must! Most of us are happy enough to insure our pets, boilers & mobile phones, but many clients I meet don’t have any or enough protection. Coping emotionally after the death or diagnosis of a critical illness of a loved one is really tough. But the financial consequences can be serious. For example – would an income be lost? Would you need to provide childcare? Would you need to give up work, or reduce your hours to care for your partner? This is all a bit doom gloom I admit, but even if you are fit and healthy with a good diet and gym routine, nobody is superhuman or invincible! Having the right type of cover for the right amount and term is imperative.

You can get life assurance quotes from the various comparison websites, but that’s all you get – a quote and a route to an on-line application. What they don’t do, is help you with how much cover you should have, or advise you about setting the plan up in trust, who should be trustees, should you have one plan to cover everything, or different plans to cover different needs? Would you need a lump sum to pay off the mortgage, or something that can generate an income? Your bank can sell you life assurance, but may not be the most cost effective.

We don’t think twice about insuring our pets, boilers and of course our mobile phones, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t fully protect their families. More often than not, it’s because you just don’t think about it, or because we feel uncomfortable talking about the subject matter. Either way, protection is a much overlooked essential part of financial planning and should be a priority.

So all in all, I think we’ve tackled the three areas of financial planning that any budding parent, or indeed couple with kids should think about. Remember, not all financial advisers are intimidating chaps in pinstripe suits wanting to flog you the next big super-duper-mega-investment. Some of us are quite down to earth folk, who listen to what you have to say, and work out a financial plan that suits your budget and circumstances. Having a good financial adviser is a bit like having a good dentist – not necessarily the most exciting meeting in the calendar, but essential nonetheless (and no scary drills!)

Ronnie Barker has been a financial adviser for over ten years, and set up his own practice, Barker Wealth in January 2010 with a view to building a client focussed practice that puts advice before products. For more information please visit www.barkerwealth.co.uk


ANNABELKARMEL

Summer is the most wonderful time to enjoy the outdoors. Simple dishes you can whip up to take out with you or to feed your family at the end of the day are important so you can spend more time with the family rather than in the kitchen, There’s no better way to enjoy the sunshine than a picnic, it doesn’t need to be complicated and can even be in your own garden!

SUNNYDELIGHTS

ANNABELKARMEL

SUNNY


RECIPES_ ANNABEL KARMEL

These quick and easy to assemble wraps are nutrient packed as well as delicious, and are ideal for and picnic or packed lunch.

Ingredients• 4 tortilla wraps• 1 tsp sweet chilli sauce• Juice of half a lime• 2 tbsp mayonnaise• 300g cooked tiger prawns

(or use small prawns)• 1 avocado, peeled and sliced• 1 tbsp coriander chopped (optional)

or could use parsley or a little fresh chopped dill

• 1 gem lettuce, shredded

MethodIn a bowl, mix together the sweet chilli sauce, lime juice and mayonnaise and season to taste with a little salt and pepper.

Spoon the filling in a pile in the centre of each and top with the shredded lettuce. Sprinkle with a little coriander (if using) and roll up.

Makes 4 portions

CHEFS TIP:

You could make a prawn cocktail

sauce instead by mixing mayo, ketchup and a few drops of Worcestershire sauce.

WRAPS PRAWN &PRAWN &PRAWN &AVOCADO AVOCADO AVOCADO WRAPS WRAPSWRAPS


SUMMER SNACKS

SMOKED SALMON & CREAM CHEESEIngredients• 2 bagels• 4 tbsp cream cheese• 2 tsp snipped fresh chives• Sliced smoked salmon• Squeeze of lemon juice• A little freshly ground black pepper

Method Slice both the bagels in half horizontally. Mix together the cream cheese and chives and spread over the base of the bagel. Lay the smoked salmon on top, add a squeeze of lemon juice over it. Finish with a grinding of black pepper (optional).

CHICKEN & SUN-DRIED TOMATOIngredients• 2 bagels• 2 tbsp cream cheese• 1tsp red pesto• 2 chopped, sun-dried tomatoes in oil• 100g cooked chicken, chopped• Shredded lettuce

Method Mix together the cream cheese and red pesto and stir in the sun-dried tomatoes and chicken. Slice the bagels in half horizontally, spread the base with the cream cheese and chicken mix, add some shredded lettuce and top with the lid of the bagel.

PICNIC BAGELS

ANNABEL’S DELICIOUS REDEVELOPED CHILLED KIDS MEALS, ARE NOW AVAILABLE IN SAINSBURY’S, OCADO, MORRISONS & WAITROSE!!MORRISONS & WAITROSE!!


Because we want you to have the facts explained in a simple way, about why you should have your cord blood and cord tissue or tooth stem cells collected and preserved, we’d like to send you our Information Pack. To request it, simply call our Customer Care Team on 0800 954 5335, email [email protected] quoting Pink Parenting Magazine or visit our website at www.fhbb.com

... you deserve a long, healthy life.

... you’re the best thing that’s happened to us and we want nothing but the best for you.

... chances like this only come around once in a lifetime.

... we decided to store your umbilical cord stem cells the same day we decided on your name.

Because...... we’ve found someone who can save your stem cells from your cord tissue as well as your cord blood.

... finally the whole idea of collecting your stem cells doesn’t seem scary or confusing any more.

... it’s better to have your stem cells and not need them, than need them and not have them.

... your little tooth could be a big help in the future.

... your toothy grin is our peace of mind.

... we’ve found someone who cares for your health just as much as we do.

... we don’t want to hide your future health under your pillow.

... we’ve chosen to prepare for what the future may hold.

... we know someone even better than the tooth fairy.

In addition we also offer

SUMMERSNACKS

This is one of my favourite recipes for lemon cheesecake. This cheesecake recipe is ideal to make with your kids!

Ingredients• 4 tbsp Greek yoghurt• 6 tbsp lemon curd• 1 tsp lemon juice• 125ml or 4 ½ fl oz double cream• 5 Digestive biscuits (70g)• 50g or 1 2 3 oz) butter

Method Put the biscuits in a plastic bag and crush them using a rolling pin. Melt the butter in a small saucepan and stir into the crumbs.

Divide the crumbs between 4 small ring moulds approx 7 cm (2.8in) wide. Use clean fingers to press firmly into the base. Chill in the fridge while you are preparing the filling.

Mix the yoghurt, lemon curd and lemon juice into a bowl until smooth. In a smaller bowl, whip the cream until it makes slightly floppy peaks. Mix 2 tablespoons of the cream into the lemon mixture, then fold in the remaining.

Spoon the lemon mixture on top of the chilled biscuit base. Fill to the top and smooth off with a palette knife. Chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Garnish with lemon rind, blueberries or some mint sprigs and a dusting of icing sugar.

CHEFS TIP:

You could use lime or orange curd

instead of lemon curd Makes 4 small portions - it is quite rich but double the quantities.

LUSCIOUS LEMONCHEESECAKE

This is a delicious way to get your child to eat more vegetables! The grated courgette keeps these muffins lovely and moist.

MethodSieve together the white flour, sugar, mixed spice, a pinch of salt and baking powder. Then sift in the brown flour and save the remaining bran in the sieve. Melt the butter, allow to cool down and then mix with the milk and egg. Stir in the grated courgette, raisins and then the flour mixture.

Line a muffin tray with 12 paper cases. Fill each one with the muffin mix till about 2/3 full. Mix together the reserved bran and demerera sugar and sprinkle on top of each muffin. Preheat the oven to 170°C and bake for 25 minutes.

Makes 12 Muffins

Ingredients• 110g white self raising flour• 125g soft brown sugar• 1 tsp mixed spice • ½ tsp ground ginger• ½ tsp baking powder• 110g wholemeal self raising flour

• 85g melted butter• 180 ml milk• 1 egg lightly beaten• 125 g courgette, grated• 125 g raisins• 1 tsp Demerara sugar

COURGETTE & COURGETTE & COURGETTE & RAISIN MUFFINSRAISIN MUFFINSRAISIN MUFFINS


Come and see the world’s first IVF Clinic at one of our open days or visit us at stand 40 at the Alternative Parenting Show

www.bourn-hall-clinic.co.uk

Caroline Kelly [email protected] +44 (0)20 7344 5565 www.fsilaw.com/pink-

Expert legal advice from approachable, professional lawyers

civil partnerships children/surrogacy/guardianship

wills and estates tax advice and planning disputes

Caroline Kelly [email protected] +44 (0)20 7344 5565 ask Caroline a question at www.fsilaw.com/pink-parenting or scan here

Expert legal advice from approachable, professional lawyers

24/7 service at competitive rates Protecting your family civil partnerships children/surrogacy/guardianship pre and post nuptial agreements cohabitation Protecting your assets wills and estates tax advice and planning creation and administration of trusts disputes

Expert legal advice fr

Shop online at www.spiralsfairtrade.co.ukOpen 7 days a week & late every Thursdayuntil 8pm from 24th Nov – 22nd Dec

11-13 Market StreetHebden BridgeHX7 6EU West YorkshireTel 01422 847 462

Two floors of fairtrade & eco shopping in the pituresque town of Hebden Bridge

Clothing & BagsHome FurnishingsFood & KitchenwareHandmade FurnitureChildren’s ToysJewelleryNatural SkincareBooks & Music

Online Shop Now Open!









































�

Account: BOOTSCampaign: 10484_FERTILITY_UK_HPVJob Title: 25010484_FERTILTIY_UK_HPVPublication: MASTERInsertion: AS BOOKED

Size: 297x100Date: August 10, 2010 4:14 PMProof: 4Operator: DAN B

ERIC:BOOTS:ES:PRESS:HEALTHCARE_2010:10484_FERTILITY_UK_HPV:LAYOUT:25010484_FERTILTIY_UK_HPV

feel good

Get expert fertility information and support online with Boots WebMDLet us supportyou in taking thefirst step.

Visit www.bootswebmd.com and search ‘fertility’.

�




feel good



�




feel good



Producers of...

Brought to you by Square Peg Media

biggay

show2012lifestyle

andg3 and Out in the City are our gay life-style titles, with a full parenting section and no adult advertising.On Sale in WHSmiths and all good retailers from 28 September.Find out where to get a copy at:

outmag.co.uk

fRee entry to the biggest LgbT indoor event of its kind, register online. New family section for advice, exhibitors and kids’ ents.Saturday 20 October

biggaylifestyleshow.com

alternativeparentingshow.com

mag.co.uk

SURROGACY ADOPTION& FOSTERING

FERTILITY LEGAL ADVICE CO-PARENTING SPERM DONATION LIFESTYLE

grand Connaught RoomsCovent garden

fRee Free tickets for all

Pink Parenting readers

SaVe £8Just use voucher code PP2012.

+ book early for places to our helpful semi-

nars

15SEPT

SaTURDay

To find out more or book your place, visit:

FUTURE EVENTS

FUTURE EVENTS

J U N E / J U L Y 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 5J U N E / J U L Y 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 5

PINK-PARENTING.COMPINK-PARENTING.COM

GAY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFEObama was a black child brought up by white grandparents and a white single mother after his parents separated and he learned from an early age what it was like for him and his family to deal with discrimination. He married a strong, educated, professional black woman and he has created the sort of family life he never experienced as a child. He then integrated into society and ultimately ended up representing the United States of America, leading by personal example on the issue of gay marriage.

It is not just the issue of gay marriage that is challenging law and policy makers across the United States of America and around the world. Family life for the gay community is changing too. More and more gay people are building families and becoming parents embracing assisted reproduction, surrogacy, co-parenting, known donor arrangements and donor conception. There is now more acceptance than ever before of gay families and increasing numbers are growing in confidence and embracing parenthood. However, the legal issues gay families face can be complex and challenging as the law does not always treat them equally. This is something Obama remains very aware of, based on his own experience with his staff and his children’s friend’s same-sex parents.

Assisted reproduction, surrogacy, co-parenting and known donation offer a wealth of choice for prospective gay parents and yet there is often a distinct lack of joined up legal thinking which can leave gay parents without legal status for their children and a lack of legal protection for their family. This can create all manner of problems and involve complex legal solutions and hard fought legal battles when things go wrong.

Prospective parents looking to build families through third party reproduction, surrogacy, donor conception and co-parenting need to get to grips with the legal issues form the outset. The law does not yet treat gay parents and families formed through assisted conception equally and there is still a long way to go before this is achieved. Perhaps these are issues Obama will shoulder in years to come in his drive to achieve greater equality and based on his own personal experience of marriage, parenthood and family life. In the meantime, he represents the United States of America’s first black president and the first president to back gay marriage and he will be remembered for his charismatic support for equality and fairness for the gay community.


W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M J U N E / J U L Y 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 5J U N E / J U L Y 2 0 1 2 – I S S U E 0 5

PINK-PARENTING.COMPINK-PARENTING.COM

GAY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFEObama was a black child brought up by white grandparents and a white single mother after his parents separated and he learned from an early age what it was like for him and his family to deal with discrimination. He married a strong, educated, professional black woman and he has created the sort of family life he never experienced as a child. He then integrated into society and ultimately ended up representing the United States of America, leading by personal example on the issue of gay marriage.

It is not just the issue of gay marriage that is challenging law and policy makers across the United States of America and around the world. Family life for the gay community is changing too. More and more gay people are building families and becoming parents embracing assisted reproduction, surrogacy, co-parenting, known donor arrangements and donor conception. There is now more acceptance than ever before of gay families and increasing numbers are growing in confidence and embracing parenthood. However, the legal issues gay families face can be complex and challenging as the law does not always treat them equally. This is something Obama remains very aware of, based on his own experience with his staff and his children’s friend’s same-sex parents.

Assisted reproduction, surrogacy, co-parenting and known donation offer a wealth of choice for prospective gay parents and yet there is often a distinct lack of joined up legal thinking which can leave gay parents without legal status for their children and a lack of legal protection for their family. This can create all manner of problems and involve complex legal solutions and hard fought legal battles when things go wrong.

Prospective parents looking to build families through third party reproduction, surrogacy, donor conception and co-parenting need to get to grips with the legal issues form the outset. The law does not yet treat gay parents and families formed through assisted conception equally and there is still a long way to go before this is achieved. Perhaps these are issues Obama will shoulder in years to come in his drive to achieve greater equality and based on his own personal experience of marriage, parenthood and family life. In the meantime, he represents the United States of America’s first black president and the first president to back gay marriage and he will be remembered for his charismatic support for equality and fairness for the gay community.


W W W . P I N K - P A R E N T I N G . C O M

131 S. Rodeo Dr. Suite 100, Beverly Hills, CA 90212, USA

Direct 001 310 858 8835, [email protected]

www.fertility-miracles.comFertility Miracles is a member of the American Society for Reproductive

Medicine and the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology.

All consultations are free and confidential Copyright 2011 © Fertility Miracles

International Egg Donation and Surrogacy Program

Rated #1 Agency by Men Having Babies

organization

Over 85% rate of successWhat do we offer?

All in one affordable IVF packages

Accessible state of the art treatment options

PGD, ICSI, Gender Selection

Emotional support, care and compassion

Easy online access to donor and surrogate profiles

Minimal travel requirements

Legal guidance and insurance assistance

Over 500 profiles available

Men Having BabiesWWW.MENHAVINGBABIES.ORG/EUROPE

The First EuropeanSurrogacy Seminar & Gay Parenting Expo

April 29-30, 2012Lloret de Mar near Barcelona, Spain

Parent and surrogate testimonies

Medical, psychological, and legal experts

Eighteen Gay Parenting Services Exhibitors

The program is part of four-day gathering of the Network of European LGBT Family Associations (NELFA):

Hundreds of LGBT families from across Europe

Educational and leisure activities in a seaside resort

Affordable all-inclusive program including excursions!

CONSIDERING PARENTHOOD?

�




feel good



�




feel good



�




feel good



& Gay Parenting Expo

DON’T MISS...

WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI

»

Little Dish started in 2006, when Hillary Graves was expecting her first child. Whilst on her quest to find food for her baby, she noticed that no one was making fresh healthy food for children

which parents could buy in supermarkets.“I remember being really surprised that

no one at that time was offering fresh healthy meals for kids. The only options available for Mums and Dads were either along the baby isle in supermarkets where you could find the traditional long life glass jars of puréed food, that sat on the same shelf for upto two years, or if you opted for the ready prepared chilled or even frozen foods, then the ingredients were not suitable for children as they were full of additives and preservatives”

The idea behind Little Dish was to create a meal that parents could recognise as a dish that they would make for themselves

in their own kitchens, and meant using only 100% natural ingredients and adding no additional salt or sugar.

So in 2006, with her business partner John Stapleton, whose background is in food science, the two worked tirelessly on building their concept.

“What with John’s experience in food and my background in sales and marketing, we felt we had really complimentary skills that could make this concept of making fresh food for your kids that would be available in your local supermarket into a reality”.

“We set up an on-line survey which we sent out to 200 mothers asking them what they thought was important when feeding their little angels. Interestingly, the feedback from that research included all the same reasons we had built Little Dish around, which was fresh, natural ingredients, no salt, no sugar and of course taste, because no

matter how healthy the dish is, if your kid doesn’t want to eat it then what’s the point?”

It was the results of the survey that gave the team the confidence to write a business plan, and to continue developing their con-cept into a brand that could be sold in all major supermarkets around the country.

“One of our biggest challenges we faced was to eliminate the stigma that came with ‘ready-made’ dishes. As a mother, I’m not a huge fan of ready-made meals, but I have no problem feeding my kids Little Dish as I know how good it is for them. To address this, we met with a PR agency that worked with us on the design of the packaging and the creation of story-book like characters on the outside and a game on the inside”.

In 2009 Little Dish was ready to hit the supermarket shelves, and Waitrose was the first port of call, chosen primarily because of the stores association with the online

The folks over at Little Dish want to let all parents know that they can feed their children food that not only tastes delicious, but is also 100% all natural ingredients. Hillary Graves, Co Founder and Director, shares with Pink Parenting what inspired her to start Little Dish, her desire to change social attitudes, and her future plans.

Behind the brand...

want to let all parents know that they can feed their children food that not only tastes delicious, but is also 100% all natural ingredients. Hillary Graves, Co Founder and Director, shares

Little Dish, her desire



shopping portal Ocado. This would prove invaluable as more and more busy parents now use on-line sites to do their shopping.

“It was agreed that we would trial our products in 20 Waitrose stores plus Ocado to begin with. We were so excited but also so nervous, we had to ensure we could meet these demands, get the recipes spot on, and then deliver the correct amount of each dish to the each of the supermarkets on time – it was mayhem to start with!”

In an effort to drum up even more brand awareness, Hillary spent days dropping off flyers and vouchers to local playgroups and involved herself in all the mother/toddler activities she could find in the vicinity of each of the 20 supermarkets. The gorilla marketing tactics worked as Little Dish was soon stocked into 50 more Waitrose stores, which in turn grew to 100.

Also at this time, Hillary published a cook-book, with the idea to promote the whole family sitting down together and enjoying meals. Every recipe is graded to indicate the level of complexity and each recipe has been tried and tested by children themselves.

Fast forward to 2012 and Little Dish can now be found in all major UK supermarkets. In the early days Little Dish was feeding about 2000 children a week, today the number exceeds 100,000.

Even before the creation of Little Dish, Hillary and John really wanted to make a change to the social attitude of feeding children healthy food. Shocking statistics show that 1 in 5 children who start school at 5 years of age are already obese.

“I would love for all parents to know that an unhealthy diet for their child can greatly increase the chances of diabetes and heart disease in later life, not to mention the negative impact an unhealthy diet has on a child’s performance in school. Start them

off with healthy meals and they will contin-ue to eat healthy. I am not suggesting that there should be no treats, of course there should, but it’s all about moderation.”

“There are still too many food manufac-turers that are letting their consumers down, making food loaded with levels of salt and sugar that are too high for adults and definitely too high for kids. At Little Dish we want to change that, and provide a healthy nutritional alternative for all kids to enjoy.”

On her thoughts for the future, Hillary remarked, “It’s not only in th UK that there is an obesity problem, it’s global, so we would love to introduce our Little Dish concept into lots of other countries, just like we did with the UK 6 years ago”

AS OF 2012 AND LITTLE DISH CAN BE FOUND IN ALL MAJOR UK SUPERMARKETS. IN THE EARLY DAYS LITTLE DISH WAS FEEDING ABOUT 2000 CHILDREN A WEEK, TODAY THE NUMBER EXCEEDS 100,000.

BEHIND THE BRAND

Village Kids specialise in Designer Babies, Children and Junior/young Teenager Childrenswear and Shoes. We have choice of Smart occasion wear from Suits, Jackets, Trousers, Shirts & Ties for Boys or Girls Dresses and skirts for that Special Occasion.

New styles arriving daily from brands: Armani, Boss Kidswear, Dior, Dolce and Gabbana, Energie, Hackett, Juicy Couture, Miss Sixty, Ralph Lauren, and many more.

Visit www.villagekids.co.uk for more information or call 01322 528836


LEGAL LOWDOWN

Civil partnership dissolution / divorce and relationship break-down are high up on the list of events that cause us stress (coming second and third; death of a spouse is number one). That stress is exacerbated when you are dealing not only with your own grief at the loss of a relationship or the breakdown of a friendship but also with how to manage an effective and

constructive co-parenting relationship with that person in the future. The Court can make a variety of orders in relation to children. It

can impose a resolution on parents who cannot agree where the child should live, how much time he should spend with each parent, where he should go to school and what his surname should be. There are cases in which a parent has little choice but to issue formal court proceedings, for example where a child is in danger and urgent steps must be taken to secure his safety or where one parent will absolutely not allow the other to see their child. However, for many families, Court is and should be the last resort. The Court encourages parents to resolve arrangements for their children themselves, primarily because they know their child and their family best.

There is some case law about issues surrounding alternative families and pink parents but not very much and the Courts have

commented that there is a difficulty in fitting conventional / traditional cases and outcomes to alternative families. The Court can be a blunt instrument and because of the volume of cases, it can take months (sometimes years) to resolve applications. At the end of the litigation, the positions of the adults can be even more polarised than before and everyone is exhausted by the process. Avoid it if you can. This is not to say that parents should put off obtaining legal advice about their rights and responsibilities – sometimes tensions can be reduced by reassurance about a parent’s legal standing.

DIRECT DISCUSSIONS If Court is the last option and to be avoided if possible, what are the others? The first is to try to resolve the conflict directly. If possible and appropriate, meet with your former partner and talk through exactly what the issues are. There are ways to manage these meetings so that they are child-focused and do not become an emotionally draining post mortem of the relationship.

You should do all that you can to set up the meeting to work. Even what seem like small, practical points can help. For example, meet somewhere neutral so not at home or a restaurant that has

Being a pink parent is both wonderful and challenging. With every major life event, even the happiest and most positive ones, comes some anxiety and raising a child is no different. Every parent has concerns about their child’s health, wellbeing and safety and questions about schooling, lifestyle and religion. It is hard work bringing up a child and that becomes infinitely harder if you are in conflict with the other parent(s) in that relationship.

THE PINK PARENT AND RESOLVING CONFLICT

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY


special significance for you as a couple or a family. Put a time limit on the meeting – it is better to fix two or three one-hour sessions than to spend hours and hours trying to cover everything in one sitting. If possible, try and agree an agenda for what will be discussed in advance. One of you should draw up a short list of points that you would like to talk about and send it to the other(s), so that there are no surprises at the meeting and people have time to consider their responses. It is helpful to begin with the less controversial issues (if any); beginning a meeting with an agreement can create a positive forum within which to resolve the stickier issues.

As well as how the child’s time will be shared, issues that often arise a first meeting include how and when to tell the child’s nursery or school about the breakdown of the relationship, practical issues about school reports and timetables being sent out to two addresses rather than one and updating emergency contact details. It is sensible to spend some time considering each of these in advance.

If there are immediate or pressing issues, such as one parent wanting to take the child on holiday next week, deal with that first because otherwise the focus won’t be on the other longer-term issues. If appropriate, you could also try to put in place strategies that deal with the fact that that parenting decision had to be taken at such at late point. Using a holiday or an overseas trip as an example, you could agree that one parent will give the other details of the proposed holiday at least 2 months beforehand for his consideration and provide reassurance about how they will be able to get in touch with the child while he is away from home.

THERAPY There are many for whom direct discussions just won’t work (such as where there has been domestic violence or one side is implacably hostile towards the other). This is sometimes because the pain of the relationship breakdown is too raw and the focus is still on the adult’s relationship, although that can change over time. It can sometimes help if a trusted friend or family member (so long as they are agreed to be ‘neutral’) sits in on a direct meeting and helps to facilitate it. That can be a big ask though and the parents may feel anxious about someone else being party to these emotive discussions.

Professional communication therapy can be extremely useful and the techniques learned can help long term and benefit the whole family. I often recommend clients to the Tavistock Centre in North London (www.tccr.org.uk) with excellent results but there are many therapists who can provide invaluable support during or after relationship breakdown.

I also regularly recommend clients to take ‘Parenting After Parting’ classes (which are easy to find details for on the internet). These workshops are excellent but the additional benefit to attending (and you would go to a separate class from your child’s other parent(s)) is the support and practical advice that you get from the other attendees, who will all be in similarly difficult situations.

Other helpful resources include the CAFCASS website (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) and Resolution (formerly the Solicitors Family Law Association) – many of the leaflets are worth reading and not only if you do end up litigating these issues. The ‘My Family’s Changing’ leaflets produced by CAFCASS are, I think, really useful and help the parents focus on what it is like the child or children involved. Sometimes parents can, without realising or meaning to, lose sight of what is in the child’s best interests.

WORKING WITH YOUR SOLICITORIf direct discussions and alternative dispute resolution do not help and you are still having real difficulties communicating with the other parent, you may decide to meet with a solicitor to discuss next steps and the possibility of taking the matter to Court.

This can feel like a huge step and clients are often extremely nervous that a first meeting will mean that they will definitely end up in Court. It does not. It is important to remember that a solicitor cannot act without your instructions and that they are a resource. Whilst they give you the benefit of their experience, tell you what the legal position is and recommend how to proceed, your solicitor cannot make decisions for you.

A specialist family law solicitor (details can be found on the Resolution website) will be able to take you through all of the available options and should not put you under any pressure to progress your case in a way that you feel uncomfortable with or unsure about.

It is helpful for your solicitor to know exactly what the issues are in advance of the meeting and often having a short chronology from the client beforehand can be useful. If the issue is that the other parent has not been facilitating contact with your child, take a note of when you last saw your son or daughter and how many times you have had successful contact over the preceding six months or so or since separation.

Alternatively, if you feel unable to facilitate contact with your child and his other parent, be ready to explain exactly what the problem is, when it started and what steps the other parent could take that would assuage your concerns.

Be open and honest with your solicitor about what has happened to cause these issues – it is far better to know this from your own client to be surprised by an allegation in correspondence. Different solicitors fit different clients and if you do not feel able to confide in or ask questions of the person that you meet with, try someone else.

Be clear about what your priorities are from the first meeting and obtain clear advice about whether they can be achieved. It is important to have a good working relationship with your solicitor and to have confidence in them; if that relationships breaks down at a

WORDS_ LINZI BULL

»

THE COURT CAN BE A BLUNT INSTRUMENT AND BECAUSE OF THE VOLUME OF CASES, IT CAN TAKE MONTHS (OR YEARS) TO RESOLVE APPLICATIONS. AT THE END OF THE LITIGATION, THE POSITIONS OF THE ADULTS CAN BE EVEN MORE POLARISED THAN BEFORE AND EVERYONE IS EXHAUSTED BY THE PROCESS. AVOID IT IF YOU CAN.

I S S U E 0 6 – S U M M E R / A U T U M N 2 0 1 2

crucial part of a case, it can put a great deal of extra pressure on the client. Do not feel worried about asking a solicitor if he has experience in advising pink parents if that is important to you (and it may well be) – or use the internet to find one that is stated to be ‘gay friendly’ or has acted in one of the reported cases on same sex parenting in the law reports.

MEDIATION It might be that progress can be made in mediation and, if that’s the case, your solicitor will be able to recommend a specialist mediator (again, there are mediators who have excellent experience in acting for and advising pink parents). The mediator will be a trained family lawyer and will focus on working through the issues.

The advantage of resolving conflict in mediation is that parents are able to play a direct and active part in the process – they can have a say. One of frustrations about the Court process is, I think, that parties often feel their voice is not being properly heard through correspondence and in statements. Another advantage is that, if successful, mediation can be far less expensive than court proceedings and that is a very real consideration when people have rent, mortgages and school fees to pay.

COLLABORATIVE LAW If mediation is not an option, the collaborative route may be. At the beginning of the collaborative process, you sign up to an agreement not to issue proceedings at Court. There are then a series of four way meetings with the parents and their lawyers. The advantage is, as with mediation, that the parents articulate their own case. In the collaborative process, the parents also have the benefit of legal advice from their own adviser and any other professionals that may have a helpful input, such as counsellors. Again, if this works well, savings are made on legal fees. If, however, the process breaks down and one or other parent needs to issue proceedings then they can no longer work with their collaborative solicitor and must terminate that retainer and instruct someone new.

GOING TO COURTIn the event that you instruct your solicitor to issue formal court proceedings, be clear about what it is you are asking the Court to do and why. Also, be ready to explain why other routes have failed before asking the Court to determine the position and a Judge at the first hearing will want to know if that has been tried and, if it has not, why not.

Once you are in the middle of litigation, it is easy to become consumed by the process and forget that the other options set out above are still there and still available. If there is a chance that you can reach an agreement without having one imposed upon you, pursue it because that is undoubtedly what is best for your child and your family.

Linzi Bull is a Senior Associate and Co-Head of the Family Group at Harbottle & Lewis LLP. She has experience in all aspects of relationship breakdown and has particular expertise in complex same-sex children law cases. www.harbottle.com

LEGAL LOWDOWN

call us on +44 (0)843 2895844

or e-mail us [email protected]

Q. GUARDIAN ANGELS?We are a gay couple who have just adopted a girl. We really want to choose someone to be her guardian just in case something happens to us, what do you suggest?

A. Anyone with parental responsibility for a child can set out their wishes as to who they would like to look after their child after their death. This is commonly dealt with in a will, but can be done in other ways, provided it is recorded in writing and is signed and dated. Subject to limited exceptions, this appointment will then take effect on the death of the parent who has appointed the guardian, and will confer parental responsibility on the person appointed as guardian.

It may sound odd, but someone with parental responsibility can appoint a guardian which can take effect on the death of the appointer, even if there is a parent still alive, if that parent never acquired parental responsibility, or if there was a residence order in place in favour of the person making the appointment. If this is not the case, the appointment can only take effect when there is no longer anyone else with parental responsibility alive. Most parents agonise over the decision of who to appoint as guardian(s) – should they appoint friends (who know their lifestyle and aspirations for the children) or family (who may have a closer bond with the children)? The parents are best-placed to make this kind of decision – the future of a child left with no parents will be decided by the Courts, albeit with input from interested parties such as family members.

Watch out and make sure that if you are in a civil partnership, you and your civil partner appoint the same guardians and specify that the appointment of the guardian is to take effect only upon

the death of both of you. Be very careful also that you do not individually appoint different guardians accidentally – if you each have parental responsibility and both nominate a guardian, although the appointments will not take effect until you have both died, once that happens, both guardians will be appointed, a situation that could easily lead to conflict and the involvement of the Courts.

A note of warning - in terms of the interrelation between surrogacy and the appointment of guardians, only a person with parental responsibility for a child can appoint a guardian to care for that child after their death. However, until a parental order is obtained by the commissioning parents in a surrogacy, the commissioning parents do not have parental responsibility for that child with attendant problems on the appointment of guardians. Although you might think that a scenario would never arise in which this would be a concern, there was a recent case in England to determine whether a parental order could be granted to commissioning parents where the commissioning father had died between the application for the order being made, and the application being decided by the Court.

A final caution - appointing a guardian is not fool-proof comfort that that person will be looking after your child if you die, the appointment can be brought to an end by the guardian themselves, or by an order of the Court, this is only likely to happen if there is a problem.

Q. SURROGACY ABROAD?I am considering surrogacy abroad but am afraid I might not be able to bring my child back to the UK. Is there any guidance you can offer?

A. Due to differing laws in different countries, International surrogacy can be fraught with difficulties. However, the UK Border Agency has published some helpful information on its website, including guidance known as “Inter-Country Surrogacy and the Immigration Rules.” This provides a useful introduction to the legal complexities that will confront anyone embarking upon international surrogacy.

Legal advice is recommended prior to taking any steps down the path of international surrogacy, both in relation to the immigration problems you may confront, and the legal aspects that will need to be met in the UK when your child is granted leave to reside here.

Q. PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY AGREEMENT?My best friend and I are going to be co-parenting our little girl, and wanted to know if we could and should set up a pre-birth Parental Responsibility agreement before she is born?

A. All parties can enter into a pre-conception agreement setting out whether the donor will have parental responsibility or any rights and obligations in relation to the child. This will not be enforceable or binding, however it can be used as good evidence in the future, should a dispute arise. If you are pregnant, but have not yet given birth, the parties can enter into a pre-birth agreement. Again, this will only be good evidence if there are proceedings or arguments in the future. Always obtain legal advice before entering any agreements.

Finers Stephens Innocent is a Central London based law firm offering legal advice in all areas of family law and relationshipsfor more information please visit - www.fsilaw.com

Q&A WITH FINERS STEPHENS INNOCENT

EXPERTADVICE



EXPERT VIEWS

Dr. Gad Lavy, is an internationally acclaimed reproductive physician, speaker, author, and founder of New England Fertility, recognised for building families through gestational surrogacy and egg donation. He has previously been an assistant professor in the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology at Yale University School of Medicine and served as the director of the Yale program for assisted reproduction.

A very frequent question we are often asked is what the process is for a gay male couple when building their family through third party reproduction. Here, Dr. Lavy explains in easy to follow stages what the procedure includes and lets you know what you should expect to happen.

1THE INITIAL CONSULTATION:The first step is an initial consultation with a reproductive endocrinologist and a egg donor/surrogacy team. At this meeting medical records will be reviewed and a discussion of the process will take place. Typically a patient care

coordinator will be assigned to assist you in the navigation of each step. In addition a financial counsellor will meet with you to review the fees associated with the process and discuss insurance and financing options.

2EGG DONOR SELECTION:The next step is the egg donor selection. You will be asked to list the important characteristics you are seeking in an egg donor. A database will be available for access where you can view profiles and pictures of egg donors, and your

care coordinator should be able to assist you in finding an egg donor who meets the characteristics you are seeking.

ASK A QUESTION AT PINK-PARENTING.com

?

3 FINDING YOUR GESTATIONAL CARRIER: Next is the gestational carrier. You will be given a list of surrogacy agencies that specialize in finding women who are willing to serve as surrogates. These agencies perform background checks on all prospective candidates. The

clinic will then complete the medical and psychological evaluation of your chosen surrogate and prepare the carrier for her cycle.

4 MEDICAL SCREENING: Both male partners will be required by the FDA to undergo screening for infectious diseases. In addition sperm is collected, tested and stored in the clinic’s cry bank to be used for fertilization of the eggs.

5FINDING ‘SURROGATE FRIENDLY’ STATES:In the US gestational surrogacy laws vary from state to state. Surrogates for gay couples are chosen from “surrogate friendly” states that allow the names of the intended parents of the birth certificate. A contract will be drawn

up between the carrier and the intended parents, covering all issues related to the treatments and the pregnancy. An account will kept with an attorney to cover the carrier’s cost, which can be insured.

6FRESH OR FROZEN?:In the final step, you will have the choice to use fresh or frozen eggs. If frozen are chosen, they will be thawed and fertilized with the sperm of one or both partners. Three to five days after fertilization, the embryos will be transferred

to the carrier. Once pregnancy is confirmed the carrier is monitored for 6- 8 weeks and then will be passed over to her own obstetrician.

For a complimentary international Skype consult with Dr. Lavy, please send an email to [email protected]. To learn more about gestational surrogacy please visit www.nefertility.com

Follow us onread our blog for all our news and views

Or visit one of our 43 stores:

London (Battersea, Blackheath, Chelsea Green, Chiswick, Crouch End, Dulwich, Muswell Hill, Putney, Temple Fortune and Notting Hill),

Bath, Bishop’s Stortford, Brighton, Bristol, Bury St Edmunds, Cardiff, Cheltenham, Chester, Cobham, Colchester, Edinburgh, Exeter,

Glasgow, Guildford, Hale, Harpenden, Harrogate, Kingston, Knutsford, Leamington Spa, Marlow, Morpeth, Newbury, Newport, Oxford,

Richmond, Salisbury, Sevenoaks, St Albans, Tunbridge Wells, Winchester and Windsor.

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk 0871 423 5656

* Free delivery to UK and Ireland. See website for full details.

pink parenting feb.indd 1 27/02/2012 14:33

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk 0871 423 5656Quote PPG12 at website checkout when ordering

Or visit one of our 39s stores: London (Battersea, Blackheath, Chelsea Green, Chiswick, Crouch End, Dulwich, Muswell Hill, Putney, Temple Fortune and Notting Hill), Bath, Brighton, Bristol, Bury St Edmunds, Cardiff, Cheltenham, Cobham, Colchester, Edinburgh, Exeter, Guildford, Hale, Harpenden, Harrogate, Kingston, Knutsford, Leamington Spa,

Marlow, Morpeth, Newbury, Newport, Oxford, Salisbury, Sevenoaks, St Albans, Tunbridge Wells, Winchester and Windsor.

Pink Parenting Sep.indd 1 12/09/2011 10:04

Leaving ourmark for over 20 years.We love memories, but more importantly we love beginnings. We’ve been pioneering infertility treatment, sperm and egg donation, and gestational surrogacy with same sex couples for over 20 years. Under the leadership of Dr. Gad Lavy, New England Fertility can help you begin your family – and start your own memories.

Video conference consultations available.

visit nefertility.com or call +001 203.325.3200Conveniently located just north of NYC1275 Summer Street, Stamford, CT.

Egg Donation Agency

Professional International Egg Donor Services

www.baby2mom.co.za newfamilysocial.co.uk

join the adoption revolution

Call us on 0843 2899457 or visit our website:

At New Family Social we believe in giving homes to children who need them.

There is a huge community of LGBT people across the UK forming permanent families

by adoption. It’s the most rewarding thing in the world. Join us now for advice, and to talk to others in your area.

We make your Surrogacy and Egg Donation Simple and affordable!

For more information please visit us at www.simplesurrogacy.com, or www.simpledonations.com Call us toll-free at 1-866-41-SURRO to speak with our Executive Program Director for a free consultation.

SimpleSurrogacy.com

Don’t pay your Agency more than you compensate your Surrogate!Simple Surrogacy should be your surrogacy and egg donor agency:l one of the largest surrogacy and egg donation agencies in the U.S.l excellent reputation helping our clients achieve success for 10 yearsl expedited matching with our database of available surrogatesl quality services and personal attention at affordable pricesl speak with previous clients of our programl over 32 babies already expected for 2011l have helped many International Gay couples complete their families

Full Service Surrogacy and Egg Donation from a renowned agency at a lower cost.

Don’t pay your Agency more than you

Simple Surrogacy should be your surrogacy and egg donor agency:one of the largest surrogacy and egg donation agencies in the U.S.excellent reputation helping our clients achieve success for 10 yearsexpedited matching with our database of available surrogates

have helped many International Gay couples complete their families


Visit our web site to learn more. See how Simple Surrogacy in the United States is the best option for creating your family. We look forward to making your parenting dreams come true!

www.custardandcrumble.co.uk

CREATE A ROOM TO BE LOVED AND CHERISHED

BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…

FERTILITY AND EARLY PREGNANCY PRIVATE

ULTRASOUND SCANNING SERVICE

CH

ER I S H-UK

for more information or to book an appointment contact:

email: [email protected]: 07580611879or visit: www.cherish-uk.com

CHERISH-UK PROVIDES SCANS AND BLOOD TESTS

FOR COUPLES HAVING FERTILITY TREATMENT AT HOME OR ABROAD.

CHERISH-UK ALSO PROVIDESEARLY PREGNANCY SCANS.

CHERISH-UK IS RUN BYPRACTITIONERS WHO ARE

EXPERT IN THE FIELD OF FERTILITY AND EARLY

PREGNANCY ASSESSMENT AND ARE REGULATED BY THE CARE QUALITY COMMISSION.

















Egg Donation Agency









For more information please visit us at www.simplesurrogacy.com, or www.simpledonations.com Call us toll-free at 1-866-41-SURRO to speak with our Executive Program Director for a free consultation.

SimpleSurrogacy.com










BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



CH

ER I S H-UK

























Egg Donation Agency









For more information please visit us at www.simplesurrogacy.com, or www.simpledonations.com Call us toll-free at 1-866-41-SURRO to speak with our Executive Program Director for a free consultation.SimpleSurrogacy.com










BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



CH E R I S H- UK

























Egg Donation Agency









For more information please visit us at www.simplesurrogacy.com, or www.simpledonations.com Call us toll-free at 1-866-41-SURRO to speak with our Executive Program Director for a free consultation.SimpleSurrogacy.com










BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



BE INSPIRED…



CH E R I S H- UK









See us at the Alternative Parenting Show, Grand Connaught Rooms, London Booth No.72 – Saturday 15th September 2012 – www.alternativeparenting.co.uk

US GESTATIONAL SURROGACY LAWS VARY. SURROGATES FOR GAY COUPLES ARE CHOSEN FROM “SURROGATE FRIENDLY” STATES THAT ALLOW THE NAMES OF THE INTENDED PARENTS OF THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.


ANDFINALLY...

Neither this publication nor its contents constitute an explicit endorsement by G&J Media of the products or services mentioned in advertising or editorial content. The editorial content in this publication does not necessarily represent policies or recommendations of G&J Media. This publication is not intended to be exhaustive. While every effort has been made to ensure accuracy, G&J Media shall not have any liability for errors or omissions. Readers who have questions should consult their healthcare providers or other competent sources of information and guidance. © 2012 All copyright G&J Media unless otherwise stated. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited.

HAMFAMILYUPDATE

n our first issue of PP we featured an amazing couple raising 12 children in a US state that does not allow same-sex couples to marry or adopt. Undeterred, the Hams have recently scored a victory in bringing their family even closer.On July 13 2012, Judge Diane Woolard called to

inform them that both Steven’s and Roger’s names would finally appear on each of their 12 children’s birth certificates. After their story was released in the Huffington Post a little over a year ago, the pair have received calls from around the globe and accolades from human-rights groups, and even earned Steven and Roger ‘Fathers of the Year 2012’ nominations in an issue of Esquire dedicated to fatherhood.

Massive congratulations guys from everyone at Pink Parenting – you are an inspiration to us all!

A CAR THAT’S AS MODERN AS YOUR FAMILY.THE NEW FORESTER.Unlike most cars the Subaru Forester has the World’s only Boxer Diesel engine which has a low centre of gravity, which helps you roll less on corners and remain stable, even on more challenging roads. It also has a Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive system, which helps it stick to the road when you need it most.

So you can rely on the Subaru Forester to keep the whole family safe, wherever you’re going, whatever the weather.

Forester range fuel consumption in mpg(l/100km): Urban from 29.1 (9.7) to 37.2 (7.6). Extra Urban from 44.1 (6.4) to 50.4 (5.6). Combined from 37.7 (7.5) to 44.8 (6.3). CO2 emissions from 174 to 167 (g/km).

Call 08430 222074 visit subaru.co.uk/safe or text ‘forester’ to 60800

Reproductive Medicine Associates of ConnecticutDanbury, Norwalk, Stamford

[email protected]

RMA is proud to offer many options for gay and lesbian couples who are serious about starting a family. Our specialists balance the most advanced treatments with compassionate personalized care.

Call us for a consultation.We’re here to help.

Ten fingers. Ten Toes. One Family.

PP issue 6

Documents

Transcript of PP issue 6