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By William Ury

Team: Mohammad Asad, Catherine Broumley, Ralph Page, Linda Vicari

Getting Past No

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Overview – Get Past NO!

• We already now know the importance and frequency of negotiations

• We want to get to yes, but often we need to get past “NO” first.


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Overview – Cooperation

• What if other party does not want to cooperate?– Attacks/Counterattacks– Anger/Suspicion– Habit of hard bargaining– Interests appearing

irreconcilable– Efforts of intimidation


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Overview- Solution = Joint Problem SolvingDescription

• A method that is SOFT on the PEOPLE and HARD on the PROBLEM.

• Instead of attacking each other, attack the problem.

• Instead of glowering across the table, you sit next to each other and face the problem.


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Overview- Joint Problem Solving Basic Principles

• Revolves around interests instead of positions.• Identify each parties interests• Explores different options for meeting interests• Goal is to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement

in an efficient and amicable way.


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Overview- Joint Problem Solving Benefits

• Better results for both sides.• Save time and energy by cutting out posturing.• Better working relationships – mutual future benefit


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Overview – Joint Problem SolvingSteps


Your challenge is to change the game from face-to-face confrontation into

side-by-side problem solving

Use “Breakthrough” strategy to pass by obstacles that stand in your way

Goal is to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement in an efficient and amicable way

Be prepared and map out a way towards an agreement

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Overview- Get Past NO!


Strategy: Breakthrough Negotiation

Barriers to Cooperation

The Goal: Joint Problem Solving

1. Go to the Balcony Your Reaction People Sitting Side by Side2. Step to Their Side Their Emotion

3. Reframe Their Position Facing the Problem

4. Build Them a Golden Bridge Their Dissatisfaction Reaching a Mutually Satisfactory Agreement5. Use Power to Educate Their Power

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Prologue – Be Prepared

• The secret of effective negotiation is to be prepared.

– Prepare before every meeting

– After meeting assess strategy and prepare again


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Prologue – Be PreparedMap Out the Way to an Agreement


1. Interests2. Options3. Standards4. Alternatives5. Proposals

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Prologue – Rehearse


Preparation is easier to do when you’re talking it over with someone else. Others bring new perspectives, compel you to address points of difficulty you might otherwise avoid, and offer moral encouragement. Consider:

• What you will say• How you will respond to what they

say• Other side’s tactics

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Chapter 1: Don’t React – Go To The Balcony








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• Striking Back– Occurs when a person is attacked and

attacks back• Giving In

– Opposite of striking back; you may be so uncomfortable that you just want out of the situation

• Breaking Off– Ending all ties with the other party


Chapter 1: Acting Without Thinking—Natural Reaction

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• Dangers of Reacting


Chapter 1: Reaction

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• Go to the Balcony


Chapter 1: Reaction

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Three Kinds of Tactics

• Stonewalls– Refusal to budge

• Attacks– Pressure and intimidation

• “Do it, or else!”• Tricks

– Dupe you into giving in by taking advantage of you


Chapter 1: Three Kinds of Tactics

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• Recognize the Tactic– Once you recognize the attempt to stone wall,

attack or trick you, it will be much easier to avoid giving in to the other party

• Identify Liars– You can do this by paying attention to facial

expressions, body language and listening to tone of voice


Chapter 1: Name the Game

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• Know your hot buttons– Learn to better deal with them– Identify and prepare for criticism


Chapter 1: Hot Buttons

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• 3 ways to get more time in a negotiation– Pause and Say Nothing– Rewind the Tape– Take a timeout

• Divert from topic by using a joke


Chapter 1: Time to Think

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• Don’t make Important decisions on spot


Chapter 1: Decision Time

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• The natural human response in a difficult situation is to react.

• Going to the balcony can help you prepare by identifying tactics, liars and knowing your hot buttons in addition to buying yourself time to think, reflect and verify with the other party that you have a good understanding of the situation without making decisions on the spot.


Chapter 1: Getting What You Want!!

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Chapter 2: Don’t Argue – Step To Their Side








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• Just as “going to the balcony” helps you regain your mental balance, “step(ping) to their side will help you do the same for the other party.

• Common mistake is to try to reason with someone that is not receptive. – The other party is convinced they are right and

unwilling to listen.

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Challenge is to create a favorable climate in which you can negotiate.

• Will need to disarm their hostile emotions– In order to get them to hear you– To garner a measure of respect

• SURPRISE them and do the opposite of what they expect by Stepping To Their Side

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• Stepping to their side means doing 3 things:

1. Listening2. Acknowledging3. Agreeing

• By doing these three things you are essentially acknowledging them as a person.

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Chapter 2: Listen Actively


• “Effective Negotiators Listen Far More Than They Talk”• Parties feel as other party is not listening - Usually because one

second party presents their position without acknowledging what the first party said.

Give the Other Side a Hearing• People get satisfaction from voicing their feelings

and resentments– Will become less reactive, more rational, more

responsive to problem solving negotiation• Listen instead of reacting or plotting next step

Paraphrase and Ask for Corrections• Prove you listened by repeating back what you

understood.• Other side feels they are understood and has the

satisfaction of correcting you.

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Chapter 2: Acknowledge Their Point


Acknowledging their point will fulfill the need to be recognized. It does not mean you agree with it, but that you recognize it is a valid point among others.

• Example: “You Have A Point There”

Acknowledge Their Feelings• Disarm them by first letting them know you understand how they feel.

Offer an Apology- It is a powerful form of acknowledgement• If not your fault, then apologize for your share• Can set in motion a process of reconciliation if other party also apologizes for their

share.

Project Confidence – As you acknowledge them• Use reasonable expressions• Adopt a calm, confident posture and tone

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Chapter 2: Agree Whenever You Can


It will be hard for the other party to attack someone that agrees with them.

Agree Without Conceding• Focus on issues you already agree • Look for any opportunity to agree – even if only in

humorous way

Accumulate Yeses- A powerful tool to disarm the other side• Look for occasions where you can say “yes” without making a concession• Can transform an antagonistic argument into a reasoned one• Creates atmosphere where they are more likely to say yes to a substantive proposal

Tune Into Their Wavelength– Agreement can also be non verbal• Observe and match other party’s form in delivering the content and try to match it.

– Tone of voice, Speed, Gestures• Be aware of other party’s culture• Consider the sensory language they use when responding

– If they say “Listen to this,” respond with “I hear you.”

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Chapter 2: Acknowledge the Person


By doing these three things you are in fact acknowledging them as people. You are showing them respect.

Acknowledge Their Authority and Competence – disarms other side• A person who’s ego needs stroking is dependent on recognition of others.• Use a phrase such as “I respect your authority”

Build a Working Relationship• Invite them to do something outside of work – coffee, lunch, drinks, etc.• Make small talk before the negotiation• Other party will give you benefit of doubt• Best to start before problems arise

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Chapter 2: Express Your Views – Without Provoking


After listening actively it is your turn to act and get your views across. Need to do this without making them close their ears.

Don’t Say “But,” Say “Yes…And”- More Receptive Towards This• Other party can perceive it as you telling them they are wrong• Instead, you should first acknowledge their view with a “yes” and preface

your own with an “and”

Make “I” Statements, Not “You” Statements• Less likely to provoke other side if you speak about yourself rather than

them• You statements can cause the other party to become defensive

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Chapter 2: Express Your Views – Without Provoking


Stand Up For Yourself• Acknowledgement is more powerful coming from someone perceived of as

strong and confident instead of weak• Acknowledge the person’s views and stand up for your own

Acknowledge Your Differences with Optimism• Express optimism in believing your differences can be resolved

• Example: “I think we can make a deal here”

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Conclusion


Negotiations are common in everyday life and even more so in the business world. A company can benefit greatly by Implementing Getting Past No into their culture.

Ideas on how companies can incorporate Getting Past No:

• Initial human resources training and management training

• Pay special attention to the detailed examples in the book

• Preparation is key. Methods must be practiced before hand

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Sources


Ury, William (1991). Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations. Bantam Books. ISBN 0-553-37131-2.

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