Positive Relationships with Students, Staff, and SelfBrian WyzlicCardinal Mooney Catholic High School@brianwyzlic on Twitter

Whats this all about?Positive RelationshipsWith StudentsWith Co-workersWith YourselfReasons whyTips and StrategiesIm not offended if you leave!Youll miss the cake

There are a lot of other good sessions going on right now! Jeff Anderson, Kristin McIlhagga, Lisa Papademetriou, Gary Schmidt, Jerzy Drozd, Erica Beaton, Ryan Hipp. . .thanks for being here, but Ill understand if you leave.2

The Case for Relationships

The Case for Relationships

Penny Kittle. Who has walls of books in her classroom. And guest speakers. And notebooks galore. And methods. And curriculum. And experience. And expertise. Yet relationships are the most important condition.4

The Case for Relationships

Ever try to build a house on a shaky foundation? Not to get too biblical, but house on sand v. house on rock? You need a good foundation.5

The Case for Relationships

Thats a mic drop. Do we not want our students to learn? Significant things?6

Still Not Convinced?

Anecdotal Evidence Time!

Noelle. I met her before last school year for summer boot camp. She said, I dont read. She didnt end her sentence, though she thought she did, so I finished her sentence for her: yet. I went all Barney Stinson on her: Challenge accepted! She was skeptical. I gave her a few books to try. She didnt touch them. I kept working, joking around with her, engaging her through exciting teaching methods, asking her to be honest with her own learning and assessing her own knowledge. I trusted her to be in charge of her learning. I gave her a few more books. She chose one, and got to page 2. She hated it. I told her, fine. Put it down and get another. She was flabbergasted. She can just stop? So I gave her another. She made it to page 10. And then stopped again. Now, at this point, Im worried shell just never finish a book. But I trusted her. So I gave her a few more. She chose one, and read it. And she read the whole thing. And then she read another. And another. And now, shes read 50 books in a year and a half. She never would have done this if she hadnt read 10 pages. She never wouldve done that if she hadnt read 2 pages. But. Lets really go to the catalyst. She never would have even opened the cover on a book if she didnt have a positive relationship with me. Otherwise, Im just another teacher whos going to try to get her to do something she doesnt want to do.Yesterday, she was saying shell miss having me as a teacher. I asked her why, and she talked about my personality. Okay. But my goal isnt to be her friend; its to teach her. So I asked her what she learned. I was expecting her to say the things I was teaching her: how to write a good thesis, how to analyze an argument, how to find things to read and read well. Nope. She said she learned how to function as a social creature. She learned how to manage conversations. She learned how to open up and be a part of class discussions. She learned how important it is to read, and the benefits that reading can bring.8

Want Some Non-Anecdotal Research?

Notice the high school students. Elementary teachers understand this! But its just as true for elementary students as it is for high school students.9

Want Some More?

Academic AND social development. Because students are not just brains! They are complete people!10

If Youre Keeping Track

But dont take my quotes from others for it

Easy There, Killer

Note: AS HUMAN BEINGS. Do we trust them to make mistakes, like humans do? Do we trust them to make good and bad decisions, as humans do? Do we value them as members of our community? Do we respect them simply because they are a person in our care?16

Complete people! We dont teach brains. We dont teach buckets to be filled. We teach human beings, who are academic, spiritual, emotional, physical beings. And we teach all aspects of this!17

It Starts with Us!

Think About It This Way

Trust your students. In some cirumstances, it is better to gain their trust than to call them out for lying. Does it really matter if they lost their pencil or if they just forgot it? Give them one anyway. Dont let them walk over you. But extend some trust to them. Have high expectations not just academically, but behaviorally. Stop assuming theyre always lying or always trying to manipulate you. But notice when that is happening, and call them out on it APPROPRIATELY.22

What About Humor? I Hear Humor is Important.

Remember: many people who think theyre funnyarent.24

But We Might Know All That

Your Fellow Teachers

Ugh! Even that teacher who does _________?

But Really. Thats Hard. How?

What Do You Mean?

All these things we hold important and even sacred to our identities as teachers is less important than the respect we give our fellow human beings.31

But Dont We All Need to Use Best Practices?

Research.

Yes. They Didnt Like It.

Did you just throw it at them, or were you gentle and respectful?34

Scenario

Which Works Best?

Remember This Guy?

Correct Answer

The best way to help your co-workers be open to discussing teaching methods is not by discussing teaching methods. Its by building a relationship with them.39

So Im Just Supposed to Let Them Continue in Their Incorrect Ways?

Theyre a certified professional teacher! Theyre not actively harming their students if they do something you disagree with.40

41

What can we do to help our students learn [concept]?

I do [this method you disagree with].

Ive heard of that. It wont work for me. What else?

[thanks for telling me my methods are crap]

What can we do to help our students learn [concept]?

I do [this method you disagree with].

Tell me about that. How does it work for you?

[explanation]

Remember the Goal

Take the steps to build trust, and any change, if its really the best for the students, will come.48

Thats All About Sharing Pedagogy?

Whoa.

We cant often choose who we work with. We CAN choose our attitude towards those we work with.52

I Try. Theres That One Who Wont Come Around

Again: Use Humor. Right?

Jeff Anderson talked about this in his session this morning.56

I dont know what someone means by an eye roll if I dont know them. So I assume the worst: sarcastic, mean, belittling. If I know them and I understand their humor, its all good! I know theyre just joking. Or if theyre not.58

Its the new people. Its not understanding anyones personality. Its not knowing how to joke or how to interpret the subtle things we do all the time.59

Word Choice

Such a throw-away phrase. Meant to unite. But what if you DONT know what the speaker is talking about? You feel left out. You feel like you SHOULD know, but you dont, and now youve got your insecurities and imposter syndrome creeping up.Even if your next words are let me tell you about him, youve pushed them away a bit and made them feel lesser because they werent in the know.61

If you exclude one, youve probably excluded another. It only takes 23 people to have a 50% chance of a match. Almost 90% at 40. With 70 people, its 99.9%.63

Human beings are full of infinite possibilities. They change and evolve. If we exclude someone, we have literally excluded an infinite number of possibilities.64

The tech guy working this set of rooms said thank you, sir every time we interacted. And you know what? It helped. I didnt need his help, and he didnt need anything from me; but just saying that to each other gives us a positive feeling towards each other.66

Okay. Positive Relationships with Students and Co-workers. Got it.

No. Thats It. Theres No One Else.

But Im Busy!

Do You Have an MLA Citation for That?

I dont know what this looks like for you. Find your thing. Mine is reading, my drive home (dont tell my wife), drumming, and beer and whiskey.74

But Seriously. Im Busy.

Poe Project: students ask me if Im enjoying my bonus prep hour.76

Wait. Common Best Practices?

You will find that the work you do becomes joyful because it comes from a place of enjoyment and peace.78

Okay. THATS Everyone, Right?