WHAT IS BEHAVIOR?

Behavior is how all animals communicate

Dogs wag their tails when they’re happy

Cats hiss and scratch when they’re angry

Babies cry when they’re hungry

REALITY

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BLUE”. There will always be a trigger, even if

it’s an internal emotional state that we can’t

see.

ALL BEHAVIOR SERVES A PURPOSE

BEHAVIOR is an ACTION . . . It is measureable

. . . It is how we get our needs met

When the dog wags his tail, it is fed and loved.

When the cat hisses, it is left alone.

When a baby cries, it is fed or diapered.

THE BEHAVIOR (the Action) GETS REINFORCED (by the Re-Action to it).

REINFORCING BEHAVIOR

When we ADD something TO a behavior, we are

REINFORCING IT (Making it Stronger). We are increasing the chances that it will occur again.

When a monkey is given a treat for performing a trick,

he is more likely to repeat the trick.

HE LINKS HIS BEHAVIOR TO THE REWARD

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Have you ever asked your child to do

something and then failed to reward him with

praise when he completes the task? What

incentive does he have to repeat this behavior?

REINFORCING BEHAVIOR

The Same Goes for Unwanted Behaviors

When we ADD something TO a behavior, we are

REINFORCING IT.

We are increasing the chances that it will occur again.

So. . . If the monkey attacks his trainer and is given the

same treat,

HE LINKS THIS BAD BEHAVIOR TO THE REWARD

Long-Term

Goal:

If your child is receiving positive attention

from his peers for being a class clown, they

are reinforcing his negative behavior.

REINFORCING BEHAVIOR

AND SO . . .

If your child throws a tantrum for a candy bar in

the store and

you give him the candy bar . . .

He will link the tantrum to the reward

He has learned a new behavior that got

his needs met and you just increased the

chances that he will tantrum again.

Long-Term

Goal: The longer you allow your child to be

rewarded for negative behavior, the longer

it will take to teach him a new, replacement

behavior.

BEHAVIOR IS LEARNED

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU NEED TO

REMEMBER IS:

“ONLY GIVE ATTENTION TO THOSE

BEHAVIORS YOU WANT

REPEATED.”

Long-Term

Goal:

One of our goals as parents should be to

make sure that our children understand the

importance of using appropriate behaviors

to get their needs met.

BEHAVIOR IS LEARNED

KIDS AREN’T BORN WITH GOOD

BEHAVIORS

Adults need to teach them appropriate behaviors

This is called “socialization” and all cultures socialize children

to:

Respect Adults, Interact with Peers, and Control Impulses

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It’s really important to learn how to separate bad

behavior from the personal identity of the child.

Try to give the message: “I’m upset by your

behavior – not you as a person who is still

learning right from wrong.”

Considering what we’ve learned so far,

it would be logical to assume

that the best way to teach positive behaviors

is to use reinforcement and rewards.

You’re right, but there is a big difference between a Bribe

and a Reward

ARE YOU BRIBING OR REWARDING? REALITY

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BRIBE VS. REWARD

B R I B E

- Promising reinforcement before

the expected behavior occurs.

- Increases the chances that the

expected behavior will NOT be

repeated.

- Child learns how to manipulate.

“If you give me a cookie, I’ll

clean my room.”

- Child learns that he doesn’t

need to take responsibility for

his own behavior.

R E W A R D

- Reinforcement is given only if

the expected behavior occurs.

- Increases the chances that the

expected behavior WILL be

repeated.

- Child learns to be proud of his

own behavior.

- Child learns to take ownership

of his own behavior.

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You might want to consider removing the

phrase “I’ll make you a deal” from your

vocabulary. If you don’t, you run the risk of

being viewed as a weak negotiator instead

of a parent who’s in charge.

REWARDS = REINFORCEMENT

If we want to increase the chances a positive behavior

becomes LEARNED and is REPEATED . . .

We MUST GIVE IT ATTENTION!

(Attach it to a REWARD)

A REWARD DOESN’T HAVE TO BE MONETARY

But it MUST be:

- Administered quickly

- Linked directly to the desired behavior you want repeated

Long-Term

Goal: As children mature, EXTERNAL rewards

(candy or praise) will be replaced with

INTERNAL rewards (feeling good about

themselves for behaving well.)

REWARDS = REINFORCEMENT

Studies have shown that children gain more pride

from

VERBAL PRAISE

than they do from material rewards

HUGS ARE FREE!

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Are you in touch with your child’s favorite way of

being rewarded? He may prefer a “fist bump”

instead of a hug.

VERBAL PRAISE – BE SPECIFIC AND

PERSONAL

G O O D

- “Nice Job.”

- “Thanks for helping.”

- “I’m proud of you.”

B E T T E R - “I really like the way you

put your laundry away.”

- “I couldn’t have done it without your help.”

- “You put a lot of hard work into improving these grades..”

Think of the last time you used verbal praise. How

could you have been more specific and

personalized?

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REWARDS = REINFORCEMENT

Remember potty-training?

As soon as your child did what

was expected, you praised him.

If you’d waited two hours later to praise

him – “Oh, by the way. Nice job

using the potty” – he may have

never mastered this learned behavior.

Remember - The faster a reward or praise

is delivered after a behavior, the better

chance it has of being repeated.

REWARDS = REINFORCEMENT

Along the same lines,

you probably didn’t praise your child

for wetting his pants.

And yet . . .

Many times, we reinforce and reward unwanted behaviors we do NOT want repeated.

WE GIVE ATTENTION TO UNWANTED BEHAVIOR

REWARDS = REINFORCEMENT

You may have not given into

a tantrum in the grocery store,

But . . . Did you stop for ice cream on the way

home?

YOU ACCIDENTALLY REWARDED BAD BEHAVIOR

BECAUSE IT WAS GIVEN TOO CLOSE TO THE MISDEED.

Your child says she’s sick and can’t go to

school, but you suspect she’s faking. She has

a fun day running errands with you and baking

cookies.

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CATCH ‘EM BEING GOOD

One of the best ways to increase positive

behaviors (and increase the chances they’ll be

repeated) is to be on the look-out for them.

THEN, GIVE THOSE BEHAVIORS

LOTS OF ATTENTION.

For some reason, parents seem hard-wired to

only see the bad things kids do. Try to turn

things around by seeing the good.

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CATCH ‘EM BEING GOOD

There is ALWAYS something you can find that

kids do right.

It might not be big, but it’s there, if you look hard

enough.

“Thank you for not slamming the door.”

None of us are happy ALL the time or sad all

the time. Same with kids. They’re not bad

ALL the time. Give attention to the times

they’re behaving well.

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CATCH ‘EM BEING GOOD

At the laundromat: “You’re doing a great

job of staying busy on your iPad while I’m

folding laundry. That’s a big help to me.”

After school: “Nice job hanging up your

coat without me reminding you. You’re

really growing up.”

Remember to use specific praise. In the

example above, if you’d waited until you were

in the car on the way home from the

laundromat to say, “Good Job”, it’s too little

too late. It’s not specific either.

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DON’T GIVE UP

Reversing bad behavior takes time. Your child didn’t

learn unwanted behaviors overnight and they’re not

going to get rid of them overnight.

- Only give attention to those behaviors

you want repeated,

- Catch ‘em being good,

- Use praise and rewards, and

- Be consistent.

No one is a perfect parent. You’re learning new

skills and all new skills take practice.

Be kind to yourself.

I hope this presentation has been helpful.

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