Portfolio - Hello Poem

8/4/2019 Portfolio - Hello Poem

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Sean Grundy MA Creative Writing Page i

Table of Contents

Poem 1Context (Located within the Final Version Folder) ................................................................ 1

Poem 2Day One (Located within the Final Version Folder) .............................................................. 3

Poem 3Day Two (Located within the Final Version Folder).............................................................. 5

Poem 4Day Three (Located within the Final Version Folder)............................................................ 7

Poem 5Day Four (Located within the Final Version Folder) ............................................................. 9

Poem 6 Day Five (Located within the Final Version Folder) .............................................................. 13

Poem 7Day Six (Located within the Final Version Folder).............................................................. 18

Poem 8Day Seven (Located within the Final Version Folder) ......................................................... 21

Development Document for Hello Poems ............................................................................................ 23

Proposal ............................................................................................................................................ 23

Planning Questions ........................................................................................................................... 25

Rhythm ............................................................................................................................................. 26

Mood................................................................................................................................................. 26

Structure ........................................................................................................................................... 26

Poem 1 .......................................................................................................................................... 26

Poem 2 .......................................................................................................................................... 27

Poem 3 & 4 .................................................................................................................................... 28

Poem 5 .......................................................................................................................................... 28

Poem 6 .......................................................................................................................................... 29

Interaction between Poem 5 & 6 .................................................................................................. 29

Challenging for Completion ............................................................................................................. 30

Poem Development ............................................................................................................................... 31

Poem 1 .............................................................................................................................................. 32

Poem 2 .............................................................................................................................................. 37

Poem 3 & 4 ....................................................................................................................................... 44

Poem 5 .............................................................................................................................................. 49


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Sean Grundy MA Creative Writing Page ii

Poem 6 .............................................................................................................................................. 55

Poem 7 .............................................................................................................................................. 62

Poem 8 .............................................................................................................................................. 70

Nightfall Stanza ................................................................................................................................ 70


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Sean Grundy MA Creative Writing Page 1

Poem 1Context

Virgin tarmac

leather clad cab

brace of BMWs sat

purring in silence

each one of two halves

lions perched

A landing gallery

lit crystal centrally

canvass fake Monet

at the head of the breast

accented by swirls

magnolia the rest

Success reaps five bedrooms

two master en suites

fitted kitchen diner

a prized centre piece

halls domestic highway

channel the nouveau riche

Dyson arrives each Saturday

coasters sit symmetrically

when a pin drops its a library

a museum hall more specifically


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its not a nested tree

nor a home for three

Champagne aperitif

almond digestif

Remi snow-capped evening

reaps careless revelry

passion producing patter

despair and disbelief

Exchanging child care

importing cheap au pair

exchange rates brought demise

import P forty five

exchanging cheap au pair

importing parent care

Like ninja

Frost assumes control

Makes stalagmite grass

Makes nail bed


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Poem 2Day One

Baby cries

mother lies

alarm tries

to shake awake the dead

yet instead

offers more pain

to Gail who doesnt sleep

to Harry as he weeps

mummy

he cannot say her name

Baby lies

mother cries

alarm dies

forgotten, foreboding

exposing

neglect and shame

an oath she couldnt keep

distraught in disbelief

mummy

mummy never came


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Baby cries

mother lies

daddy sighs

exiled to pay the debt

gets upset

leery of Gail

her face no perfect lie

sad smiles lament goodbye

daddy

living gets more travail

Baby cries

mother tries

shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy

Harrys arms complain

no milk, blue bloodshot eyes

tot fat, lost waif in size

daddy

mummy is not the same

Car bonnet

Draws frozen heart

Shrinking to kidney

To pea


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Poem 3Day Two

Wall shattered plate

Venom angered state

Frustration

Blinds lapping tight

Lack social appetite

Isolation

Pure airborne pearl

Prize shot put twirl

Raging Bull

Split baked bean can

Blood stained pan

Affliction

No verdurous face

No swan like grace

Demeaning

Black eyes well deep

Slate walls that creep

Distressful


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Digital hands

Rotate slothfully

Beyond 00:00

Fatigued


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Poem 4Day Three

Mono tooth bite

Skin fed cot mite

Frustration

Discarded silk

Disparate ilk

Isolation

Yelling bantam

Lacking balsam

Raging Bull

Four finger brand

Fresh crimson hand

Affliction

Cattle clad scent

Wastefuel spent

Demeaning

Bloated red cheeks

Wine-legged tear streaks

Distressful


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Red faced sun

Tagged moon

Elbows on rope

Exhausted


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Poem 5Day Four

Fifteen Years of

company service

I get passed out in

pain with a

scarred

split

swollen cervix

a gift of

blood and

shitty nappies

Shut up

I have only just started

Im left with bags like

Billys circus

cramps

ODing on

prescription circles

but just like you they

abuse me

I cant cure it

Get off me

I said

I dont even

give a shit

I cant even


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look at it

nor do I wish to

sit and cuddle

this

Shut up shut up

I cannot think

You never asked me

how I felt

its you and you your

bloody self

again you asked me to

concede

to love you with my

breast

to feed

A Pinch

wont force apology

A Smack

wont sit you

quietly

but to harm has proved

good relief

as I flood

my grief

alone


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No Barry to count

the days the nights

your rotting bags of

baby sick and

soiled sheets

because

youre weak

when you sleep

You

foul

filthy

naughty boy

before you start

your crying hearts

my knackered dream

because you see

I wanted more than

seven pounds

of ginger boy

with skin too fair

to cope

with British

summer warmth


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I kid you not

I will start to

shake

Ill shake and shake

until you see

your life

Its affecting me

Barn bats

Bat black

Catch moth

Hang

Gail hated not

this

Harry child

but hated chance

circumstance

no time

no question

no reconciliation

mummy hated not

her

Harry child


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Poem 6 Day Five

Harry cannot

understand

mummys mood

her ranting feud

woven straps around his

wrist

hes less than one

Silent digits pluck at

hate

scratch despair from

black

finger hope from tight

knot

its all but gone

Rubbing red anger from

blue eyes

tearing frustration from

ginger locks

clawing out life in strips of

skin

Harrys consolation


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Sometimes a little

refugee

a sailor lost away at

sea

an innocent

a prisoner

chained

solitary

A questioning brow

shepherds vibration

sensing variation

virtuous

vile

hes almost one

Snail tracks slalom

on his chin

blight ridden vest

continuum

delta ceasing

merging

homogenising


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The pain of pinch

reality

Harrys tear-delta

floods towns

to sea

killing family

Gentle tap

forearm smash

ear-side clap

full face slap

theyre all

smack

are all

same

Harry tried

not

to be the same

not to cry

expressing

pain

not to

drown folks

in Delta-town


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He couldnt

help

he couldnt

stop

pressure too great

mummys

clop

fell on his back

and then

again

He shouted out to

everyone

he

shouted out

until shed

gone

until shed

reasoned

Im his mum


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Ginger Hunter

Trots to pounce

Eyeballs marble

Voracious

Gail stood

shadowing

her arms

crane before

key

she tore

straps

tenderly interrupting

Harrys cry


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Poem 7Day Six

Sun beams

spectrums of light

carry love

carry life

Charging electrons

excite plasma

explode colour

vibrate paper

Laptops provide

flight

hotel

embrace

Orbiting satellite

transporting daddy

forming family

creating chance

True lips spill truth

pain purges to a bellow

releasing

cleansing


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Grief in transit

disfigures copper

tearing

bleeding

Guilt chokes the air

straw sucks a marble

stretching

warping

Honesty a catalyst for

cataclysm

scales of depression

ease anticlockwise

Compassionate Brian

hope

help

happiness

Anxious Brian

heartache

helplessness

horror


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Hundred watt

Moon illuminates

White cliffs

Hope

Plague like

riddled

cotton sore

peeled away

before

running taps

pour water

not too hot

elbows gauged


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Poem 8Day Seven

Doorstep cream

lifts silver

rolled headlines

embed plastic

Brians mothers eyes

demist

nostril

steamed

glass

Grey purple

veined hand

shields sunlight

grey purple

veined other

calls

rrrat a tat

tat

Wise plumage

steady bough

embraces Gail

clown

less paint


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Himalayan black

fluxes

raw and painful

pure and shameful

life

Liver spotted

melanin

stained hands

pilot

half inch

red silicone

implants

Tickling Salmon

scooping

embracing

reassuring

Harry


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Development Document for Hello Poems

Proposal

Module Production & Creativity

Genre Poetry

Title Hello

The Plot Baby Harry is left to fend for himself as his Mother deals withPost Natal Depression. The [happy] family are signed off by the

health visitor leaving Harry vulnerable and unaware of

impending change.

Setting Wealthy suburbia, middle class neighbourhood, a BMW family,career driven husband and wife, Christmas and Birthdays

devoid of contribution due to a buy any time life style. Husband Barry works away on the oil rigs; 4 weeks on 4 weeks

off

Wife Gail a Finance Director of a fledgling retail businessBackground A The Overzealous Christmas spirit of 2008 gifted them Harry,

the cutest, chubbiest, curliest ginger haired and green eyed boy

you could imagine.

The overzealous Christmas spirit of 2008 gifted Gail and Barry,disappointment, dismay, fear and doubt.

Autumn 2009 for Gail and Barry was, cloudy, dark, andthunderous; with no sunshine forecast.

Autumn for Harry was, bright, new, full of colour, shapesmoved and when he touched he felt. His world was no longer a

warm pool it was a cold wide open and frightening place.

Christmas of 2009 for Gale was lonely and impossible.Ambition To raise the point that PND is a condition that affects all social

classes.

Illustrate how the condition can change lives. Create a piece of work that leaves the reader, concerned, caring,


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wanting to reach out and finally wondering.

Structure Scene setting Poem 7 poems giving a daily account of life from Harrys perspective

in what became the worst week of his life.

Yet to decide Stanza and Metre design. see elegiac couplets

Poem 1 Suburbia description

Poem 2 First day, introducing the plight of Harry, Gail and Barry.

Poem 3 Second day based on Mum Gails experiences and feelings written

in descriptors that are poignant and provoking.

Poem 4 Third day describing Baby Harrys experience, conditions and

feelings written in descriptors that are poignant and provoking.

Poem 5 Forth day focussing on paranoiac anger of the situation but raising

concern about resultant abuse that arises.

Poem 6 Fifth day where we get to understand [from Harrys perspective]

Harrys plight. I would like this to reflect how he interacts with the

situation and surroundings. This will be difficult as he cannot talk

and so a subtly different approach to poem 5 will be necessary.

Poem 7 Sixth day is for light to enter the situation and allow the family to

recognise there is a problem and reach out for help.

Poem 8 A conclusion poem that [without repeating issues] seeks to

underline the difficulty of PND but introduces help, support

networks and the happy ending that is waiting. Let this be through

the experience of the family.


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Planning Questions

How long will the reader remain engaged for due to the subject matter? How long can I engage the reader for and what do I need to get right to achieve this? How shall I manage the mood and emotional tug-of-war so as not to switch the reader off? What scansion is best to support the flow? How shall I denote the passage of time

o Do I use same per stanza? Shall I use parenting activities for aspect of a poem? Are the poems only by day or are some at night? How can I use different poems to punctuate the work? How many stanzas per poem shall I use, fixed, variable, mood dependant? Shall I include actual baby sounds into the lines, what is the challenge here? Will it work writing from Harrys perspective?

o A baby has limited vocabulary.o Good for emotional pull if done well.

Should it be written as an observer reporting back?o Full ability to construct understanding and the emotional battle

How do I form shape arft from this work and display all poems side by side? Can I write a statement that define and capture the work and where each word represents that poem, the

word itself becoming a title for the poem?

Can some of the poems work as punctuations in the defining sentence?


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Rhythm

The rhythm of this work will be derived from the mood created by the words and the structure of the stanza. It is

vital that I get these exactly right to ensure the reader engages in the work and has a desire to read to the end.

MoodThe graph below attempts to illustrate a number of credible options for the emotional mood of the work and

anticipated emotional reflection of the reader. It is important not to switch off the reader because the mood is too

dark or not reflective of the subject matter. It is not my intention to depress the reader not to make light of the

issues raised and plight of the family.

The most credible to write around is the, Captured Decline, which, if written and structured correctly, should

pull the reader into a fast emotional concern, causing them to need to find out how the family are (i.e. continue

to read more even though they may not be comfortable with the subject). Hope follows as the decline is

managed over two poems, if you like punctuating the fall, offering re-assurance to the reader until, what could,

be an unexpected turn puls the reader to a more negative emotional feeling. The work should finish on a

credible, although negative, position that is stable. I aim to leave the reader with concern but hope for the family

-5

-4

-3

-2

-1

01

2

3

4

5

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

IndicativeEmotional

Direction

Stanza

Mood Options - Hello

Progressive Decline Captured Decline Harsh Decline Most Postive Outcome

StructureI will use varied scansion for the phases of the story to adjust pace and emphasise the words in order to control

the emotional volume of the phases of the work.

Poem 1

6 line stanza with no set rhyming pattern or set scansion


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Poem 2

I have proposed a mainly short syllable scansion to create impact and pace. With respect to pace there are

significant changes as I attempt to pull and pull the reader like the sea rolling in and out on the beach.

Line syllables scanison aim

L1

L2

L3

4 uu| uu A Short blunt and sharp introduction to engage the

reader, slapping them around the cheeks.

L4 6 Stanza 1 & 3

uu| uu| uu

Stanza 2 & 4

uU| uU

Stanza 1&3 scanison aims to trot the reader into L5

from the blunt start with the aim that despite the

context there is a lift in the mood (however, this lift

is false and only as a result of the pattern)

Stanza 2&4 do not afford the same lift as 1 & 3 but

aims to develop a more thought provoking pattern

that emphasises the message of L3 and sets a

platform for L5.

L5 4 -U Acts as punctuation itself, a comma in the follow.

Also the aim here is to create a standstill with

which to pull the reader from and into the moving,

emotional message of the remainder of the Stanza.

L6 4 U| U Another quick pace but have been flexible with

pace of the syllables accepting the challenge of

forcing unsuitable words and that long syllables

can also deliver pace.

L7

L8

6 U| U| U Hopefully I will use short syllables here to give a

fast pace that will almost contradict the message of

the line but will leave the reader boxed as the

emotional words are read.

L9 2 uu Here I am trying to create a colon with a single pair

of short syllables, this will hopefully underline and

bold the word that sets up the final message.

L10 6 -UU I have opted for a long syllable followed by 2 short

(where possible) to prolong a defining message on

the last line aiming to leave the reader

contemplating the words.


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Poem 3 & 4

These will need to be fast pace, faster than poem 1, to effectively pull the reader yet again, getting key messages

across without delay. Each should consist of a single stanza [mainly of descriptors] and have no more than ten

lines. Da da da da, da da da da, dadada could work giving a scansion;

line scanison Aim

L1 uu| uu|

L2 uu| uu|

L3 uuu Profound and prolonging the descriptor

L4 uu| uu|

L5 uu| uu|

L6 uuu

L7 uu| uu|

L8 uu| uu|

L9 uuu

Poem 5

This needs to be a tempo higher than the previous three and one with a structure that can support an argument

style of lyric,

Perhaps

Daa da da | daa da da,| (-| -U) or

da da da da da (uu uu u)

and


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daa da da da da| daa da da da (- uu uu| - uu u) or

da da da da da (uu uu u)

I will try to develop 2 stanzas that have 12 lines each

This is the emotional low of the work and will need thought provoking pattern and will finish with a 3 rd stanza

of slow, mainly long syllable words to conclude a spiralling journey.

Result

I am concerned that the work may fail itself if every poem is one thats descriptive and structured . When I came

to develop poem 5 the work was in danger of suffering from repetition, the same aspects described in different

ways.

I was also concerned about the lack of personality and how I get the reader to connect, positively or negatively,with the Mother and Baby. In attempt to keep the work alive and to create relationships I have changed my

approach to both poem 5. I shall write a fast pace ranting tirade that Gail gives, the house, the nursery and

Harry. It will hopefully leave the reader understanding her plight but with questions about the level of neglect

Harry has.

I shall not set a structure or a determined length, I will instead write freestyle as see how I can convert this to

stand not too out of place in the work. In addition to creating relationships between the reader Gail and Harry I

need to be bear in mind the ambition of the mood plot, at this stage the work is still creating a negative mood

and so the lyrics need to reflect this.

Poem 6

If the freestyle approach works for Poem 5 I might repeat this from Harrys perspective, the problem here is

how to achieve the same sense and feeling when Harry cannot speak and whos thoughts will not be conceivably

accurate.

So the challenge is to create a structure [and words] that is again fast pace as we land the mood plot at its lowest

point and I believe for this I will adopt a freestyleperhaps the biggest challenge is the lyrics and how to avoid

repetition whilst progressing the issues, the environment and Harrys wellbeing.

Interaction between Poem 5 & 6

How can I introduce interaction between poems 5 & 6? What I mean is, should there be any physical or verbal

abuse in poem 5 how can I get Harry to react to this at the same place in the Poem or stanza, (e.g. Mummy yells

in poem 5, Harry cries as a result in poem 6)?

This gets particularly tricky if writing in freestyle where the structure doesnt provide regular patterns and

breaks.


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Challenging for Completion

How will I challenge each piece?

I will check each line, couplets, stanza, entire poems and the work in its entirety for

Structure Flow Punctuation Rhyme Sense Clarity versus abstract Engagement Delivering ambitions, as individual poems and as completed work

The challenge will be done as we develop the work in the sections of the document dedicated to each poem.


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Poem Development


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Poem 1Date 30 September 2010

15 October 2010

Piece Hello Poem 1

Ambition

To build a world that is typical of a professional working couple where cash flow raises no concerns. Create an image which you would question whether children had a place, or rather the parents had no time for children. This poem will be used to pivot and pitch the perfect, against the, impossible worlds

Situation Statements

2 working professionals who find themselves expecting an unplanned child. Husband Barry works away Wife Gail was unfortunate to lose her job and thrown into being a full time mum

Work Challenge

Stanza 1.1

Virgin Tar Mac

Leather clad cab

A brace of pearlescent BMW sat

Purring in silence

Each one of two halves

Lions perched, protecting

Virgin Tar Mac

Leather clad cab


Purring in silence


Lions perched

Stanza1.2

A landing gallery

Lit crystal centrally

Faking Monet

At the head of the breast

Accented by swirls

Magnolia the rest

A landing gallery


Canvass fake Monet


Accented by swirls

Magnolia the rest


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Stanza 1.3


Two master on suites

To the west more bathrooms

An upstairs complete

Merge 3&4


Two master on suites

Fitted kitchen diner

A prized centre piece

Hall, a domestic highway

Channels the nouveau riche

Stanza 1.4


A prized centre piece

A hall, domestic motorway

Channels the nouveau riche

Stanza 1.5

The hoover arrives on Wednesday

And every other Saturday

The mower in British summertime

The roses pruned just in time

Merge 5 & 6

Pink Dyson arrives each Saturday

Coasters sit symmetrically

When a pin drops its a library,

a museum hall, but more specifically

its not a nested tree

nor a home for three.

Stanza 1.6


When a pin drops its a library

A museum hall, but its clear to see

There are no signs of family.

Conception & birth

Champagne aperitif

Almond digestive

A Remi snow-capped evening


Passion producing patter

Despair and disbelief

Champagne aperitif

Almond digestive


reaps careless adult revelry

Passion producing patter

Despair and disbelief


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1. Need to have conception &birth

2. Need to have Gail lose her job

3.

Need to hint on the decline inGails mental health

Child care and losing job


Importing cheap au pair

Exchange in market share

Imports P45

Exchanging cheap au pair

Importing home child care.

Or



Exchange in market share

Imports P45

Importing home child care.


or



Exchange rates brought demise

Import P forty fives

Exchanging cheap au pair.

Importing parent care

Date 16 October 2010 Piece Hello Poem 1

Work Challenge

Stanza 1.1

Virgin Tar Mac

Leather clad cab


Purring in silence


Lions perched

Stanza1.2

A landing gallery


Canvass fake Monet


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Accented by swirls

Magnolia the rest

Stanza 1.3

Success reaps five bedrooms,

two master on suites.


a prized centre piece.

Hall, a domestic highway,

channels the nouveau riche.

Stanza 1.4

Dyson arrives each Saturday


When a pin drops its a library,

a museum hall, but more specifically,

its not a nested tree,

nor a home for three.

Stanza 1.5

Champagne aperitif

Almond digestive



Passion producing patter,

despair and disbelief

Stanza 1.6

Importing parent care



Exchange rates brought demise


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Import P forty fives


Stanza 1.7


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Poem 2Date 01 October 2010 Piece Hello Poem 2

Ambition

Create a bounce from blue chip suburbia. Quickly set the scene that all is not well Have the reader concerned for the whole family, but particularly the baby


The first time mother didnt come well called Daddy is working away Mum my is falling ~(emotionally in free fall) Mummy is not communicating well with Daddy Baby is hungry, confused, frightened

Work Challenge

Stanza 2.1

A Mother cries

A Baby lies

Alarm tries

to shake awake the dead,

yet instead-

offers more pain

to Gail who doesnt sleep,

to Harry when he weeps.

Mummy.

He cannot say his name.

Change L1 & 2 around so Baby comes first (for all stanzas.

L3 Alarm works in 2 ways, clock and personal

Change L8 when to as to give a sense of crying now and not just occasionally.

Am I happy with the punctuation in all stanzas?

Does the scansion work?


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Stanza2.2

A Mother lies

A Baby Cries

Alarm dies

forgotten, foreboding,

exposing-

neglect and shame,

an oath she couldnt keep,

distraught in disbelief.

Mummy.

Mummy, never came.

L10 will need a pause after Mummy, to keep the scansion firm.

Stanza 2.3

A Mother Lies

As Baby cries

Daddy sighs


gets upset-

absence he blames,

Gail accumulating tears,

Harry imposing fears.

Daddy.

He cannot see his face

L7 & L8 need to change, the rhythm is wrong and too fast to the point the meaning and

emotion is lost.

L10 not sure if the focus here should be on Daddy, too early. Refocus on Mummy.

Stanza 2.4

A baby cries

A Mother tries

Shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy-

his eyes complain,

no milk, it seems today

no milk, my hunger stays.

Daddy.

Re-write L7&L8, it seems to cheapen the message, amaturise it.

Does it work [almost] repeating the first 2 lines?

What else can?


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My strength is now my pain


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Date 02 October 2010 Poem Hello Poem 2

Work Challenge

Stanza 2.1

A Baby cries

A Mother lies

Alarm tries

to shake; awake the dead,

yet instead

offers more pain


to Harry as he weeps.

Mummy.


Stanza 2.2

A Baby lies

A Mother Cries

Alarm dies


exposing

neglect and shame,



Mummy.

Mummy, never came.

Stanza 2.3

As Baby cries

a Mother lies

Daddy sighs


gets upset,

absence he blames

his Gail, yielding tears

Added young to L8 for balance as spawning has less syllables

The flow from L5 to 6 would benefit from smoothing out as other stanza. (his absence to

blame), would help the pure rhyme with L10 but is an extra syllable.

Not happy


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young Harry, spawning fears.

Daddy.

Mummy is not the same.

Stanza 2.4

A baby cries

A Mother tries

Shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy,

his eyes complain,

no milk; tear swollen eyes

tummies wizen in size.

Daddy.

evil screams drive me insane

L6 to L10 is this lumpy? Does it work?

L8 reflects both Mummy and Baby not eating.

L10 His changed to evil to represent hallucinations and mums state of mind.

Not happy


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Work Challenge

Stanza 2.1

A Baby cries

A Mother lies

Alarm tries

to shake; awake the dead,

yet instead

offers more pain



Mummy.


A Baby cries

A Mother lies

Alarm tries

To shake; awake the dead,

yet instead

offers more pain

to Gail who doesnt sleep,


Mummy.

He cannot say her name.

Stanza 2.2

A Baby lies

A Mother Cries

Alarm dies


exposing

neglect and shame,



Mummy.

Mummy, never came.

A Baby lies

A Mother Cries

Alarm dies

Forgotten, foreboding,

exposing

neglect and shame,



Mummy.

Mummy, never came.

Stanza 2.3

As Baby cries

a Mother lies

Daddy sighs


gets upset,

absence he blames

his Gail, yielding tears

New

As baby cries

A Mother lies

Daddy sighs.

Exiled to pay the debt

Gets upset

Leery of Gail

her face, no perfect lie

As baby cries

A Mother lies

Daddy sighs

Exiled to pay the debt,

gets upset,

leery of Gail,

her face no perfect lie


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young Harry, spawning fears.

Daddy.


Sad smiles lament goodbye

Daddy.

Life gets more travail (living)

Sad smiles lament goodbye

Daddy.

Living gets more travail

Stanza 2.4

A baby cries

A Mother tries

Shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy,

his eyes complain,

no milk; tear swollen eyes

tummies wizen in size.

Daddy.

evil screams drive me insane

A baby cries

A Mother tries

Shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy

Harrys eyes complain

No milk, blue blood shot eyes

Tot wrap, lost waif in size.

Daddy.


A baby cries

A Mother tries

Shock denies

parental sympathy

but apathy

Harrys arms complain

No milk, blue blood shot eyes

Tot fat, lost waif in size.

Daddy.



46/73

Hello


Poem 3 & 4Date 04 October 2010 Poem Hello Poem 3 & 4

Ambition

To pull the reader into deeper emotional turmoil To portray a very sick Mother and a baby in need and at risk To do this quickly, with flashes of images


Day 2 of our week Mother is not sleeping, is becoming a danger to herself The baby isnt being cared for and is neglected

Work Challenge

Poem 3

Too little sleep.

The black, the deep.

Owls hoot.

An airborne pearl.

A shot put whirl.

Raging bull.

A baked been can.

A blooded pan.

Perishable.

Lines 1 and 2 do not work at the level I

need, too obvious as a rhyme, too obvious

yet abstract on line 2.Owls hoot doesnt

work

Perishable is 4 syllables, not uu| uu| uu

not too concerned as I like the context and

inference.

Black eyes, well deep.

Slate walls that creep.

Nocturnal.

Pure airborne pearl.

Prize shot put twirl.

Raging bull.

Split baked bean can.

Poppy stained pan.

Perishable.


47/73

Hello


Poem 3

Happier with this

Open question on Line 3is this right it

should be paranoia ?

Is the coincidental rhyme appropriate L3,6,9?

Are these all too abstract?



Paranoia.

Pure airborne pearl.

Prize shot put twirl.

Raging bull.


Poppy stained pan.

Perishable.

Why dont I mirror the experiences of

Mummy and Baby

Frustration

Isolation

Anger

Harm

Condition

Stressful

Poem 4

Discarded silk

Disparate ilk

Loneliness.

Desperate plea

Empathy he

Invisible

Bloated red cheeks

Wine legs delta streaks

Heart aching

Line 5 is enjambed with 6 and I am not sure

I want the roll on as its read, this is about

short sharp and blunt, although it works in

its own right.

Discarded silk

Disparate ilk

Loneliness.

Cattle clad scent.

Sooty; fuel spent.

Misfortune.

Bloated red cheeks

Wine-legged streaks

Heart aching

Poem 4

Will this work better with in a different order,

say L1-3 becoming L4-6?

How is the scansion supporting the lyrics?

L8 changed to help flow, better sense of

cheeks affected. Removed delta from delta-

streaks

Discarded silk

Disparate ilk

Loneliness.

Cattle clad scent.

Sooty; fuel spent.

Misfortune.

Why dont I mirror the experiences of

Mummy and Baby

Frustration

Isolation

Anger

Harm

Condition


48/73

Hello


Are these all too abstract? Bloated red cheeks

Wine-legged streaks

Heart aching

Stressful


49/73

Hello


Date 15 October 2010 Poem Hello Poem 3 & 4

Work Challenge

Poem 3

Wall shattered plate

Venom angered state

Frustration

Blinds lapping tight

Lack social appetite

Isolation

Pure airborne Pearl

Prize shot put twirl

Raging Bull


Poppy stained pan.

affliction

No verdurous face

No swan like grace

demeaning



Distressful


Blood stained pan.

Iniquity


50/73

Hello


Poem 4

Mono tooth bite

Skin fed cot mite

Frustration

Discarded Silk

Disparate Ilk

Isolation

Yelling Bantam

Lacking Balsam

Raging Bull

Four finger brand

Fresh crimson hand

affliction

Cattle clad scent.

Sooty; fuel spent.

Demeaning

Bloated red cheeks

Wine-legged tear streaks

Distressful


51/73

Hello


Poem 5Date 04 October 2010 Poem Hello Poem 5

Ambition

Gail is yelling at Harry, at Absent Barry and the worldthe reader should know this The reader wants to calm her down, give her advice The reader suspects Harry is being physically hurt


Gail is yelling at Harry, at Absent Barry and the world Harry can only sit and get dragged through the tirade

Work Challenge

Poem 5

15yrs of company service I get passed off in

pain with a scarred and split and swollen

Cervix. A gift of blood and shitty nappies.

Just shut up.

I have only just started.

I am left with bags like Billys Circus, with

cramps ODing on prescriptive circles given to

cure me, but just like you, they abuse me. I

cannot seem to cure it,

go away

I said

I just dont give a shit, I cannot even look at

you, nor do I wish to sit and cuddle you.

out not off

Prescription. Remove me

Double cure ?

Leave me not go away

I do not even not I just dont.


52/73

Hello


shut up, shut up,

I cannot think, youve never asked me how I

felt, its you and you, your bloody self, again

you asked me to concede, to love you with my

breast to feed.

A

pinch,

wont force an apology, just as

A

smack

wont sit you quietly but to harm has proved a

good relief as I flood my grief alone withoutBarry to count the days and nights and rotting

bags of baby sick and soiled sheets because

your weak when you sleep.

You

fowl and

filthy

naughty boy.

Your petty plea your screaming dance before

you start that broken heart and shattered dream

is mine not yours because you see, I wanted

more that 7lbs of ginger boy with skin too fair

to cope with British summer warmth.

I kid you not I will start to shake,

it not you (start line). This not you (end line)

Remove an


53/73

Hello


Ill shake and shake

Until you see that your life is now affecting

me


54/73

Hello



Work Challenge

Poem 5

15yrs of company service I get passed

out in pain with a scarred and split and

swollen Cervix. A gift of blood and

shitty nappies.

Just shut up.


I am left with bags like Billys Circus,

with cramps ODing on prescription

circles given to cure, but just like you,

they abuse me. I cannot seem to cure it,

Leave me

I said

I do not even give a shit, I cannot even

look at it, nor do I wish to sit and

cuddle this.

shut up, shut up,

I cannot think, youve never asked me

how I felt, its you and you, your

bloody self, again you asked me toconcede, to love you with my breast to

feed.

A

pinch,

15yrs of company service

I get passed out in pain

with a scarred and split

and swollen Cervix.

A gift of blood and shitty nappies.

Just shut up.


I am left with bags like Billys

Circus,

with cramps ODing on prescription

circles

given to boost,

but just like you, they abuse me.

I cannot seem to cure it,

Leave me

I said

I do not even give a shit,

I cannot even look at it,

nor do I wish to sit and cuddle this.

shut up, shut up,

I cannot think,

youve never asked me how I felt,

its you and you, your bloody self,

again you asked me to concede,

How do I make this more poetry than narrative prose?


55/73

Hello


wont force apology, just as

A

smack

wont sit you quietly but to harm has

proved a good relief as I flood my grief

alone without Barry to count the days

and nights and rotting bags of baby

sick and soiled sheets because your

weak when you sleep.

You

fowl and

filthy

naughtyboy.

Your petty plea your screaming dance

before you start that broken heart andshattered dream is mine not yours

because you see, I wanted more than

7lbs of ginger boy with skin too fair to

cope with British summer warmth.


Ill shake and shake

Until you see that your life is now

affecting me

to love you with my breast to feed.

A

pinch

wont force apology, just as a

smack

wont sit you quietly

but to harm has proved a good relief

as I flood my grief alone

without Barry to count

the days and nights

and rotting bags of baby sick

and soiled sheets because your

weak-

when you sleep.

You

fowl and

filthy

naughty boy.

Your petty plea your screaming

dance

before you start that broken heart

and shattered dream

is mine

not yours

because you see,

I wanted more than 7lbs

of ginger boy with skin too fair to

cope

with British summer warmth.


56/73

Hello



Ill shake and shake

Until you see that your life is now

affecting me


57/73

Hello



Ambition

Harrys plea is the focus He tries to get his point across through any means he can Reader is willing him to succeed To get interaction with poem 5 as Gail gets physicalSituation Statements

Harry is strapped in his cot Harry tries to reconcile and remove the ties Harry looks neglected In a moment of sense Gail realises what Baby Harry looks like and the seriousness of the situation

Work Challenge

Poem 6

Harry cannot understand his

Mummys mood and

ranting feud.

Hes less than one

Its always been tough

But not like this with

Woven straps around his wrist

His time is spent with silent

digits plucking at hate from

within it,

scratching despair from its

black,

fingering hope out from the

knot.


Mummys mood and ranting feud.

Hes less than one.

Its always been tough but not like

this with woven straps around his

wrist

Silent digits plucking at hate

scratching despair from its black,

fingering hope from the knot.

He rubs away anger from his eyes

Tearing frustration from ginger

locks

Clawing out life in strips of skin

It feels ok.

How do I make this more poetry than narrative prose?

Are these all too abstract?


Mummys mood and ranting feud.

woven straps around his wrist

Hes less than one.

Silent digits plucking at hate

scratching despair from its black,

fingering hope from the knot.

Its all but gone

He rubs at anger in blue eyes

Tears frustration from ginger locks

Clawing out life in strips of skin


58/73

Hello


He rubs away anger from his

eye

Tearing frustration from the

Locks

Clawing out life in strips of

Skin

It feels ok.

Sometimes a little refugee

A sailor lost, away at sea

His hand appearing through thebars

And a foot as if to defy

Or challenge metaphysically.

His brow seeks to question why

Whilst Sheparding vibration

Good or evil?

He can tell hes almost one.

Snail tracks slalom on his chin

and

His blight ridden vest

Their continuum

Their delta

Ceasing, merging

Homogenising

The pain of pinch

Reality

A delta floods and families lost

Pets ballooned, a slurred town

Consolatory


a sailor lost, away at sea

A hand and a foot out past the bars

In defiance.

His brow seeks to question why and

Shepard vibration, Good or evil?

He knows the difference

Hes almost one.


his blight ridden vest continuum

their delta ceasing, merging

Homogenising.

The pain of pinch, reality.

A delta floods, dead families.

Pets ballooned, a slurred town

Consolatory.

A gentle tap, a forearm smash

An ear-side clap, a full face slap

Theyre all a smack

Are all the same.

Harry tried not to be the same

Not to cry, expressing pain

Not to drown

the folks down town.

But he couldnt help he couldnt

stop

Harrys consolation.


a sailor lost, away at sea

A hand and a foot out past the bars

In defiance.

His brow seeks to question why

Sheparding vibration,

Virtuous or vile

Sensing variation, hes almost one.


his blight ridden vest their continuum

the delta ceasing, merging

Homogenising.

The pain of pinch, reality.

Tear delta floods;

dead families and a slurried town

Consolatory.



Theyre all a smack

Are all the same.

Harry tried not to be the same


Not to drown

the folks in delta town.


59/73

Hello




Are all the same, are all a smack

And Harry tried not to be the

same


To drown the folks down in the

town

But he couldnt help

He couldnt stop

The pressure to great as

Mummies hand

Fell on his back and then again

He shouted out to everyone

He shouted out until shed gone.

Again she came her delta bent

He arms a crane before a key

She tore the strap and

Tenderly put punctuation to

Harrys cry,

Delta and his chin were dry

The plague like riddled cotton

sore

Peeled away before

A running tap poured in the water

too hot, too hot

An elbow gaged

A hand changed to turn of the tap

The pressure to great as Mummies

clop fell on his back

and then again.

He shouted out

to everyone.

He shouted out

until shed gone.

Again she came, her delta bent


She tore the strap and tenderly

punctuated Harrys cry.

The plague like riddled cotton sore

Peeled away before a running tap

poured in the water not too hot,

An elbow gaged

But he couldnt help he couldnt stop

The pressure to great as Mummies

clop fell on his back

and then again.

He shouted out

to everyone.

He shouted out

until shed gone.

Again she came, her delta bent


She tore the strap and tenderly

interrupted Harrys cry.


Peeled away before a running tap

poured the water

not too hot, an elbow gaged


60/73

Hello



61/73

Hello



Work Challenge


Mummys mood and ranting feud,

the woven straps around his wrist

Hes less than one.

Silent digits pluck at hate

scratch despair from its black,

finger hope from tight knot.

Its all but gone

He rubs red anger from blue eyes.

Tears frustration from ginger locks.

Claws out life in strips of skin.

Harrys consolation.

Sometimes a little refugee,

a sailor lost away at sea

an innocent, a prisoner

chained in solitary.

Questioning brow Shepherds

vibration

Virtuous and Vile

Sensing variation

hes almost one.

Snail tracks slalom on his chin,

his blight ridden vest their continuum,

the delta ceasing, merging,


62/73

Hello


Homogenising.

The pain of pinch; reality.

Harrys tear delta floods

turning towns to sea;

killing families.

A gentle tap, a forearm smash,

an ear-side clap, a full face slap.

Theyre all a smack.

Are all the same.

Harry tried not to be the same,

not to cry, expressing pain,

not to drown the folks

in delta town.

But he couldnt help he couldnt stop,

the pressure to great as Mummies

clop fell on his back;

and then again.

He shouted out to everyone;

He shouted out until shed gone.

Until she had reasoned-

I am his mum

Gail hated not this Harry child,

but hated chance and circumstance,

no time to question why; to reconcile.

Mummy hated not her Harry child.


63/73

Hello


Gail stood, shadowing.

Her arms a crane before a key.

She tore the straps and tenderly

interrupted Harrys cry.


peeled away before a running tap

poured water - not too hot

An elbow gauged


64/73

Hello



Ambition

To build onto the positive finish of poem 6 by allowing the reader to see how Gail has at last asked for help To create relief and a feeling of, about time too. To have the reader genuinely pleased for Harry


Poem 6 saw Gail halting the decline and offering Harry comfort Gail discusses with Barry via the internet Barry calls his Mother for help

Work Challenge

Poem 7 Stanza 1

The sun put on his Balaklava

Frost, ninja like assumed control

Stalignite grass made nail bed

Car bonnet drew frozen kidney

A stainless grill muzzled smoke

from a spent dragon

Are these all too

abstract?

Remove and use

for night transition

piece rather thanrepeat the same

Balaklavad sun

beams paradoxically,

protecting.

Spectrums of light girdles boundaries

two seasons, two time zones

Light carries love

carries life

Poem 7 Stanza 2

Digital hands gymnast beyond 88:88

A red ginger hunter trots to pounce

The wisest plumage calls home

A one hundred Watt moon

kisses white cliffs

Remove and use

for night transition

piece rather than

repeat the same

Electrons charge

exciting plasma

exploding colour,

vibrating paper.

Laptops provide a flight, hotel, an embrace

Satellite returning Daddy, forming family;

creating chance


65/73

Hello


Poem 7 Stanza 3

Balaklavad sun beams paradoxically,

protects

Spectrum of light,

hooping boundaries of two seasons

Two time zones

Light carries love carries life


Pain purges to a bellow,

Releasing, cleansing.

Greif in transit disfigures copper

Guilt chokes the air as a straw sucks a marble

Bleeding, tearing.

Stretching, warping.

Poem 7 Stanza 4

Electrons charge

exciting plasma

Exploding colour,

vibrating paper


Satilite returning Daddy, forming family,

creating chance

Honesty a catalyst for cataclysm

Scales of depression ease anticlockwise

Brian immediate, compassionate,

a divided man

Hope sat with help sat with happiness

Seesawing

Heartache sat with helplessness sat with horror

Poem 7 Stanza 5



releasing, cleansing.

Greif scarred copper in transit,

silk blanketing shards

guilt stretches air

straw sucking marble

Communication waited for next t ime, next day

a purple veined grey hand shielded sunlight.

Eyes piercing through

nostril steamed glass.

a purple veined grey pair

Rrrat a tat tat

Poem 7 Stanza 6

Honesty a catalyst halting a cataclasm


Brian immediate, compassionate, a divided

man


Seesaw

Heartache sat with helplessness sat with

horror

Cataclasm

violent break.

Wrong syntax

It was 09:00

a wise plumage a steady bough.

Brians mother embraced Gail

A clown without paint

Himalayan black fluxed the raw and painful

Fluxed the pure and shameful


66/73

Hello


Poem 7 Stanza 7

Communication waited for next time,

next day

A purple veined grey hand shielded sunlight

Eye piercing through,

nostril steamed glass

Its pair rat a tat tat

Liver spotted,

melanin stained hand

Followed half inch red silicone implants

Tickling Salmon as they scoop Harry

To embrace.

To reassure

Everyone

Poem 7 Stanza 8

It was 09:00 a wise plumage a steady bough





Poem 7 Stanza 9

Liver spotted, melanin stained hand



To embrace, to reassure

But who?


67/73

Hello



Work Challenge

Balaklavad sun

beams paradoxically,

protecting.

Spectrums of light girdles boundaries

two seasons, two time zones

Light carries love

carries life

Rain driven sun beams

Spectrums of light

Carries love

Carries life

Electrons charge

exciting plasma

exploding colour,

vibrating paper.


Satellite returning Daddy, forming family;

creating chance

Charging electrons

Excite plasma

Explode colour

Vibrate paper

Laptops provide

A flight

A hotel

An embrace

Orbiting Satellite

Transporting Daddy

Forming Family

Creating Chance



Releasing, cleansing.

Greif in transit disfigures copper

Guilt chokes the air as a straw sucks a marble

Bleeding, tearing.

Stretching, warping.


Pain purges to a bellow

Releasing

Cleansing

Grief in transit

Disfigures copper


68/73

Hello


Tearing

Bleeding

Guilt chokes the air as

Straw would suck a marble

Stretching

Warping

Honesty a catalyst for cataclysm


Brian immediate, compassionate,

a divided man


Seesawing

Heartache sat with helplessness sat with

horror

Honesty a catalyst for

Cataclysm

Scales of depression ease

Anticlockwise

Brian was compassionate:

Hope sat with

Help sat with

Happiness sat with

Heartache sat with

Helplessness sat with

Horror.

Brian was divided.

Communication waited for next time, next

day





Rrrat a tat tat

Poem 8


69/73

Hello


It was 09:00






Liver spotted,




To embrace.

To reassure

Everyone



70/73

Hello


Work Challenge

Communication waited for next time, next

day





Rrrat a tat tat

Doorstep cream lifts silver

Rolled headlines embed plastic

Brains Mothers eyes demist

nostril steamed glass

Grey purple veined hand

Shielding sunlight

Grey purple veined other calls

Rrat a tat tat

It was 09:00






A wise plumage

A Steady bough

Embraces Gail -

Clown less paint

Himalayan black fluxes

Raw and painful fluxes

Pure and shameful fluxes

Life

Liver spotted,




To embrace.

To reassure

Everyone

Liver spotted

Melanin stained hand

Steers half inch red

Silicone implants

Tickling Salmon

Scooping Harry

To embrace

To reassure


71/73

Hello



72/73

Hello


Poem 8

Nightfall Stanza

Date 05 October 2010 Poem Hello Nightfall stanza

Ambition

To establish the struggle around the clock

To be minimalistic


Work Challenge

Red face, embarrassed

The sun tagged the moon

Elbows on rope

exhausted

Red face

The sun tagged the moon

Elbows on rope

Exhausted

The sun put on his Balaklava

Frost, ninja like assumed control

Stalagmite grass made nail bed

Car bonnet drew frozen kidney

A stainless grill muzzled smoke

from a spent dragon

Frost, like ninja

assumes control

makes stalagmite grass

makes nail bed

moon lit

stainless grill

muzzles smoke of a dragon

spent

Car bonnet

draws a frozen heart

shrinking to kidney

Car bonnet

draws a frozen heart

shrinking to kidney

then to pea.

Digital hands

rotate slothfully

beyond 00:00

Fatigued.

Red faced

the sun tagged the moon


73/73

Hello

and then to pea.

Digital hands

elbows on rope

Exhausted.

Barn Bats

Bat black

Catch moth

Hang.

Digital hands gymnast beyond 88:88

A red ginger hunter trots to pounce

The wisest plumage calls home

A one hundred Watt moon

kisses white cliffs

Rotate slothfully

beyond 00:00

fatigued

Ginger red

Hunter trots to pounce

Eyeballs marble

Voracious

one hundred watt

moon

illuminates

white cliffs

The wisest plumage

calls home

Barn Bats

Bat black

Catch moth

Ginger red

Hunter trots to pounce

Eyeballs marble

Voracious.

One hundred watt

moon illuminates

white cliffs.

Hope.

Like ninja frost,

assumes control

makes stalagmite grass

makes nail bed.

Portfolio - Hello Poem

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