popular STAND 64

popularSTAND // ISSUE 64 // APRIL/MAY 2013 03

ISSUE 64EDITORIAL

ISSUE 64 // CONTENTS

05. Spotted!06. Previously at the Rovers09. 2012-13 Highlights & Heroes 12. To Lindum and Back14. Blowing My Own Trumpet17. Trumpet Man’s Song Book18. The Belles, The Belles

20. Blowing My Own Trumpet22. Voice of the Pop Side24. Secret Lives of the Rovers27. Donny R’sonists Update28. Windmills of Your Mind32. Managers’ Secret Diaries35. Easy For Dennis

Friends, Rovers, Doncastrians,

Welcome to Issue 64 of the leading Doncaster Rovers related fanzine containing the words ‘popular’ and ‘stand’ in its name. As ever I begin by thanking you for choosing to purchase or subscribe to our humble ‘zine. Whether this your first copy of the season or your sixth, your pound coins are always appreciated, and so in view of some of you missing out on issue 63, we upped the print run for this edition to try and ensure none of you go home empty handed. Hopefully you will enjoy this issue and see fit to seek us out again in 2013-14.

It seemed odd to be pulling together our last fanzine of the season with the outcome of the campaign still to be decided; the mood should be buoyant given the season we’ve had and the fact that we sit top of the league with two games to go, but as

we’re Rovers fans we’re enthused with a melancholy, that ‘we always blow it’ feeling, (despite the fact that we rarely have in recent years)that means the underlying mood of this ‘zine remains one of cautious optimism. Our contributors penned their pieces before the trip to Crewe and almost all the zine was done before the final whistles sounded on Tuesday so we can only hope that by the time you read these words you are feeling happy and confident and that our concerns have long been blown away… we can hope.

Either way though, whether we’ve blazed over the line pulling a wheelie, limped over like Derek Redmond, or fallen short like Devon Loch, or even just finished without similie the fact remains that this has been a very successful season for Doncaster Rovers. And should things ultimately go a bit Dave Kitson, and we be drowned in messageboard whines about ‘throwing it away’, or ‘bottling it’, this should not be forgotten.

Ahead of the current campaign all that I, and many more of you, was

popularSTAND // ISSUE 64 // APRIL/MAY 201304

was looking forward to, was a season encompassing the three Rs; reflection, reconciliation and restructuring. After the disaster of last year’s relegation, played out under the fug of Willie McKay’s back-of-a-fag-packet ‘experiment’, some time away from it all in which to dust ourselves down and start again was all I was really looking or hoping for. Both on the field and off it, this season has offered us that and much more.

The day before I penned this editorial I was pointed the way of a story on the football website Two Hundred Percent which carried the headline ‘Doncaster Rovers Lead the Way on Fan Engagement’. The article highlighted the excellent work done by the club and the Viking Supporters’ Co-operative through the In Rovers We Trust scheme to try and realign the club with what we, the fans, want them to be. What they have found is that,

as we’ve long trumpeted in these pages, its often the simpler, more personal touches that make the difference in how fans perceive their club to be.

Of course there were many who entertained McKay’s approach, many who still see it as a positive step despite all its many failings, but for many that is not what they want to see from their football club. Instead they just want to feel valued, and that is something that has happened much more this season than in any recent campaigns. From votes on club kits, to season ticket renewal phonecalls from the players themselves, and interviewing eight-year-olds for the manager’s position, every little thing combines to make this club one that we can support proudly once again.

A year ago, as Rovers were relegated from the Championship I wasn’t there. I hadn’t paid to attend a

Commentary equipment vs Tranmere

Post-match debrief for the Belles


Rovers game since the Notts County fixture when Mr McKay swung for one of our contributors. I decided that day I couldn’t give my money to a club who would back that man resolutely without listening to the concerns of fans. That wasn’t the Rovers I’d fallen for. That wasn’t the Rovers I’d proudly boasted about for many years. And so the only time I pitched up after that was to sell you your copies of popular STAND.

On Saturday at Crewe I was lucky enough to be watching the goal from the press seats at the back of Gresty Road’s Main Stand. From there I got to see, as Billy Paynter wheeled away to celebrate his second goal, not just the entire Rovers team chasing after him, but also most of the Rovers support haring along the length of the opposite stand to try and join in. It was a moment of collectiveness that last season I never felt I would see or experience again as a Rovers fan. It is that, the return of that kind of feeling, that is the real triumph this season. And whilst winning certainly helps, of cocking things up royally against Notts County or Brentford (because there’s always a catch) is the price I have to pay for getting the club as I knew it back, then I’ll take it.

But then I’ve always been quite greedy. So if you want to chuck an unexpected promotion to the mix then I’ll have that and all.

Fingers crossed folks and whatever happens, we’ll be back with you again next season.Viva Rovers!

EL HADJI DIOUFCan’t be 100% sure, but possibly

coming out of the Tesco Express in Wheatley with a can of Red Bull and a

big bag of Doritos.

GW

JAMIE COPPINGERWith his wife shopping in Wheatley

Hall road, TK Max to be precise

BARRY MILLERSeen casually strolling through

Scawthorpe. He was heading towards Bentley, so presumably doing

missionary work. Blending in with the masses in trackies and trainers.

spotter: @DarrenBurkeDFP

spotter: @Gazz_Long

spotter: @EverythingCopps

spotter: @MattFlanagan_1

JAN BUDTZwith his family in Bessacarr wearing casual jeans and gillet; demolishing a

Toby Carvery.

‘CLEM’On the train going from Doncaster to Kings Cross. Not wearing mauve but he did devour a pack of Nobby’s Nuts

before even reaching Retford. Had a glass of wine and randomly tore

a Pukka pad of paper to shreds just outside Stevenage

spotter: @vivarovers


PREVIOUSLY AT THE ROVERS

Saturday 16th MarchRovers 1-1 PortsmouthOn a Keepmoat pitch that contained more obviously misplaced sand than Michael Atherton’s pocket (ask your dad) an improving Portsmouth did just about enough to bring Rovers promotion push to a stutter. Doncaster led through Chris Brown turning in David Cotterill’s excellent low cross, but couldn’t extend their lead and were made to pay as the visitors equalised through Jed Wallace’s side foot finish during a particularly sloppy ten minute spell in the second half. The dropped points were not felt as much as they could have been though thanks to Sheffield United’s hilariously humiliating 4-0 crash at Stevenage.

Sunday 17th MarchRovers Belles 0-2 BristolThe Belles get their 2013 season underway on a rain-soaked mud-bath of a Keepmoat pitch as they host Bristol Academy in the FA Cup 5th round. The Belles fall behind in the first half, but despite an improved showing after the break, having conceded a second just as they were starting to get back into the game John Buckley’s side sadly never look like matching their visitors.

Wednesday 20th MarchThere’s a welcome boost for Flynn’s squad of the season as midfielder John Lundstram’s loan spell from Everton is extended until the end of the season. The England under 19 captain has proved a classy addition to the Rovers midfield since his arrival.

Friday 22nd MarchGood news for the Keepmoat Stadium, but added woe for the pitch should Rovers find themselves in the play-offs, as it is announced as the venue for Jamie McDonnell’s IBF World Bantamweight Title Fight against Julio Ceja on Saturday 11th May.

Saturday 23rd MarchScunthorpe United 2-3 RoversChim-chimenee-chim-chimenee-chim-chim-cheroo, Rovers record the double over those in claret and blue. After a momentous effort to clear snow from the Glanford Park pitch helps get the game on the Scunthorpe fans must’ve been wondering why they bothered when David Mirfin turned into his own net inside five minutes. Goals from Hume and Brown cemented Rovers lead either side of a great free-kick from Mark Duffy, and despite a late

Lost your memory from a gleefully waved elbow to the head during the amd-cap celebrations at Crewe? Don’t worry, the infamous

popular STAND diary is here to get you back up to speed.


Scunthorpe goal from Karl Hawley that proved enough to secure yet another satisfying win at the tin shed down the road.

Monday 25th MarchRemember Robbie Blake? Yep, we’d forgotten about him too until he shuffled out the door today, leaving Rovers by mutual consent. Blake had been trumpeted as “good for the dressing room” when signed by Dean Saunders in the summer so presumably now he’s fixed all the showers and realigned the benches and coat-hooks he’s free to leave.

Thursday 28th MarchWith just over 24 hours to go before kick-off in Rovers Good Friday match against Coventry, opponents City finally confirm where it will take place. Despite rumours of the fixture being held at Walsall, Birmingham City or even Rushden following the Sky Blues staff moving out of their offices at the Ricoh Arena, the match will be played at Coventry’s usual home. Meanwhile Lee Fowler heads out the Keepmoat to find first team football, the midfielder whose physique in the match against Crawley last month gave hope to us all, goes on loan to Burton Albion for the remainder of the season.

Friday 29th MarchCoventry City 1-0 RoversA chant of “Does your landlord know you’re here?” is the only bright spot as Rovers endure a God awful first half at the Ricoh. Struggling to find a way with the space being created by Coventry’s midfield five they fall

fall behind to Cyrus Christie’s 13th minute goal and only begin to show signs of recovery as Flynn shuffles his formation after half an hour. After the break Rovers dominate much of the game- Dean Furman rattles the post, David Cotterill has a shot cleared off the line and Jamie Coppinger has a goal ruled out for offside - but can’t find a way back into it.

Monday 1st AprilRovers 1-0 SwindonI watched this game on a dodgy internet stream so if you went to the match or didn’t find Sky Sports’ coverage of it as I did allow me to sum up the satellite broadcaster’s coverage; “Pitch, pitch, bobbly, Di Canio, pitch, Di Cannio, poor surface, Di Canio, pitch, pitch, bobble, sand, Di Canio, Di Canio, pitchy pitch Paulo”. Given there was little action to narrate I perhaps wouldn’t have minded, but this was over a month since Di Canio left the Robins.


second tonight was most likely met with a chorus of angry typing. “I really hope that Brian Flynn is kept as far away from the manager’s job as possible once the season is over”… “not a long term manager”… “not promotion form”… Flynn has “not a clue”… “Not playing Hume shows me that Mr Flynn doesn’t now as much about football as he should do.” yada yada yada. All actual quotes those, from fans of a team who are top of the league with three games to go. Flynn apparently showed his naivety by sticking with the team that had beaten promotion rivals Swindon and Tranmere for this game, and being ultimately undone by a wicked deflection and a well-struck shot as Rovers chased an equaliser. A frustrating and unfortunate loss would be the more reasoned take on the night than the aforementioned quotations. Onwards to Crewe!

This was a solid, resolute display against promotion rivals and having held their opponents at arm’s length Rovers eventually struck the crucial blow as Jamie McCombe’s header made it over the line to secure a significant if not spectacular 1-0 win. That victory, coupled with favourable results elsewhere later in the afternoon, thrust Rovers back ahead of the back before the visit of another promotion contender the following Saturday.

Saturday 6th AprilRovers 1-0 Tranmere RoversYou could be forgiven a sense of déjà-vu whilst at the Keepmoat today as for the se second time in five days the Stadium hosts game of few chances against promotion rivals, eventually won by a single goal from a centre-half. Rob Jones struck the only goal of this game just after the hour mark, toe-ending Jamie McCombe’s nod-down into the roof of the net, and that ultimately did enough to secure the win for Doncaster as they hung on despite Tranmere’s best efforts to bombard the home goal in the closing minutes. The win keeps Rovers seven points clear of the play-off places and still firmly in top spot.

Tuesday 9th AprilRovers 0-2 Carlisle UnitedOpposition goals are often greeted by the sound of groans, sometimes boos, occasionally silence. Carlisle’s

PREVIOUSLY ATTHE ROVERS// CONTINUED


Steve is currently... The Fat Lady Singing

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Saturday 13th AprilCrewe Alexandra 1-2 Rovers“Why on earth would Flynn do that! Humes was the key man in first half should be paynter for brown if anything,” was just one of the more repeatable (and better spelt) tweets sent in reply to the official club twitter account after they announced Brian Flynn’s second half substitution. At that point in the game Rovers trailed 1-0 to the Alex despite having the better of the chances. It took little more than five minutes for ‘The Decorator’ to make his mark, with a quick brace turning the game on its head and sparking some good old fashioned mad cap run-around goal celebration pandemonium amongst the 1,100 travelling Rovers supporters. The win ensures Rovers remain clear at the top of the table with two games to go in League One.

Tuesday 16th AprilFour goals, four penalties and three red cards between Sheffield United and Brentford in the Bramall Lane promotion decider that ultimately decided very little. Whilst Rovers fans were still trying to work out which result would be best for them a late Brentford equaliser meant that it ended 2-2, leaving the Bees three points behind Rovers with two games to go. United now fourth have a game in hand but still sit seven points behind Doncaster. Elsewhere a big win for Oldham as they defeated Yeovil 1-0 to knock the Glovers out the automatic promotion race and push Scunthorpe closer to the abyss… oh dear.

GW


2012-13; HEROES & HIGHLIGHTS

The fanzine’s merry band of contributors and sellers select their key men and moments from the 2012-13 season

1.WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE AS ROVERS PLAYER OF THE SEASON?Tony Greenhall: Undoubtedly Rob Jones, the goal scoring Gibraltar of the Rovers defence. Surprised Spain haven’t laid claim to his land.Stu Chadwick: For me it has to be Rob Jones, led the team with the courage and passion I want from defenders.John Coyle: Rob Jones. A real leader of men and an old-school central defender. The sort of player we’ve needed for years. Honourable mentions to Chris Brown, Ian Hume and David Cotterill.Chris Kidd: One of Jones, Cotterill or Brown.Jack The Miner: Chris Brown - intelligent, hard working, makes time and space for others, does his defensive work, good in the air and deft on the ground. Best display by a big man since Alan Warboys wrote the book on it in 81/82.Mike Follows: David Cotterill; assisted or scored 50% of our goals this season!Glen Wilson: Chris Brown, the February blip can mostly be attributed to his absence from the side; gives a focal point to attack; as good a target man as I’ve seen watching Rovers.

2.WHOSE YOUR UNSUNG ROVERS PLAYER OF THE SEASON?TG: James Husband.Graduated from the youth team and quietly became a fully fledged professional footballer. May be the first youth teamer in recent years not to end up at Frickley or Gainsborough.

SC: Andy Griffin, a true pro, slotted in when called upon and done a fantastic job at the bussiness end of the season.JC: Paul Quinn. I thought he was, not to put too fine a point on it, rubbish when we first signed him. He’s improved throughout the season and since Christmas has probably been our most consistent performer. CK: For me is Tommy Spurr.JTM: Paul Quinn. It’s a long time since we had a back four as solid as this and he’s had none of the headlines despite getting better as the season went on.MF: Tommy Spurr; done everything you could ask of a full-back and deputised at centre-half effectively when required. No nonsense, just effective.GW: David Syers; an energetic box-to-box midfielder who kept us in the hunt into the new year but has largely been forgotten due to Furman and Lundstram.

3.WHO DO YOU CONSIDER THE BEST ADDITION TO THE SIDE? TG: Ian Hume. Bald,busy bluster from the hardest working Canadian this side of the Toronto Maple Leafs.SC: Dean Furman, looks a class act.JC: Jones, Hume and Cotterill all fall into this category, but Dean Furman looks like he could be a real steal of a signing. I’ve despaired of our midfield ever since we had to let Brian Stock move on. With this guy, I don’t despair any longer.CK: The newest player, Furman. A lot


MF: Simon Gillett. At times we’ve been over-run in midfield and needed someone to break up the play in there then pick a pass.GW: Sam Hird, in front of the rock that is our defence I feel he could have found a new niche as a holding midfielder, a chance for his inner ‘der Kaiser’ to shine.

5. FAVOURITE MOMENT OF THE SEASON? TG: Dispatching long time Keegan thieving foes Scunthorpe 4-0 at home closely followed by a Pompey fan buying a fanzine for £1, asking if you can still buy a house for that up here.SC: When I realised we were not going to be in a relegation fight, then it subsequently dawning on me that we could do even better.JC: David Cotterill’s spectacular goal that put us 2-0 up on opening day. The feeling that perhaps this season was not going to be the grim struggle against a second relegation that I had secretly feared. Beating Scunny 4-0 at home wasn’t bad, either.CK: Not that I was there but Jones winning header against Stevenage probably has to rank up there otherwise I will just go with doing the double over Scunny JTM: Sitting in a cafe on holiday, staring at my ‘phone, hoping Rovers could see it out for a point at Stevenage and seeing the screen flash... ‘Goal – Jones 93minutes’MF: Scunthorpe at home. One of the best team performances of the season humiliated Scunny as we outclassed a local rival. Nice.GW: Leyton Orient at home and the day we got our club back; a community spirit in getting the game on, a comprehensive win, and overwhelming support for a new manager.

of potential there.JTM: David Cotterill – credit to Dean Saunders. He recruited well close-season. Cotterill just edges itMF: Rob Jones. When we had to build just about a whole new squad we needed to start with a leader who would shore things up at the back. I don’t think we could have found a better man for the job.GW: Rob Jones; the anchor point for the Rovers ship this season, his cult status has also done much to galvanise the fans again.

4.MOST MISSED FROM LAST SEASON? TG: The ulcer caused by ‘The Experiment’ which hung around like an angry Staffy on a spiked leash and bit the neighbours kids. Thankfully put down for the benefit of all.SC: James Hayter & George Friend; great servants for club and a couple of my favourites due to their never say die attitude and hard work over their skill and flair!JC: The sale of Billy Sharp was inevitable and effectively sealed our fate, and I still think back to what it would be like to have a finisher of his calibre now. In the unlikely event of having his services this season, we could have been opening the champagne in February! In many ways they were shadows of their old selves last season, but I miss Stock and O’Connor, though Furman and Quinn have gone some way to making good their loss.CK: Quite hard because I wouldn’t have many back from last season so it has to be Stock or SharpJTM: If you mean players, none. We’ve been pretty to look at for a few years but’d lost the fire and the fight but this season, and this team, has got it back.


TO LINDUMAND BACK

Whilst the players continue to rightly take the plaudits for a much improved season on the pitch for Rovers, Chris Kidd acknowledges

someone who has helped the club make great strides off it.

As the 2012/13 season draws to a close and enters the business end of the academic year Rovers are well placed to have a successful season. This is due in no small part to a number of key signings made over the summer, but it’s a signing made in November 2011 that really must be investigated further.

Having made a complete and utter balls up of the Sean O’Driscoll departure a few months previous in September 2011, the Rovers board needed to dig out a diamond in the rough to sort out the Operational and Public Relations side of the club. With the appointment of Gavin Baldwin the three amigos did just that. The impact wouldn’t be instant; in fact it probably took a step backwards before it started to go in the right direction, but now in April 2013 the appointment of Baldwin ranks up there with the capture of Billy Sharp. Initially brought in as Director of Operations Baldwin’s task was almost to act as an external consultant to the business, come up with a more effective operational model and suggest the way forward.

Originally from a banking background with Nationwide, Baldwin moved into the leisure

industry where he became Chief Executive of Donny Dome. After a successful six years at the helm of Yorkshire’s premier entertainment and sports venue he moved to an Assistant Director role at DMBC within the Leisure and Culture Directorate. It could be assumed that it was this role that brought him to the attention of JR and Co as Rovers looked to resolve the running and management issues with the Keepmoat Stadium that was at the time provided by the Stadium Management Company (SMC). JR has got the majority of the crucial decisions right during his tenure at the club and he obviously liked what he saw in Baldwin.

It took until the following spring for Rovers to decide that Baldwin had a great deal to offer and they finally relieved Dave Morris of his duties (whatever they were - as he rarely offered anything) and made Baldwin Chief Executive of Doncaster Rovers. By the April relegation from the Championship was all but assured, so it would emerge that one of the first major tasks for him would be to slash the playing budget in readiness for competing in League One and try and keep the club operating in a stable fashion. The wage bill of just over £9million

which has been lost in the modern generation of football stadia where ‘Box Offices’ and swiping a loyalty card at the turnstile are the norm. This is a great move by the club and should encourage more of Doncaster to come down on a Saturday and avoid the famous queue at the ticket office half an hour before kick-off. Additionally it’s always good to see a Manager on the shop floor making sure everything is operating smoothly and sure enough you will find Gavin walking around the Belle Vue Bar on a Saturday ensuring the queue isn’t too big or that we haven’t run out of Chicken Balti Pies.

So in the summer when you’re sat watching England pummel the Aussies again in the Ashes, waiting for our first game of the new season at the Stadium of Light and you contemplate Rovers most important signings over the last few years, don’t forget the off the field acquisitions and especially that of Gavin Baldwin. Well done to the Board for securing his services and congratulations to Gavin on a job well done so far.

popularSTAND // ISSUE 64 // APRIL/MAY 2013 13CK

had to be reduced by five or six million pounds to something more in the region of £3.5 million. ‘The Catastrophe’ or ‘The Experiment’ as it was more commonly known had escalated out of control by the end of the season and wage bill was crippling a club with a main income source of barely 10,000 Doncastrians. What followed was a summer of reorganisation and rationalisation as most of the playing squad departed one way or another.

The landmark move of securing the Keepmoat Stadium on a 99 year lease from DMBC may work out to be one of the most important acquisitions of Rovers’ history; something our Gavin was heavily involved with. After a summer of rebuilding on what initially was a limited playing budget Rovers could now celebrate knowing they had protected the long term future of the club.

Apart from the more obvious parts of the club Gavin has been working on, he also set about sorting out the ‘behind the scenes’ operation of the club from how the ticket office is run to sorting the commercial side of the club out and trying to get the most out of the available facilities at the stadium. He also commenced and helped initiate the In Rovers We Trust (IRWT) initiative which has re-established the close bond between the club and the supporters groups which had been somewhat lost in the sour events of September 2011. Most recently Rovers have announced that they will be operating a cash turnstile for next season, something


And they all lived happily ever after...

A confession.

I’m not really a miner. Although I’m proud to say I come from several generations of coal diggers.

In recent years I’ve written for a living. My second book is due out next year. In this story, the central character dies a tragic death. He’s a good man, but via a series of misunderstandings after his demise, his lover believes she had given her heart to a liar and a cheat. Everything she believed in seems worthless. The baddie gets the girl. The baddie is not nice to the girl. You get the picture. Good things don’t happen to good people in this tale.

There. You don’t need to buy the book now, so that’s saved you £8.99.

The publisher thinks there is ‘poignancy is the pain’ but she’s a Yank and they talk for talking’s sake, because they like the sound of their own voices.

Mrs Miner thinks it’s a grim saga

that’s in keeping with the glass half empty, pessimistic, cynical view of the world that is part of themindset of the average football fan. And she might be right.

As I write this piece for the fanzine in the hours after the defeat at the Ricoh, I’m in a good things don’t happen to good people frame of mind and I’m sketching out the story of the next few weeks in my head. In this yarn, Rovers blow the best chance of promotion they’ll ever have. Bournemouth will succeed in spending their way into the Championship and the Blunts will stagger over the finishing line to join them. James Hayter will stick a dagger through our hearts in the play-off semi and we’ll spend the summer muttering ‘Saunders should never have let Hayter go’ as he conjures up another diving header at Wembley to secure his place in the Glovers’ folklore.

As the yarn continues we find ourselves still in League One for 2013/14, without Cotterill, Spurr and Husband, as a new boss tries to build from scratch again with a new squad. Our first game is away at Stevenage where Westley is back for a third time, blighting football

GOOD THINGS DON’T HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Jack The Miner has decided that the best way to avoid the possible heartache of missing out on promotion is to stay

away entirely. How hard can it be?


with his presence. It’ll be a long cold season of attrition.

The alternative storyline is the one where Rovers dig in and are crowned as Champions. And deservedly so. Whilst I will always savour what O’Driscoll did for Rovers, he did it with a serious wind at his back whereas Flynn’s amazing bunch of players have created something special out of the nothing. Elsewhere Bournemouth, having failed in the play-offs, are in administration yet again. The Blunts lose in the play-off final one more time and the Praise or Grumble special becomes the must-listen-to comedy programme of the season. Elsewhere, Rotherham sack Steve Evans, Westley is already unemployed after Stevenage realise his re-appointment lacked any sort of class, guts or imagination on their part; MK Dons have somehow managed to be relegated on the last day of the season and the courts have made it compulsory for the directors of SISU Capital to be placed in the stocks in the streets of Coventry. The Coventry City supporters make sure rotten fruit is made available for the coach loads of football fans arriving from all over the country, although there are no buses coming in from Milton Keynes because the Dons supporters can’t see what the fuss is all about, presumably thinking, ’so what if they lose their football club, they can buy another one...’

But I’m not buying into this particular version of the ending.

Because good things don’t happen to good people I have decided not to put myself through the turmoil of the run-in and the play-offs. I was literally sick with nerves at Southend in the last play-off semi and swear I was close to heart trouble at Wembley where my chest was pounding, my neck throbbing and the overwhelming emotion at the final whistle was one of sheer relief rather than joy.

Wembley proved to me that when I go, it’ll be watching DRFC. To be honest, it wouldn’t be a bad way to shuffle off but I’m not ready to say my goodbyes, so the play-offs are off-limits. What I don’t know can’t hurt me.

So, from 11am on Saturday 30th March I am in a Rovers news blackout. It’ll be like the famous ‘No Hiding Place’ episode of The Likely Lads where Bob and Terry are desperate not to hear the result of the Bulgaria v. England game before they watch it on TV.

No Final Score. No Sunday Papers. No Rovers Player. No VSC Forum. No red button. No visiting my local - which despite being 150 miles from the Keepmoat - has a new Bentley born, DRFC supporting landlord. I’ve come off Facebook and I’ve deleted the Twitter app from my ‘phone. I can’t even read the issue of Popular Stand that this piece will be appearing in. Dad will need to stop posting me the Green ‘Un.

And there’ll be no Football League


Show, so that’s a bonus. Having said, given their lack of Rovers coverage I could watch the Football League show for weeks on end and still have no idea what’s happening to Rovers.

I’ll have to learn to live with The Likely Lads style near misses. There could be an accidental glimpse of a website when all I see is part of a headline saying Doncaster P...before quickly closing down the web page and wondering and worrying...Doncaster P what? Doncaster Promoted? Doncaster Plummet Down Table? Doncaster Parade Trophy Around Town? Doncaster Plucky in Play-Off Defeat?

Perhaps I can hang on until July when the fixture lists come out. That’s when I turn on the BBC Sport website and scroll down.... Derby County v. Doncaster Rovers or Crawley v. Doncaster Rovers? Perhaps the shock of discovery would be worse than seeing it unfold in the flesh.

Bob and Terry had eight hours to kill, trying to find places where there wasn’t a radio or a television set, spending the day wandering around town, giving blood and trying unsuccessfully, to find sanctuary in a local church. I reckon I’ve got about eight weeks.

Here goes.

Update...

1 April 2013 – 8.10am Get into car1 April 2013 – 11.15 am Arrive at Keepmoat

GOOD THINGS DON’T HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE// CONTINUED

JTM

Just when we thought we’d be stuck for a new fanzine feature, David Cotterill watched the Panorama North Korea special and tweeted his thoughts, and low we were saved. So welcome to Cottterill’s World, depicting the winger’s take on global politics,

beginning with his actual quote in case you missed it.

Cotterill On North Korea;

“Wow! North Koreais crazy!”


TRUMPET MAN’SSONG BOOK

Oh Dear God, the longest running most tenuous feature in popular STAND history hath returned. Yes, it’s back and this time it’s lyrical; to the tune of ‘Gold’ by Spandau Ballet, it’s the Rob Jones Song

Thank you for coming here And helping us to improve our form

You’re even more action than BourneCult status has been formed here

They say you’re Darth Vader ’s father And you can touch MC Hammer

Strikers are scared of you, they’re scared of you You’ll even make The Shard feel small

It’s our luck that you’re standing so tall We’ve got Jones

Always believe in Rob Jones He’s got the power plus goals

He’s indestructible Always believe in, he’s Rob Jones You can header a ball to Saturn

Split atoms they can’t break at CernYou’re indestructible, always believe in

You’ll get blood from a stone And even end a DFS sale

You could put up two tents in a gale Get Jail and still pass Go

You’ll do the jobs Mr Muscle hates Rocks get caught ‘tween you and a hard place This is why we sing for you, we sing for you

You’re built like a high prison wall A centre half who’s standing so tall

chorusYou can header a ball to Saturn

Split atoms they can’t break at CernYou’re indestructible, always believe in

(Musical interlude) You can header a ball to Saturn

Split atoms they can’t break at Cern You’re indestructible

Always believe inchorus to fade


THE BELLES,THE BELLES

Hang on a minute. Yep, you. Where do you think you’re going? The football isn’t over. So turn round, go back in the turnstiles and sit yourself down, because whilst one season may be ending at the Keepmoat today, another is just beginning. An hour and a half after the full-time whistle sounds on Rovers match with Notts County, the Doncaster Rovers Belles will begin their FA Women’s Super League campaign against Chelsea.

The Belles have already begun their season, having been beaten 2-0 by Bristol Ladies here a month ago in an FA Cup 5th round tie played out on a rain drenched Keepmoat pitch. That score was perhaps a little harsh on the Belles who unfortunately conceded the second just as they were beginning to get a foothold back in the game, but unfortunately following postponements to scheduled Conmtinental Cup games in recent weeks, they have had to wait until this weekend for an opportunity to put that right.

There are plus points to the extended rest period for the Belles though, not least in that it gives their undoubted star player Sue Smith further chance to recover from injury and be part of the

current campaign. Smith, who won over 90 caps for England was signed ahead of last year ’s campaign to bring much needed experience to the Belles side, but unfortunately suffered a serious knee injury on her first competitive outing for the team - in the FA Cup at Barnet – and is yet to make an FAWSL appearance for the Belles, something she’ll be hoping to rectify against Chelsea today.

Aside from Smith the core of this season’s Belles squad remains very much one with a focus on youth with the departure of established players such as Irish international, and fanzine favourite, Aine O’Gorman and captain Katie Holtham giving the opportunity for Doncaster ’s younger stars to seize the initiative. Jess Sigsworth, Beth England, Kasia Lipka and Millie Bright have all been involved in England age group sides over the summer and all four started in the FA Cup defeat against Bristol City with England and Bright far and away the supporters’ choice for player of the match on that wet afternoon, an accolade just shaded by Bright in the end.

The 2013 FAWSL got under way last weekend with last year ’s bottom placed side Liverpool


THE BELLES,THE BELLES

Popular STAND fanzine is proud to be sponsoring Doncaster Rovers Belles forward Millie Bright for the 2013 season. Able to play up front or out wide Millie is a strong, versatile and committed attacking player who certainly isn’t afraid to give her all for the Belles’ cause.

In the Belles’ only competitive fixture so far this year Millie was voted player of the match in the most diplomatic vote we’ve ever witnessed; a bloke with a clipboard went round everyone present asking their choice. We are hopeful that she will continue on this form in today’s game and the rest of the season, and we’ll be delivering regular updates on her progress on the popular STAND website throughout the season.

taking the opportunity to set the early pace. The Reds created a hat pace. The Reds created a hat full of chances away at Lincoln Ladies but eventually it was just a single goal from Natasha Dowie which won the match at Sincil Bank. In the day’s other fixture the Belles’ opponents this afternoon Chelsea were held to a 1-1 draw at their Staines Town home by last year ’s runners-up Birmingham City. Sofia Jakobsson had given the London side the lead, but her goal was cancelled out in spectacular style by Rachel Williams who secured a point for Birmingham with a twenty-five yard scramer that cannoned in off the underside of the bar.

The Belles have worked hard to make their fixtures family friendly events in recent seasons and today’s game is no different. Ahead of the game Dion Dublin and Des Walker will be meeting fans, whilst Nottingham band The Establishment will lead the pre-match entertainment which includes a number of giveaways including t-shirts, programmes and even bells.

So whether we’re celebrating a huge stride toward promotion or hastily doing the maths over what exactly is needed at Brentford come 5pm today, please do take the opportunity to hang on for a bit longer at the stadium, get a drink, and lend your support to the town’s too often forgotten football stars.

BACK THE BELLES

MILLIEBRIGHT10


BLOWING MY OWN TRUMPET

A lot of kids dream about being a football commentator, including popular STAND editor Glen Wilson

A couple of years ago I was invited to a house party somewhere in central London where I knew no-one bar the guy I had tagged along with. Between the lift and the door to the flat I asked who’s house party it was I was about to attend and what they did. “They’re in a sketch troupe,” was my mate’s answer, said as if that were a normal sentence that someone might say. “Oh right,” I replied, before pressing on, “but what do they do for a living?” “That,” he replied, “they’re in a sketch troupe,” and in we went.

They were in a sketch troupe, and the other people present were actors who hadn’t acted in anything for a while and directors who were “still finding my true style, you know?” and so I coupled up with the only person in there I could relate to; a bottle of Sailor Jerrys. The night went downhill from that point, reaching a low when I tried to shake hands with a man who didn’t actually have a right arm… there’s no coming back from that. And so the next day I watched Rovers lose at Millwall through the worst hangover I’ve ever experienced.

The point I’m meandering past here is that I had a similar reaction to that experienced on that flat doorstep when I discovered that people could actually have a job as a commentator. Even as a child my reaction was “OK right… but what

do they do really?” You live in a simplified world as a child, where people work in generic terms, they are office workers, or van drivers or factory workers. My dad was a football manager at the weekends, but he was a PE teacher in the week, so surely the same was true of John Motson and his ilk. They must spend their weekdays narrating their way through actual proper jobs, maybe filing (“and that’s right out of the top drawer!”) or postroom duties (“can you believe it, a second card in as many minutes?!”).

But if you could be a commentator then it was a job that appealed to me. Getting paid to yell ”Goal!”, especially if you did it like those South American commentators you could hear in the background during Trans World Sport; where do I sign up? I already narrated our playground kick-abouts to a pretty decent standard; I was at least the third best in my class, and that was whilst playing so it must be a piece of piss to do it sat at a desk with a tv showing you replays.

Somehow my playground lexicon went undetected by BBC talent scouts and soon enough I grew up and realised that being a commentator, much like being in a sketch troupe, was something that other people did whilst I was getting drunk in the kitchen. And

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so I forgot all about that particular ambition, filed it away with train driver, being on Challenge Aneka and having my picture in Tony Hart’s gallery, and never gave it another thought… until January.

In January I moved to London, and was contemplating the trip to see Rovers at Stevenage. With money tied up in rent and flat deposits I couldn’t really afford it, unless I found a way to get in for free. I had a look on the forum and such an option appeared; owing to their two regular commentators now being unavailable they needed someone to fill in on Rovers Player. Get in for free, and say what you can see. How hard can that be I thought? So I replied offering to help, and within five minutes had been taken aboard.

Stevenage seemed to go ok, even those on the VSC forum seemed happy with what I’d delivered, and its along time since that’s happened. So I’ve done it again since. Five further times now. And I enjoy it, and it is a cushy job, as I always thought it would be in so much as though I may not be getting paid, but I am at least watching football for free, and I’ll never sniff at the opportunity to do that.

Cushy yes, but easy no. It can be very easy to get caught up in the game, or forget that the people you’re commentating for cannot see what you can see, but I’ve adopted a foolproof method that seems to have stood me well. Remember all the things that Alan Green has done that have caused me to switch off the radio or at least hurl objects in its direction… and do the opposite.

So I try not to whinge, or go off on tangents during the action, or make judgements on players, managers or referees. Just say what you see.

And when I say cushy I don’t mean luxury either. At Stevenage our position was above a gangway with a makeshift angled desk in front of us that was so high Paul Mayfield had to stand to see over it whenever the ball came to the near touchline. At Crawley I commentated with every wire in the press box plugged precariously into a four-way plug that swung between my feet, and that was after I almost turned off their floodlights fumbling for a light switch in what I thought was a toilet, but turned out to be their plant room. Against Tranmere, following a fault with the ISDN box, we delivered commentary, via an office phone, passing the receiver between us, like we were taking it in turns to catch up with a relative.

That Tranmere game also brought me full circle within my amateur commentary experience, as standing in the Keepmoat Press Room I could hear a familiar voice somewhere near me. After a while I picked out the source. It was John Helm, voice of all football I watched up until the age of twelve, the same voice I’d mimicked when booting a tennis-ball between two strewn NaffNaff jackets, chatting enthusiastically about Bradford Park Avenue whilst shovelling pie and peas in his mouth. After the match I found myself stood next to John Helm at a urinal. I eat pie. I piss in urinals. Though it’ll be a long time before I can also say it’s what I really do maybe commentary is something us mortals can turn our hand to after all.


In what could well become a regular series fanzine stalwart John Coyle recounts his first ever Rovers match

VOICE OF THE POP SIDE

The autumn of 1969 saw Rovers doing well in the old League Division Three. Lawrie McMenemy’s team had won the Fourth Division title the previous season and had followed that up with a start that saw only two defeats in the opening 14 League matches. Rovers had also been the only team to lower the colours of the Division’s pace-setters Luton Town, a 2-0 win at Belle Vue being witnessed by over 17,000 fans. In addition, Lawrie Sheffield had returned to the club where a few years before he had been a star. The striker had hit 28 League goals in 1965-66’s Division Four Championship campaign and his subsequent sale to Norwich City had caused anger and despair amongst Rovers fans. The Prodigal Son marked his return by scoring in a 3-1 win at Walsall, and the next game, at home to Bristol Rovers, would see Sheffield’s return to Belle Vue.

A crowd of 10,065 turned up for the visit of one of the League’s “other” Rovers. Bristol Rovers had enjoyed a decent start to the season, winning eight of their opening 18

fixtures. Their team included Ray Graydon, now their manager, on the right wing. It was the opposing No. 7, Chris Rabjohn, who opened the scoring on a wet and windy afternoon. After 10 minutes he collected a ball from the left winger, Brian Usher, and juggled it before firing a low shot wide of Taylor. Although the home side had the upper hand, Bristol’s Rovers continued to pose problems and after 27 minutes they equalised when Bobby Jones’s 35 yard shot found its way past John Ogston. Playing with the wind, the West Country side almost took the lead when Harold Wilcockson’s last-ditch block denied Stubbs. At the interval it was 1-1, and if Donny had faded after a promising start at least they would have the advantage of the wind as they attacked the Rossington End in the second period.

In fact the wind proved not to be so much of an advantage as it was now so strong as to disrupt any attempts at passing football. However Rovers went back in front after 66 minutes following a corner. Usher ’s kick fell to Rod

DONCASTER ROVERS 3-1 BRISTOL ROVERSFOOTBALL LEAGUE DIVISION 3

SATURDAY 8TH NOVEMBER 1969

Johnson who had two shots blocked but then the ball found John Haselden who was able to slot it home from close range. Rovers tended to dominate after that, and in the dying minutes Usher, who had been influential throughout, sent over a cross that John Flowers hammered past Taylor. Although Sheffield and his striker partner John Regan had had rather quiet games, the midfielders and wingers had done their stuff. It was a good win for Rovers, their tenth of the campaign, and it left them in 7th place, only three points behind leaders Rochdale. However, it marked something of a high point, as Rovers managed only two more wins in the League before mid-March and a promising season


petered out with a final placing of 11th.

None of this mattered to an eight-year-old boy seated in the Main Stand watching his first live game of football. Enthralled by the game and fascinated by the crowd (which seemed very large indeed) he vowed to return and to support Doncaster Rovers. 43 years on he’s still here.

Rovers: Ogston, Wilcockson, Gray, Flowers, Robertson, Haselden, Rabjohn, Regan, Sheffield, Johnson, Usher. Sub: Gilfillan.Bristol Rovers: L. Taylor, Stanton, Parsons, Roberts, S. Taylor, Prince, Graydon, W. Jones, Stubbs, B. Jones (Munro), Jarman.

By the time you read this it is just possible that Doncaster Rovers will have clinched promotion from League One. As a natural-born pessimist I still believe, at the time of writing, that the season will go down to the final game and the away trip to Brentford will be the most important game we’ve faced since the Play-Off Final at Wembley five years ago. The efficient way in which Rovers dealt with two of their promotion rivals, Swindon and Tranmere, within the space of five days at the Keepmoat, bore the stamp of a championship-winning team. Those ultra-professional displays were sandwiched between an abject first-half display at Coventry and a disappointing home loss to Carlisle. I hope that there will be three more “Swindon” or “Tranmere” performances between now and the end of the season, though I can’t help wondering if the team has

got their “Coventry” and “Carlisle” efforts completely out their systems.

If we do win the title then history will have been made. Since the introduction of Divisions Three and Four, to replace the old regionalised leagues, Rovers have never won the third tier of English football. The 1965-66, 1968-69 and 2003-04 championships were all achieved in the League’s bottom division and promotion back to the old “Division Two” in 2007-08 was, of course, gained via the play-offs. Rovers’ earlier spells in Division Two, in the 1930s and 1950s, were achieved by winning Division Three North, and further back, before World War One, they were twice elected to a Football League that had only two divisions. That perhaps puts into context what this team could achieve this season.

JC


SECRET LIVES OF THE ROVERS

Mike Follows calls time on his series looking at the parallel universe inhabited by some of your favourite Rovers stars

with his most startling revalation of the lot.

Poet Laureate, Cecil Day-Lewis and his actress wife, Jill Balcon were keen patrons of the arts and avid film fans. But even back in 1957 they lamented the fact that all football films are, to be really honest, a bit shit. Whilst nobody can predict the future, they knew deep-down that it would take a radical new approach to make a movie about the national game that stands up on cinematic merit. That’s how they came up with an idea that’s set to rock football fans and cinema goers to their boots.

In recent times, the line between fiction and reality has become somewhat blurred thanks in no small part to vapid nonentities like the casts of The Only Way is Essex and Made in Chelsea. The intellectual balance is soon to be restored though and the public will be left wondering if anybody is who they claim to be when this year ’s biggest release, Noisy hits the silver screen.

Daniel Day-Lewis was born on 29th April 1957 and was always destined to be an actor. Coming from such an artistic background, he was encouraged from his infant

days to live his roles as a method actor and so at the tender age of eight weeks, he began studying for the role that is set to define his career. On the 1st of July that year, in an inauspicious house in the Black Country the baby Day-Lewis began spending time with a family by the name of O’Driscoll.

As he grew up, Day-Lewis needed a cover story for spending more time in the West Midlands. He signed youth forms with Willenhall Town in 1968 and his parents said that they’d sent him away to Sevenoaks boarding school in Kent. Two years later when people became suspicious and started to investigate this cover story it was claimed that he’d moved on again, this time to Bedales School in Hampshire. For the sake of keeping up appearances it was around this time that he took his first film role, playing a vandal in Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Throughout the 1970’s, Day-Lewis concentrated on developing his skills as a footballer and in 1979 he signed his first professional contract at Fulham. He carried on studying and performing theatre

NOISY; THE GREATEST FOOTBALL STORY EVER TOLD


roles in between matches but in 1982 he faced something of a dilemma when he needed to take some time away from Fulham to play a small part in Gandhi.

As luck would have it both Cecil Day-Lewis and the O’Driscoll family were of Irish descent and Daniel qualified to play for the country so he found the perfect excuse to take a leave of absence from Craven Cottage as he made his international debut, nipping off for a few days’ filming on the way back. This ploy was quite successful and between three U21 games and the same number of senior appearances, he managed to spend enough time away from Fulham to become a star of the Royal Shakespeare Company. Stratford-on-Avon was ideally located between London and Wolverhampton so he had the ideal excuse to “visit family”. He would often head straight out from a training session and swap jockstrap for codpiece in the same day. Audiences at the time did comment on a strong smell of Wintergreen emanating from the stage but otherwise he got away with it.

Clearly if he was to get to the top of his game in the acting profession, Day-Lewis couldn’t maintain a career with a high-profile club like Fulham so in 1984 he made the move to Bournemouth. So perfect a foil were the South Coast club that he spent the next 22 years there, accumulating 423 league appearances, a Third Division playoff win and two Best Actor Oscars.

In 2002, Martin Scorsese wanted Day-Lewis for a role in his epic Gangs of New York and this posed something of a problem. His alter ego was enjoying a productive season as manager of Bournemouth, eventually leading them to the aforementioned playoff victory. Scorsese was insistent on getting his man and Day-Lewis eventually gave in to him. During filming, he pretended to be suffering from pneumonia so he could fly back to England for a 3-1 victory at home to Rushden and Diamonds. He then took charge of a 2-2 draw at Darlo before jetting back out to Hollywood to finish off the film.

Gangs of New York was released on 20th December 2002 after many delays which we now know were caused by Day-Lewis’s fixture schedule, compounded by an FA Cup run which saw Doncaster Rovers beaten 2-1 at Dean Court. There was no time to celebrate the film’s premiere as there was the important business of getting a 0-0 draw at home to Hull City the next day. Incredibly, despite


before returning to his apron when Cameron Diaz walks in. This was dismissed at the time by Scorsese as “A trick of the light. A mere optical illusion.”

Day Lewis’s “Sean O’Driscoll” character ’s achievements as manager of Doncaster Rovers are well known to Popular STAND readers but his departure from the club is widely regarded as a strange occurrence. He left the club on 23rd September 2011. Filming for his latest film for which he won a record third Best Actor gong, Lincoln began in Richmond, Virginia in October 2011. At last, the indelible proof that Daniel Day Lewis and Sean O’Driscoll are one and the same.

SECRET LIVES OF THE ROVERS// CONTINUED

the gruelling journeys back and forth across the Atlantic, Day-Lewis managed to win the Best Actor award and the Division Three playoffs following a 5-2 victory over Lincoln City. Eagle-eyed viewers may be able to spot a continuity error in the film around the 45 minute mark. Day-Lewis’s character, Bill the Butcher appears in a bloodstained apron then, following a close-up of Leonardo DiCaprio he is clearly wearing an AFC Bournemouth tracksuit with the letters “SO’D” on the jacket

MF


on a regular basis, and still playing matches against like-minded supporters. Four of the original R’sonists are still involved with the team, and that continuity has helped the team to stick to its founding principles, playing football for fun against like-minded fans. In those 15 years the R’sonists have built a very strong reputation within the IFA’s teams for playing the game the right way, and it is of this, more than any results or trophies won, that the R’sonists are most proud of.

This season the R’sonists have played six matches, against the supporters’ teams of Shrewsbury, Barnsley, Sheffield United, Buxton, Tranmere and Crewe with mixed results. With many of the team’s longer serving members now nurturing families or faced with more grown-up commitments the R’sonists have often struggled to raise teams to play away fixtures, indeed only the Crewe match of those listed above was played on the road. And it is due to this that the side has recently stepped up their player recruitment efforts, so that they can return fixtures to the sides who have very kindly visited Doncaster.

So if you watch Rovers regularly, and fancy an occasional game in the morning ahead of a Doncaster match, then visit the R’sonists’ website today for further information on how you can get involved;

Are you a Doncaster Rovers supporter? Are you a reasonable happy-go-lucky sort of person? Can you kick a football in roughly the direction you intend it to go? If the answer to these three questions is yes, then the Donny R’sonists would like to hear from you.

The R’sonists were formed in 1998 by members of a Doncaster Rovers internet mailing list (what we did in the early days of the internet before forums and messageboards and the like). The mailing list had been at the forefront of protests against the then Rovers ‘benefactor’ Ken Richardson and his puppet-in-position Mark Weaver. When the season ended, and Rovers looked set to be no more the group decided to enter a football team in the Internet Football Association’s annual WorldNET tournament as a last hurrah, and the Donny R’sonists were born.

Taking their name from a play on words of Mr Richardson’s name and known activities the R’sonists continued the nods to their reason for founding by kicking off their first ever match with a pantomime horse – named Blockton Brown, as a nod to Richardson’s involvement in the Flockton Grey affair - up front, and have maintained that level of professionalism ever since.

Fifteen years on, the R’sonists are still going, still attending WorldNET

THE DONNYR’SONISTS

http://donnyrsonists.weebly.com

Levels L1 to L2 L2 to L3 L3 to L4Bradford PA 1 to 3 1920-21 1921-22Bristol City 1 to 4 1979-80 1980-81 1981-82Cardiff 2 to 4 1984-85 1985-86Carlisle 2 to 4 1985-86 1986-87Crystal Palace 1 to 3 1972-73 1973-74Doncaster 2 to 4 1957-58 1958-59Fulham 1 to 3 1967-68 1968-69Huddersfield 1 to 3 1971-72 1972-73Northampton 1 to 3 1965-66 1966-67Notts County 1 to 3 1983-84 1984-85Swansea 1 to 3 1982-83 1983-84Swindon 1 to 3 1993-94 1994-95Wolves 1 to 4 1983-84 1984-85 1985-86

CONSECUTIVE RELEGATIONS IN FL


WINDMILLS OFYOUR MIND

From his secret Netherlands hide-out our very own stats man gives you his latest intel; here’s Dutch Uncle’s very own

Hitchikers Guide

Following the brilliant example of Douglas Adams here is a Trilogy in Four Parts, or four more items of random unconnected miscellany to rival even Vogon poetry for excitement.

1. Consecutive Football League Relegations

The thought of a healthy dose of Schadenfreude enticed me to read a recent article on the BBC website about the current plight of Wolverhampton Wanderers. The title included the phrase ‘Consecutive

Relegations’ and made me think it might be about the possibility that a certain Welsh manager might experience relegation from the Championship in consecutive seasons. In fact the article was about football league clubs that have suffered relegation in consecutive seasons, of which it was claimed there were 13. It was then stated that Wolves might become the first club to suffer this fate twice.

A little research shows that the ‘lucky’ 13 clubs are as shown below:

Notes:• Doncaster the only club above never to have played at Level 1• Notts Co and Wolves dropped in parallel 1983-4 and 1984-5; Wolves then dropped even further• Wolves and Cardiff dropped in parallel 1984-5 and 1985-6• Crystal Palace fell in parallel to Huddersfield but one season later• Carlisle fell parallel to Cardiff but one season later


Now a pedant mathematician would point out that the triple relegations suffered by Bristol City and Wolves are in themselves two cases of consecutive relegations, but it is indeed true that Wolves might indeed become the first club to experience two non-overlapping pairs of consecutive relegations. After the chaos of last season several people might have thought that Rovers could be candidates to emulate their fate of 1957-8 and 1958-9 and thus become the first club to reach this target... so clearly when Dean saw that this was not going to happen with Doncaster I guess he decided his chances of achieving this rare chance of a football league first would be better at Wolves.

[NB. Dutch’s piece was compiled before Portsmouth suffered a consecutive relegation in midweek]

2. Make Mine a Double

The perils of writing a stat based article well before a match mean that certain stats might be overcome by events. However at the time of writing this article (after the Carlisle match) we have played an awful lot of league matches since we last had a player scoring twice in one game. How many of you can recall Mamadou Bagayoko’s only two goals for the club coming at Elland Road last season before Leeds scored the latest of late winners I can ever remember? Well that was the last time we had a personal double and we have played no fewer than 59 League matches since then. This is the second longest such run in the

history of the club. By the way earlier this season David Syers did score 2 in a game, but these were against Hull in the Football League Cup.

The club record sequence across all league and conference games is 66 league games without a personal double. By the time O’Neil Donaldson scored his only two goals for the club at Colchester in the third game ofthe 1994-5 season, most people had forgotten Steve Richards’ two late goals (89th and 90th minute) to rescue a point at Halifax in the 20th league match of 1992-3, a mere 67 matches earlier.

Indeed the 1993-4 season remains the only season in our entire Football League and Conference history in which we have not had a single player scoring twice in a match - neither in league matches nor cup matches. Our leading scorer was Kevin Hulme with 8 league goals and 1 league cup goal. Even in our most horrific seasons we have found a league double somewhere. In the self-inflicted disaster that was 1997-8 when we scored only 30 goals in 46 league games Prince Moncrieffe still managed to find the net twice in the Home game with Hartlepool - not sure what Jeff Stelling would have made of that. And in the dreadful season that was 1904-5 when we scored only 23 league goals, and our leading scorers had only 3 goals to their name, nevertheless there were no fewer than three occasions when a player scored twice in a league match!


As a further bit of context, one has to go back to West Ham United in 2009-10 to find the last instance when any Football League or Conference Premier club went through the whole season without a single player scoring a personal double in a league match. It is not impossible that we might end up going through the whole season without a single personal double - and still end up with promotion. I am not able to check, but it would not surprise me if that would be the first ever such occasion.

I suppose there would be a certain symmetry in this since the last time we were promoted from this division I believe there may well have been a similar record to do with low goalscoring. In that season our leading scorer had only 7 goals in League matches (Hayter, Heffernan & JJ Price). This may well also be an all time low for a leading goalscorer for a promoted team. I have only been able to find other two instances in the last 45 years. The first is Swansea in 1999-2000 who had three players as joint top scorer with 7 league goals each when they won tier 4. Coincidentally our very own JJ Price scored 6 league goals for Swansea that season, and thus just missed out on being top scorer in both cases. The other occasion also has a Rovers connection in that was Colchester in 1997-8 when they finished 4th in tier 4 and

subsequently won the play-offs. That was in the season when they played in the last match at Belle Vue before we dropped out of the League into the Conference. Surprisingly none of their strikers were able to fill their boots sufficiently score more than 7 in the whole league season, even with two opportunities at a Rovers defence which leaked 113 goals. One of the players finishing on 7 goals for Colchester that season was Mark Sale, maybe supporting the suspicion that scoring goals was not Colchester’s main strength that season. By the way both Swansea and Colchester had personal doubles during those seasons.

[Such is fate - Billy Paynter went and struck a brace at Crewe just days after Dutch submitted this piece.]

3. Club Best Away Record?

A few words about our remarkable away record this season. As has been pointed out our best ever away season was in 1946-7 when we set the Football League records for the most away wins and best away record - both of which still stand today. Out of 21 away matches we won a staggering 18, drew one, and lost 2 (MK Dons did equal our total of 18 away wins in 2007-8, but from 23 games). This season is already certain to be our second best away record in our League and Conference history, with the seasons to beat being 2002-3 when we won the Conference playoffs (Played 21 Won 11 Drew 6, Lost 4) and 1949-50 when we were champions of Division 3 North

WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND// CONTINUED


(Played 21 Won 10, Drew 8, Lost 3).

According to some people, when completing our run of 12 away games unbeaten earlier this season, we also beat a long standing club record of 11 league games unbeaten away from home. This was achieved 3 times, namely 2007-8, 1968-9 and (unsurprisingly) in 1946-7.

However in 1946-7 the 11 games away from home undefeated were actually the first 11 away games of the season. The preceding league season was 1938-9, with only wartime competition in between. We were undefeated in the final 6 away games of 1938-9, so by my calculations that is 17 consecutive league away matches undefeated across a 7 year time period! By the way there were actually 4 players involved in some of those away matches in both seasons, namely Syd Bycroft, Jack Kirkaldie, Bob McFarlane and Les Owens.

As an aside, the two away matches lost in 1946-7 were to eventual runners-up Rotherham, and surprisingly to Halifax who actually finished bottom. Maybe our away defeat at Bury (who may well finish bottom) can turn out to be a good omen.

4. Top Ex Conference Club?

Rovers are currently one of 21 clubs in the Football League who have experienced Conference football since its inception as the Football Alliance in 1979-80, and have thus earned their place in the Football League directly via on field performance rather than election.

For the last 4 years, as the only one of those 21 teams playing in tier 2, we have finished the season as the highest placed ex-Conference club in the Football League. During the season before that, while we were finishing third in League 1 and winning the promotion playoffs Colchester were playing in, and being relegated from, the Championship. A fifth consecutive season as highest placed ex-Conference Club seems very much a possibility as we are guaranteed to finish higher than all of Carlisle, Colchester, Crawley, Shrewsbury and Stevenage and we only need to keep our noses in front of our friends from Yeovil.

Caveat - no figures quoted in this article are official. Dutch Uncle uses many sources including club handbooks, Rothmans/Sky annuals, and best of all the official Rovers history by Bluff & Watson. For definitive data the reader is referred to Tony Bluff and/or Barry Watson.

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THE MANAGERS’ SECRET DIARIES

Jack The Miner has managed to lay his hands on some very special documents, rather than do the honest thing and hand them in to the authorities, or just plain leave them alone,

we bring them to you here.It was wrong of me but it was too good a chance to miss. Wandering around the Keepmoat one day I got hopelessly lost and found myself in an unoccupied office. On the desk were two notebooks.

The first was a heavy, leather bound book with gold inlays. Inside, inscribed in gothic lettering were the words ‘Dean Saunders – Diary of a Legend’. The second was a small, pink, My Little Pony notebook. The first page bore the words ‘My diary, by Brian Flynn.’

I shouldn’t have looked but it was too good a chance to miss and gave me a fascinating insight into the two characters, especially in terms of their match day experiences.

Here are extracts from each, describing their days from breakfast through to bedtime.

PRE-MATCH

DS I took off my essence of jasmine slumber mask to reveal a bright sunny day. Excited, as likely to be tons of media there today.

BF Haven’t slept a wink. Up all night pondering team selection, tactics etc.

DS Check e-mails and post. Still no invitation to sit on the Match of the Day couch. Assume delayed due to admin oversight. Make note to self to call Lawro and find out what’s what. Make further note to self to check what he’s using on his hair these days. Looking good Lawro my main man.

BF Ring ground to establish state of pitch, moisture content, wind direction, pollen count etc. Have already got all the data I need relating to the lunar cycle, the tides and fluctuations in the polar axis.

DS Feeling better after a breakfast of wild Canadian smoked salmon (flown in overnight for little old me) and champagne, followed by deep body massage and body waxing. Back, sack and crack today so wearing pure silk boxers. They sit a little high on the thigh but they are stylish, whilst providing luxury and comfort. Because I’m worth it.

BF Clean teeth. Eat bowl of Coco Pops. Still haven’t found the free toy.

DS Take half an hour to choose a suit and a whole hour to pick a tie.


What am I like?

BF Track suit and trainers on. Ready to go but Mrs F sends me back as trackie top not ironed and she won’t let me out of the house all scruffy, as she says it reflects badly on her.

DS Have to re-shower as overdid the hair mousse. Took the raffish curl out of my hair. Took ages to scrunch and dry and leave a bit of natural looking wave in there.

BF All ready to go but Mrs F sends me back. Apparently I’ve not washed my neck and I’d not brushed my hair properly. Hope she doesn’t find the free toy while I’m sorting myself out.

DS These brogues don’t look right with this suit. Another note to self to buy some of those Chelsea boots like the ones Daniel Craig wears in Skyfall. Spend ages ringing around all the radio and TV stations to see if anyone wants a word but no-one seemed to want to take my calls. All a bit busy on a Saturday I guess. Still, gives me some quality time on my own to light some joss sticks and focus on my spiritual wellbeing. Kama ruined by realisation I’m low on the Yak butter face serum.

BF Seem to have avoided the distractions of the media. Get to stadium nice and early. Check kit. Check spare kit. Check kit again. What if free toy is another plastic monkey? I’ve got two already. Maybe I should buy Coco Pops from a different shop. What if all of Asda’s Coco Pops packets have got

plastic monkeys in them? Probably ought to try Morrisons. Maybe I could swap my duplicates with someone else?

DS Ready for the off, but turn round and go back. These shoes just aren’t right. Bit of a panic at Keepmoat. Arrive with seconds to spare. Ref wanted team sheet. Hadn’t really given it any thought, what with everything I had to do today. Luckily had last week’s team list in suit pocket.

BF Checked length of grass, netting, flags etc. Checked tactical notes. Welcome opposition manager and officials. Prepare and give pre-match briefing. A busy boy is a happy boy. Ready for the off.

* * *

POST MATCH

DS Gave some great interviews. Managed to get in all the one-liners I’d been working on all week. Got a bit stuck on the question about our goal. Didn’t see it and no-idea who scored it but thought I’d managed to get by with the old chestnut of ‘he goes in where it hurts and takes a gamble on the near post’. Was told later we’d scored from a penalty but think I just about got away with it because of my cheeky smile.

BF Nice day’s work. Didn’t see our opener as Humey’s big head blocked my view. Couldn’t see over big Kyle Bennett for the second and missed the third as Copps was towering over me and was in the way. Just my luck to get these


bloomin’ giants obscuring my line of sight.

DS Watched Match of the Day. Liked Lawros’ shirt. Further note to self. Ask Lawro where he’s getting his shirts from these days. Watched The Football League Show. I should never have worn that tie with that shirt. Pleased I changed shoes though. Will call my stylist tomorrow as I’m in turmoil over my dug-out fashion. Bit surprised to see we’d drawn. No

THE MANAGERS’ SECRET DIARIES// CONTINUED

JTM

wonder the lads were looking a bit down in the dumps. Even more surprised to see we’d been playing Stevenage. How was I supposed to know? Still, would have been worse if I’d not changed those shoes.

BF Watched The Football League Show. Re-wind and watch again and then again making notes this time with bowl of Coco Pops. Find the free toy. Brilliant day.

BF Got phone call at 2 in the morning. It was Saunders wanting to see if I’d swap a Coco Pops giraffe for a monkey, so that’s a bit of a result. The day just gets better.

AND FINALLY...We were delighted to see the BBC using a very accurate onscreen captioning when interviewing Scunthorpe fans ahead of last month’s derby. Good job the Football League Show is on after the watershed.

Thanks to the VSC Forum users for the spot and the image.

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