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MEETINGS

Polite Ways to Decline aMeeting Invitationby Liane Davey

MAY 17, 2016

There it is in your inbox: a meeting invite to a meeting you really don’t want to attend. Maybe

because it’s shoe-horned into one of the few remaining white spaces in your calendar. Or it’s

for a time that’s already booked, and now you’re left to decide whom to turn down. Whatever

the reason, sometimes you need to decline a meeting invite.

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Finally, if you believe the meeting will be valuable and that you would make a contribution to

the discussions, you need to decide whether or not the meeting is a priority for you right

now . How central is the meeting topic to your role? Where does the issue t relative to your

other immediate demands? How unique is your contribution and could your seat be better

lled by someone else?

If you can’t say yes to any of the three criteria above, then it’s appropriate to decline the

meeting, but tread carefully. You want to leave your co-worker feeling that you’re a good team

player and a positive contributor, even if you don’t attend her meeting. Consider a few

different options:

Can I stop the meeting altogether? If the meeting failed criteria #1 because you don’t believe

it’s set up for success, take a moment to talk with the organizer about your concerns. It’s

possible the person will dismiss your comments, but it’s possible that you trigger one of two

positive outcomes: either the meeting gets better positioned for success or it gets cancelled.

Try one of the following approaches:

“This is an interesting topic. Based on our current year priorities, I’m not sure we’re ready

for a productive conversation yet. Would it be possible to push this meeting back and let theworking group make a little more progress before we meet?”

“I’m looking forward to making some decisions on this issue. From the meeting invite, it

doesn’t look like Production is involved. I would like to wait until someone from

Production is willing to join. Otherwise, we won’t be able to make any decisions.”

“Based on the information in the invitation, it looks like this meeting is for informational

purposes. Would it be possible to get a summary sent out rather than convening a

meeting?”

Can I recommend someone else? If the meeting is important, but it failed criteria #2 because

you’re not the right person for the job, try recommending someone else. Be sure to invest

some effort in nding the right person so you don’t appear to be shirking the responsibility.

Try oating these options:

Polite Ways to Decline a Meeting Invitation

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“I’m attered that you are interested in my input. I don’t believe I’m the best qualied on

this topic. I did a little digging and it looks like Pat would have the necessary context.

Would you be comfortable inviting Pat rather than me?”

“Given that this is a decision-making meeting, I think it’s more appropriate to have my

manager represent our team.”

“Thanks for the invite to this meeting. I don’t think I’m required at this point. If it’s alright

with you, I’d like to send Jose as my delegate.”

Can I contribute in advance? If the meeting failed criterion #3 (you determined that it was an

important topic on which you could add unique value, but attending the meeting doesn’t t

with your schedule or priorities), you have the opportunity to add value in advance. Take a

few minutes to pull together some notes and to brief the chair or a suitable participant. That

will be much more efficient than attending the entire meeting. You can respond to theorganizer by saying:

“This is going to be an important discussion. I’m not able to attend, but I will nd some

time to share my thoughts so you can include them in the discussion.”

“I’m sorry that I can’t attend the meeting. If I prepare you in advance, could I ask that you

represent my ideas at the meeting?”

Can I attend for part of the meeting? If one or more agenda items did meet all three of your

criteria, whereas others didn’t, you might have the option of attending for part of the meeting.

You can respond with one of the following:

“Thanks for the invite. I think it’s really important for me to be part of the discussion on

rebranding. Given a few other priorities at the moment, I’m going to excuse myself oncethat item is complete.”

“Would it be possible to cover the rebranding discussion as the rst agenda item? I can’t

stay for the entire meeting but I’d really like to contribute on that one.”

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Regardless of which option you choose, you’re trying to do three things. First, model

deliberateness about the use of time. Second, share your rationale so that the meeting

organizer has some context for why you’re not participating. Third, make an effort to meet the

organizer’s needs, even if it’s not in the way they had originally envisioned.

It might be a bit of a culture shock at rst, but all the overwhelmed people with 35 hours aweek of meetings will quickly admire your discipline. Just remember, you need to afford the

same courtesy to the people who decline the invites you send!

Liane Davey is the cofounder of 3COze Inc. She is the author of You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, GetAlong, and Get Stuff Done and a coauthor of Leadership Solutions: The Pathway to Bridge the Leadership Gap .

Follow her on Twitter at @LianeDavey.

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5 COMMENTS

daniel Williams 19 hours ago

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My God , what PC world does this person live in? Be direct with meeting invites, you SHOULD know if themeeting is important to you or your group. If the answer is NO simply tell the meeting originator that time onthis planet is nite and you will not waste yours on this meeting. Start being direct and say what is factual,you PC advise wastes everyone's time and cost money !

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