Plain Language Initiative May 2007

Plain Language Initiative

May 2007

Los Angeles County Management Council


Chronology of Plain Language Initiative

– Plain Language and the Commission

– What has worked well

– What we want to happen in the future


Plain Language Committee Charter

– Explore the feasibility of implementing a plain language project within the County

Promote awareness among County managers about the benefits

Develop and maintain an active website to access information, sample documents and offer “best practice” sites

Provide computer based training for Network managers and appropriate staff


Commission and CAO support – Involved all departments at the highest

levels– Worked with department heads who

would benefit most CSSD, TTC, DPSS, DHR, Consumer

Affairs and CAO Consultant– Presented to the Guiding Coalition– Surveyed 30 departments - about 50%

aware of the need to communicate in plain language


Plain Language benefits– Improve customer service– Gets your message across the first time– More people understand your message– Less chance your document will be

misunderstood– Increase staff productivity/reduce costs

“If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it well.”

- Albert Einstein


Plain Language Work Plan– Enhance Awareness

Training, Tag line, Success Stories Websites

– http://qpc.co.la.ca.us– www.plainlanguage.gov– www.impact-information.com

County Digest, Newsletters, Posters, Department Visits, PQA and PIF applications

Network Managers Computer Based Training


Software Evaluation Tool– Measure the effectiveness of the

software Enhance communication? Increase productivity?

– Pilot (March – May 2006)– Evaluation (June)


Style Writer – Best word processing add-on on the

market– Teaches you to write in the style of top

authors and journalists by checking every document for thousands of style and English usage faults

– Ten times more powerful than any other writing aid

– Improves writing style instantly– Augments grammar and spell check


Computer Based Training (Style Writer)

– Allows staff to use plain language Software offers the user prompts

which promote writing in plain language

Greatly assists the users to communicate more effectively and efficiently


Plain Language is the official U.S. Government writing style

– 1972, President Nixon decreed all agency rules are to be in layman’s terms

– 1977, President Carter ordered all agencies and departments to use plain English

– 1998, President Clinton launched a plain-language initiative


Cost Savings Example

If the head of an agency sends a two-page circular to 20,000 employees what’s the cost? Based on government statistics of employing a federal employee at $25 an hour multiplied by the five minutes it takes to read, the cost of the circular is $40,000. Writing a circular 30 percent shorter with the same content saves $12,000 in staff time.


To write in plain language, you must:– Keep your average sentence short– Use active rather than passive verbs– Prefer the simple word to the complex

word– Cut all unnecessary words– Keep jargon to a minimum – Use correct spelling, punctuation, and

grammar– Read and edit everything you write


Results of using Style Writer – Readers act on your suggestions– People compliment you on your

style and clarity– Contracts don’t cause disputes

because they are clear– Web pages get more visitors– Press releases get more media

coverage


Setting a high standard for documents– The Style Writer can measure your writing so

you can aim for our recommended plain language scores - doesn’t limit content or structure content

– Target scores are set– Use Style Writer's advice until you get good

or excellent ratings– Once you consistently write within the target

scores, you will be a plain language writer


Plain Language Project – Department of Consumer Affairs – Rewrote consumer brochures, web pages,

phone messages, and form letters– Before plain language – 5,000 callers per

month– After plain language – 3,500 callers per

month– 30 percent reduction with annual savings

of $50,000


Good Writing Targets– Style Index – overall assessment of

your writing and includes passive verbs, long sentences, complex words, wordy phrases

– Passive Index – measures the number of passive verbs compared to the number of sentences in your document

– Average Sentence Length – measures the important yardstick to readability


Good Writing Targets

Score Minimum

Standard

Ideal Score

Style Index Under 40 0-20

Passive Index Under 30 0-10

Average Sentence Length

Under 20 14-18


Sentence Length– Keep your average sentence length

between 15 and 20 words

– Cut down long sentences

– Vary the length of your sentences


Long: As you may be aware, the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee is currently reviewing the evidence relating dietary factors to health and will advise the Departments of Agriculture and Health and Human Services of any changes needed for the next edition of the Dietary Guidelines for Americans (46-word sentence)

Group Exercise -


Shorter: As you may be aware, The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee is currently reviewing the evidence relating dietary factors of diet on health. and It will advise the Departments of Agriculture and Health and Human Services of any changes needed for the next edition of the Dietary Guidelines for Americans. (Average: 19 words)


Imagine a Reader Listening to You– Write for your readers

Imagine your reader standing in front of you, listening to you read your document

Would they effortlessly take in everything you say?

If not, would you cut some nonessential information and rephrase it in a clearer style?

Read the formal versus natural conversation sample


Formal: However, as you are probably aware a decision concerning the acceptability or otherwise of your proposed project has not been taken in view of the potential effect on historic properties and the fact that the breadth of the potential problems is still becoming apparent, the Agency is not in a position to inform any applicant as to the stat of the program of their application.


Natural: The Agency has not yet decided on your project because the effects on historic properties are still unclear. We cannot yet tell you if we will approve your application.


Put the most important information first– Use the Five-Ws to summarize the most

important information for your reader

– This will encourage you to write with clear, factual and relevant information


Use the Five-Ws Technique

– Who – What – Where – When – Why


– FDA Stops Human Gene Therapy Experiments

The Food and Drug Administration (who) today (when) halted four human gene therapy experiments (what) conducted by a leading researcher at Yale (where) who was trying to grow new blood vessels in patients with heart disease (why).


Wordy Phrases

Wordy Concise

an amount of $100 $100

at the present time now

in addition to besides, also

in order to to

in relation to about, in, with, towards

on a regular basis regularly


Complex Words

– Complex: We will endeavor to assist you.

– Simple: We will try to help you.


Words to avoid Words to use– Additional extra, more, added– Approximately about, around, roughly– Commenced started, began– Facilitates simplifies, eases, helps– Forwarded sent, sent on– Purchases buys– Regarding about


Abstract Writing– Abstract: Running our new facility will

improve our system performance.

– Specific: Running Sun’s database saves three hours printing the payroll report.


Editing Thoroughly– Good writing comes from strong

editingRead your workRecognize unnecessary

repetition, ambiguous statements

Add new information and read your work again


Example of Plain Language Editing

Original:

The purpose of this document is to detail the

reasons for rewriting the Audit Tool as

opposed to just updating it.

Group Exercise


Example of Plain Language Editing

Redraft:

This report explains the reasons for rewriting the Audit Tool rather than updating it.


Passive Verbs– Replacing passive verbs with active verbs means

your: Style becomes more personal and less official Style is simpler and less awkward Readers get more information Meaning becomes clearer and more precise Sentences are shorter and more effective


Original (four passive verbs highlighted)

– It was estimated by the research that half of the states and localities would adopt this approach, and that savings of up to $900 million a year could be made. However, to make sure these savings are guaranteed, estimates will need to be recalculated by the Department for accuracy.

Group Exercise


Active voice – redraft (34 percent shorter)

– The research estimated half the states would adopt this approach and could save up to $900 million a year. The Department will need to recalculate the estimates to guarantee these savings are accurate.


Business Clichés (clichés highlighted)Please find the enclosed Agency’s response in respect of Freedom of Information request.

We apologize for any inconvenience that may have been caused due to the unforeseen circumstances that have arisen due to factors beyond our control that caused the response to be two weeks late.

Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to call me.

Group Exercise


Business Clichés (Natural Style)

Dear Mr. Davidson:

I am sorry our response is two weeks late, but we needed ten extra days to collect and analyze the Department of Defense’s recently published figures.

If you have any questions, please call me.


Strong Verbs and Specific Nouns Exercise– Original:

It is self-evident that if we give staff more training in the future, the better they will perform.


Strong Verbs and Specific Nouns Exercise

– Redraft:

Giving staff more training helps them perform better.

(8 words)


Overwriting– Use qualifying words with caution

– Every time you use one to add emphasis question whether you need it or see if you can use a stronger word instead


Overwriting: Your letter completely convinced us that a change in our procedures is definitely necessary.

Redraft: Your letter convinced us that a change in our procedures is necessary.


Written material is in plain language if your audience can:– Find what they need– Understand what they find– Use what they find to meet their

needs


Getting Started - Demo– Department IT Support to install software– Open a Word Document

Click on Style Writer button– Click on the Help button– Click on “Using StyleWriter”

– Click on Analysis button Click on Statistical Summary Track your target scores over time

– E-mail QPC office with questions


Visit our website http://qpc.co.la.ca.us

“The difficulty is not to write, but to write what you mean, not to affect the reader, but to affect him precisely as you wish.”

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Plain Language Initiative May 2007

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