What's a pirate's least favourite drink?VinegAAARRRRRR!

• What do you call a pirate who can't move his arms or his legs?PARRalyzed!

• What kind of laundry detergent do pirates like best?Tide!

• This pirate wants to buy a parrot. So, he• goes to the pet shop and asks this guy about

this parrot. The guy says if you put a lighter under its right wing it sings a song. The pirate wonders what it would sing if the pirate puts the lighter under the parrot's tail. He holds his lighter under its tail, and the parrot begins to sing: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!“

• A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

• "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."• The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."• "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the

surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."• "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both

hands."• "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a

sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

• "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

• "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

• "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"

• "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

• There once was a pirate named Bates,• Who danced the Fandango on skates.• He fell on his cutlass• Which rendered him nutless• And practically useless on dates!

• A new guy shows up for a job on a pirate ship. He walks into the galley, where all the pirates are eating beans. "I'm here for a job," he said. The pirate captain looks at him, sort of leans over and lets out a long, low, juicy fart. All the pirates start farting, low and long. Soon, the place reeks. The man, wanting to show that he's tough enough to be a pirate tries to fart but only manages a "Squeeeek, poot..."

• It all gets quiet on the pirate ship, and the captain stands up, waiving his hook in the air and says: "I get the virgin!"

• A pirate goes to the doctor to figure out why his waist hurts so much.

• The doctor examines him, then comes to the conclusion.

• "Captain, my dianosis is this. You have Hempatitus."

• The captain is awash with fear!

• "Argh, how can this be? I've only been with good clean wenches me whole life!"

• "No!" replies the doctor. "You have hempatitus. The hemp rope holding up your pants is too tight! You've got Hemp-a-titus!"

• A pirate had a parrot that wouldn't stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.

• Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said "I promise, I'll be good from now on. But, I have just one question... What did the turkey do?????"

• A pirate recently retired and joined the American Association of Retired, Reprehensible, Rapacious, Rabid Guys, otherwise known as AARRRRG!

• A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"

• The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"

• On March 19, 2005, chumbucket lickin' Cap'n Karikas said:

• A little boy dresses up as a pirate for halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin head you buckin dumass."

• A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!

• The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"

• The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"