Book by RACHEL DAVIDSONMusic and Lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR

© Copyright 2001, by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.[under the title Friday Knight Fever]

PERFORMANCE LICENSEThe amateur and professional acting rights to this play are controlled by PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE, INC., P.O. Box 4267, Englewood, Colorado 80155, without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind may be given. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado.”

COPyINg OR REPROduCINg ALL OR ANy PARt OF thIS bOOk IN ANy MANNER IS StRICtLy FORbIddEN by LAw.All other rights in this play, including those of professional production, radio broadcasting and motion picture rights, are controlled by PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE, INC., to whom all inquiries should be addressed.

DISCO KNIGHTS

Book by RACHEL DAVIDSONMusic and lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR

CAST OF CHARACTERS# of lines

MARCIA..................................... has it all 18JAN............................................ jealous of Marcia 12CINDY........................................ another teen 12EILEEN......................................into the women’s movement 22SISSY........................................superstitious teen 15DANNY......................................in a major slump 75POLLY........................................proud of her name 19CARRIE.....................................hangs out 15KENT.........................................yet another teen 19DUDE......................................... knows the 70’s language 23LARRY....................................... in the clique 6JOHN.........................................young environmentalist 16BARRY.......................................strained vocal chords 21RITA........................................... owns the rink 58MRS. FLINT...............................principal vying for award 73PETER....................................... school thug 11BOBBY.......................................another 23GREG........................................another 14DORIS DRAKE..........................jealous vice-principal 44STACY.......................................school secretary 23MRS. KOONSMAN....................chess club sponsor 14BUZZ.......................................... jewel thief 24DELILAH.................................... Buzz’s partner 19BILLY BOB................................. undercover FBI Agent 30CHARLEY.................................. same (but really Charlene) 23MIKE.......................................... chess club member 11ANDREA.................................... same 11ROBERT.................................... same 5DEBBIE...................................... same 4MRS. DUNCAN..........................a judge 6MRS. HOTCHNER.....................another 3MRS. GERBER.......................... another 5EXTRAS/CHORUS MEMBERS..........as desired

For preview only

iii

SETTINGThe main stage, where most of the action takes place, is Rita’s Roller Skating Rink. The concession counter is UPSTAGE CENTER at a slant. It has the basics: cash register, large menu, posters or signs suggesting different types of food, etc. Across the front of the stage are three tables with several chairs. STAGE RIGHT there is an EXIT that suggests the rear of the skating rink. CENTER STAGE is an EXIT to a storeroom. STAGE LEFT is the ENTRANCE to the rink. EXTREME DOWN LEFT represents MRS. FLINT’S OFFICE and can be shown with a small desk and chair. The desk might have the basics on it, such as books, file folders, etc.

Time: The 1970s when “Disco Mania” swept the country.

SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS

MC 1 The Seventies Generation ..............CompanyMC 2 You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet! .............Girl StudentsMC 3 Closet Disco Queen .......................Mrs. Flint, Mrs.

Koonsman, Stacy, DorisMC 4 Friday Knight Fever .......................CompanyMC 5 Harmonic Convergence ..................Students and

CheckmatesMC 6 Chase Music ...................................InstrumentalMC 7 Friday Knight Fever—Reprise ........CompanyMC 8 Curtain Call .....................................Instrumental

For preview only

iv

dISC

O k

NIg

htS

Rita’s R

oller Skating R

ink Floor Plan

For preview only

1

dISCO kNIghtSPrologue

AT RISE: MUSIC CUE 1: “The Seventies Generation.” COMPANY ENTERS in the dark during MUSIC INTRODUCTION. LIGHTS UP when COMPANY is ONSTAGE.VOICE: (Speaks.) Boogie down. Shake your bootie. Outta sight.

Groovy, baby.COMPANy: (Sings.)

It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population.Can you feel it in the rhythm?Can you feel the good vibration?Everybody’s dancin’, the whole world is romancin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it?Can you feel it in your soul?It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population.Gonna get your feet in motion,It’s a disco celebration.Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it?Can you feel it in your soul?Fly away, come on and fly away!Take a ride, come and fly!Can you feel it in your soul?(MUSIC UNDER; NARRATOR 1 and 2 move DOWN CENTER.)

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our tribute to the 1970s.

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) Now tell the truth. How many of you moms ever had avocado green and harvest gold appliances in your home?

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) How many of you dads ever had shag carpeting… or shag haircuts?

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) How many of you used bubblegum flavored lip gloss?

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) Or English Leather cologne?NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the 1970s

was a decade of fashion and invention. For example, those years provided us with very usable items like Pet Rocks, mood rings and Magic Eight Balls!

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) Eight track recorders, CB radios and sun tanning lotion that turned your skin orange.

For preview only

2

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) The 1970s also gave us some of the most important historical figures and events of all time… like Don Kirchner’s Rock Concerts, Wolfman Jack, George Carlin and Gallagher.

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) John Travolta, Bobby Sherman and Donna Summer.

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) Mork and Mindy, Starsky and Hutch and The Brady Bunch.

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) Nixon and Watergate. And how about those streakers! Remember them?

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) Now be honest. How many of you ever went streaking? Let’s see a show of hands. (If no one raises their hand, count imaginary hands in the back of the auditorium… 1-2-3-4-5, etc.) All right!

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) And then there were the clothes…NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) Bell-bottoms, halter tops, tube tops.NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) Platform shoes, earth shoes, mirrored

sunglasses.NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) All important fashion statements in the

1970s.NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks.) But the most important thing to come out

of the 1970s…NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks.) The most important event of the decade.bOth: (Speak.) The birth of… disco!COMPANy: (Sings.)It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population.

Can you feel it in the rhythm?Can you feel the good vibration?Everybody’s dancin’, the whole world is romancin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it?Can you feel it in your soul?

COMPANy 2: (Sings.) COMPANy 1: (Sings.)It’s the seventies generation, Fly away,A groovy population. Come on andGotta get your feet in motion, Fly away!It’s a disco celebration.Everybody’s movin’, Take a ride,Everybody’s groovin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Come and fly!Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul?

NARRAtOR 1: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) So sit back, relax…

For preview only

3

NARRAtOR 2: (Speaks. To AUDIENCE.) And get ready to…COMPANy: (Shout.) Shake your booty!bOyS: (Shout.) Yeah! (COMPANY begins to EXIT.)COMPANy 2: (Sings.) COMPANy 1: (Sings.)

It’s the seventies generation, Fly away,A groovy population. Come on andCan you feel it in the rhythm? Fly away!Can you feel the good vibration?Everybody’s dancin’, Take a ride,The whole world is romancin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Come and fly!Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul?It’s the seventies generation, Fly away,A groovy population. Come on andCan you feel it in the rhythm? Fly away!Can you feel the good vibration?Everybody’s dancin’, Take a ride,The whole world is romancin’.Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Come and fly!Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul?(BLACKOUT.)

End of Prologue

Scene OneLIGHTS UP: The skating rink, where DANNY is working at the concession counter. EILEEN, CARRIE and POLLY sit at one table. SISSY, JAN and CINDY sit at another. MARCIA is UP CENTER holding the popular “Magic Eight Ball.” ALL the STUDENTS sitting at tables have various drinks and snack food in front of them. During the scene, DANNY will keep busy behind the counter, occasionally bringing drinks to the tables, clearing dishes, wiping the tables, etc. He treats the STUDENTS with disdain, ignoring them as much as possible.MARCIA: (To the Magic Eight Ball. Closes her eyes. Sincere.) Will I make it to the state cheerleading finals next month?JAN: (Stands. Jealous.) Oh, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! All you ever do

is think about yourself!CINdy: (Stands, places her hand on JAN’s shoulder to calm her.) Well,

Jan, after all, she is the head cheerleader.EILEEN: (Crosses to DANNY at the counter.) I’d like a hot dog, and

step on it! (DANNY mimes preparing her order.)

For preview only

4

SISSy: I just can’t wait. (Grabs the Magic Eight Ball. Reads.) “Ask me again later.”

MARCIA: Oh, man! That’s the third time today it’s answered that!dANNy: Order up!EILEEN: (Looks at the plate and then at DANNY.) Why is my hot dog

all smashed?dANNy: You said you wanted, and I quote, “a hot dog, and step on it.”EILEEN: I want another one. On the double! (Shoves plate back at

DANNY and walks back to table.) Ask the ball how long we have to put up with that male chauvinist hot dog.

dANNy: (Glares at GIRLS from behind concession stand area. Bitter and unimpressed.) I can’t believe you girls even waste your time playing with that stupid ball.

SISSy: (Crosses to DANNY at counter.) Well, Danny. (Holds the Magic Eight Ball up.) The Eight Ball isn’t stupid. It’s a useful tool that could possibly help you some day.

dANNy: That’s what you think. Now, excuse me, some of us have to work, you know. (With contempt.) We don’t all have the luxury of being part of your weird high-class crowd. (Prepares EILEEN’S second order.)

POLLy: (To STUDENTS at table.) Good thing he’s not wearing my mood ring. It would be the ultimate in amber-green on him. We all know what that means!

ALL: (Except DANNY.) Troubled and uneasy!dANNy: (Troubled and uneasy.) I heard that, Polly Esther. (Smirks.)

Like you’re one to criticize others with your brainless name!POLLy: Hey! I’m proud of my name.dANNy: Yeah, I hope I name my daughter after a synthetic material

some day.CARRIE: (To STUDENTS at the table.) It’s too bad that Danny is always

trying to take out his problems on us. It’s not our fault he was expelled.MARCIA: He was lucky that he even got a job here. If Rita wasn’t his

aunt, who knows where he’d be!dANNy: (Places EILEEN’S second order up on the counter. Sneers

at EILEEN.) Order up.EILEEN: (Crosses to the counter, takes her order and walks back to

the table without looking at DANNY.) Here, Sissy, I have a question for the Eight Ball. (To the Magic Eight Ball.) Will Danny ever be let back in school?

For preview only

5

JAN: After stealing the famous Culpepper High Knight statue—our school symbol for bravery, courage and valor?

CINdy: And gluing it on the roof of Mrs. Flint’s car!SISSy: (To the Magic Eight Ball.) Will Danny ever get back in school?

(Turns it over. Reads.) “My sources say no.” Even the ball knows he’s nothin’ but a freak.

dANNy: (Comes from behind the concession stand area and glares at the GIRLS.) As if I’m so intimidated by you or your stupid Eight Ball.

POLLy: Mellow out, Danny. You have such an attitude.EILEEN: Yeah, why don’t you go play with your pet rock or try out for

the Gong Show. We’re just having fun.dANNy: (Steps closer to EILEEN.) Chill out, Eileen. You chicks drive

me crazy.EILEEN: Hey, Danny. I am woman, hear me roar! (Roars. GIRLS

cheer and applaud.)dANNy: (Rolls her eyes. Sarcastic.) Oh, you really scare me.EILEEN: You should have more respect for women. For your

information, my dad’s sisters are construction workers.dANNy: So you’ve got a bunch of carpenter aunts! (MUSIC CUE 2:

“You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet!”)EILEEN: (Speaks.) It’s a new day and a new age, Danny. Ever hear

of women’s lib? Well, get used to it.(Sings.) We are the women of the new generation—

Liberated, emancipated, ladies of the jet set.Here come the women with a new proclamation:Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) We are the women of the new generation—Really gone, we got a groove on.Ladies movin’ uptown.Here come the women with a new proclamation:Watch out, get outta my way, before we mow ya down.

EILEEN: (Sings.) We’re gonna…ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work…EILEEN: (Sings.) For higher pay!

No more slavin’ housewifeStayin’ home with the kids all day.

ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work…

For preview only

6

SISSy: (Sings.) Movin’ up that scale.Gonna get me an education,Claw my way up, tooth and nail.

ALL gIRLS: (Speak.) Do you get it? Do you get it? Get it!(Sing.) We are the women of the new generation—Liberated, emancipated, ladies with a mind set.Here come the women with a new proclamation:Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

CARRIE: (Sings.) We’re gonna …ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work…CARRIE: (Sings.) Gonna show my pride.

Pull myself up by the boots, Found my groove, found my stride.

ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work…EILEEN: (Sings.) We’re lookin’ hot!SISSy: (Sings.) Gonna get us a reputation.EILEEN/SISSy/CARRIE: (Sing.) Attitude is what we got.ALL gIRLS: (Speak.) Do you get it? Do you get it? Get it!

(Sing.) We are the women of the new generation—Gonna T-C-B, “take care of business.”Ladies, put the move on!Here come the women with a new proclamation:Watch out, get outta my way, got to get my groove on!We are the women of the new generation— Liberated, emancipated, ladies of the jet set.Here come the women with a new proclamation:Watch out, get outta my way, what you see is whatcha get!Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

EILEEN: (MUSIC OUT.) Did you get the message, Danny?dANNy: Big deal. As if I haven’t heard your speech before. (Walks

back behind the counter.)SISSy: Let’s ask the Eight Ball another question. (JOHN, KENT,

DUDE, BARRY and LARRY ENTER LEFT and sit at a table. JOHN is the environmentalist. KENT and LARRY are mainstream. BARRY is typical... except for a problem that has occurred with his voice. DUDE is up on all of the seventies talk.)

kENt: Hey, what are you doing?EILEEN: Hi, Kent. We’re connecting with the Magic Eight Ball.

For preview only

7

dudE: Awesome!LARRy: Hey, Dude. I don’t think it’s anything to take seriously.SISSy: How about you, Barry? Who would like to ask our Eight Ball

the next question? (BARRY shakes his head “no.”)JOhN: (Mocks.) Ooh, such magic!POLLy: What’s the matter, John? Do you have something deep you

want to ask the Magic Eight Ball?JOhN: (Stands and takes floor.) You want something deep, huh?

How about, “When is our world going to crumble because it’s been overcome by the cosmic amount of water pollution with which we, as humans, are torturing it?”

dudE: (Impressed.) John, you are totally righteous, man!kENt: Sorry, John. Has to be a yes or no question.dudE: Bummer!SISSy: Anybody else have a question?EILEEN: How about you, Barry? You haven’t even said a word.LARRy: You can’t go on forever, Barry.dudE: Yeah, man. You can’t stay hung up on this for an eternity.JOhN: It’s time, bro’.bARRy: (With a dramatic pause. Speaks in a falsetto. [NOTE: BARRY

will continue to use only his falsetto voice until indicated in Scene Five.]) I strained my voice.

ALL: (Ad lib.) Oh, my gosh!How did that happen, Barry?You sound strange!Are you trying to jive us?Etc.

bARRy: Know that disco song that just came out by the Bee Gees?SISSy: “Staying Alive”?bARRy: Yeah. It’s the one where they sing it in that outta sight high

pitch.CINdy: What happened?bARRy: I was singing along, and my voice didn’t stay alive at all.MARCIA: (RITA ENTERS RIGHT with a disco ball and sets it on the

counter. Obviously disheartened, she takes a letter out of her pocket.) Look, everyone. Rita has a disco ball!

kENt: We’re livin’ in the 70s, for sure!

For preview only

8

SISSy: Where’d you get the disco ball?RItA: It was up in my attic.POLLy: Wow! It’s far out!CINdy: Time for a celebration!RItA: Kids, sorry to spoil your fun, but I’ve got to give you all some

bad news.bARRy: (Still in falsetto.) Rita, I’ve already shared my bumpy life with

the others. If I can do it, so can you.RItA: (Stares at BARRY. Shakes her head in disbelief, then continues.)

It’s been two years now since I bought the warehouse and started running this roller skating rink.

MARCIA: It’s our home away from home.JAN: You gave up a lot when you stepped down as the reigning Roller

Derby Queen.RItA: Right, sweetie. (Reminisces. As she describes her experiences,

she acts out the movements.) It sure was glamorous slamming those gliding bodies against the rink’s walls, hearing my screaming fans, wearing my sequined helmet. (Back to reality.) But I knew it was time to move on when I fractured my leg for the sixth time. That’s why I brought the ball down. It was given to me at my going-away banquet. It’s the same ball used when my team won the National Roller Derby Championship!

kENt: Wow!bARRy: What’s that on top of it? A diamond?RItA: (Chortles.) Oh, no! The team got together and gave me a little gag

gift. It’s only a rhinestone. Sure does look like a diamond, doesn’t it? You see, my teammates always called me a “diamond in the rough.”

EILEEN: You are a diamond! A roller derby queen and a business owner—you are a true model for today’s women.

CARRIE: We’re like a family here.JOhN: It’s a gathering place. Almost like a second Woodstock.RItA: Well, be prepared, sweeties. I don’t want a riot when I tell you

all the news.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Oh, come on.

It can’t be that bad.We can handle it.Etc.

For preview only

9

RItA: It ends up that the rink’s floor is not up to skating code. It has to be totally redone.

StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Oh, my.What does that mean?What are you going to do?Etc.

RItA: You’ll just have to wait a month or two until the job is done and approved by the skating commission.

StudENtS: (Ad lib.) What? That’s horrible!This can’t be true!Another atrocity in our high society!Etc.RItA: What’s so awful about all of this for you? There are other places you can hang out besides the rink.

JAN: I’m afraid not, Rita.MARCIA: There isn’t a place in town that will let a group our size kick

back and be together.POLLy: Can you imagine us all at the library?CARRIE: I see disaster looming!bARRy: I never in the world thought things could get worse for me! I

guess I was wrong.dudE: I’m gonna freak!RItA: Sorry, folks. This letter I just got from the contractors (Indicates

paper in hand.) says they have to start tomorrow, or I’ll be put on the back burner for another three months. I’ve got to shut down now and start getting ready. (ALL are shocked.)

JOhN: Now?!dANNy: Oh, great. Now I have to go find a new job. (To himself.) As

if I like this one.RItA: Don’t worry, Danny. I’m sure I can dig up some filing for you to do.dANNy: Oh, great. That sounds even more inspiring than being a

soda jerk.JOhN: Don’t you see we all have a problem here?POLLy: (Squeals.) Ooh! I got a hot idea! Why can’t we still hang out

here?kENt: Huh? At a roller rink where we can’t even roller skate?CARRIE: Cool idea! We don’t hang out here ’cause we love to skate.EILEEN: Yeah. It’s because we just like being together.

For preview only

10

dudE: Right on!MARCIA: I know I’m hooked.bARRy: I need it for my healing process.JOhN: It’s a way to get out of the mainstream and really be ourselves.JAN: This is our home away from home.CARRIE: Rita, you have to admit, you would miss us if we weren’t here.RItA: Well...LARRy: Danny would probably rather work at the concession counter

than be a filing freak. After all, we can always use an afternoon snack. (Crosses to DANNY.) Your hot dogs and hamburgers are the best in town. (Pause.) I meant that as a compliment, Danny.

dANNy: So?kENt: (Crosses to DANNY. Speaks to group.) And see? He was the

one who put the “jerk” in soda jerk. We don’t want him to get out of practice.

POLLy: So, Rita, can we still come here while the floor’s being redone? (On knees.) Please, pretty please.

RItA: Well, I don’t know what the city commissioner would say about it...StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Oh, please, Rita?

You’d miss us if you didn’t see us every day.Come on!Be a pal!Go with the flow!Etc.

RItA: I’m awfully fond of you kids. You keep me young. My guess is that we wouldn’t be doing anything wrong as long as you didn’t do any skating. (POLLY jumps up.)

SISSy: Let’s see what the Magic Eight Ball says. (Picks up the Magic Eight Ball from counter.) Should Rita keep the rink open for us while she fixes the floor? (Beat as she slowly turns it over.) “Yes!” It says yes! (STUDENTS cheer.)

RItA: If it’s okay with the city commissioner, and if it’s okay with the Magic Eight Ball then… (Shouts with enthusiasm.) it’s a deal! (STUDENTS cheer and hug RITA. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene One

For preview only

11

Scene TwoLIGHTS UP: EXTREME DOWN RIGHT on MRS. FLINT’S office: desk, file cabinet, phone, etc. MRS. FLINT and DORIS DRAKE are standing in front of GREG, PETER and BOBBY, who are sitting with solemn looks. The THREE unruly STUDENTS are being reprimanded... again.MRS. FLINt: (Looks at each individual, gives each one a stern stare.)

Greg. Peter. Bobby. (To ALL THREE.) You know that you boys are (Holds up fingers an inch apart.) this close to being suspended from this school.

PEtER: Gee whiz, Mrs. Flint. It was only a joke.bObby: We didn’t mean anything by it.gREg: Yeah. It was no big deal.MRS. FLINt: Dusting the science room with Tang isn’t funny.dORIS: You three have finally crossed the line. You’re looking at

suspension.MRS. FLINt: Hold on. Miss Drake didn’t mean that the way it sounded.dORIS: How did I mean it?MRS. FLINt: You three are going to be the first to take part in our new

rehabilitation program.bObby: Huh?dORIS: (Sighs.) Another project.MRS. FLINt: You need to get more involved with the school to

appreciate what Culpepper High has to offer. Invest your time and effort into making our school cleaner, healthier and safer.

gREg: So what do we have to do?MRS. FLINt: The drama department needs its costume closet cleaned.

(BOYS moan.) And after that, you will pick up all the litter in the stadium bleachers.

dORIS: Mrs. Flint, these boys don’t even know how to clean their own rooms!

MRS. FLINt: (To DORIS, sincere.) Under your supervision, they’ll do just fine, I’m sure. I know how important these students are to you.

dORIS: (Sarcastic.) My heart goes out to them each and every day.MRS. FLINt: Then we have ourselves a deal. You’ll all meet in the

drama room tomorrow morning at eight o’clock sharp.bOyS: Yes, Mrs. Flint.dORIS: Yes, Mrs. Flint.

For preview only

12

MRS. FLINt: Boys, you may go now. (GREG, PETER and BOBBY EXIT LEFT.)

dORIS: How can you give them one more chance?MRS. FLINt: (Sudden loss of energy and enthusiasm.) I don’t know.dORIS: What do you mean? What’s wrong?MRS. FLINt: (Crosses to DORIS and puts her arm around her.) I have

something to tell you, Doris. Try not to be disappointed.dORIS: You know how sensitive I am to people’s feelings.MRS. FLINt: I promised myself that I would retire at the end of this year.dORIS: (The gears in her brain start to turn.) Retire? Really?MRS. FLINt: (Crosses and slumps in chair.) I’m running out of steam.

I’ve lost my enthusiasm and motivation.StACy: (ENTERS LEFT, carrying envelope.) Excuse me, Mrs. Flint.

I hate to disturb you, but this just came special delivery. (Hands envelope to MRS. FLINT.)

MRS. FLINt: Stacy, you’re so efficient.StACy: Thank you, Mrs. Flint. It’s certainly a pleasure to work with

you. This has been a dream job.MRS. FLINt: And you’ve been a dream ever since you became our

school secretary.StACy: It’s an honor to work with you, Mrs. Flint.dORIS: (Irritated.) Stop with the love fest. What’s in the letter?MRS. FLINt: (Looks at envelope.) Doris! Stacy! This is it!dORIS/StACy: What?MRS. FLINt: It’s from the Principal of the Year committee! This will

tell me if I’m a finalist.dORIS: (Lacks sincerity, but MRS. FLINT is too excited to notice.) Oh,

Mrs. Flint. It would be a dream come true for all of us.StACy: (Sincere.) Principal of the Year. Wow! If anyone deserves it,

it’s you!MRS. FLINt: (Stares at envelope.) Oh, I’m too afraid to open it.

(Pause. Opens envelope and looks at the letter.) I don’t believe it! I’m a finalist. This could be the spark I need to get my motivational engine going again.

StACy: Hooray!dORIS: (Jumps up.) What?

For preview only

13

MRS. FLINt: (Looks at the letter.) The judges on the contest committee are going to interview teachers in the school and students off campus! They want to get a feel for what I’ve done for the entire community. They want to meet with the students at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink.

dORIS: Now there’s a horrid thought—your fate in the hands of punks at Rita’s Rink.

StACy: Oh, Miss Drake. You make them sound like criminals. They really are great kids.

MRS. FLINt: I’m not worried about the selection committee going to Rita’s. It means being seen as a leader in and out of the school. (Takes STACY and DORIS’ hands. Passionate.) But you know what all of this means?

dORIS/StACy: What?MRS. FLINt: (Turns away. Crosses DOWN CENTER.) Like Doris said,

the students at the rink are not a true cross-section of the Culpepper Fighting Knights, and the interviews at the rink may be the award’s deciding factor.

dORIS: Danny Avon might be a problem. You do remember he’s working at the rink for his aunt?

MRS. FLINt: I forgot about Danny! (To STACY.) He poured six gallons of Elmer’s Glue on the top of my car.

StACy: Six gallons?MRS. FLINt: He’s the only child I’ve ever expelled. He’s so bitter, who

knows what he would say or do to the selection committee.dORIS: I guess we’ll just have to leave it to fate.MRS. FLINt: I agree, Doris. But there must be a way to get other

students to congregate at the rink so we can display our vast array of students.

dORIS: Isn’t that like stocking a pond before a fishing contest?MRS. FLINt: It’s simply showcasing all of our students to the judges.

(Thinks.) Who could represent more of the mighty Culpepper Knights?

MRS. kOONSMAN: (ENTERS LEFT in a panic.) Mrs. Flint! I’m sorry to burst in like this, but I need your help with a horrible scheduling disaster.

MRS. FLINt: Mrs. Koonsman, you know I appreciate your sponsoring of the Chess Club. What’s your scheduling problem?

MRS. kOONSMAN: With the international tournament coming up, the members of the chess club wanted extra practice. But all the activity rooms are booked up, and there isn’t a single classroom for us to meet.

For preview only

14

MRS. FLINt: My, this is a dilemma. What can we do? (An idea dawns.) Hmmmm. Yes! Oh, yes! Why don’t you meet at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink?

MRS. kOONSMAN: At the roller rink?! That wouldn’t make any sense with all the noise. And you know the chess club has always had difficulty socializing. There must be other options.

dORIS: (Panics as she sees MRS. FLINT’S plan.) I have to agree with Mrs. Koonsman. All of the noise. Skates screeching against the floor, screaming and yelling...

MRS. kOONSMAN: Actually, Doris, Mrs. Flint has again saved the day. It’s perfect! It would strengthen their concentration.

MRS. FLINt: Exactly! (To DORIS.) Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have them meet their fellow Culpepper classmates?

dORIS: Well, uh...MRS. kOONSMAN: If they can learn to concentrate at the roller rink,

then the pressure of competing against the Soviet team will be nothing in comparison! And with new socialization skills, they might even make a Russian friend.

MRS. FLINt: This could be the year everyone wins!StACy: Mrs. Flint, you’re always cruisin’ right along!MRS. FLINt: Why thank you, Stacy. My job is to make sure everything

runs smoothly. Believe me, I know what these kids need... I know what they like. You might say I’m (Tries to be cool.) “hip to their scene.” (MUSIC CUE 3: “Closet Disco Queen.”)

MRS. kOONSMAN: (Speaks.) It’s amazing how you stay so cool, calm and collected.

MRS. FLINt: (Speaks.) Well, you might say I have my own remedy for stress management. You see, ladies…(Sings.) At the end of the day when I’m absolutely stressed,I retreat to my office for a tiny bit of rest.Grab myself a soda, disconnect the phone,Lock the office door so I’m all alone.Fasten down the blind, turn the lights down low,Apply a little makeup, getting ready for the show.Pop a tape in the eight track, crank the volume ‘round,Calibrate my headphones for the proper sound.And then… and then…and ladies, yes, and then… I…Shake my bootie, oh, so slowly, (WOMEN react, incredulous.)

For preview only

15

Shake my bootie to the rhythm of the beat.(Speaks.) Can you dig it?(Sings.) Shake my bootie, it’s a cutie!Get back, watch out jack,I’m the principal machine,A closet disco queen!

StACy: (Speaks.) Mrs. Flint, we had no idea!dORIS: (Speaks. Aside.) I’m not surprised.MRS. FLINt: (Speaks.) You must try it sometime, ladies. It’s good for

the spirit.(Sings.) A good principal is one who runs a tidy ship,Though the pressure of it all can leave you quite tight-lipped.Sometimes I can’t deny that awful yearning to escape.It’s then I disappear with my eight-track tape.And then… and then… and ladies, yes, and then… I…Shake my groove thing, oh, so slowly.Shake my groove thing, to the rhythm of the beat.(Speaks.) Can you dig it?(Sings.) Shake my groove thing, I’m the real thing.Get back, watch out jack,I’m the principal machine,A closet disco queen!(Speaks.) Come on, ladies. All together now… that’s an order!

ALL: (Sing and dance very comedic.)Shake my bootie, oh, so slowly.Shake my bootie to the rhythm of the beat.

MRS. FLINt: (Speaks in rhythm.) Can you dig it?ALL: (Sing.) Shake my bootie, it’s a cutie!

Get back, watch out jack,MRS. FLINt: (Sings.) I’m the principal machine,dORIS/StACy/MRS. kOONSMAN: (Sing.)

She’s the principal machine!MRS. FLINt: (Sings.) A closet disco queen!ALL: (Sing.) I’m/She’s the principal machine! (BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Two

For preview only

16

Scene ThreeLIGHTS UP: RITA puts on a coat and heads for the EXIT LEFT. She calls to DANNY, who is in the storeroom.RItA: Danny! Danny!dANNy’S VOICE: (From UP CENTER.) Yeah?RItA: (Shouts.) I’ve got some errands to run. I’ll be back in a little while.dANNy’S VOICE: (From UP CENTER.) Yeah. Whatever. (RITA EXITS

LEFT. After a beat, DANNY ENTERS CENTER and pulls a comic book from behind the counter, goes and sits at a table with his legs kicked back, obviously avoiding any work.)

dORIS: (ENTERS RIGHT. She looks around to make sure they are alone. Sits next to DANNY.) Hello, Danny.

dANNy: (Sarcastic.) Oh, it’s you. Now my day is really perfect.dORIS: I’m sorry you got caught for that glue incident. I was hoping

that would scare Mrs. Flint enough that she would quit.dANNy: Instead it got me expelled.dORIS: I happen to know that Mrs. Flint is thinking about retiring at

the end of this year.dANNy: Don’t jive me!dORIS: I’m not jiving you. But there’s a huge string attached to this one.dANNy: And that is?dORIS: If she’s selected Principal of the Year, she won’t retire.

Unfortunately, she was named as a finalist, and it looks like she may have it in her pocket for the first time.

dANNy: Figures. She always gets what she wants.dORIS: Not always... but she has a strategy that may work for her.

She has it set up to have the chess club hang out here.dANNy: What will that do... besides make me gag?dORIS: It’ll show the judges (Sarcastic.) what a super-duper principal

she is. (Serious.) This chess mess might solidify her victory, and I’ll remain stuck being vice-principal again. And you’ll be flipping burgers for a long, long time.

dANNy: Then we’ve got to throw a wrench in all of this.dORIS: Trust me, Danny. By the time we’re through, I’ll be principal,

and see you get back in with a free ride. A fixed report card with straight A’s. Study hall five periods a day. Gourmet lunches.

dANNy: No kidding? Okay, so what do you need me to do?

For preview only

17

dORIS: Tonight go talk to Greg Billows, Peter Gunthorpe and Bobby Maxwell. You’ve got to convince them to do us a little favor.

dANNy: They’re the worst of the worst.dORIS: That’s my point. Bring them in, and this place will stink in a

second. Whatever brilliant things Mrs. Flint has planned will go sour.dANNy: (Finally figures it out.) I get it! If we ruin Mrs. Flint’s chances,

she’ll retire, and both of us will get what we want.dORIS: Danny, you’re smarter than your 1.2 GPA ever reflected. Now

go talk to them and put something together.dANNy: That’s a cosmic idea, Mrs. Drake. I’m outta here! (EXITS

LEFT. DORIS remains for a few more seconds looking self-satisfied, then EXITS LEFT. BUZZ KUTT and DELILAH ENTER RIGHT. BUZZ is holding a brown paper bag with an object in it. They each look around carefully, making sure no one is around.)

buZZ: (Whispers.) The place is unlocked. The lights are on, and ain’t no chicken clucking in this creepy coop. (Laughs out loud.) The idiots must have the same security standards as that dim-witted museum we broke into.

dELILAh: (Giggles.) That one was too easy. You haven’t lost your touch, boss.

buZZ: (Puts his hand in the bag.) Now we just need to know what to do with this little cookie. (Pulls out a beautiful diamond from bag. Stares in delight.) This rock is worth ten mil’, Delilah. We just need to lay low for a few days until the cops stop sniffin’ around. We’ll get our little “pet rock” into the right hands. After that, we’re off to South America with vacation money for a lifetime.

dELILAh: (Looks around.) I thought you said this place was just an empty warehouse.

buZZ: (Irritated.) It was ten years ago, right before I went into the slammer. I had no idea they would go and turn it into a stinkin’skatin’ rink. Now hidin’ our gem ain’t gonna be easy.

dELILAh: Why?buZZ: (Pulls out piece of paper from pocket.) Didn’t you see this

outside? (Hands paper to DELILAH.)dELILAh: (Reads.) “Sorry, sweeties. Rink closed until new floor put

in. Snack bar will remain open.” So what’s the problem?buZZ: (Irritated.) I was gonna hide the jewel under the floor. Now we’ve

got to hide the rock in a different spot. So start thinking... if you can jump-start your brain.

For preview only

18

dELILAh: (Sees the Magic Eight Ball.) Hey, boss! Look at this! Don’t you just love these things? (Walks over and picks it up.) The Magic Eight Ball...

buZZ: Put that thing down! (Spots the disco ball.) Ahaa! Now this is a magic ball. (Picks up the disco ball.) I think we’ve found our hiding place.

dELILAh: A disco ball?buZZ: Just watch. We just pop this little rhinestone out like so.

(Removes the rhinestone from the disco ball.) And then we replace it with the real diamond like so. (Snaps the diamond into place on the disco ball.) Whadaya think?

dELILAh: Buzz, you’re a genius.buZZ: (Proud.) I know, I know.dELILAh: (A sudden thought.) Hey, Buzz, ask the ball something.buZZ: It’s only a toy, Delilah.dELILAh: Aw, come on, just for fun.buZZ: (Takes the Magic Eight Ball.) Will Delilah and I live in South

America? (Shakes it, then reads.) “It is decidedly so.” (Happy.) Didja see that, Deliliah? Didja see that ? “It is decidedly so.”

dELILAh: “It is decidedly so.”buZZ: These little magic balls know.dELILAh: Livin’ the good life, you and me, together? (Takes the Magic

Eight Ball and speaks to it.) Will Buzz and I finally get married? (Shakes the Magic Eight Ball, they both read.)

buZZ/dELILAh: (BUZZ dislikes the answer; DELILAH is thrilled.) “It is decidedly so!”

buZZ: C’mon, enough with the toy already. Let’s lay low! (They put the Magic Eight Ball and disco ball back on the counter and EXIT RIGHT. After a beat, construction workers BILLY BOB and CHARLEY ENTER LEFT. BILLY BOB carries blueprints. They are very low key, straight-faced and to the point.)

bILLy bOb: The lady got a great deal on the land, but she took over a rotting rink.

ChARLEy: It’s going to cost a lot of money to make these repairs. (JOHN, POLLY, JAN, DUDE, MARCIA, CINDY, KENT, EILEEN, SISSY, BARRY and other STUDENTS [as desired] ENTER LEFT.)

JOhN: (As STUDENTS ENTER.) I’m going to miss skating the next few months. It made me feel so good doing something where I wasn’t directly using any of earth’s natural resources.

For preview only

19

EILEEN: Can’t you think of the positive side of all of this?POLLy: Yeah. At least Rita’s keeping her roller rink open so we can

still hang loose here. And we’ll get a fresh, new rink to boot. (Sees BILLY BOB and CHARLEY.) Oh, I hope I didn’t say anything I wasn’t supposed to.

bILLy bOb: (Serious.) Rita checked with us yesterday. You won’t be breaking any city ordinance by being here. (Introducing self.) I’m Billy Bob Hickburn of Billy Bob’s Construction Company. You can call me Billy Bob. (Holds out his wallet to show his I.D. for a split second.) This here is Charlene Angel.

ChARLEy: Call me Charley.dudE: Charley Angel! What a right on name!bILLy bOb: We’re here to plan out the work. It looks like you guys

did a lot of skating on this floor.kENt: When Rita took over a warehouse and turned it into a skating

rink, it turned into our daily hang out.ChARLEy: Really? (Takes out a pencil and a small notebook. Begins

to take notes.) So how long has the place been open?kENt: About two years.bILLy bOb: (Also takes out a pencil and a small notebook and begins

to take notes.) Who ran the warehouse before that?CINdy: The building’s been empty for as long as I can remember. Then

Rita took over the place. She got us skating and gathering here.bARRy: No hassles with Rita. Never.bILLy bOb: (To BARRY.) You might want to get a check on that voice,

son. (To STUDENTS.) Did you see any suspicious looking characters around here?

JAN: Suspicious?ChARLEy: Someone who might be looking around the rink. Someone

you didn’t know. (STUDENTS look at each other. They remain silent, shrug.) Well, I suppose you have the right to remain silent. Billy Bob, why don’t we get started looking the place over.

bILLy bOb: Yup. The sooner we’re finished, the sooner you kids can get back to your skating.

ChARLEy: We’ll see you around.bILLy bOb: (To CHARLEY.) Let’s go and check the outside structure

first. (To STUDENTS.) See you later.

For preview only

20

StudENtS: (Adlib.) See ya later.Good-bye.Ciao. (CHARLEY and BILLY BOB EXIT RIGHT.)

MARCIA: I wonder why nobody’s here up front? This place is definitely making me feel bodaciously strange.

JAN: (To MARCIA.) You always have to use fancy words.SISSy: Can you imagine not having a place to go after school?

(Melodramatic.) There I’d be. All alone. Sitting in my beanbag chair, my eight-track tape playing Donny Osmond. Staring aimlessly into my lava lamp. I’d be totally lost without this place.

dudE: It would be a total rip-off if Rita’s Roller Skating Rink wasn’t here for us! (DANNY quickly ENTERS LEFT. Goes behind counter. Notices DANNY.) Where have you been?

dANNy: None of your business, Wonder Woman.EILEEN: Danny, you are such a bore.dANNy: Well, so are you, just like this town.CINdy: I hate to say it, but in some ways he’s right. It’s too bad there

isn’t more going on around here. It’s so un-hip.kENt: Have you guys heard what’s happening in Sutton City?ALL: (Ad Lib.) No. Not at all.

My mind’s been on this place.News doesn’t travel that fast.Etc.

kENt: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it comes down to one word... disco!bARRy: No way! Not disco dancing!dudE: Far out!dANNy: (Interrupts.) The dweebs in Sutton City don’t even know how

to tie their own earth shoes.POLLy: Wow! I wish we had a disco. That would be awesome!JAN: We could do the Hustle and the Bump. We’d boogie down all night!EILEEN: We could even use the disco ball.SISSy: Spinning around with the lights shining on it.JOhN: (Carried away.) Wow! That’d be incredible! (Back in character.)

As long as the light doesn’t cause global warming.CARRIE: I’ve been trying to figure out the Foxy Trot for weeks. It would

be mega-cool to learn it for real. (MRS. FLINT and STACY ENTER

For preview only

21

LEFT.) Mrs. Flint! Ms. Buttercup! What are you doing at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink?

dANNy: Hey! Whatever you’re here for, I didn’t do it!MRS. FLINt: Oh, come now, Danny. I’m sure you’ll understand some

day that you made a mistake.dANNy: Yeah! Getting caught.MRS. FLINt: Well, I’m not here to talk about any of that.StACy: Everyone! Mrs. Flint has some exciting news to tell you.MRS. FLINt: (Modestly.) I’ve just found out I’m a finalist for the Principal

of the Year Award.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Far out!

That’s righteous!Congratulations!You’re groovin’ now, Mrs. Flint.Etc.

dANNy: (Sarcastic.) I’m thrilled.MRS. FLINt: As it happens, the search committee is going to be doing

some interviews outside of the high school. And since this is one of the places that many of our students congregate, the committee will be coming to Rita’s Roller Skating Rink to talk with many of you.

dudE: Whoa!EILEEN: That will be easy.MRS. FLINt: I know you’ll emphasize the school’s positive qualities.StACy: As well as Mrs. Flint’s.MRS. FLINt: To show everyone’s real school spirit, I’ve organized

something special. (Enthusiastic.) I’m going to ask Rita if the chess club could prepare for the next two weeks for their tournament against the Russians. (Silence from STUDENTS.) Perhaps you didn’t here me. I said the chess club would be here for two weeks.

dANNy: We heard you. (RITA ENTERS LEFT.) You’re saying you want us to be stuck with those geeks and these freaks for two whole weeks!

RItA: Please settle down, Danny. Why don’t you go put those supplies on the shelf. I’ll talk with you later. (DANNY, angry, EXITS UP CENTER. RITA looks around.) Hey, what’s wrong with all of you?

MARCIA: This is our home away from home.CINdy: And now Mrs. Flint is saying she wants to bring the (Emphasizes

name.) “Chess Boreds” into this place. (STUDENTS “yawn.”)StACy: I don’t understand.

For preview only

22

RItA: Neither do I... I have to say—EILEEN: (Interrupts.) Rita, it’s impossible to communicate with them.MARCIA: When we do try, they have nothing interesting to say.POLLy: Why do you think everyone calls them (Emphasizes.) “Chess

Boreds”?kENt: You can’t get any duller than them.LARRy: Rita, don’t mean to be rude, but this is our place, this is our

space, right guys?ALL: (Ad libs.) Yeah. Right on!

This is our side of the board!Righteous!Etc.

RItA: (Scolds.) Kids, I’m shocked and disappointed in all of you. I thought you were more sensitive and thoughtful. If that’s the way you want to be, the chess club can come here, and you can all stay home!

MRS. FLINt: (To RITA.) Did you ever consider becoming a principal?RItA: (To MRS. FLINT.) After you crunch some bodies on skates,

you know how to play tough. (To STUDENTS.) You have a choice. Stay here and treat the chess club members with respect, or get out of here!

CINdy: Huh?RItA: You talk about being a family. Well, the family that I want to be

around is a warm, thoughtful and sensitive one. Look at yourselves. You don’t think each of you is different in some way? You’re giving the chess club a bad rap. And to think that I had something special planned for you all.

bARRy: Uh, not to be too forward, but what?RItA: You all have some thinking to do before I do anything for you.

I’m pretty disappointed in all of you.EILEEN: (After silence.) Maybe Rita’s right. Come on, everyone. Let’s

not get so hung up on this.dudE: We need to go with the flow, man.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Okay.

It can’t be all that bad.We’ll survive. I know we can.It’s just a mind game.Etc.

For preview only

23

RItA: That’s the spirit! (MRS. KOONSMAN ENTERS LEFT with the CHECKMATES. MIKE, ANDREA, ROBERT and DEBBIE are “nerds” and not dressed at all fashionably.)

MRS. FLINt: Why, look, everyone! Some of our fellow classmates are here!

MRS. kOONSMAN: (To CHECKMATES.) Here we are, everyone. What do you think?

MIkE: I have no idea where we are.ANdREA: This isn’t a place for playing chess.RObERt: How are we going to concentrate?dEbbIE: And polish up for the tournament?MRS. kOONSMAN: Don’t worry. Just trust me. (Announces to other

STUDENTS.) All of you, I’d like to introduce the Culpepper High School Checkmates. Isn’t that a clever name? Mates as in check and as in friends? (Beat.) Anyway, because of scheduling problems, Mrs. Flint has suggested we use the roller rink facilities. (Points to each as she introduces them to STUDENTS.) This is Mike, Andrea, Robert and Debbie. I’m not sure if you know each other very well.

StACy: You’re looking at one of the finest chess teams in the nation.MRS. kOONSMAN: If not the world! (STUDENTS give CHECKMATES

polite, yet uninspired applause.)RItA: (Warm and friendly.) Welcome to my roller skating rink. My name

is Rita. What can we help you with?ANdREA: Our primary goal is to perfect our reactionary skills during

a time of stress.RObERt: (Points to brain.) Utilizing our complex brains to develop

new strategies.dEbbIE: Making sure each and every move will back our foe into a

corner until they realize we have destroyed them.RItA: This almost sounds like cerebral Roller Derby.MIkE: And we would prefer no talk or noise of any kind.POLLy: (To RITA.) That would be a rip off! We have a right to talk!ANdREA: Then what are we doing here?kENt: That’s a good question!JAN: How ’bout Siberia if you want to get so hung up on the Soviet

Union? I’m sure you could stay there a few months!ANdREA: At least we know where Siberia is!

For preview only

24

StudENtS: Yeah, well you’re a turkey!Take a hike!Be quiet!We have practice!Don’t be wise, bubble eyes! Etc.

MRS. FLINt: Quiet! Quiet! We need a compromise!RItA: Now listen, everyone. We can have some type of agreement.

If the chess folks can have a chance to move their kings, queens and horsies—

MIkE: They’re called knights.MARCIA: Right on! Just like our school mascot! Anyone want to hear

a cheer?ALL: No! (STUDENTS and CHECKMATES look at each other,

pleasantly surprised at their common reaction. Light laughter.)RItA: So let’s just say that we all work together and play together. We

can make this thing work out. Right?StudENtS: (Ad lib.) I guess so.

Things can’t be all that bad.We need to do it to prepare for the Soviet Union. Etc.

RItA: (To MRS. KOONSMAN and MRS. FLINT.) Sound like a deal to you folks?

MRS. FLINt: Sounds like a deal to me.MRS. kOONSMAN: We have them in check!RItA: Great! Since I’m spiffin’ up the place, I thought that we might

have a “going away party” for the floor.POLLy: How?RItA: I thought we might have a... disco dance! (Does a hokey disco

move.)StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Oh, wow

We’ve finally hit the big time.Just like Sutton City!Etc.

kENt: I’ll have to wash and dry my formal leisure suit!MRS. kOONSMAN: (To CHECKMATES.) Well, gang. Do you think you

can enjoy a dance? (No answer.) Come on, they are giving something to us. You students should be part of this. (Beat.) Checkmates?

ChECkMAtES: Okay.I guess I can live with that.

For preview only

25

Let the game commence.You’re move.Etc.

MRS. FLINt: What a wonderful way to show community!POLLy: Oh, wow! (Crosses and hugs RITA.) Rita, you’re cosmic!RItA: Now, sweetie, don’t get all mushy on me. I just figure you kids

are sticking by me while the construction work is happening here, so I owe you something.

EILEEN: And we know the dances.MARCIA: We have the spirit!CARRIE: (Points to disco ball.) And most important, we have the...ALL: Disco ball!dudE: Man, you just gave Culpepper the fever. When we put this

dance on some Friday, it’ll be the “Friday Fever.”ANdREA: I don’t mean to over intellectualize the situation, but you

might utilize our school mascot. How about calling it (Very dramatic.) “Friday Knight Fever”?

MARCIA: In honor of the Culpepper Knights!MIkE: In honor of the knights of chess. (MUSIC CUE 4: “Friday Knight

Fever.”)dudE: (Speaks.) I hear what you’re sayin’, man! We can even have

it at night!ALL: (Speak, Ad lib.) That’s it!

Right on!My gosh! I think she’s got it!Signed, sealed and delivered!Etc. (ALL cheer.)(Sing.) Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!

SOLOISt 1: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body to the funky beat.

SOLOISt 2: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body in the midnight heat.

ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.

For preview only

26

ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna shake my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SOLOISt 3: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body, everybody dance.

SOLOISt 4: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body, gotta take a chance.

ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna shake my body.ALL: (Sing.) Get down, get down!

Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!

SOLOISt 1: (Sings.)With the chang, chang rhythm of the guitar strum.

SOLOISt 2: (Sings.) And the rat, tat, tat of the groovy drum.ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna shake my body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.SOLOISt 3: (Sings.) And the bad, bad beat of the conga man.SOLOISt 4: (Sings.)

With a slap, bam, boom, and a bim, boom, bam.ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.ALL gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.ALL bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna shake my body.ALL: (Sing.) Get down, get down!

Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!

ChECkMAtES: (Speak in rhythm.)King-knight to bishop one.

StudENtS: (Speak in rhythm.)Dance, dance and join the fun!

For preview only

27

ChECkMAtES: (Speak in rhythm.)Queen’s pawn to king two.

StudENtS: (Speak in rhythm.)Dance, dance, now boogaloo!

ChECkMAtES: (Speak in rhythm.)King-rook to knight three.

StudENtS: (Speak in rhythm.)Dance, dance, just you and me!

ChECkMAtES: (Speak in rhythm.) Queen-knight to king four.

StudENtS: (Speak in rhythm.)Dance, dance, burn up the floor!

ChECkMAtES: (Speak in rhythm.)King’s pawn to bishop five.

StudENtS: (Speak in rhythm.)Dance, dance, “Stayin’ alive!”ChECkMAtES: (Shout.)Checkmate! Checkmate!

ALL: (Sing.)We will survive!Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever.Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!Tonight! (BLACKOUT. ALL EXIT.)

End of Scene Three

Scene FourLIGHTS UP: A tree sits DOWN RIGHT to represent a park. In the rink, RITA ENTERS RIGHT with the disco ball. She crosses to counter and places the disco ball on it.RItA: (Reminisces.) Ah, the disco spirit. (CHARLEY and BILLY BOB

ENTER FROM LEFT.)

For preview only

28

bILLy bOb: Hey, Rita. What’s up?RItA: My roller derby reunion is tonight. I thought the team would love

to see this.ChARLEy: Sounds like a hip idea.RItA: That’s why I’ve got to have the ball tonight.bILLy bOb: Charley and I can help you hang it up.RItA: You two really are sweeties.ChARLEy: You’ve been so cooperative. It’s no problem.RItA: I gotta get home for dinner. (To BILLY BOB and CHARLEY.)

And you two work so hard. Are you sure you don’t mind helping me?bILLy bOb: Don’t worry. We have our ladder with the truck.ChARLEy: But we’re calling it quits for today.RItA: Well then, let’s go. I’m closing up. (ALL EXIT LEFT. A moment,

then BUZZ and DELILAH ENTER from storeroom, UP CENTER.)buZZ: Did you see that? She took the ball!dELILAh: And the diamond, too.buZZ: This is gettin’ way too difficult.dELILAh: What do we do now, Buzz?buZZ: It means comin’ back on Friday before the ball is hung up.

Once that ball is hangin’ from the ceiling, it’ll be impossible to get the diamond!

dELILAh: What do you think we ought to do?buZZ: Don’t worry, I’ll think of somethin’.dELILAh: You got the brains, Buzz.buZZ: I know that. Unfortunately, I don’t have the diamond. (BUZZ and

DELILAH EXIT UP CENTER. LIGHTS FADE CENTER and COME UP EXTREME DOWN LEFT IN MRS. FLINT’S office as MRS. FLINT, followed by a nervous DORIS, ENTERS the OFFICE. MRS. FLINT has a clipboard in hand and is examining a report.)

MRS. FLINt: I see that Peter, Greg and Bobby have followed our lead and finally finished cleaning out the Drama Club’s closets. Miss Drake, how would you evaluate the boys’ rehabilitation progress?

dORIS: I... I believe they are ready to go back to leading a normal life. (Under her breath.) I know I am.

MRS. FLINt: Excuse me?dORIS: They are new young men.MRS. FLINt: Fantastic. I’m very proud of those boys. You’ve helped

re-direct their lives in a positive direction, Doris.

For preview only

29

dORIS: Thank you, Mrs. Flint. I try every chance I get to rehabilitate our youth.

StACy: (ENTERS LEFT.) Mrs. Flint! The call just came in. The Principal of the Year judges will meet you at the roller rink this Friday at five o’clock!

MRS. FLINt: How exciting! Doris, my day has finally arrived.dORIS: Thrilling.MRS. FLINt: (To STACY.) How are things going over at the roller rink?StACy: I’ve heard everything is going smoothly. Congratulations,

Mrs. Flint!MRS. FLINt: Let’s not get too excited, Stacy. Nothing’s final.dORIS: That’s right, Stacy. That’s right. (MRS. FLINT, DORIS and

STACY EXIT LEFT as PETER, GREG and BOBBY ENTER and cross to EXTREME DOWN RIGHT. LIGHTS SHIFT DOWN RIGHT as DANNY ENTERS the park.)

dANNy: Over here, you guys.PEtER: Hey, Danny. What’s up?dANNy: Glad you could make it.gREg: Why the secret meeting?bObby: I smell one jive turkey, and he’s standing in front of us.dANNy: I need your help.bObby: Hah! Us help you?dANNy: I hear you’ve been doing a lot of work after school.gREg: Who told you that?dANNy: These things get around.PEtER: (Grabs DANNY by the collar.) I hope you’re not the one

spreading the word.dANNy: I hear you, man. C’mon. I wouldn’t do a thing like that. (PETER

lets go of DANNY.) Especially when I got a special project for you.gREg: What’s that?dANNy: I want you to create some chaos when the Principal of the

Year judges come to Culpepper.PEtER: You mean five o’clock Friday?dANNy: How do you know that?gREg: (Dry.) These things get around.

For preview only

30

dANNy: Then I need you to get to the rink by 4:30 and throw a wrench into everything. You guys know how to do it with style.

bObby: Why would we want to do that?gREg: We’re just about to finish our (Sarcastic.) rehabilitation program.

If we foul up, we’re gone from school.dANNy: If you help me, I guarantee that life will change for you.bObby: What do you mean?dANNy: Miss Drake is behind all of this. You help me, and I’ll make

sure you guys get a life in school that you never dreamed of.gREg: Like what?dANNy: Straight A’s without doing a single bit of work. If you want a

Big Mac for lunch, you’ll get it.gREg/PEtER/bObby: (Ad libs.) Wow!

Far out!Cool!

dANNy: We’ll all be treated like kings ’cause we’ll all have Miss Drake in the palm of our hands. She’ll owe us big time if we can make Flint look like “Imbecile of the Year” instead of Principal of the Year.

PEtER: How are we going to do that? She’ll recognize us when we crash the big occasion.

dANNy: That’s your problem. Now, are you guys in?gREg/PEtER/bObby: (Take a moment to think, look at each other.)

We’re in!dANNy: Right on! Slide me some skin, guys!PEtER: What it is!gREg: What it was!bObby: What it will be!dANNy: Gonna change for me! Gonna set me free! (Walks in a very

70s “keep on truckin’” sort of way and EXITS PARK DOWN RIGHT. PETER, GREG and BOBBY follow DANNY’S lead and EXIT DOWN RIGHT, imitating DANNY’S walk, saying:)

gREg/PEtER/bObby: Gonna change for me! Gonna set me free! (Continue till OFFSTAGE, then MIKE and DEBBIE ENTER the rink LEFT carrying a non-folding chess board with the chess pieces already in place. They are followed IN by ANDREA and ROBERT. MIKE and DEBBIE sit down and immediately resume an intense chess game. ANDREA and ROBERT stand and watch the game.)

For preview only

31

MIkE: (Moves chess piece.) There! That should put you in a hole. I’m the Bobby Fischer of Culpepper.

RObERt: I wouldn’t count on it. At least Bobby Fischer beat somebody from the Soviet Union.

ANdREA: Looks like he has you, Debbie. (DEBBIE more intensely examines the chessboard. CINDY, POLLY, KENT and DUDE ENTER RIGHT and sit at one of the tables STAGE RIGHT. SISSY, CARRIE, EILEEN, MARCIA and JAN also ENTER RIGHT and sit at another table. They are ALL colossally bored.)

dudE: (Wanders over to watch the chess game.) Hello, braniacs. (No response from the CHESS TEAM. They are too involved in the game.)

dEbbIE: Looks like you’re right, Mike. (BILLY BOB and CHARLEY ENTER RIGHT as DEBBIE stands.) I give up.

bILLy bOb: Hello, kids.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Hello, Billy Bob.

Hello, Charley.How’s it going?Nice to see you.Etc.

ChARLEy: What’s everyone up to?ANdREA: Just a little chess-action.POLLy: And waiting for a little disco-action.bILLy bOb: Just never mind us.ChARLEy: We just need to check out a few more things.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Go right ahead.

It’s all yours.No problem with us.Just need to be quiet.Etc.

MIkE: Debbie, you always get yourself in the hole. You’ve got to learn “the move.”

dudE: You bet. With the dance coming up, everyone will want to know (Takes a disco stance.) “the move.”

kENt: Lookin’ good, Dude.JAN: Disco is funky.SISSy: I know I’m totally hooked on disco.CARRIE: You’re not the only one.EILEEN: I know I’m ready for the dance.

For preview only

32

dudE: Disco is gravy. (LARRY, JOHN and BARRY ENTER LEFT. BARRY still suffers from “tormented tonsils”!)

LARRy: When you say, “disco” you are talking boss extraordinaire.CARRIE: It’s disco!JOhN: Disco is...bARRy: Dy-no-mite!MIkE: Will you be quiet over there?SISSy: It’s kind of difficult to keep things quiet when you’re talkin’ disco.dEbbIE: You’re making something out of nothing. There’re more

important things to worry about.CINdy: What could be important than a dance?POLLy: Especially a disco dance.kENt: A disco dance right here!MIkE: How about a chess match against the Soviet Union.dudE: No way. Disco.ANdREA: Chess!SISSy: Disco!dEbbIE: Chess!CARRIE: Disco!RObERt: Chess!bILLy bOb: Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Control yourselves.ChARLEy: Aren’t you on the same side?dEbbIE: You’re right. It’s just that the pressure is beginning to get

to me.bILLy bOb: What’s the matter?dEbbIE: If I can’t figure out this one move, I’m sure to lose the chess

tournament.bILLy bOb: Maybe there’s a way that I can help.MIkE: How?ANdREA: We’re talking serious chess.RObERt: (To BILLY BOB.) I don’t mean to offend you, but you don’t

look like a chess player.kENt: He’s saying you don’t look like a nerd.ChARLEy: You’d be surprised at Billy Bob’s talents. He’s somewhat

of a chess master.

For preview only

33

bILLy bOb: Let me take a look at your problem. (Crosses to chessboard.)

dEbbIE: He says I’m facing doom in only a few moves.bILLy bOb: Not if you use the Billy Bob move.dEbbIE: What’s that?bILLy bOb: It’s a little strategy I made up myself when it looked like

I was in a hole. (Plays a few moves against MIKE. A few seconds later.) Checkmate!

MIkE: What? I don’t believe it!bILLy bOb: Did you see what I did? It’s guaranteed to help you beat

a Russian.dEbbIE: Thanks a lot, Billy Bob.bILLy bOb: No problem.dEbbIE: Well now that that’s over, is everybody ready?ANdREA: Ready for what?dEbbIE: Our disco party, of course. (EVERYONE cheers.)dudE: And I’ve got the perfect theme for the party—harmonic

convergence, man!ALL: (Ad lib.) Huh? What? What’s that? (MUSIC CUE 5: “Harmonic

Convergence.”)JOhN: (Speaks.) I think what Dude means is it’s time we all work

together to make the earth a better place to live. What better way then by having a…

dudE/JOhN: (Low five. Speak.) Harmonic convergence party!ALL: (Speak. Ad lib.) Right on! Far out! Groovy, baby! etc.JOhN: (Sings.) Harmonic convergence today!dEbbIE: (Sings.) Harmonic convergence, love is the way!dudE: (Sings.) Harmonic convergence, far out!dEbbIE/JOhN/dudE: (Sing.)

Harmonic convergence is what it’s about!ALL: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence today.

Harmonic convergence,gIRLS: (Sing.) Love is the way!

bOyS: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence, far out!ALL: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence, is what it’s about!gIRLS: (Sing.) Blue skies, clean air, green trees everywhere,

For preview only

34

bOyS: (Sing.) Pure water, clear lakes, hard work is what it takes!ALL: (Sing.) Save the flower, save the plant,

’Round the world they’ll hear our chant.Save the dolphin, save the whale!Save the earth, we will prevail!Harmonic convergence today!Harmonic convergence,

gIRLS: Love is the way!bOyS: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence right now!ALL: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence, our solemn vow!gIRLS: (Sing.) Come one, come all, come heed our call.bOyS: (Sing.) Take pleasure, take pride, stand together side by side.ALL: (Sing.) Save the ocean, save the sea, every river running free.

Save the mammal, save the bird.Now’s the time to spread the word!Harmonic convergence today!Harmonic convergence,

gIRLS: (Sing.) Love is the way!bOyS: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence right now!ALL: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence, our solemn vow!

(DANCE INTERLUDE.)Harmonic convergence today.Harmonic convergence,gIRLS: (Sing.) Love is the way!

bOyS: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence, right now!gIRLS: (Sing.) Harmonic convergence,ALL: (Sing.) Our solemn,

Our solemn,Our solemn vow!Harmonic convergence! (BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Four

Scene FiveLIGHTS UP: RITA, CHARLEY and BILLY BOB talk, CENTER STAGE.RItA: I sure appreciate you holding off on the construction job.ChARLEy: It’s obvious the kids are really excited about the disco

dance.bILLy bOb: Where’s the disco ball?

For preview only

35

RItA: It’s still out in my car. However, it’s got a lot of fingerprints on it with everyone holding and touching it.

ChARLEy: We could always use our industrial glass cleaner to give it a professional shine.

RItA: That would be wonderful.bILLy bOb: It’s out in the truck. Why don’t we shine it up before we

bring it in here? It would be a real surprise to all of the kids.RItA: That’s a great idea! They’ve worked so hard to make things

work, they deserve nothing but the best.bILLy bOb: Then let’s give them the best. We’ll get to work on it.

(BILLY BOB and CHARLEY EXIT LEFT as BARRY ENTERS LEFT.)RItA: What’s up, Barry? You’re out of school kind of early.bARRy: I’m skipping my final class. I’m tired of having to answer

questions with a voice like a mouse.RItA: Listen, honey. I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles in my day. If I

can do it, you can too.bARRy: Yeah, but listen to me. (Using popular phrases of the 70s,

trying to get his voice back to normal.) “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.” “Who loves you, baby?” “Keep on truckin’!” Darn it!

RItA: I see, I mean, I hear your problem.bARRy: (Does not find this funny.) Will anyone ever take me seriously

with a voice like this?RItA: I’m sorry, Barry.... You know, I think with a little positive thinking,

you can overcome this.bARRy: I can?RItA: Sure.bARRy: How can I do it?RItA: Just think positive. Close your eyes and hang loose. (RITA shows

him how to “hang loose.” BARRY follows her lead.) Now just talk...bARRy: (With eyes closed, he repeats these terms. As he does, his

voice slowly changes back to normal.) “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.” “Who loves you, baby?” “Keep on truckin’!” (Totally normal now.) It worked! It worked! Thank you, Rita.

RItA: No problem, Barry. Just consider it part of the fine service here at the roller rink.

dANNy: (ENTERS LEFT carrying the disco ball.) Let the party begin!RItA: It looks great, doesn’t it?

For preview only

36

bARRy: (With a little of the old “squeak” in his voice.) Sure does!dANNy: Yeah, it’s awesome!RItA: Make sure you don’t get too many fingerprints on it, Danny. You

saw that Billy Bob and Charley were shining it up.dANNy: (Unusually enthusiastic.) You bet, Rita. I’ll do my best.RItA: Everyone’s going to love it. (STUDENTS ENTER LEFT.)SISSy: (Grabs the Magic Eight Ball.) Is the dance tonight going to be

far out? (Shakes the Magic Eight Ball for answer.) “It is decidedly so.” Wow! Things are looking good!

CARRIE: I could have told you that without the Magic Eight Ball.POLLy: It doesn’t hurt.kENt: All I know is that I’m ready to boogie down.dudE: I’m gonna go with the flow and jam.LARRy: Far out!MARCIA: Guess what, everyone. I’d like to announce that I’ve been

accepted to attend the National Cheerleading Championships. A dance will certainly show everyone the grace and poise that helped me get in.

JAN: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!CINdy: (Sees the disco ball.) Wow! The disco ball is really shining.

What did you do, Rita?RItA: Billy Bob and Charley shined it up with some of their industrial

strength glass cleaner.JOhN: I hoped you checked for any ingredients that are not

biodegradable.RItA: Don’t worry, John. I’m sure Billy Bob and Charley care about the

environment as much as you do. (MRS. FLINT, DORIS and STACY ENTER LEFT.)

JOhN: I hope so.MRS. FLINt: Everyone! The committee will be here in a few minutes.StACy: Where are the Checkmates?MRS. FLINt: Oh, my. Not everyone is here?dORIS: (Looks at DANNY.) That’s right. Not everyone is here.dANNy: Don’t worry. They’ll be here.MRS. FLINt: (Surprised.) Danny! Thank you for your positive thinking.

(MRS. KOONSMAN, MIKE, ANDREA, ROBERT and DEBBIE ENTER LEFT.)

For preview only

37

MRS. kOONSMAN: Sorry we’re late.MRS. FLINt: That’s okay.MRS. kOONSMAN: We’re so excited.MIkE: My first disco dance.ANdREA: It’s your first dance at all.MRS. FLINt: You’re just in time. The Principal of the Year committee

will be here any second. A dance is a wonderful way to show them the Culpepper spirit!

MARCIA: Mrs. Flint, as Culpepper’s newest representative at the National Cheerleading Championships, I would like to offer my services and give the committee a welcoming cheer.

MRS. FLINt: That would be a splendid idea. (GREG, PETER and BOBBY ENTER LEFT. They are dressed as cheerleaders and speak in falsetto.)

dORIS: (Eyes DANNY.) I don’t believe this!dANNy: (To DORIS.) Stay cool. Just go with the flow.gREg/PEtER/bObby: Hello.ALL: Hello.gREg: We understand that this is where we can find the incredible

school spirit of Culpepper.CARRIE: And you are?PEtER: I’m Mary.bObby: I’m Terry.gREg: I’m Geri.PEtER: We’re visiting.CINdy: From where?bObby: Uh, Sutton City.kENt: Sutton City? Right on. You must know my cousin Rhonda

Wilford.bObby: Uh, that’s right. Rhonda. Don’t know her that well.kENt: Really? She’s pretty popular.bObby: I’m just shy, I guess.EILEEN: What brings you here?bObby: We heard you were having a disco dance.CARRIE: Wow! News gets around fast.bARRy: No kidding.

For preview only

38

POLLy: Barry, your voice! What happened?bARRy: (Looks at RITA.) Just had a little help from a friend.dudE: That’s solid!JOhN: (To BOBBY.) How’d you find out about our disco dance?dANNy: (Breaks in.) That doesn’t matter. Welcome to Culpepper!

You’re talkin’ serious friendship in this place!MRS. FLINt: (To DANNY.) That’s so nice of you to say, Danny. (To

GREG, PETER and BOBBY.) Ladies, I can’t help but notice your cheerleading outfits.

PEtER: We’re on Sutton City’s cheerleading squad.MRS. FLINt: How impressive. As I understand, you won the President’s

physical fitness award.gREg/PEtER/bObby: Really?dANNy: They’re so modest.StACy: Wow! Maybe you should welcome the Teacher of the Year

committee with a cheer.dORIS: That’s a splendid idea. I’m sure they can come up with a

wonderful cheer.StACy: It would be perfect! We would be showing our friendship with

other schools.bObby: We would be honored.gREg: It would be a thrill, though we’re a bit rusty.StACy: Oh, you must. You’re honored guests of the Culpepper Knights!PEtER: I guess we can give a little cheer.dANNy: Little? Give a cheer that’s totally heavy!MRS. FLINt: Then it’s settled. When the committee gets here, put

together your best welcome.MARCIA: (Upset.) It’s not fair Mrs. Flint. I want do the welcoming cheer.

(Going to pieces.) It’s not fair!JAN: (Smiles.) Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Control yourself. You’re freakin’

out!MARCIA: Shut up, Jan. (BUZZ and DELILAH burst IN RIGHT.)buZZ: Okay, everyone. Stand still and nothin’ will happen!MRS. FLINt: Welcome. You must be the judges. But you didn’t have

to use the back door.dELILAh: Whatever you say.

For preview only

39

MRS. FLINt: (To GREG, PETER and BOBBY.) Okay, girls. Let’s give this fine committee your opening cheer.

gREg/PEtER/bObby: Blue! Green! Yellow! Pink!We all know the judges stink!If you think Culpepper’s cool,Well, hey, jive turkey, you’re a fool!

dANNy: (Laughs.) Right on!MRS. FLINt: Girls!ALL: (Ad lib.) You can’t say that!

That’s not right!What do you think you’re doing?Etc.

MRS. FLINt: (To DANNY.) Danny, are you up to something?buZZ: We just need that disco ball. (To DELILAH.) Now! (DELILAH

snatches disco ball. MUSIC CUE 6: “Chase Music.”)POLLy: Hey! What are you doing?CINdy: I don’t think these are the judges, Mrs. Flint.dudE: That’s ours. (Grabs the disco ball from DELILAH. BUZZ grabs

the disco ball from DUDE. BARRY grabs it from BUZZ. Suddenly, a keep away game develops as the ball is passed from person to person and BUZZ and DELILAH attempt to chase it down. As chaos ensues, MRS. DUNCAN, MRS. HOTCHNER and MRS. GERBER ENTER LEFT.)

MRS. FLINt: (Yells.) Marcia! Marcia! Here are the real judges. Now! (As MARCIA does her cheer, GREG, PETER and BOBBY do their cheer. Of course, the keep away game also continues. In other words, the scene is [organized] chaos!)

MARCIA: Two! Four! Six! Eight!Who do we appreciate?We’re the school that’s outta sight!Culpepper! Culpepper! Knights! Knights!

gREg/PEtER/bObby: Now’s the chance for a knockout win.Let’s celebrate, slide me some skin!(Chant to music.) Blue, green, yellow, black!Hey, them judges don’t know jack!If you think Culpepper’s cool,Well, hey, jive turkey, you’re a fool!(MARCIA and GREG, PETER and BOBBY repeat their cheers, trying to outshout each other in front of the shocked JUDGES. STUDENTS are yelling and chasing after the disco ball. [NOTE: This scene will

For preview only

40

take much rehearsal and choreography to ensure that it’s not really sheer confusion. If desired, BUZZ and DELILAH can chase STUDENTS up and down the aisles of the AUDIENCE, passing the ball to AUDIENCE MEMBERS. The humor is in the chaos! But remember, you need to rehearse it carefully.] Finally, as things reach the peak, DANNY steps in and holds on to ball. He grabs hot dog from behind the counter and points it at BUZZ and DELILAH.)

dANNy: Freeze! (MUSIC OUT. EVERYONE freezes except GREG, PETER and BOBBY, who continue cheering. BUZZ and DELILAH hold up their hands. To GREG, PETER and BOBBY.) That goes for you, too! (They stop immediately.)

gREg: What’s up with you?dANNy: You’re giving me a royal headache. (To BUZZ and DELILAH.)

As for you two, don’t move!buZZ: Hey! All you got in your hands is the hot dog!JOhN: Yeah. But it’s a dangerous hot dog! It has tons of artificial

flavorings and seasonings and who knows what else!buZZ: Give me the disco ball, kid!dANNy: No! This is our disco ball!buZZ: (Moves closer.) Not if I can help it! (CHARLEY and BILLY BOB

burst IN RIGHT.)bILLy bOb: Hold it right there, Buzz!ChARLEy: It’s all over!dELILAh: Oh, no! We’ve been caught! (BILLY BOB crosses to DANNY

and takes the diamond off the ball.)bILLy bOb: (To DANNY.) Good job, Danny.ChARLEy: You’re a hero!dANNy: Me? A hero?ChARLEy: That’s right. A hero. You stopped them before they got away

with this. (Points to diamond from disco ball that BILLY BOB holds.)bILLy bOb: The museum will be happy to get this back.dANNy: Wow!CARRIE: I thought you were construction workers.ChARLEy: Actually, we’re with the F.B.I.bILLy bOb: Undercover detectives.ChARLEy: We’ve been watching these two crooks for years.buZZ: I don’t believe this.

For preview only

41

RItA: (Points to the diamond.) What are you doing with my rhinestone?ChARLEy: It’s not your rhinestone. They pulled a switch. It’s a diamond

worth millions of dollars. These two were going to sell it off.StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Wow! A real diamond.

Right on!Solid!Etc.

RItA: If you knew it was a diamond, how come you didn’t do something when we were shining up the ball?

bILLy bOb: We needed to catch them with the diamond to make it an open and shut case.

dELILAh: I guess it’s back to the slammer.ChARLEy: That’s right.RItA: But what about the skating rink’s new floor?ChARLEy: We just needed some kind of front to catch these two.

Don’t worry. Everything is fine.buZZ: Maybe for them. As for me, everything stinks.ChARLEy: C’mon, Buzz. Delilah. Let’s go! (Grabs both of them.)bILLy bOb: (To STUDENTS.) Thanks for your help. Especially you,

Danny.dEbbIE: (To BILLY BOB.) And thanks for your help. We’ll dedicate

our victory over the Russians to you.bILLy bOb: No problem. Good luck, Checkmates!MIkE/ANdREA/RObERt/dEbbIE: Thank you! (BILLY BOB and

CHARLEY lead BUZZ and DELILAH OUT LEFT.)MRS. FLINt: (To MRS. DUNCAN, MRS. HOTCHNER and MRS.

GERBER.) I’m so sorry for the chaos.MRS. duNCAN: This is totally out of order!MRS. hOtChNER: We thought that a candidate for Principal of the

Year would have things in a lot more control.MRS. gERbER: We certainly couldn’t give you or Culpepper any type

of recognition. (STUDENTS and CHECKMATES react with moans. GREG, PETER and BOBBY grin.)

dANNy: Wait! You’ve got it all wrong!MRS. gERbER: Young man, we can sense a school that has a lack

of discipline.

For preview only

42

dORIS: I have to agree. I’ve been vice-principal of this school for years, and it’s time for a change. I would be happy to take over.

MRS. duNCAN: We may have to look into that.dANNy: Don’t listen to her! Miss Drake is nothin’ but a dishonest jive

turkey!dORIS: Danny!dANNy: She’s been plotting to get Mrs. Flint out of Culpepper High

for years.MRS. FLINt: Oh, my gosh!dORIS: Not true! Not true!dANNy: (Walks over to GREG, PETER and BOBBY.) These three are

in on it, too. They’re not cheerleaders!MRS. FLINt: I wondered. They’re really quite mediocre.dANNy: That’s not what I mean. Okay, guys, the gig’s up. (GREG,

PETER and BOBBY take off their wigs. EVERYONE gasps.)MRS. FLINt: Greg. Peter. Bobby. I’m very disappointed in you.bObby: (Points to DANNY.) Mrs. Flint, he pulled us into this scam.MRS. FLINt: Is that true, Danny?dANNy: I’m afraid so.MRS. gERbER: (To DANNY.) So how are you involved in all of this?dANNy: Because I was part of her plot. (Points to DORIS.) Just like

the Elmer’s glue incident. (To DORIS.) You’re going down with me this time!

dORIS: I knew I could never trust you.StACy: (To DANNY.) Why are you being so honest now?dANNy: Because now I know what it feels like to make a difference

in this world. (To MRS. FLINT.) I know now what you’ve been trying to do all this time. I’m sorry.

MRS. FLINt: Danny, a sincere apology is all I wanted to hear from you. Would you like to come back to school?

dANNy: (Picks up the Magic Eight Ball and shakes it. Reads answer.) Not only does the Eight Ball say “Yes,” but so do I. (ALL cheer.)

MRS. FLINt: (To GREG, PETER and BOBBY.) As for you three, it’s a two day suspension, then you’re back to cleaning up the football stadium... every week.

gREg/PEtER/bObby: Yes, Mrs. Flint.PEtER: We’re done with pranks.

For preview only

43

bObby: If Danny can turn himself around, so can we.gREg: Right on! (The BOYS “low five” with DANNY.)MRS. hOtChNER: (To DORIS. Stern.) Miss Drake, I suspect this will

be your last day as vice-principal of Culpepper.MRS. duNCAN: In fact, you might as well start packing your things now.dORIS: I don’t believe this.MRS. gERbER: You better believe it.MRS. FLINt: Doris! Is this true? Have you really been working against

me?dORIS: I couldn’t take it any more. All of your awards and success

stories... I was never going to become principal working under you.MRS. hOtChNER: And it’s a good thing, too.MRS. duNCAN: Start packing. (DORIS EXITS LEFT.)CARRIE: But who’s going to be the vice-principal now?MRS. FLINt: I believe Stacy—I mean Ms. Buttercup—has shown she is

qualified to take the position. Ms. Buttercup, will you be Culpepper’s new vice-principal?

StACy: To work under your leadership? I would be honored. But now that you aren’t going to win Principal of the Year, are you going to retire?

StudENtS: (Ad lib.) Retire? Don’t do that!We need you more than ever.Mrs. Flint, you can’t go.You’re the best principal in the world!Etc.

MRS. FLINt: How touching. (Pause.) I can’t leave all you! Of course I’ll stay. (EVERYONE cheers.)

MRS. duNCAN: Conference! (JUDGES huddle and have a quick talk.)MRS. gERbER: The committee would like to recognize the Principal

of the Year...MRS. gERbER/MRS. hOtChNER/MRS. duNCAN: Mrs. Flint!

(EVERYONE cheers.)MRS. FLINt: I don’t believe it!RItA: Everyone, this calls for a celebration. What have you all been

asking for?ALL: Disco!

For preview only

44

dANNy: (Shouts.) It’s Friday Knight Fever! (MUSIC CUE 7: “Friday Knight Fever—Reprise.”)

ALL: (Sing.) Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever!Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!

SOLOISt 1: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body to the funky beat.

SOLOISt 2: (Sings.)Shake your body, shake your body in the midnight heat.

gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.gIRLS: (Sing.)

Really, really wanna shake my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah!SOLOISt 3: (Sings.)

Shake your body, shake your body, everybody dance.SOLOISt 4: (Sings.)

Shake your body, shake your body, gotta take a chance.bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna move my body.gIRLS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna boogie down.bOyS: (Sing.) Really, really wanna shake my body.ALL: (Sing.) Get down, get down.

We will survive!Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever.Celebrate tonight.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Celebrate tonight,We’re gonna dance forever.Celebrate all night.Friday Knight Fever, Friday Knight Fever,Catchin’ a shinin’ star!Tonight!

END OF MUSICALMUSIC CUE 8: “Curtain Call.”

For preview only

45

PROduCtION NOtESPROPERTIES

ON STAGE: Tables and chairs, counter with various items, Magic Eight Ball, posters, signs, two plates with hot dogs, comic book under counter (RINK); office table, chairs, books (MRS. FLINT’S OFFICE), tree (PARK).BROUGHT ON, Scene One: Disco Ball with “diamond” attached, letter (RITA).BROUGHT ON, Scene Two: Envelope with letter (STACY).BROUGHT ON, Scene Three: Coat (Rita); Brown paper bag with diamond (BUZZ); blueprints, wallet with ID, pencil and small notebook (BILLY BOB); pencil and small notebook (CHARLEY).BROUGHT ON, Scene Four: Clipboard (MRS. FLINT).BROUGHT ON, Scene Five: Disco ball (DANNY).

COSTUMESIt’s the 1970s and anything that reinforces this concept will look good. Students at the rink can wear bell-bottoms, polyester, platform shoes, leisure suits, earth shoes. DUDE can look overly wild to get a laugh. Hairstyles should also reflect the 70s if possible, with long, straight hair for girls and shoulder length hair or “Afros” for boys. CHECKMATES should wear more conservative, less stylish costuming. BILLY BOB and CHARLEY should be dressed to look like construction workers. Adult characters such as MRS. FLINT and DORIS wear conservative outfits. RITA could be costumed to show her sports background, perhaps wearing a sweatshirt and pants.

For preview only

Thank you for reading this E-view. This E-view script from Pioneer Drama Service will stay permanently in your Pioneer Library, so you can view it whenever you log in on our website. Please feel free to save it as a pdf document to your computer if you wish to share it via email with colleagues assisting you with your show selection.

To produce this show, you can order scripts for your cast and crew and arrange for performance royalties via our website or by phone, fax, or mail.

If you’d like advice on other plays or musicals to read, our customer service representatives are happy to assist you when you call 800.333.7262 during normal business hours.

Thank you for your interest in our plays and musicals.

www.pioneerdrama.com

800.333.7262Outside of North America 303.779.4035 Fax 303.779.4315

PO Box 4267Englewood, CO 80155-4267

We’re here to help!

DRAMA WITHOUT THE DRAMAWords on a page are just words on a page. It takes people to turn them into plays and musicals. At Pioneer, we want the thrill of the applause to stay with you forever, no matter which side of the curtain you’re on. Everything we do is designed to give you the best experience possible:

WHy PIOnEER:

Maintain control of your casting. We know you can’t always control who auditions. Take advantage of our many shows that indicate flexible casting and switch

the genders of your roles without restrictions. And with Pioneer, you also get access to scripts that were written for the entire

cast, not just a star lead performer like so many other mainstream musicals and plays.

adapt and custoMize.Pioneer helps you manage the number of roles in your production. We indicate where doubling is possible for a smaller cast, as well as provide suggestions where extras are possible to allow for additional actors. Both options will help you tailor your play for your specific cast size, not the other way around.

Be original.Get access to fresh, new musicals that will let your actors develop their characters instead of mimicking the same personalities we see on stage year after year.

take advantage of our teaching tools.Pioneer’s CD Sets include two high quality, studio-produced discs – one with lyrics so your students can learn by ear, the other without so they can rehearse and perform without an accompanist or pit band. You can even burn a copy of the vocal CD for each cast member without worrying about copyright laws. And with payment of your royalty, you have permission to use the karaoke CD in your actual production.

it’s like having an assistant.Use our Director’s Books and benefit from professional features designed by and for directors. Line counts, scene breakdowns, cues and notes – you’ll love our spiral-bound, 8½” x 11” books with the full script only on one side of the page to leave plenty of room for your own notes.

videotaping? We’d Be disappointed if you didn’t!With Pioneer, you’ll never have to worry about videotaping your production and posting it on YouTube. In fact, we encourage it. We understand that your production is about your performers, not our script. Make the experience the best it can be, take pictures and videos, and share them with the community. We always love seeing our scripts come to life.