Pinky Promise Chapter 1-5

8/4/2019 Pinky Promise Chapter 1-5

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DEDICATION

For my father, Luis Alfonso Valdes.

For my husband, that I love dearly.For my brother, Kevin- and for the other siblings that Inever grew up with; Never had the pleasure of getting

to know. For our family that never grew up as onebecause of the inevitable loss of a jaded, yet beautiful

soul. May God forgive him and be holding him in aspecial place in heaven, a second chance at paradise.


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Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.-Richard Bach


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Prologue

A young man of barely nineteen drove down the streets of Hollywood Boulevard on

his sleek black motorcycle, his vision a blur and his breath infected with the taste of

whiskey. Whiskey was a mans drink his father had told him once as a child.

Watching the old man drink had always been something of admiration for him. That

was until he came home one day after school to find his mother had been beaten to

death-by his fathers hands-no image could ever replace that. Until the day he had

had turned sixteen, when he had received word of his fathers suicide in the jail cell,

with pictures to match. Orphaned, and no longer feeling as if life was something to

cherish, he had turned to the streets; despite his grandfathers wealth and the fact

he had been taken in. In the back of his mind, he felt like the rebellion was

necessary. Somehow he had to prove to himself that he wasnt a monster like his

father was. He could live the lifestyle his father had once led, and not be sucked in

by it. How wrong he had been, he was like a vampire. Becoming greedier and

greedier by the minute, and it had nothing to do with money. It was the power. The

respect; and how easily he gained that just by making a few deals and a few

threats here and there. Turning down the corner of where many local street kids

liked to hang out, Hazel eyes looked up at the moon, his vision momentarily clear

and inhaled deeply. Wondering what hell was like; he stopped the motorcycle at a

stop sign and looked down at his watch. Almost two, His grandfather would be

worried. Turning another corner, he suddenly had the feeling as if someone was

watching him. Looking up he spotted a young boy of barely fifteen, wearing a black

sweatshirt and staring at him darkly. Im Sorry, His mouth had seemed to say as

he extended his hand, the silver flashing in the dark night, and the trigger pulled.

First it had been his chest, then his arm, and right before the third shot had fired he

spoke up at the sky and to the moon. Thank-you, He had whispered as relief

swept over him, noting a white light. Now he could see his mother again, and that

was all that mattered, for he had promised that he would never leave her. And

heaven had allowed him access, despite his actions.


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ONE

When you're younger you could never imagine what

the feeling of loss could be. Nothing could take away someone

you loved. In fact, the idea of death seemed almost impossible. Imaginingwaking up to find that you will never hear their voice, smell their cologne,hug them, ignore them while they watched the television was just notsomething anyone should have to cope with, ever.

At eight years old I had remembered the look on my mother's face oneMonday morning only a week from those terrible attacks that had destroyedour city, our country, even the world one could say. My mother could barelylook at my baby brother and I, she had ran to her room feigning lack ofsleep. Instead, my grandmother dressed us and walked us to our bus stopwhere we headed to school. Once the school psychologist pulled me out ofmy third grade class, I knew there was something off but I never could haveimagined what that was.

"Do you know what heaven is?" That's how she had started the conversationthat would lead to the knowledge of knowing my father was dead. Gone. Nolonger living on this earth but in "heaven" where all those that passed awaywould supposedly go. Going white, I had lost the ability to speak for whatfelt like hours, but must have only been minutes. My mother sat silently inthe corner as tears streamed down her young and beautiful face.

Once I regained the ability to communicate I screamed in anger, "No stoplying! You're lying, my daddypromisedhe would never leave me!

And he truly had, after the divorce he promised to always be around. Nomatter what. And I had believed him.

Even though screaming and crying was useless it was all I could do. The painwas unbearable. Like being punched in the stomach over and over againwhile also being choked. It hurt so badly I felt like my insides were going toexplode and all I could think about were my father's kind and glorious hazeleyes.

Months passed as I cried myself to sleep every single night while my babybrother hugged me, too young to realize he had lost anyone. The world wasweeping over the twin towers being attacked, and I was crying over analcoholic that had willingly driven while intoxicated. I didn't care about theattack or terrorists, they had not taken my father away, I cared about thefact he was gone. Never calling me his princess again. Never holding me in


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his arms and watching the Flintstones with me over and over again. Thisthen, had been my favorite movie.

Ten years later, I never imagined having to experience anything like that

"Jay, are you ready?"

My brother Louis knocked lightly on my bedroom door as he stood shufflinghis feet by the entrance awkwardly. Not answering I stood from my bedwhere I had been spending the last few weeks in and walked towards myvanity picking up a small white gold ring that held a heart shaped diamondstone.

Watching me in what looked like pure anguish, Louis almost winced as Iplaced it on my left ring finger.

"You look pretty..." His voice was meek, as he played with whatever was inthe pockets of his black trousers.

"Thanks." Walking towards him I helped him fix the tie he didn't seem toknow to put on properly. The black dress shirt he wore underneath alreadyhad a white stain on it. At fourteen Louis wasn't very clean and being a jockand pre-Madonna at almost every sport in the world didn't help.

Looking down at my short black dress I smoothed it out feeling strange inanything but marine t-shirts, it was all I had worn in the last three weeks.

Rushing into a pair of black heels and smoothing out mypoop colored hair(As I liked to call it), I followed my brother out of my bedroom, down thestairs, and into the black limo outside. Closing my eyes, I dreaded todaymore than anything and all I wished for was death. If only the grim reaperwould swoop down from wherever he resided and asked me if I still wantedto live. Gladly, I would have said no.

"Are his parents already there?" Abigail my best friend at times, andwonderful mother asked from somewhere across from me.

"I'm sure they are honey," Gio her husband, and someone I considered to belike a father replied. Louis considered him to be that more than I didbecause once he had swooped up my mother like a Cinderella story; I hadalready considered myself grown up. For a nine year old I had thoughthighly of myself then.

Noticing I wasn't in the talking mood, nobody else said anything the whole


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gruesome forty-five minutes there. Trying to keep my mind blank wasphysically impossible. Because my heart just wouldn't allow it. Feeling rippedapart into a million pieces it pounded in my chest as a reminder of how itcould never be whole again.

Another broken promise.

My eyes closed and it was insanity to think I could keep my mind blank asimages and memories taunted me. And then just like that I remembered theday the pinky promises had started fighting back tears:

"Jaylynn. Please don't cry. I promise everything will be fine. I'm doing thisfor us."

His hazel eyes stared into my boring brown eyes worriedly. Those eyes sokind and reminding me so much of my father's was what had me intriguedby him in the first place.

"I don't want you to leave me. Please don't go." I had sounded so weak,even to myself. But the thought of having him anywhere away wasunbearable. Especially when he would be away like this.

"Baby. I will never leave you. You know that. Joining will help us start afuture together ,faster. Closing his eyes momentarily. Don't you want

that?" As if I desired anything else.

I nodded meekly looking away from him and staring at the blankness ofwhat he considered his bedroom. A futon sprawled out on the floor, which iswhere we both sat. And a small old television on a wooden stand he hadbuilt himself. That was it. There had been a computer he had also builthimself on the farthest corner of the room, but he had sold that a couple ofmonths ago to buy me a necklace. I wore it then, it was two silver heartslinked as one. Thats what he and I were, we were one.

"Can't you just go back to college?" He had dropped out about a year agoshortly after meeting me.

Grabbing my hand he shook his head. "I can't afford it. I'm still paying billsfrom the one semester I did. I'd have to have a job and I already work sixdays a week. Ten hours a day."

Being sixteen and dating a nineteen year old had required a lot of sacrifices,including a social life because he occupied all my time. His schedule wasrigid and I couldn't imagine going a day without seeing him. And that's what


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had me so petrified at that moment. Not being able to see him for months orwho knew maybe years. I knew that going on the way he was- wasn'tgetting him anywhere, but the military- How could he have joined themarines, how could he just leave me?

I hugged him because I knew that would make him happy and I supportedhim because that's all I could do. Just as long as they were both okay. "I'mgoing to miss you."

He held me tighter as he shed tears. "I know baby but I'm not leaving yetand we still have a couple of months."

Nodding I kissed his cheek. "You will come back, Right?"

Chuckling lightly he wrapped his arms around me as we laid back on hisfuton. "You know I will, I could never leave you behind. Once boot camp isover I will visit and all my leave time will be dedicated to you. Besides wecan talk on the phone or email."

"But what if you get sent to... Iraq or something?" I shuddered at thethought and fought back horrid images.

His face became a statue of Greek wonder. "Then I go. It is my duty to mycountry." Always the loyal patriotic type, at that moment I both loved andloathed it.

"Even then, pinky promise you WILL come back."

Staring at my outstretched pinky questioningly his perfect lips twitched intoa smile. "Pinky promise?"

"It's something I used to do with my dad..." I didn't need to finish becausehe had his pinky wrapped around mine and then he raised our hands kissingmine.

"Sealing it with a kiss." He had whispered as I followed suit starting our own

little tradition.

Now, I cared about the terrorist attacks, now I recall and weep not onlyabout what had happened with my father ten years ago, but the fall of those


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two towers. Jace and I had been like that, two towers, soaring through thesky side by side, looking and feeling indestructible while we were together.

Jace's mother sat beside her husband holding his hand tightly and staring atthe coffin before us. Her face was blank, as if too hurt to register

expressions. Too numb maybe I had greeted them as politely as I couldwhile fighting back the tears that were threatening to drown me. Which Iwished they would.

Our family sat right beside his parent's. Why? Well because in eight monthswe all would have been family. His ring sat glimmering like an empty futureon my hand.

Yeah so what if everyone had said I was too young. So what if I was still inmy senior year of high school. So what if I may have been giving up gettinginto one of the best colleges in the country. None of that mattered becausespending the rest of my life with Jace Carlton was allI had ever wanted.

Blocking out everything the marine soldiers said to honor Jace, I shut myeyes trying to remember his smell and eventually it even felt like I reallycould smell him as the wind briefly swept through the ceremony. Jacealways smelled like honey, a bit of sweat, and badly washed laundry. Evenwhen he was on leave he always seemed to forget to put the clothes fromthe washer into the dryer before they developed that musty smell. I couldonly imagine how much trouble he would sometimes get in with hisuniforms.

They had an American flag laid over his coffin and I had the urge to removeit. It didn't matter to me that he was a war hero now. It didn't matter to methat he was an American soldier. It only mattered to me that he had riskedhis life and died over this stupid war I had no understanding of. We're allproud and dandy when fellow loved ones are serving and walking around inuniform alive. But, what to come when they aren't?

Grief, regret, pain, and of course anger. Another loss. And when youcompare this one loss to the hundreds and maybe thousands that occur

people stop thinking they matter. It does matter though. Every loss matters.

A month ago I had been proud to say I was going to be an Americansoldiers wife, today I am left with nothing.

Emptiness.

A red rose suddenly appeared in my hand and feeling like a robot I stood


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laying it over Jace's coffin.

Regret.

If only....well it was too late to think about that.

Mr. and Mrs. Carlton had a humble home. They were the extremelyhardworking middle class sort. And Jace being an only child had also beenthat type. He liked to work hard. Enjoyed helping both my mother and hisgarden, and mow the lawn. When Gio's car seemed off, Jace would get hisjeans dirty with oil to try and fix it, which he usually did. Being a footballstar back when he used to go to my school he helped Louis practice his

throws and tackles. After getting a puppy the responsibility of grooming andwashing him had been mine, but Jace had taken it upon himself. Spoiling mewith everything he seemed to do just for me.

Eating some pastries from the dining room table I took off to ignoreeveryone that kept repeating how sorry they were for my loss. Making myway to what used to be Jace's bedroom I closed the door and looked at thefuton.

Staring at it like it was some foreign object I sat on the blue carpeted floor,

my head against the door as the fountain of tears sprang from my body.Rocking myself I stared at the damn futon thinking about the day he hadtaken my virginity and then I began to suffocate.

I suddenly couldn't breathe and I was gasping for air. Gasping to feel Jace'sbreath on mine. Gasping to hear his voice, or just feelhim.

Why had he left me? Couldnt he have stayed with me! Did he really have togo No, he didnt, I could have stopped this. Somehow I felt like this was allmy fault. Dont take away someone else from me, lord, please just bring himback. Tell them all it was a mistake

On the way home, again it was silent. Louis looked out the black window asif he could see anything through it. Gio looked down at his cuffed sleevesand my mother looked away from me pretending to be interested in theglass bar.

She wasn't of course. Alcohol was a huge no in our family for obvious


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reasons.

Upstairs and down the hall I dashed into my bedroom closing the doorbehind me, almost ripping off the black dress I wore and throwing on themarine t-shirt that was Jaces.

Then like every other day, I buried myself under my covers praying to sleepbefore the tears overtook me. The tears won.

And like every other night the last few weeks when sleep did come, as didthe dreams and the memories ofhim.

Another week had passed and although I had no desire to...or care to really,it was time to go back to school before I completely failed at life.

I had always been considered one of those girls that cared about what theylooked like. And even though I didn't attend fashion shows every weekend Iwasn't someone that had buried themselves in a shell, I cared about trends.Call me girly, whatever.

But, today I didn't bother doing anything with my wavy and seeminglyimpossible hair. Instead I put it up in a messy bun, wore no make-up, andput on my marine shirt once again, even though I had not washed it. At

least though, I myself had showered. And my jeans were still a bit tight andhugged to me. Despite the obvious weight loss, considering I had lost myappetite completely.

If I had owned a pair of sneakers other than running shoes, I really wouldhave put some on. I didn't though, so flip-flops had to do. Surprisingly, mypedicure from however long ago didnt look like complete crap. Not that itmattered then.

Downstairs in the kitchen my mother had prepared coffee and was up and

waiting, looking at me sadly she went to hug me tightly.

"Are you hungry?"

My mom barely ever made anyone in the house breakfast, let alone cook.This pity fest needed to end.

"Yeah..." The way my voice came out sounded strange to me, I guess it was


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myself had not flickered through my brain, because it had. Many times. Ihad even contemplated all the many ways and possibilities of how I could goabout such a task, yet here I still was driving Louis and I to East Gates High.Back to normal life.

A part of me argued that it would be selfish to take my life and make thosethat loved me suffer the way I was now and even a small part of me was stillin denial that Jace was truly gone. In the back of my mind I still felt likethere was the slightest possibility this was all a lie or some terriblenightmare and that in eight months he would be at my front door expectingto try on his tuxedo.

Louis fiddled with the radio looking at me from the corner of his eye as if Iwas going to stop him. Nothing good was on apparently because he soonplugged his phone in as a new rapper I had never heard before blastedthrough my car.

"Who is this?"

"Mac Miller."

Listening to the beat I finally mumbled as we pulled into the school parkinglot, "I like him." Rap was never really my thing, maybe Id pick it up now.Times were indeed changing.

"He's great, right?"

Nodding I took the bag filled with my books from the backseat where it hadbeen for the last few weeks and got out of the car and made my appearancein the parking lot, dreading every second of it.

Just a couple of seconds ago it had been filled with laughter and chatter.Now it was as if everyone had gone mute, staring directly where I stood bymy car. Feeling like an extraterrestrial object I looked down.

Closing the door I pressed the lock button on my keys and followed my

brother inside the building, avoiding everyone. God, I really did not want tobe here at all.

No one approached me, yet.

By my locker, I froze because I had completely forgotten what my schedulefor this year had been. Where had my brain gone?


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"Jay..."

Leila's eyes scanned me to see if it was okay to talk. Today, the queen offashion and my best friend wore a striped black and white mini-skirt and aruffled black top, paired with studded black and silver sandals. Hugging her

white backpack to her she looked passed me and froze not waiting to hear orsee if I had responded to her presence.

"Hello to you too." She didn't blink or move. It reminded me of a frozenbobble head. For someone that liked to talk a lot and move as she did so,this was bizarre to me. Leila had never been so still.

Her eyes were intently frozen passed me. Shoving some notebooks that Ididn't think I needed inside my locker I closed it and turned to see what hadmy friend so stunned.

There he was in all his mighty glory, a new guy. Even I had to stop myselffrom growing breathless.

Wearing a white polo, brown shorts, and loafers, he looked like he walkedright out of an Abercrombie catalog. This guy was tall six something and ashe walked down the hallway nearing where we stood I could tell his bodywas very toned, although lean.

A tan summer glow covered his skin giving anyone the impression that hehad moved from somewhere south or maybe some place like California. His

dark brown hair was ruffled in waves reminding me of how Jace's used to bebefore he went and got it buzzed for boot camp. Wincing, I turned back tomy awe stricken friend snapping my fingers in her face.

"Earth to Leila."

Blinking a couple of times she finally turned to me looking dazed. "Uh, sorry.Have you ever seen such a beautiful boy?"

Not answering her question I tugged a strayed hair from my messy bun

behind my ear and walked as she followed. Yes, I had one.

"How has school been?"

"Shitty. I've missed you."

Gulping the knot in my throat, "I've missed you too..." Avoiding my friendshad been a task, but I had done a great job at doing so making me feel


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almost guilty.

Hesitantly she asked what I knew she had wanted to ask from the start,"How are you... I mean how have you been holding up?"

"I'm okay." A lie, but I knew she could tell. Not calling me on it she luckilychanged the subject.

"Do you know what your first class is?"

Pretending to think I shook my head as she smiled at me sadly and gesturedfor me to follow her. "You have A.P literature. Then Speech and Debate.Followed by Chemistry..."

"Uh. No. I may just skip that." I had failed chemistry last year. Anythingwith math and science I was horrible at. Although math was a bit easier.And I was not in the mood to suffer through more torture.

She continued, ignoring my comment, "Economics, Lunch, College Math, andCreative writing."

I groaned as we reached my first classroom. Giving me a small hug sheturned on her heel and left me to the torturous wrath of the academicsystem.

Unlike ever, today I sat in the backof my classroom as several of my peers

walked up to my desk apologizing and expressing their regrets for Jace'sdeath.

Even Aida White, a girl who had once been both Leila's and I's best friendcame up to my desk looking sorrowful and telling me how she was deeplysaddened by my loss. Trying my very hardest not to be rude, I had thankedher.

Mr. Jameson finally called our class to order and then to my utter dismaylooked at me.

"Miss Damon. I am deeply sorry for your loss and hope for the rest of theyear that we won't be too hard on you considering work load. I am also veryhappy to see you back."

Nodding meekly I looked down at my English textbook as he proceeded toinstruct the assignment for the day. Mr. Jameson had been my teacher forthe last four years because he was, well; the only equipped one to handle


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the honor and advanced placements students in our English department. Hewas the best, and my favorite. At the moment though I kind of wished hewasn't there. Those knowing eyes bore into mine sadly as I read theassigned pages or at least pretended to.

Once upon a time I had been one of those girls that wrote poems about herbeloved and handed them in as my creative writing assignments. Yes, hewas my teacher for that class as well. Which was the reason for mydiscomfort.

Fifteen minutes into class there was a knock on the wooden door, I lookedup to see it open and in stepped him, the new guy with the waved hair thatreminded me so much of Jace's.

Looking down I felt the room zoom in on him and everyone was nosing in onthe conversation before us. He was going to be the talk of the town for awhile.

"New student?" Mr. Jameson asked sounding as if he had grabbed somethingfrom the young man's hand.

"Yes sir. Jagger Broderick. Pleasure to meet you." His voice was musical italmost sounded like velvet and wine. And what kind of old English name wasthat? Sounded like the rich snob type.

Looking up I saw him extend his hand politely to Mr. Jameson's surprise and

then in all of God's strange way of hating me he was gestured to sit in thelast empty desk in the room, beside me. Why, this annoyed me I had notrealized at that point.

And it got worse.

"Jay I hope you don't mind sharing your textbook with Mr. Broderick, I don'tseem to have any extra copies with me."

With that, I watched in horror as the boy named Jagger gave me a lopsided

grin that reminded me too much of someone's and scooted his desk closer tomine.

Agitated, I pushed my book closer to the edge of my desk and lookedstraight ahead.


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TWO

"Thank-you." Sounding genuine, He was being entirely too polite for theobvious attitude I was giving off.

"Youre welcome." Still not looking at him because I could feel his breath ashe read very close to my neck. His smell caused my heart to tug in a weirddirection, it was like honey... and a mix of something else.

"The name is Jagger. What's your name?" The way he had asked my namewas entirely too curious sounding for my tastes.

This time I had to tilt my head in his direction and look at him. He wasleaning over the book staring at me intently with... hazeleyes.

Refusing to gasp, I stared at the beauty of them and then stared at his hair,his perfect lips that looked entirely too full to be a boy's and that aristocraticnose that screamed arrogance. Yet, he didn't carry himself as if he were.

"Jaylynn Damon." Attempting to hide the bitterness in my voice. I haddecided that at that very instant I hated this Jagger Broderick and it wasn'tbecause of the fact that he was completely gorgeous or polite and that hishazel eyes were very kind. It was because looking at him hurt.

Looking at him made me think of Jace and how he wasn't there anymore.Looking at him made me wish he was still there even more so.Looking at him made me think that Jace may have had an illegitimatebrother out there, because although they didn't look exactly like twins. Therewas an undeniable resemblance there.

"That is a lovely name." Even the way he spoke bothered me, it was too oldfashioned and too polite. Just the way Jace had spoken.

"Thanks." I didn't mean that at all as I opened up my notebook and began todraw random doodles. Anything to distract me from the boy sitting besideme.

Finally, the bell rang and I gathered all of my items making my way to thedoor when Mr. Jameson called my name.

"Jay and Mr. Broderick, a word."

We both halted by the door. Jagger was right behind me. Turning, Igrudgingly walked to my teacher's desk and looked up at him annoyed. He


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followed suit.

"Jay you have missed an unfortunate amount of work." Looking to the stupidboy beside me, "And you Mr. Broderick I mean Jagger have entered my A.Pclass during a very crucial point of the year. Our final is in three months. I

urge the both of you to attend a private tutoring session with me everyTuesday afterschool."

It was Monday. Not wanting to fail the only subject I was truly interested in,I agreed. "Okay, that's fine."

Leaving, I didn't stick around to see what the new guy's answer would be,but it didn't take a rocket scientist to guess.

I swear to god Jagger was following me because by the time lunch camearound it was apparent we either had the same schedule or he was going toall of the wrong classes.

He didn't look idiotic enough to do the lather, which meant that I was rightabout god hating me because the more I saw of Jagger, the more I loathedhim. Like Jace, third period in Chemistry it was apparent he had a knack forsciences and calculations. While the rest of the class was lost and had noidea what was going on, he had raised his hand answering everythingcorrectly. And I really didnt understand why he was taking the class in the

first place.

"How was the first day back?" Leila rushed to my side as soon as I enteredthe cafeteria.

Amazing. I reallymissed school. Rolling, my eyes involuntarily, I lookedaround the cafeteria as people watched me and whispered things to theirfriends. Stop looking at me, I dont want your pity, I yelled in my head.

Giggling nervously she gestured for me to follow her to the lunch table that

we had always sat in, apparently not noticing how everyone else wasreacting towards seeing me back. For some reason unknown to me,everyone knew who Jace and I were, everyone knew about us. To say theleast, I even bet most people knew our anniversary.

Hannah, Melissa, Danna, AJ, and Frank were already sitting down with theirtrays of food in front of them. Taking in how I much I had missed them Iwas glad to say these were the people I considered my group of friends.


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Hannah and AJ had been dating about a year now and Frank and Dannaalmost seven months. Before that, it was just all of us hanging out. AndJace

Melissa was the type of girl that had a new boyfriend every week or so,

sometimes two at the same time. No matter what though, they were allgreat.

Oh my god Jay! I am so glad to have you back! Hannah jumped from herseat and rushed to hug me and pat my head. Standing back she got a goodlook at me and raised her brows worriedly.

Youve lost so much weight Awe babe, I am so sorry. Again hugging metighter.

Her display was threatening the tears I had held back the entire day.

Danna was holding Franks hand and was looking up at me with a concernedsmile on her face. Hey, They both whispered as I sat down beside Melissa.

Leila sat across from me taking out her pink lunch box from her white schoolbag. Her refusal to eat school lunch had begun two years ago when shefound a hair in her veggie burger and had proceeded to make a scene whichhad earned her a week of suspension.

Melissa poked at my hair, Your poopy roots are coming in. I had started

calling my hair the color poop about two years ago when I became boredwith its color, wishing it was like hers and wanting to match Jaces. Everyonehad picked up on it making fun of me for my trips to the hair salon everymonth to get it colored a dark brown, almost black.

Doesnt look bad, AJ scolded her causing me for once to not frown.

Its okay. I know Melis I havent made it to the salon Sighing, andlooking down at my dead ends I closed my eyes. Jaylynn had let herself go,but who cares, I didnt need to impress anyone right?

Why dont we all go today afterschool? Hannah offered looking to all thegirls. I think I want to get highlights. She ran her fingers through herperfectly long blonde hair.

Thats if youre up for it Jay? Leila looked at me cautiously and almostpleadingly.


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Shrugging, I looked down at my nails. They were chipped and lacking a goodcut. Being in my house alone was giving me too much time to think, somaybe

We might as well just go to the spa and have like a girls trip type of thing,

Melissa offered hastily as she stared at my nails.

I dont care. Which was my honest answer.

Great. So you guys go to the spa today and AJ and I will go to the mall. Ineed new sneakers for this weekend, Frank spoke looking about thecafeteria.

Whats this weekend?

Suddenly the entire table went silent and they all looked at me as if afraid tospeak.

Aida is throwing a homecoming party Hannah didnt finish as she lookedto Leila for help.

A homecoming party? I stupidly asked then winced as I realized who wascoming home. Aiden White had been Jaces best friend since childhood andthey had done everything together. Joining before Jace, Aiden had been inthe Marines a year longer and he had just gone through a tour inAfghanistan. Unlike Jace, he was making it home for leave.

Oh. Muttering under my breath. Thats nice.

Yeah, you should come its on Friday it would be fun. You know to getout? Leila gulped as she finished speaking.

Maybe. Try no way in hell.

Thankfully, the attention drifted away from me once Melissa yelped about afigure across the room.

Who is that beautifulperson? Licking her lips as if she were a lion about toattack she stared at Jagger Broderick as he entered the cafeteria.

Dont Hannah began, but it was too late, Melissa had stood up from herchair and had already begun to walk towards the new guy like a vampirefocusing on her prey.


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AJ shook his head as he kissed his girlfriend as if saying to her; let her go,we all knew there was no stopping her. Which was very true. Once Melissaset her eyes on someone she had to have him, no matter what.

And why wouldnt she? Looking at her hips sway in her loose blue-dress as

her short long naturally dark hair swung over her perfect little face, Iwondered how any guy could ever resist her charms.

We all watched as if we were watching a special on lioness on the discoverychannel. Melissa had reached him and was standing in front of him smilingflirtatiously, then she had extended her hand in introduction.Willingly, he of course had taken it then spoke.

Then in my head I did the routine of how the rest of the conversation wouldgo as I watched.

Flip my pretty hair,Jagger that is such a hot name. Hey would you like tocome sit with me?

Lopsided hazel perfect smile, Thank-you sure.

To all of our complete and utter bewilderment we watched in shock andhorror as he shook his head and looked passed her staring at our table.

Staring at me?

As if someone had slapped her, Melissa stood in place frozen with shockwhile Jagger walked away from her and towards ourtable. Her table.

I hadnt blinked until he was before me, looking down with that perfect smileof his.

Hey Jay. I was wondering if I could sit beside you?

My mouth dropped as Danna shoved me making me realize it was time toclose it and speak. I really wanted to say no, because I wanted this guy

nowhere near me, for reasons I couldnt recall at that moment, but I had noreason to be rude. Yeah, sure.

He sat in the empty seat beside me setting his books down in front of himand looking around my table. I was cursed with having empty seats allaround me all day.

Melissa had decided at that instant to leave the cafeteria entirely, most likely


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not wanting to risk complete embarrassment.

Conversation suddenly sparked between everyone, but me. Watching Jaggerspeak I grew more and more angry. Just the way he carried himself, hismere presence completely upset me, instead of crying though I just got

mad. Who was he to remind me of of?

Apparently, Frank had met him over the weekend at Saturday baseballpractice and they were talking about how everyone was surprised the coachhad let him on the team this late in the year. That annoyed me even morebecause I went to all my brothers baseball games which meant Id have tosee him.

Turning to me, Jagger looked at the emptiness in front of me, So why arentyou eating anything Jaylynn? For some reason I felt like I could see genuineconcern in his eyes, which completely freaked me out. And just the way hesaid my name, entirely too familiar.

Leila coughed and shook her head at Jagger as if telling him that was a badquestion to ask.

I just shrugged. Not hungry. Which was true.

Making me nauseous with that smile of his he stood and headed off in thedirection of the lunch line.

Letting out a breath I didnt know I was holding in I looked to all of myfriends.

Hes been following me all day!

Judging by their facial expressions they didnt believe me. Im serious. He isin all of my classes and sits next to me in like each one and now heshere.

I wouldnt complain, Danna spoke as Frank gave her a dirty look. Well, I

wouldnt. He is totally dreamy.

Rolling my eyes, I stared at my left ring finger. It was blank. I was afraid towear my ring to school just in case I would lose it. If that ever happened, Idont know how Id survive. Maybe I could start wearing it, and pretend Iwas still betrothed?

I think he may like you, Leila suddenly confessed as they all stared at me.


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He doesnt know me.

She shrugged, Well, maybe he wants to.

Pointing to my face and my clothes I shook my head. Do you see what Ilook like today. Dont go there. Besides it would neverhappen

Hannahs eyes grew wide. Jay dont you think you will ever date again?

I shook my head violently growing frustrated. Um. No. What kind of sickquestion was that?

Youre only eighteen Jay, AJ said as if I didnt know how old I was.

Yeah, and youre like really pretty even without make-up and decentattire, Danna told me looking at me still in a bit of distaste over myappearance that day.

They had all gone completely nuts, Jace had not even been dead a full twomonths yet and they already wanted me to move on. Insanity.

Just. No.

The table fell silent for a few short seconds until Leila gasped, looking behindme.

Jagger approached our table and set two trays of food down in front of him.One he pushed gently in front of me, and I looked down growing dizzy, notfrom hunger.

Toasted whole-wheat bread, with bacon, turkey, and Swiss cheese, what Ihad always had for lunch, school or no school. Yes, it was on the menu, butof all the things

Over the weekends when Jace had been home he had prepared it for me

every weekend, and when he left but came back on leave he had made itevery day or ordered it from the local deli. It was my favorite meal of theday.

Still in shock I watched as he opened up his burger that looked a little on theraw side and shoved French fries inside of it.

Justlike I needed to stop.


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The tears dripped down my face before I realized it and I stood hastilygrabbing my bag and leaving the table without looking back. Both Jaggerand Leila called my name as I ran out of the cafeteria doors and to theparking lot to sit in my car.

Not wanting to cry in silence I blasted my radio and flipped through thestations angrily. Everything that was on, had to do with losing someone orhaving a broken heart. From Nelly, to Katy Perry, to Lady Gaga, to evenDrake.

Music and Jagger were now both on my hate list as I shut the radio off andlooked straight ahead; The trees and the football field passed them- lookingblurry.

A knock on my window forced me to turn to see who was interrupting mycleansing and I groaned as I wiped the tears away sniffling.

Couldnt he just leave me alone. His face had haunted me the entire day,and now his actions were worse.

Jesus! No not Jesus, Jagger damn Broderick.

Rolling down the window his gorgeous hazel eyes bore into mine intently,looking like I had somehow hurt him.

Please forgive me Jay. I didnt mean to disturb you in any way.

Did he even know what he had done?

Its fine and its not your fault, I lied.

He shook his head grimly. No its all my fault. And for some reason I didntunderstand what he meant by that. Jagger was walking away from my carand back into the school before I could ask. Creeper.

Not only was the new guy really attractive, soft spoken, smart, perfect buthe was everything my dead fianc had been, and a complete freakin weirdo.He didnt know me, yet he followed me around on his first day like a lostpuppy chasing after his owner.

Clenching my fists angrily they trembled as the thought of running back intothe cafeteria just to throw that sandwich in his face slowly passed my mind,until I was again just in pain


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Sad. Mad. Sad. Mad. The anger was welcoming though, it felt better thanthe sadness.

Thats how I went throughout my days.

And Jagger Broderick was making me really mad!


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THREEHow could he just shake his head and say he was already expecting to sitwith someone, to me! Melissa sat beside me flipping through a magazine asthe lady coloring my hair raised her brow at her amused.

You cant expect to have every guy be obsessed with you, Leila repliedfrom somewhere behind her.

After cutting the rest of my classes for the day, the girls had found me in theparking lot and begged to go to the salon. Danna had said it was anemergency on my part. Melissa begged to be cheered up and claimed sheneeded it. And of course Hannah and Leila claimed Ineeded it.

Yes I can. I mean look at me. Melissa was staring at herself in the mirrorwith godlike fascination. Just imagine what our kids would look like

He doesnt want you. Hes into Jay. Get over it, Hannah yelled to her fromthe opposite side of me.

Melissa looked down at her perfectly red colored nails sadly. If thats thecase then I really have no chance.

Dont listen to Hannah. He doesnt like me. Not sure if that was a lie ornot, but I didnt like him which is all that mattered.

A sly smile spread across her lovely face and she was suddenly cheerfulagain. So I can chase him then Jay?

Not sure why she needed my approval but I nodded.

Really Melissa, like you need to be chasing anymore guys, Leila huffed asshe approached us both and fixed her curly fox tinted hair.

At least I chase after what I want. That must have stung because Hannahhad willingly had her hair pulled by her hair dresser just to peek over at usand give Melissa a dirty look. We all knew what she had meant by that.

At least Leila isnt a slut. That was Danna who had suddenly appearedfrom where she had been getting a facial down the hall.


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Can we not do this right now, I begged and they listened. Of course theywould, I was the weeping willow who needed tender and care.

Leila sat back down somewhere behind us and grumbled, How am Isupposed to chase after a guy that doesnt even live in this state!

Aiden White had been Leilas one and only crush since she was in the eighthgrade and he was in eleventh. As freshmen you could only imagine how shehad swooned for him as a senior. To this day, it was the only guy she evertalked about.

You could e-mail him. And I mean there is such a thing as Facebook now-a-daysThat comment came from Danna who had most likely sat beside her.I had my eyes closed hoping the dye wouldnt run through my eyes and wasfacing away from them.

I know but I havent really talked to him in so long. And Im not reallyfriends with him anymore.

I have an idea, Melissa cooed mischievously.

Lets hear this, Hannah laughed in wonder.

HumphWell we all know who has been friends with him for like ever. Andcan re-accommodate you both this weekend. For some reason I knew herbeady blue eyes were on me.

No. I am not going to even ask you to go on Friday Jay, Leila sighed sadly.I know you wouldnt.

I think you should go Jay. Because we all know he is going to visit you oneway or the other. And thats going to be harder alone. I mean at a party hecan get drunk and cry and shit. But it wont be put all on you. Dannasthoughts.

He would react to Jaces death just as hard as me, they were like brothers

almost. And Danna was right, Id have to face him and his pain one way orthe other.

Ill go, I grumbled really wishing I hadnt.

No one argued past that and when our hair was finished we all went to getour nails done. Having my mothers credit card came in handy on days likethis.


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Crawling into bed that night I shivered while I held myself and cried myselfquietly to sleep. Every day would be hard I already knew that, but I didnt

know how much of it I could take. Closing my eyes as the hot tears drifteddown my cheeks I dreamt, and recalled a special moment with him:

Why did you bring me to the beach? We were in his old beat up black

truck parked by the entrance to the private beach that was only for ourcommunity. For almost four months he had walked a mile and a half to andfrom work just to save up for this junk.

Smiling at me mischievously he bounced out of the car and around to helpme out. Standing before him he was almost a whole foot taller than me andit always made me feel so tiny.

I want to show you something.Grabbing my hand we ran to the lockedentrance as he took out a pair of keys and opened it.

How the?

My dad is helping clean it up this summer.

Once the gate was opened we walked ahead, his hand clasped around mineuntil we reached the sand where he lifted me up into his arms as I giggled

into the cold night.

We arent supposed to be here Jace.

Setting me down on the sand he hushed me with his lips as he droppeddown beside me.

I know but arent you glad we are?

Only because Im with you. That was nothing but the truth, I would have

followed him around the world.

He pointed up at the moon, it was a full moon. You see that moon. I will be

there for you always. Just like the moon is there for the night sky.

Always?

Outstretching hispinky, I promise. The moon and the night belong


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together. Just like you and I do.

I reached to place my pinky over his and kissed his hand as he did thesame.

I love you.

I love you more.

That seemed impossible to me, but I hugged him anyways as we looked upat the bright moon.

One day we will be married on this beach, He whispered in my ear.

I nodded picturing the day we would marry and my heart filled with all thejoy and contentment which came with the feeling of love.

Id like that.

Waking up I inhaled deeply, as if I had held my breath the entire time I hadbeen asleep. My pillow was soaked with tears and my face felt sticky. Besideme my alarm clock buzzed obnoxiously, it was time to get up and get readyfor school.

Yesterday, they had blown my hair out after doing my hair so I just washedmy body quickly and ran to my room. Throwing on a pair of black pants and

a ruffled pink shirt, I felt like I looked like I had tried to get ready today. Ithad just been the first thing I had found in my closet, looking at my marineshirt I regretted not being able to put it on for two days in a row to school.People would think I was unsanitary though, and I was actually sort of anOCD drone in the past so I couldnt seem to be a dirty person.

Reminding myself of hygiene I looked around my room, I had not cleaned itin a month. My mother called someone to clean the house once a week butother than my brother, no one had disturbed my dirty slumber.

Power bar wrappers and empty water bottles scattered my floor anddressers. My vanity was the only empty stand in the entire room, except forthe ring that sat on top of it in a blue velvet box. Dirty laundry piled mybasket, and my sheets and comforters definitely needed a good wash.

Slipping my feet into a pair of sandals I picked up the laundry basket andtook it with me down the stairs and to the laundry room where I organizedmy dirty laundry in the different colored baskets. The rest of my room I


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would have to clean after school. Or after-after school, today I started mytutoring with ugh, new guy.

Louis sat on the breakfast table in the kitchen by himself eating cereal.Today my mother had not woken up to cook, which felt like a relief

somehow; if she had continued with her odd behavior I wouldve begun toworry for her.

It was my baby brothers turn to continue to act strange, Want some LuckyCharms?

Arching my eye brows I shook my head, No its okay Im going to get sometoast.

We ate in silence for a while.

How was practice yesterday?

Louis was on the varsity team despite his age and the fact he was afreshman, there wasnt a single sport he wasnt one of the best at.

Great. This new guy. Hes like awesome, it scares me. I think he may stealmy thunder he reminds me of He stopped himself before saying what Ialready knew.

Reminds him of Jace. Jagger Broderick, even in the way he played sports

was just like Jace.

No one can steal your thunder, I assured him not letting him finish bitingback cursing this new person in my life.

School went by like yesterday, with Jaggers presence agitating me theentire day. He didnt talk to me though, which I was glad for, at least maybehe got the hint to leave me alone. And then it was lunch time again.

Not wanting a repeat of yesterday I got on the lunch line and ordered and

paid for my own dang sandwich.

As I set my tray down in front of me he looked at it then up at me smilingwhole-heartedly. Like he was happy to see I had willingly got my own food.Did I look anorexic or something?

Melissa had joined us today and she sat on the other side of him looking athim like he was some famous movie star and being intoxicated by the


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presence of him. Unlike her, he intoxicated me in a different way, to me heliterally was toxic or poisonous. I just couldnt stand him.

Yo, you were awesome yesterday. Are you doing football in college too? Ican only imagine how great you are if youre that good at baseball Frank

made conversation with Jagger truly interested by him.

Yeah, I was quarterback in my old school and I had a few scouts give mesome numbers. Then he looked at me and it seemed like he changed hisanswer. I may go to NYU though, Im not sure if I want to continue sportsyet.

Thats where I had been accepted and had always dreamed of going tountil of course I had changed my future plans. Just, gr.

Where did you go to school before here? Melissa asked too interested inhim and his answers.

San Diego.

A bubbly feeling was threatening the insides in my stomach, I wanted topuke so badly. Thats where Jace had received his orders to after hecompleted his tour, and it was where we would have moved to next yearwith me.

I heard its beautiful there! Dana exclaimed looking towards me. She had

heard that from me, I had gone last summer with my mother to look aroundthe area.

It is, Jagger replied then looked directly at me. Not as beautiful as herethough.

Feeling awkward, I rolled my eyes and looked away towards Leila who had aweird facial expression on her face.

Lunch was finally over and I went to the rest of my classes, my mood

relaxing because Jagger wasnt in any of these.

The entire day grief and sadness had been avoided, all I felt was annoyanceand anger, just thinking about the possibility of running into JaggerBroderick.

Creative writing was my last and final class, and really my favorite. Enteringthe classroom I sat in the back instead of opting for any of my regular seats


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in the front and looked at Mr. Jameson who was smiling at me.

For the first time in what felt forever, I felt myself smile back and then afamiliar smell filled the room.

Im going to kill him I decided, as Jagger entered the classroom in hiswalking Jace-like glory. Today he wore a white surfer t-shirt, denim shorts,and loafers. Prep-mania.

Jace had only started to dress like that after I had gone shopping with himon his first leave. Now even the way he dressed began to bother me.

Out of all the empty seats in the classroom, he sat beside me.

Moments later Aida White was added to my hate party as she walked intothe classroom and put her cat-like blue eyes on Jagger.

Switching her hips as she walked, she sat beside him, putting her very closeto me. Her fake too pale blonde hair looked overly dry. Someone was usingthe hair iron too much.

Jagger. Right? Her voice was like nails scraping against glass. At one pointshe and Leila had both been my closest friends until when I was fourteenshe had made out with my first boyfriend behind my back. Even then I hadforgiven her but I blame that as the start of a dwindling friendship. As theyears passed she grew more distant from both Leila and I. Hiding secrets

and eventually telling people ours, and talking very badly behind both arebacks. All in all even if I had always stayed great friends with her brother,she was a bitch and I disliked her greatly.

Yes. Jagger turned away from her and stared at me making me cringe inmy seat.

Could you stop?

A crooked smile spread across his exquisite face, Stop what?

Hearing Aidas sound of disappointment-Sighing angrily-I looked ahead. Whywas he acting as if he didnt know what I was talking about? Was I growingparanoid, because he was definitely following me or something. Mr. Jamesonhad called the class to order. I still felt hazel eyes on me, but I refused tolook away from Mr. Jameson as he wrote a question on the board.

What would you do if you had a second chance at life?


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Squinting to see if I was reading the question right I stared down at mycreative writing notebook afraid to open it.

Talk to your fellow classmates. Bounce ideas off of each other. Ten minutes

and then Ill tell you what to do from there. That was the teacher as he saton his desk opening his own notebook. All the assignments we did, he did aswell.

Gr, what kind of sick question was that!

So what would you do with a second chance at life? Jagger ponderedbeside me, irritating me by his musical velvety voice.

Nothing, I lied. He looked at me as if he didnt believe me.

You squint up your nose when you lie. Did you know that?

Yes, I did asshole. Get a new line, Jace used to say that to me all the time.Im really going to kill this guy.

No.

See. He pointed to my nose as I turned away from him and stared down atmy notebook frustrated.

Flipping it, I passed all the stupid pages filled with all things Jace related andcame to an empty page writing down my real answer:

I would stop Jace from dying, because he would have never left me. Iwouldnt have let him.

Writing it down seemed to make me feel better, somehow.

Minutes passed and Mr. Jameson stood, Okay class. Switch notebooks withthe person next to you and discuss why you wrote what you did.

The entire class groaned, including me. Gulping, I unwillingly handed Jaggermy notebook deciding that stabbing him with my pencil would be the bestway to kill him, but I didnt.

Taking his, I opened it up in front of me and read his single line:

I would win her heart over.


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Lovely, he was in love with someone. Lucky him. Turning I watched as heread what I wrote and winced and then as if looking at my answer hurt, heturned the damn page.

Who the hell did he think he was looking through my notebook like that!Before I could reach for it he had already read whatever page he had landedon and was looking up at me through the most anciently depressed eyes Ihad ever seen.

Give me that. Snatching my notebook I threw his down on his desk andlooked away from the dirty look Aida had given me beside him. As if saying,why are you giving this hot guy an attitude? That was how she thought, itwas all about guys for her.

Mind your business, bitch.

Forgive me, He whispered under his breathe sounding like he was on theverge of tears.

His sadness, saddened me- and it annoyed me- he had no right to take pityon me. Anything he had read may have been sad to anyone knowing theperson they were about was dead. Most questions consisted of: Who is yourhero? Who would you die for? What would you do for love? What does lovefeel like? If you marry one day, what do you think your life will be like? Haveyou ever missed someone? Write what you feeletc. You could imagine how

somehow everything in my notebook had led to me writing about Jace.

Today the bell couldnt save me, because I had tutoring.

Mumbling something incoherent to Mr. Jameson, Jagger walked out the doorleaving me alone in the classroom.

Looks like its just you and I today, Mr. Jameson enlightened me as heshuffled through papers on his desk.

Instead of relief sweeping over me, I felt panicked. At the moment myinsides screamed at me the way they used to when Jace and I would fight.For some reason the fact that Jagger wasnt making it to tutoring suddenlyupset me, because maybe he had been truly hurt. Had I been too rude? Hisanswer meant he had lost someone as well right? Was I being selfish?

Brushing these crazy thoughts from my mind, I grabbed whatever Mr.Jameson had handed me and sat in the front of the classroom getting to


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work.

That night after my nice cry, I dreamt of Jace as always. Except dreaming ofhim had suddenly turned into a nightmare:

Do you love me Jay? He stared in to my eyes as the question hung in theair, as if he didnt already know.

Jace, you know I love you.

Looking away from me he closed his eyes sadly, Im scared that while Imgone Im going to lose you to someone else.

Shaking my head I reached for his hand and squeezed it, You know thatcould never happen.

Im just scared. I couldnt stand it if you were ever with anyone else.

Pressing mylips to his I whispered, I will forever and always only love you.

Closing my eyes, Jace kissed me back yearningly and nothing had ever feltthis right. I was born to only kiss him.

When we parted I looked up to stare into his hazel eyes and screamed.

Jace had evaporated and somehow turned into Jagger Broderick.

Screaming, I awoke with a cold sweat. Never, that would neverhappen. Jacewas the only guy I could ever love, and no one was going to replace him,ever.

Are you alright? Louis poked his head into my room looking aroundpreoccupied. He had boxers on with little ducks on them and a ripped whitet-shirt. If anything he would have been a scary to sight to wake up to.

Just a nightmare, I assured him as he nodded and closed the door.

My digital alarm clock read 5 a.m. Way too early to prepare for school, and itwas impossible for me to fall back asleep. Staying up in my bed, I stared atthe picture on my end table of Jace and I at the beach two summers ago.

That was our spot; at the beach we were both free and at peace. There wewould lay in each others arms and discuss us and our future. There wewould meet up after a big fight and just hold each other. Words were


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unnecessary; we both knew when we were wrong. Fighting with us waspointless, and all we needed was each other and the beach

How someone that beautiful had ever been interested in me I foundimpossible.

In school, I walked to first period dreading seeing Jagger. Luckily, he hadsaved me from his presence that day in allof my classes.

Maybe he was sick or something, if it was a terminal illness even better thatwould save me from having to kill him myself.

At lunch only Melissa mentioned his absence claiming to miss him terribly.She then went on about why he was so perfect. Followed by a ten minutestory about how he had helped her pick up her books that she hadaccidentally dropped in the hallway, twice yesterday.

I rolled my eyes picking at my sandwich.

Yesterday, my appetite had somewhat returned. Today, it was gone again.

Luckily, AJ threatened to tell Jagger that she was a psycho obsessed loonyand not to ever talk to her unless she shut up.

Frank and Danna announced they were going on a cruise over the summerto celebrate the fact they were moving in together once they started college.

Forcing a smile, I had pretended to be happy for them.

And finally, Leila decided that this would be the year she got Aiden to noticeher on a romantic level, no matter what.

We all cheered for her, hoping that she finally got what she had alwayswanted. I sure as hell didnt

The following day Jagger wasnt in school either had my wish for his deathworked? I went about the school day annoyed by the fact I cared that he

wasnt in school.

Just, no I wanted to hit myself.


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FOUR

You look gorgeous.Friday, and Jagger had not been in school since Tuesday, I pretended to notthink about it. Leila sat in my room on my bed as I stared at myself in themirror of my vanity. Behind my back, my mother and her had gone outyesterday and bought me a new dress, it was an emerald green color. Theyall knew green was my favorite color, I honestly never used to have afavorite color until I had met Jace and he told me that his was green.

The dress was tight on the top and loose and twirling at the bottom, I feltlike I had transported myself back to the Marilyn Monroe era.

It looks so good on you contrasting to your pale complexion, your newlydark hair, and your eyes almost look green.My friend gushed admiring me.

My normal shit brown eyes were tricky. Because my father had such vibranthazel eyes and my mother had these giant chocolate brown ones, when theirgene pools had combined my brother and I got brown eyes that tended tosometimes change color, depending on what we wore. Our eyes used to bethe color of oil, as we got older they seemed to get darker. In the lightthough you still got the small hint of a tint of yellow or green. It was weird.

Leila rushed over towards me and fluffed up my hair. I am so jealous ofhow long your hair is. I wish mine could grow down to my waist. And italways waves so perfectly.

Leila shut-up youre beautiful.

Leilas eyes were dark brown, almost the color of charcoal. She had reddishtinted foxy hair and thick dark brown lashes and brows. Her complexion wasa bit on the golden side and in the summer she tended to tan into thisgorgeous color. I never really tanned, it sucked.

Louis bounced in my room without knocking. In the past I would havescreamed for him to get out, but lately it seemed I didnt really care what hedid. Louis didnt annoy me as much anymore.

Yall hoes ready to partayyyy.


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Rolling my eyes I reached for my purse and slipped into silver wedges.Please dont ever talk to me like that again.

Giggling behind me Leila followed my brother and I out of my room.

This will always be the sexiest car on the planet, Leila whispered as wereached my driveway and the front of my car. Jace had picked it out a yearago when he was on leave for about three days; we planned on driving it toSan Diego.

After Louis and Leila fought for about five minutes as to who would get shot-gun, Leila won by pinching him so hard out of the seat she had to have left amark.

Grumbling the whole way to the White house, Louis held his arm claimingthat it was now so injured he would never be able to play a single sport everagain.

We ignored him and drowned out his complaints by blasting Keishathroughout my car.

Pulling up to Aidas long winding driveway I really began to wonder whyAiden had ever joined in the first place. His parents were in the samefinancial state as mine. They didnt need their son to join to pay for collegeor a future.

Look at that car! Leila was pointing to a black shiny sports car I had noidea what the name was of; that had just arrive and was parked behindseveral other cars.

Holy shit Ive only seen those in music videos! Louis exclaimed from theback seat leaning in to get a closer view.

And what kind of car is that? We were all staring at it as the lights wereshut off and I was truly interested in the brand because the thing really was

a beauty.

An Aston Martin.

Like. Rick Ross big rapper dude Aston Martin? Leila was in awe.

He nodded as we saw the driver get out of the vehicle and close the doorbehind him.


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They gasped and I groaned. Of course.

Jagger Broderick drives an Aston Martin, fucking cool. Aida in all herobsession the rest of the girls in my school had with him must have invited

him. So I was stuck having to see him.

Parking, we all hopped out of the car. My companions in front of me, I triedto control the nervousness growing inside of me. Seeing Aiden was going tomake me cry, I just knew it.

Walking down the familiar stone path I recalled the last time I had beenthere, two summers ago at a BBQ with Jace and the rest of the people hehad hung out with back then. We had fought, and then he had run after meon this very path gripping my hand and forcing us to work it out.

Aiden spotted me before I had a chance to react. His blue-eyes bore intomine at first with just a blank stare, and then the sadness filled them.Setting his beer down on the deluxe outside bar, he slowly walked towardsme assessing my reaction.

My heart was beating out of my rib cage as he reached for me pulling meinto a tight hug. I just cant believe it Jay, hes really gone. I cant believeit. His whispers sent ripples of anguish throughout my body and as heheld me to him, the tears escaped me.

I know Aid The sobs were coming out now in uncontrollable trembles.

Shh, dont cry. He was petting my hair as I felt his own tears fall on mybare neck.

Grabbing my hand, he gestured for me to follow him away from the partyand the stares that had gathered around us.

Reaching his clubhouse he opened the door and we sat in the chairs set upthere just crying softly not speaking to each other.

Jace is a hero. I always knew he would be. He was such an amazing andloyal friend. God Jay, I dont know this has hit me so hard.

I nodded looking down at my French manicured nails, the tears dryingslowly but my insides still dying.

How are you?


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Shrugging I looked away from his worried gaze and outside to where therewerepeople already jumping in the pool drunk. As fine as I can be at themoment.

Im sorry Jay. It will take some time just know I dont ever expect you toforget him or anything but I think you shouldnt stop your life over this. Goto NYU, you got in. Go study journalism like youve always wanted. Move tothe city. You know?

Nodding I looked back at him noting he wore his Marine t-shirt and smilingmeekly, missing mine. I cant decide what Im going to do with myself rightnow. I still need time.

I understand. He stood gesturing for me to follow. Lets go and drink oursorrows away.

We both knew I wasnt going to do that, because I never drank but Ifollowed him anyways not wanting to be alone with my thoughts.

Melissa found us. Jay. Leilas looking for you! Winking, she gestured toAiden as I got the hint, blocking out all feelings of sadness.

Hey Aid. Come help me find Lei.

Together, we searched his massive backyard until we spotted her by the

entrance holding a red cup and talking to lord behold, Jagger.

I came with her. She should be around here somewhere, She was sayingas we approached.

They both turned at the same time. Jagger looked at Aiden as if recognizinghim and then smiled, but it didnt reach his eyes. He looked depressedalmost.

Jay, He called for me. Noting the fact he had called me Jay and not Jaylynn

since the beginning I added that to my reasons to hate him list. Boy, my listwas getting long.

Hey.

Turning away from him I pulled Aiden in front of me and in front of Leila.Aiden remember my best friend Leila.


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Jagger gave me a knowing look and stepped aside as they instantly beganconversation, leaving me out.

Bored, I began to walk away. Guess who followed?

Green is a lovely color on you, He said walking beside me. Its actually myfavorite.

Oh, what a coincidence. Add that to my list. Thanks.

My work here was done, I had re-introduced Leila to Aiden and now I had noreal reason to stay at the party except to be designated driver. All I wantedwas to go home.

I didnt think you were really the partying type. Saying that as if he knewfor a fact he looked ahead of us as Aida sauntered towards us.

Stopping I turned to him. Im not. Im just designated driver for my brotherand Leila. Now if youll excuse me. Before I could walk away, he hadwrapped his arm around my waist and held me to him.

What the hell are you doing

Shh, He cut me off. Just pretend Im your date. I dont want Aidaharassing me all night, He whispered in my ear as she approached.

This very moment seemed all too familiar and I thought back to three yearsago:

Yourbrother is throwing a party and he said you could invite friends? Iasked Aida as I searched through her closet for something to wear for thenight.

Nodding happily she threw off the dress she wore and discarded it on thefloor with the others she had tried on. Yeah. I am so excited Jay. He neverlets me hang around him and his friends.

Arent we a bit young to be hanging out with seventeen and eighteen yearolds?

She shook her head. Im fourteen and youre fifteen. I dont think thats

young.

Iwas pretty sure it was completely illegal but I didnt say anything else as a


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short blue dress caught my eyes. It still had the tag on it and I knew for afact it was too small on Aida which is why she had never worn it.

Pulling it out I held it up, CanI?

Staring at it she contemplated how important it was to her. Go for it.

Hours later, Aidas backyard was filled with seniors. Aida, Leila, and I werethe only freshman. We felt like we were the coolest people in the world atthe moment.

For fifteen, I had always given off the older vibe. Even my body demandedthat I pass for eighteen even twenty.

Leaving Leila and I alone, Aida practically ran away from us seeing most ofthe varsity football team somewhere by the pool.

Leila dragged me to their outside bar where a senior girl was mixing drinksand serving chilled beer for anyone that asked.

Behind me, I heard a guy singing, and he sounded really good as he sung towhatever soft rock song was playing.

Turning, I spotted Jace Carlton, our high school quarterback and thedreamiest guy in all of existence. He was the boy that was singing, and hewas walking towards me smiling mischievously.

My heart soared as his hazeleyes glowed while he stared at me. Hey,Jaylynn right?

How the hell did he know my name?

Y-Yes.

Jace! It was Aidas voice from somewhere up ahead and she was calling his

name.

Stepping entirely too close for comfort or for my heart not to explode from aheart attack he grabbed my hand sending ripples of warm electricity throughmy body. Tell her youre my date, He whispered. I dont want anyone tothink Im with anyone but you.

There you are Jagger. Ive been looking all over for you, She stared downat his hand around my waist distastefully.


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Who did I hate more?

Sorry princess, my date is a bit occupied for the evening. It slipped beforeI could fully decide.

She raised her brows and bit her lip angrily. Moving on from your deadfianc so fast?

I winced as Jaggers grip tightened around me. Trying to take a step towardsher, held me back. How dare she! If only I could slap that wicked smile offher fugly face.

That was very rude of you, Jagger gave her a disgusted look as hedragged me away from her.

Trembling with anger once we were out of ear shot from Aida I lashed out,You just put me in a really awful position. I hope you realize that.

Pretending to be my date is awful? There was amusement in his voice.

Yes. Cant you just leave me alone!

He shook his head still seemingly amused. No. Thats impossible.

Frustrated, I looked up at him giving him a dirty look and suddenly realized

he was the same height as Jace. Just more and more reasons to hate him!

Why is it impossible? I dont like you Not caring if I was rude or notanymore.

A lopsided grin spread across that gorgeous face of his. Good. I wouldntwant you to like me.

What the hell did that mean?

Um. Okay. Well I dont and you still havent told me why you cant leave mealone.

I cant tell you. And with that he left me to stand alone like an idiot as hewalked away.

After a couple of short seconds I followed after him. Being stubborn neverdid me any good; I always needed to have the last word.


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Why cant you tell me?

Tilting his head towards mine he chuckled. I knew youd follow.

UGH! Completely agitated I stomped away from him and towards theentrance feeling foolish where I had left Leila chatting with Aiden. To bothmy utter dismay and excitement, they were still talking. No one to talk toabout my stalker And would anyone believe me?

Yeah, I know that is such a good idea. Lets plan that out for Sunday,Aiden was saying as I approached them.

Hello there.

Leila smiled at me looking completely ecstatic by her companion.Hello Jay. Enjoying the party? Aiden was laughing taking in the look offrustration and boredom on my face.

Completely.

Danna and Frank found us. Aida is totally wasted, Danna whispered toAiden.

Let her be. Nothing I can do. For an older brother, he had given up on hislittle sister long ago.

Have you seen Hannah and AJ yet? Frank asked me as we looked aroundthe excessive amount of people there.

Everyone shook their heads. Im going to go find them, I decided as Iwalked away from my group in search of the others.

By a tree that held a small swing I noticed my brother making out on it withsome redhead and held back the urge to puke. I really couldnt wait for thisparty to be over so I could get home and just sleep.

Around the pool there were already empty beer cans and bottleseverywhere. Aiden and Aida had a great morning to look forward to.

Giving up I made my way to the bar area.

Looking for someone? Jaggers velvety voice caused me to jump as Iturned to face him.


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Are you following me?

Rolling his eyes he shook his head. Not really. Ivejust been standing herewatching you walk around this backyard looking lost.

Youre kind of a creep.

He chuckled lightly. You know Im not. And I did, somehow.

Attention Everybody!

Aidas voice rung through the backyard drunkenly.

Everyone in her backyard looked up to the second floor of her house whereshe stood on the balcony holding a microphone to her face.Barely able to stand she talked through it, Welcome to my awesome home.Thank you all for coming, She slurred through her words. I appreciatethose that have come to welcome my brother home from his tour. I am sohappy to have him home safe and sound. Everyone applauded as theyshouted Aidens name and then she continued, I would hate to be likesomeone here tonight and have to be grieving the death of a loved one.Everyone suddenly fell silently stunned as I stiffened. Jagger reached to takemy hand as if worried by my reaction, I didnt let him.

Aida kept talking through her drunken stupor, Jace Carlton was a great and

wonderful guy- A war hero- He didnt deserve to die. He really didnt butyou know what Im lying he wasnt that good of a guy at all My heartdropped as Jagger stiffened beside me. He grew pale as did I. My insidesscreamed and every hair on my body stood awaiting her next words.

Jaylynn used to be my best friend she really was. And I know I shouldnthave done it but I fuckedJace Carltontwicewhile they were together.She held up two fingers as if to enunciate what she had just said and lookeddown at me sadly, as the crowd turned their attention to take in myreaction.

Im sorry Jay. I fucked your boyfriend. And I guess then fianc.

Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. The word was on repeat in my head.

Frozen in place, Jagger looked at me with a strange expression on his face,and then the pain took over his eyes. More pity. Looking at those hazel eyesof his finally made me realize what Aida had just confessed to and I took it


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all in feeling the pain seep in like a poisonous snake.

The whispers around me sent a cold shiver of goose bumps through mybody, and then I ran- I ran so fast I didnt know how my wedges didntbreak-I ran as the hurt and the pain beat into my skull and into my heart

violently. And of course the embarrassment was seeping in under my skin,making it crawl with disgust for myself. I pitied myself.

Jay! Jaggers voice.

Wait, Jay! Aiden calling for me.

Oh my god Jay, stop! Leilas desperate voice.

None of their screams or calls mattered, because I couldnt stop running andI didnt bother to turn around to see if any of them were chasing after me.After a couple of blocks I threw off my shoes leaving them on someoneslawn because my feet were throbbing and then I continued to run, until Iended up in front of the gates of the communities private beach.

Slamming my fists against the closed gate I screamed in pain.

An unrecognizable sound escaped my throat.

The moon shined brightly overhead and the breeze wouldve had meshivering if not for the pain and anger physically destroying my body at that

moment.

Why did you do this to me. Oh god, why! I yelled up at the moon chokingon my own sobs.

Fucking, why!

Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked-it was on repeat-like a broken tape player.She, he, they

Images of intimate moments and stolen kisses flashed through my mind,stabbing the knife in my back deeper.

Still slamming my fists against the gates I screamed even louder not caringif I woke neighbors or they called the cops on me. Jail seemed like heaven.

Someone stopped my fists from continuing to slam on the closed gates andgrabbed my wrists from behind me.


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Jay, please stop that. Youre hurting yourself. That goddamn voice of his,why the fuck did it have to be so freakin lovely.

Stop fucking following me! I turned to stare into Jaggers blazing hazel

eyes as he still held my wrists to keep me from punching him.

NO! He almost seemed to roar.

Who are you to keep coming after me every time I get upset! Why are youeverywhere! The pain was now replaced by complete anger, I was so angryI couldnt control my body as it shook.

Because I promised Iwould never leave. Jagger pointed to the moon as ifhe made any sense at all.

And then just like that my anger was replaced by complete bewilderment.

What are you talking about!

He shook his head sadly, finally letting go of my wrists and looking awayfrom me. Nothing. Never mind. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Suddenly tired, I slumped down against the iron clad gates and let out adeep sigh. Im just great, Jag.

The weight of my emotions had made me tired, not physically but justemotionally. Drained.

Sitting beside me, he for once kept his distance and let out a deep breath.I know I cant make up for this. Or fix it. But I am deeply sorry.

I had no idea what he was apologizing for but I just accepted it, he was aweirdo like that it seemed. Its ok

Its not okay we both know that.

Looking down at my bare and now dirty feet I just nodded feeling likecrawling into a hole to die. I feel like he never really loved me now

Jagger winced as if someone had just slapped him on the face and looked upat the moon. Thats not true. Deep down you know that right? People makemistakes.


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A manic laugh escaped my throat. People dont make mistakestwice.

If he was here with you.Would you forgive him?

Disgusted by the weight and the truth behind his question I closed my eyes

as I shed a single tear and nodded. Just as long as he was alive

Scooting closer to me, he placed his arm over my shoulders and hugged meto him as I inhaled his scent. Honey and mmm.

Dont you know how to put your laundry in the dryer once it is finishedwashing?

Chuckling I felt him shake his head. No never. My girlfriend used to alwayshave to remind me.

Did you still forget? I wondered thinking about who his girlfriend couldhave been and what she had looked like. Why, werent they togetheranymore? And why was he here with me?

Yep. Besides, I think she secretly had a thing for the smell.

I giggled thinking about how I secretly grew to love the smell because it hadbeen a part of Jace along with the honey and the smell of someone that hadworked hard all day.

You drive a rappers car. Dont you have maids and stuff?

He laughed. A whats car? And I do, but I dont like other people doing mylaundry.

Oh. And a rappers car. Like Rick Ross.

Thats my grandfathers car. I have an Acura, its the only car I could eversee myself owning.

Ugh.

As if knowing my reaction he looked at me; a crooked smile spread, his facewas mere centimeters from mine and his lips were so full. You are sobeautiful, He whispered as he leaned in, the air suddenly gone from mythroat and his lips were suddenly against mine urging them open.

I opened my mouth slightly allowing him to suck on my bottom lip as my


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heart stilled and the butterflies filled my stomach.

His kiss was amazing, it was perfect, it was likeKissing Jace.

Pushing him away from me, I watched as my hand fell against his cheek

slapping him so hard I thought the sound had echoed.

In slow motion I watched as his face fell from shock to approval toamusement as his lips twitched into yet another perfect smile.

Am I the second person youve ever kissed? It seemed like he was pleasedby this knowledge.

How do you know that? Anger once again threatening to control my body.I had a boyfriend once before Jace, but Aida had kissed him before I could.Whore.

How could I have allowed him to kiss me?

Jagger shrugged still looking amused and quite content with himself.

You never cheated on... him?

My eyes grew wide as I jumped up and he stood to meet my angered gaze.

No, asshole. And dont ever kiss me again! Got it!

He apparently didnt get it, because his hand wrapped around my waistpulling me to him and his lips crashed into mine passionately. At first I urgedmy body to fight him back, but my body was a traitor because it began torespond to his kiss as if breathing depended on it.

My hand reached for his hair and I ran my fingers through it as his tongueentered my mouth and he caressed my face gently in his hand. Tugging athis hair he moaned causing me to also moan against his ragged breath.

No longer in control, I forced my mind to tell my body to stop. Stop!The butterflies and the warmth that rushed through me wouldnt allow mybody to listen to rational thoughts.

Finally, I pushed him gently away from me gasping for air. Once I recoveredI looked up at his gentle hazel eyes and his magnificent face.

Stay away from me. I hate you! That sounded so childish, but it was all I


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could think of saying.

With that I turned on my bare heels and ran away from him towards Aidaand Aidens house feeling foolish.

I hated how my body had reacted to him. It was a traitor. I hated Aida, Ihated the memory of Jace-And I hated Jagger Broderick- He just needed tostay the hell away from me.


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FIVE

Why are you all at my house? Yeah that was rude, but I was still in

pajamas for god sakes.

Aiden stood over the BBQ in my backyard flipping burgers, Leila sat on alounge chair on my deck reading a book about most likely vampires, mybrother was across the yard cleaning leaves out of the pool, and my momsat on the decks table lighting those candles that kept bugs away.

Were having a Sunday BBQ, Leila elaborated as If I knew this was goingto happen.

Its morning though

She shook her head at me meekly. Its noon.

Whatever. Im not changing, I said to her sitting beside her on an emptylounge chair feeling like my friends had overtaken my day without mypermission.

You really should. Not looking up from her book.

I shrugged closing my eyes, and bathing in the Spring sun. No way in hell, I

was too lazy and had barely slept the whole night due to dreams of Jaggerand Jace fighting over me. I had wanted both of them to murder each other.

Hannah and AJ are coming.

Oh well. Theyve seen me inpjs before. There was nothing she would saythat would make me go get ready. I love my marine t-shirt and my boyishboxers.

Danna and Frank.

Cool. Not working Leila.

Melissa. Like I cared if Melissa saw my looking like a bum or not.

With Jagger Broderick.

We both fell silent for a couple of seconds until I finally stood up. Be right


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back.This wasnt appropriate attire for the new guy.

Her laughter followed me all the way inside the house and up the stairs.

Feeling the urge to stomp, I let the only emotions I could handle take over

me. Stupid Jagger Broderick coming to my house with stupid Melissa. Whodid he think he was just coming to a BBQ at my house with a date, afterkissing me. Ugh, I needed to not think about that. Or him.

Dick. I hated him.

There was nothing in my closet. All the clothes I had sucked or lookedhideous on me.

Annoyed that I even had to get dressed just because Jagger was comingover I finally settled on a plain white dress. It was the perfect material forspring and it fit me loosely considering I had lost a lot of weight. Staring atmy reflection I realized I looked unlike my normal self. Almost unhealthy. Mycheeks didnt have the normal blush to them and even though I wasnt skinand bones, I wasnt my full nicely curved self anymore.

I needed to eat. If Jace saw me he would be worried and very unhappy withhow I was treating my body, I began to panic. Hating the fact I still caredwhat he thought dead or alive. Jace had cheatedon me.

Not only had he cheated on me, but he did it with someone I had considered

a best friend at one point. How could he have been so cruel?

All of our plans and all of the things we had planned for our future nowseemed like a sham or a con. Everything felt like it had been a complete lie,and yet I still loved him no matter what.

Feeling the bitter monster growing inside of me, I looked away from themirror afraid of my own image.

Where had Jaylynn Damon gone? She was buried somewhere six feet under

with her cheating hero dead fianc. Somehow I needed to find myself again,I needed to be strong.

Outside, Hannah and AJ already sat by the pool area, my moms famous icedtea in hand. Her iced tea was literally to die for; th

Pinky Promise Chapter 1-5

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