Prelude: I started writing bits and pieces of so called literature when I was pursuing my Engineering in India. Of course my words were harsh and many a times I used to start with one thing and then by the time I thought I was done the whole piece meant something else. Encouragement on writing was on my own. I forced to write something at least so that I gained fluency in words but it is not that easy. Most of these pieces were written focusing on situation at that time. All are fictitious but when I read them now, I feel feelings were real. Dates before each title means that particular piece was written on that day. Hope you all like it and may be it will inspire you to write in some way as well. Besides who is born with spectacular writing skills, it is all about passion and perseverance. If you like any part of these pieces, please do let me know. All pieces are original work of the so called writer – Niranjan Regmi. (10 January, 2017) January 9, 2007 This is why...

I love you because I am not a perfect person...but still you showed the courage to love me, to show me the

world, to lift me up to a greater height to see the true life, the real life, and the most beautiful life. I love you

because I cannot love the way I do, and there will be no one else for me to love, for you have been the best

thing that has ever happened to me, and your love is the most wonderful blessing from god for me. You are

for me, and I am for you. That is why I love you and I love you even more everyday because you give me life,

you give me energy. You live within me sustaining my happiness, sustaining this life, holding my breath. You

live within me to show me the dreams I never dreamed of, you make me love you more everyday with your

sweet gestures, your sweet words and you make me wait for you. You beat in my heart, you dance with my

soul when I am happy and wipe away all my tears when I am sad. You show me the path to the light, path to

my destiny. You motivate me, inspire me, you become my confidence, and that inner most desire to live and

the reason I live for. This is why I love you I love you so much...because right now Whitney Houston sings me

the song for you.... and I know that I will always love you. Through the heat and the rain I will walk with you,

hold you and have you. No matter what happens I will stick with you. Through the hard and the pain, through

the sun and the rain, you will always find me beside you, protecting you, loving you, adoring you, caressing

you and holding you close to me when you need me. I be your shoulder to cry on when you need to and the

one to hold you hand and congratulate you when you are at the heights of achievements. I will be the one to

praise you, to love you and look into your eyes with the infinite compassion. You have glued my life into a

single whole with your love and to which I can never turn my back.

This is why I love you I was a broken piece and you found me, brought me together. Mended me, and

amended me, made me a better person in all the ways possible. This flame inside of me burns more brightly

everyday for you, lighting my ways to you, making my vision clear and telling me what to do, what to do, how

to do. If there was a something above love, this is the feeling that you give to me. You are my everything and

when the gentle wind blows I think of you, in every smile of people I find you. You make me feel your

presence even if you are miles apart. You live with me, you breath with me, you are always with me, in my

heart, in my mind, and in everything I do. I find you everywhere, like my god, you are everywhere with me.

Your love is the impossible for me to ignore.

This is why I love you

This is why I love you

I live for your single touch and to see your face in the first sun that breaks into the morning. I live because

you live within me. I live for with a hope that I will find my place in you someday and to feel that gentle

feeling in my heart. I live to see your hair dance in the gentle breeze and to see your hair glow in the summer

sun. I live to see you smile back at me in my bad jokes and to feel your gentle nudge on my stomach when

you are irritated with me. I live because I find you in me. I live with a dream that one day we will bring our

dreams together and make it a heaven on earth. I believe your love is strong and that one day we will come

together and hold each other's in arms and cry for a long time with desperation and loneliness shall fade

away after that...forever.

This is why I love you

And when the sun is about to set in the west I find you, I dream of you then and there. I stay with the sun till

the moon comes up and smiles at me. I love so much so that I can see the stars smiling back at me. I feel you

are looking back at me through the moon. I love you so much, so much so that you have become my

treasure. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and your love, is Alpha to Omega for me

This is why I love you

And you have no idea how many times I die when I feel lonely without you. I miss you in the deepest core of

my heart and this distance between you and me kills me. But then I live life of a phoenix, I die and I come

alive once again with your smile. And when I go to bed there is just one thing that I really miss...and that is

your smile...

This is why I love you

So I want to say.... these words of life to you" I Love You�?

Through the sun and the rain, through the hard and the pain, I will stay with you, close to you, holding you

and catch you when you stumble. Let me be your confidence, let me be the one you trust the most and let

me be the one who shares your joy with. Give me a little space in your heart where I can reside, and fuel your

emotions, push you gently from behind to reach the dreams that you always

Dreamed of and when you reach there, just turn back and look in the crowd; you will see me among them.

Don’t ever miss me in the crowd but give me your hand to the stage. Honor me with your presence, with your

love. That is all I want.

This is why I love you

January 15, 2007

In pursuit of myself

It's 4 o'clock in the morning,

no dreams, no excitement,

al i have is this misery

and my eyes full of pain.

Wish i could have been better,

to love and to be loved,

in this big world filled with people,

all i have is my emptiness and nothing more.

I just lie awake,for i dont have a dream,

just feel so lost, has no beginning,

all i ever wished for seems so far away,

stayed with me for a while, now walking away.

Just wanted to be more, so i took a leave,

I've found myself a corner to weep,

i felt strong, like never before,

but i was breaking apart for sure.

Mow my eyes are tired, i feel it so,

but just don't want to fall asleep,

because if i do, i might dream of you,

and once again you'll leave me aloof,

something that may never come true.

Where do i rest all my pain,

to seek my share of happiness?

Every first step seems so inviting,

eventually, turning me down and leaving me the same.

Have been a victim all my life,

in pursuit of myself, i have come alive,

now that everything seems in vain,

i guess it's time for me to die.

January 30, 2007

Through the night

Here i go again, sailing my feelings away,

breaking and re-joining a thousand times,

the night is so silent and yet,

turmoil and pain all inside.

Stared at the moon long enough,

searchig for your face through the night,

so far away, i feel you, yet so close,

disregardful is the night and the tears flow.

Come to me now and save my soul.

i am leaking away slowly,

trying to fix myself, the feelings that i adore.

I wonder how it feels to be you,

like a phoenix, dying every night,

masking away all the tears in the day light,

i walk alone and then i realize,

love is all i have to stay alive.

I realize now, that i am miles apart,

the shore so far away yet i sail,

with the hope that one day,

i shall find me, once again.

Come with the stars and stay with me,

till the morning light breaks far away,

smile in fresh petals, touch my heart,

forever and a day and never be apart.

How much i know myself has left me a spot,

the spot that i can never be,

i am never complete without my soul,

searching through the night, so alone.

So alone, so alone.

February 2, 2007

The edge

Every night when the stars shine,

and when the beautiful moon divine,

brightens up the sky,

i sing soulfully in the silhoutte of the night,

i find myself amidst the swirl of thousand feelings,

trying to capture and recall all that has happened,

no remorse no sorrow but just the emptiness prevails.

The vast eternity of time,and just a mere human being,

that's me among the crowd,

searching in different faces,my identity if any,

constantly trying to feel the same again.

I want to cry out loud, in desperation,

so that i can let the world know i am alive,

i want a little respect which i deserve,

and my space which i own here.

What am i running away from?

is it fear? is it my life itself?

but where do i go? where will i find me?

where is the place that's meant for me?

The inner voice says that i know,

but i am confused and dazed,

feels like i'm the victim of my own pain,

hiding away my tears,

and trying to smile back at the crowd,

running to catch my happiness,

and in the end, i stand here,

at the edge of the world,

feeling the same again.

February 7, 2007

Throughout

In the darkness of the night,

in search of a light,

a glimpse, a flash,

surpassing all the boundaries of time,

i have set myself free,

in the pouring rain,

to wash away all my tears,

to wash my past away.

Trembling with agony of disrespect,

i'm ready for all that it takes,

to make me a new man,

to sustain a new life.

Amidst the stars so bright,

i see a beacon of light,

guiding me to where i belong,

taking me to my destination,

leading me to where i wanted to be,

took me a thousand years,

to leave where i was, so long.

Catalysing my senses, i fly,

into the forth dimension of time,

no boundaries, no obstacles, no hazards,

no pain, no sorrows, no guilt,

no remorse, no sadness, no madness,

no confusion, no humiliation, no nothing.

And i reach where i wanted to be,

to love and to be loved,

today and throughout this life,

through all times,

through sun and the rain,

through hard and the pain.

February 8, 2007

Dreams or Happiness ?

Like the trees that keeps itself rooted in the soil, one needs to be strong and focus. no matter what may

come the greatest strenght one can have is the will to live everyday. anyone can survice even the smallest

insects, parasites and bacteria do but what is the gist in being a human being if one can not make the best

use of his intelligence and skills that he owes to the nature. i do not believe in god but i believe in what is

called the Nature. Nature is god, and everything that may be possibly descrbied as. No one has seen god, but

we can see the Nature feels the tenderness and love and affection in our everyday life. Nature is the greatest

teacher of all and the environment we create for ourselves are the practical places where we can nurture our

thoughts and ponder upon what we love to think about. There are no short cuts to attaining the greatest

heights of honor and recognition but the one who learns the lessons from the nature be it physical or

emotional is the one who suceeds the most. We all dream big but how many of us have really tried to achieve

or at least align ourselves in the track leads us to our destination? I do not know myself. there are several

complications in everyone's life. Like they say, "Living is the best revenge to death." I believe in living life to

the fullest or at least as full as possible. there are no other alternatives to be happy. We dream, we work, and

we earn but in the end all and everything else sums up to Happiness. I am not passing a verdict on my

judgement but it is my thought which lingers on my mind from time to time, rejuvenating my life everyday.

When we all are working for our dreams we tend to forget that we are trying to realize our dreams in cost of

our precious time to be happy. This does not in anyway mean that we should leave our duty alone and

pursuit happiness but finding happiness, being happy in small things without any prejudice, pride and ego is

the best way to live everyday. I sometimes wonder why we have given just 36,500 days to live at most? i have

no answer but according to me, living life as it comes and finding happiness in every bits and pieces and

condensing all of them to form a complete puzzle is the only meaning of life. What is the use of your dream

when you have to spend 70% of your life time working for it? I personally think that it is just the waste of

time. It is important to dream so that one can be motivated, inspired to find new meanigs of mysteries but it

is not the ultimate objective that one should be working for.

"If only ants had feelings, they would work for 12hrs and the rest of the time they'd praise god for the

beautiful life."

February 28, 2007

Lonely Traveller

The scent of dust and the sun of dusk,

all reminds me of where i used to be,

lonely as always even after so many to affection me,

slowly leaking away somewhere in vanity.

time and again, hazards and obstacles,

complications that i never imagined,

feels free at times but then am chained,

chained with manacles

and feel the pain spree.

Green leaves and the autumn,

two different sides of a man,

how reluctant i am to change,

but somehow i am not me at times.

You are there for me, so i am,

i am stronger than ever before

so i know i can go on,

for you are the guiding star

for me, a lonely traveller.

March 20, 2007

Another me...

i stayed still but the time went by. there were so many things on my mind and wanted to tell you everything i

felt and everything i have been in your absence but then what i need is a patient ears to listen to me and the

soft heart that feels my pain, anxiety trauma and loneliness. somehow i have managed to come and stand in

front of you again, trying so hard to be here with you but then do i carry any value with me? i ask myself

several times. i never wanted to be so cruel but i didn't mean anything that happened, it was just the twist of

fate that made me stand infront of you broken and fatigued.

so many nights i stared at the moon trying to visualize what i will find, but then all i could find is the calmness

of the night and everything else in vain. somehow i wanted to converse with you and in so many occasions i

tried to do that too...but then time and circumstances were all wrong and sometimes you were taken and

sometimes i was so heart broken. i wonder why life drags me to difficult situations and wonder why me? why

me? there are millions of people but then why do i have to be the victim of all this trauma? i don't have to

solution to it and i don't have any comments to make at this point of time. all i have in my mind right now is

where did i go wrong. was i really a victim of time that i could not make any conversation or was i too tired

with myself? i think both are applicable. sometimes its so hard to make others believe of what you believe in.

but at the end of the day, all i could think of is you and i stared at the setting sun so many times..i was just

being a fool..i laugh at myself.

many thigns seems to have changed and i dont know what makes everything alright. there are times when i

want to forget everything and run away to some places where no one else knows me...trying to find another

side of me, trying to find myself being happy...

and even today i am just walking in my imagination..weaving my dreams, paving my own path and taking

another step to some place i dont know...i imagine of flowers and meadows but they die away so soon...but

still i continue on my journey...through every thorns that pierce my feet..yet i stand strong...just for a

reason...and you should know why....

April 2, 2007

One Question

life has not been well for me. every now and then i seem to trip off and stumble with my face on the ground

and when i stand up and stare, there is nothing left for me. so close it seems of where i want to be but then i

always fall two steps short of my destiniy. i dont know where to begin again, everything seems so blurred, so

dim and so uncertain. i am exhausted of my strength, my feelings and my will to go on like this. want to rest

for sometime, this life is too hectic with so many pitfalls. i love life, i love flowers, i love the sky and the sea

and its clear blue water but then; but then everything seems to gather to hypothetical zero. i love music, i

love rhymes but then my life is a discord. things come to me as swirls, show me how life is lived, show me the

rainbows and the butterflies and the green meadow and suddenly everything that happned seems like just

another dream. want to rush into the past, rush into where i was once so happy and overjoyed. will this life

pass away in turmoil that i always feel. should i always feel this emptiness and incomplete obligations that i

think i owe to so many. wish i could swim like the dolphins in the vast sea, exploring the world all the time.

want to befriend people and love them as they do, without pride and prejudice, with deep respect, want to

love them whole heartedly. want to pour everything i have in my heart, want to pour all my love for a reason

that i'd never find. my imagination is deeper than i can ever imagine and often i wonder, i interrogate myself this question, “is this all?" September 28, 2008 Someday

If there was something more beautiful than you, I would definitely have followed that path to achieve the

most beautiful creation of god but you are second to none, I found you and all your smiles, which melted my

heart and when it is cold at night, your smiles warmed my heart, all this time, I have nurtured these feelings

within me, too scared to share with you, too ambitious I thought, but now,

I can not hold on it any longer, my heart is concealing, and wants to express this intimate and infinite

compassion that I have for you within me, I have sealed within me too far and has become too hard to handle

it alone and so I chose you to be the one who should know my heart to the depth that no one else has ever

been, to that crevice that I have never let anyone reach to.

I have often wondered how it would feel to be with you and walk with you on a rainy day, and me, feeling the

best out of me in my whole life, picking myself up from the ground, which I thought was the trait I would

always follow,

There are times I thought I’d let this feeling go but every now and then my heart ached, cried and leaked to

be with you. Even after so many months, I still have the same flame from you, burning brighter every day,

and I feel I am no longer alone. Even when I walk alone, you follow me like my shadow and I smile for all the

foolishness of romanticized thoughts I create for myself in my mind,

I don’t know if I will ever find you or I will ever get to call you mine, but even when we are apart, I just want

you to know that my heart will alway call your name, no matter what the distance is or what the time is, I

wont be happy without thinking of your smile and to cherish the thoughts that never actually happened in

my life, about you and somehow I know I have found the meaning of happiness from you,

From who you are, the way your not talk to me nor you know me but the way you mean so much to me has

become an inspiration, like the eternal flame that burns bright in my heart and the way I see you in my eyes

when I look at the mirror has given my soul the temptation for life and to crave for never ending wants for

you

If there were a way to make you feel the way I feel about you, I would gladly lie in front of you and let you

step on my heart and willingly bleed for you

If there was a voice that I do not have to whisper nor I have to let you hear, I would look and wish for the

shooting star and wish that I were with you the moment that I pass alone

And when the moon comes up to the velvet sky, I would give the whole of me to be your shoulder and I will

watch the sky with you and promise that like the eternal stars my love for you shall remain even after I do

not belong in this world.

I do not know the way to your heart, but I definitely know that with every step I take, everyday, I am closer to

the doorsteps of your heart and I shall wait there,

Wait there for you to open the door and let me in, someday.... someday.

October 27, 2008 With Love

You have always protected and cared for me selflessly,

guided me, nurtured me, enjoyed my company,

filling my heart with delight, joy and commitment for the life time,

always being there for me, sharing and celebrating with me.

You are you so i love you, would not have happened otherwise,

with you i have made up my mind to spend the rest of eternity,

with you i want to grow up, like the oak, standing still,

with you i want to see the world and share the remaining part of me,

For you and me,

i pray that we belong to each other,

through any obstacle, we shall overcome the darkness,

no fear, no hesitation and no barrier,

we will love each other endlessly,

From me,

i will give you all i have, the whole of me,

my heart filled with love and affection,

happiness, hand and my harmony to you

kisses and the commitment to hold and have you,

for the days that come ahead,

i love you and ever more, everyday

my love, my affection and my compassion

to You, my dearest. October 15, 2008 Moonlit Night

It was a moonlit night, very peaceful and I felt the tranquility of the night yet it was so cold and wicked on my

skin. The moonlight lit as if to show me the way to righteousness and wash away all the pain that has been in

my life to a place where I get my salvation. A silent night, not adhering to the chaos, turmoil and confusion

that must have taken place during the day and the tranquility is amazing while it is scary at the same time.

Even though my body was lit by the beacon of soft, tender silver light, nothing could light the dark corner

that has been concealing a great deal of pain from the past, the present and the painful thought of the

future. No matter how silent, calm and peaceful is a sea, it holds a great deal of mystery within itself, perhaps

I was trying to excavate the buried, blurry and dusty me from who I am.

I could hear the clock tick, indicating the passage of time which could not heal the sorrow and the remorse I

had in me, making it sure that it lasted longer to punish me and portray me in the landscape of misery of

infinite magnitude. Time did not matter, what mattered was my infinite trial to forgive myself and still could

not see myself coming out of the swamp, perhaps I was deeper into the quicksand with sand filled in my

mouth, unable to gasp for air but to wish for someone to pull my sorrowful hand out of the misery.

At a far away distance, a dog is barking with its soul out of which I could not understand whether it was trying

to prove its worthiness or was expressing its pain so that at dawn it can find for itself a place where it could

lie down and fill its heart with misery for another long night to come. Moonlit night and still heavy hearts still

feel dark and drenched in pain.

My eyes started to shut while my brain was still working to process most of the sounds around me and above

all, it could gather the moment when the heart was filled with guilt for having done nothing but sat in front of

a portrait of a person whom you hardly know, confused, cold and frozen to the ground. Just like when I stand

in the moonlight there is a shadow, which is unexplained, cold and lifeless but still holds a meaning of

someone’s existence, I held my identity but was comparable to the shadow which is deeper than the depth

that anyone can imagine with agony, pain, confusion and words of confession within itself.

Every night there are thousands of others like me who search for the holy light to be shed on them so that

they can be release of the manacles of contribution to someone else’s pain but I believe they fail like me,

perhaps only few succeed.

And again, ahead of me is another night, which frightens me, not because of the darkness that it brings but

the moon that it brings along with it to pierce my heart again, taking away the comfort of my bed to the

grave of sufferings. I am me right now and I will be me tomorrow but I could never understand the meaning

of my shadow, which has been with me since I was a child and will remain with me till I sleep on the cold

stones and still I will not understand the dark side of me which was the identity of my existence or perhaps

the corpse of sin that I carry along for having not found a place to put away myself. Even though the shadow

is the symbol of my existence today, someday it will be my grave on which I shall sleep trying to find the path

to purity, righteousness and freedom from all the pain that I have stored on innumerable nights; on which I

lived and died thousand times a night.

I’d like to believe that I have won the battle today even though the war is far from over, a massacre of my

soul thought vicious stabs on its essence a zillion times. This night is almost over and people are getting ready

for another day, while I sit here and cry out loud, hoping that someone will hear my plea and would come to

rescue my heart filled with sorrow dipped and drenched in the bowl of infinite misery. “Help me”, I cried out

loud but no one heard, later I realized that my mouth was shut.

That moonlit night, i walked around with streets and every corners possible with a dagger pierced through

my heart, spilling my pain all over but no one saw me wandering with stains of my crime from stabbing my

soul and when another night comes it will again be time for me to walk another thousand miles in pursuit of

me.

March 5, 2009 Given

What do we have other than relationships for which we give our sweat and blood to? What do we exist for

and why we smile and want to see others smile if we did not care about the ones that mean the most to us?

Just like a river that flows from the deepest gorges, we pass through different cuts in life, some deep, some

shallow but in the end they all hurt the same.

When the spring comes, birds know that time has come for them to cherish the moment and sing their souls

out and flowers know that this is the time when they can be the most beautiful but for us, time is always

young to be supple, to be loved and cherished and to give what we have in ours in return.

I believe we all have this soft corner in our hearts. Have you ever wondered how many people must be

sleeping hungry when you are in the comfort of your warm bed and how many babies are feeling the chill of

the cold breeze on their skins ? Wish we could do something, wish we could, all of us could walk together.

Like the trees and flowers in all seasons, when one falls; all of them fall and when one emerges; all of them

stand tall. We are so close to the nature and we love its beauty but since we know that it existed it has been

trying to tell us something, something that we need to build, that we need to feel in the deepest part of our

hearts that we are one.

When we get everything that we wanted, our lives start to become limited in just thank yous and sorrys and

we tend to believe that this is all that matters. We immerse ourselves so much in our wants and needs that

we do not have time to think about what others might be need-ing and dreaming to have food, clothes and

shelter. Have we forgotten that we rose from the same ground, its just that some of must have made the

right decision while some of us chose to be close to nature rather than moving towards civilization, money,

land and state and ownerships.

Let us look back history and ask ourselves where we were and how we were just few decades back and

where we are now. Do we even realize the speed of change and transformation that we are experiencing at

the moment? Are we even aware that we are leaving behind our values, our togetherness and are choosing

to find a corner of our heavenly dreams filled with dissatisfaction, distress and discomfort? Did we ever feel

the same when we had nothing with us, when everything we had was what everything others had?

There are three types of people in the world from what I know. The first kind are the self kinds, who are

aware what they want and what they need but in their thoughts YOU does not exist but only Y, which does

not make sense. The second kinds are a little different. They know what they want and what they need like

the first but they are more open to the concept of MY and feel comfortable with the word. What does my

family want, my relatives want, my children want so on and so forth. Third kinds are the ones who think of

US, as a common human being without caste and creed, without distance and differentiations. We used to be

the third kind when we were in the stone ages, and now it seems like we are moving in the opposite

directions.

Wish I could just do more for the ones who need to know what love means. I wish I could give them the

jacket that I am wearing so that they can keep themselves warm in those long, lonely and cold nights when I

lie on my bed and dream of what I don’t have and what I want to have. Wish I could make you understand

how much I want to give and how much I want to get this feeling of brotherhood, this longing of

togetherness. I fade like the petals when I think that I have so much to give and I have started nowhere.

Nature teaches us to be together and to feel this greatness of being together. Just like a beautiful song that

eases our minds and takes us where we want to be, when will we have that driving force that will tells us to

come together and see and appreciate the smiles on each others faces? When will I be able to say YES

tirelessly to everything that may come in front of me? When will I be able to ease away all the problems and

sit to crack jokes and laugh with you, you and you?

I wonder what they wish when I wish for a new gadget or a new pair of shoes. I wonder what they think of

and how they taste their food when I pounce on my lavishness. I wonder how they feel when all they have

are the stones to make the pillow of. I wonder how they feel when they are sick and when they are in pain.

O god, why are there so many problems in the perfect world that you have created? When did we teach

ourselves to be selfish and strive only for ourselves? When did we un-learnt what it feels to be together and

when did we forget to feel the pain we feel when we are hurt? O lord, when will we come together and shed

the tears of togetherness, share arms of warmth and a grain among us? I do not understand where we went

wrong, I don’t understand why we started to be so heartless and leant to embrace the darkness just to fill our

stomach and for the only few that we care about?

Take us back to where we are meant to be, above the clouds where we have nothing to worry, nothing to be

greedy and envious about, where only love can exist for eternity.

"Life is a song for those who know how to sing it, and it is a gift for those who know how to cherish it. Love is

a fruit that every soul hungers to eat and above all humanity is a relation that brings floating friends, lost

brothers and separated families together." March 6, 2009 In the silence of the night

In the silence of the night, I searched my soul

Over and over again just to find emptiness more

Went through the flashes of black and blue

On my mind, I miss you, there’s no clue.

My hear aches for you, for you not being around

You are thousand miles apart and this pain surrounds

Painting the image of you in my eyes

I gather all my thoughts to you and cry.

A voice cries out loud, in pain, in agony,

And wonder if you are alright,

Somewhere in the dark, you are,

Wish I could take a flight and be where you are.

Is my heart talking to you now?

Because the heart beat seems to stop

Can you heart my voice in your heart?

Even though the distance separates us, miles apart?

Where are you now? I ask and wait for your voice

But there is nothing but this empty noise,

Wish I could be in your embrace so tight

To feel that you are in my arms, its alright.

How many days will I go on like this?

Without a burning light in my life

How many hazards will I be able to take,

Before I loose it out to be too much to take.

Today is so difficult and as tomorrow comes

More is the pain I feel and more is the distance

Are you looking up at the moon and the stars?

Just like me, it’s just that I break apart.

I walk in the nights with a hope that I’ll find you

I see the lights and the dark in the same side,

How long shall my heart ache for you

Before this loneliness finds me cry?

Please come to me and give me the embrace

Please come and make me whole again,

I have started picking the pieces of my dreams

Please come and mend my heart the again. March 16, 2009 The World is blinding

What is the force that keeps us together? Even after hours of screaming with each other, and after so much

of words to defy our guilt, why do we still feel the closeness that seems to build the nest of warmth and

compassion filled with eternal bliss? What are the stories that we hold deep inside of us and how are dreams

made in our minds? Those intricate little twists and turns that we feel in our minds and the excitement that

we feel when we want to do something that we really wanted to do for a long time, what is all that? Why do

we feel the way we feel? If we go down to the level of chemistry, it’s all just a chemical reaction. All this

happiness, all this sorrow and remorse that we feel at times, is all a game of chemicals played in our minds, in

our body. That childish nature has gone somewhere and now we feel different than what we used to be. All

those dreams that we had to become a pilot, to become a driver to be like someone has remodeled into

something complex that we fail to understand at times.

Everything seems very intricate now from how it used to be very simple. All those laughter and the

understanding of life being easy has changed now, whatever remains is the way that we used to feel at that

age when we had nothing to worry about, nothing to think of and nothing to fear of but the scary stories that

told of man eaters. Why have we started to make things so difficult for ourselves?

At one point of time, all we needed was a friend to be with and now we are preoccupied with our own little

world where we are chained to and we can not get out. We never needed any excuses to see our best friends

but now it seems like we have asked for more than what we could handle. We have so many people to think

about, so many things to do and we are making everything harder on us but no one else. Where are we

drifting away and what do we think is the end of this endless and tireless journey that we have been enjoying

blindly?

What makes our mind feel so complicated when we can just step out to the world and enjoy. There was a

time when we smelt flowers and enjoyed its fragrance and told ourselves, that it smelled sweet, but now we

have reasoning to do and think of what is not necessary for us to think of, and all these thoughts would

suffocate us but we would think as just a way of life. Running water in the river does not seem like just water

but we have some other fear on our minds.

Things used to be simpler and were so easily understood by us when our friends told us that it is not good to

do. We felt sorry if something bad happened to any of our friends and cried together, spread our arms for

them to hold and shared our shoulders from them to cry on and now, we all everything for ourselves. We are

just too selfish, too self centered and are cowards to let anyone in our lives. We do not love anyone now, and

the feelings last so short, they are gone even before you realize that you are thinking of something really

important.

Where did we lost the track of the simplicity that we used to believe in when butterflies were just butterflies,

when trees were just trees and when roses smelled good to us? Are we better or are we becoming less

sensitive? Are we what we are today or we lost the edge of what we used to be yesterday? Are we happy

with our intellect of being complex and intricate, leaving behind the chase for simplicity? How would it feel to

feel that simple again and to step out in the cool summer breeze and to know that it is refreshing? How

would it feel to walk in the full moon night and just enjoy the night as it came? Did ice cream taste different

when we were young and now it’s just a delicacy that we savor on for the pleasure of taste and stomach? Did

we realize when we left the track from being simple to something that we like to call ourselves matured? Will

we be able to feel the joy of being childish again?

April 5, 2009

Twilight

Into the twilight of the night I travelled alone with you on my mind, rejoicing the memories that seem so real

yet so far and distant. Every time the light fell on me from the light post, I felt I was being blessed but as and

when I moved into the darkness, a sense of loneliness emerged in me. I drove into the night, with this turmoil

of happiness and sadness comprising of mixed feeling with no where to go but to seek for a shelter.

Drops of rain falling gently on my shoulders reminded me that I was not alone in the night and the rain drops

kept talking to me silently but with deepest meaning. I am not sure if I enjoyed the moment but there

certainly was a feeling which was incomplete and yet so passionate and warm. I talked to myself, without a

word and kept reminding of how I wished the ride never ended. I just wanted to loose the track of time and

somehow I have habituated the moments of being alone. It does not scare me anymore, rather, makes me

feel stronger yet makes me conceal the pain that I feel deep inside.

I still rode, checking my speedometer from time to time, felt like I was rushing into something and I am nick

of time. My mind was blank but I was so full of something deep, which felt like was swimming in the endless

pool of my thoughts. I kept my eyes wide open on the roads but my heart was impatient, obscure and was

scared of the pain that it was not aware of.

(to be continued...)

April 9, 2009

Twilight (Part 1)

I woke up at the middle of the night when the silence was so prevalent. The only sound I hear is the clock tick

in some corner of my room, making me feel that I am all alone and I am on my own with no familiar sound

and voice around me. My mind is hazy, with nothing particular to think or ponder on but this endless silence

that seem to take the toll on me. I closed my eyes and the flash back started to roll on my mind, some

farthest of the memories and the reminiscences which were dormant all this time have somehow crept in me

from the deep rooted history of happiness and sadness at those points of time

Like a fast moving train that is coming towards me the flashes ran me down and left me paralyzed. Every time

a flash is visible I try so much to hold it down and I feel like I have caught it finally it seems to run away from

me, escape from my grasp like the fist full of air that I try to grab. All the flashes seem so far away and distant

and somehow make me feel that all those moments were unreal. Perhaps I am unable to believe that the

moments that were so beautiful can be this distant, inaccessible and hard to forget.

I could not take the suffocation of the rigidity and constraints of my room so I stepped out under the wide

but hollow and empty sky. The moon was so gloomy, as if to tell me that it needs my company to reveal its

share of pain with me rather than listening to heart breaking stories of my past.

I still have the memories of the night when I drove in the twilight of the night, when I was running away or

rather reaching where I was meant to be. Similar feeling is starting to build in me and asking me if it is

possible to get out right now in the empty roads where I can heat the engine to its maximum.

I close my eyes again, and ride the speed of light. It is amazing how I am moved from the edge of my bed to

where I have never been, the unknown territory of pain and traits of endless misery but still I have my head

high when I walk.

It seems so real when I am writing my words today, but when tomorrow comes, I am sure I will have the

same feeling when I read my own strange words. Then I’d ask myself the same question again and again, if

the feeling feels so right. Just the start of the another long, long night and its scary how I’d face it because the

morning seems so far away.

(to be continued...)

April 17, 2009

Page 1

Woke up in the middle of the night today juts to realize that the clock had not found enough time to tick its

pace away. Strange as it seemed as always, i had nothing in my mind just the thought of what I had been

doing all this time without any beacon of light to a path that needs to be pursued by being who I am and

what I could become. Nevertheless the silence of the night was so hollow, pristine feeling and thoughts on

the happenings that followed ran through my body like the adrenaline of excitement which brought shivers

all over me.

A sense of growing old slowly crept into me making me think of the lapse of time that has taken place

without any productive output. Even though the thoughts are deep and does not seem too distant or

inaccessible, a clear demarcation of the start point is not still clear but just a rough images of possibilities

which seem to give no vent for limitless and countless thoughts.

Monotonous is what defines the continuous follow of daily routine. So much seems possible but so much

seems the time. A concrete idea for exploration has still not borne in me and the zeal to chase it no matter

how long or how difficult the stalking will be. Everything seems so superficial without any approach and

apathy prevails rather than the light post that clearly defines the route to destination.

Seems like I’m rounding the trips of in a circle and yet hope that somehow the route will change and will

direct me towards a new horizon with many dimensions which seems impossible. Every now and then,

thoughts of achievements sweep away the ground, on which I am standing, compelling me to fall in the

endless loop of thoughts and dragging me deeper into the quicksand and when I look up, I see no hands to

pull me out, just a helpless victim of continuous self sacrifice.

August 6, 2009

Where ?

I know its nothing but why there is so much of confusion and turmoil in side of me? I feel that I have learnt

the lesson of life seriously but still I am thirsty for more. Something inside of me is still searching for the

Water that quenches my thirst. It’s been like this for a long time now. Desperation, in-consistency and

confusion are all that rules inside of me and this is blinding me. I want to believe that I am strong but

somehow I am sucked away in surprise when my guards are low. Just like in a dream, I try to run to the top of

the hill to see the panoramic view of my life but something keeps pulling me down under. I try to escape,

trying to save my soul but I don’t know where I should go or where I should be reaching.

I am still running with the Gun of time constantly aiming my head from behind. I do not have any choice, I

keep running to save my life because I love it too much to just sit there and wait for the gun to fire. I have

tried so many times to change my course but every time I did that, I felt like the gun just loaded one more

bullet; not to kill me but to torture me with it.

I have run across the green meadows and the most beautiful gardens of flowers. I wanted to stop and enjoy

the nature but this fear that the bullet will hit me didn’t let me enjoy even a single second. All I can do is to

have the images in my head, trying to enjoy the fragrances, charm and beauty of places. Shuxx, I say to

myself, thinking about The One Chance I got by the grace of god to make the most out of it and the way I am

running away from something unknown. I passed my friends, my family, my love and myself before ending up

here – amidst the unknown, I chuckled.

August 11, 2009

across the ocean

... i need to find the vent from all this frustrations and turmoil. i feel like i am beating around the bush with

life instead of finding something concrete and solid to pursue. all the dreams seem so distant and

unreachable while i feel the world on my shoulders. this juxtaposition of irregularities and the complexity of

thoughts on my mind are slowly eating me from within. no wonder i feel so hollow and empty. even though

the world is so full of surprises, i don't think i will be surprised by anything nor scared of any. like a leech

within a circle of salt, i follow the same circular motion everyday. sometimes wishing that the circle changed

to rectangle or triangle, just to keep me out of my boredom and misery but has remained the same for too

long, no echos of pleasant music nor the savoring taste of delicacies.

... memories, smiles & laughter, taste & interests; all seem to have gown down along with the dusk and now i

am at the most darkest hours of my time: just before the dawn; and i am waiting for the first ray of light on

my face, like the beacon of light that guides a ship across the ocean.

March 31, 2010

A sigh of tranquility

The warm spring weather is here to stay and it took awfully long to come this year. Through the freezing

temperate, we all have survived and we all nurture the warmth, in its any form. Smell of beautiful flowers

linger in the friendly breeze that caress your cheeks and the hair dances in delight, for being treated well, for

being there with you.

Red, orange and yellow jewels amidst emerald leaves makes me realize the originality of nature and self

contentment for being alive. I love tranquility and to know that this peaceful easy feeling is deep down in me.

Hard days seem to be off, like for the trees and leaves i must have travelled with them for long.

Hot and cold breeze from the window conveys me the happiness with which it is blowing. Its really nice, only

if we could feel this way everyday, there would be no sorrows, no pain and only peace and happiness.

We always wish for something that we don't have with us. i wish for peace, spring and summer and winter..

ahh, how i love the change of seasons. I just close my eyes and see that spring is smiling at me, with its

beautiful jewelry wrapped in emerald and rubies and sapphires.

This is amazing, this is the best, to know that everything is in its place and you have the whole world to enjoy.

May 4, 2010

All about something...

i give up, i can not do it anymore when you are there and i am standing right in front of you

feeling powerful yet so powerless. like a spear, something passes through me and whenever

your eyes are on me, i am captivated, i can not move nor breath and still its not pain, its

not hesitation but certain feeling of being watched, not a cruel look nor the look of disgust

and i keep telling myself, darling stand by me (Royce Prince) and the song keeps repeating

itself in my heart over and over again. each time filling my heart with new energy, new sight, new feelings,

overwhelming and beautiful. like a dream and like the way i walk with you every where with you. its all

heavenly, bright sights and wonderfully lit, like the nature has brought all the beautiful components in the

deepest ocean. a sight like a dream, a sweetest dream that i would not want to wake up from. like the

congregation of heaven, the stars and the galaxy, filled with never imagined light and colors. like the unsung

song that only i can hear and like the voice in my heart that only i can witness, you say so much and is just

meant for me. no one else has to know that, just this 'Me', and just that 'You' are enough characters for this

story. and when i walk alone in the dark, i feel you have lent me your sight so i can walk, so i feel strong and

not be scared of the darkness. and when i am down, i feel you whisper your words in my ears from my left

shoulder in my left ear, so silently yet so clear and serene and so beautiful and i feel you are looking out for

me, looking ahead, always pushing me to another plateau, where i can see my horizon and i know my ways

and i never look back because i realize what you saw is what i see now and you knew it all along that i would

be safe, that i would not be derailed, ,that i would not fall apart and shatter. like you would watch out for me,

care for me and filling my heart with courage. you walk with me being my shadow and you are never apart. i

still say the same: darling stand by me.

May 6, 2010

Pristine

Lean on me when you need me and

When you are down, let me know that you

Need me and I will be right there besides you.

Lean on me when you feel that you are lost

And I will show the world to you

Give you my energy so you can go on,

Let me know when it’s dark,

I will give you my sight

So you can move ahead.

When you find yourself in pain

Lean on me and I will give you my shoulders

If you need to cry, just let me know

That I am right here for you, always.

Like the rainbow I will fill your heart with colors

So that you dream of beautiful dreams

And that you inspire your life to be something greater

Greater than what you see of others.

You are special in every way,

And there is nothing I have to say to you

For you are complete in yourself

A complete package from god.

Lean on me when you want to smile

And share your happiness with me

When you feel that you can’t handle it alone

And take me to your world

Take me to your world.

(C) Niranjan Regmi

August 26, 2011

Everyday

Everyday i feel that we are missing how it feels to be together, calmness that we miss when we hold each

other in arms and whisper 'i love you' being one, with each day, i feel we are letting go of the precious time

to grow old together, to call each other, each other's and to see the world from a different angle. To have a

title Mr. and Mrs. and to build a little world of our own, brick by brick. With each day and each sunshine and

the moonlight, i miss being with you, to call you 'my better half', i miss being yours, everyday.