Pet Loss Support
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Transcript of Pet Loss Support
Pet Loss Support
Jo-Ann Fowler Trainer, SCAS
Pet Loss Support
• The human – companion animal bond
• Loss and grief
• Supporting clients
• Pet loss support protocols
What will we be looking at today?
The Human – Companion Animal Bond
What is it?
A Person - Pet Relationship
“The human-animal bond is a mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship between people and other
animals that is influenced by behaviours that are essential to the health and well being of both.”
“This includes but is not limited to, emotional, psychological and physical interactions of people, other animals and the environment.”
Statement from the AVMA Committee on The Human Animal Bond
in JAVMA vol. 212, No. 11, p 1675, June 1, 1998
The human-companion animal bond
People will go to extraordinary lengths for their pets and often will put their pets lives in front of their
own safety.
VIDEO: Louis
An attachment relationship
Loss of a pet can be a very difficult
thing for people to cope with
The human-companion animal bond
Who are those that will particularly vulnerable when experiencing the loss
of a pet?
Why might their bond be stronger?
The human-companion animal bond
When a bond gets stronger
• There are time when I’d be lonely except for my pet• My pet gives me a reason for getting up in the morning• In many ways my pet is the best friend I have• My pet helps me to be more physically active• I couldn’t have made it through that difficult time without my
pet• My pet is the last link to my late husband/wife/mum/dad• “Special” pets
The human-companion animal bond
Exercise
Working with the person sitting next to you, talk for 5-10 minutes about a client and their pet that you have observed and what made their relationship special e.g. shared activities, personality of the pet;
Swap over.
Then I will ask one or two of you to share your observations with the group.
The human – companion animal bond
Bond-centred Practice:
Focuses on people and the relationships they form with:
•their companion animals•with each other •with the veterinary professionals caring for their animals
(Lagoni, Morehead, Brannan & Butler,2001 )
10% of owners will see their doctors
15% of owners will take time off work
30% of owners will never go back to that practice
huge potential loss of income
A bond-centred practice
Brin McNeill, SPVS Seminar 2007
Loss and Grief
Factors that can shape grief in
relation to pet loss
• Age and life-stage• Context of the loss, life circumstances
and individual vulnerability• The circumstances of the loss
What circumstances can lead to the loss of a pet?
Loss of a pet
• Natural death e.g. heart failure
• Accidental death e.g. RTA
• PTS – euthanasia almost
unique to veterinary medicine
• Mandatory euthanasia e.g.
FMD outbreak, Dangerous
Dogs Act (1991)
• Military transfer
• Moving to residential
accommodation
• Imprisonment
• Leaving a violent partner,
moving into a hostel – pet could
be temporarily fostered
• Divorce, separation
• Natural disaster e.g. floods
• Theft
• Straying
• PTS behaviour related
Most importantly, the deeper the bond and more special the relationship with the pet, the greater the depth of emotion and grief
experienced.
But,
Never make assumptions on how you think people may react
VIDEO: ODEN
Personal patterns and processes
Stages of grief
• Numbing / shock / denial• Anger / yearning / searching • Bargaining• Despair / Depression• Acceptance / Closure
Not linear but chaotic
Not linear but chaotic
Loss and Grief
Grief is not an illness but a
natural response to loss or
threat of loss.
Physical
Emotional/psychological
Cognitive (thinking)
Social
Grief itself is not an emotion
Physical Reactions
• Insomnia (not sleeping)• Tiredness / lethargy / yawning• Crying / sobbing out loud• Diarrhoea / vomiting / nausea / change in appetite• Agitation (inability to sit still – wringing hands) • Muscle tension / body pain • Weight on chest / breathlessness • Increased heart rate
Grief and Loss
Thinking (Cognitive)
• Blame – self or others• Information seeking – about where the animal will
go and the new owners “will he be ok?”• Thinking about the animal and talking about the
animal, “processing out”• Reliving the event of the separation• Inability to concentrate/focus
Grief and Loss
Emotional / Psychological
• Sadness• Depression – extreme and overwhelming sadness• Shock• Anger• Denial• Guilt/shame• Feelings of doubt in relation to making the decision
to re-home.
Grief and Loss
Social
• Temporary increased dependency or withdrawal from others
• Feeling isolated and alone• Loss of identity• Loss of membership of social group
Grief and Loss
• Stop/go (planning v giving up hope)• Coping with the effects of an illness• Very difficult living in a state of angst• Stress / anxiety / depression / PTSD• Quality of life debate
People may need as much support before as they do after the loss
Anticipatory Grief
• There is generally no compassionate leave from work in relation to pet loss,
• There are no socially accepted ways of mourning deceased pets,
• Other people may not respond in a compassionate way, but could merely dismiss a grieving pet owner by suggesting they get another animal.
Disenfranchised Loss
'Phoebe has been found and it's terrible news': A 'devastated' Emma Bunton tweets her sadness over loss of beloved pet dog
IT'S. A. DOG. Get over it for goodness sake. Really annoys me the way people treat animals like people
Dogs are two a penny. Get another one.
This seems a little OTT. Anyone would think a child had gone missing!
Proof that a dog isn't for life and is just for Christmas after all.
Probably in a Tesco burger by now...
This is outrageous behaviour from a woman who has children! She should use her brain and try to imagine how people who have missing children will feel when they read of her over the top search for a dog. I'm a dog lover, but this is too much!
No big deal, dogs are two a penny
It's just a dog
Heartbreaking, only dog owners will understand
RIP Phoebe and every other animal that dies alone
Losing a pet is horrible, you grow attachments to them and they become part of the family. I'm sending my love to Emma and her family at this sad time
Would everyone stop saying 'its just a dog' and 'what if it were a child'. My dogs are every bit as precious to me as your children are to you. Your children may be the centre of your universe but my children are mine. I would be devastated if anything happened to them as Emma is now
So very sad
Responsibility Grief
•Questioning their own motivations •Doubt•Guilt (Responsibility)•Relief => Regret•Undeserving of support => Alone•Trivialise their own feelings
Supporting the ClientWhat do they need?
• Recognition of their loss
• Permission to grieve / Permission to stop grieving
• To know that you hear and understand what they are telling you
• To know that they are not being judged
• Opportunity to reflect and question with someone that understands
• Information – after-death body care options, how they can check on their pet in its new home, etc
Supporting the ClientEmotional Support
Anyone can provide emotional support for a person experiencing distress. Family
members, friends, colleagues and professionals can all lend a listening ear.
Supporting the ClientEmotional Support
• Focused on the emotional needs of another
• Grounded in listening and communicating
understanding of what has been expressed
• Must be genuine and is non-directive
• Informal and unstructured
• Essentially very different to counselling (WHY?)
• Will involve signposting to others such as PBSS
Supporting the ClientEmotional Support
Why is it not counselling?
•Counselling is provided by trained, usually registered and supervised individuals working within a therapeutic framework and applying a specific model of counselling
•Limited time and sessions•Indemnity Insurance•Measured goals and outcomes•Members of a professional governing body•Counsellors have to work within a code of ethics.
What form of support to you offer in your practice?
Supporting the ClientEmotional Support
Sympathy
V
Empathy
The aims of “person-centred” emotional support are to:
•Generate an equal, trusting supportive relationship
•Enable and empower those being supported
•Be free from judgement and prejudice
Frame of reference
Internal (putting yourself in their shoes – their internal focus … how it is for them)
External – staying in your own shoes – outside or external to their own experience … how it might be for you if you were in that position
Frame of reference
A. “I would be completely fuming with any driver who hit my cat”
B. “You feel furious towards the driver who injured your cat”
A. “I think everything will be ok now”
B. “You hope things will be better with this new treatment”
A. “I think Rover will be fine swallowing these – most cats are”
B.“You are worried that you won't be able to get Rover to swallow the tablets”
Empathy
VIDEO:
The power of Empathy
Barriers to listening
• Hearing vs Listening
• Not being able to see someone
• Cultural differences
• Lack of shared vocabulary
• Background noise
• Distractions
• Physical comfort of environment
• Mobile phones
• Feeling rushed
• Own thoughts
Supporting the ClientCommunication
Words spoken 7%
Tone 38%
Non-verbal 55%
Supporting the ClientEffective / Active Listening Skills
• Encouraging phrases – “I see…..”
– “Go on….”
• Open vs. Closed questions– Who?
– What?
– When?
– Where?
– (Why?)
• Allow silences/pauses
Reflecting
Restating
Paraphrasing
Asking open questions
Summarizing
Change these closed questions into open questions
1. Were you upset when Oliver became ill?
• 2. Did you contact the crematorium about Frisky?
• 3. Are you anxious about being present at Lucy's euthanasia?
• 4. Is it the cost of home euthanasia that worries you?
• 5. Do you want to wait until next week to discuss things further?
VIDEO: Tessy
Examples of active listening skills
Active listening summary
1. Pay attention: Look at speaker, look at body language, put aside distracting thoughts
2. Show that you are listening: Nod occasionally, use facial expressions, posture open and inviting, small verbal comments such as uh huh
3. Provide feedback: Reflect, paraphrasing, ask questions to clarify points, summarise etc.
4. Defer judgement: Don't interrupt!
Physical Contact
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Physical Environment
Resources
Compassionate communication Staff support
Self care
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Physical Environment
•Quiet room
•Somewhere to sit down
•Refreshments
•Separate Exit
•Home euthanasia option?
VIDEO: In home pet euthanasia
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Resource Materials
•Handouts, Website
•PBSS information cards, leaflets and posters
•Tissues
•Envelopes/bags for fur/hair
•Sympathy cards
Client SupportChildren
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Compassionate communication
•Emotional support skills
•Pre-bereavement discussions
•Payment protocols
•Validation of grief
•Referral when appropriate
•Follow up
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Staff supportSelf care
•CPD•PLS Officer/Co-ordinator•Mentoring scheme•Debriefs in staff meetings•PBSS•Talk about it•Journal•Know your limitations
0800 096 [email protected]
7 days a week, 8.30am to 8.30pm
Trained volunteers listening service
Literature
Pet Loss SupportProtocols
Reflect upon what things you already have in place
What additional things could you put in place?
Pet Loss SupportFurther study and reading
Pet Loss Support in Veterinary Practice
Distance Learning Course (SCAS)
Companion Animal Death by Mary F. Stewart, Butterworth-Heinemann
Death of an Animal FriendProduced by the Society for Companion Animal Studies (SCAS)
Absent Friend by Laura and Martyn Lee, published by Henston
Goodbye, Dear Friend by Virginia Ironside, published by Robson
Coping with Pet Loss by Robin Grey, Sheldon Press
Handbook of Veterinary Communication Skills
Edited by Carol Gray and Jenny Moffett
Pet Loss Support Conclusion
Every situation is – unique and very personal
We need to be compassionate and caring – to the animals
– to ourselves
– to colleagues and clients