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ISBN:978-1-61243-779-8

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ContentsPREFACE

OurGeneration’sIdentityCrisisHowWeGotintoThisMessWhyWeNeedtoKnowOurselves

INTRODUCTION

WhatYou’llGainfromThisBookHowThisBookIsOrganizedGettingtheMostfromThisBook

SECTIONONE:SYSTEMANDTHEORY

CHAPTER1SystemofPersonality

OurFavoritePersonalityMap

CHAPTER2Myers-BriggsDichotomiesandCognitiveFunctions

Myers-BriggsDichotomiesExplainedIntroversionvsExtraversion:InnerWorldvs.OuterWorldRealitySensingvs.iNtuition:HowWePerceiveRealityThinkingvs.Feeling:HowWeEvaluateInformationandMakeDecisionsJudgingvs.Perceiving:DoYouWantFreedomorOrganization?Dichotomies:InConclusion

CHAPTER3TheCognitiveFunctions

TheFourCognitiveFunctionsYouUse

PairingCognitiveFunctionswithMyers-BriggsTypesDominantandAuxiliaryFunctionsTertiaryandInferiorFunctions

CHAPTER4TheCarModel

DeterminingCognitiveFunctionfromTypeDriver(Dominant)Copilot(Auxiliary)10-Year-Old(Tertiary)3-Year-Old(Inferior)

CHAPTER5CognitiveFunctionsinDetail

PerceivingFunctionsJudgingFunctionsTheGoodNewsandBadNews

SECTIONTWO:THESIXTEENTYPES

CHAPTER6ENTPPersonalityType

TheENTPDriverIsExploration(Ne)TheENTPCopilotIsAccuracy(Ti)TheENTP10-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)TheENTP3-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)

CHAPTER7ENFPPersonalityType

TheENFPDriverIsExploration(Ne)TheENFPCopilotIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheENFP10-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)

TheENFP3-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)

CHAPTER8ESTPPersonalityType

TheESTPDriverIsSensation(Se)TheESTPCopilotIsAccuracy(Ti)TheESTP10-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)TheESTP3-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)

CHAPTER9ESFPPersonalityType

TheESFPDriverIsSensation(Se)TheESFPCopilotIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheESFP10-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)TheESFP3-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)

CHAPTER10INTJPersonalityType

TheINTJDriverIsPerspectives(Ni)TheINTJCopilotIsEffectiveness(Te)TheINTJ10-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheINTJ3-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)

CHAPTER11INFJPersonalityType

TheINFJDriverIsPerspectives(Ni)TheINFJCopilotIsHarmony(Fe)TheINFJ10-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)TheINFJ3-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)

CHAPTER12ISTJPersonalityType

TheISTJDriverIsMemory(Si)TheISTJCopilotIsEffectiveness(Te)TheISTJ10-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheISTJ3-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)

CHAPTER13ISFJPersonalityType

TheISFJDriverIsMemory(Si)TheISFJCopilotIsHarmony(Fe)TheISFJ10-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)TheISFJ3-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)

CHAPTER14INTPPersonalityType

TheINTPDriverIsAccuracy(Ti)TheINTPCopilotIsExploration(Ne)TheINTP10-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)TheINTP3-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)

CHAPTER15INFPPersonalityType

TheINFPDriverIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheINFPCopilotIsExploration(Ne)TheINFP10-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)TheINFP3-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)

CHAPTER16ISTPPersonalityType

TheISTPDriverIsAccuracy(Ti)TheISTPCopilotIsSensation(Se)TheISTP10-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)TheISTP3-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)

CHAPTER17ISFPPersonalityType

TheISFPDriverIsAuthenticity(Fi)TheISFPCopilotIsSensation(Se)TheISFP10-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)TheISFP3-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)

CHAPTER18ENTJPersonalityType

TheENTJDriverIsEffectiveness(Te)TheENTJCopilotIsPerspectives(Ni)TheENTJ10-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)TheENTJ3-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)

CHAPTER19ENFJPersonalityType

TheENFJDriverIsHarmony(Fe)TheENFJCopilotIsPerspectives(Ni)TheENFJ10-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)TheENFJ3-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)

CHAPTER20ESTJPersonalityType

TheESTJDriverIsEffectiveness(Te)TheESTJCopilotIsMemory(Si)TheESTJ10-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)TheESTJ3-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)

CHAPTER21ESFJPersonalityType

TheESFJDriverIsHarmony(Fe)TheESFJCopilotIsMemory(Si)

TheESFJ10-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)TheESFJ3-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)

CHAPTER22TheFIRMModel

FindYourFixationPersonalityFixationsWhatIfYouDon’tIdentifywithYourType’sFixation?WhatIfYouIdentifywithaFIRMFixationofaDifferentType?

CONCLUSION:THEPATHFORWARD

ThinkofYourselfasaSovereignPersonFindAccessPointstoBecomeWhoYouWereMeanttoBeChangetheWorldbyLovingandDevelopingYourself

APPENDIX

DiscoveringyourMyers-BriggsTypeScoringMechanismMyCarModelCarModelNotes

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUTTHEAUTHORS

Preface

The real problem of humanity is the following: We have Paleolithicemotions,medievalinstitutions,andgod-liketechnology.

—E.O.Wilson

OurGeneration’sIdentityCrisisIdentityquestionsoftentakecenterstageinoursociety.Peopletalkaboutgenderidentity, national identity, cultural identity, sexual identity, and even lostidentity.Humanityseemstobeinthemidstofacollectiveidentitycrisis.

Wedon’treallyknowwhoweareanymore.Wefacecripplinginsecurity.Onamicro level, online comment wars break out over anything from politics tovaccinationstochild-rearing.Onamacrolevel,realinternationalwarsbreakoutoverreligion,culture,ornationalpride.Theseconflictsarerootedinidentityandthedefensivenessofouregos.

We may be so defensive because we feel our identities are constantly underattack.Whenapersonlacksastrongsenseofwhotheyare,itiseasierforthemtomarginalizeorundermineanother’ssenseofself.

Weareallsearchingforourselvesinanoceanofconflictingnarratives.

HowWeGotintoThisMessWe believe there are several reasons why humanity faces this identity crisis:Technology evolves too fast, there’s a glut of information, and the world isincreasinglyglobalized.

TechnologyEvolvesTooFast

Technologies are outpacing our ability to adapt. Just over ten years ago, BillBakerwroteinDestinationBrandingforSmallCities,“Wearelivinginthemostover-communicatedtimeperiodinhistory.”Atthetimeofhiswriting,thefirstiPhone—a piece of consumer technology that changed the game ofconnectednessandcommunication—hadnotyetbeenreleased.

According to Moore’s Law, the capacity of technological hardware doubleseverytwoyears,renderingadvancementsinconsumertechbothmorepowerfulandmore affordable. This iswhy the phone in your pocket ismore powerfulthantheroom-sizedcomputersNASAreliedupontocalculatetheApollomoonlandings.Andonthosephones,weinstallaninfinitearrayofappsthatweusetoengagewith eachother,while simultaneously complaining abouthowwe lacktrueconnectionandintimacy.

Thisisnottosaythatconsumertechnologyisatfaultorthatourmodernworldissomehowwrong.Technologyanddigitalcommunicationaren’ttheproblems;it’sthattheirevolutionoutpacesourown.Wefearbeingostracizedanddisliked.AccordingtoourPaleolithicemotions,beingdislikedbyalargegroupissimilarto getting kicked out of the tribe—a fate equal to death. Because of this, ourmentalwiringcausesustoreacttonegativewordsfromsomeoneonlineasifoursurvival were in imminent danger.We have ancient imprints telling us to becareful,forifanentiregroupofpeopleweretodislikeus,wemightdie.Beinghatedbyagrouphasnegativesurvival implications,and there justhasn’tbeenenoughtimetoupgradetheseDNA-levelblueprints.

Technologygivesusnewopportunities,butalsopressuresustokeeppaceinafast-movingworld.

InformationOverload

Wespendalifetimeattemptingtoknowabouteverythingbutstruggletoknowourselves. We have too much data coming at us, all too fast. We can’t sortthrough andvet the rapidoutpouringof information in a constantly connectedworld. The internet is great for organizing and distributing all the world’s

information, but it also creates in us a hunger for producing (and consuming)moreandmore.

People today know more about global politics, world events, and celebrityrelationships than any previous generation knew. Yet somehow, we are oftenbaffledaboutourselvesandthepeoplewespendthemosttimearound.

GlobalizationLeadstoFragmentationTheworldisbecomingmoreglobalized,yetalsomorefragmentedandchaotic.Weashumansusedtostronglyidentifywithourimmediatefamilies,tribes,andevennation-states,butasnationalbordersdissolveandhumansconnectglobally,we are left without strong group identities and we lose our individual roleswithinthosegroups.

So, we gravitate to ideologies that bind us together. And we know thatideologies,rooteddeeplyinouregos,areoftenthesourceofescalatedconflict.We then findourselves tethered toour ideals rather than tootherhumans.Wecan see this with the rise of authoritarian leadership. Lacking individualidentities,massesgraspatanycultofpersonalitythatcangivethemmarkersofstrongidentity.Evenwhentheleadershipisharshandactsagainstthepeople’sbestinterest,peopletendtoacceptitbecauseithelpsthemfeelasenseofself.

WhyWeNeedtoKnowOurselvesHumansneedtomovepastsuperficialmarkersofidentity.It’stimetoreachoutandexperienceadeepsenseofself-knowing.Peopleneedtoknowthemselvestolove themselves, and they need to love themselves to love others. We, theauthors, believe that a strong senseof identitywill help you learn to do thosethings, as well as achieve a greater sense of personal security and reducedanxiety.

AcceptanceofSelfandOthers

Whenyouhavea strongsenseof identity,youcanmakespace forandacceptothers.Webelievethatbyunderstandingandhonoringyourownindividuality,youwillbecomeempoweredtoclaimyourlife’spassion,purpose,andmission.

Astrongidentityisbuiltonfeelingsecure.Securitycomesfromamodestself-evaluation, without inflating or diminishing your own talents. It is knowingyou’llbeokaywithwhatever life throwsatyou.Whenweall showupasoursecureselves,wewillcreateamorepeacefulworldthatmakesspaceforothers.

Thisoftenmeansagreeingtodisagree.Therewillbedisagreementsaswecreateaworld thathonors individualexpressionandsupportseveryonebecoming thepersontheyweremeanttobe.Butdisagreementsandpeacecancoincidewhenindividualsareconfidentinwhotheyare.Wenurtureconfidencewhenwetakeadvantageofthetoolsdesignedtounderstandourselvesbetter.

PersonalSecurityA strong sense of identity inoculates you frombeing “hacked” by otherswhoknowyoubetterthanyouknowyourself.Thereisagrowingamountofevidencethat the 2016 United States presidential election was swayed by foreigngovernments and private research firms. These actors used a combination ofmisinformation campaigns, personality insights, and psychographic data to“hack” into people’s behaviors, preferences, and motivations to influence theelection’soutcome.

We are racing toward a new frontier of psychological possibilities, includingpsychologicalexploitation.Willyoubepreparedforthecomingmentaldivide?Therewill be peoplewho understand how theirmindswork, whichwill givethemthecontrolandpowerover themselves.Theywillhaveastrongsenseofwhotheyare,givingthemgreaterinfluenceovertheirowndecisions.Andtherewill be people who don’t learn about their personalities, don’t claim theiridentities,andcouldbecomesittingducksforexploitation.

Ifyoudon’tknowwhoyouareandwhatmotivatesyou,control isoutofyourhands.Youareat themercyofpeoplewhoknowhowyourmindworksbetterthan you do.Doyouwant to be vulnerable orwould you like to get to knowyourself,yourlearningstyles,andyourmotivationalcore?

ReducedAnxiety

Nearly all people grapple with the same series of questions: “What is mypurpose,mymeaning?”“What should I spendmy lifedoing?”“Whoshould Ispend it with?”When the answers to these questions don’t make themselvesknown,wecanbecomeanxious,afraidwe’rerunningoutoftime,oruncertainofourownfutures.

When you spend time and effort getting to know yourself, you 1) spotopportunitieswhen theyare right foryou,2)avoidwasting timeon thewrongthings, and 3) trust that things will happen when the timing is right, withoutheapingblameonyourselforotherwisegettingintoself-destructivecycles.

Introduction

Whoareyoureally?Howdoyoudescribeyourself?

Howdoyoudiscoveryourtrueinnerselfandforgeapathforward?

We’reatechnologicalspecies,solet’sstickwithwhatwe’regoodat.Ifwecandevelopconsumertechnologiesthatmakeourdailytaskseffortlessandmedicaltechnologiesthatwillkeepusalivepasttheageof100,thenwhycan’twelookatsocialtechnologiesthatcanempowerusthroughthechaosofourlives?

Social and personal technologies have been in development for thousands ofyears.Theyareourreligions,beliefsystems,meditationpractices,andpolitics.WeorganizeourselvesandourinformationintowhatTimothyLearywouldcall“reality tunnels”:Theseareourpreferredwaysofexperiencing theworld, andwetrytostayinalignmentwiththosetunnels.

It’s possible, in a world that overwhelms the ancient programming of ournervoussystems,tofindanddeveloptechnologiesthatcanhelpushackintothesystemsofourveryidentitytobecomethechangetheworlddesperatelyneeds.Noother technologiesare slowingdownanytimesoon.Weneed toplaysomecatchup.

Thisbookintroducesyoutooneof thepersonalandsocial technologieswe’vefoundtohavethemostpowerinourlives:personalitytypology.

Ofcourse,nomodelorsystemwillevercompletelyexplainyouridentity.Youaremuchtoocomplexforthat.Justasstandingonamapdoesn’ttransportyouto a given location, learning about an element of your personality doesn’tsuddenlydeconstructyoutobeingonlythatthing.Andjustasafingercanpointyou to themoon, you don’t want to get too enamoredwith the finger. Focusinsteadonwhatit’spointingto.

Onceyougainincreasedawarenessofalltheelementsofyourself,youcanuseyourunderstandinginamilliondifferentapplications.Butoneapplicationwedorequest of you (it’s not a little thing): Please use the contents of this book tobecomethebestversionofyourselfpossible.Theworldneedsusalltoshowup,belessconsumedinourownegos,andinfectthesocialecosystemwiththebestideas and memes possible. As a happy coincidence, doing this also meansbecoming a generally happier personwith greater success rates in all areas oflife.

Oneofthebesttoolswe’vefoundfordiscoveryoftheselfispersonality.Yourpersonalityisn’twhoyouare,butitcanbeamaporguidetodiscoverwhoyouare.Andit isourbelief thatpersonalitycannotonlyhelpyoufindyourselfasyouare,butcanalsobeaguidetohelpyoubecomewhoyouwanttobe.

Inthisbook,weaddresstheMyers-Briggstypologysystemanditsfoundation,the eight cognitive functions defined by psychiatrist Carl Jung. Using thesemodels,we can see that there are unique andpowerful expressionsof the selfthatlivedeepinsideeachofus.It’sourlife’sworktouncoverandgrowthattrueself.

WhatYou’llGainfromThisBookThisbookgoesbeyondgeneralpersonality-typedescriptionsanddivesintoCarlJung’scognitivefunctions,orwhatwe’vecometothinkofasthewiringofyourmind. It takes personality theory to the next level and gives you a host ofbenefits,including:

• Insightintohowyourmindlearnsinformationandmakesdecisions

• Discoveringthebestdecision-makingcriteriatoincreaseboththestrengthofyourjudgmentsandyourconfidenceinyourself

• Awarenessofwhichactivitieswillhelpyougrowasapersonandimproveyourlife

• Adiagnosticofyournaturalstrengthsandblindspots

• Theabilitytogetintoaflowstate

• Knowledgeofhowtomanageandimproveyourownenergycycles

• Creatingmasterybyreallocatingtimetowardyournaturalpreferences

• Findingyourhiddentalentsandbringingthemintotheworld

• Recognizingallpartsofyourself,eventheunfamiliar,andlearninghowtointegratethemintoyouridentity

• Givingyourselfpermissiontobewhoyoureallyare,andgivingotherspermissiontobethemselves,aswell

HowThisBookIsOrganizedThisbookisdividedintotwobasicsections:“SystemandTheory”and“The16Types.”

Section1:SystemandTheory

• Chapter1showsyouhowyourpersonalityisn’tstatic,butisanentiresystemthatproducesyouastheemergent(orresult)ofthatsystem.

• Chapters2and3showsyoutheoriginalpsychologicalmodelthatCarlJungdevelopedandMyers-Briggsbuiltupon.Wethenshowyouhowtodecodeyourfour-letterpersonalitytypetodetermineyourmentalwiring.

• Chapter4introducestheCarModel.Wedesignedthissimpletooltohelpyouunderstandhowyourmindiswired,createagrowthplan,andhandleyourblindspots.

• Chapter5detailseachofthecognitivefunctions.

Section2:The16Types

• InChapters6through21,eachofthe16Myers-BriggspersonalitytypeswillbediscussedindepthandanalyzedaccordingtotheCarModel.

• Chapter22discussesamodelwedevelopedcalled“FIRM”tohelpyouworkthroughthefixationsofeachofthetypes.Eachpersonalitytype’sfixationisdeterminedbythepartofthemselveswithwhichtheymostidentifyandwiththeirunmetneeds.

Thebookconcludeswith“ThePathForward.”Here,wediscusstheimportanceof understanding our own sovereignty, having control over ourselves, andundertaking personal growth. We also focus on three vital steps: awareness,permission,anddevelopment.

GettingtheMostfromThisBookThisbookisnotdesignedtobeadeepdiveintoallthingsMyers-Briggs,thoughitdoescovertheMyers-Briggspersonalitytypesindetail.Itspurposeistofocusongrowth and advice soyou canbecome thebest versionof yourpersonalitytype.It’saprimerofsorts.Amaplegend.Abeginner’sfieldguidetohelpyounavigatethesometimestreacherouslandscapethatistheworldofMyers-Briggs,and in particular, the seemingly elusive and sometimes frustrating cognitivefunctionsthatwereattheheartofCarlJung’stheoryoftype.

Youmaybe tempted toflip to thechapteronyour individualpersonality type,buttobetterunderstandthosechapters,werecommendfirstreadingthechaptersabouttheCarModelandhowthecognitivefunctionsworkonabasiclevel.

Additionally,thebookhasaself-reportingpersonalitytesttohelpyoudetermineyour type.Allpersonality instrumentshavean error rate, so the resultsof thistest aren’t intended to be gospel truth. It is the first point of entry on yourjourney.Beopentoothertypepossibilitiesasyoureadthebookandlookforthepersonality type that fits you like a glove.That’s your best-fit type, nomatterwhattheresultsofthetestwere.

ThereisredundancyinthechaptersthatdetailtheMyers-Briggstypes.Fortypesthat share the same cognitive functions, similar language has been used todescribe both the characteristics and the exercises recommended for growth(thoughtherearesubtlechangeswhenappropriate).Thiswasastylisticchoicetoallowyou,thereader,tofocusonyourtypedescriptionwithanuninterruptedflow,andwithoutneedingtoconstantlyreferenceotherpartsofthebook.

Throughout thebook,you’llnoticeLearningPointPauses that aredesigned tohelp you integrate the more challenging elements of the system. We haveintentionally designed this to be in a workbook style to teach you a newlanguage of sorts. We also have included “Reflection” questions to help youapplytheinformationtoyourlifeandpersonalgrowthplan.

Attheendofthebook,youwillfindatemplatejournalentrythatallowsyoutofillout the“carmodel”foryourpersonality type.This iskeyto takingallyoulearnandapplyingittoyourlife.

Ourrecommendationisthatyoureadthisbookwithabeginner’smindset.Whileweenjoygeekingoutontypologyinformation,that’snottrulytheintentofthisbook.Webelievethatgettingthemostoutofthiscontentrequiresabitofradicalhonestyandhumilityaboutyourself.

Okay,enoughsetup.Let’sgetstarted!

SectionOne

SYSTEMANDTHEORY

CHAPTER1

SystemofPersonality

Your personality is a type of technology that can be upgraded.But unlike theoperatingsystemonyourcomputerorphone,there’snocorporationcreatingtheupgrade for you.You are responsible for your ownupgrades.This book is aninstructionmanualonhow tohack intoyourownsystem todesign,build,andimplementaself-directedsoftwareupgradeforyourpersonality.

Personalityisoneofthosethingsnoonecanadequatelyexplain,yetweallhaveasenseofwhatitis.Yourpersonalityismoretiedtoyourexperienceofrealitythananyother single influence,making itboth familiarand inscrutable.Whenyou look at a piece of technology, like your smartphone, you experience it asseparatefromyourself.Whenitcomestoyourpersonality,youareinsideitandimmersedinit.Likeafishtryingtodescribewater,wheredoweevenbegin?

Whenaskedtoexplainsomethingbothintrinsicandcomplexlikethis,humanstendtoeithergrosslyoversimplifyit,makeitappearasifit’soutofourcontrol,orcallitstatic,unchangeable,anddivinelyordained.Howmanytimeshaveyouheard someone justify their behavior by stating,with a shrug, “That’s justmypersonality”?

While we tend to avoid taking ownership of our personalities when theymanifest in less-than-ideal ways, we are at the same time proud andoverprotectiveofthem.Mostofuscan’thandlecriticismofourbehaviors,muchlesswhatweseeasouridentity.However,weseemtohavenoproblemspottingthesametypesofwallsanddefensivestrategieserectedbyothers.

Innerworkishard—it’stimeconsuming,uncomfortable,andrequiresustotakeego hits. If we have to change, it means we weren’t okay in the first place.Seeingothersasplasticandourselvesasstaticletsusoffthehook.Theworkis

ontheirshoulders,notours.

Butwhat ifwecouldupgradeour strategies, thoughts,and feelingsonadeep,corelevel—inthosepartsofusthatwetakeforgrantedandassumewerehandedtousbydivineorigin?Whatifwecouldtinkerwithourdeepestimprints,hackthe programming that inhibits us, and upgrade defensive messages intohappiness,empowerment,andageneralfeelingofcontentment?

Let’schooseadefinitionofpersonalityforthesakeofthisbookandstickwithit(most of the time). We say “choose” because there are seemingly a millionoptions.

Personalityis:

1. Theinterfaceyouusetoengagewiththeworldoutsideofyourself.

2. Yournervoussystem’spreferredattunementandattentiontospecifictypesofinformation.

3. Theinstrumentyouusetomeasuretheinformationyournervoussystempicksup.

Our interfacewith theworld ishowwe showupwhen interactingwithothersandtheenvironment.It’susuallythemostaccessiblepartofhowweexperienceourselves because it allows a response from others and the environment,providinguswithreal-worldfeedback.Thefeedbackprovidesamirror,andwecanmistakehowwe’reperceivedwiththeentiretyofwhoweare.Butthat’snotthefullstory.

Additionally,sinceyourpersonality isyournervoussystem’sgaugeforwhat’sinterestingandwhat’snot, italsoactsasaninstrument thatchooseswhatyournervoussystemwillpickuponandwhatitwillignore.Theattunementpartyourpersonality is, to borrow a phrase from computer programming, the GIGOmechanism:GarbageIn,GarbageOut. Itdetermines thequalityof informationyou’llbeinputtingandthequalityofinformationyou’llbeoutputting.

Ultimately,asourattentionbecomesmorenarrowedandfocusedonthe thingsthatnaturallyattractusandgiveusbetterexperiences,wealsocalibratehowweevaluatewhatcomesintoourawareness.It’snotjustqualityofinformation;it’s

our ability to determine howwe define quality. “That’s good, and that’s bad”eventually becomes an entire value system, which influences our beliefs andjudgmentsofhowtheworldshouldwork.Wearepickierabouttheinformationwe’rewillingtotakeinandself-directedtowardthingswhichinterestus.

Information in this sense also includes aspects of you—your behavior, yourbeliefs,thementalscriptsyouhaverunning,yourimprints,1andthemodelsyouusetounderstandlife.Eachofthesegrowsinsophisticationtobecomeseparatetechnologies, but the root is in the information you pay attention to anddetermineasworthy:theaccumulationofyourexperiencesandhowtheystruckyou,whichonesyoudecidedtomakepartofyouandwhichonesyoudecidedtoforget, your current values and interests, and a slew of things yourDNA hasaddedtothepile.

OurFavoritePersonalityMapOver the years of producing the Personality Hacker podcast, we’ve becomefamiliarwithalotoftechnologiesforunderstandingourselves.Theoneswelikethebest providemaps for navigating thedifferent partswithin us.Weuse thewordmapintentionally.

“Themapisnottheterritory,”asit’sbeensaid,andweholdtothat.Eachsystemor model is simply a map of how things could be working, not an empiricalrepresentationofactual reality.Ourmentor, theauthorandphilosopherRobertAntonWilson,once said, “A truemapofNewYorkwouldbeutterlyuseless.Notonlywouldyouhave toaccount foreverydetailof thecityas it is,you’dhave to account for every detail of how it had been since its inception.Everyhuman,everyrat,everyelementwouldhavetobeaccountedforifitwas‘actual’reality.”And,ofcourse,thatwouldbemoreinformationthanisusable.

That’s why we create maps—they are intentionally oversimplifiedrepresentations. And they are manageable chunks of information. For anyterrain,multipleaspectscanberepresentedonamap—roadsystems,attractions,topography, economics, political affiliations, climate—but rarely are they alldisplayed at once. We separate them out in order to master one piece ofinformationata time.Wecanbuildonaccumulatedknowledge,but it’smuch

hardertotakeallofthatinformationinsimultaneously.

Thesameisthecasewithpersonalitymaps,whichhelpusunderstandwhoweare and how we perceive reality. When people dismiss a map of personalitytypologyforbeingincompleteorlimiting,wealwayslookateachotherandsay,“Ofcourseit’snotcomplete.Nosinglemapis.That’sitspointinexisting.”

Simply stated, maps are not reality. They are a representation of reality, justinaccurate enough to be useful. The goal is to familiarize ourselveswith eachpersonalitymap—orrepresentationof thenodein thesystemofwhoweare—andeventuallyseehowallofthesepartsinterrelate.

Thatsaid,somemapsarebetterthanothers.RandMcNallyputsoutabetteratlasthan our daughter Piper’s “pirate’s treasure”maps, and the same applieswithmodelsofdevelopment.Ofcourse,thequalityofthemapisentirelysubjective.Oursix-year-oldnephewJaxonprefersPiper’smapstoRandMcNally’s.

Allmapsshouldbeheldloosely.Bydefinition,they’rejustinaccurateenoughtobeuseful,andsometimesit’stoughtodeterminethatsweetspot.Ultimately,themapsyouchoosewillmatchyourexperienceandgut responses,andoften it’sthefaithwehaveincertain“cartographers”thathelpusvetourchoices.Sotheseare the cartographers we will turn our attention to in this book: Carl Jung,KatharineBriggs,andIsabelBriggsMyers.

In1921,psychiatristCarlJungpublishedabookcalledPsychologicalTypes inanattempttoreconcilesomeoftheprevailingtheoriesofpersonalityatthetime.Hedeterminedthattherewasapatterninhowpeopleperceiveinformationandhowtheyevaluatethatinformation.Thisresearchonhowone’smindiswiredtoperceive and judge became the theory of cognitive processes, a.k.a. cognitivefunctions.

Inthe1940s,KatharineBriggsandherdaughterIsabelBriggsMyers(bothJungenthusiasts) developed an instrument (or test) to determine which cognitivefunctionsanindividualwaspredisposedtouse.TheoriginalMyers-BriggsTypeIndicator used the four-letter designations, called “dichotomies,” as a “secretdecoderring”foridentifyingaperson’scognitivefunctions.It’srarelyusedthisway now, though increased online awareness of cognitive functions is turningthataround.

Each year we teach a Profiler Training Course. The course is designed toteach our students how to cold-read others’ personality types with a highdegreeofaccuracy.Oneofthefirstexercisesweaskthemtodoisidentifytheways in which they are already profiling people and how they think otherpeopleuseprofiling.Wecanalmostpredict the resultsof the exercise eachyear. Students group people into gender, race, age, socio-economic status,style,thecartheydrive,etc.Youcanpickupsomeelementsofapersonfromthesethings,ofcourse,buthowtheindividualiswiredtothinkisfoundunderthesurfaceoftheseoutwardmarkers.

Forexample, thewaysomeoneisdressedmaygivesomeindicationofwhotheyare,butit’snotaparticularlysophisticatedmap.Howweinterpretwhattheirstylemeansisladenwithsomuchnarrativefromourownbiases.Itcanbereallyunreliableduetooversimplificationandlackoffidelity.

A really good map helps account for our biases. It’s based on patternrecognitionfrommanysources,anditensuresthatoursubjectiveexperienceisn’tasinfluentialwhenevaluatingwhoanindividualisunderneath.

1 “Imprints”arethepositiveornegativeprogramsthatthebrainisgeneticallydesignedtoacceptduringcertainpointsindevelopment.

CHAPTER2

Myers-BriggsDichotomiesandCognitiveFunctions

In2010,wewerepresentingataconferenceonpersonalitytypes.Thoughitwasafive-dayaffair,wehadonlyninetyminutestopresenttheoneglaringomissionfromtheevent:Jungiancognitivefunctions.

Duringthetalk,ayoungmaninthefrontrowwasfuriouslywriting.Everyfewminuteshishandcramped,heshookitout,andheresumedwritingasfastashecould.Afterward,hecameuptousandsaid,“I’mMyers-Briggs-certified,andIhaveneverheardanyofthestuffyouwereteaching.”

Thatwasourfirstclue.DespitetheentireMyers-Briggssystembeingbuiltupontheconceptofcognitivefunctions,fordecadesthefunctionsstayedintherealmofesotericknowledge.Theinternethasmadehugeeffortsinbringingcognitivefunctionstotheforefront,butit’sbeenaslowprocess.

There’sabarrierofentrytothedeeperaspectsofMyers-Briggs,andevenintheonlinecommunitiesthatlovetotalkaboutthefunctions,manyhavetheattitudethatifyoucan’tfigureoutcognitivefunctionsonyourown,youdon’tdeservetoknow.

Some amazingbookshavebeenwritten on cognitive functions, IsabelBriggs-Myers’bookGiftsDifferingbeing theseminalwork.LenoreThomson’sbook,PersonalityType:AnOwner’sManual, is extraordinarily insightful, as are thebooksproducedbyDarioNardiandLindaBerens,amongothers.

If you’ve ever read an article about how overvalued Myers-Briggs is, weguaranteeitwaswrittenbyapersonwhohasneverheardofhowitrelatestothe

cognitive functions. And we get it—the concept truly isn’t easy to grasp. Itcontainsa lotofseeminglyrepurposedphrasesandplentyof jargon,andif thetip of the iceberg of amodel has enough value (which, in this case, it almostdoes),there’sreallynoneedtoplungetheicydepthsinsearchoftherest.

However,tolooselyquoteRobertAntonWilson,thebestmodelsareusefulbothwhen pared down to their essentials and when indefinitely expanded upon.WhileMyers-Briggshasusefulness at itsmost shallow levels, the rewards arecommensuratewiththeworkputintounderstandingit.Thefurtherdownyougo,themorebeneficialthejourney.

Wewantyoutousethisbookasifitwereyourscubaequipment.Youstillhaveto plunge into the icy depths, but we’re going to make it as easy on you aspossible.TheworldmaynotneedyetanotherMyers-Briggsbook,butuntilthephrase“Myers-Briggs”becomessynonymouswithcognitivefunctions,wehavetotry.

There have beenmanybookswritten aboutMyers-Briggs, but arguably themostfamousworkonthe topic isDavidKeirseyandMarilynBates’PleaseUnderstandMe,aNewYorkTimesbestsellerthatfocusesonatheorycalledthefourtemperaments.

Thefourtemperamentsisacooltheoryandamodernizedversionofthefourhumors, a personality type system that is so classic, it may have roots inancient Egypt. The four temperaments are: Guardians (SJ), Artisans (SP),Idealists (NF),andRationals (NT).Youmayalreadybefamiliarwith them.However,wewillnotbediscussingthefourtemperamentsorthefourhumorsinthisbook,astheydonotrelatedirectlytocognitivefunctions.

Myers-BriggsDichotomiesExplainedRememberwhenwesaidthefourlettersofyourMyers-Briggstypecanbeusedasa“decoderring”todeterminewhichcognitivefunctionsyou’reusing?That’sbecausethefunctionscamefirst,andthefour-lettercodescamelater.Butwe’regoingtostartwiththedichotomies,becausethey’remorerecognizablethanthe

cognitivefunctions,andareoftentheeasiestaccesspoint.

There’ssomethingveryimportantforyoutorememberaswegothroughthese.Youmaygetattachedtosomeoftheprinciplesyoulearnaboutdichotomiesinthis chapter.But the conceptsofdichotomies andcognitive functionsbuildoneachother,sowerecommendseeingdichotomiesasastartingpoint.Keepthatinmindasyoulaterlearnaboutthecognitivefunctions.

Whatfollowsisjustanoverviewofthedichotomies.Thinkofthisasthe20,000-footviewneededtogetanoverviewofthelandscape.Aswegaintopographicalprecision of the map, some of these concepts will seem almost silly in theirsimplicity.

The four dichotomies are sets of opposing characteristics meant to describecertainaspectsofapersonality.Theyare:

• Introversionvs.Extraversion2

• Sensingvs.iNtuition3

• Thinkingvs.Feeling

• Judgingvs.Perceiving

Ifyou’reaMyers-Briggsenthusiast,you’veseenamilliondescriptionsofeachofthesecharacteristics.Andevenifyou’renotanenthusiast(andthisisthefirstMyers-Briggspersonalitybookyou’veeverpickedup,Godhelpyou4),you’veat least heard about introversion and extraversion, both of which are popularconceptsatthetimeofthiswriting.

Mostdescriptionsofthedichotomieswillincludelistsofbehaviorstohelpyouevaluatewhichsideofthefenceyoufallon.Andwhilewe’realsogoingtodothat,it’simportanttoknowthatyourbehaviorsareinfluencedbyaboatloadofthings: training from childhood, societal messaging, deep-rooted fears, etc.Behaviorsaretheemergentpropertiesofthesystemofyourpersonality,andthedichotomiesaresimplyonenodeinthatsystem.

For example, if you read a bulleted list of Introvert traits and one item is

“reticence in conversation,” but you’re super chatty in social situations, don’tautomaticallyassumeyou’reanExtravert.YoucouldbeanIntrovertwhoselifecircumstancesmakeconversationseasierforyou.

IntroversionvsExtraversion:InnerWorldvs.OuterWorldRealityMostresourcessaythisdichotomyisaboutenergymanagement,andthey’renotwrong.But descriptions of how energy ismanaged can be oversimplified andmisleading. Here’s an example of oversimplification that we often read:“Introverts gain their energy by being alone, Extraverts by engaging withpeople.” This doesn’t seem to alignwith the chatty Introvertwho loves to bearoundpeople,oranExtravertwhocan’tseemtoleaveapartyfastenough.

The actual difference between introversion and extraversion is this: ForIntroverts, theinnerworld(theworldinsideofthemselves)isthe“realworld,”the world that really matters. For Extraverts, the external world (the worldoutside of themselves) is the real world. It is this inner or outer reality fromwhichahostofbehaviorsemerge.

ThisiswhyIntrovertswillpauseslightlybeforetheyspeak,asifthey’remakingsuretheirwordsfirstresonateinternallybeforetheyputthemoutintotheworld.Extravertsaretheopposite—they’lloftenspeakwhilethey’rethinking,becausehearingitoutsideofthemselveshelpsthemdeterminethevalueortruthoftheirownstatement.

RelationshipswithOtherPeople

Not everything in the external world will resonate with the complex internalworldoftheIntrovert.Introvertsareputinthepositionofconstantlyreviewinginformation and reconciling itwithwhat theyknow tobe true internally.Thiscanbequite taxingafterawhile,and time to themselvesbecomesanecessaryreprieve.

TheexceptiontothisiswhenanIntrovertmakesspaceforanotherpersoninthat

inner world. This is most commonly seen when they mate or develop anextremelytightbond.TheIntrovertremapstheirinnerworldtoincludetheotherperson, who no longer seems at odds with the Introvert’s internal world.Introvertsinthissituationhavereportedthattheycouldactuallyspendalltheirtimewiththatperson,andtheyusuallyfeellonelywhenthatpersonisaway.

Ontheotherhand,Extravertsfeelmostathomewhentheyareinteractingwiththeirenvironment.Asageneralrule,theyfindvarietystimulating,andthemorepeopletheycomeincontactwithit,themoreinterestingitallis.Toomuchtimetothemselvesleavesthemboredandrestless,andtheyneedtointeractwiththeirenvironment torecharge.But thisdoesn’talwaysrequirepeople.Simplygoingforawalk,gettingoutandabout,orstudyinginterestingthingscanbeenough.

Weallmakespace insideourselves for specialpeople.But forExtravertswhoarechargedandfueledbyvarietyintheirenvironment,spendingtoomuchtimewith a single person can begin to feel like being alone. Intending no insult totheirlovedone,theycanbecomerestlessandwanttogetoutintotheworld,withorwithoutthatpersonaccompanyingthem.

Introverts,gun-shyfromyearsofhaving toadjust themselves tofit theoutsideworld,canbecomebashfulandprotectiveof theirenergy.Extraverts, realizingother people are full of new information and energy, can become extremelysocialtopursuethatenergy.Buteachpersonisunique,andhowthetwoframesofmindshowupcanbecounterintuitive.

Forexample,Introvertscanbecomepontificators,peoplewhotakecontroloftheconversationand just talkand talkand talk. Insteadofadjusting to theoutsideworld,theyattempttoforcetheoutsideworldtoadjusttotheirinnerworld.Inthesesituations,doingallthetalkingpreventsaback-and-forthconversationthatwould quickly wear on the Introvert. An alternative example is the Extravertwhoisveryawareof,andcanfear,approvalanddisapprovalfromothers.ToanExtravert who is oriented to the outer world, disapproval can feel like anobjectiveevaluation,andtheymaybecomeshydespitewantingtobesocial.

There isanapproximately50/50split in thepopulationbetweenIntrovertsandExtraverts,withsomestatisticsindicatingfractionallymoreIntroverts.

Here’s what to look for as you determine whether you are an Introvert or

Extravert:

EXTRAVERT• Outerworldisthe“realworld”• Getsenergythroughengagingwithenvironment• Lesswaryofnewexperiences• Usesopenvowelswhenspeaking,projectsvoice,“broadcasts”• Animated,energetic;“loud”gestures• Uses“we”language• Outwardlydirected,moreawareofenvironment• “Afterthinker”—cannotunderstandlifeuntilthey’velivedit

INTROVERT

• Innerworldisthe“realworld”• Getsenergythroughalonetime• Self-protectiveandmorewaryofnewexperiences• Closedmouth,softertonality,holdsback• Moresubduedgestures• Uses“I”language• Inwardlydirected,lessawareofenvironment• “Beforethinker”—cannotlivelifeuntilthey’veunderstoodit

ReflectionWhichworldistherealworldtoyou?Theinnerworldortheouterworld?

Howmuchalonetimedoyoucraveandfeeltheneedforeachday?

Sensingvs.iNtuition:HowWePerceiveRealityThisnextdichotomyinyourfour-lettercodedealswithhowyouperceiveyourworld.Sensorspreferreliabilityofinformation,andiNtuitivespreferspeedanddepthofinsight.

The first difference is that iNtuitives learn to trust pattern recognition to helpthemunderstandinformationquicklyandperceivehiddenconnectionsbetweenseemingly disparate things.They’re comfortable theorizing and speculating onwhat could be, both here and now as well as into the future. Basically, theyextrapolateimplicationsfromonlyafewdatapoints.

Sensors,ofcourse,havethissameability.Buttheydon’ttrustit,sotheydon’thoneit.Instead,theytrustreliableinformation,thingsthatcanbeverifiedintherealworld.Therefore,theybecomemastersofhistoricalinformation—theirownhistory,aswellasotherpeople’s.Sensorsalsobecomefantasticatmanipulatingphysical objects, have quicker reaction times, and tend to live in themoment.Theydon’tunderstandaneedtoquestionrealitywhenit’srightthereinfrontofthem.Realityisreliable.Speculationisn’t.

Second, Sensors and iNtuitives have different relationships with time. If real,reliable,solidinformationiswhatSensorschoosetofocuson,thenthepastandpresentcontextsaremostimportant.Sensorscan’trelyonwhathasn’thappenedyet, so the future is far less interesting. On the other hand, iNtuitives arecomfortable with seeing what isn’t there. The past doesn’t really hold theirinterestasmorethanareferencepointforfuturepredictions.

Third, the Sensor/iNtuitive dichotomy alters values and basic interests. ForSensors,valuessurroundingthingslikefamily, tradition,enjoyingthemoment,beingresponsiveandgettingaheadofproblems,etc.,areallrootedintheknownandknowable,andthereforecanbetrusted.ForiNtuitives,valuesfocusmoreon

the abstract: meaning-making, narratives, imagination, possibilities,perspectives, and “what if” questions. Conversation will generally revolvearoundthesethings,withlittleinterestinsmalltalk.

BothSensorsandiNtuitiveshaveanimportantroleinourworld.Sensorsoftenholddownthefort,managingandstewardinginfrastructuresthatkeepusgoingasasociety.iNtuitivesaregenerallythetrailblazers,comingupwithnewwaysof looking at and doing things that end up producing new technologies andparadigms. It makes sense that fewer iNtuitives would be needed—too muchinnovation, and everything collapses. But without innovation, the worldstagnates.

There is an approximately 75/25 split in the population between Sensors andiNtuitives,favoringSensors.

Here’s what to look for as you are determining whether you are a Sensor oriNtuitive:

SENSOR• Likesverifiable/reliableinformation,comfortablewithusingfivesenses• Seekscontentment• Cravesenjoyment,faceslifeobservantly• MoreobservantthanNsregardingoutsideworld,canbeobservantatthecostofimagination

• Talentforrecreating/livinginthemoment• Tendstocreateanenjoyablepresentandletthefuturetakecareofitself• Moresafety-orientedandriskaverse,inanideologicalwayifnotinaphysicalway(i.e.,preferstried-and-truebeliefsystems)

• Morestraightforwardcommunicationstyle

INTUITIVE

• Likesspeedofinformationanddeepinsight,comfortablewithspeculation

• Oftenrestless• Cravesinspiration,faceslifeexpectantly• Seeshowthingscouldbeasopposedtohowthingsare• Canbeimaginativeatthecostofobservation• Strugglestobe“present,”isfutureoriented• Moreinitiative/ambitionforgettingtothenextphase• Lessrisk-averse,moreideological;asksmore“whatif”questions• Morecomfortablewithfailureforthesakeofinnovation• Usesmoresymbolsandanalogies

ReflectionWhat captures and arrests your attention more often: what could be, or whatalreadyexists?

Whatisyourthresholdforabstractconversation?

Whatisyourthresholdforsmalltalkandwho/what/whereconversation?

Thinkingvs.Feeling:HowWeEvaluateInformationandMakeDecisionsThethirddichotomyinyourfour-lettercodedealswithhowyoumakedecisionsand evaluate information. Thinkers use impersonal metrics to determine thevalueof anobject, idea,or situation,whileFeelersusepersonal,human-basedconsiderations.Ofcourse,allThinkersfeelandallFeelersthink.Feelerscanuseanalytical, cerebralprocesses tocome to theirconclusions just asThinkersdo.

Atthesametime,Thinkerscanuseemotion-basedconsiderationswhendecidingtheirvalues.

ThemostobviouswaytoobserveaThinker’semotionsintheirvaluesystemisseeinghowfrustrated,upset,orevendownrightiratetheybecomewhenpeopleignorewhat theybelieve tobeaccurate,effective, true,or real. If theirmetricsaren’thonored,itcantakequiteanemotionaltollontheThinker.

On theotherhand,Feelerscan ignore theirownemotions inorder tomaintainwhattheybelieveisright.Socialconsiderationsusuallyrankhighontheirlistofvalues,andit’snotuncommonforaFeeler toputaside theiremotions tokeepharmonyinanawkwardsituation.

Itmakes sense, however, that Thinkers would have data andmetrics on theirmind far more often, and would therefore be more comfortable and adept incareers,relationships,andothersituationswheredataandresourcemanagementarefavored.Feelers,bythesametoken,wouldhavepeopleandhumaninterestsontheirradar,andsotheywillfeelmoreathomewithdisplaysofemotionandinterpersonaldynamics.

There is an approximately 55/45 split in the population between Feelers andThinkers, favoring Feelers. When gender is taken into consideration, womenhighly skew toward Feeling, whereas men only moderately skew towardThinking.

Here’swhat to look for as you are determiningwhether you are aThinker orFeeler:

THINKER• Prefersimpartial,impersonaldataandmetrics• Coolsocially,moredistant,andwon’tjumptoconnect;moreinterestedinyourinfo/data

• Won’tnodwhilelistening,unresponsive• Canbetactless,valuestruthovertact• Canhavestrongerexecutiveability

• Morelikelytoquestionotherpeople’sconclusions• Usuallyhasasteadygazeandismoremonotonewhenspeaking• Onlyemotionsthat“makesense”arevalidinbothselfandothers• Ignoresemotionsinfavorofdata• Morebusinesslikethanpersonalinconversation

FEELER• Prefersbeingpersonalandhuman-oriented• Friendlyandwarmerintone,oftenenjoysconnectingandseekingconnection• Oftennodsinencouragementwhenothersaretalking• Valuestactovertruth• Makesastrongerpoliticianandtendstohavebettersocialskills• Moreinterestedinhumans,includingthespeaker,whenconversing• Connectswithpersonalstories• Tendstoagreewithothersratherthanbeconfrontational,unlessavalueisinconflict

• Seesallemotionsasvalid• Ignoresdatainfavorofemotionalexperience• Morepersonal,lessbusiness-oriented

ReflectionWhenmakingdecisions,areyoumorepersuadedbytheimpactthedecisionwillhaveonpeople(yourselfincluded),orareyoumorepersuadedbydata,metrics,andanalysis?

Whenmakingdecisions,doyoulistentoyourheadoryourheart?

Whatangersyoumore:lackofthoughtorlackofempathy?

Judgingvs.Perceiving:DoYouWantFreedomorOrganization?The fourth and final dichotomy in your four-letter code deals with how youorganizeyourworld.Perceiversorganize their innerworld toallowouterworldfreedom,andJudgersorganizetheirouterworldtoallowinner-worldfreedom.

When Judgers think, they like towander the garden of theirminds. Ideas andthoughts come to them the sameway fish swim around in a koi pond, and itrequirescalmandpeacetoreallyfocusorevenseethemclearly.IfJudgersaredeepinthoughtandaredisrupted,it’slikedisturbingthewatersofthatkoipond—thelittleideasswimaway,andtheJudgermayormaynotbeabletogetthemback.

This requires the Judger to have a measure of control over their externalenvironment.Theymustbevigilantagainstpotentialdisruptions.Whatstartsoutasasimpleneedtothinkgrowsintoanall-encompassingneedtohaveorderintheirenvironment.Judgersoftenreportthattheythinkbetterwhentheirhouseisorganizedandtheyhavenovisualclutter.Therefore,it’seasiertokeepthehousetidymostof the time. It’s thesamefor theirvehicle,workdesk,private room,etc.

Perceivers are the exact opposite. Their thoughts and feelings are well-organized,andifyouinterruptaPerceiverinthemiddleofathought,theirmindgenerallytagsandfilesitforlater.Recallingitissimplyamatteroffindingtheright subject, category, or mental sticky note to retrieve it. However, somePerceivers are unaware of this phenomenon inside of themselves. They areunconsciously competent in having organized thoughts and feelings. On theother hand, Judgers aremore aware of the lack of internal organization,mostlikely due to the frustration they experience at losing track of their thoughtswheninterrupted.

Theability toorganizeand track thoughtsallowsPerceivers toengage in theirnumber-one favorite activity: improvisation. For Perceivers, having completefreedom to act in the outer world, keeping all their options available, isextremelysatisfying.ButPerceiversmustbeable tomakedecisionsquickly iftheywishtoeffectivelyimproviseorcapitalizeonopportunities.

A Perceiver’s mind may be illustrated by a batter in a baseball game,anticipating the moment when the pitcher throws the ball. They need torespond extremely quickly, making the executive decision when exactly toswingthebat.Havingimmediateaccesstoinformationliketheeffectofthewind, thecurveof theball,and theweightrequiredbehindthehitgives thebatterfarmoreprecisiontoeffectivelyhittheballinacontrolleddirection.

TheresultcanbeobservedinPerceiverswhiletheyaredriving,dancing,andinconversation.WhileJudgerscanbequick-witted,itisusuallyPerceiverswhoarethebest improvcomedians.However, italsomeans theyaren’tusuallyall thatconcernedaboutdisruptions,andsohouseholdorganizationcangetputon thebackburner.It’sacommonPerceivertraittothrowclothesaroundnegligently,endingupwitha“floordrobe.”

AnothertraitofJudgersisplanning.UnlesstheJudgerhastaughtthemselvestobe okay with improvisation and acting on the fly, they will usually be quiteuncomfortablewhenthrownintoasituationtheydidn’texpect.Evenalittlebitofwarning as towhat’s coming up nextwill help a Judger relax.Themore aJudgergetstoplan,thebettertheyfeel.

Perceiverscanalsobenefitfromplanning,buttheywilloftenexcelinsituationsthatputpressureonthem.Theymayunconsciouslyprocrastinateonassignmentsand projects, having learned over time that they perform best in the eleventhhour.Thissamelast-minutemechanismrarelycomesthroughforaJudger.It’sunreliable,atbest.

Simply put, in last-minute situations, Perceivers can pull a rabbit out of a hatwhileJudgerscangetoverwhelmedandlockup.Butthat’snothoweitherwouldself-identifyordescribethemselves.

Asa final note, there are timeswhen Judgers are sloppyandunorganized andPerceivers are meticulous and planned. For example, a Judger may have anorganizedlifebutamessybedroom.Thereturnoninvestmentoncleaningtheirbedroommaynotbehighon the listofpriorities sincenoonebut themselveswillseeit.APerceivermayhaveintegratedtheimportanceofacleanhouseorcar and not allow themselves to have a single item out of place. These areexceptions, however, and tied more to the specific cognitive functions anindividualisusing.

There is an approximately 55/45 split in the population between Judgers andPerceivers,favoringJudgers.

Here’s what to look for as you are determining whether you are a Judger orPerceiver:

JUDGER• Uncomfortablewhentheydon’tknowwhattoexpect• Tendstofollowplans• Isusuallybetteratlong-termplanning• Tendstobeearlyorontime• Takespleasureinfinishingprojects• Thinksoftenaboutthefutureorpast• Isdistractedbyachaoticenvironment• Isattheirbestinfamiliarenvironments• Isfrustratedbyopenloops• Understandssocialstructure,andismorelikelytobecompliant• Usuallywantstoavoidrisks

PERCEIVER

• Focusedwhentheydon’tknowwhattoexpect• Tendstofollowimpulses

• Isusuallybetteratrespondingtocrisis• Tendstobeontimeorlate• Takespleasureinstartingprojects• Focusesonthepresentmoment• Isindifferenttoorenergizedbyachaoticenvironment• Isattheirbestinstimulatingenvironments• Isfrustratedbyrestrictedoptions• Ismorelikelytobecountercultureandrebelliousaboutsocialrules• Usuallyenjoysthethrillofuncertainty

ReflectionWhat bothers you more: when your life is disorganized or your options arelimited?

Doyouliketoplanaheadorprefertobespontaneous?

Areyoubetteratstartingprojectsorfinishingprojects?

Dichotomies:InConclusionTherearesixteenpossiblecombinationsofthefourdichotomies.Wewillgointothequalitiesofeachofthesetypeslaterinthebook.Theyare:

ESTJESFJISTJISFJESTP

ESFPISTPISFPENTJENFJINTJINFJENTPENFPINTP

INFPNowthatwe’veestablishedthequalitiesofthedichotomies,let’splungedeeperintothenextlayerofMyers-Briggs:Jungiancognitivefunctions.

If you haven’t yet taken the Myers-Briggs test on page 297, please take amomenttodiscoveryourtype.

Imagineaniceberg.Untilnow,we’vebeenlookingatthepartoftheicebergpeakingabove thewater line: the fourdichotomies. In thenext chapter,wewill plunge under thewater and examine the part of the iceberg below thesurface,theeightJungiancognitivefunctions.Thisiswherethingscangetalittle confusing for somepeople.Wewill clarify the confusion aswego asbestaswecan.However,thefullpicturewillemergeinthefollowingchapterasweputtheentiresystemtogether.Hanginthere.

2 We’vechosentousetheJungianspellingofExtravertandextraversionwithan“a,”asopposedtotheconventionalspellingsofExtrovertandextroversion.

3 InMyers-Briggs,IntuitionisabbreviatedasN,whichiswhywe’vechosentowriteitasiNtuitioninsomeplaces.

4 Justkidding.You’vemadeafabulousdecision.

CHAPTER3

TheCognitiveFunctions

Cognitivefunctionsarethewaysinwhichyourmindisnaturallywiredtotakeinnewinformationanddeterminetheworthorvalueofthatinformation.Theyaredivided intoperceiving functionsand judging functions.Weallneedaway totakeinnewinformation(perceive),andawaytodeterminetheworthorvalueofthatinformation(judge).

There are eight cognitive functions.Of the eight cognitive functions, four areperceivingfunctions,andfourarejudgingfunctions.

CognitiveFunctionNickname

Cognitive FunctionTechnicalName

Judging orPerceivingFunction

Perspectives IntrovertedIntuition PerceivingExploration ExtravertedIntuition PerceivingMemory IntrovertedSensing PerceivingSensation ExtravertedSensing PerceivingEffectiveness ExtravertedThinking JudgingAccuracy IntrovertedThinking JudgingHarmony ExtravertedFeeling JudgingAuthenticity IntrovertedFeeling Judging

“Time out!” youmight say. “I thought you just said above that someonewaseitheraJudgeroraPerceiver.Areyounowsayingthat therearefour typesofJudgersandfourtypesofPerceivers?”

Thisiswherepeoplebegintofindthemselvesconfused,becausethesamewordis being used to denote two different concepts. In fact, you will notice thispattern all through this next section. The same words are used to conveydifferentmeanings.

Thefirstconcept,dichotomies,referstoaperson:aJudgeroraPerceiver.Inadichotomy, there are only two options. For example, if you look at the fourthletter in the Myers-Briggs code, an ESTJ is a Judger, while an INFP is aPerceiver.

Thesecondconcept,cognitivefunction,referstoamentalprocessoraqualityapersonpossesses.

• Ajudgingfunctionaidsindecisionmakingandevaluation,whichissomethingallpeopleneedtobeabletodo,notjustJudgers.Therearefourjudgingcognitivefunctions.

• Aperceivingfunctioninfluenceswhatcapturesourattentionandwhatwefindinteresting.Everyoneneedsaperceivingfunction,notjustPerceivers.Therearefourperceivingcognitivefunctions.

We’ll talkmore about the qualities of both judging and perceiving functions.The important thing for you to remember is this:Donot conflate Judgers andPerceivers (dichotomy) with judging and perceiving functions (cognitivefunction). Later, we’ll reveal the relationship between the dichotomy ofJudgers/Perceiversandtheeponymouscognitivefunctions.

LearningPointPauseDescribeinyourwordsthedifferencebetweenaJudgerandajudgingcognitivefunction.

A Judger is

_______________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

A judging cognitive function is___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Describe in your words the difference between a Perceiver and a perceivingcognitivefunction.

A Perceiver is___________________________________________________________________________________

A perceiving cognitive function is_______________________________________________________________

The perceiving functions are split into two categories: sensing and intuition.Thesearebasedonourpreference for eitherperceiving theworld throughoursenses(sensing)orthrougha“sixthsense”(intuition),whichweconsideratypeofadvancedpatternrecognition.

Again,we’re not talkinghere about theSensor/iNtuitiondichotomy.Here, thetermssensingandintuitionrefertothecognitivefunctions,thementalprocessesthroughwhichweunderstandtheworld.

Thejudgingfunctionsarealsosplitintotwosubcategories:feelingandthinking.Thesearebasedonourpreferenceforjudginginformation:byeitherhowpeoplewill be impacted by our decisions (feeling) or how the numbers,metrics, andlogicwill playout (thinking).As above, the terms feeling and thinking in thiscontextrefertothecognitivefunctions,nottheFeeler/Thinkerdichotomy.

Finally, sensing, intuition, thinking, and feeling are each split into either anintroverted or extraverted attitude. You’ve probably noticed the pattern here:We’re not talking about the Introvert/Extravert dichotomy, but rather whichdirection the cognitive function is aimed—the outerworld or the innerworld.Thisistechnicallycalleditsattitude.

When discussing cognitive functions, introversion and extraversion don’tdescribepeopleorbehaviors.Theydon’t refer to theneed tobe the lifeof theparty and/or to stay at home with your cat and read Charlotte Bronte. (Orwhatever other stereotypes play in your head.) Introversion is away to get intouchwithone’sinnerworld.Extraversionisawaytogetouter-worldfeedback.Whentalkingaboutcognitivefunctions,that’sessentiallyalltheymean.

Wetakeinandperceivetheworldthroughsensingandintuition,butnotallofususetheseprocessesinthesameway.Someofusaremorefocusedonourinnerworldswhenweperceive,andothersaremorefocusedontheouterworldwhenweperceive.

Each of these eight functions has its own unique characteristics, which we’lloutlineinalaterchapter.

LearningPointPauseUsethesequestionstohelpyoutakewhatwejusttalkedaboutandanchoritforthenextsection.

Listthefourperceivingfunctions.

Listthefourjudgingfunctions.

Whatisanattitude?

Whatisthedifferencebetweenaperceivingfunctionandajudgingfunction?

Congratulations!You’vemadeitpastthefirststickingpoint—thatdichotomiesand cognitive functions share similar names but are different concepts. Youshouldgotothekitchenandgetyourselfatreat.

TheFourCognitiveFunctionsYouUseYourpersonalitytypeismadeupoffourcognitivefunctionsindescendingorderof strength. You have access to all eight of the functions discussed on the

previouspages,andeveryoneusesalleightallthetime.But,foryou,onlyfouroftheseprocesseshavespecificsignificanceandapredictableinfluence.We’llfocusonthosefour,whicharetechnicallycalledyourcognitivefunctionstack:adominantandauxiliaryfunction(strengths,ornaturaltalents),andatertiaryandinferiorfunction(weaknesses).Allfourplayimportantroles.

CognitiveFunctionStrengthsThesefirsttwocognitivefunctionshelpmakeyouacompleteperson.Ifweonlyeverjudged,wewouldmaketerribledecisionssincewewouldbeworkingwithlimited information. Ifweonlyeverperceived,wewouldn’tmakedecisionsatallandtheworldwouldrunusover.Similarly,weneedawaytoengagewiththeworldinsideofus(introvert),aswellasgetreal-worldfeedback(extravert).

Thefirsttwofunctionsinyourstackaredesignedtofillallfouroftheseneeds.Let’sexplainhowthisworks.(Thisisthenextstickingpoint.Mightwanttograbanothersnack.)

If your judging function has an extraverted attitude, your perceiving functionwillautomaticallyhaveanintrovertedattitude.Theconverseisalsotrue.

Thismeans ifyour judgingfunction isExtravertedThinking(Effectiveness)orExtraverted Feeling (Harmony), your perceiving function will be IntrovertedSensing(Memory)orIntrovertedIntuition(Perspectives).Ontheotherhand,ifyourjudgingfunctionisIntrovertedThinking(Accuracy)orIntrovertedFeeling(Authenticity), your perceiving function is Extraverted Sensing (Sensation) orExtravertedIntuition(Exploration).

This is a favor your brain has done for you. If both your functions wereextraverted,you’dbeacrazypersonwhoonlyreactedtoexternalstimuli,unabletoknowyourinnerselfatall.Ifbothyourfunctionswereintroverted,you’dbeequallycrazy,butmorelikelytowalkarounddowntown,perpetuallytalkingtoyourself.

Let’spickacognitivefunctionatrandomtoillustratethisfurther.Ifyou’reusingtheExtravertedFeeling(Harmony)process,youhaveaccesstotheworldaroundyou (extraversion) and are capableofmakingdecisions (judging).You’ve just

knockedouttwoofyourfourneeds.

Butyou’restillnotcomplete.Youneedaccesstoyourinnerworld(introversion)and away to take in new information (perceiving). So, you need a secondaryprocess to help youmeet all four needs. In this case, let’s choose IntrovertedSensing.

Let’schooseanothercognitivefunctionatrandom.

Ifyou’reusingtheIntrovertedIntuitionprocess,youhaveaccess toyour innerworld(introversion)andcantakeinnewinformation(perceiving).Youarestillmissingtwoofyourfourneeds.

You still need access to your outer world (extraversion) and a way to makedecisions(judging).So,youneedasecondary,orauxiliary,processtomeetallfourofyourneeds.Inthiscase,let’schooseExtravertedThinking.

Areyouseeingapattern?Certainfunctionspairwithcertainotherfunctionsinordertofulfillallfourrequirements:introversion,extraversion,perceiving,andjudging.

LearningPointPauseUsethesequestionstohelpyoutakewhatwejusttalkedaboutandanchoritforthenextsection.

Listthefourneedsallpeoplehave.

Whycan’ttwointrovertedfunctionsbepairedtogether?Whatmighthappen?

Whycan’ttwoextravertedfunctionsbepairedtogether?Whatmighthappen?

List the two cognitive functions that can be paired with Introverted Feeling

(Authenticity).

PairingCognitiveFunctionswithMyers-BriggsTypesThinkofthedichotomiesintheMyers-Briggssystemasasandwich:twopiecesofmeatinthemiddle,twopiecesofbreadontheoutside.

The meat pieces in the middle are the foundation for the functions.Sensing/IntuitionandThinking/Feelingarethebasisforthecognitivefunctions,andtheyarealwaysrepresentedbythemiddletwolettersinthefour-lettercode.Noticethepatterninallsixteentypes:

ESTJESFJISTJISFJESTPESFPISTPISFPENTJENFJINTJINFJENTPENFPINTP

INFP

WhichCognitiveFunctionAreYouExtraverting?Thisisanotherbigstickingpointforpeople,solistenup:YouareconsideredaJudger or a Perceiver based onwhich cognitive function you are extraverting,andthereforewhichfunctionisobvioustoothers.

It’simportanttobeawarethatextravertingafunctiondoesnotnecessarilymeanthatyouare anExtravert. Itmeans that this function is thepart ofyou that isextraverted.Theattitudeof thatparticularfunctionisdirectedtowardtheouterworld,notyourinnerworld.

Ifyouarea Judger, thatmeansyoualwaysextravertyour judging function. Ifyou are a Perceiver, you always extravert your perceiving function. In otherwords,youareconsideredaJudgerorPerceiverbaseduponwhatyoushowtotheworld,notwhichfunctionyoupreferthemost.

We’llannotatewhichfunctionisbeingextravertedbyaddingalittle(e)nexttothatfunction.

Sinceall Judgersextravert their judgingfunction (thinkingor feeling), thenallJudgerslooklikethis:

Since all Perceivers extravert their perceiving function (sensing or intuition),thenallPerceiverslooklikethis:

Asmentionedearlier,everyoneneedsawaytogetintouchwiththeouterworld(extravert) and the inner world (introvert). Once you know which cognitivefunction in the meat of the sandwich is extraverted, you simply applyintroversiontotheotherfunction.Weuse(i)toshowintroversion.

So, now you know which cognitive function you’re extraverting and whichfunctionyou’reintroverting.Buthowdoyouknowwhichisyourdominant(orpreferred)function,andwhichisyourauxiliary(orsupportive)function?

DominantandAuxiliaryFunctionsThefirstsliceofbreadinthefour-lettercode,EorI,determineswhichcognitivefunctionisdominant:

• IfyouareanExtravert,thenwhicheverfunctionisextravertedisyourdominant.

• IfyouareanIntrovert,thenwhicheverfunctionisintrovertedisyourdominant.

Therefore,itfollows:

• IfyouareanExtravert,whicheverfunctionisintrovertedisyourauxiliary.

• IfyouareanIntrovert,whicheverfunctionisextravertedisyourauxiliary.

Aswe discussed on page 31, your personality type ismade up of four of thecognitivefunctionsinadescendingorderofstrength.IfyouknowyourMyers-Briggs personality type, you can figure out your dominant and auxiliaryprocesses. These are the first two—and the strongest—cognitive functions inyourcognitivefunctionstack.

The last two functions are weaker processes, and are technically called yourtertiaryandinferiorfunctions.

LearningPointPauseUsethesequestionstohelpyoutakewhatwejusttalkedaboutandanchoritforthenextsection.

If you are a Judger, that means you always extravert your________________________function.

If you are a Perceiver, you always extravert your__________________________function.

Ifyour judging function is extraverted,yourperceiving functionmusthavean________________________attitude.

If your judging function is introverted, your perceiving functionmust have an________________________attitude.

If the first letter in your Myers-Briggs code is E, your dominant function’sattitudeis________________________.

If the first letter in your Myers-Briggs code is I, your dominant function’sattitudeis________________________.

If the first letter in your Myers-Briggs code is E, your auxiliary function’sattitudeis________________________.

If the first letter in your Myers-Briggs code is I, your auxiliary function’sattitudeis________________________.

TertiaryandInferiorFunctionsTodiscoverwhichcognitivefunctionsareyourtertiaryandinferior,weusetheprinciple of polarities by reversing the dominant and auxiliary. The inferiorcognitivefunctionisthepolarityoppositeofthedominant,whereasthetertiaryfunctionisthepolarityoppositeoftheauxiliary.

Eachofthecognitivefunctionshasanoppositefunctionitpairswithtocreateapolarity,orpairingofopposites.Youdon’thavetolookfar—thepolaritiesareallthereintheeightfunctions.

Introversionisoppositeofextraversion,sensingisoppositeofintuition,thinkingisoppositeoffeeling.Theirpolaritymatchesbecome:

If one cognitive function is a strength, its polar opposite is, by definition, notgetting as much time and attention in development. But they are intrinsicallylinked, sowhere one is present, the other also resides. Think of them as twosidestothesamecoin,withonesideweightedtocomeupoverandoveragaininyourcoinflips.Theotherisstillthereandhasapercentagechanceofsurfacing.

This is important to knowwhendeterminingyour cognitive function stack, orthedescendingorderofthefourfunctionsthatinfluenceyoumost.

It’seasiesttograspthisusingwhatwecalltheCarModel,discussedinthenextchapter.

CHAPTER4

TheCarModel

Since 2009, we’ve been using a simple tool to teach cognitive functions; wenamed it theCarModel. It’s been a powerful tool in our coaching, programs,and content. We feel it is the best way to grasp the full extent of yourpersonality.

Imagineyourmindasafour-passengervehicle.Inthefrontofthecar,youhaveaDriver,andnexttotheDriversitsaCopilot.DirectlybehindtheCopilot isa10-Year-Old, and sitting behind theDriver is a 3-Year-Old. These passengersrepresentthecognitivestack.

Itwouldlooklikethis:

Nowlet’stakewhatwelearnedinthelastchapterandapplyithere.We’regoingtoshowyouhowtousethistooltogiveyoudeeperinsightintohowyourmindiswired.Wearegoingtoworkclockwise.

First, place your dominant function in the position of theDriver. Next,makeyourauxiliaryfunctiontheCopilot.Then,placetheoppositeoftheCopilot(thetertiary) in the position of the 10-Year-Old. Finally, place the opposite of theDriver(theinferior)inthepositionofthe3-Year-Old.

Thisishowyoudetermineallfourcognitivefunctionsinyourpersonality,a.k.a.thefourpassengersinyourcar.

Let’sillustratethisusingareal-lifeexample.

DeterminingCognitiveFunctionfromTypeAntoniaisanENTP.First,let’sisolatethetwomiddledichotomiesinAntonia’sfour-letter code, or what we referred to in the last chapter as themeat in thesandwich.HertwomiddledichotomiesareiNtuitionandThinking.

AntoniaisaPerceiver,whichmeanssheisextravertingherperceivingfunction,making itobvious toothers.AsanENTP,herperceivingfunction is iNtuition.That means iNtuition is the process she is extraverting. We can add theannotation of (e) next to her perceiving process, N for iNtuition. To be acompleteperson,Antonianeeds an introvertedprocess.Therefore, her judgingprocess,thinking,mustbeintroverted.Wecanaddtheannotationof(i)nexttoTforthinking.

We’ve now determined Antonia’s two primary cognitive functions. But wehaven’tdeterminedwhichisdominant(theDriver).

Weuse the first dichotomy,Extraversion vs. Introversion, to determinewhich

function is the Driver. As an ENTP, Antonia is an Extravert, meaning herdominantfunctionisExtravertedIntuition.Thismeansherintrovertedfunctionisauxiliary,ortheCopilot.Inthiscase,theCopilotisIntrovertedThinking.

Nowthatwe’veestablishedAntonia’stwomainfunctions,thedominantDriverandauxiliaryCopilot,it’ssimplyamatteroffillingoutthe10-Year-Oldandthe3-Year-Old.Wedothisbyusingtheprinciplesofpolarities(seepage36).

If her Driver is Extraverted Intuition (Ne), her 3-Year-Old is the opposite:Introverted Sensing (Si). If her Copilot is Introverted Thinking (Ti), her 10-Year-Oldistheopposite:ExtravertedFeeling(Fe).

LearningPointPauseUse these questions to help you translate yourMyers-Briggs type to yourCarModel.

Step1:Writeyourfour-lettercodehere. Ifyouareunfamiliarwithyourcode,taketheMyers-Briggsquizonpage297.

E/I:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

S/N:____________________________________________________________________________________________________

T/F:____________________________________________________________________________________________________

J/P:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Step2:Focusonthetwomiddlelettersanddeterminewhichcognitivefunctionyou extravert. If you are a Perceiver, put an (e) next to the S/N. If you are aJudger,putan(e)nexttotheT/F.

______________________________________________________

Step 3: Now, put an (i) next to the other letter in the middle. If you are aPerceiver,putan(i)nexttotheT/F.IfyouareaJudger,putthe(i)nexttotheS/N.

______________________________________________________

Step 4: Determinewhich function is your dominant by circling the cognitivefunction(S/NorT/F)thatmatchesthefirstletter(E/I)inyourfour-lettercode.

______________________________________________________

Step5:Placethedominantfunctioninthetop-leftsquarebelow.

Step6:Placetheauxiliaryfunctioninthetop-rightsquare.

Step 7: Using the principle of polarities, place the opposite function of theCopilotinthebottom-rightsquare.

Step8:PlacetheoppositefunctionoftheDriverinthebottom-leftsquare.

ApplyingtheCarModeltoyourpersonalityrequiresyoutounderstandtwomainthings:

1. Thecharacteristicsofeachoftheeightcognitivefunctions

2. HowtheychangedependinguponwheretheyfitintheCarModel

Beforewetakeadeepdiveintoeachoftheeightcognitivefunctions,we’llfirstlookat typedynamics, therelationshipeachfunctionhas to theotherfunctionsdependinguponwhereitsitsintheCar.

Driver(Dominant)TheDriveristhepartofyourpersonalitythatyouidentifywiththemost.Ifweweretoaskyoutodescribeyourself,youwouldspend80percentofyourtimedescribingthispartofyou.Whenyou’reusingthiscognitivefunction,you’reinwhatwecallyour“flowstate.”It’sthego-totoolinyourcognitivetoolbox.

But there is a difference between talent and skill. Talent is natural ability,whereasskillisconsciousdevelopment.AsauthorandeducatorStephenCoveywould say, honing a skill is like “sharpening the saw.” Just because youhavenaturaltalentinsomethingdoesn’tmeanyouhavedevelopedskill.

For example, you may find yourself in a family that doesn’t understand orvalidate yourDriver process. Youmay have been given themessage that it’sunacceptable touse and itmayevenbeunconsciously sabotagedbypeople inyourlifewheneveryouattempttodevelopit.

Or, you may find yourself in the opposite situation, when everyone in your

familyovervaluesyourDriverfunctionandusesittotheiradvantage.Givennoresistance,youreceivepositivefeedbackforusingit,evenifit’snotverywell-developed.

Eitherway,it’syourresponsibilitytomanagetheDriverfunctionbyschedulingplentyoftimeforitsuseanddevelopment.Ifyoudon’tclockenoughtimeusingit,youwillfindyourselfdysthymicanddepressed.Ifyoudon’tbuildskill,youwill findyourself ineffectual,and thego-to tool inyourcognitive toolboxwillnotbeuptothechallengeslifethrowsatyou.

InhisbookFlow,authorMihalyCsikszentmihalyiwritesaboutgettingintoaFlowState.Onecanexperienceflowbybeingfully immersedinanactivitywithenergized focusandenjoyment.When in this state,mostpeople reportlosingtrackofspaceandtime.It’sbeenourexperiencethatpeopleoftenenterthisstateofflowwhentheyarefullyandactivelyusingtheirDriverprocessinanincreasinglyproficientway.

Copilot(Auxiliary)TheCopilotisapartofyourpersonalitythatyouidentifywith,butnotnearlyasstronglyaswiththeDriver.It’sanincrediblyimportantpartofyourselfthatyoumay tend toundervalue.Whenyou’reusingyour auxiliary cognitive function,you’reinwhatwecallyour“growthstate.”

WhiletheCopilotfunctionisalsoanaturaltalentforyou,youarelesslikelytobuildskill inthisprocessthanintheDriverprocess.It’susuallycircumstancesthat prevent development of the Driver, but with the Copilot, it’s your ownintroverted/extravertedattitudepreferencesthatgetintheway.

Ifyourecall,yourDriverprocess,dependingonyourtype,iseitherintrovertedorextraverted.YourCopilotprocessistheoppositeattitudebydesign;itallowsyou access to the other “world” as a form of balance. Being 100 percentintrovertedorextravertedwouldbeaformofpathology,andwedon’tknowifanyhealthypersonactuallyoccupiesthatspace.Butthatdoesn’tmeanyoudon’thaveastrongpreferenceforoneofthoseworlds,andtheprocessthatencourages

youtoexploretheotherworldmaybeseenasthreatening.

Ifyouaredeeplyintroverted,youmayavoidyourextravertedCopilottoevadeascary outer world that gives you sensory overload or negative feedback thatmakes you feel like your thoughts and feelings arewrong and that you aren’tenough. On the other hand, if you are highly extraverted, your introvertedCopilot may force you to face uncomfortable introspection, including painfulmemories, trauma you haven’t worked through, or unfamiliar and unexploredpartsofyourself.

HereintheCopilotseat,thereisalsoadifferencebetweentalentandskill.Youmight only use the Copilot’s talent when you absolutely need to, resulting inlimitedskilldevelopment.

It’sthecombinationoftheDriverandCopilotfunctionsthatgetsyouwhereyouwant to go. Remember, together theymeet all four needs a human has to becomplete:Oneof thesefunctionswillhaveanintrovertedattitudeandonewillhave an extraverted attitude; and, one of these functions will perceiveinformationandonewillmakejudgmentsonthatinformation.

ThismakesboththeDriverandtheCopilotfunctionscrucialfordevelopment.

Youwillalways favor theDriverover theCopilot,but themoreconscientiousworkyoudotodeveloptheCopilot,themoretractionyou’llgetasyougainthenecessary mechanisms for dealing with life: information gathering, decisionmaking,inner-worldintrospection,andouter-worldfeedback.

Wewill talkmore about using your Copilot cognitive function for growth incoming sections. For now, remember that this is usually your single bestleveragepointforgrowingyourself.

LearningPointPauseLet’s anchor what we’ve learned to apply it to the next section. Use thesequestionstohelpguideyou:

Your Driver function is

____________________________________________________________________________________.

Your Copilot function is___________________________________________________________________________________.

When looking at the Driver and Copilot, one needs to be introverted and theotherneedstobe___________________.

Brieflyexplain inyourownwordswhy it is important tohaveone introvertedfunctionandoneextravertedfunction.

When one function judges information, the other function_____________________________information.

Brieflyexplaininyourownwordswhyyouneedbothajudgingfunctionandaperceivingfunction.

Brieflyexplaininyourownwordsthedifferencebetweentalentandskill.

Why is skill development important for both the Driver and the Copilotfunctions?

10-Year-Old(Tertiary)

Youhaveapush/pullrelationshipwithyour10-Year-Oldprocess;itbothcrossesand supports each personality type. Sometimes you think you’re good at it,sometimesittripsyouup.Whenyou’reusingthe10-Year-Oldprocess,wecallitthe“defensiveposition.”

Thebackseatpassengers are less sophisticated than those in the front seat,butit’s important to remember theycanserveus inmanyways.We’vedecided tocall them“children”togiveasenseoftheirplaceinthe“family”offunctions:valued, loved, even contributing, but still childlike in their perspectives andcapabilities.Likechildren, thesefunctionscanhavemomentsofbrilliance,buttheyarelessexperiencedthantheirparentsareandtheygetoverwhelmedeasily.Andaschildrenoftendo,thesefunctionscanoverestimatetheirabilities.

The10-Year-Oldprocesscanbeahelperinmanyways,butonlyintheserviceofthefront-seatpassengers.Strikingtherightbalancebetweenthe10-Year-OldandtheCopilotprocessgreatlyenrichesaperson’slife.Whenthe10-Year-Oldserves theCopilot function, ithelpsapersonplanfor the future,gainpersonalinsight,andseekmeaningin life.TroublebrewswhentheDriverprocesscallsuponthe10-Year-OldinsteadoftheCopilot.

Whywould theDriverdo that?Because the10-Year-Oldallows theDriver tostay in its preferred attitude of extraversion or introversion. If you notice, theattitude of the 10-Year-Old matches that of the Driver. That is to say, if theDriver is introverted, the 10-Year-Old will be introverted. If the Driver isextraverted,the10-Year-Oldwillbeextraverted.So,itwillbeeasyforsomeonetoidentifywiththeir10-Year-Oldfunction,whichmatchestheattitudeoftheirprimaryfunction.

WhentheDriverskipsthewisdomoftheCopilot tofavorthatof the10-Year-Old,thisiscalledgettingcaughtinaloop,andyouwillonlybemeetingthreeofthe four needs of a complete person. You’ll be getting your perceiving andjudgingneedsmet,butifyou’reanIntrovert,you’llbemissingvitalextraverted

feedback,orifyou’reanExtravert,you’llloseoutonnecessaryintrospection.

It’stheequivalentoftwoparentsarguinginfrontoftheir10-Year-Oldkidwhenone of them turns to the kid to ask, “You agreewithME, right, Johnny?”Ofcourse,thekidagrees.Hedoesn’thaveenoughexperiencetodisagree,nordoesheknowthat it’s inappropriate for theadult tousehimas reinforcement.He’smoreflatteredthanappalledbecausehedoesn’tknowanybetter.

Ofcourse,noneof thismeans that the10-Year-Oldisabadpartofyou.It’saveryvaluablepart,asareallofthepiecesthatmakeupwhoyouare.Justlikeinanyfamily,youwouldloveandvaluethe10-Year-Old,butyouwouldn’ttrustitin the decision-making process. However, when two adults provide a unitedfrontandmaketherestofthefamilyawareoftheirdecisionorinsight,the10-Year-Old can lean into the relationship and add a helping hand, maybe evenprovidewisdominthat“kidssaythedarnedest things!”sortaway.Bythis,wemeanthatsometimes,your10-Year-Oldcanbeanunexpectedsourceofinsight.

Asyoureadyourtype’sprofileinSectionTwo,lookoutforwaystheDriverand10-Year-Oldcangetstuckinaloop.YoucanavoidtheseloopsifyousharpenyourCopilot by building skill in it as often as possible, especially during keymomentsoflife.

LearningPointPauseLet’s anchor what we’ve learned to apply it to the next section. Use thesequestionstohelpguideyou:

Your 10-Year-Old function is_______________________________________________________________________________.

WhyareyourDriverand10-Year-Oldlikelyto“joinforces”andgetcaughtinaloop?

IfyourDriverprocessisextraverted,your10-Year-Oldprocesswillbe

IfyourDriverprocessisintroverted,your10-Year-Oldprocesswillbe

Listthefourthingseachpersonneedstobeacompleteperson:

1)Needtogetintouchwiththeir______________________worldtoseeinsidethemselves.

2) Need to get in touch with their ______________________ world to seewhat’sgoingonoutsidethemselves.

3)Needto______________________informationtolearn.

4)Needto______________________informationtomakegooddecisions.

When you get caught in a Driver/10-Year-Old Loop, you only have met______________________ofthefourneedstobeacompleteperson.

Which function should you build skill around to avoid the loop in yourpersonality?

3-Year-Old(Inferior)The 3-Year-Old is the most unsophisticated part of you, and so you have atendencynottoseeit.Itofteninfluencesyoufromtheshadowsuntilitmakesitspresenceknown,usuallythroughinnerturmoil.Whenyou’reusingthe3-Year-Oldfunction,wecallitthe“blindspot.”

As the least sophisticated function in your stack, the 3-Year-Old processinfluencesyou in anumberofways, somegood and somebad.Youprobablywon’tidentifywithdescriptionsofyour3-Year-Oldcognitivefunction.Whenitexertsitsinfluenceonyouandyoufindyourselfinwhat’stechnicallycalleditsgrip,youmaybeappalledorembarrassedbyyourbehaviorandmakecommentslike“Iwasn’tmyself.”

Likebeingstuck in the loop,being in thegripof the3-Year-Oldoccurswhenyouarenotincontrolofyourpersonality-typedynamics.Thiscanbeevidentintwoprimarycircumstances:

1. WhentheDriverprocessisexhausted

2. Whenyou’veneglectedthe3-Year-Oldforfartoolonganditwillnolongerbeignored

You use the Driver process as often as possible. It’s the go-to tool in yourtoolbox,butit’snotalwaysthebesttoolforanygivenjob.

For example, with some time and practice, you can open a bottle with ascrewdriver, but a screwdriver is not designed for this use and you may getfrustratedifit’snotworking.ThesameistruewithyourDriverprocess.Youuseit foralmosteverything, including tasksforwhich itwasn’tdesigned.Usually,you justavoid thingsoutofyourwheelhouse,delegating them tootherpeoplewhenyoucanget awaywith it.But sometimes that’snotpossible, andyou’releft“usingascrewdrivertoopenabottle.”

If your Driver function becomes too exhausted while problem-solving anddoesn’t get a break, it will nod off at the wheel, so to speak. Your mindunconsciously knows that the best way to give yourDriver a break is to calluponitsoppositeprocess,theCopilot,providingitwithplentyofspacetorest.Butifyoudon’tpullovertothesideoftheroad,you’lljusthandthewheeltoa3-Year-Old,whichwillyieldpredictableresults.

Whenthishappens,youexperiencetantrums,breakdowns,andmomentsofpureparanoiaorparalysis.Thesearethemomentsyoudon’treallysharewithanyoneotherthanpeoplewhowillforgiveyouafterward,andifthesebehaviorsareseenin public, you feel deeply ashamed or embarrassed. They are your toddlermoments.

Fortunately, thesemoments are preventable if you understand the uniquewayyourown3-Year-Oldmanifests.Youcanlearntorecognizeyourredflags:themomentsyouneedtopullthecarovertothesideoftheroadtorestandletyour3-Year-Old run around a tree for a while. We’ll discuss this for each of theindividualpersonalitytypes.

The other scenariowhere youmight find yourself in the grip iswhen you’vebeenneglectingthe3-Year-Oldfortoolong.

We’vebeenlivingwithatoddler,ourdaughterPiper,forthepastfiveyears,andshe pretty much entertains herself when we’re driving…until she suddenlydemandsattention.Ifshehastocallforustoomanytimes,thebidsforattentionwillturnintowhining,thencrying,thenscreaming.

Your3-Year-Oldprocessworkssimilarly. Itwillallow itself tobe ignored forlongperiodsoftime,butnotindefinitely.Andyoureallydon’twanttoignoreitif it canbehelped.We recommendgiving it the sameattentionyouwouldanexerciseregimen—thirtyminutesaday,threedaysaweekatminimum.Wewillgiveyouspecificwaystodothisinthesectionforyourpersonalitytype.

Your3-Year-Oldfunctionisnotallbadnews.It’swhereyougetintouchwiththemost fragile,preciousaspectsofyourself. Italsoholdsyouraspirations,asonly a childwhohasn’t been touched by cynicism can.There are a couple ofreasonsforthis.

First,thechildlikepartofyouhaschildlikedreamsandlongings.Your3-Year-Old function has awonder and excitement that has truly never grownup. It’sunburdenedbythetrappingsofadulthood.

Second,therearechallengestheworldthrowsatyouthatpeopleofothertypesseemtosolveeffortlessly.Theymayhaveyour3-Year-Oldcognitivefunctionasa Driver or Copilot function, and they expertly apply that function to solvechallenges. But when you try to do the same, the function is insufficient andclumsyinyourhands.Foryoutosolvethesesamechallenges,youmusttakeadifferentapproach,whichisoftenacleverstrategythatyourDriverandCopilotcookup.

For example, an INTJ who has experienced challenges with their 3-Year-Oldfunction of Extraverted Sensing (Sensation) and finds themselves strugglingwith health and wellness may seek out non-traditional methods such ascryogenicfreezing.Thiswouldappeal totheirfuture-pacingDriverfunctionofIntrovertedIntuition(Perspectives),andthe“whateverworks”mentalityoftheirCopilot of Extraverted Thinking (Effectiveness). They may even discover acompletelynewstrategyofwellnessthatcanbesharedwiththepublic.

Like the INTJ in this example, your 3-Year-Oldweaknessmust be navigatedaround.Itbecomesacatalysttofindnewsolutionstochallengesyoupersonallyface.Itisthesourceofinventionandcreativity,andyoumaybeinapositiontogifttheworldwithyouringenioussolution.Whenreferringtohowyour3-Year-Oldinfluencesyouinthisway,itistechnicallycalledyouraspiration.

Ifyouseesomeoneworkingintheirpassion,purpose,ormission,there’salmostalways some aspect of their 3-Year-Old function whispering in their ear,breathingfireanddetermination,keepingthecoalsoftheirpurposewarm.Whenweutilizetheprocessasaguideforourlife’swork,we’reontherighttrack.

LearningPointPauseLet’s anchor what we’ve learned to apply it to the next section. Use thesequestionstohelpguideyou:

Your 3-Year-Old function is________________________________________________________________________________

Whatarethetworeasonspeoplemayfindthemselvesina3-Year-Oldgrip?

What are the two primary reasons that your 3-Year-Old function holds youraspirations?

Understandingtherelationshipeachofthesepositionshaswiththeothersiskeytooptimizingyourcognitivewiring.Inthenextchapter,wearegoingtodetailthecharacteristicsoftheeightfunctionsthemselves.

CHAPTER5

CognitiveFunctionsinDetail

Now that we’ve explored how to figure out your function stack and thedynamics between the cognitive functions, let’s discuss the functions inmoredetail.

AmajorpartofourmissionatPersonalityHackeristomakepowerfulconceptsaccessibleandsimple.Notbecausepeoplearen’tintelligent,butbecausepeoplearebusyandmanythingsvieforourattention.Wecameupwithnicknamestohelpmakeiteasiertograspthecognitivefunctions,asyoumayhavenoticedintheprevioustwochapters.Hereisaguide:

PerceivingFunctionsThere’s a classic storyof anelephant thatwasbrought to a town full ofblindpeople.Thetownspeoplehadneverheardofanelephantbefore.Theydecidedtousetheirsenseoftouchtoexplorethiscreatureanddetermineitscharacteristics.Thefirstmanplacedhishandsonthetailanddescribedtheelephantasarope.Awomanranherhandsupthelengthofthetrunkandclaimeditwaslikeasnake.A little boy standing to the side of the creature described it to the town as atexturedwall.Asmallgirlhuggedthelegandexplaineditas likeatreetrunk.Allwere experiencing the same creature from their unique perceptive vantagepoints,ages,heights,andunderstandings.

Weuseourperceivingfunctionstotakeininformationandperceiveourworld.Eachpersoniswiredtobeattractedtodifferentsourcesofstimulation.Similar

totheillustrationoftheblindpeopleandtheelephant,yourperceivingfunctioninformswhatyoubecomefocusedon,aswellashowyouexperienceit.Areyoupast, present, or futureoriented?Doyoupickupdetails in themoment,ordoyoucaptureinformationforlaterreview?Yourperceivingprocesspointstothethings thatareofgreatest interest toyouanddetermineswhenyouwillcollatetheinformationthatarrestsyourattention.

ExtravertedSensing:Sensation(Se)Sensation is the Driver of ESTPs and ESFPs. It is the Copilot of ISTPs andISFPs.

Whenyouliveforthepresentmoment,whenyoudon’tmissadetailofwhat’sgoingonaroundyouandyou’retappedintoallofyoursenses,you’reusingtheSensation process. Sensation is favored by people who want verifiableinformationtohelpthemdeterminethetruthofsomethingforthemselves.

IfyouidentifywithSensation,fromthetimeyouwerealittlekid,you’vehadanextraordinary ability to process sensory information.Not only do you processlargeamountsofsensorydata,youalsosee,taste,smell,feel,andhearnuancesother people miss. For example, people of your type are often extraordinarychefs, artists, andperformers.Youpickupahugearrayof subtlety in flavors,colors,musicalnotes,andphysicalmovements.

Sensation users have high kinesthetic awareness and strong body-mappingabilities.It’snotuncommonforSensationuserstoquicklyremaptheirbodiestoinclude tools like musical instruments, athletic equipment, weapons, andvehicles,making it appear as if these tools are simplyextensionsof theirownbodies.

Joel’sbrother,Jason,isanESFP.Hisrelationshipwithhisbodyhasalwaysbeenimpressive.Heeasilypickedupsnowboardingasateenager,makingdangerousand complicated maneuvers appear effortless. He can play multiple musicalinstrumentsthoughhehashadverylittleformaltraining.Nowinhislate30s,hehasbecomeapowerlifterandfitnesstrainerwhospendshoursadayinthegym.Herecentlydeadliftedover600lbs.

According to researchdonebyDarioNardi (author, speaker,andexpert in thefieldsofneuroscienceandpersonality),whenaSensationuserisobservedviaanEEGmachine,there’saphenomenonuniquetotheSensationprocesscalledthe“tennis hop.” Just like tennis players bounce from one foot to another toanticipate any possible trajectory of a tennis ball, someone favoring theSensationprocessisalwaysanticipatingtheneedtoact.There’snoneedtoover-complicateproblemsthatcanbedealtwithimmediately.Ifthereisnoactiontorespondto,theSensationprocesscanbecomefrustratedanddisinterested.Often,this feeling of anticipation encourages Sensation users—especially SensationDrivers—toinventaction.ManyemergencyearlyrespondersuseSensationasaDriverorCopilotprocess,asdomanyentertainersandathletes.

IntrovertedSensing:Memory(Si)MemoryistheDriverofISTJsandISFJs.ItistheCopilotofESTJsandESFJs.

As with Sensation, those who use Memory prefer reliable information. ButunlikeSensationusers,whotrustinformationinputsinrealtime,Memoryusersprefer to capture information for later review.What’smore reliable than bothexperiencing a situation and carefully ruminating on it, combing through thememoryforpersonalsignificance?

IfyouhaveastrongMemoryprocess,evenfromthetimeyouwerealittlekid,itwasvery important foryou todo thingscarefullyandcorrectly.Youprefer totakeyour timeand toconsiderhowyourcurrent experience is similar towhatyou’veexperiencedinthepast.

ThisiswhywecallthisprocessMemory.Acarefulandcautiouspersonseeksareliable source, andwhat’smore reliable thanwhat’s already happened?Overtime,peoplewithastrongMemoryprocesscandevelopanabsolutelyamazingmemoryforboththedetailsandimpressionsoftheirexperiences.Theyoftensaythatwhenthey’recaughtupinamemory,it’sasifthepastishappeningagain.Colors, feelings, smells, tastes, and sounds can be replicated with amazingaccuracy,andthesegetplacedinalargeRolodexofmemoriesyoucanreferencewhentheneedarises.

Memoryusersarealsoconcernedwithcarefulness,whichmanifestsinadesire

for safety andprecedence.There’s an imperative to do things the properway,butasMemoryisaperceivingprocess,Memoryusersdon’tcometoconclusionsabouthowthingsshouldbe.Rather,theseindividualsareinformationgatherersand look to experts and tradition to inform the judging process. If there’s astandardforhowsomethinghasbeendone,theywillusethatasareferenceforhowthingscouldcontinuetobedone.Thetendencytoorganizeinformation,notforevaluation,butforreference,givesMemoryusersthesuperpowerofcreatingproceduresandprocessesforreplication.

SinceMemory users are focused on review, they have a tendency to bemoreinterestedinthepastthanthepresent.Thepresentisinteresting,too,butcanbeoverwhelming.

AnISFJ friendofours,Scott, isabigHarryPotter fan,andJoelaccompaniedhimtotheHarryPotterexhibitatUniversalStudiosinOrlando,Florida,thispastyear. The first time through, Scott struggled to enjoy the experience, andeventually admitted that he was rather overwhelmed. He and Joel left for adifferentpartoftheparktograbadrinkandchillforafewminutes.Afteraboutanhour,Scottsaidhewantedtogobacktotheexhibit.He’dhadtimetopost-process the original experience and was then able to enjoy it muchmore thesecond time through.The initial impressionwassimply toomuch,butoncehecould integrate theexperience, itwas familiar, andhewasable toget into themoment.

Memory users recognize that not everyone picks up the same information topost-process. In particular, Memory Drivers are fairly open to individualidiosyncrasies people develop based on their unique experiences. A Memoryfriendofours regularly says, “Youcan tell a lot about apersonby the familytheywereraised in,”andforher, that’scompletely true.Memoryiscraftedbythe familiar, and its users tend to become masters of niche information andquirkycollectionsbasedonchildhoodimprints.

Attheirbest,Memoryusershavethegreatestnaturaltalentforacceptance.Trueacceptanceincludeslettinggoofjudgmentandblame(includingofoneself)andinstead addressing situations with tolerance and forgiveness, finding peacewithin.

ExtravertedIntuition:Exploration(Ne)ExplorationistheDriverofENTPsandENFPs.ItistheCopilotofINTPsandINFPs.

Exploration, as an intuitive process, relies on pattern recognition to speculatewhat’s going on behind the curtain. Unlike those who rely on the sensoryprocesses,whopreferreliableandverifiable information,Explorationusersaretotallycomfortablehypothesizingwhatcouldbe.

IfyoustronglyidentifywithExploration,eversinceyouwerealittlekid,you’vebeen driven tomesswith your environment in order to figure out how thingswork.Youviewedtheentireworldasalaboratoryfilledwiththingstodiscover.This gave you an interesting advantage, since it allowed you to watch howpatterns emerged from the various buttons you pushed. It also helped you seerelationships between things that other people didn’t even realize wereconnected.

Asyou’vematuredandbecomemoresophisticatedinbothyourexperiencesandlearning, so has the Exploration process. Over time, the world has become ahugespiderwebofconnectionsandrelationships,andyou’vegottenreallygoodat both seeing these connections and speculating on how things could beconnected.Andtheprocesshasgottenfaster.

As an extraverted process, Exploration involves pattern recognition in theoutside world. The easiest way to spot new patterns is to mess with theenvironment: pull levers, push buttons, walk in restricted areas. These can bemisinterpreted as acts of rebellion, but they’re really attempts to interrupt thecurrentpatternseveryoneseemstobetakingforgranted.There’snothingmoresatisfyingtoExplorationusersthanfindingnewwaystodooldthings.

WearebothExplorationDrivers,andhavenoticedthatwhenpeopletelljokes,we’ve discovered the punchline before they can deliver it. Since we can’tcarefullyverifyinformationwhilealsoaccessinginformationatthesespeeds,weend up speculating a lot. We often trust our gut instincts about people andopportunities. Sometimes we’re terribly wrong, but more often than not, ourspeculationsbearout.

Questions startingwith “What if…”generate deeply satisfying discussions forusers of Exploration. There’s nothing quite like a brainstorming conversationwithagroupofcreativepeople,allfuriouslywritingideasonawhiteboard.

Someonewho identifies with Exploration becomes bored if situations are toofamiliar. Repetitive tasks can become mind-numbing and maddening, and anExplorationusermaychangeaperfectlyworkable system just toprevent theirownboredom.

IntrovertedIntuition:Perspectives(Ni)Perspectives is theDriverof INTJs and INFJs. It is theCopilotofENTJs andENFJs.

LikeExploration,Perspectives is an intuitiveprocess that involves looking forcomplexpatterns.Itisanintrovertedprocess,however,andisinwardlyfocused,recognizingpatternsinsidethemind.Thiscanbedifficult toexplain,andevenPerspectivesusershavetroubleputtingtheirownprocessintowords.

Thenumberofdifferentpatterns insideofus isonly limitedby thenumberofhumans on the planet. But there are patterns to these patterns, and thePerspectives user naturally enjoys digging into the different ways peopleinterpretreality.

IfyouidentifystronglywithPerspectives,evenfromthetimeyouwerealittlekid, you’ve been at least a little removed or disconnected from your ownperspective. This gave you an interesting advantage, since it allowed you towatchhowyourmindformedconnections.Overtime,asyouwatchedyourownmindmakingconnections,youalsostartedtoseepatternsemerge.Everypersoncreates their own unique pattern for how they experience the world. Byobservingotherpeopleexhibitthesamepatternsthatyouhadwatchedyourownmindform,youbegantofigureouttherewasapatterntothepatterns.

Perspectives users naturally shift perspectives to solve problems until thesolutionbecomesclear.IftheybecomeadeptatusingPerspectives,theymaybeable toguessatanotherperson’smood,problem,ormindset.Theotherpersonmight feel uncomfortable about the accuracy of the Perspectives user’s

speculation,almostasifthatpersonwereusingESP.

Our friendCharis,an INFJ, toldusofadreamshehadrelated toourbusinessthat heavily featured an octopus. Within six months, a business opportunitypresented itself in theformofanentitynamedTako, intentionallynamedafterthe Japanese word for octopus. While it may have been entirely incidental,experiencing andmakingmeaning from synchronicities is the natural focus ofPerspectivesusers.

The ability of Perspectives users to notice these internal patterns and followthem has been likened to a bloodhound on the scent. If they lose the scent,becomedistracted,orgetthrownofffromobservinganewa-ha,itcouldbelostforever.This iswhyPerspectives users often seek alone time to get their bestcreativethinkingdone.

In contrastwith thosewho identifywith Sensation,who seem to have excessenergyandarealwayslookingforopportunitiestoexpendit,Perspectivesuserslack energy and are always looking for ways to conserve it. Living in themomentandbeingreactiveisamassiveenergysuck.PeoplewhoidentifywithPerspectives teach themselves the strategy of future-pacing (using mentalimagerytopredictfutureoutcomes)inordertoidentifylow-staminaactionsthatwill have a big impact. Over time, Perspectives users unconsciously integratefuture-pacingasawayofunderstandinglife,makingitthemostfuture-orientedofthefourperceivingfunctions.

JudgingFunctionsThe judging functions are what we use to make decisions and evaluateinformation. When we make “should” statements, they are the result of ourjudging functions determining how the world should operate, how we shouldthink,howweshouldtreateachother,andwhatourvaluesshouldbe.

ExtravertedThinking:Effectiveness(Te)EffectivenessistheDriverofENTJsandESTJs.ItistheCopilotofINTJsandISTJs.

Effectivenessisthefunctionthatasks,“Doesthiswork?”Whensystemsneedtobeputinplacetoaccomplishgoals,it’sEffectivenessthatfiguresitout.Whenyou see how resources can be managed and manipulated to make somethinghappen, and when you’re making a cost/benefit analysis, you’re usingEffectivenessasdecision-makingcriteria.

IfyoustronglyidentifywithEffectiveness,fromthetimeyouwerealittlekid,you’vebeenawareofwhatworksandwhatdoesn’twork,whatpassestestsandwhat fails them.Theultimate goal is to be effective—todesign a systemor atoolthatworksinthefaceofchangingcircumstancesandconditions.Youmayhaveevenbeenconsidereddestructiveasachild,butyouknowyourgoalwasn’ttoruinthings(thoughsometimesagoodexplosionisdeeplysatisfying).Itwasto discover the stress point of objects and systems, to tag that information forlaterwhenitwasyourturntoproduceobjectsandsystems.

McDonald’sfranchisesaround theworldprimarilyemploy teenagersandotherpeople with limited work experience. Despite this, McDonald’s restaurantsremain some of the most lucrative franchise businesses to own. Why? Thesystems themselves are soelegant and soeffective that they requirevery littleindividualtalenttomaintain.

Peoplewho use Effectiveness are farmore driven by outcomes than personalfeelings. Getting an outcome accomplished means orchestrating a lot ofresources, and when an Effectiveness user is in project-management mode,people can become resources, too. That doesn’t mean they’re cold-hearted.Beingable tomake the toughcall isagift,andEffectivenessusersunderstandthatpersonalfeelingsgetinthewayofmakingthingshappen.They’rewillingtobethebadguyinordertoservethecommongood,andmanyEffectivenessusershave been willing to risk demonization by society in order to do the “rightthing.”

Thatmeansconsideringoptionsthatotherpeoplemayfinddistasteful.Personalfeelingsarefickleandclashwitheachother.So,atdecisiontime,ittakesathickskin to make a choice that is bound to offend someone’s sensibilities. Thisincludesbeingwillingto“stresstest”bothpeopleandsituations.

Antonia’sbrotherTy,anENTJ,used tomakespaceshipsoutofLegosonly toimmediatelydestroythemwithindustrial-sizerubberbandshehadfromhisjob

as apaperboy.Hewasn’t trying to ruinhis creation.Hisgoalwas to seehowmuch impact the spaceship could withstand in order to make the best, moststurdyversion.Ifthespaceshipcouldn’tpassthetestofarubberbandassault,itfailed.Ifthewingfelloff,thatmeantthewingmustbereinforced.Ifthewheelscollapsed,thentheywouldhavetobeattachedbetter.Oncetheweaknesseshadbeenexposedandimprovedupon,hisnextspaceshiphadallthecomponentstheoriginalshipwasmissing. If in thenextbarrageof rubberbands thespaceshipheldup,thenthestructurepassed.

Fromthisdesiretotestandimproveisbornafascinationwithmeasurementsofallkinds.Aristotle’spositionwasthatifsomethingwasn’tmeasurable,itwasn’tcontrollable,and thereforenot real.This is thebasic tenetofpeople that sharetheEffectiveness process.What can bemeasured can be controlled, andwhatcanbecontrolledcanbemadetopassanyteststhatitmaycomeacross.

Attheirbest,Effectivenessusersmobilizelargeteamsofpeopleandresourcestoaccomplishtrulyremarkablethings.CEOpositionsandthemilitary’stopbrassareteemingwithEffectivenessuserswhofindnothingsosatisfyingascheckingboxesofftheirto-dolists.

IntrovertedThinking:Accuracy(Ti)Accuracy is the Driver of INTPs and ISTPs. It is the Copilot of ENTPs andESTPs.

Accuracyusersask,“Doesthismakesense?”Whendataisincongruentorwhenit doesn’t add up, you’re using Accuracy to sort it out. When you make adecision based upon logical analysis at the cost of beloved personal truths orsocialconventions,you’reusingAccuracyasdecision-makingcriteria.

Accuracy is far more driven by facts than by people. Personal desires andemotionsget in thewayofcleandata,andinorder topursuelogic,sometimesother people become data points. But Accuracy users aren’t necessarily cold-hearted. Seeking truth is the ultimate virtue, but everyone’s interpretation oftruthissubjective,asanyAccuracyuserwilltellyou.

Ifyoustrongly identifywith this function, fromthe timeyouwerea littlekid,

you were extremely aware of incongruities and inconsistencies, especiallyinconsistenciesof thought.Whenyouwereyounger, thisusuallyshowedupasthe difference betweenwhat people said andwhat they did. If an adult or anauthority figure gave you a command but did not observe this commandthemselves, the discrepancy was immediately obvious to you, and you feltcompelledtopointitout.

People of your type often report that they were called disrespectful and anti-authoritarian as children. This wasn’t the intent. The intent was to haveconsistencyofthought,andifanauthorityfigurecouldhaveexplainedinaclearwaywhytheyasanadultdidn’thavetofollowthesamerulesaschildren,thenallwouldhavebeenforgiven.Butexplanationslike“becauseI’mtheadult”or“because I’m in charge” didn’t really fly.As you can guess,Accuracy is alsowhere you get your sense of fair play.Accuracy, at its core, is looking to fixinconsistencies,andthatmeanssortingthroughalotofideallyunpolluteddatatosee as clear apicture aspossible.People’s emotions are sticky—definitelynotunpolluted.So,whenitcomestodecisiontime,emotionstakeabackseat.

An archetypal example of Accuracy is the child in the classic fairy tale TheEmperor’s New Clothes, a story that illustrates how society can collectivelyfavorgroupdelusiontomaintaineachindividual’spersonalpositionandstatus.In the story, the child points outwhat is obvious to him—that the emperor isnaked—disregarding the fear of going against the collective delusion. Socialposition,personaldesires,andfearofcensurearecompletelyunimportanttohiminthefaceoflogicandobservablefact.

At their best,Accuracyuserswill look at their ownminds to cull informationandbeliefsthatdon’tpasstheirstringentcriteria.Likeacomputerprogrammerspottingbugs,Accuracyusersseektoremovealllinesofcodethatcouldcorruptthe rest of the program. If you’re mistaken and an Accuracy-oriented personcorrects you, it’s not personal. They honestly would want that informationthemselvesandtheyexpectyoutowantit,too.

ExtravertedFeeling:Harmony(Fe)HarmonyistheDriverofENFJsandESFJs.ItistheCopilotofINFJsandISFJs.

Harmony users ask, “Is everyone getting their needs met?” Knowing howinterpersonal dynamics impact the culture of a room, family, and society as awholeistheprovinceofHarmony.

Harmonyuserspossessanalmostuncannyabilitytounderstandsocialdynamics,unwrittensocialrules,andculture.Thisemergesfromalifetimeoffocusingoneveryone’s feelings and needs. Since it’s impossible to meet every singleperson’sneedsallthetime,Harmonyusersinsteadsetupconditionstomeettheneedsofthecollective.Thisoftenmanifestsasetiquette.

IfyoustronglyidentifywithHarmony,evenfromthetimeyouwerealittlekid,you’ve had other people’s emotions on your radar, especially what theyapproved anddisapprovedof.This gaveyou an interesting advantage, since itallowedyoutoquicklyreadotherpeople’sresponsesinavarietyofsituations.

Asyoumaturedandbecamemoresophisticatedinyourexperienceandlearning,sodidtheHarmonyprocess.Forexample,itmayhavestartedoutbyregisteringthe approval yourmother gaveyouwhenyoupresentedherwith a handful offlowersyoupicked.Youstoredthatinformationforlater,andasyouaged,yourealized it wasn’t just your actions that have significance for other people. Infact, you learned that everyone’s actions are interconnected and warrant anemotional response. Your ability to read a single person’s approval anddisapprovalgrewtounderstandingentiresocialsystemsbetweenpeople.

This process continues to encompass more and more people: understandingschooldynamics,corporatesettings,andeventually,entirecultures.That’swhypeopleofyourtypecanspotthehighest-statuspersoninaroomveryquickly,aswellasintuitivelycomprehendthesocialrulesweexpecteveryonetoabideby.

Oprah,whowesuspecttobeanENFJ,isanexcellentexampleoftheHarmonyfunction.Sheinviteseveryonetobenefitfromherhospitality,andshe’screatedarabid fanbasedoing so.She ismasterful atbringinganaudience togetherandhelpingthemmeettheirneedsbyintroducingthemtoexpertswhocanhelptheminareasoftheirlives.

Harmony users determine the value of information they’re given based onwhetheritbringspeopletogetherorbreaksconnection.They’rehesitanttopassinformationalong thatwillhurtsomeone’sfeelings,even if that information is

true.Whentheymustconfrontanotherperson,theywilloftengotogreatlengthstobediplomatic.At theirbest, they’re thequintessential “hosts”of theworld:warm,inviting,andwiredtokeepmoralehigh.

IntrovertedFeeling:Authenticity(Fi)Authenticity is theDriverof INFPsandISFPs. It is theCopilotofENFPsandESFPs.

Authenticity asks, “Does this feel right to me?” When we need to make adecisionthat is trueandhonest towhoweare, it’sAuthenticitythatguidesus.Whenyouunderstandhowanactionorwordwillimpactthesubjectivehumanexperience,orwhenyoufeelconviction,you’reusingAuthenticityasdecision-makingcriteria.

ThearchetypeofthereluctantherofitswellwiththeAuthenticityfunction:thehumble and ordinary person, thrust into circumstances “bigger” than they are,compelledtofacetheextraordinarybasedsolelyonapersonalresponsibilitytogood,stayingtothebitterendeveniftheydon’tmakeitoutalive.

Authenticity users are far more driven by personal conviction than any otherconsideration.Infact, it issometimesdifficult tomotivateanAuthenticityuserunlesstheyarepersonallytouchedorinspired.Oncecommitted,however, theyareapowerhouseandoftentimesunstoppable.

Ifyou strongly identifywithAuthenticity, from the timeyouwerea littlekid,you’vebeenextremelyawareof theemotional impacteventshaveonyouasaperson, or how they make you feel. As you matured and became moresophisticated inyour experience and learning, sodid theAuthenticity process.Sinceyou’veexperiencedavarietyofsituationswithavarietyofresponses,thenyourtype,morethananyother,comestounderstandthehugearrayandnuanceofhumanmotivations.

Conflicting emotions within the Authenticity user represent different hopes,fears, desires, and agendas.AsAuthenticitymatures, it learns to interactwiththeseinnervoicesasacounsel,withtheegoattheheadofthetable.Itlearnstolistenforthedeepestethic,evenifthereareotherdissentinginternalvoicesand

motivations.Atitsmostrefined,Authenticityavoidsbecominghijackedbymoreexpedientordemandinginnervoicesinthecounsel.

InthefinalbattlesceneofthemovieReturnoftheJedi,LukeSkywalker(whowesuspecttobeanINFP)hastodeterminewhichmotivationwillwinoutinaformidable and pivotal moment.Which voice will he listen to? The one thatwantsrevengeinbehalfofhisfriends?Theonethatisseducedbypower?Thevoicethatispainedandangeredbyanabandoningfather,ortheonethatstaystrue to the ethics molded by his Jedi training andmentors? In the end, Lukefollowshishighestethicandtheothermotivationsmustfallinlinebehindit.

Conviction can take Authenticity users in idealistic directions, believingsomething to be possible because they first felt it on the inside. Outsideconsiderations are not nearly as interesting or compelling as internal feelings,and so they are often strangers, or even blind, to metrics. A dream can beaccomplishedbecausetheybelieveitcanbe,andotherswillstandinadmirationasanAuthenticityusermovesmountainstoaccomplishtheirvision.

Throughout thisbook,wediscuss theuniqueabilityAuthenticityusershaveas“emotionalaikido.”MoriheiUeshiba,thefounderofthemartialartaikido,oftendescribed this art as being like the flow of water, moving gently aroundobstacles,workingwiththecurrentratherthanfightingagainstit.Aikidoaimstoturnanger,defensiveness,andthetendencytomeetaggressionwithaggressioninto compassion, empathy, and even love. Thosewhomaster theAuthenticityfunctionfindthemselveshavingasimilareffectonotherpeople.Theyareabletoworkwithothersandtheirownemotionalenergiestocreatequalitiesthataremorepositive.Attheirbest,theyareatrueinspirationtoothers,congruentwithalloftheirinnervoicesandalignedtowardamission.

TheGoodNewsandBadNewsWe’veexplainedthefoundationofeachfunctionandwhatitlookslikewhenit’sbeingusedwell.However, two thingswill impacthow thecognitive functionsshowup: theemotionalandmentalhealthof thepersonusingthefunctionandthedevelopmentofthecognitivefunctionitself.

Ifyouremotionalormentalstateisundevelopedorunhealthy,youmayuseyour

cognitivefunctionsasaweapon.Thosewhoarenaturallytalentedatwieldingahammer can use it to build a house or to bludgeon someone to death. Thehealthieryouare,themorelikelyyouaretousethetoolsinyourcognitivetoolbeltforbuilding.Thelesshealthyyouare,themorelikelyyouareto“bludgeonothers”withyournaturaltalents.

Here’s a quick guide to how each cognitive function looks in its healthy andunhealthystates:

As we walk through each of the sixteen Myers-Briggs personality types inSectionTwo,askyourself:

1. “HowcanIutilizemycognitivefunctionsinhealthyways?”

2. “HowcanIexercisemyfunctionstobetterserveothersandmyself?”

SectionTwo

THESIXTEENTYPES

Now let’s dive deeper into the sixteenMyers-Briggs personality types.Whileeachofthesixteentypeshasrecognizablepatternsofthoughtandbehavior,youexperienceyourtypeasauniqueindividual.Soeachchapterhasrecommendedexercisesand journalprompts toencourageunderstandingandgrowthforyourpersonalitytypeinyouruniqueexpression.

Asmentionedearlier,thereisredundancyintheseupcomingchapters.Fortypesthat share the same cognitive functions, similar language has been used todescribe both the characteristics and the exercises recommended for growth.This was a stylistic choice to allow you, the reader, to focus on your typedescriptionwithanuninterruptedflow,withoutneedingtoconstantlyreferenceotherpartsofthebook.

CHAPTER6

ENTPPersonalityType

ENTPshaveadeepdesiretocontributethroughinnovativethought.Theyoftenwork out their ideas through debate, which can at times appear to be a self-centeredneedtoproclaimtheflawedthinkingofothers.Butat theircore, theyareteachersandmechanicsofdifficultconcepts.

If a subject is toocomplex, theENTPsimplifies it for their audience. If it’s adifficult truth, they make it funny to cushion the blow. ENTPs see theimportance, as well as the absurdity, of a shared reality. They recognize thatpeople actually want good data and information. They become comedians,coaches, inventors, and teachers tomaneuver around social resistances andhitthetargetofwhatpeoplewillaccept.

ENTPsmaybecomejadedorcynicaliftheyreceivetoomuchhostileornegativefeedbackinresponseto thetruths theyattempt to impart.Theymightnothavethe self-awareness to recognize that their harsh reactions are still attempts toconnect with others. If allowed to fester for too long, ENTPs may resort tocavalier or even caustic behavior as an attempt to reflect the absurd nature ofrealitybacktohumanity.

ENTPs can develop strategies for teaching hard truths while remainingconnectedtopeoplebyfirstlearningtobebrutallyhonestwiththemselves.Oncetheycando this, their radicalhonestywithothers isbetter received,because itmeetstherigorousstandardstheENTPsets.

TheENTPDriverIsExploration(Ne)It’s important toremember that theExplorationprocess isa talent.Thismeansthatnot everyENTPwillhave the sameskill leveloruse it inahealthyway.DevelopingExplorationasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingENTP.

Exploration,whendevelopedandsharpened,allowsyouthreeveryuniquegifts.It lets you identify patterns, possibilities, and opportunities; gives youexcitement,fuel,andoptimism;andhelpsyouleavecomfortzonestoenterintonew,undiscoveredterritory.

PatternRecognition

Exploration, as an intuitive process, uses advanced pattern recognition to seeconnections other people miss. It wants to know what’s going on behind the

curtain,whatitcan’tdirectlyaccess.Asitgetsmoresophisticated,Exploration’spredictivepowers improve,and theExplorationusereventuallybecomesadeptatnotonlyseeingwhatothersmiss,butimaginingwhatcouldexist.Whiteboardsessions,ormeetingswhereideasaresharedandbuiltuponwithothercreativeminds, aremomentswhere this ability truly shines. Feeding off the energy ofother people’s suggestions, Exploration will come up with truly novel anduniqueideasthattransformthemundaneintotheextraordinary.

But pattern recognition gets better over time only if the Exploration user letsthemselves experience theworld at large.Reading and researching are part ofthe process, but they are not a complete expression of Exploration. Theorieshavetobeactedupontogetreal-worldfeedback,andifthetheorywaswrong,ithastoberevised.

Exploration benefits from the process of testing and iterating. When theExploration user finds that they arewrong, they view it as an opportunity forexpanding their understanding, learning even greater possibilities, andtransforming this amazing talent into real opportunities. Instead of gettingdefensivewhen they learn their original ideawaswrong, theENTP can say amental“thanks!”totheuniverseforgivingthemthegiftofcalibration.

ExerciseGet good at pattern recognition by making quick predictions about how amysterymoviewillend.Mysterymoviesfollowalimitedsetofplottwists.UseyourExplorationprocesstonotonlypredictanindividualmovie’sending,buttoidentifythetypesofplottwistsmoviescriptsuse.

ReflectionNamethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobeaccurate:

Namethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobewrong:

ThenexttimeI’mwrong,I’mgoingtolearntoenjoytheprocessby:

Excitement,Fuel,andOptimismTheExplorationfunctionburnsalotoffuel,soitmustalsogeneratealotfuel.According toDarioNardi, author ofNeuroscience of Personality, ExtravertedIntuitionis thecognitivefunctionthat takes thelongest toget intoaflowstatebut,oncethere,it’sthemostdifficulttoslowdown.

ENTPs are wired to have energy to burn when they tap into the Explorationfunction.Theyrideon the feelingofoptimismandbeing fullyengaged.Thereare so many things the world has to offer, so many possibilities forimprovement.Thesheerbrightnessofitallcanbecontagious.

There can be challenges, of course. Possibility thinking can be seen asthreateningtosomepeople,andthosewhouseExplorationmayfeeltheyhavetofight to represent it.Fortunately,Exploration is unfazedbynegative feedback.Itsjobisn’ttoacceptdefeatbuttoseeallthedifferentwaystomakesomethinghappen.

The greatest gift ENTPs can give themselves is permission to continue usingExplorationinthefaceofopposition.PartofExploration’sgeniusisfindingnewways to present itself. If one style doesn’twork, itwillmodify its strategy tobecomewhatthesituationneedsittobe.ThisiswhyExplorationusersareoftenhighlycharismatic.

Exercise

Keep lifeexciting!Asimpleexercise is topractice jumpingoutofbed. In themiddleoftheday,laydownunderyourcoversandsetyouralarmfor1minute.Whenthealarmgoesoff,jumpoutofbedfastandputahugesmileonyourface.Dothisseventimesinarow.Immediatelyfollowthisexercisewithanactivityyou love and look forward to doing. Each day for seven days, practice thistechnique. By the end of the week, see if you are jumping out of bed in themorning,too.

ReflectionNamethemostexcitingthinginyourliferightnow:

Namesomethingthatalwaysgivesyoujoy, justbythinkingaboutit.Howcanyou include this in your life every single day?Be creativewith how you canintroduce this activity daily:

LeavingComfortZones

Exploration loves novelty and blazing new trails. It faces six-foot-tall grassholding a machete, screaming, “tigers be damned!” Getting fully into thisfunction means being willing to leave comfort zones, physically,psychologically,andemotionally.

It can be difficult if circumstances seem to be hindering adventure.But as anENTP, it’s important to make sure you engage in some novelty every day.Exploring theworld gives the ENTP true open-mindedness. Beliefs and ideasENTPsmaybeattachedtomustbereevaluatedin thefaceofnewinformationandpatterns.

Conveniently,ascomfortzonesareexpanded,anxietyandfearoftheunknown

turnintotheexcitementofwhatcouldbe.Allgrowthhappensoutsideofcomfortzones,andthefeelingofgrowingcanbecomeahealthyaddiction.ENTPsknowthey’vefullydevelopedthisfunctionwhengrowthbecomesthenewnormal.

ExercisePractice getting out of your comfort zone by seeking out new situations youwouldnotnormallypursue. If there’saquestionofdoingsomething that feelsright to you, but may include some hassle or an “unsafe” element, practicetaking the risk insteadofplaying it safe. It’scommonforpeopleofyour type,oncetheygetpastthescarypartofanewexperience,tosay“Wasthatit?”Mostofyourgrowthhappensbybeingadventurous and lettinggoof thebelief thatyoumustlivethewayotherswantyoutolive.

ReflectionToday,Iwillgetoutsideofmycomfortzoneby:

Iwillmakethisadailypracticeby:

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofExplorationisthemundane.Explorationisfueledbynoveltyandnewexperiences.Ifday-to-daylifehasbecomeroteorisinarut,theenergyoftheExplorationfunctionwillrunoutasifithasaslowleak.

AsyourENTPDriver,Explorationisyourflowstate,andifyou’renotusingthisprocessenough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofenergyandmaybecomedepressed.Setupyourdailyconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Forexample,ifeachdayseemstobebleedinginto thenext,addnovelty to itbytakinganewclass,gatheringfriends foran idea-generatingconversation,eatingatanexoticrestaurant,or simplygetting lost inanewpartofyourcity thatyou’llhave tonavigate back from. Starting a daring new project or entrepreneurial endeavorwillrequiretheneedtobeinnovativeeveryday.

When the Exploration function is young, Exploration users can be unrealisticaboutthemselves,others,andtheworld.Hungryforopportunityandperpetuallyoptimistic, they may take on too much, becoming overwhelmed. YoungExplorationDriversexpecttoomuchoutofthemselvesandotherpeopleandaredisappointedwhennooneseemstobemeetingtheirpotentialfastenough.Theycanbecallousandhavetroubleunderstandingtheirtrueimpactonotherpeople.Without ballast, they struggle with time management, irresponsibility, andboredom.

ENTPsandENFPsespeciallymustrecognizethattheonlytimechangehappensis when they work with the system. There is benefit in both optimism andmaking a sober assessment. These types can increase their impact by beingfocused,accurate,andgrounded.

ReflectionThetalentsExplorationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseExplorationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopExplorationmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheENTPCopilotIsAccuracy(Ti)Without an introverted judging process, the ENTP is not complete. Withoutdeveloping a strong inner character, theENTPwill become overly reactive tofeedbackfromtheworld.Theymaybetoosusceptibletopressurefrompeersorfamily members, simultaneously feeling a need to be rebellious and overlycompliant.

AnintrovertedjudgingprocessempowerstheENTPtofindtheirownsenseofintegrity,removebeliefsthatarelimitingorillogical,andcallouttruthsthatareobvioustothembutignoredbyothers.

It’simportanttorememberthat,liketheDriverfunction,theCopilotprocessisatalent.Butthatdoesn’tmeaneveryENTPwillhavethesameskillleveloruseitin a healthy way. Developing Accuracy as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingENTP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanintrovertedfunctionasanExtravert.For

anENTP,workingonAccuracywon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonExploration,sodisciplineandafocusontherichrewardsAccuracybringswillbekey.

PruneOutLogicalInconsistenciesandIncongruitiesPeoplewith a strongAccuracy process often have no problem slicing throughemotionally difficult circumstances in order to see the situation as presented.Accuracyusershavetheabilitytospotlogicalfallaciesandbiases.Thatsaid,it’sfar easier to see other people’s biases than our own. The more an ENTPdevelopsAccuracy,themorethefunctionwillenableanENTPtospottheirownbiasesanddissonance.

Accuracy is a subjective function. Thismeans theAccuracy user asks, “Whatmakessensetome?”Whenthefunctionisinitsinfancy,itcanrationalizenearlyanything.Overtime,astheprocessdevelopsandmatures,Accuracyusersbeginspotting incongruitiesnotonly inwhatothersaresaying,butalso in theirownthinking.Likeaprogrammerworkingthroughlinesofcode,anAccuracyuser’sfirstjobistocleanupcorruptscriptwithintheirownmind.

Thiscanbechallenging.Onceamental code isdiscovered tobe faulty, it canseemlikethemindisbeingrippedapartinanefforttodismantletheflawedidea.Thismaymanifestasanexistentialcrisis,andcanbeasemotionallyimpactfulasthedeathofalovedone.ButthemoreyoubuildtheskillofAccuracy,themoresurvivablethesurgicalremovaloffaultycodebecomes.Eventually,therewardsofcleanthinkingarefelt,andremovingcognitivedissonanceandbiasbecomespartofyouridentityasanENTP.

ReflectionWhatiftherewerenorightanswers,onlybetterquestions?Ifyouwereabletocraftyourownideasfromscratch,whatwouldtheybe?Doyoufearlosingyourcompetencyifyouloseyourthoughts?Canyouevertrulylosewhoyouare,orareyouconstantlychanging,anyway?

Atitsbest,Accuracylearnstosay,“Idon’tknow,”withoutbeingdisturbedbyuncertainty.Reflectonthefollowingquestions:

WhatthoughtorbeliefhaveInotbeenlookingattoocarefully?IfIlookedatitcritically,woulditsurviveanhonestanalysis?DoIfearlettingitgo?WhatelsewouldIhavetolookatcriticallyifIletthisonego?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthisbeliefby:

IntegrityandRadicalHonesty

Well-developedAccuracy allows you to express truths nomatter how hurtfultheycanbe.Whiletruthcanhurt,itdoesn’thavetobeunkindorcruel.Infact,Accuracy users intend to be kindwhen speaking harsh truths, and are usuallyappreciativewhenothers do them the service of beinghonest.Accuracyuserswould much rather know the truth now than be deluded and taken off guardlater.

Young Accuracy users can feel like they’re always on the wrong side of theconversation. It’s not uncommon for ENTPs to get the feedback that they’realways saying thewrong thing or being offensive. Theworld has a push-pullrelationshipwith the ideaof truth, andENTPs can sometimes find themselvesgraspingathowtosaysomething.

Asthefunctionmatures,however,Accuracybecomeslessaboutforcingtruthonothersanddevelopsaskillinsharingtruths.Completetruthsarealmostalwayswelcomedbyothers,andeventuallyENTPsgetbetteratgivingcontexttotheirmessages.ENTPsoftenmastertheartofcomedyasawaytodeliverthesetruthswhilebreakingdownresistances.

It’s also important for ENTPs to develop radical honesty with themselves,

ensuringthattheystaytruetotheirvalues.Sometimesthatmeansbeinghonestabout what their values truly are, especially if they differ from conventionalsociety’s,aswellasowningup to transgressionsandmistakes.However, ifanENTPhasn’tfirstbeenhonestwiththemselves,thentheirviewscaninsteadbeantisocialopinions,whicharerarelywelcome.

ExerciseObserve howoften you lie to other people.According to a study done by theUniversityofMassachusettsatAmherst,60percentofpeopletellanaverageoftwotothreeliesinaten-minuteconversation.

Forexample,whenpeopleaskhowyou’redoing,doyouanswerhonestly?Doyoufeigninterestinconversationsthatareboringtoyou?Doyouhidethetruthtoavoidhurtfeelings?Whileyouwatchyourselflieinconversation,don’tjudgeor justify yourself by saying, “I have to lie in this situation because....” Justobserve.

Now that you’vewatched the differentways you tend to lie, turn this inward.Watch how often you lie to yourself. Keep a finger on the pulse of yourcognitivedissonance.

ReflectionHowcouldIbemorehonestwithothersandmyself?AmIwillingtospeakthetruthevenifit’shurtful?DoothersfindmecondescendingwhenIdothis?HowcanIlearntospeakcompletetruths?

FocusandMastery

Accuracy offers an amazing ability to focus, which is represented in a hugevariety ofways. It’s seen in the best athletes, philosophers, andmechanics.Abasketball player using Accuracy can spend endless hours practicing 3-pointshots, ever so slightly altering the angle of their wrist until they can shoot aperfect3-pointshoteachtime.Thissametalentstartswithnoticingincongruitiesof thoughts as a child. The same process takes place in themind and on thecourt:Whensomethingdoesn’tlineup,keepworkinguntilitlinesupperfectly.Philosophersand scientistsoftenuseAccuracywhenbreakingdown ideasandbeliefs.

It’s important todiscipline themind to focusonmasteringpractical skills,notsimply pleasurable activities. It’s easy to focus on things that are fun andengaging, but ENTPsmake a true differencewhen they can use their skill offocus on mundane or “boring” activities. Using focus and skill mastery toimproveyourselfandfulfilldutiescreatesarewardinglife.

ExerciseWhenwefocusoureyes,wezeroinonasingleobjectandalloweverythingelsetobecomefuzzyaroundit.Thatobjectbecomesveryclearandsharp,andifwefocus long enough,we’ll begin to see the object in detail. All of the object’spartsbecomeobvious.

Dothiswithyourmind.Workonaproblemwhileallowingeverythingoutsidethe problem to become fuzzy.This could be anything from trying tomaster amusicalrefraintoworkingoutacomplexmathematicalproblem.Asyouspendmore time focusing your attention, you will start to see its parts, such as thenotesintherefraintotheformulasofthemathproblem.

ReflectionHowcanIdisciplinemymindtobe5percentmorefocusedtoday?

CopilotGrowth

Accuracy allows you as an ENTP to make self-directed decisions. Accuracyencouragesyoutoignoresocialpressureandstatus,focusinginsteadonradicalhonesty andwhatmakes logical sense. However, youwill lose your sense ofintegrity and ability to be persuasive if you conflate the talent of out-arguingotherswithcriticalthinking.

Growing your Accuracy can be a challenge for you as an ENTP. It takesmaturitytostopusingotherpeople’sfeedbackasasignyou’reontherighttrack,and instead develop the ability to spot inconsistencies and bewilling to pointthemoutwhenappropriate.

EverypersonalitytypetendstoavoidgrowingtheirCopilotmentalprocess.Buthereliesthepowerofunderstandingyourpersonality.Don’tseeyourAccuracyas a hindrance. Rather, embrace the slower pace of getting into this mentalprocessbecauseitgivesyoutheopportunitytobuildimpressiveskills.

It makes sense to focus on your inner truth. It’s smart to focus on your trueinternallogic.Similarly,itshouldmakesensethatthemorerigoryouusetovetinformationandconclusions—and themorepolarizingyouarewilling tobe—themoreimpactyourideaswillhave.

To help develop yourAccuracyCopilot, start asking yourself, “Whatactuallymakessenseinthissituation?”Spendfocused,introvertedtimeruminatingaboutwhatstrikesyouastrue,bothforyourselfandforothers.

Eachtimeyouarefacedwithadecision,closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhatismostlogical,notwhatwillmakeothershappy.Practicefindingholesinyourown logic, and in the middle of disagreements, pay attention to your ownbullshitmeter.Payattentiontothevalidityofyourownthoughtsbeforecalling

bullshitontheideasofothers.Dowhatittakestoaccessyourinnertruthwhileruthlessly rooting out internal inconsistencies in your own logic. Start seeingyourowncognitivedissonanceasbeingcompletelyunacceptable.Indoingthis,youwillbecomealeaderofsocialconditioningasopposedtobeingatitsmercy.

ReflectionThetalentsAccuracycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAccuracyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAccuracymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourAccuracyprocesstoday:

TheENTP10-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)TheHarmonyfunctionencouragescompassion,helpsustakecareofeachother,andallowsus tomakestrongemotionalconnections. Itprovidesan instinctive

understandingofpeople’sneedsandhow toget themmet.Harmonyusers tapintosocialdynamicstomakesurepersonalboundariesarehonored,whichkeepsmoralehigh.

ENTPscanusetheHarmonyfunctiontocommittotheirrelationships.HarmonycanhelpanENTPdevelopwarmthandkindness.Itcanalsohelpthempersuadeothers through humor and other positive shared emotions. Additionally,HarmonyhelpsENTPsremembertheirresponsibilitytoabiggercommunityandencouragesthemtocontributepositively.

As an extraverted function, Harmony allows the ENTP to access a judgingprocesswhileavoiding their innerworld.Thiscanbeokayat times,but if theENTPgets used to relying onHarmony to support their perceptions, they canrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirintrovertedjudgingCopilot,Accuracy.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForENTPs,overrelianceonHarmonyusuallymanifestsasseekingapprovalfromotherpeopletoavoidtroublinginnertruths.

Harmonyis,inalargepart,aboutcheckinginwithotherpeople.Harmonyusersconsultwithhowothersarefeelingtovettheirownopinions.PeoplewhohaveHarmonyasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontoinfluence societyandmeet theneedsofothers.Butyou’reanENTP,meaningyou’re wired to be at your best when consulting your personal logic, not theinfluenceofotherpeople.

If your10-Year-Oldgets tohave the final callwithout consulting theCopilot,it’sgoingtoseetheworldlikeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatjudgingthevalidity of others’ opinions, and without the radically honest analysis of thesituationprovidedbyAccuracy, theENTPmayhandover toomuchpower totheirrelationshipsorotherpeople’sopinions.

The10-Year-OldHarmonycanmanifestbylettingotherpeopleset thetoneofhowtheENTPshouldlivetheir lifeorhowtheyshouldfeelaboutthemselves.Frustrated by the feeling of disempowerment, they may use emotions tomanipulate or to bully people, and relationships can become codependent.Howeveritshowsup,itsmotiveistoprotecttheperceptionsofExplorationand,ultimately,theENTP’sveryidentity.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ENTP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheAccuracyfunction.

Short-termloop.Thismaylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.Feelingthediscomfortof theirowncontradictory thoughtsandwantingtosilenceboth theinnervoiceandwhatever triggered it, theENTPwilluseemotiondefensively.Thiscanshowupmanyways,butitusuallylookslikeeitherangerorajokingdismissiveness toward others. Plugging into a shared emotional experiencerenders introspective, analytic thinking impossible for the ENTP. Once thecognitivedissonance retreats back into a deeper place and canbe ignored, theENTPwillbebackingoodhumor.

Long-termloop.Inordertomanagetroublingthoughts,theENTPwillrelytooheavily on intimate relationships to set the tone for their lives. They willoutsource their important beliefs and values to others, fearing to follow theirownlogictoitsconclusion.Theywillbelieveinpartialtruthsthatsoundlogicalon the surface and pursue answers to questions only as long as those answersremainnonthreateningtotheirlifestyleandthepeopleintheirlives.Thisloopisoftenmarkedbycodependentrelationships.

Habitual loop. Instead of determining their own sense of worth usingsubjective, radically honest criteria, the ENTP compulsively seeks praise tobolster their self-esteem. Sometimes there is enough self-awareness to realizethatout-and-outbraggingisconsidereddistasteful,butregardless,theENTPwillcompulsively put themselves at the center of attention. They may single outanotherpersonorgroupofpeopletomakefunof,pickfightstoshowcasetheirown intelligence, or argue everything to exhibit intellectual dominance. TheENTPwillcategorizepeopleinto“smart”and“stupid,”andseekapprovalfromthosedeemedsmart.Theworsetheloop,themorepeoplearedehumanized,onlyseenasvaluableiftheyofferpositivefeedback.AnypuncturingoftheENTP’sself-imageismetwithangerand,intheworstcases,banishment.

Reflection

ThewaysExplorationandHarmonycanloopinanENTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseHarmony

Ifyoufindyourselfcompromisingyourtruthinfavorofunhealthyrelationshipsorfeedback,thisisabaduseoftheHarmonyfunction.TapintoAccuracyandaskyourself,“WhatkindoflifedoIhaveifit’sbuiltonalie?”

That said, if youwant to share yourself fullywith another person, connectingwiththembasedonwhoyoutrulyareandwhatyoutrulybelieve,Harmonycanhelpguideyou.Itcanhelpyoudeliverhardtruthswithcompassion.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingdishonest.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type love connectingwith friends, being intimate, and helpingeveryonehaveagoodtime.YoucanalsouseHarmonytofeelmotivatedbyyourcompassion,reachouttothoselessfortunate,andbegenerousforasocialcause.

TheENTP3-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)Memory creates a sense of continuity. It references past experiences andknowledge toestablish standards, traditions, andcustoms. It’sgradual,patient,accepting,andconsistent.Itunderstandshowweareshapedbyourpast.Asa3-Year-Old process, Memory is the part of the ENTP that whispers from theshadows. Normally indifferent to traditions, benchmarks, and what’s comebefore,suddenlytheENTPwillseekcomfortinthefamiliar,orfeeltrappedbypastdecisions.

TherearethreewaysanENTPexperiencesthegrip,thosemomentswhenyourDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andthe3-Year-Oldfunctiontakesoverthewheelofthecar.

Short-termgrip.ThisoccurswhentheENTPtrulyfeelslikeachild.Theystarttofeelanxiousanduncertainwhentheydon’tknowtherulesorwhetherthey’redoingsomethingwrong.Forexample,whatiftheymakeamistakewhenfillingoutagovernmentorbankformthatrequiresalotofminuteattention?Ifaskedtofollow dietary restrictions that require heightened discipline, where do theystart? Who would even know this information? What if they make it worsesomehow?Theresultisavoidanceandhopingtheanswerwillmagicallyappearor,alternatively,thattheproblemwillsomehowgoaway.

Long-term grip. The ENTP will adopt a sense of fatalism, the idea that theFateshavecursedthemintoabadsituationthatwilllastforever.Itismarkedbyemotions like pessimism, hopelessness, and depression. The ENTP no longerexperiences the joy of life, andmay be cynical that others seem to be gettingawaywith not having followed the rules and face no consequences. It can befocused on health, career, family, or relationships. Memory is quirky andattaches to random things, sowhatever theENTPhas decided is fatedwill beuniquetothem.

Habitual grip. The strategy is attachment to a limiting belief, which is abastardizedversionofMemory’ssuperpower,acceptance.Unlike fatalism, thistypeofgripisrarelyemotional.ItsimplyrootsintotheENTPandbecomesthecatch-allexcuse forwhy theycan’tbuild the life theywant.Whatever it is—acodependent relationship, body issues, a paradigm or belief structure—it is

unlikelytobe trulypermanent,but theENTPisconvincedthat itwillbe.Thisgrip isn’tas intenseas theprevious twostylesofgripexperiences,andso it ismucheasierfor theENTPtobecomeattachedto it.Ultimately, itbecomestheexcusetoperpetuallyseekcomfort,beinfear,andlivearetractedlife.

HowtoBestUseMemoryThebestwaytouseMemoryasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,reconnectwiththepartofyouwho has stayed the same throughout time.Watch amovie you’ve seen ahundredtimes.Listentomusicyougrewupwith.Sharememorieswithfamilymembersabouthowthingsusedtobeandhowmuchthey’vechanged.

Remember,Memoryisanintrovertedprocess,somakesureyouhaveplentyofuninterrupted ruminating time.Thirtyminutes shouldbe longenough,but feelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyou’restillnotfeelingsettled,makeadiaryentryorvlogaboutwhoyouwereandwhoyou’vebecome.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromfeelingtheneedtohaveanimmediatecreative solution.Make sure you’re diving deeply into the positive tethers toyourpast.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomeback to the situationwithawholenewoutlook.Then, take small,manageablestepstofeelbackincontrol.

UsingMemoryinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoicethatwhispers in the back of your mind. Memory as an aspiration can encourageENTPs to track the progress of their lives and have realistic expectations forchange. People of your type can be true change agents, but they have to playnicewiththeinstitutionsthatexistandrememberwhathasbeentriedandwhathascomebefore.

ReflectionThewaysMemorycangripanENTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

My3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER7

ENFPPersonalityType

ENFPslovetooutwardlyexpressthemselves.Byobservingthewayothersreacttotheirexpressions,ENFPslearnmoreabouttheirinnerselves.

Self-expression creates a feedback loop forENFPs.Over time, they adapt andcrafttheiridentitytobecomecleareronwhotheyareandwhotheyaremeanttobe.Theydothisbybuildingamapoftheirowncoremotivationsandcontrastingthemwithotherpeople’smotivations.

Balancing their charm and energy with a clear internal value system is thelifelong growthwork for ENFPs.When ENFPs express themselves without agoal, cause, or self-development focus, they can become attention seeking,manipulative, and even cruel. It’s important for ENFPs to use their naturalperformanceabilities tobecomemoreempathetic andencouraging, rather thanexploitativeor conniving.WhenanENFPhas self-discipline aswell as visionfortheirlife,theyreflectbacktootherswhat’spossibleforthemtobecome.

TheENFPDriverIsExploration(Ne)It’s important toremember that theExplorationprocess isa talent.Thismeansthatnot everyENFPwillhave the same skill leveloruse it in ahealthyway.DevelopingExplorationasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingENFP. Exploration, when developed and sharpened, allows you three veryuniquegifts. It letsyou identifypatterns,possibilities, andopportunities;givesyouexcitement,fuel,andoptimism;andhelpsyouleavecomfortzonestoenterintonew,undiscoveredterritory.

PatternRecognition

Exploration, as an intuitive process, uses advanced pattern recognition to seeconnections other people miss. It wants to know what’s going on behind thecurtain,whatitcan’tdirectlyaccess.Asitgetsmoresophisticated,Exploration’spredictivepowers improve,and theExplorationusereventuallybecomesadeptatnotonlyseeingwhatothersmiss,butimaginingwhatcouldexist.Whiteboard

sessions,ormeetingswhereideasaresharedandbuiltuponwithothercreativeminds, aremomentswhere this ability truly shines. Feeding off the energy ofother people’s suggestions, Exploration will come up with truly novel anduniqueideasthattransformthemundaneintotheextraordinary.

But pattern recognition gets better over time only if the Exploration user letsthemselves experience theworld at large.Reading and researching are part ofthe process, but they are not a complete expression of Exploration. Theorieshavetobeactedupontogetreal-worldfeedback,andifthetheorywaswrong,ithastoberevised.

Exploration benefits from the process of testing and iterating. When theExploration user finds that they arewrong, they view it as an opportunity forexpanding their understanding, learning even greater possibilities, andtransforming this amazing talent into real opportunities. Instead of gettingdefensivewhen they learn their original ideawaswrong, theENFP can say amental“thanks!”totheuniverseforgivingthemthegiftofcalibration.

ExerciseGet good at pattern recognition by making quick predictions about how amysterymoviewillend.Mysterymoviesfollowalimitedsetofplottwists.UseyourExplorationprocesstonotonlypredictanindividualmovie’sending,buttoidentifythetypesofplottwistsmoviescriptsuse.

ReflectionNamethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobeaccurate:

Namethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobewrong:

ThenexttimeI’mwrong,I’mgoingtolearntoenjoytheprocessby:

Excitement,Fuel,andOptimismTheExplorationfunctionburnsalotoffuel,soitmustalsogeneratealotfuel.According toDarioNardi, author ofNeuroscience of Personality, ExtravertedIntuitionis thecognitivefunctionthat takes thelongest toget intoaflowstatebut,oncethere,it’sthemostdifficulttoslowdown.

ENFPs are wired to have energy to burn when they tap into the Explorationfunction.Theyrideon the feelingofoptimismandbeing fullyengaged.Thereare so many things the world has to offer, so many possibilities forimprovement.Thesheerbrightnessofitallcanbecontagious.

There can be challenges, of course. Possibility thinking can be seen asthreateningtosomepeople,andthosewhouseExplorationmayfeeltheyhavetofight to represent it.Fortunately,Exploration is unfazedbynegative feedback.Itsjobisn’ttoacceptdefeatbuttoseeallthedifferentwaystomakesomethinghappen.

The greatest gift ENFPs can give themselves is permission to continue usingExplorationinthefaceofopposition.PartofExploration’sgeniusisfindingnewways to present itself. If one style doesn’twork, itwillmodify its strategy tobecomewhatthesituationneedsittobe.ThisiswhyExplorationusersareoftenhighlycharismatic.

Exercise

Keep lifeexciting!Asimpleexercise is topractice jumpingoutofbed. In themiddleoftheday,laydownunderyourcoversandsetyouralarmfor1minute.Whenthealarmgoesoff,jumpoutofbedfastandputahugesmileonyourface.Dothisseventimesinarow.Immediatelyfollowthisexercisewithanactivityyou love and look forward to doing. Each day for seven days, practice thistechnique. By the end of the week, see if you are jumping out of bed in themorning,too.

ReflectionNamethemostexcitingthinginyourliferightnow:

Namesomethingthatalwaysgivesyoujoy, justbythinkingaboutit.Howcanyou include this in your life every single day?Be creativewith how you canintroduce this activity daily:

LeavingComfortZones

Exploration loves novelty and blazing new trails. It faces six-foot-tall grassholding a machete, screaming, “tigers be damned!” Getting fully into thisfunction means being willing to leave comfort zones, physically,psychologically,andemotionally.

It can be difficult if circumstances seem to be hindering adventure.But as anENFP, it’s important to make sure you engage in some novelty every day.Exploring the world gifts the ENFP with true open-mindedness. Beliefs andideas ENFPs may be attached to must be reevaluated in the face of new

informationandpatterns.

Conveniently,ascomfortzonesareexpanded,anxietyandfearoftheunknownturnintotheexcitementofwhatcouldbe.Allgrowthhappensoutsideofcomfortzones,andthefeelingofgrowingcanbecomeahealthyaddiction.ENFPsknowthey’vefullydevelopedthisfunctionwhengrowthbecomesthenewnormal.

ExercisePractice getting out of your comfort zone by seeking out new situations youwouldnotnormallypursue. If there’saquestionofdoingsomething that feelsright to you, but may include some hassle or an “unsafe” element, practicetaking the risk insteadofplaying it safe. It’scommonforpeopleofyour type,oncetheygetpastthescarypartofanewexperience,tosay,“Wasthatit?”Mostofyourgrowthhappensbybeingadventurous and lettinggoof thebelief thatyoumustlivethewayotherswantyoutolive.

ReflectionToday,Iwillgetoutsideofmycomfortzoneby:

Iwillmakethisadailypracticeby:

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofExplorationisthemundane.Explorationisfueledbynoveltyand

newexperiences.Ifday-to-daylifehasbecomeroteorisinarut,theenergyoftheExplorationfunctionwillrunoutasifithasaslowleak.

AsyourENFPDriver,Exploration isyourFlowstate, and if you’renotusingthis process enough, you’ll eventually run out of energy and may becomedepressed.Setupyourdailyconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Forexample, if each day seems to be bleeding into the next, add novelty to it bytakinganewclass,gatheringfriendsforanidea-generatingconversation,eatingat an exotic restaurant, or simply getting lost in a new part of your city thatyou’ll have to navigate back from. Starting a daring new project orentrepreneurialendeavorwillrequiretheneedtobeinnovativeeveryday.

When the Exploration function is young, Exploration users can be unrealisticaboutthemselves,others,andtheworld.Hungryforopportunityandperpetuallyoptimistic, they may take on too much, becoming overwhelmed. YoungExplorationDriversexpecttoomuchoutofthemselvesandotherpeopleandaredisappointedwhennooneseemstobemeetingtheirpotentialfastenough.Theycanbecallousandhavetroubleunderstandingtheirtrueimpactonotherpeople.Without ballast, they struggle with time management, irresponsibility, andboredom.

ENTPsandENFPsespeciallymustrecognizethattheonlytimechangehappensis when they work with the system. There is benefit in both optimism andmaking a sober assessment. These types can increase their impact by beingfocused,accurate,andgrounded.

ReflectionThetalentsExplorationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseExplorationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopExplorationmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheENFPCopilotIsAuthenticity(Fi)Without an introverted judging process, the ENFP is not complete. Withoutdeveloping a strong inner character, the ENFPwill become overly reactive tofeedbackfromtheworld.Theymayfeellikethey’remissingoutormovingtooslowtomaketheimpacttheywishtomake.Bytryingtodotoomuch,theyendupaccomplishinglittle.

Anintrovertedjudgingprocessempowers theENFPtofind theirownsenseofidentity,slowdownenoughtolistentotheirdeepestmotivations,andgetasenseofwhat’strueforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat,liketheDriverfunction,theCopilotprocessisatalent.Butthatdoesn’tmeaneveryENFPwillhavethesameskillleveloruseit

in a healthy way. Developing Authenticity as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingENFP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanintrovertedfunctionasanExtravert.Foran ENFP, working on Authenticity won’t be as natural as working onExploration,sodisciplineandattentionontherichrewardsAuthenticitybringswillbekey.

CoreValuesandEthicsBeing aware of one’s emotional responses at all times creates an ethicalcomplication. A person may feel one way in one situation but completelydifferentinaseeminglyidenticalsituation.Theymustlearntojudgethecontextof their reactions: Are their responses fully subjective, or are they based oncertainprinciplesthatcanbeusedtoguidefuturebehaviors?

Whatisatrulyethicalaction?WhenanENFPfeelsthefullemotionalforceofallbehaviors,theyaskthisquestionfrequentlytocreateapersonallistofwhat’sethicalandwhatisn’t.Sincethemajorityofbehaviorsfallonaspectrum,ENFPsareprettylaidbackaboutmostactionspeopletake.Apersonmaybeinsensitiveor obtuse, but unless they offend one of the ENFP’s core values or trueprinciples,thebehaviorislikelytobeforgottenorevengounnoticed.

Once a core value has been upset, however, the Authenticity process willimmediately register the offending action as unacceptable, and the ENFPwillhavetofigureouthowtodealwiththeoffense.Atthispoint,theymaybecomeuncharacteristicallyimpassioned,outraged,andaggressive.

Thisiswhyitisincrediblyimportanttoknowone’scorevaluesandrevisethemfrequently. It’s important for an Authenticity user to not simply default towhatever feelsgood in themoment,orget locked intovalues formedata lesssophisticatedage.Whenone’scorevaluesaresetinyouthandnotreviewed,aperson can show up as self-absorbed, indulgent, and fixated on their ownexperience.AtrulyhealthyAuthenticityfunctionwilldraftasetofvalues thatarebothmeaningfulandadaptable.Justlikepeoplechangeandgrow,one’scorevaluesshouldchangeandgrowwiththem.AsanENFPgetstoknowthemselvesbetter over time, their core values will be a natural emergent of greater self-

knowledge.

ExerciseCorevaluesareguidingprinciples.Inallsituations,corevaluesdeterminerightorwrongandletyouknowifyou’reontherightpath.Takeasheetofpaperandwritedownallbehaviorsyoubelieveareeitherrightorwrong,regardlessofthesituation. Give yourself plenty of time to do this exercise: hours, days, evenweeks.Feel free to revisit this listona regularbasisandrefine itasyou learnmoreaboutyourself.

ReflectionMytopfivecorevaluesare…because…:

Five core values that I have reevaluated and adapted over the years are:

InnerAlignmentandConviction

Everyonehas experienced inner conflict, but theCopilotAuthenticity functionknowsthatbeingof twominds is just the tipof the iceberg.Focusedonbeingtruetothemselves,ENFPsknowthereisn’tjustoneself;rather,there’salegionofvoices inside,allvyingforattention. It’sdifficult toknowwhat todowhenlisteningintentlytoallthosevoices,eachwiththeirownagenda.

The task of Authenticity is to listen closely to what each part of this innercouncilissayingandprioritizebasedonwhat’strue,what’sright,andwhatwillgetneedsordesiresmet.

IftheburdenofAuthenticityistolistentoone’sinnercouncil,theresponsibilityofAuthenticityistoleadthosevoicesintoalignment.Or,iftheycan’tbeinfullchorus,Authenticitymust determinewhich parts should have the stage at anygiventime.

Theeasiestdecisionsareonesthatpresentnoinnerconflict,whichcouldbesaidto align with convictions. The moments when all inner voices are in fullagreement arebeautifulmoments andproduce suchmomentum that theENFPcanfeelunstoppable.It’sdifficultforAuthenticityuserstofeelmotivatedwhenthey feel uncertain, but once certainty is on the table, the ENFP becomes anunstoppableforcecapableofextraordinaryfeats.

Managing the inner council of voices and ideas is a skill that must be built,similar tomanaginggroupsofpeople. It’s imperative for anENFP to learn toprioritizetheirneedsanddesiresbasedoncorevaluesandacodeofethics,notsimplywhatfeelsgoodinthemoment.

Self-confidencecomesfromseekingoutdissentingvoicesandsittingwiththem,asking difficult questions, and considering what the answers mean for theENFP’s identity. If some of those voices are unhealthy and have ill intent, itbecomestheENFP’sresponsibilitytohealthatpartofthemselves,orevenallowthetoxicpartsofthemselvestodie.It’sapainfulprocessthatcanfeellikeliteraldeath to Authenticity users, but it is a crucial aspect of self-management andself-leadership.

ExerciseThinkofadecisionyou’vebeenruminatingon,maybeevenputtingoff.Listenforany internalconflict. Imagineyourself inacouncil roomwhereeachvoicecomesupwithacompellingargument.Allowthemplentyoftimetogetthroughtheirconcerns,considerations,andvalidpoints.Aftereachvoicehasstatedtheircase,pulloutyourlistofcorevalues.Askyourselfwhichargumentsaremostinalignmentwithyourcorevalues,andwhysomeofthevoicesmaybecountertoyour values. If this is a values-based decision, why are some of the voicesrepresentingasolutionthatrunscountertoyourvalues?Aretheselessmatureorunhealedpartsofyourself?Whatwouldpersuade them to stayconsistentwithyour values? Alternatively, is it a decision that isn’t values based? Is moreinformationneededandarethevoicesstumped?Doyouneedtolearnmoreandrevisitthecouncillater?

ReflectionWhatpartsofyourselfhaveyoubeenavoiding listening to? Is itbecause theyaren’t saying things of value, or because what they have to say representschangesforwhichyoumaynotfeelready?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepartsby:

Sympathy,Art,andEmotionalAikidoSo much of the human experience is impossible to express using verballanguage.Despitethat,allofushaveaneedtounderstandeachotherandtobeunderstood. When Authenticity is in its infancy, a person can be quite self-absorbed.Without sharpening the function, anENFPwill stay fixatedon theirownexperience,unabletosurfacelongenoughtofeelsympathywithothers.

Over time and with development, Authenticity users recognize that otherpeople’s experiences are incredibly real to them, and so they offer theircompassion and sympathy. People with Authenticity Copilots know that tounderstand a person’s inner workings is to demonstrate their emotions andmotivationsbacktothem,showingthatallpeoplesharethesethingsincommonand can also experience them on a deeply personal level. Themost powerfulmediumthroughwhichhumansaccomplishthistaskisartandself-expression.

All throughout history, Authenticity users have found themselves unable toconvey their own subjective emotional experience in conversation, which hasdriventhemtobecomeartists.Theyhavebecomegreatatreplicatinganaspectofhumanity in a single, time-boundpieceof art: painting, song,poem, statue,choreographeddance,performance,oreventheirlifestyle.Thefoundationofartis the expression of universal human experiences, honoring that it will bepersonalizedbythereceiver.

Authenticity uses art to perform emotional aikido (page 53), transforming oneperson’senergyintoasharedexperience.It’sdifficulttodenythepoignancyofasharedexperience,or to judge itharshly.Authenticityencouragesonlookers toseethemselvesandtheworldwithsympathy.

ExerciseCommunicate an emotion to a friendwithoutusingwords.Youmayusehandgestures, facial expressions, drawings, noises, and sounds. Ask your friend iftheyunderstoodtheemotionyouweretryingtoshare,andif theywereabletoreplicatetheemotionwithinthemselvesbylinkingittotheirownexperience.

ReflectionHow can I use my chosen art form to help me better understand others andmyself?

If youdonot currentlyhave an art form,what is a style of art you’ve alwaysbeenattractedto?Whatisthelowestbarrierofentrytobeginengaginginthisartform?

CopilotGrowthAuthenticityallowsyouasanENFPtomakedecisionsthatresonatewithyourcore identity and inner wisdom. When you evaluate decisions, Authenticityallows you to ask the question, “Does this feel right to me?” It’s a feelingprocessconcernedwithidentity,motivation,andconsistencyofcorevalues.

Authenticity encourages you as an ENFP to ignore expedience and insteadchoosemeaningandalignment.AnENFPwilllosetheirdirectionandtruepathinlifeiftheydotheopposite.

Growing your Authenticity can be a challenge for you as an ENFP. It takesmaturitytostopusingouter-worldresultsasasignyou’reontherighttrack,andinsteaddeveloptheabilitytofindtheprojectsandtasksthataretherightfitforyourheart.

EverypersonalitytypetendstoavoidgrowingtheirCopilotmentalprocess.Buthere lies the power of understanding your personality. Don’t see yourAuthenticityasahindrance.Rather,embracetheslowerpaceofgettingintothismentalprocessbecause itgivesyoutheopportunity toslowdownandbecomepresentasanENFP.

Foryou,itfeelsrighttofocusonyourcorevalues,trueinternalmotivations,anddesires.Itshouldfeelinalignmentthattocontinuedoingtherightthings,you’llneedtolookinwardtodiscoverwhatreallymatterstoyouonacorelevel.Startaskingyourself,“WhatemotionalimpactdoIwanttocreateinmylife?”Spendsomefocusedintrovertedtimethinkingabouthowyoupersonallyfeel.

• Seeifyoucanmapyouremotionstopartsofyourbody.

• Eachtimeyouarefacedwithadecision,closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhatfeelsrightinthatmoment.

• Inthemiddleofadisagreement,payattentiontohowyouarefeelinginthemoment.

AsanENFP,youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyouget inside your heart and map your inner values and motivations. And, mostimportantly,youwillbecomeastrong leaderofpeopleasopposed tobeingattheirmercy.

ReflectionThetalentsAuthenticitycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAuthenticityare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAuthenticitymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourAuthenticityprocesstoday:

TheENFP10-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)When you use Effectiveness, you make decisions based on what works. Theprocessisfocusedonstructure,projectmanagement,andgettingthingsdone.Itdesires organization and systems that are self-managing, and can provide themotivationtoworkhardandseefruitsforitslabor.

TheENFPcanuse theEffectiveness function to setgoalsandbuild resources.Effectiveness can help them optimize their skills and talents, while inspiringotherstoworkonbiggerprojectsthattheENFPcan’taccomplishalone.Itgivesthem leadership qualities and drive. However, as a 10-Year-Old function,Effectivenesscanprioritizeexpedienceattheexpenseofauthenticexpression.

Asanextraverted function,Effectivenessallows theENFP toaccessa judgingprocesswhileavoiding their innerworld.Thiscanbeokayat times,but if theENFPgetsusedtorelyingonEffectivenesstosupporttheirperceptions,theycanrationalize skipping development of their introverted judging Copilot,

Authenticity. And that’s when the trouble starts. For ENFPs, this usuallymanifestsaslettingotherpeople’sexpectationsdefinetheirvaluesystem.

Effectivenessis,inlargepart,aboutcreatingasharedsystemofvaluesbasedonwhatgetsthingsdone.PeoplewhohaveEffectivenessasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontoaccomplishbigthings.Butyou’reanENFP,meaningyou’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhencreatingavaluesystembasedonyourfeelings,notwhenyou’reconformingtotheworld’sexpectations.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheCopilotofAuthenticity,it’sgoingtoseetheworldlikeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatprioritizing their livesbasedonenterprise. IfanENFPdoesn’tknowwhat’sauthentictothemandinsteadprioritizesbasedonwhatalargernetworkdeemseffective, they may allow their values and life direction to be determined byother people’s agendas. Losing a grip on their identity, an ENFP may burythemselvesinaflurryofactivitytoavoidself-reflectingonhowdistancedtheyarefromtheirtrueselves.

Howeveritshowsup,themotiveofEffectivenessasa10-Year-OldistoprotecttheDriver’sperceptionsand,ultimately,theENFP’sself-worth.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ENFP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheAuthenticityprocess.

Short-term loop. TheENFPwill become forceful to protect themselves.Thisoften manifests as actual aggression—punching walls, yelling at others, evenbecomingphysicallyorverballyviolent. In thisway, theENFPcommunicatesthat they’reunstable,evencrazy,andforcesothers tobackdown.Byfocusingon intimidation, the ENFP has no room for introspection or other people’sexperiences.

Long-term loop. This strategy is perpetual busyness. Preoccupied with awhirlwindoftasksandresults,theENFPcan’tslowdownenoughtoaskifwhatthey’reworkingoniswhattheyreallywant.Inthiscase,allattentionisfocused

on the outside world. If in a position of authority, the ENFP may become amicromanager, certain that others are being lazy, incompetent, and wasteful.Nitpickingtheactivitiesofothersleavesnotimetoself-assess.

Habitual loop.Tobeseenascompetent, theENFPwillalign theirvaluesandidentitywithwhateversocietyexpects.Overtime,theycompletelylosetrackofwhotheyareastheyseektoreceivefeedbackthatthey’redoingtherightthing,stayingon the right track, and impressing everyone.Unable to trust their self-evaluation,theybasetheirself-respectontheopinionsofothers.Thisisthemostdifficult loop to interrupt,asmostculturescelebrate the results thatcomewithEffectivenessandoftencriticize the“wastefulness”ofAuthenticity.TheENFPloseswhoaretheyareinexchangeforapproval.

ReflectionThewaysExplorationandEffectivenesscanloopinanENFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseEffectiveness

If you find yourself compromising your values and identity in favor ofproductivityorpraise, this is abaduseof theEffectiveness function.Tap intoAuthenticity andaskyourself, “Whohave I become?Whoam Ibecoming? IsthisthepersonItrulywanttobe?”

That said, in times that you feel inspired to lead yourself and others towardhealthy goals in life or to streamline and problem-solve challenges,Effectivenesscanhelpguideyou.Itcanhelpyousetandaccomplishgoals.Justdon’tgetfooledintolosingyourself.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy team sports, entrepreneurship, emceeing,organizingfunevents,andhostingparties.Youcanalsousethisprocesstogetbigprojectsdoneandorganizesocialcauses.

TheENFP3-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)Memory creates a sense of continuity. It references past experiences andknowledge toestablish standards, traditions, andcustoms. It’sgradual,patient,accepting,andconsistent.Itunderstandshowweareshapedbyourpast.Asa3-Year-Old process, Memory is a part of the ENFP that whispers from theshadows. Normally indifferent to traditions, benchmarks, and what’s comebefore,suddenlytheENFPwillseekcomfortinthefamiliar,orfeeltrappedbypastdecisions.

TherearethreewaysanENFPexperiencesthegrip,thosemomentswhenyourDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andthe3-Year-Oldfunctiontakesoverthewheelofthecar.

Short-termgrip.ThisoccurswhentheENFPtrulyfeelslikeachild.Theystarttofeelanxiousanduncertainwhentheydon’tknowtherulesorwhetherthey’redoingsomethingwrong.Forexample,whatiftheymakeamistakewhenfillingoutagovernmentorbankformthatrequiresalotofminuteattention?Ifaskedtofollow dietary restrictions that require heightened discipline, where do theystart? Who would even know this information? What if they make it worsesomehow?Theresultisavoidanceandhopingtheanswerwillmagicallyappearor,alternatively,theproblemwillsomehowgoaway.

Long-term grip. The ENFP will adopt a sense of fatalism, the idea that theFateshavecursedthemintoabadsituationthatwilllastforever.Itismarkedbyemotions like pessimism, hopelessness, and depression. The ENFP no longerexperiences the joy of life, andmay be cynical that others seem to be gettingawaywith not having followed the rules and face no consequences. It can befocused on health, career, family, or relationships. Memory is quirky andattaches to random things, sowhatever theENFPhas decided is fatedwill beuniquetothem.

Habitual grip. The strategy is attachment to a limiting belief, which is abastardizedversionofMemory’ssuperpower,acceptance.Unlike fatalism, thistypeofgripisrarelyemotional.ItsimplyrootsintotheENFPandbecomesthecatch-allexcuse forwhy theycan’tbuild the life theywant.Whatever it is—acodependent relationship, body issues, a paradigm or belief structure—it isunlikely tobe trulypermanent,but theENFPisconvinced that itwillbe.Thisgripisn’tasintenseastheprevioustwostylesofgripexperiences,anditismucheasierfortheENFPtobecomeattachedtoit.Ultimately,itbecomestheexcusetoperpetuallyseekcomfort,beinfear,andlivearetractedlife.

HowtoBestUseMemoryThebestwaytouseMemoryasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,reconnectwiththepartofyouwho has stayed the same throughout time.Watch amovie you’ve seen ahundredtimes.Listentomusicyougrewupwith.Sharememorieswithfamilymembersabouthowthingsusedtobeandhowmuchthey’vechanged.

Remember,Memoryisanintrovertedprocess,somakesureyouhaveplentyofuninterrupted ruminating time.Thirtyminutes shouldbe longenough,but feelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyou’restillnotfeelingsettled,makeadiaryentryorvlogaboutwhoyouwereandwhoyou’vebecome.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromfeelingtheneedtohaveanimmediatecreative solution.Make sure you’re diving deeply into the positive tethers toyourpast.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomeback to the situationwithawholenewoutlook.Then, take small,manageablestepstofeelbackincontrol.

UsingMemoryinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoicethatwhispers in the back of your mind. Memory as an aspiration can encourageENFPs to track the progress of their lives and have realistic expectations forchange. People of your type can be true change agents, but they have to playnicewiththeinstitutionsthatexistandrememberwhathasbeentriedandwhathascomebefore.

ReflectionThewaysIfindmyselfbeingintheGripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

ThewaysMemorycangripanENFPare:

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyMemory3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER8

ESTPPersonalityType

ESTPs are playful andmagnetic. They can be powerfully attractive to others,whichgivesthemtheabilitytobecharismaticleaders.

ESTPsseethevalueinhigh-energysharedphysicalexperiences.Theyrecognizethat peoplewant to feel connected and enjoy an active life, so theyoften findthemselvesinroleswheretheyareavatarsforotherslikepoliticians,athletes,orperformers.

If an ESTP feels toomuch societal pressure to conform, theymay purposelybehave in antisocial ways. Sometimes they can exhibit indulgent behavior toescapethepressureofthesocialexpectationsplaceduponthem.

If an ESTP can avoid feeling overwhelmed by social expectations, develophealthyways tomanage their image, and take full responsibility for their ownactions,theycanbecomepowerfulvoicesthatrepresentthepeopletheylead.

TheESTPDriverIsSensation(Se)It’simportanttorememberthattheSensationprocessisatalent,andthatmeansnot every ESTP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.Developing Sensation as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingESTP. Sensation, when developed and sharpened, allows you to simplifyproblemsandtakeaction;bepresent,realistic,andplayful;andpushyourlimits.

SimplifyProblems

HealthySensationusersdon’thaveaproblemwithoveranalyzing;instead,theyreduce situations down to their fundamentals and address themhead-on.Theytake action immediately, happy to have something on which to expend theirenergy. In thisway,SensationDrivershandleproblemsquicklywithout lettingthem stack up.While there are complexities in life thatmust be addressed assuch, ESTPs know that much of life is a matter of simply showing up andcarving a direct path. They enjoy a sense of responsibility and getting things

done, as opposed to being self-indulgent with their time. Taking action alsohelpsanESTPdevelopawidevarietyofskills.Theycanbecomeexcellentearlyresponders,whetherprofessionallyorvoluntarily.

ExerciseTurnyourcellphone’svoicemailoffforaweek,onlyallowingyourselftotakecallsas theycome.This letsyouremovea“to-do”itemfromyourlist(callingpeopleback)infavorofhandlingbusinessinthemoment.

ReflectionNamethreetasksyou’vebeenavoidingthatyoucouldtakecareofimmediately:

Name a skill (like playing amusical instrument) you’ve been dreaming aboutstartingbuthavebeenputtingoff:

Makeacommitmentwithyourselftofinishthesetasksandthenbeginbuildingthatskillbythisdate:______________

BePresentandPlayful

“Seeing is believing,” as it’s often said, and the Sensation process is alwaysscanning for the facts that can be directly experienced. Tapping into the real-time feedback of the world means ESTPs notice most details about people,places, and things. For example, all people betray what’s going on inside ofthemselveswith“tells,”uniqueactions that flag their internalcondition.When

theSensationfunctionispresentinthemoment,otherpeople’stellsareobvious,andmuchof relationshipbuilding isbasedon theESTP’sability to readbodylanguage.

The ability to be present lets ESTPs look at life through a philosophical lens.Theymay feel that life is unpredictable and has to bemet with flexibility. Itdoesn’treallyservepeopletobetoofinickyabouttheirexperience.Thoughtheymightbeabletoanticipatethefuture,theystillcan’tforeseeit.Complainingisawaste of time. It’smuch better to rollwith the punches and see if somethingbetter canbemadeof it.Becauseof this viewpoint,SensationDriversusuallyhaveaprettygoodsenseofhumorandastrongplayfulspirit.Lifeistobelived,notendlesslycontemplated.AnESTPmightsay,“Don’tletthefuturerobyouofyourpresent.”

ExerciseFindapartner.Haveaconversationwiththemwhereyougettotalkbuttheycanonlyusenonverbalcues.Findouthowfarintotheconversationyoucangetandstillbeaccurateaboutwhatthey’retryingtocommunicatetoyou.

ReflectionIamgoingtolivemoreinthepresentmomentby:

PushtheLimitSensation users love to push imposed physical limitations. Their ability toimprovise quickly as well as their heightened awareness helps them becomeexcellent athletes, if that’s where they choose to focus their attention. Tools

becomeextensionsof theirbody,fromcars tomusical instruments,andESTPscan become the best in the world at using these tools, coupled with quickreflexes and the ability to think well under pressure. If the ESTP is moreinterestedinsciencethanathletics, theycanusetheSensationfunctiontopushthemselves cerebrally by becoming surgeons, chemists, and entrepreneurs.DevelopingthisaspectofSensationincreasestheESTP’sself-esteemandbringsinspirationtoothers.

ExerciseYou are probably already doing an activity that stretches you: participating insometypeofsport,playingamusicalinstrument,orstretchingyourselfinyourbusiness. Add a new physical limitation to your hobby or craft, and/or useequipmentinanewway.Forexample,practicetrickshotswithabasketballorwhenplayingpool,learntoplayafullsongonyourmusicalinstrumentwithjustone hand,etc. If you do not currently have a hobby or craft that is using thisaspectofSensation,beginoneimmediately.Pushingyourbodywithexerciseistheeasiestandhealthiestonetointroduce.

ReflectionIamgoingtotestmylimits,pushmyself,andincreasemyself-esteemby:

SettingUptheRightConditionsThe enemyofSensation is inactivity. If you’re not using this process enough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofenergyandmaybecomedepressed.Beingchainedtoadesk,forcedtodotoomuchplanning,orengagedinesotericmeaning-making

causesthefunctiontoatrophy.

As your ESTP Driver, Sensation is your flow state, so set up your dailyconditions to access this mental process often. For example, picking up newskills,talkingwithavarietyofpeople,andhavingadailyexerciseroutineareallgreatwaystokeeplifeexcitingandinteresting.

When Sensation is young, it can show up as impulsiveness, rebellion, andsuperficiality.Unsurewheretodirectitsenergy,thefunctioncanengageyouinhigh-octaneanddangerousactivities,becomingaddictedtotheadrenalinerush.Tapped into the body’s responses, addictions to food, alcohol, and othersubstances can take over. Sensation users can also become overly concernedwiththeirappearance,unabletoreadotherpeople’sbodylanguagewithoutfearofbeingjudged.

ESTPsmust get in touchwith their integrity, becoming less reactive to outer-worldfeedback.Insideofthemselves,they’llfindcharacteranddepth.

ReflectionThetalentsSensationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseSensationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopSensationmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheESTPCopilotIsAccuracy(Ti)Without an introverted judging process, the ESTP is not complete. Withoutdeveloping a strong inner character, the ESTPwill become overly reactive tofeedbackfromtheworld.Theymaybetoosusceptibletopressurefrompeersorfamily members, simultaneously feeling a need to be rebellious and overlycompliant.

An introverted judgingprocessempowers theESTP to find theirownsenseofintegrity,removebeliefsthatarelimitingorillogical,andcallouttruthsthatareobvioustothembutignoredbyothers.

It’simportanttorememberthat,liketheDriverfunction,theCopilotprocessisatalent.Butthatdoesn’tmeaneveryESTPwillhavethesameskillleveloruseitin a healthy way. Developing Accuracy as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingESTP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanintrovertedfunctionasanExtravert.ForanESTP,workingonAccuracywon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonSensation,sodiscipline and a focus on the rich rewardsAccuracy brings should be kept inmind.

PruneOutLogicalInconsistenciesandIncongruitiesPeoplewith a strongAccuracy process often have no problem slicing throughemotionally difficult circumstances in order to see the situation as presented.Accuracyusershavetheabilitytospotlogicalfallaciesandbiases.Thatsaid,it’sfareasiertoseeotherpeople’sbiasesthanourown.ThemoreanESTPdevelopsAccuracy, themore the functionwill enableanESTP to spot theirownbiasesanddissonance.

Accuracy is a subjective function. Thismeans theAccuracy user asks, “Whatmakessensetome?”Whenthefunctionisinitsinfancy,itcanrationalizenearlyanything.Overtime,astheprocessdevelopsandmatures,Accuracyusersbeginspotting incongruitiesnotonly inwhatothersaresaying,butalso in theirownthinking.Likeaprogrammerworkingthroughlinesofcode,anAccuracyuser’sfirstjobistocleanupcorruptscriptwithintheirownmind.

Thiscanbechallenging.Onceamental code isdiscovered tobe faulty, it canseemlikethemindisbeingrippedapartinanefforttodismantletheflawedidea.Thismaymanifestasanexistentialcrisis,andcanbeasemotionallyimpactfulasthedeathofalovedone.ButthemoreyoubuildtheskillofAccuracy,themoresurvivablethesurgicalremovaloffaultycodebecomes.Eventually,therewardsofcleanthinkingarefelt,andremovingcognitivedissonanceandbiasbecomespartofyouridentityasanESTP.

ReflectionWhatiftherewerenorightanswers,onlybetterquestions?Ifyouwereabletocraftyourownideasfromscratch,whatwouldtheybe?Doyoufearlosingyourcompetencyifyouloseyourthoughts?Canyouevertrulylosewhoyouare,orareyouconstantlychanging,anyway?

Atitsbest,Accuracylearnstosay,“Idon’tknow,”withoutbeingdisturbedbyuncertainty.Reflectonthefollowingquestions:

WhatthoughtorbeliefhaveInotbeenlookingattoocarefully?IfIlookedatitcritically,woulditsurviveanhonestanalysis?DoIfearlettingitgo?WhatelsewouldIhavetolookatcriticallyifIletthisonego?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthisbeliefby:

IntegrityandRadicalHonestyWell-developedAccuracy allows you to express truths nomatter how hurtfultheycanbe.Whiletruthcanhurt,itdoesn’thavetobeunkindorcruel.Infact,Accuracy users intend to be kindwhen speaking harsh truths, and are usuallyappreciativewhenothers do them the service of beinghonest.Accuracyuserswould much rather know the truth now than be deluded and taken off guardlater.

Young Accuracy users can feel like they’re always on the wrong side of theconversation. It’s not uncommon for ESTPs to get the feedback that they’realways saying thewrong thing or being offensive. Theworld has a push-pullrelationshipwith the idea of truth, andESTPs can sometimes find themselvesgraspingathowtosaysomething.

Asthefunctionmatures,however,Accuracybecomeslessaboutforcingtruthonothersanddevelopsaskillinsharingtruths.Completetruthsarealmostalwayswelcomedbyothers,andeventuallyESTPsgetbetteratgivingcontexttotheirmessages.ESTPsoftenmastertheartofcomedyasawaytodeliverthesetruthswhilebreakingdownresistances.

It’s also important for ESTPs to develop radical honesty with themselves,ensuringthattheystaytruetotheirvalues.Sometimesthatmeansbeinghonestabout what their values truly are, especially if they differ from conventionalsociety’s,aswellasowningup to transgressionsandmistakes.However, ifanESTPhasn’tfirstbeenhonestwith themselves, thentheirviewscaninsteadbeantisocialopinions,whicharerarelywelcome.

ExerciseObserve howoften you lie to other people.According to a study done by theUniversityofMassachusettsatAmherst,60percentofpeopletellanaverageoftwotothreeliesinaten-minuteconversation.

Forexample,whenpeopleaskhowyou’redoing,doyouanswerhonestly?Doyoufeigninterestinconversationsthatareboringtoyou?Doyouhidethetruthtoavoidhurtfeelings?Whileyouwatchyourselflieinconversation,don’tjudgeor justify yourself by saying, “I have to lie in this situation because....” Justobserve.

Now that you’vewatched the differentways you tend to lie, turn this inward.Watch how often you lie to yourself. Keep a finger on the pulse of yourcognitivedissonance.

ReflectionHowcouldIbemorehonestwithothersandmyself?AmIwillingtospeakthetruthevenifit’shurtful?DoothersfindmecondescendingwhenIdothis?HowcanIlearntospeakcompletetruths?

FocusandMastery

Accuracy offers an amazing ability to focus, which is represented in a hugevarietyofways.It’sseeninthebestathletes,philosophers,andmechanics.

AbasketballplayerusingAccuracycanspendendlesshourspracticing3-point

shots, ever so slightly altering the angle of their wrist until they can shoot aperfect3-pointshoteachtime.Thissametalentstartswithnoticingincongruitiesof thoughts as a child. The same process takes place in themind and on thecourt:Whensomethingdoesn’tlineup,keepworkinguntilitlinesupperfectly.Philosophersand scientistsoftenuseAccuracywhenbreakingdown ideasandbeliefs.

It’s important todiscipline themind to focusonmasteringpractical skills,notsimply pleasurable activities. It’s easy to focus on things that are fun andengaging, but ESTPsmake a true difference when they can use their skill tofocus on mundane or “boring” activities. Using focus and skill mastery toimproveyourselfandfulfilldutiescreatesarewardinglife.

ExerciseWhenwefocusoureyes,wezeroinonasingleobjectandalloweverythingelsetobecomefuzzyaroundit.Thatobjectbecomesveryclearandsharp,andifwefocus long enough,we’ll begin to see the object in detail. All of the object’spartsbecomeobvious.

Dothiswithyourmind.Workonaproblemwhileallowingeverythingoutsidethe problem to become fuzzy. This could anything from trying to master amusicalrefraintoworkingoutacomplexmathematicalproblem.Asyouspendmore time focusing your attention, you will start to see its parts, such as thenotesintherefrainortheformulasofthemathproblem.

ReflectionHowcanIdisciplinemymindtobe5percentmorefocusedtoday?

CopilotGrowth

AccuracyallowsyouasanESTPtomakeself-directeddecisions.Itencouragesyoutoignoresocialpressureandstatus,focusinginsteadonradicalhonestyandwhatmakes logical sense.However, youwill lose your sense of integrity andability to be persuasive if you conflate the talent of out-arguing others withcriticalthinking.

GrowingyourAccuracycanbeachallengeforyouasanESTP.Ittakesmaturityto stop using other people’s feedback as a sign you’re on the right track, andinsteaddevelop theability tospot inconsistenciesandbewilling topoint themoutwhenappropriate.

EverypersonalitytypetendstoavoidgrowingtheirCopilotmentalprocess.Buthereliesthepowerofunderstandingyourpersonality.Don’tseeyourAccuracyas a hindrance. Rather, embrace the slower pace of getting into this mentalprocessbecauseitgivesyoutheopportunitytobuildimpressiveskills.

It makes sense to focus on your inner truth. It’s smart to focus on your trueinternallogic.Similarly,itshouldmakesensethatthemorerigoryouusetovetinformationandconclusions—and themorepolarizingyouarewilling tobe—themoreimpactyourideaswillhave.

To help develop yourAccuracyCopilot, start asking yourself, “Whatactuallymakessenseinthissituation?”Spendfocused,introvertedtimeruminatingaboutwhatstrikesyouastrue,bothforyourselfandforothers.

Eachtimeyouarefacedwithadecision,closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhatismostlogical,notwhatwillmakeothershappy.Practicefindingholesinyourown logic, and in the middle of disagreements, pay attention to your ownbullshitmeter.Payattentiontothevalidityofyourownthoughtsbeforecallingbullshitontheideasofothers.Dowhatittakestoaccessyourinnertruthwhileruthlessly rooting out internal inconsistencies in your own logic. Start seeingyourowncognitivedissonanceasbeingcompletelyunacceptable.Indoingthis,youwillbecomealeaderofsocialconditioningasopposedtobeingatitsmercy.

ReflectionThetalentsAccuracycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAccuracyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAccuracymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourAccuracyprocesstoday:

TheESTP10-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)TheHarmonyfunctionencouragescompassion,helpsustakecareofeachother,andallowsus tomakestrongemotionalconnections. Itprovidesan instinctiveunderstandingofpeople’sneedsandhow toget themmet.Harmonyusers tapintosocialdynamicstomakesurepersonalboundariesarehonored,whichkeepsmoralehigh.

ESTPscanusetheHarmonyfunctiontocommittotheirrelationships.Harmony

canhelpanESTPdevelopwarmthandkindness.Itcanalsohelpthempersuadeothers through humor and other positive shared emotions. Additionally,HarmonyhelpsESTPsremembertheirresponsibilitytoabiggercommunityandencouragesthemtocontributepositively.

As an extraverted function, Harmony allows the ESTP to access a judgingprocesswhileavoiding their innerworld.Thiscanbeokayat times,but if theESTP gets used to relying onHarmony to support their perceptions, they canrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirintrovertedjudgingCopilot,Accuracy.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForESTPs,thisusuallymanifestsasseekingapprovalfromotherpeopletoavoidtroublinginnertruths.

Harmonyis,inalargepart,aboutcheckinginwithotherpeople.Harmonyusersconsultwithhowothersarefeelingtovettheirownopinions.PeoplewhohaveHarmonyasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontoinfluence society andmeet the needs of others.But you’re anESTP,meaningyou’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhenconsultingyourpersonallogicwithoutthedisruptionofotherpeople’sinfluence.

If your10-Year-Oldgets tohave the final callwithout consulting theCopilot,it’sgoingtoseetheworldlikeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatjudgingthevalidity of other’s opinions, and without the radically honest analysis of thesituation provided byAccuracy, theESTPmay hand over toomuch power totheirrelationshipsorotherpeople’sopinions.

The10-Year-OldHarmonycanmanifestbylettingotherpeopleset thetoneofhowtheESTPshould live their lifeorhowtheyshouldfeelabout themselves.Frustrated by the feeling of disempowerment, they may use emotions tomanipulate or to bully people, and relationships can become codependent.Howeveritshowsup,itsmotiveistoprotecttheperceptionsofSensationand,ultimately,theESTP’sveryidentity.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ESTP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheAccuracyfunction.

Short-termloop.Thismaylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.Feelingthediscomfortof theirowncontradictory thoughtsandwantingtosilenceboth theinner voice andwhatever triggered it, theESTPwill use emotion defensively.Thiscanshowupmanyways,butitusuallylookslikeeitherangerorajokingdismissiveness toward others. Plugging into a shared emotional experiencerenders introspective, analytic thinking impossible for the ESTP. Once thecognitivedissonance retreats back into a deeper place and canbe ignored, theESTPwillbebackingoodhumor.

Long-term loop.The secondstyleof looping is amore long-termstrategy. Inordertomanagetroublingthoughts,theESTPwillrelytooheavilyonintimaterelationships toset the tonefor their lives.Theywilloutsource their importantbeliefsandvaluestoothers,fearingtofollowtheirownlogictoitsconclusion.Theywillbelieve inpartial truths thatsound logicalon thesurfaceandpursueanswers to questions only as long as those answers remain nonthreatening totheirlifestyleandthepeopleintheirlives.Thisloopismarkedbycodependentrelationships.

Habitualloop.Thethirdstyleofloopingisamindsetandlifestylemadeupofcompulsive praise seeking. Instead of determining their own sense of worthusingsubjective,radicallyhonestcriteria,theESTPcompulsivelyseekspraisetobolster their self-esteem. Sometimes there is enough self-awareness to realizethatout-and-outbraggingisconsidereddistasteful,butregardless,theESTPwillcompulsively put themselves at the center of attention. They may single outanotherpersonorgroupofpeopletomakefunof,pickfightstoshowcasetheirown intelligence, or argue everything to exhibit intellectual dominance. TheESTPwillcategorizepeopleinto“smart”and“stupid,”andseekapprovalfromthosedeemedsmart.Theworsetheloop,themorepeoplearedehumanized,onlyseenasvaluableif theyofferpositivefeedback.AnypuncturingoftheESTP’sself-imageismetwithangerand,intheworstcases,banishment.

ReflectionThewaysSensationandHarmonycanloopinanESTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseHarmony

Ifyoufindyourselfcompromisingyourtruthinfavorofunhealthyrelationshipsorfeedback,thisisabaduseoftheHarmonyfunction.TapintoAccuracyandaskyourself,“WhatkindoflifedoIhaveifit’sbuiltonalie?”

That said, if youwant to share yourself fullywith another person, connectingwiththembasedonwhoyoutrulyareandwhatyoutrulybelieve,Harmonycanhelpguideyou.Itcanhelpyoudeliverhardtruthswithcompassion.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingdishonest.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type love connectingwith friends, being intimate, and helpingeveryonehaveagoodtime.YoucanalsouseHarmonytofeelmotivatedbyyourcompassion,reachouttothoselessfortunate,andbegenerousforasocialcause.

TheESTP3-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)As a 3-Year-Old process, Perspectives for the ESTP is the part of them that

whispersfromtheshadows.Normallyindifferenttofutureimplications,deepermeaning,andesoterictopics,suddenlytheESTPwillobsessaboutadarkfuture,orbecomeparanoidaboutforcesouttogetthem.

There are three ways an ESTP experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolof thecar.This ismost likely tohappenwhentheESTPbehaves inanoverly impulsive or cavalier way, creating problems for themselves thatimmediateactioncan’tsolve.

Short-termgrip.ThoughtheESTPisusuallyactive,social,andoptimistic,the3-Year-Old will cause them to withdraw and show up feeling pessimistic,irritable, and joyless.TheESTPwill feel a need to be alone to ruminate overtheirthoughts,buttotheirdisappointment,solutionsaren’tfound.Thisleadstoagrumpyisolation,wheretheESTPstewsintheirownmisery.

Long-term grip. This is marked by paranoia and suspicion. Though lessdebilitating than the first grip experience, it can be drawn out to become ageneral attitude about life.TheESTPmayproject ill intent onto other people,believingthatapersonorgrouporpeopleisouttogetthemortheirkind.Therealso may be some paranoia about impersonal threats, like germs, which mayresult in excessive handwashing or showering. This grip experience robs theESTPoftheirusuallygenerousattitude.

Habitualgrip.This isparticularlyinsidious,andcanclaimanESTPformuchof their lives.The3-Year-OldPerspectivesfunctionattempts tomakemeaningfromtheconfusing,unpleasant,andsometimestraumaticexperiencestheESTPhas faced. Unsure how to proceed, the Perspectives function may cause theESTPtoapplycosmicoruniversalmeaningtoasituationwithoutanymerit.Forexample,inresponsetoatrauma:“Ideservethis,”or,“Iknowtoomuch.”The3-Year-Old may aim to spiritually balance the scales, leading the ESTP tobelieveabadsituationissomehowdivinejusticeorinalignmentwiththewillofGod.Sincethisgripislessintensebutmorepersistent,ifconfronted,theESTPmay claim to be happy. Ultimately, this grip is the result of indecision andfearingthedireconsequencesofdoingwrong.

HowtoBestUsePerspectives

The best way to use Perspectives as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,getinsideasaferspace inside your mind. Do a simple meditation where you focus on yourbreathing.Dosomeyoga.Praytowhicheverdeityyouworship.Talktoyourselfasyouwoulda friendyou’re coaching througha tough time. Ifyou’rehavingtrouble focusing on your mind, take a shower while you’re meditating orpraying.

Remember,Perspectivesisanintrovertedprocess,somakesureyouhaveplentyofuninterruptedalonetime.Thirtyminutesshouldbelongenough,butfeelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyou’restillnotfeelingsettled,takeanaporsetasideanentiredaytojustwalkandruminate.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromfeelingasifyouhavetodosomething.Makesureyou’regettingasfarintoyourmindaspossible.OnceyourDriverhastaken enough of a break, you can usually come back to the situation with awholenewoutlook.Then,takesmall,manageablestepstofeelbackincontrol.

UsingPerspectivesinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoicethat whispers in the back of your mind. Perspectives as an aspiration canencourageESTPstoplungetheirownhiddendepthsandlivealifeofmeaning.People of your type are inspirations as athletes, celebrities, entrepreneurs, andearlyresponders,buttheyhavetoreachoutforitandbelieveinthemselves.

ReflectionThewaysPerspectivescangripanESTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyPerspectives3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER9

ESFPPersonalityType

ESFPs are almost always likable people. They can be energetic, fun, goodnatured,open,andexpressive.Theyhavetheability tomaster theirbodiesandusethemasanartform.Theyshowcasedeepemotionaltruthsthroughphysicalengagementandactivity.

BecausetheneedforexpressionlivesdeepintheheartoftheESFP,theyareoneofthemostmagnetic,energetic,andphysicallyexpressivetypes.ESFPshaveanincredible talent for reading body language and understanding others byobserving their nonverbal cues. They often enjoy high-octane activities thatmake them feel fully alive. On the other hand, they can become bored whenforcedtobequietandstillinordertoproduceouter-worldresults.

IftheESFPdoesn’tslowdownenoughtogetintouchwiththeirmostimportantcore values, they can end up losing their sense of identity to an ever-growingworld of outer stimulation. Over time, if the ESFP spends too much time inmotion,theymaybecomeresentfulordetachedandforgetwhotheytrulyare.

ThebestESFPsmaintainahealthybalancebetweenlivingtheircorevaluesandexpressingtheiridentityinadynamicandenergeticfashion.

TheESFPDriverIsSensation(Se)It’simportanttorememberthattheSensationprocessisatalent,andthatmeansnot every ESFP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.Developing Sensation as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingESFP. Sensation, when developed and sharpened, allows you to simplifyproblemsandtakeaction;bepresent,realistic,andplayful;andpushyourlimits.

SimplifyProblems

HealthySensationusersdon’thaveaproblemwithoveranalyzing;instead,theyreduce situations down to their fundamentals and address themhead-on.Theytake action immediately, happy to have something on which to expend theirenergy. In thisway,SensationDrivershandleproblemsquicklywithout lettingthem stack up.While there are complexities in life thatmust be addressed assuch, ESFPs know that much of life is a matter of simply showing up andcarving a direct path. They enjoy a sense of responsibility and getting thingsdone, as opposed to being self-indulgent with their time. Taking action alsohelpsanESFPdevelopawidevarietyofskills.Theycanbecomeexcellentearly

responders,whetherprofessionallyorvoluntarily.

ExerciseTurnyourcellphone’svoicemailoffforaweek,onlyallowingyourselftotakecallsas theycome.This letsyouremovea“to-do”itemfromyourlist(callingpeopleback)infavorofhandlingbusinessinthemoment.

ReflectionNamethreetasksyou’vebeenavoidingthatyoucouldtakecareofimmediately:

Name a skill (like playing amusical instrument) you’ve been dreaming aboutstartingbuthavebeenputtingoff:

Makeacommitmentwithyourselftofinishthesetasksandthenbeginbuildingthatskillbythisdate:______________

BePresentandPlayful

“Seeing is believing,” as it’s often said, and the Sensation process is alwaysscanning for the facts that can be directly experienced. Tapping into the real-time feedback of the world means ESFPs notice most details about people,places, and things. For example, all people betray what’s going on inside ofthemselveswith“tells,”uniqueactions that flag their internalcondition.WhentheSensationfunctionispresentinthemoment,otherpeople’stellsareobvious,andmuchof relationshipbuilding isbasedon theESFP’sability to readbodylanguage.

The ability to be present lets ESFPs look at life through a philosophical lens.Theymay feel that life is unpredictable and has to bemet with flexibility. Itdoesn’treallyservepeopletobetoofinickyabouttheirexperience.Thoughtheymightbeabletoanticipatethefuture,theystillcan’tforeseeit.Complainingisawaste of time. It’smuch better to rollwith the punches and see if somethingbetter canbemadeof it.Becauseof this viewpoint,SensationDriversusuallyhaveaprettygoodsenseofhumorandastrongplayfulspirit.Lifeistobelived,notendlesslycontemplated.AnESFPmightsay,“Don’tletthefuturerobyouofyourpresent.”

ExerciseFindapartner.Haveaconversationwiththemwhereyougettotalkbuttheycanonlyusenonverbalcues.Findouthowfarintotheconversationyoucangetandstillbeaccurateaboutwhatthey’retryingtocommunicatetoyou.

ReflectionIamgoingtolivemoreinthepresentmomentby:

PushtheLimit

Sensationlovestopushimposedphysicallimitations.Theirabilitytoimprovisequickly as well as their heightened awareness helps them become excellentathletes, if that’s where they choose to focus their attention. Tools becomeextensions of their body, from cars to musical instruments, and ESFPs canbecome thebest in theworldatusing these tools, coupledwithquick reflexesand the ability to thinkwell under pressure. If theESFP ismore interested inscience than athletics, they can use the Sensation function to push themselves

cerebrallybybecomingsurgeons,chemists,andentrepreneurs.Developing thisaspect of Sensation increases theESFP’s self-esteem and brings inspiration toothers.

ExerciseYou are probably already doing an activity that stretches you: participating insometypeofsport,playingamusicalinstrument,orstretchingyourselfinyourbusiness. Add a new physical limitation to your hobby or craft, and/or useequipmentinanewway.Forexample,practicetrickshotswithabasketballorwhenplayingpool,learntoplayafullsongonyourmusicalinstrumentwithjustone hand,etc. If you do not currently have a hobby or craft that is using thisaspectofSensation,beginoneimmediately.Pushingyourbodywithexerciseistheeasiestandhealthiestonetointroduce.

ReflectionIamgoingtotestmylimits,pushmyself,andincreasemyself-esteemby:

SettingUptheRightConditionsThe enemyofSensation is inactivity. If you’re not using this process enough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofenergyandmaybecomedepressed.Beingchainedtoadesk,forcedtodotoomuchplanningoresotericmeaning-makingcauses thefunctiontoatrophy.

As your ESFP Driver, Sensation is your Flow state, so set up your dailyconditions to access this mental process often. For example, picking up newskills,talkingwithavarietyofpeople,andhavingadailyexerciseroutineareallgreatwaystokeeplifeexcitingandinteresting.

When Sensation is young, it can show up as impulsiveness, rebellion, andsuperficiality.Unsurewheretodirectitsenergy,thefunctioncanengageyouinhigh-octaneanddangerousactivities,becomingaddictedtotheadrenalinerush.Tapped into the body’s responses, addictions to food, alcohol, and othersubstances can take over. Sensation users can also become overly concernedwiththeirappearance,unabletoreadotherpeople’sbodylanguagewithoutfearofbeingjudged.

ESFPsmust get in touch with their identity, becoming less reactive to outer-worldfeedback.Insideofthemselves,they’llfindcharacter,depth,andintegrity.

ReflectionThetalentsSensationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseSensationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopSensationmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheESFPCopilotIsAuthenticity(Fi)Without an introverted judging process, the ESFP is not complete. Withoutdeveloping a strong inner character, the ESFPwill become overly reactive tofeedbackfromtheworld.Theymayfeellikethey’remissingoutormovingtooslowtomaketheimpacttheywishtomake.Bytryingtodotoomuch,theyendupaccomplishinglittle.

An introverted judgingprocessempowers theESFP to find theirownsenseofidentity,slowdownenoughtolistentotheirdeepestmotivations,andgetasenseofwhat’strueforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat,liketheDriverfunction,theCopilotprocessisatalent.Butthatdoesn’tmeaneveryESFPwillhavethesameskillleveloruseitin a healthy way. Developing Authenticity as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingESFP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanintrovertedfunctionasanExtravert.ForanESFP,workingonAuthenticitywon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonSensation,sodisciplineandattentionontherichrewardsAuthenticitybringswillbekey.

CoreValuesandEthicsBeing aware of one’s emotional responses at all times creates an ethicalcomplication. A person may feel one way in one situation but completelydifferentinaseeminglyidenticalsituation.Theymustlearntojudgethecontextof their reactions: Are their responses fully subjective, or are they based oncertainprinciplesthatcanbeusedtoguidefuturebehaviors?

What is a truly ethical action?When one feels the full emotional force of all

behaviors, they ask this question frequently to create a personal list ofwhat’sethicalandwhatisn’t.Sincethemajorityofbehaviorsfallonaspectrum,ESFPsareprettylaidbackaboutmostactionspeopletake.Apersonmaybeinsensitiveor obtuse, but unless they offend one of the ESFP’s core values or trueprinciples,thebehaviorislikelytobeforgottenorevengounnoticed.

Once a core value has been upset, however, the Authenticity process willimmediately register the offending action as unacceptable, and the ESFPwillhavetofigureouthowtodealwiththeoffense.Atthispoint,theymaybecomeuncharacteristicallyimpassioned,outraged,andaggressive.

Thisiswhyitisincrediblyimportanttoknowone’scorevaluesandrevisethemfrequently. It’s important for an Authenticity user to not simply default towhatever feelsgood in themoment,orget locked intovalues formedata lesssophisticatedage.Whenone’scorevaluesaresetinyouthandnotreviewed,aperson can show up as self-absorbed, indulgent, and fixated on their ownexperience.AtrulyhealthyAuthenticityfunctionwilldraftasetofvalues thatarebothmeaningfulandadaptable.Justlikepeoplechangeandgrow,one’scorevaluesshouldchangeandgrowwiththem.AsanESFPgetstoknowthemselvesbetter over time, their core values will be a natural emergent of greater self-knowledge.

ExerciseCorevaluesareguidingprinciples.Inallsituations,corevaluesdeterminerightorwrongandletyouknowifyou’reontherightpath.Takeasheetofpaperandwritedownallbehaviorsyoubelieveareeitherrightorwrong,regardlessofthesituation. Give yourself plenty of time to do this exercise: hours, days, evenweeks.Feel free to revisit this listona regularbasisandrefine itasyou learnmoreaboutyourself.

ReflectionMytopfivecorevaluesare…because…:

FivecorevaluesthatIhavereevaluatedandadaptedovertheyearsare:

InnerAlignmentandConviction

Everyonehas experienced inner conflict, but theCopilotAuthenticity functionknowsthatbeingof twominds is just the tipof the iceberg.Focusedonbeingtruetothemselves,ESFPsknowthereisn’tjustoneself;rather,there’salegionofvoices inside,allvyingforattention. It’sdifficult toknowwhat todowhenlisteningintentlytoallthosevoices,eachwiththeirownagenda.

The task of Authenticity is to listen closely to what each part of their innercouncilissayingandprioritizebasedonwhat’strue,what’sright,andwhatwillgetneedsordesiresmet.

IftheburdenofAuthenticityistolistentoone’sinnercouncil,theresponsibilityofAuthenticityistoleadthosevoicesintoalignment.Or,iftheycan’tbeinfullchorus,Authenticitymust determinewhich parts should have the stage at anygiventime.

Theeasiestdecisionsareonesthatpresentnoinnerconflict,whichcouldbesaidto align with convictions. The moments when all inner voices are in fullagreement are beautifulmoments and produce suchmomentum that theESFPcanfeelunstoppable.It’sdifficultforAuthenticityuserstofeelmotivatedwhen

they feel uncertain, but once certainty is on the table, the ESFP becomes anunstoppableforcecapableofextraordinaryfeats.

Managing the inner council of voices and ideas is a skill that must be built,similar tomanaging groups of people. It’s imperative for anESFP to learn toprioritizetheirneedsanddesiresbasedoncorevaluesandacodeofethics,notsimplywhatfeelsgoodinthemoment.

Self-confidencecomesfromseekingoutdissentingvoicesandsittingwiththem,asking difficult questions, and considering what the answers mean for theESFP’s identity. If some of those voices are unhealthy and have ill intent, itbecomestheESFP’sresponsibilitytohealthatpartofthemselves,orevenallowthetoxicpartsofthemselvestodie.It’sapainfulprocessthatcanfeellikeliteraldeath to Authenticity users, but it is a crucial aspect of self-management andself-leadership.

ExerciseThinkofadecisionyou’vebeenruminatingon,maybeevenputtingoff.Listenforany internalconflict. Imagineyourself inacouncil roomwhereeachvoicecomesupwithacompellingargument.Allowthemplentyoftimetogetthroughtheirconcerns,considerations,andvalidpoints.Aftereachvoicehasstatedtheircase,pulloutyourlistofcorevalues.Askyourselfwhichargumentsaremostinalignmentwithyourcorevalues,andwhysomeofthevoicesmaybecountertoyour values. If this is a values-based decision, why are some of the voicesrepresentingasolutionthatrunscountertoyourvalues?Aretheselessmatureorunhealedpartsofyourself?Whatwouldpersuade them to stayconsistentwithyour values? Alternatively, is it a decision that isn’t values based? Is moreinformationneededandarethevoicesstumped?Doyouneedtolearnmoreandrevisitthecouncillater?

ReflectionWhatpartsofyourselfhaveyoubeenavoiding listening to? Is itbecause theyaren’t saying things of value, or because what they have to say representschangesforwhichyoumaynotfeelready?

Being kind to myself, I’m going to address these parts by:

Sympathy,Art,andEmotionalAikidoSo much of the human experience is impossible to express using verballanguage.Despitethat,allofushaveaneedtounderstandeachotherandtobeunderstood. When Authenticity is in its infancy, a person can be quite self-absorbed.Without sharpening the function, anESFPwill stay fixated on theirownexperience,unabletosurfacelongenoughtofeelsympathywithothers.

Over time and with development, Authenticity users recognize that otherpeople’s experiences are incredibly real to them, and so they offer theircompassion and sympathy. People with Authenticity Copilots know that tounderstand a person’s inner workings is to demonstrate their emotions andmotivationsbacktothem,showingthatallpeoplesharethesethingsincommonand can also experience them on a deeply personal level. Themost powerfulmediumthroughwhichhumansaccomplishthistaskisartandself-expression.

Throughout history,Authenticity users have found themselves to be unable toconvey their own subjective emotional experience in conversation, which hasdriventhemtobecomeartists.Theyhavebecomegreatatreplicatinganaspectofhumanity in a single, time-boundpieceof art: painting, song,poem, statue,choreographeddance,performance,oreventheirlifestyle.Thefoundationofartis the expression of universal human experiences, honoring that it will bepersonalizedbythereceiver.

Authenticity uses art to perform emotional aikido (page 53), transforming one

person’senergyintoasharedexperience.It’sdifficulttodenythepoignancyofasharedexperience,or to judge itharshly.Authenticityencouragesonlookers toseethemselvesandtheworldwithsympathy.

ExerciseCommunicate an emotion to a friendwithoutusingwords.Youmayusehandgestures, facial expressions, drawings, noises, and sounds. Ask your friend iftheyunderstoodtheemotionyouweretryingtoshare,andif theywereabletoreplicatetheemotionwithinthemselvesbylinkingittotheirownexperience.

ReflectionHow can I use my chosen art form to help me better understand others andmyself?

If youdonot currentlyhave an art form,what is a style of art you’ve alwaysbeenattractedto?Whatisthelowestbarrierofentrytobeginengaginginthisartform?

CopilotGrowth

AuthenticityallowsyouasanESFP tomakedecisions that resonatewithyourcore identity and inner wisdom. When you evaluate decisions, Authenticityallows you to ask the question, “Does this feel right to me?” It’s a feelingprocessconcernedwithidentity,motivation,andconsistencyofcorevalues.

Authenticity encourages you as an ESFP to ignore expedience and insteadchoosemeaningandalignment.AnESFPwilllosetheirdirectionandtruepathinlifeiftheydotheopposite.

Growing your Authenticity can be a challenge for you as an ESFP. It takesmaturitytostopusingouter-worldresultsasasignyou’reontherighttrack,andinsteaddeveloptheabilitytofindtheprojectsandtasksthataretherightfitforyourheart.

EverypersonalitytypetendstoavoidgrowingtheirCopilotmentalprocess.Buthere lies the power of understanding your personality. Don’t see yourAuthenticityasahindrance.Rather,embracetheslowerpaceofgettingintothismentalprocessbecause itgivesyoutheopportunity toslowdownandbecomepresentasanESFP.

Foryou,itfeelsrighttofocusonyourcorevalues,trueinternalmotivations,anddesires.Itshouldfeelinalignmentthattocontinuedoingtherightthings,you’llneedtolookinwardtodiscoverwhatreallymatterstoyouonacorelevel.Startaskingyourself,“WhatemotionalimpactdoIwanttocreateinmylife?”Spendsomefocusedintrovertedtimethinkingabouthowyoupersonallyfeel.Dowhatittakestoaccessyourinnerwisdom.

• Seeifyoucanmapyouremotionstopartsofyourbody.

• Eachtimeyouarefacedwithadecision,closeyoureyesandaskyourselfwhatfeelsrightinthatmoment.

• Inthemiddleofadisagreement,payattentiontohowyouarefeelinginthemoment.

AsanESFP,youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyouget inside your heart and map your inner values and motivations. And, mostimportantly,youwillbecomeastrong leaderofpeopleasopposed tobeingattheirmercy.

Reflection

ThetalentsAuthenticitycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAuthenticityare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAuthenticitymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourAuthenticityprocesstoday:

TheESFP10-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)When you use Effectiveness, you make decisions based on what works. Theprocessisfocusedonstructure,projectmanagement,andgettingthingsdone.Itdesires organization and systems that are self-managing, and can provide themotivationtoworkhardandseefruitsofitslabor.

TheESFPcanuse theEffectiveness function to set goals andbuild resources.Effectiveness can help them optimize their skills and talents, while inspiringotherstoworkonbiggerprojectsthattheESFPcan’taccomplishalone.Itgivesthem leadership qualities and drive. However, as a 10-Year-Old function,Effectivenesscanprioritizeexpedienceattheexpenseofauthenticexpression.

Asanextraverted function,Effectiveness allows theESFP to access a judgingprocesswhileavoiding their innerworld.Thiscanbeokayat times,but if theESFPgetsusedtorelyingonEffectivenesstosupporttheirperceptions,theycanrationalize skipping development of their introverted judging Copilot,Authenticity. And that’s when the trouble starts. For ESFPs, this usuallymanifestsaslettingotherpeople’sexpectationsdefinetheirvaluesystem.

Effectivenessis,inlargepart,aboutcreatingasharedsystemofvaluesbasedonwhatgetsthingsdone.PeoplewhohaveEffectivenessasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontoaccomplishbigthings.Butyou’reanESFP,meaningyou’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhencreatingavaluesystembasedonyourfeelings,notwhenyou’reconformingtotheworld’sexpectations.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheCopilotofAuthenticity,it’sgoingtoseetheworldlikeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatprioritizing their livesbasedonenterprise. If anESFPdoesn’tknowwhat’sauthentictothemandinsteadprioritizesbasedonwhatalargernetworkdeemseffective, they may allow their values and life direction to be determined byother people’s agendas. Losing a grip on their identity, an ESFP may burythemselvesinaflurryofactivitytoavoidself-reflectingonhowdistancedtheyarefromtheirtrueselves.

Howeveritshowsup,themotiveofEffectivenessasa10-Year-OldistoprotecttheDriver’sperceptionsand,ultimately,theESFP’sself-worth.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ESFP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheAuthenticityprocess.

Short-term loop. The ESFPwill become forceful to protect themselves. Thisoften manifests as actual aggression—punching walls, yelling at others, evenbecoming physically or verbally violent. In this,way theESFP communicatesthat they’reunstable,evencrazy,andforcesothers tobackdown.Byfocusingon intimidation, the ESFP has no room for introspection or other people’sexperiences.

Long-term loop. This strategy is perpetual busyness. Preoccupied with awhirlwindoftasksandresults,theESFPcan’tslowdownenoughtoaskifwhatthey’reworkingoniswhattheyreallywant.Inthiscase,allattentionisfocusedon the outside world. If in a position of authority, the ESFP may become amicromanager, certain that others are being lazy, incompetent, and wasteful.Nitpickingtheactivitiesofothersleavesnotimetoself-assess.

Habitual loop.Tobe seenascompetent, theESFPwill align theirvaluesandidentitywithwhateversocietyexpects.Overtime,theycompletelylosetrackofwhotheyareastheyseektoreceivefeedbackthatthey’redoingtherightthing,stayingon the right track, and impressing everyone.Unable to trust their self-evaluation,theybasetheirself-respectontheopinionsofothers.Thisisthemostdifficult loop to interrupt,asmostculturescelebrate the results thatcomewithEffectivenessandoftencriticize the“wastefulness”ofAuthenticity.TheESFPloseswhoaretheyareinexchangeforapproval.

ReflectionThewaysSensationandEffectivenesscanloopinanESFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseEffectiveness

If you find yourself compromising your values and identity in favor ofproductivityorpraise, this is abaduseof theEffectiveness function.Tap intoAuthenticity andaskyourself, “Whohave I become?Whoam Ibecoming? IsthisthepersonItrulywanttobe?”

That said, in times that you feel inspired to lead yourself and others towardhealthy goals in life or to streamline and problem-solve challenges,Effectivenesscanhelpguideyou.Itcanhelpyousetandaccomplishgoals.Justdon’tgetfooledintolosingyourself.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy team sports, entrepreneurship, emceeing,organizingfunevents,andhostingparties.Youcanalsousethisprocesstogetbigprojectsdoneandorganizesocialcauses.

TheESFP3-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)As a 3-Year-Old process, Perspectives for the ESFP is the part of them thatwhispersfromtheshadows.Normallyindifferenttofutureimplications,deepermeaning,andesoterictopics,suddenlytheESFPwillobsessaboutadarkfuture,orbecomeparanoidaboutforcesouttogetthem.

There are three ways an ESFP experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolof thecar.This ismost likely tohappenwhentheESFPbehaves inanoverly impulsive or cavalier way, creating problems for themselves thatimmediateactioncan’tsolve.

Short-termgrip.ThoughtheESFPisusuallyactive,social,andoptimistic,the3-Year-Oldcausesthemtowithdrawandshowupfeelingpessimistic,irritable,and joyless. The ESFP will feel a need to be alone to ruminate over theirthoughts, but to their disappointment, solutions aren’t found. This leads to agrumpyisolation,wheretheESFPstewsintheirownmisery.

Long-termgrip.Marked by paranoia and suspicion, this is a less debilitatinggrip than the first experience, but it can be drawn out to become a generalattitudeaboutlife.TheESFPmayprojectillintentontootherpeople,believingthatapersonorgrouporpeopleisouttogetthemortheirkind.Therealsomaybe some paranoia about impersonal threats, like germs, which may result inexcessive handwashing or showering. This grip experience robs the ESFP oftheirusuallygenerousattitude.

Habitualgrip.Thisisparticularlyinsidious,andcanclaimanESFPformuchoftheir lives. The 3-Year-Old Perspectives function attempts to make meaningfromtheconfusing,unpleasant,andsometimestraumaticexperiencestheESFPhas faced. Unsure how to proceed, the Perspectives function may cause theESFPtoapplycosmicoruniversalmeaningtoasituationwithoutanymerit.Forexample,inresponsetoatrauma:“Ideservethis,”or,“Iknowtoomuch.”The3-Year-Old may aim to spiritually balance the scales, leading the ESFP tobelieveabadsituationissomehowdivinejusticeorinalignmentwiththewillofGod.Sincethisgripislessintensebutmorepersistent,ifconfronted,theESFPmay claim to be happy. Ultimately, this grip is the result of indecision andfearingthedireconsequencesofdoingwrong.

HowtoBestUsePerspectivesThe best way to use Perspectives as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,getinsideasaferspace inside your mind. Do a simple meditation where you focus on yourbreathing.Dosomeyoga.Praytowhicheverdeityyouworship.Talktoyourselfasyouwoulda friendyou’re coaching througha tough time. Ifyou’rehavingtrouble focusing on your mind, take a shower while you’re meditating orpraying.

Remember,Perspectivesisanintrovertedprocess,somakesureyouhaveplentyofuninterruptedalonetime.Thirtyminutesshouldbelongenough,butfeelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyou’restillnotfeelingsettled,takeanaporsetasideanentiredaytojustwalkandruminate.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromfeelingasifyouhavetodosomething.Makesureyou’regettingasfarintoyourmindaspossible.OnceyourDriverhas

taken enough of a break, you can usually come back to the situation with awholenewoutlook.Then,takesmall,manageablestepstofeelbackincontrol.

UsingPerspectivesinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoicethat whispers in the back of your mind. Perspectives as an aspiration canencourageESFPstoplungetheirownhiddendepthsandlivealifeofmeaning.People of your type are inspirations as athletes, celebrities, entrepreneurs, andearlyresponders,buttheyhavetoreachoutforitandbelieveinthemselves.

ReflectionThewaysPerspectivescangripanESFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

My Perspectives 3-Year-Old inspires me/is my aspiration in these ways:

CHAPTER10

INTJPersonalityType

At the core of every INTJ is a desire for sustainability, an aim tomake surethingsworkforthelongterm.Thereisanalmostunstoppabledesiretoseehowalloperationscanbeimproved.

WhenanINTJobservesanexistingsystem—abusinessplan,amodel,orevenaconcept—they instinctively seek to identify the failure or stress points.Whatelementsaregoingtobreakdownovertime?

INTJsdonotfeeltheyhavealotofphysicalenergytoburnorwaste,buttheypossessalmostendlessamountsofmentalenergy:“IfIcanthinkaboutthislongenough,ifIcanfigureitoutinsideofmyownmind,thenwhenIimplementitinthe outside world, I can set it and forget it.” There can be idealism aroundmaking a beautiful model that perpetually runs, and this can hamstring theirabilitytogetthingsdone.Theirneedtodo“justalittlemoreresearch”isbothastrengthandchallengetoovercome.

Thepracticeoffuture-pacingallpossibleoutcomesismorethanjustutilitarianfor INTJs; it’s a pleasure. Many INTJs are futurists and are fascinated withemergingtechnologies,aswellasthedirectionhumankindisheaded.

INTJs are more sensitive than others give them credit for, even when theyattempt to marginalize this part of themselves. They are built somewhat likearthropods,withahardexoskeletonoveragooey,nougat-likecenter.Becauseofthis,theycanbeself-protectiveandslowtobuildrelationships,thoughtheyarefiercelyloyaloncethey’veinvitedsomeoneintotheirheart.

TheINTJDriverIsPerspectives(Ni)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every INTJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingPerspectivesasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingINTJ.

The Perspectives function is the least-represented mental process in thepopulation, and so often considered the most misunderstood. When it’s fullydeveloped, Perspectives helps the INTJ see the world from another person’spointofview,receivedeepinsight,andseeintothefuture.

PerspectivesofOthers

SincethePerspectivesDriverwatchesitsownmindformpatterns,itbuildstheskillofdetaching from itsownperspective. In thisdetachedspace, itbecomeseasytojumpintotheperspectiveofothers.

Beingabletoseethingsfromanotherperson’sworldviewhelpstheINTJexplainwhyothersdo the things theydo.PerspectivesDrivers realize thesimple truththat all actions, regardless of how confusing or distasteful they are to others,make sense to the person who committed them. It ceases to be a matter ofexplainingthebehaviorandbecomesamatterofexplaininghowitmadesensetotheindividual.

AsanINTJ,gettinginsideotherpeople’smindsmeansrecognizingnotonlyhowtheirexperienceshaveshapedthem,buttheconclusionsthey’vecometoabouthow life works. This can include their beliefs, paradigms, and strategies ofbehavior.

Influencingpeople toward a better future,whether theyhave smaller or largerambitions,meansrecognizingwhichmentalpatternsneedtobeimproveduponandhowtocommunicateinawaythatimpactsthosepatterns.

This doesn’t mean that all INTJs must be consultants or thought leaders.However, there is a strong pull for INTJs to help organizations and structurescarveabetterpath.Buildingtheskillsnecessaryfor influence—writing,publicspeaking, creating models, and showing results-based evidence—also benefitINTJs internally.Theycanshinea lighton thosepatternswithin theINTJ thatmaybeerroneous.

ExerciseThinkofaheinousactionorcontroversialpersonthatyoucan’tseeyourselfevercondoning. Insteadof jumping tocondemntheaction, takeamoment to reallygetinsidetheheadofthepersonwhoperformedtheaction.Howdidtheiractionmake complete sense to them at the time?Can you understand it sowell youcoulddefendittoanotherperson?Don’tfocusontheactitself,butonthemindofthepersonwhocommittedit.

NowthatyouareinaPerspectivesframeofmind,filloutthefollowingjournalprompt.Ifyoucannotthinkofanythingimmediately,feelfreetoruminateonthequestion. It may guide you to some uncomfortable places, and that’s okay.DevelopingyourPerspectivesprocessmeansgettingoutsideyourcomfortzone.Italsomeansapplyingthissamegenerosityofspirittoyourself.

ReflectionWhatpatternsareinsideofme(beliefs,perspectives,strategiesofbehavior)thatI’vebeenavoidinglookingat?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepatternsby:

DeepInsightThistypeofpatternrecognitionisbestdoneunconsciously,allowingthemindtowanderwherever it needs to go. INTJsmay find themselves getting their bestideaswhen theyfirstwakeup,orevenwhile theydream.Attempting todirectthesethoughtsmayactuallyinterrupttheprocess.Aninsightinprocesscanfeellikeabloodhoundonthescent,anditneedsfreedomtoexplorewhateveristhenextlead.Themindcanofferupburiedinsights,ifoneisquietenoughtohearthem.

ExerciseCreateagentle,quietspaceforonefullhour.Turnoffall sensorystimulation,turnoff lights, anddeaden anynoise.Ensurenoonewill interrupt youduringthistime.Consideryourfavoritequote.(Forexample,CarlSagansaid,“Wearea way for the universe to know itself.” Rumi said, “The wound is the placewhere the Light enters you.”) Set a timer.When one hour is up, immediatelywritedownwhereyourmindtookyou.

ReflectionMymostrecentinsightfromonehourofquiettimeis:

FuturePerspectivesINTJssolveproblemsbyshiftingperspectivesuntilthesolutionbecomesclear.Running simulations becomes second nature, watching how each possiblescenarioplaysoutovertime.UsingtheirDriverprocesstodothis,theINTJwillget into a flow state by future-pacing, andwill clockmany pleasurable hoursconsidering the fate of relationships, business, politics, technology, andhumanityitself.

This is a far healthier exercise than its bastard cousin, conspiracy theorizing.While some conspiracies are interesting thought exercises andmay even havesome foundation in truth, attempting to know the malevolent forces at workdoesn’t really help move the needle of humanity as much as it encouragesparanoia.ForINTJstobethebestversionofthemselves,askingwhat’spossiblefor humanity is generally better than assuming humanity is doomed (and onlytheINTJcanseeit).

ExercisePersonalize this skill by future-pacing. Theorize how an upcoming event oractivitywill pan out.Rehearse howyou expect to behave in the situation andhowotherswillrespondtoyou.Continuetodothisexercisewithmorecomplexsituations—social encounters, romantic evenings, board meetings, etc. If youfind yourself sabotaging situations in order to affirm your predictions (that is,expectingthatnobodywilltalktoyouatapartywhilespendingtheeveninginadark corner), whenever possible, future pace a positive outcome, the one you

wouldlovetoexperience.Whataresmallactionsthatinfluencethetrajectoryoftheoutcome?Weretheywhatyouexpected?

ReflectionWritedownthefivemostrecentpredictionsyoumadethatcametrue.

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofPerspectivesisdistraction.Perspectivesisadelicateprocess,andrequiresasmuchsensorydeprivationasyoucanaffordtogiveit.Becausethisisyour Driver, this is also the flow state, and if the process is not used oftenenough,theINTJwilleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.

So, set up your conditions to access thismental process asmuch as possible.Findaquietroominthehouseorofficewhereyoucangoinsideyourmindandlet itwatchasconnectionsform.This iswhenyouaremostcreative,andhowyousolveyourmajorproblems.

Also,makesureyousetupyourofficeorworkareafacingtheroom,withyourback to the wall. This is because distractions are jarring to the Perspectivesprocess,andifyourbackistotheroom,youendupdedicatingapieceofmentalreal estate tomaking sure those distractions can’t sneak up on you.Themoredistractionsyoucanseecoming,thelessmentalrealestateyouhavetodedicate,andthemorehigh-qualitythinkingyoucangetdone.

ReflectionThetalentsPerspectivescangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyusePerspectivesare:

I’mgoingtodevelopPerspectivesmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheINTJCopilotIsEffectiveness(Te)Withoutanextravertedjudgingprocess,theINTJisnotcomplete.Thepatternsandinsightsthatemergemaybeuncalibratedandfilledwithbias.TheINTJwillwonder,“Does thisworldview, thought,or insightactuallywork in theoutsideworld?Orisitaninsularpositionthatonlyworksinlimitedcontexts?”Withoutananswer,theINTJwillbecomeparanoidofencroachingthoughtsandstuckintheir ways, losing insight in favor of feeling invulnerable to others. AnextravertedjudgingprocessalsoempowerstheINTJtohaveatrueimpactintheworld by moving beyond simple theorizing to building proof of concept. Asopposed to sitting on the sidelines of life, they can become a proactive andempoweredplayer.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery INTJwillhave the sameskill leveloruse it in ahealthy way. Developing Effectiveness as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingINTJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an extraverted functionwhen one is anIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonPerspectives,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsEffectivenessbringswillbekey.

ResourceManagement

Time, energy, money—everything that is built requires resources to build it.Whenitcomestodeterminingwhichresourcestouse,theEffectivenessCopilothasanaturalinterestinreturnoninvestment(ROI).Isacertainresourceworththeeffort?Toanswerthatquestion,Effectivenessalsopaysspecialattentiontostresstests,whichhelpdetermineifsomethingcanholdupinthelongrun.

Ultimately,INTJsuseEffectivenessforsustainability.Theleastamountofeffortfor themost amount of return is great, but if it’s going to break quickly andrequiremoreeffort in the long run, it’snot trulyworth it.Thinkingona largescalehelpsinformwhetherornotsomethingwillpassthetestoftime.

ExerciseGetgoodatdeterminingthevalueofhumanoremotionalfactors.Timeisoftenoverlooked inROI,asare things likeemotionalexpense.Whendetermining ifsomething isworth effort, usemonetary gain as only one consideration. Takeinto account enjoyment of process, learning, and quality of product. ThestandardROIalgorithmisROI=(Gain−Cost)/Cost.Feelfreetocreateyourownalgorithmtoincorporatemorefactors.

ReflectionName three soft factors you tend to eitherwaste (or overprotect) thatmay beinterruptingyourROI:

JournaloneareaofyourlifewhereyouwouldliketoimproveyourROI.Usingthealgorithmabove(oroneyouhavecreated),stateanactionableplanthatwillhelp you get more out of the resource than you’re putting into it:

StreamlinedSystems

IfEffectivenesscouldbeexpressed inasinglequote, itmightbe,“Freedomisdefinedasasystemthatrunssowell,younolongerhavetothinkaboutit.”

Effectiveness,likeHarmony,isaboutattemptingtocreateanenvironmentwherepeople get their needs met. But unlike Harmony, the needs of Effectiveness

aren’temotional, they’relogistical.Systemshelpgroupsstayinaflowwithoutparticipantsgettingineachother’sway.Automobilefreewaysystemsareagreatexample of how streamlining keeps us all moving forward without having toreallythinkaboutit.Oncethesesystemsareinplace,evenbiggergoalscanbeattained,sinceaccomplishmentsbuilduponthemselves.

ExerciseThe next time you perform a task, document the process with a goal ofstreamliningthetask.Considerthattherearetwotypesofprocesses:criticalandoptional.Which steps arenecessary to the task, andwhichcanbe cut?Whichresources (time, money, energy) are necessary? Can you afford to pare theresourcesdownforoutcome?Onceyouhaveastep-by-stepprocedure,consultwith others who have accomplished this same task and discover if there wasanythingyoumissed.

ReflectionNamethreeresourcesyouneedtoimprovemanaging:

Now, look at your schedule. What are you prioritizing that compromises thepropermanagement of those resources? Record three to five ideas on how torecoupthoseresourcesintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildingNecessarySkills

EffectivenessCopilotscanshutoffpersonalfeelingsinordertogetthingsdone.Infact,itmaybearguedthatthisisthecorecompetencyofEffectiveness.Dailytasksaren’talwayspleasant,norisskillbuildingoutsideone’sareaofexpertise.INTJs sometimes struggle with socializing, emotional intelligence, romanticpartnerships,andinterestinmundanechores.Whileit’seasytoforgettheneedforthesethingsonaday-to-daybasis,eventuallytheycanpileup.Andattimes,it’sonlyobvious that these skills areunderdevelopedwhenanopportunity fortheirusehasalreadyslippedby.

When an INTJ builds a strong relationship with their Effectiveness Copilot,they’llbitethebulletandfocusonproficiencyinareasthatarenecessaryforlife.Anythingunnecessarycanbedelegated,aslongastheresourceshavebeenbuiltto hire themout or hand themoff.But for anything that can’t be delegated—cultivating friendships, finding love, maintaining physical health, performinghouseholdresponsibilities—theINTJcanleanonEffectivenesstohelpthemputtheirheaddown,muscle through,andmake ithappen,all thewhilebuildingasustainablesystemtokeepthebenefitsofthehardworkgoing.

ExerciseIdentify one area of your life you care about improving but have beenprocrastinating. It could be getting into better physical shape, improving yourdiet,findingaspouse,doingpublicspeaking,findingabetterjob,etc….Makealistofwhythisissomethingyouwant,andidentifywhathasbeenholdingyouback. Ask yourself howmuchmore rewarding your life would be if you juststartedworkingtowardit,evenifitisn’toptimaloridealinthebeginning.Paintapictureofwhat your lifewould look like if youwere to succeed.Write thisvisualizationoutandputitonyourrefrigerator.

ReflectionNameoneareaofyourlifeyouwouldliketoimprove:

Name three activities you can begin immediately that would address thisimprovement:

Atthebeginningofeachday,writedownwhatyouaregoingtodothatdaytoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

Attheendofeachday,writedownwhatyoudidtoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

CopilotGrowthEffectiveness is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. ItallowsyouasanINTJtomakedecisionsthatwillhelpyoubuildsomethingrealbyasking“Whatworks?WhatcanIdotodaythatwillimproveeachareaofmylifeby5percent?”

GrowingyourEffectivenesscanbeachallengeforyouasanINTJ. Itcanfeellike a threat to your ideas to have them vetted in the real world. It’s easy tospendalotoftimethinkingandruminatingonhowtheworldshouldbesetup,butwithout testingyour ideasandthoughts, theymaybemorehopefulfantasythan reality. Embrace the Effectiveness mental process, as it gives you the

opportunitytoputyourideasintoaction.

EffectivenessencouragesanINTJtogetoutoftheperfectionismcycle,becauseitembodiestheconcept“doneisbetterthanperfect.”Noideaiseverperfect,andaplancanfail.Butnobody’severlivedinablueprint.Ifyouwanttoquicklytestandrefineyourideassotheybecomestrongandpowerful,youwillneedtogetoutofyourcomfortzone.

Effectiveness encourages you to make something happen, like launching aprojectorbuildingsomething.AsanINTJ,yourmindisalreadywiredtomakethingshappen.Don’tignorethenaturaltalentthatyoupossess;developitintoaskill. You will bring the best version of yourself to the world when you getoutsideyourheadandcreatesomethingintheouterworld.Don’thesitatetoact;jumpintoyourcreativeprocesstomakethemostofEffectiveness.Forexample,create rapid prototypes of products or services you’ve been pondering, orpracticeleadershipskillsbyworkingonprojectswithotherpeople.

ReflectionThetalentsEffectivenesscangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseEffectivenessare:

I’mgoingtodevelopEffectivenessmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourEffectivenessprocesstoday:

TheINTJ10-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)Authenticityisfascinatedbythesubjectivehumanexperience,whichinitsmostsimple form translates into identity. “Who am I?” “What am I feeling rightnow?”“Whathasmeaningforme?”“WhatdoIbelieveisrightandtrueintheworld and what does that say about me?” Sorting through these complicatedquestions is a big task, especiallywhen an individual realizes the answers areever-changing.AsAuthenticitymatures,itacceptsthatmorematureversionsofoneselfmustreplaceyoungerversions.

Asa10-Year-Oldprocess,Authenticitymaystrugglewith theneed tochange,feeling that changingwho they aremakes them flaky or disingenuous. INTJsmaybeunawarethattheirinflexibilityismorerootedinstubbornnessthanitisinstayingtruetoself.

INTJscanuseAuthenticitytoseecontradictionswithinpeople,andunderstandhowcomplicatedpeoplereallyare.Whilerealizingthatmostpeopleneedmuchbettertools,suchastraining,education,purpose,andcompetence,theyalsohavean awareness that people are usually doing the best they can with what theyhave. Authenticity also gives INTJs an appreciation of aesthetics. The heartyearnsforbeauty,aslongasthatbeautyisclean-linedandmultipurpose.

As an introverted function, Authenticity allows the INTJ to access a judgingprocesswhile avoiding the outerworld. This can be okay at times, but if theINTJgetsusedtorelyinguponAuthenticitytohelpformconclusions,theycanrationalize skipping development of their extraverted judging Copilot,Effectiveness. And that’s when the trouble starts. This usually manifests asINTJsshuttingdownanddiggingintheirheels,especiallyiftheyfeelhurt.

Authenticityis,inalargepart,aboutintrospectionandconsultingyourpersonalfeelingsonamatter.Peoplewhohaveitasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit, and they usually look at the bigger implications of how things affect boththemselves and others.But as an INTJ, you’rewired to be at your bestwhenlookingatsituationobjectively,notsubjectively.Thismeansthatifyou’reinadefensiveplaceand feeling threatenedby information,you’ll endup forgingawall between yourself and anything you don’t want to listen to. You’ll takethingspersonally,misinterpretintent,andbecomeintractable.

AnotherwayAuthenticitycanmanifestitselfasa10-Year-Oldisbystayinginemotionalcomfortzones,includingonesthatdon’tservetheINTJ.Anexamplewould be avoiding relationships to prevent getting hurt, but rationalizing it asgoodresourcemanagement.

You may tell yourself you don’t have the time and effort to develop newrelationshipsandsoyouavoidgettingclosetopeople,whenreallyit’sthefearthatanunknownperson, if theywormtheirwayintoyourheart,mayhavetheabilitytohurtyou.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an INTJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheEffectivenessprocessandlettingthe10-Year-OldservetheCopilot.

Short-term loop.Thismayonly last fora fewmomentsup toa fewdays. Itsintent is to protect the INTJ from information that could be emotionallydistressing in the moment. If someone respected or close to them hurts theirfeelings, theycanuse the loop tobuilda fortressofpride. Insteadof itsusualroleofunderstanding,Perspectiveslaunchesintoconspiracytheorizing,and10-Year-OldAuthenticitysupportstheclaimsbybelievingtheoffenderwaseitherdeliberatelymaliciousorcapriciouslycareless.Eitherway,pridewon’tallowtheINTJtocrackinfrontoftheculprit,evenifthatpersonhappenstobealoverortrusted friend. Difficult conversations—the ones that would help smooth thesituationover—areavoided,andtheINTJlickstheirwoundsinprivate.

Long-termloop.Thestrategyofhidingfromresponsibilityisusuallyappliedincontextswhen life requiressomething fromthe INTJ that feelsbiggerormoredemandingthanit“shouldbe,”causingtheINTJtobecomeoverwhelmed.

This loop ismarked by avoidance and a belief that they shouldn’t have to doanything they don’t feel like doing. They’ll knowwhen they’re ready, they’llclaim;don’tpushthem.Alittlepridemayshowuphere,too.Ifpushedtoohard,the result can be a feeling of disdain. Avoiding responsibilities doesn’t makethem go away; it exacerbates them. What seems overwhelming at first canbecome a serious problem later in life.At itsworst, it can turn into perpetualfretting.

Habitual loop. This is possibly the most challenging to overcome:perfectionism. This loop encourages the INTJ to stay in the realm ofconceptualizing, becoming self-punishing if they aren’t able to executeflawlesslythefirsttime.Thepayoff?ThemoreperfectionanINTJrequiresfromtheirperformance,thelessphysicalenergyisrequired.

The biggest challenge with perfectionism is that there’s no incremental,measurableway to improve.Authenticity has become theirmetric: a desirableoutcome is judgedbyhowthe INTJfeelsabout theirperformance.Evenwhenfeedback tells them they’ve done a completely acceptable, if not outstanding,job,theINTJshrugsthisoff,knowingtheyhaven’tmettheirownimmeasurablestandards.

ReflectionThewaysPerspectivesandAuthenticitycanloopinanINTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseAuthenticity

If you find yourself getting overly sensitive, ignoring your tasks, or settingunrealistic expectations for yourself, this is a bad use of the Authenticityfunction.TapintoEffectivenessandaskyourself,“Yes,butwhatreallyworksinthis situation?Are these feelings getting in theway ofme accomplishingmygoals?”

That said,whenyou’vecarefully scrutinizedwhat’sobjectiveand rational andyourheartisstilltellingyousomethingisup,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoAuthenticity.Itspurposeistoinfluenceyoutodowhat’srightandbesensitiveto your own conscience. Just don’t let it fool you into becoming emotionallypricklyoramartyrinyourrelationships.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy “good vs. evil” stories (like Star Wars) andenjoyethicaldebates.YoucanalsouseAuthenticitytoshowsympathyforlovedonesandbeanemotionalrockintimesofdistress.

TheINTJ3-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)Sensationisdesignedtogetinsideyourbodyandbepresentinthemoment.Thepreferredfunctionofmanyathletesandperformers,Sensationtapsintohowthebodyisaninstrumentformovement,readingbodylanguageandseekinghigh-

adrenalineexperiences.It’sahere-and-nowfunction,andrestsintowhatevercanbeverifiedbyitssenses.

As a 3-Year-Old process, Sensation for the INTJ is the part of them thatwhispers from the shadows. Normally quite capable of ignoring or evenforgettingaboutthehere-and-now,suddenlyanINTJwillhaveadesireforthedeeply sensual, aroused from theirmind to remember that thepresentmomentalsoexistsandthere’sawholeworldofactivitythatneedsattention.

There are three ways an INTJ experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolofthecar.ThisismostlikelytohappenwhentheINTJ’sbodymaybebetrayingthemwithchronicillness.

Short-termgrip.WhentheDriverdoesn’tallowitselftocheckout,evenwhenstressed and exhausted, there’s a strong pull toward indulgences. 3-Year-Oldsrarelyknowwhentosaynotoapackageofcookies,andtheSensation3-Year-Oldisnodifferent.Overeating,overdrinking,andsexualaddictionareallsignsof the Sensation function trying to keep things going without understandinglimits.Hidingcandybarsinthedeskatworkisalittlethingtoprovideaburstofsugarneededtogetthroughtheday.DrinkingafterworkhelpstheINTJunwind,and three glasses of wine isn’t really that bad… or so Sensation wouldrationalize. These are moments when “You Can’t Even,” and a boost ofindulgencefeelsliketheleastofyourworries.ThisbehaviorignoresthefactthatSensation actually would prefer to honor the body, and rest and relaxation isalmostalwayswhatit’strulyseeking.

Long-term grip. Here, the INTJ experiences a quiet but insistent imageconsciousness.Theyareunsureofhowthey’rebeingperceived,thoughthey’reawarethatallpeoplearebeingjudgedbyshallowcriteria.Theymightbedealingwith the fear that others see them as less than they are, causing them tofrequentlyshowcase their intelligence, spend toomuchmoneyon flashystatussymbols,orundergoover-exercisingormilitantdietingtolooktherightpart.

It’s difficult to shake either of these strategies since the first two can feelimpossible tocontrol,and the last isperceivedbysocietyassimplystayingfitandhealthy. In either case, toomuchattention isgoing to the3-Year-OldandrobbingtheDriverofitsopportunitiesforinsightsandvision.

Habitual grip. Which leads us to the third experience of being in the grip:laziness.FearingtheworldwillneveraccepttheirPerspectivesinsightsorgivethemtheopportunitytoshowcasetheirtalents,theINTJwillfundamentallygiveupandpursuepleasure.Thisiseasilythemostdifficulttypeofgriptobreakfreeofandisalmostalwaysaccompaniedbysomeformofdepression.

HowtoBestUseSensationThebestwaytouseSensationasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,findanimmersivesensoryexperience that is simple, easy to do, and that you won’t regret later. Someexamplesaretakingawalkwhilelisteningtomusic,takingabathorashower,orgoingforaswimorarun.Ifyouchooserunningoranotherformofexercise,try to do it in an environment that isn’t monotonous. For example, try trailrunninginsteadofatreadmill.

Remember,Sensationisanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveandengaged in your environment. Thirtyminutes should be long enough, but feelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyoukeepgoingbacktowhateveritisthat’sstressingyouout,throwyourselfevenmoreintoyouractivity.

Increase the intensity if necessary. Justmake sure you’re getting as far out ofyourmindandasfarintoyourbodyaspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalatfirst,butit has a huge payoff. Once your Driver has had enough of a break, you canusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingSensation in thiswaycan alsoprovide a sourceof aspiration, thevoicethatwhispersinthebackofyourmind.SensationasanaspirationcanencourageINTJstobecomepresentandincreasetheirenjoymentoflifebyemergingfrombeingintheirheadsallthetime.Italsohelpsthemattendtotheirbodies.Healthandwellnessorcertainathleticslikemartialartscanbecommoncareerpathsformanypeopleofthistype.

ReflectionThewaysSensationcangripanINTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MySensation3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER11

INFJPersonalityType

INFJs are very sensitive to other people. Their ability to shift perspectivescombinedwithanaturaltalentforunderstandingemotionscanappear(andfeel)likeclairvoyance.

WhilebothxNFJtypeshaveanaturalinterestinhumandynamics,theINFJtypeseeks to understand each individual as they are in relation to others and theworld.Fromchildhood,thereisadeepinterestinwhypeopleexperiencethingsastheydo,whatneedsaregoingunmet,howthatimpactsbehavior,andwhataperson’ssubtletellsindicate.ThedeeperanINFJdigs,themoretheycan’thelpbutsympathize,sometimeseveninthefaceofegregiousbehavior.AquotethatsumsuptheINFJethosmaybe,“Ifyoutrulyandcompletelyunderstandanotherhumanbeing,theonlyemotionalresponseyoucanhaveiscompassion.”

ButwhenINFJscan’tescapetheirownempatheticandempathicnature, itcanspell trouble.Troubledsoulscanunconsciouslynotice thisquality in theINFJ,and it’s not uncommon for complete strangers to start spilling their problems,sensingtheINFJ’sattunementtotheirneedsandenergies.

When people’s challenges seem endless and their emotions blasting, the INFJcan become completely overwhelmed. Self-care is crucial, but if they aren’tgetting their own needs met, the INFJ can default to a number of unhealthystrategies: shutting out the world, turning cold like stone, or demanding self-perfectiontoavoidanynegativefeedback.

TheINFJDriverIsPerspectives(Ni)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every INFJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingPerspectivesasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingINFJ.

The Perspectives Driver is the least-represented mental process in thepopulation, and so often considered the most misunderstood. When it’s fullydeveloped, Perspectives helps the INFJ see the world from another person’spointofview,receivedeepinsight,andmanageconflicts.

PerspectivesofOthers

SincethePerspectivesDriverwatchesitsownmindformpatterns,itbuildstheskillofdetaching from itsownperspective. In thisdetachedspace, itbecomeseasytojumpintotheperspectiveofothers.

Beingabletoseethingsfromanotherperson’sworldviewhelpstheINFJexplainwhyothersdo the things theydo.PerspectivesDrivers realize thesimple truththat all actions, regardless of how confusing or distasteful they are to others,make sense to the person who committed them. It ceases to be a matter ofexplainingthebehaviorandbecomesamatterofexplaininghowitmadesensetotheindividual.

AsanINFJ,gettinginsideotherpeople’smindsmeansrecognizingnotonlyhowtheirexperienceshaveshapedthem,buttheconclusionsthey’vecometoaboutthose experiences. This can include their beliefs, paradigms, and strategies ofbehavior.

Everyonehasabagof tricks lifehas taught them,andsometimesthat includesstrategiesthatareharmfultothemselvesandothers.Thatis,“hurtingpeoplehurtothers.” INFJscan recognizewhenpeopleare inpain,andwhen they lashoutbecauseofit.ThekeyforanINFJisnottogetlostthinkingabouthowtraumashapes themind, but rather to focus on how it can be healed. Patterns of themindareplastic,notstatic.Asnaturalseersintothemindanditsrelationshiptoself and others, the INFJ has a talent for developing tools and strategies forshiftingparadigms,especiallyastheyrelatetoemotionalandhealingwork.

This doesn’t mean that all INFJs must be therapists or counselors. However,there is a strong pull for INFJs toward helping people find their path. Andoftentimes, the INFJ will find the healing they need for themselves frompointingotherstowardabetterway.

ExerciseThinkofaheinousactionorcontroversialpersonthatyoucan’tseeyourselfevercondoning. Insteadof jumping tocondemntheaction, takeamoment to reallygetinsidetheheadofthepersonwhoperformedtheaction.Howdidtheiractionmake complete sense to them at the time?Can you understand it sowell youcoulddefendittoanotherperson?Don’tfocusontheactitself,butonthemindofthepersonwhocommittedit.

NowthatyouareinaPerspectivesframeofmind,filloutthefollowingjournalprompt.Ifyoucannotthinkofanythingimmediately,feelfreetoruminateonthe

question. It may guide you to some uncomfortable places, and that’s okay.DevelopingyourPerspectivesprocessmeansgettingoutsideyourcomfortzone.Italsomeansapplyingthissamegenerosityofspirittoyourself.

ReflectionWhatpatternsareinsideofme(beliefs,perspectives,strategiesofbehavior)thatI’vebeenavoidinglookingat?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepatternsby:

DeepInsightThistypeofpatternrecognitionisbestdoneunconsciously,allowingthemindtowanderwherever it needs to go. INFJsmay find themselves getting their bestideaswhen theyfirstwakeup,orevenwhile theydream.Attempting todirectthesethoughtsmayactuallyinterrupttheprocess.Aninsightinprocesscanfeellikeabloodhoundonthescent,anditneedsfreedomtoexplorewhateveristhenextlead.Themindcanofferupburiedinsights,ifoneisquietenoughtohearthem.

ExerciseCreateagentle,quietspaceforonefullhour.Turnoffall sensorystimulation,turnoff lights, anddeaden anynoise.Ensurenoonewill interrupt youduringthistime.Consideryourfavoritequote.(Forexample,CarlSagansaid,“Wearea way for the universe to know itself.” Rumi said, “The wound is the place

where the Light enters you.”) Set a timer.When one hour is up, immediatelywritedownwhereyourmindtookyou.

ReflectionMymostrecentinsightfromonehourofquiettimeis:

ConflictManagement

Watchinghowone’sownmindworkscangivecluesas tohowotherpeople’sminds are working. Take a word like loyalty or love. If we believe everyonedefines love the same way, we’re going to find ourselves in trouble whensomeonewe’re ina relationshipwithbehaves inaway thatdoesn’tmatchourowndefinition of love. Thesemisunderstandings happen all the time.Becauseyou have Perspectives as a strength, however, you catch thesemisunderstandings. It’s not uncommon for people of your type to watch anargumentbetweentwopeopleandsay,“Waitaminute—youguysareusingthesameword tomean two totallydifferent things.”Or,“Youguysareusing twodifferentwordstomeanthesamething.Youactuallyagree.”

ExerciseListen toaconversationasa third-personobserver.Usingdiscretion,atcertainpoints in the conversation—when one of the speakers uses a word with anambiguousmeaning—askthemtoclarifywhattheymeanbythatword.Askthelistener if that’s the same meaning they took from it. Practice guessing thedifferenceinmeaningbetweenthelistenerandthespeaker.

ReflectionNamefivewayspeopledisagreeonthedefinitionofthewordlove.

SettingUptheRightConditionsTheenemyofPerspectivesisdistraction.Perspectivesisadelicateprocess,andrequiresasmuchsensorydeprivationasyoucanaffordtogiveit.Becausethisisyour Driver, this is also the flow state, and if the process is not used oftenenough,theINFJwilleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.

So, set up your conditions to access thismental process asmuch as possible.Findaquietroominthehouseorofficewhereyoucangoinsideyourmindandlet itwatchasconnectionsform.This iswhenyouaremostcreative,andhowyousolveyourmajorproblems.

Also,makesureyousetupyourofficeorworkareafacingtheroom,withyourback to the wall. This is because distractions are jarring to the Perspectivesprocess,andifyourbackistotheroom,youendupdedicatingapieceofmentalreal estate tomaking sure those distractions can’t sneak up on you.Themoredistractionsyoucanseecoming,thelessmentalrealestateyouhavetodedicate,andthemorehigh-qualitythinkingyoucangetdone.

ReflectionThetalentsPerspectivescangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyusePerspectivesare:

I’mgoingtodevelopPerspectivesmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheINFJCopilotIsHarmony(Fe)Withoutanextravertedjudgingprocess, theINFJisnotcomplete.Thepatternsandinsightsthatemergemaybeuncalibratedandfilledwithbias.TheINFJwillwonder,“Does thisworldview, thought,or insightactuallywork in theoutsideworld?Orisitaninsularpositionthatonlyworksinlimitedcontexts?”Withoutananswer,theINFJwillbecomeparanoidofencroachingthoughtsandstuckintheir ways, losing insight in favor of feeling invulnerable to others. AnextravertedjudgingprocessalsoempowerstheINFJtohaveatrueimpactintheworld by moving beyond simple theorizing to building proof of concept. Asopposed to sitting on the sidelines of life, they can become a proactive andempoweredplayer.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery INFJwill have the same skill leveloruse it in ahealthyway.DevelopingHarmonyasahealthyprocess iscrucial tobecominganamazingINFJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an extraverted functionwhen one is anIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonPerspectives,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsHarmonybringswillbekey.

IdentifyandMeetNeeds

Fluctuatingemotionsareoftenthefirstsignthatapersonhasunmetneeds.AnINFJmaybesotunedinandsensitivetoemotionsthattheyfinditeasytohelppeoplefeelsafe,loved,andstable.Thiscanbeassimpleashostingapartyandmakingitlookeffortless,tobeingashoulderforagrievingfriendtocryon,tohelpingfriendswithcomplicatedrelationshipissues.PeoplewhohavedevelopedtheirHarmony process become so skilled at this, they often become the go-topersoninatimeofcrisis.Learningtobeavailabletohelpmeetpeople’sneedsalsohelps theINFJbecomeextremely industriousandhave lotsofunexpectedtalentsandskillsinavarietyofareas.

It’sequallyimportantforanINFJtomakesurethey’regettingtheirownneedsmet.Theycan’trunonfumesallthetime,andtheycan’tbeofhelptoothersif

they’re perpetually exhausted. It’s best to express unmet needs out loud.Similarly, it’sgood toavoidbehavior likewalkingawaywhenunhappy,beingsilentlydisapproving,orcryingalone.WhenanINFJiscomfortableexpressingtheirownemotions, theybecomea rolemodel forotherswhoneed toexpressthemselves,andtheyarebetterabletohelpothersmeettheirneeds.

ExerciseAskyourself,“Whatneedisgoingunmetforme?”Itcouldbealonetime,bettereatinghabits,moresleep,aconversationwithafriend,anightout,orjustsomepampering.Onceyouidentifyit,askyourselftheeasiestandfastestwaytogetthatneedmet.

ReflectionNameyourtopthreeneedsthatfrequentlygounmet.

Now, look at your schedule.What are youprioritizing that gets in thewayofthoseneedsbeingmet?Ifit’speopleyoucareabout,likeyourspouse,children,family, and friends, just remember that you can’t get to their needs if you’rerunningon fumes. Journal3 to5 ideas thatyoucanbegin implementing to fitthoseneedsintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildHealthyBoundaries

Harmony is the process that is used to create and maintain unspoken socialcontracts.Contractsaredesigned forus toknoweachother’sexpectationsandhonor them(as longas theyareagreedupon). Ifyou, asan INFJ,don’tknowyour boundaries,Harmonywill encourage you to spend timewith people andexperience both acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Once you know yourboundaries,Harmonyhelpsyoucreatecontractsaroundthem.

Thatmeansyou’llhavetocommunicatethemtothepeopleinyourlife,makingsuretheyfullyunderstandandagreetoyourboundaries.Inamomentwhereyoufeel taken advantage of or thrown under a bus, ask yourself which of yourboundarieshasbeenbroken,andifitwasyouortheotherpersonthatbrokeit.

ReflectionFollowthejournalpromptbelowtobecomecleareraboutyourboundaries.Feelfree to repeat this journal prompt multiple times until you feel confident andauthenticabouttheboundariesyou’vediscoveredandset.Onceyou’vedoneso,share them with the three people whom you feel closest to. If they areuncomfortablewithyournewboundaries,askifit’sbecausetheboundariesareunreasonable, or because they will change the relationship. Be sensitive toresistancetochangewhilestayingfirmwithyourrequirements.

Remember:Boundarysettingisaskill.Itmightbebumpyatfirst,butovertimeandwithsmallsuccesses,yourboundarieswillbecomeapartofyouridentity.

Namethree(ormore)thingsyouwouldliketoseemoreofinyourlife:

Namethree(ormore)behaviorsyouwillneverallowinyourlifeagain:

Iwouldliketostrengthentheboundariesintheseareasofmylife:

Icanimprovetheboundariesineachareaofmylifeby:

Ifsomeonecrossesaboundary,myplanistosay:

UnderstandSocialContractsUnderstanding unspoken social contracts means being able to know what’sexpected of yourself and others. This comes from a lifelong study of whatoffendsotherpeopleversuswhatmakesthemfeelcomfortable.

Thistypeofunderstandingisamajoradvantageinnewcircumstancesandwhenfirstmeetingpeople.You’reveryrarelygoingtosaythewrongthingoralienateothers. Infact,peopleofyour typeareoftenpopular ingroupsettingsbecauseyoucanhelpkeeptheconversationgoingwithoutoffendinganyoneor leavinganyoneout.

ExerciseMake it your aim tomeetmany new people. Themore people youmeet, themoreopportunitiesyouhave tounderstand thecultures theycome from.Whatwastheirfamily’sculture?Whatareaofthecountryorworldaretheyfrom?DomisunderstandingsofculturegetinthewayofcreatingHarmony?Howcanyourincreasedunderstandingofotherpeopleandtheirfamilyorcountryhelpyouto

keeprelationshipsbetweenpeopleinsocialsettingscongenialandhappy?

ReflectionThewayIfeelaboutmeetingnewpeopleis:

IfIexperienceanyhesitancytomeetnewpeople,whatdoIsuspectisgoingonforme?

Iwillmeetonenewpersonthisweek.Afterward,IwillrecordtheconversationandwhatIlearnedfromithere:

CopilotGrowthHarmony is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. ItencouragesyouasanINFJtoproactivelysetboundariesforyourselfandothers,leading to an ultimately happier atmosphere. To encourage Harmony, askyourself:• AmItrulygivingback,orjustseekingapproval?

• WhatisthekindestthingIcandointhissituation?

• HowcanIbeavailabletomeetotherpeople’sneedswithoutcompromisingmyown?

• Doesitmakesenseformetoputasidemydesiresforthisrelationship?

It’s easy for an INFJ to get lost in seeking the approval of others. Being

vulnerable and speaking up is difficult. But if relationships are never built onintimacyandunderstanding,youwillalwaysfeellikesomethingismissing.

GrowingHarmonycanbeachallengeforyouasanINFJ.Butsettingboundariesintheoutsideworldwillhelpyoumeetyourneeds.Harmonyencouragesyoutoseek and foster healthy relationshipswith other people.Hiding isn’t an optionwhen there are delightful connections to be made. It also encourages you toestablishhealthyboundariessothatyounolongerstandbehindanimpenetrablewall,butratheragatethatcanbeopenedorclosed.

Trythesestrategiestoimproveyourboundary-settingskills:

• Say“No”toeveryrequestforonefullday.Itdoesn’tmatterhoweasytherequestis;justsaynoaspracticeforsettingboundaries.

• Everyday,aimtosetasidesome“metime.”

• Payattentiontocrazymakers—thosepeoplewhosteponyourboundaries.Practicestandingupforyourselfwhentheycomeintoyourworldanddemandattention.

ReflectionThetalentsHarmonycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseHarmonyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopHarmonymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourHarmonyprocesstoday:

TheINFJ10-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)Accuracy is designed to help a person look inside their own mind and spotincongruitiesandinconsistenciesintheirthinking.Illustratively,itseesthemindasbeingwrittenincomputercodeandisalwaysonthelookoutfor“badcode.”Thismaybeinformationandknowledgeimplantedbyotherpeople,orevenbyyoungerversionsoftheself,thatarenolongerworthyandshouldberemoved.Asa10-Year-Oldfunction,AccuracyfortheINFJisthatyoungerversionoftheself,andthusislessadeptatspottingthebadcode.

Sometimesit’sarealpleasuretoseethingsintechnicalterms.ItallowstheINFJsome breathing room from the flood of emotions swirling around. Accuracyallows the data collected byPerspectives andHarmony—whypeople dowhatthey do, how they respond to each other—to be organized into a scientificframework.Andit’snicetohavesomewaytoorganizetheinsightsPerspectivescomesupwith,sincetheintuitivefunctionhasnorealmechanismforcapturingandtaggingthoseinsights.

As an introverted function, Accuracy allows the INFJ to access a judgingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownminds.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheINFJgetsusedtorelyinguponAccuracytohelpformtheirconclusionstheycan rationalize skipping development of their extraverted judging process ofHarmony.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForINFJs, thisusuallymanifestsby their being uncharacteristically critical, especially of another person’sargument.

Accuracyis,inalargepart,aboutbreakinginformationdownandseeinghowitdoesn’t lineup.Peoplewhohave it as a strengthareusuallyprettygoodat it.They’re not looking for how someone is wrong, but rather for how theinformationitselfcouldbemoreconsistent.ButanINFJiswiredtobeat theirbestwhenunderstandingtheimplicationsthingshaveonotherpeople’sfeelingsandemotions.

If the INFJ 10-Year-Old gets to have the final call without consulting theCopilot,it’sgoingtosortintricateinformationata10-Year-Oldlevel.10-Year-OldAccuracywilllookforotherpeopletobewrongandcriticizetheirthinking.EspeciallywhentheINFJisfeelingthreatenedbyanotherperson’sinformation,they’llendupdiscreditingthatperson’sargumentsoastonothavetolistentoitanymore.

Another way Accuracy can manifest itself as a 10-Year-Old is by beingunnecessarily perfectionistic. While perfectionism can manifest in manysituations,itisusuallyastrategytoavoidotherpeople’sdisapproval.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an INFJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheHarmonyprocess.

Short-term loop.Thismayonly last fora fewmomentsup toa fewdays. Itsintent is to protect the INFJ from information that could be distressing at thatmoment. Usually, this is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed by emotionsabsorbed from another person or people. It’s marked by uncharacteristiccoldness and harsh criticism toward the person (or people) that caused thedistress.Thelogicbehindthisreactionistodiscreditotherstoprotecttheself:“Idon’thavetocareaboutthefeelingsofanunworthyperson,soI’llfigureoutallthewaysthispersonisunworthy.”

Haveyoueverbeeninanargumentandusedgrammaticalorlogicaltechnicalityagainstyouropponentto“prove”theydidn’tknowwhatthey’retalkingabout?Forexample,“Anyonewhowoulduseadoublenegative isobviouslyan idiot,andnotworthmytime.”Thisbehavioristheresultofnothavingstrongenough

boundaries, lacking good strategies for dealingwith overload, or not having asolidself-careregimen.

Long-termloop.Thisisaloopofhidingawayfromsociety:livinginsidebooksand research, shutting out other people’s emotional baggage, and creating abubbleofinvulnerability.Whilethisloopdoesn’tmaketheINFJfeelbadaboutthemselves,asthefirstloopmaydo,it’smoredifficulttobreakawayfrom.TheINFJ’s entire world becomes molded around self-protection, and it usuallyresults in loneliness.Theonlyway to escape is toovercome the fear of beingvulnerable.

Habitual loop. This is possibly the most challenging loop to overcome:perfectionism.Themoreperfect an INFJ is, the less theycanbecalledoutonanyundesirablebehaviors.Or,at least, if theouterworldconfronts them, theyhave an airtight defense of having done everything by the book, exactly asexpected,andwithoutflaw.Theworldoftenrewardsperfectionismmorethanitpunishesit,sotheINFJmayreceivemostlypositivefeedbackforbeingoh-so-good.Thisreinforcestheperfectionisticloop,andmakesitnearlyimpossibletobreak.

Perfectionismisrifewithchallenges,however.GrowthisstuntedwhentheINFJis unwilling to accept and forgive themselves for faults. Additionally,perfectionists make everyone around them uncomfortable. For example, haveyoueverknownsomeonesoobsessedwithkeepingtheirhouseperfect,theyputplasticoverallofthefurniture?Wasvisitingacomfortableexperience?

ReflectionThewaysPerspectivesandAccuracycanloopinanINFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseAccuracy

If you find yourself getting overly critical, or hyper-focused on details andperfectionism,thisisabaduseoftheAccuracyfunction.TapintotheHarmonyfunction and ask yourself, “Yes, but what’s best for everyone?Whatwill geteveryone’sneedsmet, aswell asmyown?” If yourbehavior endsuppushingpeople away or not taking their feelings into consideration, it’s time toreevaluatewhat’simportanttoyou.

Thatsaid,ifyou’vecarefullyconsideredhowbesttomeetotherpeople’sneeds(aswellasyourown),andyourgutistellingyouthatyouneedtospendsometimebreakingdown the factsof thematter, thatwouldbe the time to listen toAccuracy. Just don’t let it fool you into emotionally disconnecting as aprotective,defensivestrategy.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypeoftenenjoypuzzlesandotherpurelyanalyticgames.

Youcanusethesamementalprocesstogetinsidetheheadsofthepeopleyoulove in order to truly understand how they think and see the world. Sharingimportant truths with loved ones—whether they’re truths about your ownboundaries,themisstepsothersmaybetaking,orevenyourphilosophicalviewsin general—helps them trust and rest into your honesty. It prevents you fromappearing fake. The key is to ensure the information has first been vetted by

Harmonyasanactofcaringandloveforbothyourselfandtheotherindividual.Thisqualityisextremelyappreciatedbypeoplethatloveyou.

TheINFJ3-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)Sensationisdesignedtogetinsideyourbodyandbepresentinthemoment.Thepreferredfunctionofmanyathletesandperformers,Sensationtapsintohowthebodyisaninstrumentformovement,readingbodylanguageandseekinghigh-adrenalineexperiences.It’sahere-and-nowfunction,andrestsintowhatevercanbeverifiedbyitssenses.

Asa3-Year-Oldprocess,SensationisapartoftheINFJthatwhispersfromtheshadows.Normallyquitecapableofignoringorevenforgettingaboutthehere-and-now,suddenlyanINFJwillhaveadesire for thedeeplysensual, realizingthat the presentmoment also exists and there’s awholeworld of activity thatneedsattention.

TherearethreewaysanINFJexperiencesthegrip,themomentswhentheDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolofthecar.ThisismostlikelytohappenwhentheINFJ’sbodymaybebetrayingthemwithchronicillness.

Short-termgrip.WhentheDriverdoesn’tallowitselftocheckoutevenwhenstressed and exhausted, there’s a strong pull toward indulgences. 3-Year-Oldsrarelyknowwhentosaynotoapackageofcookies,andtheSensation3-Year-Oldisnodifferent.Overeating,overdrinking,andsexualaddictionareallsignsof the Sensation function trying to keep things going without understandinglimits.Hidingcandybarsinthedeskatworkisalittlethingtoprovideaburstofsugarneededtogetthroughtheday.DrinkingafterworkhelpstheINFJunwind,and three glasses of wine isn’t really that bad… or so Sensation wouldrationalize. These are moments when “You Can’t Even,” and a boost ofindulgencefeelsliketheleastofyourworries.ThisbehaviorignoresthefactthatSensation actually would prefer to honor the body, and rest and relaxation isalmostalwayswhatit’strulyseeking.

Long-termgrip.Here,theINFJisuncertainabouthowtointegratetheneedsofthebody,resultingineitherneglectingthebodyorgivingittoomuchattention.

Youmightbedealingwithhealth issues thatyoucan’t shake,oryoupossiblyfeel the need to over-exercise or engage inmilitant dieting, sincewho knowswhenthebodywillbetrayyou?

It’s difficult to shake either of these strategies since the first one can feelimpossible to control, and the second canbemisinterpreted as truehealth andfitness.Ineithercase,toomuchattentionisgoingtothe3-Year-OldandrobbingtheDriverofitsopportunitiesforinsightsandvision.

Habitual grip. When caught in this tight grip, the INFJ ignores anyuncomfortable messages coming from the Perspectives Driver. You mayunconsciously “dumb yourself down” to avoid the implications of your ownintuition, fearing youmay bemore insightful than the people in your life, orevenseeholesinthelogicofyourbeliefsystem.Thisiseasilythemostdifficulttypeofgriptoremoveyourselffrom,sincetheavoidingDriverisalmostalwaysaccompaniedbysomeformofdepression.

HowtoBestUseSensationThebestwaytouseSensationasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,findanimmersivesensoryexperience that is simple, easy to do, and that you won’t regret later. Someexamplesaretakingawalkwhilelisteningtomusic,takingabathorashower,orgoingforaswimorarun.Ifyouchooserunningoranotherformofexercise,try to do it in an environment that isn’t monotonous. For example, try trailrunninginsteadofatreadmill.

Remember,Sensationisanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveandengaged in your environment. Thirtyminutes should be long enough, but feelfreetotakeaslongasneededtode-stress.Ifyoukeepgoingbacktowhateveritisthat’sstressingyouout,throwyourselfevenmoreintoyouractivity.

Increase the intensity if necessary. Justmake sure you’re getting as far out ofyourmindandasfarintoyourbodyaspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalatfirst,butit has a huge payoff. Once your Driver has had enough of a break, you canusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingSensation in thiswaycan alsoprovide a sourceof aspiration, thevoicethatwhispersinthebackofyourmind.SensationasanaspirationcanencourageINFJstobecomepresentandincreasetheirenjoymentoflifebyemergingfrombeingintheirheadsallthetime.Italsohelpsthemattendtotheirbodies.Healthandwellnessorcertainathleticslikemartialartscanbecommoncareerpathsformanypeopleofthistype.

ReflectionThewaysSensationcangripanINFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MySensation3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER12

ISTJPersonalityType

ISTJsare reliable, steady,andsupportive.Focusedonprocedureandstructure,theyhelpustrackourworldandkeepthingsmoving.

ISTJshelpusmaintainlifebycreatingaccountabilityandtemplatesthatwecanrely upon. Whether they are teachers, engineers, managers, or police chiefs,ISTJsoftenshowupwithhighlevelsofcompetencyandprofessionalism.

Because ISTJs aremasterful at developing procedures, they can often becomeannoyedwith peoplewho seem towaste energy on reinventing thewheel, orwhodon’t followtherules.Thiscan lead todiscomfort insituations thatdon’thaveanestablishedhierarchyorguideline.Iftheyfocustoomuchonprecedent,ISTJs may become stubborn against all things new, and even suspicious orhyper-critical.

If theISTJcanstayfocusedonresultsandnotjustprocedure,optionsopenupfornewerwaysofsolvingreal-worldchallenges.ThebestISTJsleanintowhatworks,evenwhenthere’snoprecedent;findsolutionsthatfalloutsidethenorm;andaddtothestabilitytheydesiretocreate.

TheISTJDriverIsMemory(Si)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ISTJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingMemory as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingISTJ.While this cognitive function ismost commonlyusedasa strength, it isinfluencedby itsuniqueexperiencesandcanberatherquirky.Whenusing theMemory Driver, an ISTJ can learn to be reliable, be careful, and honorprocedure; upholdold traditions andcreatenewones; andbe resilient throughandacceptingofsituationsthatcannotbechanged.

BeReliableandCareful

ForpeoplewhouseMemoryasaDriver,livinginanunpredictableorunstableenvironmentcarriesahugepenalty.Toavoidthiskindofenvironment,peopleofyour type are amazing at maintaining procedures and processes to minimizeinstability.Ifnoprocedureexists,Memoryiscompelledtofindone.

Memory users recognize the need for care and caution. There is no reason tomake repeated mistakes if a process is established to track them. It can be asimple aphorism to pass helpful knowledge from one generation to the next,such as “Measure twice, cut once.” There are important reasons we havestandards.While itmightsoundfun to“reinvent thewheel,”actualcarwheelswouldbeincrediblydifficulttoshopforifthereweren’tanestablishedstandardandseriesofregulationsontheirsizeandfittomostvehicles.

It’s important for an ISTJ to avoid becomingpassive or gettingused to chaosthey could otherwise prevent or avoid. This talent extends to amuch broaderscale, and it could be argued that the very infrastructure of society—the rulesandprocedures thatkeepusgoing—aremaintainedandmanagedprimarilybypeoplewhohavetheMemoryprocessasaskill.

ExerciseIdentifyareasinyourlifethatareunsafeorinviolationofestablishedstandards,particularly things that (if left by themselves) could become a problem in thefuture. Look to a trusted organization, community, or family culture to gaugewhatthestandardisandhowyoucancorrectit.Ifyou’reunsure,consultexpertsforguidanceonhowtocorrecttheissue.

ReflectionWhat areasofmy life am I letting turn into chaos? Is there a procedure I canimplementtoreestablishsanity?

Being kind to myself, I’m going to address this chaos by:

HoldsRelationshipwithTradition

Memory users recognize how much each individual is influenced by theirexperiences.Theyalsounderstandtheimportanceofensuringthatmostofthosememoriesarepositive.Itisapleasuretocreatewonderfulmemoriesthatcanbereplayedandenjoyedforever.Forthisreason,it’scommonforMemoryuserstoenjoyholidays,familygatherings,andothertimeswhenlovedonesgettogetherformomentousoccasions.

They’realsoverytouchedwhenotherpeopletakethetimetocreateawonderfulexperienceforthem,andanniversariesarenottobemissed.ThefirstrestaurantanISTJandtheirspousegotoisn’tjustanotherrestaurant; it’sasymbolofanimportant event, and going back to the same restaurant for anniversariescompletes the experience. Once a shared memory has been repeated oftenenough,itbecomestradition,somethinguponwhichtoanchortherelationship.

Traditionscanalsobeusedforhealing.TraumathatisdifficulttoshakefromtheISTJ’smemorymayrequireahealingtradition.Forexample,whenalovedonedies,itmaybecomeanannualtraditiontogatherwithotherstotalkaboutthem,rememberthem,andpaytributebylivinglifefullyintheirhonor.

The more sophisticated Memory gets, the more it’s open to adopting newtraditions. This is important to remember, as Memory in its infancy may befearful of the unfamiliar. Changing one’s traditions—including beliefs andparadigms—mayfeeldisloyal toparentsandother trustedauthorities.Butas itmatures, Memory becomes a more adaptable function. It incorporates newexperiences into its identity, learning tobecomewhatever isappropriate to thecontext.

ExerciseConsider ways you can pass on the traditions of your family to the nextgeneration.Isthereatraditionyouinheritedthatcanbetaughttoyourchildren,nieces, or nephews? Do they understand the importance of it, and will theycontribute topassing itonafteryou’regone?Howcanyoumake the traditionmore enjoyable in away thatwill leave a lasting impression, helpmold theirexperience,andhelpthemwanttocarrythetorch?

ReflectionThetraditionthathashadthebiggestimpactonmeis:

ShowResilience,Acceptance,andDutyAcceptanceisnotpassive,norisitcomplacent.It’sarecognitionofwhatcannotbechanged,andacomingtotermswithhowthosethingsimpactone’slife.

It’snot easy to accept things as theyare, butMemoryhas thegreatestnaturaltalent for it, and therefore,Memory users demonstrate great resilience duringtrying situations. True acceptance includes letting go of judgment and blame(including of oneself) and instead addressing situations with tolerance andforgiveness. Memory meets unfair situations with fairness, and finds peacewithin.

Memory users naturally understand the passage of time. They register changealmostimmediatelyandknowhowpeopleareformedbytheirexperiences.Theygetthatwearewhowearebecauseofourpast.Trulytraumaticexperiencescan

breakpeoplepast their limits,buttimecanhealevenbrokenness.Asit issaid,“timehealsallwounds,”evenifittakesdecades,andwecanbestrongerpeopleforit.

FortheISTJ,acceptanceandresiliencyarecoupledwithastrongsenseofduty.They are able to work through difficult situations while staying true to theircommitments, without fanfare.When an ISTJ is working through acceptance,theywill very rarely announce it toothers, preferring toquietly and internallywalkthroughtheprocess.

It’s important to remember that acceptance is not submitting to unhealthysituations.It’snotneedlesslyputtingupwithphysicalpain,abadrelationship,ora toxic context. Predicaments that can be changed should be changed.Acceptance is not endurance; it’s the opposite. It is ending the suffering thataccompanies resisting reality, but it does not involve seeking out a painfulreality.

ExercisePractice self-acceptance. When you notice that you are judging or ratingyourself,lookforatimeinyourpastthatmayhavepromptedthethought.Didthis criticismoriginally come from a parent? Is this self-criticism from a timeyoubelievedyoufailedat something? Ifyouaremucholder thanyouwereattheoriginofthethought,istherewisdomyouhavenowthatchangeshowyouexperiencetheincitingevent?Didyoudothebestyoucouldatthetime?Whatconnections do you now see that you missed then? Can you forgive youryounger self? Does your younger self need forgiveness at all, or just a littleunderstanding? Focus on letting go of the pain and the belief that caused thejudgment.

ReflectionWhat’syourbiggestregret?Whathaveyoudonetomakeamendswithyourselforforgiveyourself?

SettingUptheRightConditionsThe enemy of Memory is instability. If life becomes too erratic, chaotic, orunpredictable,Memoryhasdifficultydoingwhatitdoesbest:establishingorderandkeepingeveryonesafe.

As your Driver, this is your flow state, and if you’re not using this processenough, you’ll eventually runout of juice andbecomedepressed.Set upyourconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Keeplifesimpleandmanageable.Andiflifeisthrowingtoomanyneworoverwhelmingthingsatyou,makesureyouhaveplentyoftimeforyourselftopost-processthesemoments.

Journaling or otherwise recording eventswill help you review the details andfigureoutwhat’smeaningfulforyou.Reachingouttootherstotalkabouthowshared lifeexperiences impacted themcanhelpyouclarifyyourown thoughtsandrecalldifferentaspectsofyourmemories.Giveyourself fullpermission tohavedifferenttakeawaysthanothers.

ReflectionThetalentsMemorycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseMemoryare:

I’mgoingtodevelopMemorymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheISTJCopilotIsEffectiveness(Te)Withoutanextravertedjudgingprocess,theISTJisnotcomplete.Standardsandtraditionsneed tobevetted to ensure they’re still relevant and servingpeople.Withoutcheckingintoensurethatthesystemsstillworkandaresustainable,theISTJmay get stuck in a rut, unable to determine if their life is on track or ifthey’resimplyexistingfromdaytoday.Rigiditymayenter,alongwithfearoftheunknown.

AnextravertedjudgingprocessempowerstheISTJtobeflexible,buildproofofconcept,andnotsimplymakeassumptionsbasedonpastresults.Asopposedtositting on the sidelines of life, they can become a proactive and empoweredplayer.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But that doesn’tmean every ISTJwill have the same skill level or use it in ahealthy way. Developing Effectiveness as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingISTJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an extraverted functionwhen one is anIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonMemory,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsEffectivenessbringswillbekey.

ResourceManagement

Time, energy, money—everything that is built requires resources to build it.Whenitcomestodeterminingwhichresourcestouse,theEffectivenessCopilothasanaturalinterestinreturnoninvestment(ROI).Isacertainresourceworththeeffort?Toanswerthatquestion,Effectivenessalsopaysspecialattentiontostresstests,whichhelpdetermineifsomethingcanholdupinthelongrun.

Ultimately,ISTJsuseEffectivenessforsustainability.Theleastamountofeffortfor themostamountof return isgreat,but if it’sgoing tobreakdownquicklyand requiremore effort in the long run, it’s not trulyworth it. Thinking on alargescalehelpsinformwhetherornotsomethingwillpassthetestoftime.

ExerciseGetgoodatdeterminingthevalueofhumanoremotionalfactors.Timeisoftenoverlooked inROI,asare things likeemotionalexpense.Whendetermining ifsomething isworth effort, usemonetary gain as only one consideration. Takeinto account enjoyment of process, learning, and quality of product. ThestandardROIalgorithmisROI=(Gain−Cost)/Cost.Feelfreetocreateyourownalgorithmtoincorporatemorefactors.

ReflectionName three soft factors you tend to eitherwaste (or overprotect) thatmay beinterruptingyourROI:

JournaloneareaofyourlifewhereyouwouldliketoimproveyourROI.Usingthealgorithmabove(oroneyouhavecreated),stateanactionableplanthatwillhelp you get more out of the resource you’re putting into it:

StreamlinedSystems

IfEffectivenesscouldbeexpressed inasinglequote, itmightbe,“Freedomisdefinedasasystemthatrunssowell,younolongerhavetothinkaboutit.”

Effectiveness,likeHarmony,isaboutattemptingtocreateanenvironmentwherepeople get their needs met. But unlike Harmony, the needs of Effectiveness

aren’temotional, they’relogistical.Systemshelpgroupsstayinaflowwithoutparticipantsgettingineachother’sway.Automobilefreewaysystemsareagreatexample of how streamlining keeps us all moving forward without having toreallythinkaboutit.Oncethesesystemsareinplace,evenbiggergoalscanbeattainedsinceaccomplishmentsbuilduponthemselves.

ExerciseThe next time you perform a task, document the process with a goal ofstreamliningthetask.Considerthattherearetwotypesofprocesses:criticalandoptional.Which steps arenecessary to the task, andwhichcanbe cut?Whichresources (time, money, energy) are necessary? Can you afford to pare theresourcesdownforoutcome?Onceyouhaveastep-by-stepprocedure,consultwith others who have accomplished this same task and discover if there wasanythingyoumissed.

ReflectionNamethreeresourcesyouneedtomanagebetter:

Now, look at your schedule. What are you prioritizing that compromises thepropermanagement of those resources? Record three to five ideas on how torecoupthoseresourcesintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildingNecessarySkills

EffectivenessCopilotscanshutoffpersonalfeelingsinordertogetthingsdone.Infact,itmaybearguedthatthisisthecorecompetencyofEffectiveness.Dailytasksaren’talwayspleasant,norisskillbuildingoutsideone’sareaofexpertise.ISTJs sometimes struggle with socializing, emotional intelligence, romanticpartnerships,andinterestinmundanechores.Whileit’seasytoforgettheneedforthesethingsonaday-to-daybasis,eventuallytheycanpileup.Andattimes,it’sonlyobvious that these skills areunderdevelopedwhenanopportunity fortheirusehasalreadyslippedby.

When an ISTJ builds a strong relationship with their Effectiveness Copilot,they’llbitethebulletandfocusonproficiencyinareasthatarenecessaryforlife.Anythingunnecessarycanbedelegated,aslongastheresourceshavebeenbuiltto hire themout or hand themoff.But for anything that can’t be delegated—cultivating friendships, finding love, maintaining physical health, performinghouseholdresponsibilities—theISTJcanleanonEffectivenesstohelpthemputtheirheaddown,muscle through,andmake ithappen,all thewhilebuildingasustainablesystemtokeepthebenefitsofthehardworkgoing.

ExerciseIdentify one area of your lifewhere you care about improving but have beenprocrastinating. It could be getting into better physical shape, improving yourdiet,findingaspouse,doingpublicspeaking,findingabetterjob,etc….Makealistofwhythisissomethingyouwant,andidentifywhathasbeenholdingyouback. Ask yourself howmuchmore rewarding your life would be if you juststartedworkingtowardit,evenifitisn’toptimaloridealinthebeginning.Paintapictureofwhat your lifewould look like if youwere to succeed.Write thisvisualizationoutandputitonyourrefrigerator.

ReflectionNameoneareaofyourlifeyouwouldliketoimprove:

Name three activities you can begin immediately that would address thisimprovement:

Atthebeginningofeachday,writedownwhatyouaregoingtodothatdaytoimprove this area of your life by 5 percent:

Attheendofeachday,writedownwhatyoudidtoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

CopilotGrowthEffectiveness is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. ItallowsyouasanISTJtomakedecisionsthatwillhelpyoubuildsomethingrealbyasking“Whatworks?WhatcanIdotodaythatwillimproveeachareaofmylifeby5percent?”

GrowingyourEffectivenesscanbeachallenge foryouasan ISTJ. It can feellike a threat to your ideas to have them vetted in the real world. It’s easy tospendalotoftimethinkingandruminatingonhowtheworldshouldbesetup,but without testing your ideas and thoughts, they may be more rhetoric thanreality. Embrace the Effectiveness mental process, as it gives you theopportunitytoputyourideasintoaction.

EffectivenessalsoencouragesanISTJtoavoidbecomingrigidandimplacable.FearoftheunknowncoupledwithpridecanmakeanISTJrejectbetterwaysof

doing things, including building a life of happiness. If you want to choosehappinessoverbeingright,youwillneedtogetoutofyourcomfortzone.

Effectiveness encourages you to make something happen, like launching aprojectorbuildingsomething.AsanISTJ,yourmindisalreadywiredtomakethingshappen.Don’tignorethenaturaltalentthatyoupossess;developitintoaskill. You will bring the best version of yourself to the world when you getoutsideyourheadandcreatesomethingintheouterworld.Don’thesitatetoact;jumpintoyourcreativeprocesstomakethemostofEffectiveness.Forexample,create rapid prototypes of products or services you’ve been pondering, orpracticeleadershipskillsbyworkingonprojectswithotherpeople.

ReflectionThetalentsEffectivenesscangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseEffectivenessare:

I’mgoingtodevelopEffectivenessmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourEffectivenessprocesstoday:

TheISTJ10-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)Authenticityisfascinatedbythesubjectivehumanexperience,whichinitsmostsimple form translates into identity. “Who am I?” “What am I feeling rightnow?”“Whathasmeaningforme?”“WhatdoIbelieveisrightandtrueintheworld and what does that say about me?” Sorting through these complicatedquestions is a big task, especiallywhen an individual realizes the answers areeverchanging.AsAuthenticitymatures,itacceptsthatmorematureversionsofoneselfmustreplaceyoungerversions.

Asa10-Year-Oldprocess,Authenticitymaystrugglewith theneed tochange,feeling that changing who they are makes them flaky or disingenuous. ISTJsmaybeunawarethattheirinflexibilityismorerootedinstubbornnessthanitisaboutstayingtruetoself.

ISTJs canuseAuthenticity to see contradictionswithinpeople andunderstandhowcomplicatedpeoplereallyare.Whilerealizingthatmostpeopleneedmuchbettertools,suchastraining,education,purpose,andcompetence,theyalsohavean awareness that people are usually doing the best they can with what theyhave. Authenticity also gives ISTJs an appreciation of aesthetics. The heartyearnsforbeauty,aslongasthatbeautyisclean-linedandmultipurpose.

As an introverted function, Authenticity allows the ISTJ to access a judgingprocesswhile avoiding the outerworld. This can be okay at times, but if theISTJgetsusedtorelyinguponAuthenticitytohelpformconclusions, theycanrationalize skipping development of their extraverted judging Copilot,Effectiveness. And that’s when the trouble starts. This usually manifests asISTJsshuttingdownanddiggingintheirheels,especiallyiftheyfeelhurt.

Authenticityis,inalargepart,aboutintrospectionandconsultingyourpersonalfeelingsonamatter.Peoplewhohaveitasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit, and they usually look at the bigger implications of how things affect boththemselves and others. But as an ISTJ, you’rewired to be at your bestwhenlookingatsituationobjectively,notsubjectively.Thismeansthatifyou’reinadefensiveplaceand feeling threatenedby information,you’ll endup forgingawall between yourself and anything you don’t want to listen to. You’ll take

thingspersonally,misinterpretintent,andbecomeintractable.

AnotherwayAuthenticitycanmanifestitselfasa10-Year-Oldisbystayinginemotionalcomfortzones,includingonesthatdon’tservetheISTJ.Anexamplewould be avoiding relationships to prevent getting hurt, but rationalizing it asgoodresourcemanagement.

You may tell yourself you don’t have the time and energy to develop newrelationshipsandsoyouavoidgettingclosetopeople,whenreallyit’sthefearthatanunknownperson, if theywormtheirwayintoyourheart,mayhavetheabilitytohurtyou.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ISTJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheEffectivenessprocessandletthe10-Year-OldservetheCopilot.

Short-term loop.Thismayonly last fora fewmomentsup toa fewdays. Itsintent is to protect the ISTJ from information that could be emotionallydistressing in the moment. If someone respected or close to them hurts theirfeelings, theycanuse the loop tobuilda fortressofpride. Insteadof itsusualrole of understanding, Memory holds onto a grudge, and 10-Year-OldAuthenticity supports the animosity by believing the offender was eitherdeliberatelymaliciousorcapriciouslycareless.Eitherway,pridewon’tallowtheISTJtocrackinfrontoftheculprit,evenifthatpersonhappenstobealoverortrusted friend. Difficult conversations—the ones that would help smooth thesituationover—areavoided,andtheISTJlickstheirwoundsinprivate.

Long-termloop.Thisisaloopofhidingfromresponsibility.Thisisusuallyincontextswhen life requires something from the ISTJ that feelsbiggerormoredemandingthanit“shouldbe,”causingtheISTJtobecomeoverwhelmed.Thisloopismarkedbyavoidanceandabeliefthattheyshouldn’thavetodoanythingtheydon’tfeellikedoing.They’llknowwhenthey’reready,they’llclaim;don’tpush them.Alittlepridemayshowuphere, too. Ifpushedtoohard, theresultcan be a feeling of disdain. Avoiding responsibilities doesn’t make them go

away; it exacerbates them. What seems overwhelming at first can become aseriousproblemlaterinlife.Atitsworst,itcanturnintopanic.

Habitualloop.Thisispossiblythemostchallenginglooptoovercome:rigidity.ThisloopofrigidityencouragestheISTJtostickwiththefamiliar,diggingtheirheelsinandrejectinganythingthatchallengestheirworldview.

The biggest challengewith rigidity is that there’s no incremental, measurablewaytodetermineifanewconceptorpersonisvalid.Authenticityhasbecometheirmetric:New information is judged by how itmakes the ISTJ feel. Evenwhen feedback tells them this person or situation is perfectly acceptable, theISTJmayrejectthemtoavoiddealingwithuncomfortablefeelingswithin,suchasprejudicesandmisconceptions.

ReflectionThewaysMemoryandAuthenticitycanloopinanISTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseAuthenticity

If you find yourself getting overly sensitive, ignoring your tasks, or settingunrealistic expectations for yourself, this is a bad use of the Authenticityfunction.TapintoEffectivenessandaskyourself,“Yes,butwhatreallyworksinthis situation?Are these feelings getting in theway ofme accomplishingmygoals?”

That said,whenyou’vecarefully scrutinizedwhat’sobjectiveand rational andyourheartisstilltellingyousomethingisup,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoAuthenticity.Itspurposeistoinfluenceyoutodowhat’srightandbesensitiveto your own conscience. Just don’t let it fool you into becoming emotionallypricklyoramartyrinyourrelationships.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy “good vs. evil” stories (like Star Wars) andenjoyethicaldebates.YoucanalsouseAuthenticitytoshowsympathyforlovedonesandbeanemotionalrockintimesofdistress.

TheISTJ3-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)Exploration encourages new experiences and helps people see a bigger,interconnectedworld.Thepreferredfunctionforentrepreneursandadventurers,Explorationhelpspeopleimagineandchampionabetterworld...aslongastheyare willing to take chances and make big changes. It’s an optimistic andimaginativefunction,activatingintuitiontospotopportunities.

As a 3-Year-Old function, Exploration for the ISTJ is the part of them thatwhispers from theshadows.Normallycapableof sticking to thesame routinesand patterns day in and day out, suddenly the ISTJ will have be cravingsomethingnew,unique,andadventurous.

TherearethreewaysanISTJexperiencesthegrip,themomentswhentheDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolofthecar.ThisismostlikelywhentheISTJsuddenlysoursonsomeaspectoftheirlifeorishauntedbyatraumaticmemorynotfullyprocessed.

Short-termgrip.Thissurfaceswhentheusualsolutionscan’tsolvethecurrentproblem. After repeated attempts to find a familiar explanation for a new

challenge, the ISTJ may become so frustrated that they try a quick fix,sometimes with consequences that cause even more damage. Impulsivelyquittinga job, spendingmoney theycan’tafford, leaving townwithoutaplan,startingorendingarelationship…thebiggerandmoreimpulsive thedecision,themorelikelythelong-termconsequenceswillbeugly.

Long-termgrip.TheISTJmaybecomeaddictedtoowningnewthings(atleast,thingsnewtothem)andfindtheirhouseoverwhelmedwithgrowingcollectionsand clutter. If pressed to get rid of the clutter they’ve become emotionallyattached to, the normally careful and detailed ISTJmay start losing facts anddatesandfindthemselvesinamentalfog.

Habitualgrip.Unable tofullyshutdownthevoiceofExplorationbutpooratinterpretingitspatterns,theISTJmaybecomeacatastrophizer.They’llfearthatevery new situation will end in calamity, that each new person is suspect.AnxietyoverimpendingdoomwillcastashadowovertheISTJ’slife,twistingExploration fromanoptimistic function intoperpetualpessimism.As the ISTJbecomes increasingly closed off, they’ll become bitter about the missedopportunitiestheydeniedthemselves.Thisisthemostdifficultgriptodisrupt.Itwasn’tbuiltonprooforreason,sonoprooforreasoncancounterit.

HowtoBestUseExplorationThe best way to use Exploration as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelpprevent thegripfromoccurring.In thiscase,giveyourself thenovelty you crave. Start a DIY (do-it-yourself) project at home, or considerpaintingawalladifferentcolor.Planatriptosomewhereyou’veneverbeen,oreat at a restaurant you’ve beenmeaning to try. Do something that brings outyourinnercraftsperson.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromthefamiliar.Remindyourselfthatlifedoesn’thavetobesopredictable.Keepitsimple,active,andsafe—thisisn’tthetimetomakebigdecisions,it’satimetogetplayful.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingExplorationinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoice

that whispers in the back of your mind. Exploration as an aspiration canencourage ISTJs to become creative and adventurous, knowing that if thingsaren’t working, they can always be changed and improved through a littleexperimentation. It helps the ISTJ become open to new ideas and situations,lettingthemreleasefearoftheunknownandrigidityofbelief.

ReflectionThewaysExplorationcangripanISTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeingintheGripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyExploration3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER13

ISFJPersonalityType

ISFJs are great at accepting people and situations. They understand that ouruniqueexperiencesovertimeshapeusintothepeopleweare.

Withanaturalabilitytounderstandindividualhumanneeds,ISFJscraftacaring,socially supportive, and specialworld for those they love by creating routinesand traditions. They are the reliable friend, parent, boss, or child who allowsotherpeopletofeelrestedandsecureintheirspace.

Becausetheyfocusonstabilityandtradition,ISFJsmaybecomeoverwhelmediftoo much social change occurs too quickly. If this is left unchecked, it candevelopintofull-fledgedfear,causingthemtoretreatintowhatiscomfortableorbecomedefensivelycritical.

If an ISFJ can open their heart and developways to increase connectionwithothers, they will see their natural talents meeting the needs of others evenbeyond their immediate social groups. This, combined with principled love,allowstheISFJtoextendthecareandsupporttheynaturallygivetotheworldatlarge.

TheISFJDriverIsMemory(Si)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ISFJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingMemory as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingISFJ.While this cognitive function ismost commonlyusedas a strength, it isinfluencedby itsuniqueexperiencesandcanberatherquirky.Whenusing theMemory Driver, an ISFJ can learn to be reliable, be careful, and honorprocedure; upholdold traditions andcreatenewones; andbe resilient throughandacceptingofsituationsthatcannotbechanged.

BeReliableandCareful

ForpeoplewhouseMemoryasaDriver,livinginanunpredictableorunstableenvironmentcarriesahugepenalty.Toavoidthiskindofenvironment,peopleofyour type are amazing at maintaining procedures and processes to minimizeinstability.Ifnoprocedureexists,Memoryiscompelledtofindone.

Memory users recognize the need for care and caution. There is no reason tomake repeated mistakes if a process is established to track them. It can be asimple aphorism to pass helpful knowledge from one generation to the next,such as “Measure twice, cut once.” There are important reasons we havestandards.While itmightsoundfun to“reinvent thewheel,”actualcarwheelswouldbeincrediblydifficulttoshopforifthereweren’tanestablishedstandardandseriesofregulationsontheirsizeandfittomostvehicles.

It’s important for an ISFJ to avoid becoming passive or getting used to chaosthey could otherwise prevent or avoid. This talent extends to amuch broaderscale, and it could be argued that the very infrastructure of society—the rulesandprocedures thatkeepusgoing—aremaintainedandmanagedprimarilybypeoplewhohavetheMemoryprocessasaskill.

ExerciseIdentifyareasinyourlifethatareunsafeorinviolationofestablishedstandards,particularly things that (if left by themselves) could become a problem in thefuture. Look to a trusted organization, community, or family culture to gaugewhatthestandardisandhowyoucancorrectit.Ifyou’reunsure,consultexpertsforguidanceonhowtocorrecttheissue.

ReflectionWhat areasofmy life am I letting turn into chaos? Is there a procedure I canimplementtoreestablishsanity?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthischaosby:

HoldsRelationshipwithTradition

Memory users recognize how much each individual is influenced by theirexperiences.Theyalsounderstandtheimportanceofensuringthatmostofthosememoriesarepositive.Itisapleasuretocreatewonderfulmemoriesthatcanbereplayedandenjoyedforever.Forthisreason,it’scommonforMemoryuserstoenjoyholidays,familygatherings,andothertimeswhenlovedonesgettogetherformomentous occasions.Theymay stay up all nightChristmasEve tomakesureChristmasmorningiseverythingtheirfamilyhopeditwouldbe.

They’realsoverytouchedwhenotherpeopletakethetimetocreateawonderfulexperienceforthem,andanniversariesarenottobemissed.ThefirstrestaurantanISFJandtheirspousegotoisn’t justanotherrestaurant; it’sasymbolofanimportant event, and going back to the same restaurant for anniversariescompletes the experience. Once a shared memory has been repeated oftenenough,itbecomestradition,somethinguponwhichtoanchortherelationship.

Traditionscanalsobeusedforhealing.TraumathatisdifficulttoshakefromtheISFJ’smemorymayrequireahealingtradition.Forexample,whenalovedonedies,itmaybecomeanannualtraditiontogatherwithotherstotalkaboutthem,rememberthem,andpaytributebylivinglifefullyintheirhonor.

The more sophisticated Memory gets, the more it’s open to adopting newtraditions. This is important to remember, as Memory in its infancy may befearful of the unfamiliar. Changing one’s traditions—including beliefs andparadigms—mayfeeldisloyal toparentsandother trustedauthorities.Butas itmatures, Memory becomes a more adaptable function. It incorporates newexperiences into its identity, learning tobecomewhatever isappropriate to thecontext.

ExerciseConsider ways you can pass on the traditions of your family to the nextgeneration.Isthereatraditionyouinheritedthatcanbetaughttoyourchildren,nieces, or nephews? Do they understand the importance of it, and will theycontribute topassing itonafteryou’regone?Howcanyoumake the traditionmore enjoyable in away thatwill leave a lasting impression, helpmold theirexperience,andhelpthemwanttocarrythetorch?

ReflectionThetraditionthathashadthebiggestimpactonmeis:

ShowResilienceandAcceptance

Acceptanceisnotpassive,norisitcomplacent.It’sarecognitionofwhatcannotbechanged,andacomingtotermswithhowthosethingsimpactone’slife.

It’snot easy to accept things as theyare, butMemoryhas thegreatestnaturaltalent for it, and therefore,Memory users demonstrate great resilience duringtrying situations. True acceptance includes letting go of judgment and blame(including of oneself) and instead addressing situations with tolerance andforgiveness. Memory meets unfair situations with fairness, and finds peacewithin.

Memory users naturally understand the passage of time. They register changealmostimmediatelyandknowhowpeopleareformedbytheirexperiences.Theygetthatwearewhowearebecauseofourpast.Trulytraumaticexperiencescan

breakpeoplepast their limits,buttimecanhealevenbrokenness.Asit issaid,“timehealsallwounds,”evenifittakesdecades,andwecanbestrongerpeopleforit.Theytrekthroughtheirhealingwithoutfanfare.WhenanISFJisworkingthrough acceptance, they will very rarely announce it to others, preferring toquietlyandinternallywalkthroughtheprocess.It’snotuncommonforoutsidersto worry about ISFJs going through hard times, only to later remark on theirseeminglysuperhumanresilience.

It’s important to remember that acceptance is not submitting to unhealthysituations.It’snotneedlesslyputtingupwithphysicalpain,abadrelationship,ora toxic context. Predicaments that can be changed should be changed.Acceptance is not endurance; it’s the opposite. It is ending the suffering thataccompanies resisting reality, but it does not involve seeking out a painfulreality.

ExercisePractice self-acceptance. When you notice that you are judging or ratingyourself,lookforatimeinyourpastthatmayhavepromptedthethought.Didthis criticismoriginally come from a parent? Is this self-criticism from a timeyoubelievedyoufailedat something? Ifyouaremucholder thanyouwereattheoriginofthethought,istherewisdomyouhavenowthatchangeshowyouexperiencetheincitingevent?Didyoudothebestyoucouldatthetime?Whatconnections do you now see that you missed then? Can you forgive youryounger self? Does your younger self need forgiveness at all, or just a littleunderstanding? Focus on letting go of the pain and the belief that caused thejudgment.

ReflectionWhat’syourbiggestregret?Whathaveyoudonetomakeamendswithyourselforforgiveyourself?

SettingUptheRightConditionsThe enemy of Memory is instability. If life becomes too erratic, chaotic, orunpredictable,Memoryhasdifficultydoingwhatitdoesbest:establishingorderandkeepingeveryonesafe.

As your Driver, this is your flow state, and if you’re not using this processenough, you’ll eventually runout of juice andbecomedepressed.Set upyourconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Keeplifesimpleandmanageable.Andiflifeisthrowingtoomanyneworoverwhelmingthingsatyou,makesureyouhaveplentyoftimeforyourselftopost-processthesemoments.

Journaling or otherwise recording eventswill help you review the details andfigureoutwhat’smeaningfulforyou.Reachingouttootherstotalkabouthowshared lifeexperiences impacted themcanhelpyouclarifyyourown thoughtsandrecalldifferentaspectsofyourmemories.Giveyourself fullpermission tohavedifferenttakeawaysthanothers.

ReflectionThetalentsMemorycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseMemoryare:

I’mgoingtodevelopMemorymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheISFJCopilotIsHarmony(Fe)Withoutanextravertedjudgingprocess,theISFJisnotcomplete.Standardsandtraditionsneed tobevetted to ensure they’re still relevant and servingpeople.Withoutcheckingintoensurethatthesystemsstillworkandaresustainable,theISFJmay get stuck in a rut, unable to determine if their life is on track or ifthey’resimplyexistingfromday today.Theymaybecomerigidandafraidoftheunknown.

AnextravertedjudgingprocessempowerstheISFJtobeflexible,buildproofofconcept,andnotsimplymakeassumptionsbasedonpastresults.Asopposedtositting on the sidelines of life, they can become a proactive and empoweredplayer.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.

But that doesn’tmean every ISFJwill have the same skill level or use it in ahealthyway.DevelopingHarmonyasahealthyprocess iscrucial tobecominganamazingISFJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an extraverted functionwhen one is anIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonMemory,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsHarmonybringswillbekey.

IdentifyandMeetNeedsFluctuatingemotionsareoftenthefirstsignthatapersonhasunmetneeds.AnISFJmaybesotunedinandsensitivetoemotionsthattheyfinditeasytohelppeoplefeelsafe,loved,andstable.Thiscanbeassimpleashostingapartyandmakingitlookeffortless,tobeingashoulderforagrievingfriendtocryon,tohelpingfriendswithcomplicatedrelationshipissues.PeoplewhohavedevelopedtheirHarmony process become so skilled at this, they often become the go-topersoninatimeofcrisis.Learningtobeavailabletohelpmeetpeople’sneedshelpstheISFJbecomeextremelyindustriousandhavelotsofunexpectedtalentsandskillsinavarietyofareas.

It’sequallyimportantforanISFJtomakesurethey’regettingtheirownneedsmet.Theycan’trunonfumesallthetime,andtheycan’tbeofhelptoothersifthey’re perpetually exhausted. It’s best to express unmet needs out loud.Similarly, it’sgood toavoidbehavior likewalkingawaywhenunhappy,beingsilentlydisapproving,orcryingalone.WhenanISFJiscomfortableexpressingtheirownemotions, theybecomea rolemodel forotherswhoneed toexpressthemselves,andtheyarebetterabletohelpothersmeettheirneeds.

ExerciseAskyourself,“Whatneedisgoingunmetforme?”Itcouldbealonetime,bettereatinghabits,moresleep,aconversationwithafriend,anightout,orjustsomepampering.Onceyouidentifyit,askyourselftheeasiestandfastestwaytogetthatneedmet.

ReflectionNameyourtopthreeneedsthatfrequentlygounmet.

Now, look at your schedule.What are youprioritizing that gets in thewayofthoseneedsbeingmet?Ifit’speopleyoucareabout,likeyourspouse,children,family, and friends, just remember that you can’t get to their needs if you’rerunningon fumes. Journal3 to5 ideas thatyoucanbegin implementing to fitthoseneedsintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildHealthyBoundariesHarmony is the process that is used to create and maintain unspoken socialcontracts.Contractsaredesigned forus toknoweachother’sexpectationsandhonor them (as long as they are agreedupon). If you, as an ISFJ, don’t knowyour boundaries,Harmonywill encourage you to spend timewith people andexperience both acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Once you know yourboundaries,Harmonyhelpsyoucreatecontractsaroundthem.

Thatmeansyou’llhavetocommunicatethemtothepeopleinyourlife,makingsuretheyfullyunderstandandagreetoyourboundaries.Inamomentwhereyoufeel taken advantage of or thrown under a bus, ask yourself which of yourboundarieshasbeenbroken,andifitwasyouortheotherpersonthatbrokeit.

Reflection

Followthejournalpromptbelowtobecomecleareraboutyourboundaries.Feelfree to repeat this journal prompt multiple times until you feel confident andauthenticabouttheboundariesyou’vediscoveredandset.Onceyou’vedoneso,share them with the three people who you feel closest to. If they areuncomfortablewithyournewboundaries,askifit’sbecausetheboundariesareunreasonable, or because they will change the relationship. Be sensitive toresistancetochangewhilestayingfirmwithyourrequirements.

Remember:Boundarysettingisaskill.Itmightbebumpyatfirst,butovertimeandwithsmallsuccesses,yourboundarieswillbecomeapartofyouridentity.

Namethree(ormore)thingsyouwouldliketoseemoreofinyourlife:

Namethree(ormore)behaviorsyouwillneverallowinyourlifeagain:

Iwouldliketostrengthentheboundariesintheseareasofmylife:

Icanimprovetheboundariesineachareaofmylifeby:

Ifsomeonecrossesaboundary,myplanistosay:

UnderstandSocialContractsUnderstanding unspoken social contracts means being able to know what’sexpected of yourself and others. This comes from a lifelong study of whatoffendsotherpeopleversuswhatmakesthemfeelcomfortable.

Thistypeofunderstandingisamajoradvantageinnewcircumstancesandwhenfirstmeetingpeople.You’reveryrarelygoingtosaythewrongthingoralienateothers. Infact,peopleofyour typeareoftenpopular ingroupsettingsbecauseyoucanhelpkeeptheconversationgoingwithoutoffendinganyoneor leavinganyoneout.

Mostimportantly,tappingintothespectrumofsocialcontractsremindsanISFJthat people have different values and needs. This opens them up to a bigger,broaderworld.CreatingrelationshipswithavarietyofpeopleremindstheISFJthateveryonehashadauniqueexperienceandmaycomewithfreshideasandrelevantperspectives.

Exercise

Make it your aim tomeetmany new people. Themore people youmeet, themoreopportunitiesyouhave tounderstand thecultures theycome from.Whatwastheirfamily’sculture?Whatareaofthecountryorworldaretheyfrom?DomisunderstandingsofculturegetinthewayofcreatingHarmony?Howcanyourincreasedunderstandingofotherpeopleandtheirfamilyorcountryhelpyoutokeeprelationshipsbetweenpeopleinsocialsettingscongenialandhappy?

ReflectionThe way I feel about meeting new people is:______________________________________________________________

If I experience any hesitancy aboutmeeting new people,what do I suspect isgoingonforme?

Iwillmeetonenewpersonthisweek.Afterward,IwillrecordtheconversationandwhatIlearnedfromithere:

CopilotGrowth

Harmony is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. ItencouragesyouasanISFJtoproactivelysetboundariesforyourselfandothers,leading to an ultimately happier atmosphere. To encourage Harmony, askyourself:• AmItrulygivingback,orjustseekingapproval?

• WhatisthekindestthingIcandointhissituation?

• HowcanIbeavailabletomeetotherpeople’sneedswithoutcompromisingmyown?

• Doesitmakesenseformetoputasidemydesiresforthisrelationship?

It’s easy for an ISFJ to get lost in seeking the approval of others. Beingvulnerable and speakingupcan feel threatening.But if relationships areneverbuilt on intimacy and understanding, you will always feel like something ismissing. Developing Harmony will encourage the ISFJ to break the cycle ofperfectionism and approval seeking. The Harmonious ISFJ will focus on thecomfortofothers,nottheirmistakesandshortcomings.

GrowingHarmonycanbeachallengeforyouasanISFJ.Butsettingboundariesintheoutsideworldwillhelpyoumeetyourneeds.Harmonyencouragesyoutoseek and foster healthy relationshipswith other people.Hiding isn’t an optionwhen there are delightful connections to be made. It also encourages you toestablishhealthyboundariessothatyounolongerstandbehindanimpenetrablewall,butratheragatethatcanbeopenedorclosed.

Trythesestrategiestoimproveboundary-setting:

• Say“No”toeveryrequestforonefullday.Itdoesn’tmatterhoweasytherequestis;justsaynoaspracticeforsettingboundaries.

• Everyday,aimtosetasidesome“metime.”

• Payattentiontocrazymakers—thosepeoplewhosteponyourboundaries.Practicestandingupforyourselfwhentheycomeintoyourworldanddemandattention.

ReflectionThetalentsHarmonycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseHarmonyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopHarmonymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourHarmonyprocesstoday:

TheISFJ10-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)Accuracy is designed to help a person look inside their own mind and spotincongruitiesandinconsistenciesintheirthinking.Illustratively,itseesthemindasbeingwrittenincomputercodeandisalwaysonthelookoutfor“badcode.”Thismaybeinformationandknowledgeimplantedbyotherpeople,orevenbyyoungerversionsoftheself,thatarenolongerworthyandshouldberemoved.Asa10-Year-Oldfunction,AccuracyfortheISFJisthatyoungerversionoftheself,andthusislessadeptatspottingthebadcode.

Sometimesit’sarealpleasuretoseethingsintechnicalterms.ItallowstheISFJsome breathing room from the flood of emotions swirling around. AccuracyallowsthedatacollectedbyMemoryandHarmony—whypeopledowhattheydo,howtheyrespondtoeachother—tobeorganizedintoascientificframework.Andit’snicetohavesomewaytoorganizetheMemoryfunction’sobservationssince the sensory function has no real mechanism for capturing and taggingthoseinsights.

Asanintrovertedfunction,AccuracyallowstheISFJtoaccessajudgingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownminds.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheISFJgets used to relying upon Accuracy to help form their conclusions they canrationalize skipping development of their extraverted judging process ofHarmony.And that’swhen the troublestarts.For ISFJs, thisusuallymanifestsbytheirbeinguncharacteristicallycritical,especiallyofotherpeople’sbehavior.

Accuracyis,inalargepart,aboutbreakinginformationdownandseeinghowitdoesn’t lineup.Peoplewhohave it as a strengthareusuallyprettygoodat it.They’re not looking for how someone is wrong, but rather for how theinformation itselfcouldbemoreconsistent.ButanISFJ iswired tobeat theirbestwhenunderstandingtheeffects thingshaveonotherpeople’sfeelingsandemotions.

If the ISFJ 10-Year-Old gets to have the final call without consulting theCopilot,it’sgoingtosortintricateinformationata10-Year-Oldlevel.10-Year-OldAccuracywilllookforotherpeopletobewrongandcriticizetheirthinking.Especially when the ISFJ is feeling threatened by untraditional or unfamiliarhabits,they’llendupdiscreditingthenewworldview.

Another way Accuracy can manifest itself as a 10-Year-Old is by beingunnecessarily perfectionistic. While perfectionism can manifest in manysituations,itisusuallyastrategytoavoidotherpeople’sdisapproval.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ISFJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheHarmonyprocess.

Short-term loop.Thismayonly last fora fewmomentsup toa fewdays. Itsintent is to protect the ISFJ from information that could be distressing at thatmoment. Usually, this is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed by unfamiliarperspectives or ideals. It’s marked by uncharacteristic coldness and harshcriticismtowardtheperson(orpeople)thatcausedthedistress.Thelogicbehindthisreactionistodiscreditotherstoprotecttheself:“Idon’thavetocareaboutthefeelingsofanunworthyperson,soI’llfigureoutallthewaysthispersonis

unworthy.”

Have you ever been in an argument and used a grammatical or logicaltechnicality against your opponent to “prove” they didn’t know what they’retalking about? For example, “Anyone who would use a double negative isobviously an idiot, andnotworthmy time.”This behavior is the result of nothaving strong enough boundaries, lacking good strategies for dealing withoverload,ornothavingasolidself-careregimen.

Long-term loop. This strategy entails hiding away from society: living insidebooksandresearch,shuttingoutotherpeople’semotionalbaggage,andcreatingabubbleofinvulnerability.Whilethisloopdoesn’tmaketheISFJfeelbadaboutthemselves,asthefirstloopmaydo,it’smoredifficulttobreakawayfrom.TheISFJ’s entire world becomes molded around self-protection, and it usuallyresults in loneliness.Theonlyway to escape is toovercome the fear of beingvulnerable.

Habitual loop. This is possibly the most challenging loop to overcome:perfectionism.ThemoreperfectanISFJis,thelesstheycanbecalledoutonanyundesirablebehaviors.Or,atleast,iftheouterworldconfrontsthem,theyhaveanairtightdefenseofhavingdoneeverythingbythebook,exactlyasexpected,andwithoutflaw.Theworldoftenrewardsperfectionismmorethanitpunishesit,sotheISFJmayreceivemostlypositivefeedbackforbeingoh-so-good.Thisreinforcestheperfectionisticloop,andmakesitnearlyimpossibletobreak.

Perfectionismisrifewithchallenges,however.GrowthisstuntedwhentheISFJis unwilling to accept and forgive themselves for faults. Additionally,perfectionists make everyone around them uncomfortable. For example, haveyoueverknownsomeonesoobsessedwithkeepingtheirhousesoperfect,theyputplasticoverallofthefurniture?Wasvisitingacomfortableexperience?

AsaHarmonyperson,anISFJshouldwanttomaketheirguestsascomfortableaspossible.Butwhenstuckintheperfectionistloop,theystopconsideringhowtheir homewillmake their guests feel and start hyper-focusing on the details.Theyinadvertentlycreateaninhospitableenvironment.

Reflection

ThewaysMemoryandAccuracycanloopinanISFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseAccuracy

If you find yourself getting overly critical, or hyper-focused on details andperfectionism,thisisabaduseoftheAccuracyfunction.TapintotheHarmonyfunction and ask yourself, “Yes, but what’s best for everyone?Whatwill geteveryone’sneedsmet, aswell asmyown?” If yourbehavior endsuppushingpeople away or not taking their feelings into consideration, it’s time toreevaluatewhat’simportanttoyou.

Thatsaid,ifyou’vecarefullyconsideredhowbesttomeetotherpeople’sneeds(aswellasyourown),andyourgutistellingyouthatyouneedtospendsometimebreakingdown the factsof thematter, thatwouldbe the time to listen toAccuracy. Just don’t let it fool you into emotionally disconnecting as aprotective,defensivestrategy.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypeoftenenjoypuzzlesandotherpurelyanalyticgames.

Youcanusethesamementalprocesstogetinsidetheheadsofthepeopleyoulove in order to truly understand how they think and see the world. Sharingimportant truths with loved ones—whether they’re truths about your ownboundaries,themisstepsothersmaybetaking,orevenyourphilosophicalviewsin general—helps them trust and rest into your honesty. It prevents you fromappearing fake. The key is to ensure the information has first been vetted byHarmonyasanactofcaringandloveforbothyourselfandtheotherindividual.Thisqualityisextremelyappreciatedbypeoplethatloveyou.

TheISFJ3-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)Exploration encourages new experiences and helps people see a bigger,interconnectedworld.Thepreferredfunctionforentrepreneursandadventurers,Explorationhelpspeopleimagineandchampionabetterworld...aslongastheyare willing to take chances and make big changes. It’s an optimistic andimaginativefunction,activatingintuitiontospotopportunities.

As a 3-Year-Old function, Exploration for the ISFJ is the part of them thatwhispers from theshadows.Normallycapableof sticking to thesame routinesand patterns day in and day out, suddenly the ISFJ will have be cravingsomethingnew,unique,andadventurous.

TherearethreewaysanISFJexperiencesthegrip,themomentswhentheDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolofthecar.ThisismostlikelywhentheISFJsuddenlysoursonsomeaspectoftheirlifeorishauntedbyatraumaticmemorynotfullyprocessed.

Short-termgrip.Thissurfaceswhentheusualsolutionscan’tsolvethecurrentproblem. After repeated attempts to find a familiar explanation for a newchallenge, the ISFJ may become so frustrated that they try a quick fix,sometimes with consequences that cause even more damage. Impulsivelyquittinga job, spendingmoney theycan’tafford, leaving townwithoutaplan,startingorendingarelationship…thebiggerandmoreimpulsive thedecision,themorelikelythelong-termconsequenceswillbeugly.

Long-termgrip.TheISFJmaybecomeaddictedtoowningnewthings(atleast,thingsnewtothem)andfindtheirhouseoverwhelmedwithgrowingcollections

and clutter. If pressed to get rid of the clutter they’ve become emotionallyattached to, the normally careful and detailed ISFJmay start losing facts anddatesandfindthemselvesinamentalfog.

Habitualgrip.Unable tofullyshutdownthevoiceofExplorationbutpooratinterpretingitspatterns,theISFJmaybecomeacatastrophizer.They’llfearthatevery new situation will end in calamity, that each new person is suspect.AnxietyoverimpendingdoomwillcastashadowovertheISFJ’slife,twistingExploration fromanoptimistic function intoperpetualpessimism.As the ISFJbecomes increasingly closed off, they’ll become bitter about the missedopportunitiestheydeniedthemselves.Thisisthemostdifficultgriptodisrupt.Itwasn’tbuiltonprooforreason,sonoprooforreasoncancounterit.

HowtoBestUseExplorationThe best way to use Exploration as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelpprevent thegripfromoccurring.In thiscase,giveyourself thenovelty you crave. Start a DIY (do-it-yourself) project at home, or considerpaintingawalladifferentcolor.Planatriptosomewhereyou’veneverbeen,oreat at a restaurant you’ve beenmeaning to try. Do something that brings outyourinnercraftsperson.

The goal is to give yourself a break from the familiar and from the recordplaying in your mind. Remind yourself that life doesn’t have to be sopredictable. Keep it simple, active, and safe—this isn’t the time to make bigdecisions,it’satimetogetplayful.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingExplorationinthiswaycanalsoprovideasourceofaspiration,thevoicethat whispers in the back of your mind. Exploration as an aspiration canencourage ISFJs to become creative and adventurous, knowing that if thingsaren’t working, they can always be changed and improved through a littleexperimentation. It helps the ISFJ become open to new ideas and situations,lettingthemreleasefearoftheunknownandrigidityofbelief.

ReflectionThewaysExplorationcangripanISFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyExploration3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER14

INTPPersonalityType

There is a thought leader living inside every INTP. For this thought leader toaffect theworld, the INTPmust build the skills of persuasion, influence, andconnectioninthemidstofrawdatacollection.

INTPshavethecapacitytomanageimmenseamountsofinformationanddata.Itis common for INTPs to claim they know nothing about a subject until theyknow everything about it. They can also turn that data and information intoknowledge and wisdom. This comes from gaining reference experiences andtesting theoretical information in the real world. INTPsmove toward thoughtleadership,butonlywhentheyarewillingtoprovethemselveswronginsteadoffindingwaysinwhichtheyarealwaysright.

INTPshaveadeep,sometimesunconscious,yearningtoconnectwithothers.IfaconnectionremainsaloofevenafteranINTP’sbestattemptshavebeenmade,they can become jaded by people and their “silly social games.” It can be achallenge for the INTP to avoid cynicism. But when the INTP prioritizesexploringlifeoverdefendingtheirconclusions,theydevelopacheerfulnessthatattractsothersandleadstotheconnectionstheysecretlycrave.

TheINTPDriverIsAccuracy(Ti)It’simportanttorememberthattheAccuracyprocessisatalent,andthatmeansnot every INTP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingAccuracy as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingINTP.Accuracygives theINTPtheability topruneout logical inconsistenciesandincongruities,aswellasintegrity,radicalhonesty,focus,andmastery.

PruneOutLogicalInconsistenciesandIncongruitiesPeoplewith a strongAccuracy process often have no problem slicing throughemotionally difficult circumstances in order to see the situation as presented.Accuracyusershavetheabilitytospotlogicalfallaciesandbiases.Thatsaid,it’sfareasiertoseeotherpeople’sbiasesthanourown.ThemoreanINTPdevelopsAccuracy, themore the functionwill enable an INTP to spot their ownbiasesanddissonance.

Accuracy is a subjective function. Thismeans theAccuracy user asks, “Whatmakessensetome?”Whenthefunctionisinitsinfancy,itcanrationalizenearlyanything.Overtime,astheprocessdevelopsandmatures,Accuracyusersbeginspotting incongruities not only in what others are saying, but in their ownthinking.Likeaprogrammerworkingthroughlinesofcode,anAccuracyuser’sfirstjobistocleanupcorruptscriptwithintheirownmind.

Thiscanbechallenging.Onceamental code isdiscovered tobe faulty, it canseemlikethemindisbeingrippedapartinanefforttodismantletheflawedidea.Thismaymanifestasanexistentialcrisis,andcanbeasemotionallyimpactfulasthedeathofalovedone.ButthemoreyoubuildtheskillofAccuracy,themoresurvivablethesurgicalremovaloffaultycodebecomes.Eventually,therewardsofcleanthinkingarefelt,andremovingcognitivedissonanceandbiasbecomespartofyouridentityasanINTP.

ReflectionWhatiftherewerenorightanswers,onlybetterquestions?Ifyouwereabletocraftyourownideasfromscratch,whatwouldtheybe?Doyoufearlosingyourcompetencyifyouloseyourthoughts?Canyouevertrulylosewhoyouare,orareyouconstantlychanging,anyway?

Atitsbest,Accuracylearnstosay,“Idon’tknow,”withoutbeingdisturbedbyuncertainty.Reflectonthefollowingquestions:

WhatthoughtorbeliefhaveInotbeenlookingattoocarefully?IfIlookedatitcritically,woulditsurviveanhonestanalysis?DoIfearlettingitgo?WhatelsewouldIhavetolookatcriticallyifIletthisonego?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthisbeliefby:

IntegrityandRadicalHonesty

Well-developedAccuracy allows you to express truths nomatter how hurtfultheycanbe.Whiletruthcanhurt,itdoesn’thavetobeunkindorcruel.Infact,Accuracy users intend to be kindwhen speaking harsh truths, and are usuallyappreciativewhenothers do them the service of beinghonest.Accuracyuserswould much rather know the truth now than be deluded and taken off guardlater.

Young Accuracy users can feel like they’re always on the wrong side of theconversation. It’s not uncommon for INTPs to get the feedback that they’realways saying thewrong thing or being offensive. Theworld has a push-pullrelationshipwith the idea of truth, and INTPs can sometimes find themselvesgraspingathowtosaysomething.

As the Accuracy skill matures, however, INTPs become less concerned withforcing truth on others and develop a skill in sharing truths in context. Forexample,theproverbialquestion,“DoIlookfatinthisdress?”mayappeartobeatrap,buttothedevelopedAccuracyuser,thisisasimplequestiontoanswer:eithertheindividualisthinandnodresswillmakethemappearfat,ortheyarefatandnodresswillmakethemappearthin.If thepersonis, inreality,askingabouthowflatteringthedressis,thenyes,therearesomedressesthataremoreand less flattering to thebody.ThekeenAccuracyuserwould love toknowifthatistheactualquestion,andtheywouldlikelyaskforclarification.Becauseifitis,theywouldwonder,whydoesn’tthepersonjustaskitthatway?

While candor can be disconcerting at first, most people are relieved to hearpeople give unbiased thoughts. On this front, Accuracy is the watchman thatmakessurewedon’tdrifttoofarintocollectivedissonancejusttokeepupsocialpretenses.But italsoensures that theINTPdoesn’tdrift toofar into theirownpretenses, and so it helps the INTPdevelop a strong appreciation for integrity

and duty. Doing the right thing is logically consistent, even when it’suncomfortableorunpleasant.Ofcourse,ifanINTPhasn’tfirstbeenhonestwiththemselves,thentheirviewscaninsteadbeantisocialopinions,whicharerarelywelcome.

ExerciseObserve howoften you lie to other people.According to a study done by theUniversityofMassachusettsatAmherst,60percentofpeopletellanaverageoftwotothreeliesinaten-minuteconversation.

Forexample,whenpeopleaskhowyou’redoing,doyouanswerhonestly?Doyoufeigninterestinconversationsthatareboringtoyou?Doyouhidethetruthtoavoidhurtfeelings?Whileyouwatchyourselflieinconversation,don’tjudgeor justify yourself by saying, “I have to lie in this situation because....” Justobserve.

Now that you’vewatched the differentways you tend to lie, turn this inward.Watch how often you lie to yourself. Keep a finger on the pulse of yourcognitivedissonance.

ReflectionHowcouldIbemorehonestwithothersandmyself?AmIwillingtospeakthetruthevenifit’shurtful?DoothersfindmecondescendingwhenIdothis?HowcanIlearntospeakcompletetruths?

FocusandMastery

Accuracy offers an amazing ability to focus, which is represented in a hugevariety of ways. It’s seen in the best athletes, philosophers, and mechanics.Whentheybreakdownideas,machines,orsystems,theyhavetokeeptrackofall themovingparts.It’snoteasytodo,anditrequiresthemtodevelopfocus.Peoplewho useAccuracy keep track of data by creating frameworks.With aframework in place, they can zoom in and focus all of their attention on onething,therebymasteringit.

AbasketballplayerusingAccuracycanspendendlesshourspracticing3-pointshots, ever so slightly altering the angle of their wrist until they can shoot aperfect3-pointshoteachtime.Thissametalentstartswithnoticingincongruitiesof thoughts as a child. The same process takes place in themind and on thecourt:Whensomethingdoesn’tlineup,keepworkinguntilitlinesupperfectly.Philosophersand scientistsoftenuseAccuracywhenbreakingdown ideasandbeliefs.

It’s important todiscipline themind to focusonmasteringpractical skills,notsimply pleasurable activities. It’s easy to focus on things that are fun andengaging, but INTPs make a true difference when they can use their skill tofocus on mundane or “boring” activities. Using focus and skill mastery toimproveyourselfandfulfilldutiescreatesarewardinglife.

ExerciseWhenwefocusoureyes,wezeroinonasingleobjectandalloweverythingelsetobecomefuzzyaroundit.Thatobjectbecomesveryclearandsharp,andifwefocus long enough,we’ll begin to see the object in detail. All of the object’spartsbecomeobvious.

Dothiswithyourmind.Workonaproblemwhileallowingeverythingoutsidethe problem to become fuzzy. This could anything from trying to master amusicalrefrainorworkingoutacomplexmathematicalproblem.Asyouspendmore time focusing your attention, you will start to see its parts, such as thenotesintherefrainortheformulasofthemathproblem.

Reflection

HowcanIdisciplinemymindtobe5percentmorefocusedtoday?

SettingUptheRightConditions

The enemy of Accuracy is relationship overload. Accuracy users requireconcentrated,focusedtime.IfanINTPisresponsibleformeetingotherpeople’sneedsorisfrequentlyinterrupted,theywilllosefocusandmentalstamina.

AsyourINTPDriver,Accuracyisyourflowstate,andifyou’renotusingthisprocessenough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofenergyandmaybecomedepressed.Setupyourdailyconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Forexample,ifyou find yourself getting overwhelmed with the demands of others or withdomestic responsibilities, find time in your day for just yourself and yourresearch.Learningcomplexsystems—whetherthey’reconceptualormechanical—may not be taxing for your mind, but they are demanding of your fullattention.

DevelopingyourDriverprocessmayseemunneeded,sinceit’snaturalforyoutoregularlyuseit.Butthere’sadifferencebetweenusingtheAccuracyprocessanddevelopingit.

WhenAccuracy isyoung, itover-relieson itsown logic. It canassumeothersaren’t as knowledgeable, smart, or thoughtful. Young Accuracy disregardsothers’experiencesandobservations,assumingthehumanexperienceiswithoutmeritunless ithasbeensupportedbyhardscienceordata.Blindtotheimpactthey have on others, INTPs can appear harsh and callous when deliveringinformationtheythinkothersshouldalreadyknow.Ontheotherhand,Accuracyuserscanzoomintoasubjectandmissrelevantpiecesofinformation,assumingtheyalreadyhaveeverythingworkedout.

INTPsmust recognize that other people can be the source of knowledge and

wisdom.Thereismuchtolearnfromanother’sexperience.AnINTPcanexpandtheirownreasonbylearningfromabroaderworld.

ReflectionThetalentsAccuracycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAccuracyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAccuracymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheINTPCopilotIsExploration(Ne)

Without an extravertedperceivingprocess, the INTP is not complete.Withoutaccess to feedback from the world and noticing how other people experiencereality, the INTP’s convictions and beliefs will be insular and self-serving.Broadening their territory to include people of many walks of life, receivingdissentingviews,andallowingthemselvestofailencouragestheINTPtoloosentheirattachmenttoidentitywhilepursuingabetterversionofthemselves.

An extraverted perceiving process also empowers the INTP to learn differentformsofcommunicationandpersuasion.Theycan,overtime,becomepowerfulchangeagents,asopposedtosilencedidealistswhohopetheworldwillchangeforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery INTPwillhave thesameskill leveloruse it inahealthyway.DevelopingExplorationasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingINTP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanextravertedfunctionasanIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonAccuracy,sodisciplineandafocusontherichrewardsExplorationbringswillbekey.

PatternRecognitionExploration, as an intuitive process, uses advanced pattern recognition to seeconnections other people miss. It wants to know what’s going on behind thecurtain,whatitcan’tdirectlyaccess.Asitgetsmoresophisticated,Exploration’spredictivepowers improve,and theExplorationusereventuallybecomesadeptatnotonlyseeingwhatothersmiss,butimaginingwhatcouldexist.Whiteboardsessions,ormeetingswhereideasaresharedandbuiltuponwithothercreativeminds, are contexts where this ability truly shines. Feeding off the energy ofother people’s suggestions, Exploration will come up with truly novel anduniqueideasthattransformthemundaneintotheextraordinary.

Remember, this ability is a skill thatmust be honed. It’s easy to assume thatone’sabilitytorecognizepatternsisinfallible,andwithoutproperdevelopment,this can become a justification for declaring that one is right without furtherexplanation.

But pattern recognition gets better over time only if the Exploration user letsthemselves experience theworld at large.Reading and researching are part ofthe process, but they are not a complete expression of Exploration. It is anextravertedfunction.Theorieshavetobeactedupontogetreal-worldfeedback,andifthetheorywaswrong,ithastoberevised.

Explorationbenefitsfromtestinganditerating.WhentheExplorationuserfindsthat they are wrong, they view it as an opportunity for expanding theirunderstanding,learningevengreaterpossibilities,andtransformingthisamazingtalentintorealopportunities.Insteadofgettingdefensivewhentheylearntheiroriginalideawaswrong,theINTPcansayamental“thanks!”totheuniverseforgivingthemthegiftofcalibration.

ExerciseGet good at pattern recognition by making quick predictions about how amysterymoviewillend.Mysterymoviesfollowalimitedsetofplottwists.UseyourExplorationprocesstonotonlypredictanindividualmovie’sending,buttoidentifythetypesofplottwistsmoviescriptsuse.

ReflectionNamethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobeaccurate:

Namethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobewrong:

ThenexttimeI’mwrong,I’mgoingtolearntoenjoytheprocessby:

Excitement,Fuel,andOptimismTheExplorationfunctionburnsalotoffuel,soitmustalsogeneratealotfuel.According toDarioNardi, author ofNeuroscience of Personality, ExtravertedIntuitionis thecognitivefunctionthat takes the longest toget intoaflowstatebut,oncethere,it’sthemostdifficulttoslowdown.

INTPs are wired to have energy to burn when they tap into the Explorationfunction.Theyrideon the feelingofoptimismandbeing fullyengaged.Thereare so many things the world has to offer, so many possibilities forimprovement.Thesheerbrightnessofitallcanbecontagious.

There can be challenges, of course. Possibility thinking can be seen asthreateningtosomepeople,andthosewhouseExplorationmayfeeltheyhavetofight to represent it.Fortunately,Exploration is unfazedbynegative feedback.Itsjobisn’ttoacceptdefeatbuttoseeallthedifferentwaystomakesomethinghappen.

The greatest gift INTPs can give themselves is permission to continue usingExplorationinthefaceofopposition.PartofExploration’sgeniusisfindingnewways to present itself. If one style doesn’twork, itwillmodify its strategy tobecomewhatthesituationneedsittobe.ThisiswhyExplorationusersareoftenhighlycharismatic.

ExercisePractice starting your daywith active Exploration. Thatmeans actually doingsomething in the outer world, not just reading something new online. Anexamplecouldbegettinglostonthewaytoorfromworkeachday.Gotoworkfor21daysstraightwithouttakingthesameroutetwice.Thiswillforceyoutofindcreativesolutionsandobserveconnectionsyoudidn’tfocusoninthepast.

ReflectionNamethemostexcitingthinginyourliferightnow:

Namesomethingthatalwaysgivesyoujoy, justbythinkingaboutit.Howcanyou include this in your life every single day?Be creativewith how you canintroducethisactivitydaily:

LeavingComfortZones

Exploration loves novelty and blazing new trails. It faces six-foot-tall grassholding a machete, screaming, “tigers be damned!” Getting fully into thisfunction means being willing to leave comfort zones, physically,psychologically,andemotionally.

ThiscanbetrulydifficultforINTPs.AsnaturalIntroverts,muchabouttheouterworldcanseemthreatening.Butitcanalsobedifficult toexploreinnerterrainthatseemsthreatening.Eachpersonhastheirownbeliefsandideasinsidethemthattheygetattachedtoandmaybeunwillingtoreevaluate.Therearealsopartsofeveryone’segosthatdon’twanttobequestioned,eventhoughtheymustbe.This requires INTPs to work hard to get around all of those tricky defensivestrategiesthey’veformed,bothconsciouslyandunconsciously.

Conveniently,ascomfortzonesareexpanded,anxietyandfearoftheunknownturnintotheexcitementofwhatcouldbe.Allgrowthhappensoutsideofcomfortzones,andthefeelingofgrowingcanbecomeahealthyaddiction.INTPsknowthey’vefullydevelopedthisfunctionwhengrowthbecomesthenewnormal.

ExercisePractice getting out of your comfort zone by seeking out new situations youwouldnotnormallypursue. If there’saquestionofdoingsomething that feelsright to you, but may include some hassle or an “unsafe” element, practicetaking the risk insteadofplaying it safe. It’scommonforpeopleofyour type,oncetheygetpastthescarypartofanewexperience,tosay“Wasthatit?”Mostofyourgrowthhappensbybeingadventurous and lettinggoof thebelief thatyoumustlivethewayotherswantyoutolive.

ReflectionToday,Iwillgetoutsideofmycomfortzoneby:

Iwillmakethisadailypracticeby:

CopilotGrowthExplorationisoneofthehighestleveragepointsforgrowthinyourpersonality.It allows an INTP to test theories and beliefs in real-life situations. Are theycongruent?Dotheyplayout,ordotheyonlyholdupintheory?Isthereapieceof awareness you’re missing? Here are some ways that an INTP can phrasequestionsusingtheirExplorationprocess:

• What’sacreativesolutiontothisproblem?

• WhatamIseeingthatnooneelseseemstobeaddressing?

• Where’sthemostexoticplaceIcouldtravel?

AsanINTP,yourExplorationprocesscanhelpyoureconcilewhat’struetoyouand what’s true for the outside world. As you increase your understanding,insteadofbeingseenbyothersasimplacableandunabletoacceptbeingwrong,youwillbecomeasourceofwisdomandcreativethought.

Tobecomeathoughtleader,you’llneedtogetoutsideyourselfandexperiencetheworldforwhatit is,notwhatyouwishitwas.Onlythencanyoudiscoverwhat beliefs and paradigm shifts are leverage points for society. You maydiscoveraradicallynewwayofexperiencinganewpointofview,leadingtoanawesomenewinnovation.

ExplorationremindstheINTPoftheirnaturalthirstforlife.Comfortwillnevernourish the inner adventurer, the one that thirsts to make a difference in theworld.Insteadofburyingthefeelingofawastedlife,ExplorationwillhelptheINTPfocusonthatvoiceandansweritwithaninsistencethatthislifewillnotbesquandered.ItwillhelptheINTPsuckthemarrowoutoflife.

You can experiment with the world around you and learn to hone yourExplorationby:

• Exploringanewpartoftown,withnoagenda

• Tryinganewfoodeachtimeyougoout

• Flirtingorbanteringwithsomeone,withoutthinkingaboutwhatyou’llsay

• Joininganimprovclass

AsanINTP,youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyouget outside your comfort zone and explore every aspect of life. DevelopingExplorationmakesyouinspirational.

ReflectionThetalentsExplorationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseExplorationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopExplorationmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourExplorationprocesstoday:

TheINTP10-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)Memoryisdesignedtoseekreliability.Asaperceivingfunction,itinstinctivelyasks, how can I know this to be true?Have I seen this before?Have expertsspoken on this? What has already been established? A desire for reliabilityencourages Memory to seek the safety in all things, whether tangible orintangible.

The INTP can use the Memory function as a connection point to the past,remindingthemofhowthepresentworldcametobe.MemorygivestheINTPasenseofcontinuity,counteringtheiridealismaroundtimelines.Memorycanalsoaugmentcreativesolutionsbyknowingwhathasalreadybeensuggested,whathas and hasn’t worked, and what is well-covered territory. It helps developroutines,andcansolidifyanINTP’ssenseofduty.However,asa10-Year-Old

function,Memorycanthrottlecreativethinkingandopportunityspotting.

As an introverted function, Memory allows the INTP to access a perceivingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownmind.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheINTP gets used to relying on Memory to support their judgments, they canrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirCopilot,Exploration.Andthat’swhenthe trouble starts. For INTPs, this usuallymanifests by staying in a physical,emotional,orintellectualcomfortzone.

Memoryis,inalargepart,aboutseekingreliability.Itcravesthesafebet.PeoplewhohaveMemoryasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodat it,andtheyusethisfunction to maintain precedent, stabilize systems, and continue traditions thatwork.But you’re an INTP,meaningyou’re at your bestwhen looking for thepossibilitiesandwhatcouldbe,notwhendwellingonthepastorpresent.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheCopilotofExploration, it’s going to see the world like a child would. Children aren’tthinking in terms of carrying on time-honored traditions and maintainingprecedent.When in themidstof seeking reliability, they’reusually scaredandlookingforwhateverisfamiliartokeepthemsafe.

Memorycanmanifestasa10-Year-Oldbyclaimingexpertiseonatopicwithoutfully testing the information. “I read somewhere that….” can be turned into astatement of authority, even when there are more possibilities (even esotericones)tobediscovered.Howeveritshowsup,themotiveistoprotectAccuracy’sconclusionsand,ultimately,theINTP’scompetency.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an INTP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheExplorationprocess.

Short-termloop.Thismayonlylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.BeingprovenwrongcanfeeltrulyawfulforanINTP,asiftheircompetencyhasbeencalledintoquestion.ManyINTPscanevensensewhenthisisapproaching,andwill instinctively shut off their ability to take in new information. They may

beginbyarguingtheirposition,butiftheysensethattheotherpersonhasbetterpoints,theymayretreatinsidetheirmindsorphysicallyleavethesituation.

Alternatively, some INTPs take over the conversation, becoming a know-it-allanddrowningoutthenewinformation.Eitherway,thenormalinputandoutputofconversationisinterrupted.

Long-term loop.When stuck in this loop, the INTP sticks to comfort zones.They are reluctant to leave the house, preferring to stay home to play videogames, do endless research on a new topic, rewatch favorite movies, andgenerally surround themselves with well-worn creature comforts. They mayleave the house to go towork, go to the store, run necessary errands, or visitfamily and long-term friends. But new friends are never made, and newexperiences are only had when they’re forced. The INTP finds themselvesrepeatingthesamesortofdayoverandover,ignoringthesensetheyarewastingtheirlife.

Habitual loop. This is possibly the most challenging loop to overcome. TheINTPchecksoutoflife,unquestionablybelievingthatalloflifeispain,andtheymustdowhatever theyhavetodotosurviveuntil therideisover.Theymighthaveajob,butonetheyhateandputnoeffortintoimproving.Orthey’rejoblessandliveoffofthekindnessofotherpeople,sleepingoncoucheswithoutmuchattempt toexchangevalue.Theyseenobeauty left in life.Theyonlyoffer thebareminimum,whichmeansavoidinghumanconnectionevenwhenit’scraved.TheINTPisn’twillingtotakeanychances,isn’twillingtobebrave.Thestoryisthat they’ve already tried and failed, been rejected and experienced toomuchpain.Theirentirelifereflectsthisloop.

ReflectionThewaysAccuracyandMemorycanloopinanINTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseMemoryIfyoufindyourselfshuttingyourselfofffromouter-worldfeedback,becomingpassive, or hiding away from the world, this is a bad use of the Memoryfunction.TapintotheExplorationfunctionandaskyourself,“WhowouldIbeifIbecamethebestversionofmyself?”And,maybealittleeasier,“WhatmischiefcanIgetintotoday?”

Thatsaid,ifyou’vebeentakinglifebythehornsandexploringyourheartout,andyourgutistellingyouthatyoumayneedtodiginsomerootsorreestablishyourconnectionwithwhoyouare,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoMemory.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintostagnating.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypecanabsorbanimpressiveamountofinformation.WhenanINTP is at theirbest, theyuseMemory tokindlea senseof responsibilityandduty, implementing routines in their life.Many INTPsenjoyplunging into thehistory of their favorite topics, understanding their full etymology. There’snothing wrong with playing video games, rereading favorite books, orrewatching favoritemovies.Use these activities as relaxation, not as awayoflife.Andshareyourfavoriteswithfriends,relivingtheexperiencetomakeitfeellikethefirsttime.

TheINTP3-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)Harmony is designed to connect with other people, get needs met, and

understandinterpersonaldynamics.Thepreferredfunctionofbothnurturersandculturecreators,Harmonyusersspendalifetimeaskinghowtomeettheneedsofthecollectiveandkeepeveryone’smoraleup.Datacanbeimportant,butnotattheexpenseofcausingconflictandhurtingpeople.

Asa3-Year-Oldprocess,Harmony is thepartof the INTP thatwhispers fromthe shadows. Normally quite capable of ignoring societal expectations andpeople’s feelings, suddenly an INTP will feel the need to connect with otherpeople, emotionally express themselves, and receive positive feedback—especiallyrespect—fromothers.

There are three ways an INTP experiences the grip, the moments when theDriver process is stressed out andneeds a break, and the 3-Year-Old functiontakesoverthewheelofthecar.ThisismostlikelywhentheINTPgetsrejectedorreceivesharshcriticismforsharingtheirthoughts.

Short-term grip. This is generally manifested as an explosion of emotion.Usually unfamiliar with emotional expression, the INTP will experience atemper tantrum, often lashing out with blame at others. Without the skilldeveloped to reign the emotion in, usually it has to be fully expressed andworkedthroughbeforetheINTPcalmsdownenoughtoreflect.

Long-termgrip.WhileHarmonyispluggedintosocialdynamics, its3-Year-Oldformfocusesononeofthemostself-centeredelements:personalstatus.TheINTPmaygetintothehabitofbragging,constantlyshowcasingtheirbrillianceandperpetuallybringing the conversationbackaround to them.Unable to restintotheirownself-esteem,theINTPwillusethechildlikeversionofHarmonytoimploreotherstogivethemapproval.

Habitual grip. This shows up as codependent or otherwise unhealthyrelationships.ConnectionisdifficultforINTPstocreate,whichiswhytheytendtobeloyaltothepeopletheylove.Butinthisversionofthegrip,theyfearthattheycannotreplicateconnection.TheINTPmaythinkthatnooneelsewilleverlovethem,sostayinanunhealthyrelationshipforfartoolong.Theymayshowupeitherasthevictimorastheperpetratorofabuse,orasboth.Effortstowardgettinghealthywillbeseenasthreats:Anychangetotherelationship,includinganimprovement,maydestroyit.

HowtoBestUseHarmony

ThebestwaytouseHarmonyasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,connectwithafriendorfamilymember through physical touch (hugging) or through shared emotionalexperience.Watch something funny together. If you can’t be in each other’spresence,give themacall and let themknowyoumissed themandwanted toreconnect.Remindyourselfthattherearepeoplewholoveyouasyouare.

Remember,Harmonyisanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveandengagewithotherpeople.Thirtyminutesshouldbelongenough,butfeelfreetotake as long as needed to de-stress. If you’re still not feeling settled, invitesomeonetogotothemovies,orplayaboardorvideogametogether.Ifyou’reinaromanticrelationship,cuddlesareyourbestfriend.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromhavingtorationalizeeverything.Makesure you’re getting as far out of your head and as far into connections aspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalatfirst,butithasahugepayoff.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughof abreak,youcanusually comeback to the situationwith awholenewoutlook.

Using Harmony in this way can also provide a source of aspiration. It canencourage INTPs to be contributors and thought leaders. People of your typehave literally changedhowwe see reality, andwhenan INTPunderstands thepowerwithin,theycanbethecalibratorofentiresocieties.

ReflectionThewaysHarmonycangripanINTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeingintheGripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyHarmony3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER15

INFPPersonalityType

There may be no type that understands Carl Rogers’ quote, “What is mostpersonalismostuniversal,”morethantheINFP.

Fromayoungage,INFPsarewiredtobedeeplyin touchwith theiremotions,constantlyscanningandobservingtheirresponsestosituations.Theyrecognizethat everyone is the hero of their own story, and they can get into flow bylistening to the experiences of other people, understanding more aboutthemselvesintheprocess.

Everything is subjective for INFPs.Becausemost systems strip awaypersonalfeelingsandsubjectiveexpressiontofavoraccomplishment,itbecomesdifficultforINFPstocreateeffective,productivesystemsintheirlives.INFPsoftenfindthemselves dreaming big without taking the practical steps to make them areality.

INFPscravedeepvalidationoftheirauthenticemotions.Theyoftenfeelunableto fully express their nuanced feelings in the outside world. This can lead tofeelingsoflonelinessordistancefromthosetheydesperatelywanttocommunewith.

WhenanINFPcanclarifywhat theytrulyvalue, theycanfocusontheirgoalsandbecomemotivated.Theycanthenbecomeanunstoppableforceintheworld.

TheINFPDriverIsAuthenticity(Fi)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every INFP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingAuthenticityasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingINFP. Itwill giveyoucorevalues andethics, inner alignment andconviction,andsympathy,art,andemotionalaikido.

CoreValuesandEthics

Being aware of one’s emotional responses at all times creates an ethicalcomplication. A person may feel one way in one situation but completelydifferentinaseeminglyidenticalsituation.Theymustlearntojudgethecontextof their reactions: Are their responses fully subjective, or are they based oncertainprinciplesthatcanbeusedtoguidefuturebehaviors?

What is a truly ethical action?When one feels the full emotional force of all

behaviors, they ask this question frequently to create a personal list ofwhat’sethicalandwhatisn’t.Sincethemajorityofbehaviorsfallonaspectrum,INFPsareprettylaidbackaboutmostactionspeopletake.Apersonmaybeinsensitiveor obtuse, but unless they offend one of the INFP’s core values or trueprinciples,thebehaviorislikelytobeforgottenorevengounnoticed.

Once a core value has been upset, however, the Authenticity process willimmediately register the offending action as unacceptable, and the INFP willhavetofigureouthowtodealwiththeoffense.Atthispoint,theymaybecomeuncharacteristicallyimpassioned,outraged,andaggressive.

Thisiswhyitisincrediblyimportanttoknowone’scorevaluesandrevisethemfrequently. It’s important for an Authenticity user to not simply default towhatever feelsgood in themoment,orget locked intovalues formedata lesssophisticatedage.Whenone’scorevaluesaresetinyouthandnotreviewed,aperson can show up as self-absorbed, indulgent, and fixated on their ownexperience.AtrulyhealthyAuthenticityfunctionwilldraftasetofvalues thatarebothmeaningfulandadaptable.Justlikepeoplechangeandgrow,one’scorevaluesshouldchangeandgrowwiththem.AsanINFPgetstoknowthemselvesbetter over time, their core values will be a natural emergent of greater self-knowledge.

ExerciseCorevaluesareguidingprinciples.Inallsituations,corevaluesdeterminerightorwrongandletyouknowifyou’reontherightpath.Takeasheetofpaperandwritedownallbehaviorsyoubelieveareeitherrightorwrong,regardlessofthesituation. Give yourself plenty of time to do this exercise: hours, days, evenweeks.Feel free to revisit this listona regularbasisandrefine itasyou learnmoreaboutyourself.

ReflectionMytopfivecorevaluesare…because…:

FivecorevaluesthatIhavereevaluatedandadaptedovertheyearsare:

InnerAlignmentandConviction

Everyone has experienced inner conflict, but the Authenticity Driver functionknowsthatbeingof twominds is just the tipof the iceberg.Focusedonbeingtruetothemselves,INFPsknowthereisn’tjustoneself;rather,there’salegionofvoices inside,allvyingforattention. It’sdifficult toknowwhat todowhenlisteningintentlytoallthosevoices,eachwiththeirownagenda.

ThetaskofAuthenticityistolistencloselytowhateachpartoftheindividualissayingandprioritizebasedonwhat’strue,what’sright,andwhatwillgetneedsordesiresmet.

IftheburdenofAuthenticityistolistentoone’sinnercouncil,theresponsibilityofAuthenticityistoleadthosevoicesintoalignment.Or,iftheycan’tbeinfullchorus,Authenticitymust determinewhich parts should have the stage at anygiventime.

Theeasiestdecisionsareonesthatpresentnoinnerconflict,whichcouldbesaidto align with convictions. The moments when all inner voices are in fullagreement are beautifulmoments and produce suchmomentum that the INFPcanfeelunstoppable.It’sdifficultforAuthenticityuserstofeelmotivatedwhen

they feel uncertain, but once certainty is on the table, the INFP becomes anunstoppableforcecapableofextraordinaryfeats.

Managing the inner council of voices and ideas is a skill that must be built,similar tomanaging groups of people. It’s imperative for an INFP to learn toprioritizetheirneedsanddesiresbasedoncorevaluesandacodeofethics,notsimplywhatfeelsgoodinthemoment.

It’simportantforINFPstodevelopahealthyrelationshipwithconviction.WhenAuthenticity isyoung, it focusesonthegoodfeelingsofbeingright. Infact, itcan get addicted to the feeling of righteousness. This addiction leads to asynthetic conviction, where the INFP will choose only the voice that wantsdesperatelytoberightwhileshuttingoutbothinternalandexternaldissent.Thisbehaviorisinvariablyfollowedbywrackingself-doubt.

Self-confidencecomesfromseekingoutdissentingvoicesandsittingwiththem,asking difficult questions, and considering what the answers mean for theINFP’s identity. If some of those voices are unhealthy and have ill intent, itbecomestheINFP’sresponsibilitytohealthatpartofthemselves,orevenallowthetoxicpartsofthemselvestodie.It’sapainfulprocessthatcanfeellikeliteraldeath to Authenticity users, but it is a crucial aspect of self-management andself-leadership.

ExerciseThinkofadecisionyou’vebeenruminatingon,maybeevenputtingoff.Listenforany internalconflict. Imagineyourself inacouncil roomwhereeachvoicecomesupwithacompellingargument.Allowthemplentyoftimetogetthroughtheirconcerns,considerations,andvalidpoints.Aftereachvoicehasstatedtheircase,pulloutyourlistofcorevalues.Askyourselfwhichargumentsaremostinalignmentwithyourcorevalues,andwhysomeofthevoicesmaybecountertoyour values. If this is a values-based decision, why are some of the voicesrepresentingasolutionthatrunscountertoyourvalues?Aretheselessmatureorunhealedpartsofyourself?Whatwouldpersuade them to stayconsistentwithyour values? Alternatively, is it a decision that isn’t values based? Is moreinformationneededandarethevoicesstumped?Doyouneedtolearnmoreandrevisitthecouncillater?

ReflectionWhatpartsofyourselfhaveyoubeenavoiding listening to? Is itbecause theyaren’t saying things of value, or because what they have to say representschangesforwhichyoumaynotfeelready?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepartsby:

Sympathy,Art,andEmotionalAikidoSo much of the human experience is impossible to express using verballanguage.Despitethat,allofushaveaneedtounderstandeachotherandtobeunderstood. When Authenticity is in its infancy, a person can be quite self-absorbed.Without sharpening the function, an INFPwill stay fixated on theirownexperience,unabletosurfacelongenoughtofeelsympathywithothers.

Over time and with development, Authenticity users recognize that otherpeople’s experiences are incredibly real to them, and so they offer theircompassion and sympathy. People with Authenticity Drivers know that tounderstand a person’s inner workings is to demonstrate their emotions andmotivationsbacktothem,showingthatallpeoplesharethesethingsincommonand can also experience them on a deeply personal level. Themost powerfulmediumthroughwhichhumansaccomplishthistaskisartandself-expression.

Throughouthistory,Authenticityusershavefoundthemselvesunabletoconvey

their own subjective emotional experience in conversation, which has driventhem to become artists. They have become great at replicating an aspect ofhumanity in a single, time-bound piece of art: painting, song, poem, statue,choreographeddance,performance,oreventheirlifestyle.Thefoundationofartis the expression of universal human experiences, honoring that it will bepersonalizedbythereceiver.

Authenticity uses art to perform emotional aikido (page 53), transforming oneperson’senergyintoasharedexperience.It’sdifficulttodenythepoignancyofasharedexperience,or to judge itharshly.Authenticityencouragesonlookers toseethemselvesandtheworldwithsympathy.

ExerciseCommunicate an emotion to a friendwithoutusingwords.Youmayusehandgestures, facial expressions, drawings, noises, and sounds. Ask your friend iftheyunderstoodtheemotionyouweretryingtoshare,andif theywereabletoreplicatetheemotionwithinthemselvesbylinkingittotheirownexperience.

ReflectionHow can I use my chosen art form to help me better understand others andmyself?

Ifyoudonotcurrentlyhaveanartform,whatisstyleofartyou’vealwaysbeenattracted to?What is the lowest barrier of entry to begin engaging in this artform?

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofAuthenticity is logisticaloverloadandaone-size-fits-allsystem.Authenticityusersneedtohonortheirownindividualityandtailorsituationstowhatfeelsright;toomuchconformitywillcrushtheirspirits.Theyalsorequirefreedom from toomany demands or items on a to-do list, which smother themoregentlebut importantvoices inside.Thekey is tokeep lifesimple. INFPsshouldfindcareersandopportunitieswhosecorevaluesandconstituentsmatchtheircorevalues.

INFPsshouldalsoactivelypursueself-expression.Ifyouareanartist,makesureyou set aside plenty of time to engage in your art of choice. If you don’t seeyourselfasanartist,isthereaformofartyou’vealwaysbeeninterestedinbuthaven’tgivenyourselfpermissiontotry?Evenifyou’veneverbeenattractedtoart,identifyyourfavoritewayofexpressingyourself.Itcouldbeconversationswith intimate friends, an audio diary, or a standardwritten journal. Exploringyourinnerterrainiscrucial,andifyoudon’tgetenoughtimetodoit,youwillbecomedysthymicandeventuallydepressed.

ReflectionThetalentsAuthenticitycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAuthenticityare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAuthenticitymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheINFPCopilotIsExploration(Ne)Without an extraverted perceiving process, the INFP is not complete.Withoutaccess to feedback from the world and noticing how other people experiencereality, the INFP’s convictions and beliefs will be insular and self-serving.Broadening their territory to include people of many walks of life, receivingdissentingviews,andallowingthemselvestofailencouragetheINFPtoloosentheirattachmenttoidentitywhilepursuingabetterversionofthemselves.

An extraverted perceiving process also empowers the INFP to learn differentformsofcommunicationandpersuasion.Theycan,overtime,becomepowerfulchangeagents,asopposedtosilencedidealistswhohopetheworldwillchangeforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery INFPwillhave thesameskill leveloruse it inahealthyway.DevelopingExplorationasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingINFP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanextravertedfunctionasanIntrovert.It

won’tbeasnaturalasworkingonAuthenticity,sodisciplineandafocusontherichrewardsExplorationbringswillbekey.

PatternRecognitionExploration, as an intuitive process, uses advanced pattern recognition to seeconnections other people miss. It wants to know what’s going on behind thecurtain,whatitcan’tdirectlyaccess.Asitgetsmoresophisticated,Exploration’spredictivepowers improve,and theExplorationusereventuallybecomesadeptatnotonlyseeingwhatothersmiss,butimaginingwhatcouldexist.Whiteboardsessions,ormeetingswhereideasaresharedandbuiltuponwithothercreativeminds, are contexts where this ability truly shines. Feeding off the energy ofother people’s suggestions, Exploration will come up with truly novel anduniqueideasthattransformthemundaneintotheextraordinary.

Remember, this ability is a skill thatmust be honed. It’s easy to assume thatone’sabilitytorecognizepatternsisinfallible,andwithoutproperdevelopment,this can become a justification for declaring one is right without furtherexplanation.

But pattern recognition gets better over time only if the Exploration user letsthemselves experience theworld at large.Reading and researching are part ofthe process, but they are not a complete expression of Exploration. It is anextravertedfunction.Theorieshavetobeactedupontogetreal-worldfeedback,andifthetheorywaswrong,ithastoberevised.

Explorationbenefitsfromtestinganditerating.WhentheExplorationuserfindsthat they are wrong, they view it as an opportunity for expanding theirunderstanding,learningevengreaterpossibilities,andtransformingthisamazingtalentintorealopportunities.Insteadofgettingdefensivewhentheylearntheiroriginalideawaswrong,theINFPcansayamental“thanks!”totheuniverseforgivingthemthegiftofcalibration.

ExerciseGet good at pattern recognition by making quick predictions about how a

mysterymoviewillend.Mysterymoviesfollowalimitedsetofplottwists.UseyourExplorationprocesstonotonlypredictanindividualmovie’sending,buttoidentifythetypesofplottwistsmoviescriptsuse.

ReflectionNamethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobeaccurate:

Namethreetimesyourpatternrecognitionwasconfirmedtobewrong:

ThenexttimeI’mwrong,I’mgoingtolearntoenjoytheprocessby:

Excitement,Fuel,andOptimismTheExplorationfunctionburnsalotoffuel,soitmustalsogeneratealotfuel.According toDarioNardi, author ofNeuroscience of Personality, ExtravertedIntuitionis thecognitivefunctionthat takes the longest toget intoaflowstatebut,oncethere,it’sthemostdifficulttoslowdown.

INFPs are wired to have energy to burn when they tap into the Explorationfunction.Theyrideon the feelingofoptimismandbeing fullyengaged.Thereare so many things the world has to offer, so many possibilities for

improvement.Thesheerbrightnessofitallcanbecontagious.

There can be challenges, of course. Possibility thinking can be seen asthreateningtosomepeople,andthosewhouseExplorationmayfeeltheyhavetofight to represent it.Fortunately,Exploration is unfazedbynegative feedback.Itsjobisn’ttoacceptdefeatbuttoseeallthedifferentwaystomakesomethinghappen.

The greatest gift INFPs can give themselves is permission to continue usingExplorationinthefaceofopposition.PartofExploration’sgeniusisfindingnewways to present itself. If one style doesn’twork, itwillmodify its strategy tobecomewhatthesituationneedsittobe.ThisiswhyExplorationusersareoftenhighlycharismatic.

ExercisePractice starting your daywith active Exploration. Thatmeans actually doingsomething in the outer world, not just reading something new online. Anexamplecouldbegettinglostonthewaytoorfromworkeachday.Gotoworkfor21daysstraightwithouttakingthesameroutetwice.Thiswillforceyoutofindcreativesolutionsandobserveconnectionsyoudidn’tfocusoninthepast.

ReflectionNamethemostexcitingthinginyourliferightnow:

Namesomethingthatalwaysgivesyoujoy, justbythinkingaboutit.Howcanyou include this in your life every single day?Be creativewith how you canintroducethisactivitydaily:

LeavingComfortZones

Exploration loves novelty and blazing new trails. It faces six-foot-tall grassholding a machete, screaming, “tigers be damned!” Getting fully into thisfunction means being willing to leave comfort zones, physically,psychologically,andemotionally.

ThiscanbetrulydifficultforINFPs.AsnaturalIntroverts,muchabouttheouterworldcanseemthreatening.Butitcanalsobedifficult toexploreinnerterrainthatseemsthreatening.Eachpersonhastheirownbeliefsandideasinsidethemthattheygetattachedtoandmaybeunwillingtoreevaluate.Therearealsopartsofeveryone’segosthatdon’twanttobequestioned,eventhoughtheymustbe.This requires INFPs to work hard to get around all of those tricky defensivestrategiesthey’veformed,bothconsciouslyandunconsciously.

Conveniently,ascomfortzonesareexpanded,anxietyandfearoftheunknownturnintotheexcitementofwhatcouldbe.Allgrowthhappensoutsideofcomfortzones,andthefeelingofgrowingcanbecomeahealthyaddiction.INFPsknowthey’vefullydevelopedthisfunctionwhenuncertaintybecomesthenewcomfortzone.

ExercisePractice getting out of your comfort zone by seeking out new situations youwouldnotnormallypursue. If there’saquestionofdoingsomething that feelsright to you, but may include some hassle or an “unsafe” element, practicetaking the risk insteadofplaying it safe. It’scommonforpeopleofyour type,oncetheygetpastthescarypartofanewexperience,tosay“Wasthatit?”Mostofyourgrowthhappensbybeingadventurous and lettinggoof thebelief thatyoumustlivethewayotherswantyoutolive.

ReflectionToday,Iwillgetoutsideofmycomfortzoneby:

Iwillmakethisadailypracticeby:

CopilotGrowth

Explorationisoneofthehighestleveragepointsforgrowthinyourpersonality.ItallowsanINFPtotestconvictionsandcorevaluesinreal-lifesituations.Aretheyauthentic?Doyouhaveunrealistic expectations for theouterworld,or isthereapieceofawarenessyou’remissing?HerearesomewaysthatanINFPcanphrasequestionsusingtheirExplorationprocess:

• What’sacreativesolutiontothisproblem?

• WhatamIseeingthatnooneelseseemstobeaddressing?

• Where’sthemostexoticplaceIcouldtravel?

AsanINFP,yourExplorationprocesscanhelpyoureconcilewhatfeelsrighttoyouwithwhat feels right to others.Don’t ignore this advantage of increasingyour awareness of the outside world. As you increase your understanding,insteadofbeingseenbyothersashavingyourhead in theclouds,youwillbeseenasinspirational.

ExplorationremindstheINFPoftheirnaturalthirstforlife.Comfortwillnevernourish the inner adventurer, the one that thirsts to make a difference in theworld.Insteadofburyingthefeelingofawastedlife,ExplorationwillhelptheINFPfocusonthatvoiceandansweritwithapromisethatthislifewillnotbesquandered.ItwillhelptheINFPsuckthemarrowoutoflife.

Tostayfocusedondoingtherightthings,you’llneedtogetoutsideyourselfandexperiencetheworldforwhatitis,notwhatyouwishitwas.Onlythencanyoudiscoverwhatreallymatterstoyouonacorelevel.YoucanexperimentwiththeworldaroundyouandlearntohoneyourExplorationby:

• Exploringanewpartoftown,withnoagenda

• Tryinganewfoodeachtimeyougoout

• Flirtingorbanteringwithsomeone,withoutthinkingaboutwhatyou’llsay

• Joininganimprovclass

AsanINFP,youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyouget outside your comfort zone and explore every aspect of life. DevelopingExplorationmakesyouinspirational.

ReflectionThetalentsExplorationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseExplorationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopExplorationmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourExplorationprocesstoday:

TheINFP10-Year-OldIsMemory(Si)Memoryisdesignedtoseekreliability.Asaperceivingfunction,itinstinctivelyasks, how can I know this to be true?Have I seen this before?Have expertsspoken on this? What has already been established? A desire for reliabilityencourages Memory to seek the safety in all things, whether tangible orintangible.

The INFP can use the Memory function as a connection point to the past,remindingthemofhowthepresentworldcametobe.MemorygivestheINFPasenseofcontinuity,counteringtheiridealismaroundtimelines.Memorycanalsoaugmentcreativesolutionsbyknowingwhathasalreadybeensuggested,whathas and hasn’t worked, and what is well-covered territory. It helps developroutinesandgivesINFPsasenseofgroundedness:twopositivecharacteristicstohave when on a mission. However, as a 10-Year-Old function, Memory canthrottlecreativethinkingandopportunityspotting.

As an introverted function, Memory allows the INFP to access a perceivingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownmind.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheINFP gets used to relying on Memory to support their judgments, they canrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirCopilot,Exploration.Andthat’swhenthe trouble starts. For INFPs, this usually manifests by staying in a physical,emotional,orintellectualcomfortzone.

Memoryis,inalargepart,aboutseekingreliability.Itcravesthesafebet.PeoplewhohaveMemoryasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodat it,andtheyusethisfunction to maintain precedent, stabilize systems, and continue traditions thatwork.But you’re an INFP,meaning you’re at your bestwhen looking for thepossibilitiesandwhatcouldbe,notwhendwellingonthepastorpresent.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheCopilotofExploration, it’s going to see the world like a child would. Children aren’tthinking in terms of carrying on time-honored traditions and maintaining

precedent.When in themidstof seeking reliability, they’reusually scaredandlookingforwhateverisfamiliartokeepthemsafe.

Memorycanmanifestasa10-Year-Oldbyclaimingexpertiseofatopicwithoutfully testing the information. “I read somewhere that…” can be turned into astatement of authority, even when there are more possibilities (even esotericones)tobediscovered.

However it shows up, themotive is to protectAuthenticity’s conclusions and,ultimately,theINFP’sveryidentity.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an INFP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheExplorationprocess.

Short-termloop.Thismayonlylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.BeingprovenwrongcanfeeltrulyawfulforanINFP,asiftheircompetencyhasbeencalled into question.Many INFPs can even sense when it’s approaching, andwill instinctively shut off their ability to take in new information. They maybeginbyarguingtheirposition,butiftheysensethattheotherpersonhasbetterpoints, they may retreat inside their minds or physically leave the situation.Alternatively, some INFPs take over the conversation, becoming a know-it-allanddrowningoutthenewinformation.Eitherway,thenormalinputandoutputofconversationisinterrupted.

Long-term loop.When stuck in this loop, the INFP sticks to comfort zones.They are reluctant to leave the house, preferring to stay home to play videogames, do endless research on a new topic, rewatch favorite movies, andgenerally surround themselves with well-worn creature comforts. They mayleave the house to go towork, go to the store, run necessary errands, or visitfamily and long-term friends. But new friends are never made, and newexperiences are only had when they’re forced. The INFP finds themselvesrepeatingthesamesortofdayoverandover,ignoringthesensetheyarewastingtheirlife.

Habitual loop.Possibly themostchallenging loop toovercome, the INFPcandevelop a lifestyle of deference. INFPs often pride themselves on beinggenuinelynicepeople,butnicenesscanbecomealifelongdefensestrategy.Nicepeopleareneverchallenged;infact,whentheyarechallenged,othersoftenrushtotheirdefense.

Inthismostinsidioustypeofloop,theINFPwillnevershowtheirtruenaturetoanyonebut insteadkeep it buriedonly for themselves to see.While appearingsweetanddemure,theyareactuallyunwillingtohaveanyelementofthemselvesconfronted.Theyplayitsafeinallways,passivelyallowingtheworldtodictatetheirexperience.“Wheredoeseveryonewanttogofordinner?”Theydon’tcare;they’rejustalongfortheride.Thestrategyusesalmostchildlikebodylanguageandwaysofspeakingtoencourageotherstohandletheirchallengesforthem.

ReflectionThewaysAuthenticityandMemorycanloopinanINFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseMemory

Ifyoufindyourselfshuttingyourselfofffromouter-worldfeedback,becoming

passive, or hiding away from the world, this is a bad use of the Memoryfunction.TapintotheExplorationfunctionandaskyourself,“WhowouldIbeifIbecamethebestversionofmyself?”And,maybealittleeasier,“WhatmischiefcanIgetintotoday?”

Thatsaid,ifyou’vebeentakinglifebythehornsandexploringyourheartout,andyourgutistellingyouthatyoumayneedtodiginsomerootsorreestablishyourconnectionwithwhoyouare,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoMemory.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintostagnating.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypecanabsorbanimpressiveamountofinformation.WhenanINFP is at theirbest, theyuseMemory tokindle a senseof responsibility andduty, implementing routines in their life.Many INFPsenjoyplunging into thehistory of their favorite topics, understanding their full etymology. There’snothing wrong with playing video games, rereading favorite books, orrewatching favoritemovies.Use these activities as relaxation, not as awayoflife.Andshareyourfavoriteswithfriends,relivingtheexperiencetomakeitfeellikethefirsttime.

TheINFP3-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)Effectiveness is designed to measure results, accomplish goals, and makeprojects happen. The preferred function of many executives and politicians,Effectiveness spends a lifetime asking about return on investment (ROI) andlooking for ways to create autonomous systems. Personal feelings are aninterruptionthatmustbeaccountedfor,buteliminatedifatallpossible.

Asa3-Year-Oldprocess,EffectivenessisapartoftheINFPthatwhispersfromthe shadows. Normally quite capable of ignoring systems and to-do lists,suddenlyanINFPwillbefloodedbyambitiontogetthingsdone.

There are three ways an INFP experiences the grip, the moments when theDriver process is stressed out andneeds a break, and the 3-Year-Old functiontakesover thewheelof thecar.This ismost likelywhen the INFP’semotionsoverwhelmthemandtheyfeelliketheyneedtodosomethingrightaway.

Short-termgrip.ThishappenswhentheINFPisoverwhelmedbyemotionandtheconvictionthatsomethingisn’tright.Unsurehowtoexpressthisconvictionto others, the INFP will blow up, certain that there’s a wrong that must berighted.

They’ll express offense, indignation, and anger. This is when the INFP willbecome uncharacteristically aggressive, sometimes even violent in words oraction,surprisingthemselvesafterthey’vehitacool-downperiod.

Long-termgrip.Whenthere’sanaggingfeelingtheINFPistryingtogetawayfrom,theychoosedistractionasanoutlet.Itcanbeworkingallthetime,hyper-focusingonamajorproject,ortryingtomakesomethinghappen—especiallyifthatthingisn’thealthy.Forexample,anINFPinanunhappymarriagemayturnto an unrequited relationship as a “project.” The desire isn’t to cheat on theirspouse; the desire is to distract themselves with scheming and strategizing.Knowingtherelationshipwillremainunrequitedmakesitfeelsafe.Moreoften,thisgripshowsupasworkaholism.

Habitualgrip.AgrippedINFPmayusemanipulativebehavior.TheINFPwillexploittheiremotionalaikidotoseedstress,anxiety,orothernegativeemotionsin other people, hoping to force them to act on the INFP’s behalf. Unable toinspire others to stay motivated with healthy convictions, the INFP lacks theabilitytomeettheirownneedsandmustcontinuetomanipulateothers.

HowtoBestUseEffectivenessThe bestway to use Effectiveness as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,findasimplesetoftaskstoaccomplishthatyouwon’tregretlater.Someexamplesareclearingoutyour email inbox, cleaning out your car, or playing construction or strategyvideogames,suchasSimCityorCivilization.

Remember,Effectiveness isanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveand engaged in your environment. Thirtyminutes should be long enough, butfeel free to take as long as needed to de-stress. If you keep going back towhatever it is that’s stressing you out, throw yourself even more into youractivity.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromintrospection.Makesureyou’regettingasfaroutofyouremotionsandasfarintoataskaspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalat first,but ithasahugepayoff.Onceyourdriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingEffectiveness in thiswaycanalsoprovidea sourceofaspiration. It canencourage INFPs to accomplish big-game goals, sometimes even idealisticallybig.And that’s part of itsmagic:When you shoot for themoon, even if youmiss,you’llstilllandamongthestars.

ReflectionThewaysEffectivenesscangripanINFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyEffectiveness3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER16

ISTPPersonalityType

ISTPs are amazing at mastering and applying real-world skills. Whether it’smechanics,athletics,art,orperformance, theISTPhashigh levelsofprecisionand competency in their chosen field. They become masters at manipulatingtheirbodiesandtoolsfordesiredresults.

ISTPscanoftenshutdownfeedbackfromtheouterworldifitmakesthemfeelincompetent.Ifthiscontinuestodevelopintoachronichabit,theycandipintovariousdegreesofrebellionagainstthesocietythattheybelievepunishesthemforfocusingonprecisionoverothers’feelings.

When the ISTPmovesaway fromprotecting their identityand instead focuseson what’s happening in the moment, their self-esteem and self-relianceincreases. When calibrating to actual events and situations instead ofspeculations, ISTPs can feel andbecomeevenmore competent and can createthehealthyrelationshipstheysecretlycrave.

TheISTPDriverIsAccuracy(Ti)It’simportanttorememberthattheAccuracyprocessisatalent,andthatmeansnot every ISTP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingAccuracy as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingISTP.Accuracygives the ISTP the ability topruneout logical inconsistenciesandincongruities,aswellasintegrity,radicalhonesty,focus,andmastery.

PruneOutLogicalInconsistenciesandIncongruitiesPeoplewith a strongAccuracy process often have no problem slicing throughemotionally difficult circumstances in order to see the situation as presented.Accuracyusershavetheabilitytospotlogicalfallaciesandbiases.Thatsaid,it’sfareasiertoseeotherpeople’sbiasesthanourown.ThemoreanISTPdevelopsAccuracy,themorethefunctionwillenableanISTPtospottheirownbiasesanddissonance.

Accuracy is a subjective function. Thismeans theAccuracy user asks, “What

makessensetome?”Whenthefunctionisinitsinfancy,itcanrationalizenearlyanything.Overtime,astheprocessdevelopsandmatures,Accuracyusersbeginspotting incongruitiesnotonly inwhatothersaresaying,butalso in theirownthinking.Likeaprogrammerworkingthroughlinesofcode,anAccuracyuser’sfirstjobistocleanupcorruptscriptwithintheirownmind.

Thiscanbechallenging.Onceamental code isdiscovered tobe faulty, it canseemlikethemindisbeingrippedapartinanefforttodismantletheflawedidea.Thismaymanifestasanexistentialcrisis,andcanbeasemotionallyimpactfulasthedeathofalovedone.ButthemoreyoubuildtheskillofAccuracy,themoresurvivablethesurgicalremovaloffaultycodebecomes.Eventually,therewardsofcleanthinkingarefelt,andremovingcognitivedissonanceandbiasbecomespartofyouridentityasanISTP.

ReflectionWhatiftherewerenorightanswers,onlybetterquestions?Ifyouwereabletocraftyourownideasfromscratch,whatwouldtheybe?Doyoufearlosingyourcompetencyifyouloseyourthoughts?Canyouevertrulylosewhoyouare,orareyouconstantlychanging,anyway?

Atitsbest,Accuracylearnstosay,“Idon’tknow,”withoutbeingdisturbedbyuncertainty.Reflectonthefollowingquestions:

WhatthoughtorbeliefhaveInotbeenlookingattoocarefully?IfIlookedatitcritically,woulditsurviveanhonestanalysis?DoIfearlettingitgo?WhatelsewouldIhavetolookatcriticallyifIletthisonego?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthisbeliefby:

IntegrityandRadicalHonestyWell-developedAccuracy allows you to express truths nomatter how hurtfultheycanbe.Whiletruthcanhurt,itdoesn’thavetobeunkindorcruel.Infact,Accuracy users intend to be kindwhen speaking harsh truths, and are usuallyappreciativewhenothers do them the service of beinghonest.Accuracyuserswould much rather know the truth now than be deluded and taken off guardlater.

Young Accuracy users can feel like they’re always on the wrong side of theconversation. It’s not uncommon for ISTPs to get the feedback that they’realways saying thewrong thing or being offensive. Theworld has a push-pullrelationship with the idea of truth, and ISTPs can sometimes find themselvesgraspingathowtosaysomething.

As the Accuracy skill matures, however, ISTPs become less concerned withforcing truth on others and develop a skill in sharing truths in context. Forexample,theproverbialquestion,“DoIlookfatinthisdress?”mayappeartobea trap, but to a developedAccuracy user, this is a simple question to answer:Eithertheindividualisthinandnodresswillmakethemappearfat,ortheyarefatandnodresswillmakethemappearthin.If thepersonis, inreality,askingabouthowflatteringthedressis,thenyes,therearesomedressesthataremoreand less flattering to thebody.ThekeenAccuracyuserwould love toknowifthatistheactualquestion,andtheywouldlikelyaskforclarification.Becauseifitis,theywouldwonder,whydoesn’tthepersonjustaskitthatway?

While candor can be disconcerting at first, most people are relieved to hearpeople give unbiased thoughts. On this front, Accuracy is the watchman thatmakessurewedon’tdrifttoofarintocollectivedissonancejusttokeepupsocialpretenses.But it alsoensures that the ISTPdoesn’tdrift too far into theirownpretenses, and so it helps the ISTP develop a strong appreciation for integrityand duty. Doing the right thing is logically consistent, even when it’suncomfortableorunpleasant.Ofcourse,ifanISTPhasn’tfirstbeenhonestwiththemselves,thentheirviewscaninsteadbeantisocialopinions,whicharerarelywelcome.

ExerciseObserve howoften you lie to other people.According to a study done by theUniversityofMassachusettsatAmherst,60percentofpeopletellanaverageoftwotothreeliesinaten-minuteconversation.

Forexample,whenpeopleaskhowyou’redoing,doyouanswerhonestly?Doyoufeigninterestinconversationsthatareboringtoyou?Doyouhidethetruthtoavoidhurtfeelings?Whileyouwatchyourselflieinconversation,don’tjudgeor justify yourself by saying, “I have to lie in this situation because....” Justobserve.

Now that you’vewatched the differentways you tend to lie, turn this inward.Watch how often you lie to yourself. Keep a finger on the pulse of yourcognitivedissonance.

ReflectionHowcouldIbemorehonestwithothersandmyself?AmIwillingtospeakthetruthevenifit’shurtful?DoothersfindmecondescendingwhenIdothis?HowcanIlearntospeakcompletetruths?

FocusandMastery

Accuracy offers an amazing ability to focus, which is represented in a hugevariety of ways. It’s seen in the best athletes, philosophers, and mechanics.Whentheybreakdownideas,machines,orsystems,theyhavetokeeptrackofall themovingparts.It’snoteasytodo,anditrequiresthemtodevelopfocus.

Peoplewho useAccuracy keep track of data by creating frameworks.With aframework in place, they can zoom in and focus all of their attention on onething,therebymasteringit.

AbasketballplayerusingAccuracycanspendendlesshourspracticing3-pointshots, ever so slightly altering the angle of their wrist until they can shoot aperfect3-pointshoteachtime.Thissametalentstartswithnoticingincongruitiesof thoughts as a child. The same process takes places in themind and on thecourt:Whensomethingdoesn’tlineup,keepworkinguntilitlinesupperfectly.Philosophersand scientistsoftenuseAccuracywhenbreakingdown ideasandbeliefs.

It’s important todiscipline themind to focusonmasteringpractical skills,notsimply pleasurable activities. It’s easy to focus on things that are fun andengaging,butISTPsmakeatruedifferencewhentheycanusetheirskilltofocuson mundane or “boring” activities. Using focus and skill mastery to improveyourselfandfulfilldutiescreatesarewardinglife.

ExerciseWhenwefocusoureyes,wezeroinonasingleobjectandalloweverythingelsetobecomefuzzyaroundit.Thatobjectbecomesveryclearandsharp,andifwefocus long enough,we’ll begin to see the object in detail. All of the object’spartsbecomeobvious.

Dothiswithyourmind.Workonaproblemwhileallowingeverythingoutsidethe problem to become fuzzy. This could anything from trying to master amusicalrefraintoworkingoutacomplexmathematicalproblem.Asyouspendmore time focusing your attention, you will start to see its parts, such as thenotesintherefrainortheformulasofthemathproblem.

ReflectionHowcanIdisciplinemymindtobe5percentmorefocusedtoday?

SettingUptheRightConditions

The enemy of Accuracy is relationship overload. Accuracy users requireconcentrated,focusedtime.IfanISTPisresponsibleformeetingotherpeople’sneedsorisfrequentlyinterrupted,theywilllosefocusandmentalstamina.

AsyourISTPDriver,Accuracy isyourflowstate,and ifyou’renotusing thisprocessenough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofenergyandmaybecomedepressed.Setupyourdailyconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Forexample,ifyou find yourself getting overwhelmed with the demands of others or withdomestic responsibilities, find time in your day for just yourself and yourresearch.Learningcomplexsystems—whetherthey’reconceptualormechanical—may not be taxing for your mind, but they are demanding of your fullattention.

DevelopingyourDriverprocessmayseemunneeded,sinceit’snaturalforyoutoregularlyuseit.Butthere’sadifferencebetweenusingtheAccuracyprocessanddevelopingit.

WhenAccuracy isyoung, itover-relieson itsown logic. It canassumeothersaren’t as knowledgeable, smart, or thoughtful. Young Accuracy disregardsothers’experiencesandobservations,assumingthehumanexperienceiswithoutmeritunless ithasbeensupportedbyhardscienceordata.Blindtotheimpactthey have on others, ISTPs can appear harsh and callous when deliveringinformationtheythinkothersshouldalreadyknow.Ontheotherhand,Accuracyusers can zoom into a subject and can miss relevant pieces of information,assumingtheyalreadyhaveeverythingworkedout.

ISTPs must recognize that other people can be the source of knowledge andwisdom.Thereismuchtolearnfromanother’sexperience.AnISTPcanexpandtheirownreasonbylearningfromabroaderworld.

ReflectionThetalentsAccuracycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAccuracyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAccuracymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheISTPCopilotIsSensation(Se)

Without an extraverted perceiving process, the ISTP is not complete.Withoutgetting realistic feedback about how the world actually works, the ISTP’sconvictions and beliefs will be unrealistic and self-serving. Broadening theirobservationstoincludepeopleofmanywalksoflife,receivingdissentingviews,andallowing themselves to fail encourage ISTPs to loosen their attachment toidentitywhilepursuingabetterversionofthemselves.

An extraverted perceiving process also empowers the ISTP to become lessisolated by learning different forms of communication and persuasion. Overtime, they can become skilled agents of expression as opposed to silencedidealists,hopingtheworldwillchangeforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery ISTPwillhave the sameskill leveloruse it in ahealthyway.DevelopingSensationasahealthyprocess iscrucial tobecominganamazingISTP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanextravertedfunctionasanIntrovert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonAccuracy,sodisciplineandafocusontherichrewardsSensationbringswillbekey.

SimplifyProblemsandTakeActionHealthySensationusersdon’thaveaproblemwithoveranalyzing;instead,theyreduce situations down to their fundamentals and address themhead-on.Theytake action immediately, happy to have something on which to expend theirenergy.Inthisway,SensationCopilotshandleproblemsquicklywithoutlettingthem stack up.While there are complexities in life thatmust be addressed assuch,ISTPsknowthatmuchoflifeisamatterofsimplyshowingupandcarvingadirectpath.

When an ISTP fully develops the Sensation function, they are better able tomanagedailytasksandchallenges,asopposedtoavoidingthemorlettingthemspiraloutofcontrol.SensationcanalsohelpanISTPcommunicateartistically.Thoughtheyoftenstrugglewithverbalcommunication,movementcanbecomeapowerful formof expression, includingdance,performance,painting,music,and other platforms. Sensation helps the ISTP build confidence, though

hesitating to act slows down skill development and, ultimately, the power oftheirart.

ExerciseTurnyourcellphone’svoicemailoffforaweek,onlyallowingyourselftotakecallsas theycome.This letsyouremovea“to-do”itemfromyourlist(callingpeopleback)infavorofhandlingbusinessinthemoment.

ReflectionNamethreetasksyou’vebeenavoidingthatyoucouldtakecareofimmediately:

Name a skill (like playing a musical instrument) that you’ve been dreamingaboutstartingbuthavebeenputtingoff:

Makeacommitmenttoyourselftofinishthesetasksandthenbeginbuildingthatskillbythisdate:________________

Objectivity

Therearefewthingsasdisruptive toafantasyascold,hardreality.“Seeing isbelieving,”as it’soften said, and theSensationprocess is always scanning forfacts can be directly experienced. This creates pragmatism, as well as arelationshipwithwhat’sphysicallypossibleandwhatisnot.

The idea of imposed physical limitations reminds ISTPs that people have asharedobjectivereality,andthatthereisaplaceforimpersonalrules.TheISTPmustthinkcarefullyaboutwhichrulestoquestionandwhichrulestoadopt.The

morerealistictheybecome,themorepowerfultheirimpactwillbe,shouldtheytakeupacause.

ExerciseHow often do you ask that exceptions be made for you? Monthly?Weekly?Daily?Thinkabout the last timeyouaskedforarule tobebent inyourfavor.Spendtenminutesconsidering:

• Whytheruleexistedinthefirstplace.

• Whattheimplicationswereforotherpeopleinthesituation.

• Wasitokaytoaskfortheruletobebrokeninyourfavor?Why,orwhynot?

ReflectionNameyourmostimportantvalueorconviction.Howrealisticisit?Wouldyoumaintainit,evenifgivenevidencetocontradictit?

StayPresent

All people betray what’s going on inside of themselves with “tells,” uniqueactionsthatflagtheirinternalcondition.WhentheSensationfunctionispresentinthemoment,otherpeople’stellsareobvious.ThesetellsarecrucialforISTPs.Whentheycanobservetheimpactthey’rehavingonotherpeople,theISTPcancalibratewhetherornotthey’rebeingcongruentwiththeirownvalues.

It’seasytositonthesidelinesandjudgeotherpeopleforhypocrisy.It’smuchmoredifficulttostaycongruentwithdifficulttruthswheninthegame.Getting

real-timefeedbackislikeachecks-and-balancessystemthatensuresintegrity.Ifthelogicdoesn’taddup,itmaybetimetoreevaluateit.

StayingpresentinasituationalsobringsouttheISTP’splayfulside.IftheISTPbecomes anxious forwhat’s coming next, Sensation grounds them into realityand the joy of themoment. It’s important to remember the adage: “Don’t letyourfuturerobyouofyourtoday.”

ExerciseFindapartner.Haveaconversationwiththemwhereyougettotalkbuttheycanonlyusenonverbalcues.Findouthowfarintotheconversationyoucangetandstillbeaccurateaboutwhatthey’retryingtocommunicatetoyou.

ReflectionIamgoingtolivemoreinthepresentmomentby:

CopilotGrowth

Sensationisoneofthehighestleveragepointsforgrowthinyourpersonality.Itallowsyou to test your convictions and core values in real-life situations.Areyourvaluesauthentic?Doyouhaveunrealisticexpectationsfortheouterworld?Isthereapieceofawarenessyou’remissing?

Here are some ways that an ISTP can phrase questions to help grow theirSensationprocess:

• What’sthesituationtryingtotellme?

• HowcanIgetintoactionrightnow?

• What’sarealisticexpectation?

• HowcanImakeeachmomentmorefunandplayful?

Asan ISTP,yourSensationprocesscanhelpyou reconcilewhat’s true toyouand what’s true for the outside world. As you increase your understanding,insteadofbeingseenbyothersasself-serving,youwillbeseenasinspirational.

Tostayfocusedondoingtherightthings,you’llneedtogetoutsideyourselfandexperiencetheworldforwhatitis,notwhatyouwishitwas.Onlythencanyoudiscoverwhatreallymatterstoyouonacorelevel.

As an ISTP, your Sensation process can help you refinewhat’s right for you.Don’t ignorethisadvantageofincreasingyourawarenessoftheoutsideworld.Youcandothisbyaskingquestionsaboutwhatthingsare,andbygettingmoreinvolvedwithyourbodyandyour senses tohelpyou see lifepractically.YoucanlearntohoneyourSensationprocessby:

• Crossingthingsoffyourto-dolist.

• Pickingupthatnewskillyou’vebeenwantingtolearn.

• Tryinganewformofartisticexpression.

• Beingspontaneousandhavingfun!

• Joininganactingclass.

AsanISTPyouwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyougetoutside your comfort zone and engage in every aspect of life. DevelopingSensationmakesyouinspirational.

ReflectionThetalentsSensationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseSensationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopSensationmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourSensationprocesstoday:

TheISTP10-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)Perspectivesisdesignedtoseekmeaningandlooktowardthefuture.Itcanhelppeopleresonatewithotherviewpointsandnotovervaluetheirownexperiences.It future-paces, predicts outcomes, plays with abstraction, and pushes theboundariesofwhatcanbeknown.Itseeswhatcannotbeseen.

ISTPscanusethePerspectivesfunctionasawaytoseekmeaningintheirlives.Perspectivescangivetheminsightintohowotherpeoplearethinking,addinganextralayerofsympathyfortheplightsofothers.Perspectivescanalsohelpthemaccess a more esoteric interpretation of reality, from which comes an almostmagicalstyleofart.Ithelpsthemdreambigandsetapurpose-filledtrajectoryfor their life. However, Perspectives can also cause self-sabotaging mentalpatterns.

Asanintrovertedfunction,PerspectivesallowstheISTPtoaccessaperceivingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownmind.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheISTPgetsused to relyingonPerspectives tosupport their judgments, theycanrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirSensationCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForISTPs,thisusuallymanifestsasassumingtheyalreadyknowsomething,eveniftheyhaveaninsufficientamountofevidenceorinformation.

Perspectivesis,inalargepart,aboutseeingwhatcan’tbeseen.Itspeculatesandmakesleapsofintuition.PeoplewhohavePerspectivesasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontocreateavisionforthefuture.Butyou’reanISTPandarewiredtobeatyourbestwhenseeingrealityforwhatitis,notwhenmakingbaselessassumptions.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheSensationCopilot, it’sgoing tosee theworld likeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatpatternrecognition,andwithouthighself-confidence,speculatingonwhatotherpeoplearethinkingofthemorwhatthefutureholdscanproduceanxiety.

Perspectivescanmanifestasa10-Year-Oldbytakinginfartoolittleinformationyet still havinghubriswhendrawing conclusions.Agut feeling can substituteforactualexperience.Theremaybesuspicionofpeoplewhohavebetterinsight.However it shows up, the motive is to protect Accuracy’s conclusions and,ultimately,theISTP’sveryidentity.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ISTP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheSensationprocess.

Short-termloop.Thismayonlylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.BeingprovenwrongcanfeeltrulyawfulforanISTP,asiftheircompetencyhasbeencalledintoquestion.ManyISTPscanevensensewhenit’sapproaching,andwillinstinctivelyshutofftheirabilitytotakeinnewinformation.Perspectivesusersusuallyobserveinformationandthenformapatternfromwhatthey’velearned.ButwhenPerspectivesisuseddefensivelyinaloop,theISTPwillformapatternandthenshoehorninformationtomatchit.Theycanevenbelievethey’veseen

or experienced something they haven’t, forcing their senses to confirm theirintuition.

Long-termloop.Anxietyisthefearofwhathasn’tyethappened,andanISTPunwilling tofaceevensubtlefearswillbecomeincreasinglyanxiousuntil theycannot cope with their life or future. If the anxiety has attached to a person,groupofpeople,orentity,theISTPmaybecomeparanoid.Real,moremundanefears that could be addressed are replaced by talk of agendas and conspiracytheories,whichtheISTPbelievesarebeyondtheirabilitytoinfluence.

Habitualloop.Withouthavingawaytoobservetheirimpactintheworldorgetfeedbackon theirvalue,an ISTPwillgo togreat lengths toavoid thehorriblefeelingofbeingwithoutvalue.Perspectivesusers interpretmeaning,butwhentheISTPexploitsPerspectivesinaloop,theywillconstructasimplenarrativeorfantasywhen theyneedsomesortof relief. ISTPsmay tell themselves they’reiconoclasts,but in reality, theydonotquestion traditionor followanewpath.Theymaybecomeantisocial,feelingnoonecouldeverunderstandthem.Often,they’llcreateavillain,someoneorsomethingtopassalltheblameforlifeonto.The broken-down ISTP will not attempt to improve their situation. Instead,they’llshutdownasmuchfeedbackfromtheworldaspossible.Inthisway,theytakenopersonalresponsibilityandavoidfacingliferealistically.

ReflectionThewaysAccuracyandPerspectivescanloopinanISTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUsePerspectives

Ifyoufindyourselfshuttingyourselfofffromouter-worldfeedback,becomingparanoid, or shying away from responsibility, this is a bad use of thePerspectivesfunction.TapintotheSensationfunctionandaskyourself,“Lifeissoshort—doIwanttospenditfeelingnegativeemotions?”

That said, if you feel inspired to live a life of purpose,make plans to play abigger game in life, or have compassionate insights into other people’sexperiences,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoPerspectives.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingparanoid.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy outwitting other people in games, sharing thelatest technology, and learning psychology. You can also use this process tobecome better at reading and interpreting the body language of friends andfamilymemberstogetcluesaboutwhat’sgoingonwiththem.

TheISTP3-Year-OldIsHarmony(Fe)Harmony is designed to connect with other people, get needs met, andunderstandinterpersonaldynamics.Thepreferredfunctionofbothnurturersandculturecreators,Harmonyusersspendalifetimeaskinghowtomeettheneedsofthecollectiveandkeepeveryone’smoraleup.Datacanbeimportant,butnotattheexpenseofcausingconflictandhurtingpeople.

Asa3-Year-Oldprocess,HarmonyisthepartoftheISTPthatwhispersfromtheshadows.Normallyquitecapableofignoringsocietalexpectationsandpeople’sfeelings, suddenly an ISTP will feel the need to connect with other people,emotionally express themselves, and receive positive feedback—especially

respect—fromothers.

There are three ways an ISTP experiences the grip, the moments when theDriver process is stressed out andneeds a break, and the 3-Year-Old functiontakesoverthewheelofthecar.ThisismostlikelywhentheISTPgetsrejectedorreceivesharshcriticismforsharingtheirthoughts.

Short-term grip. This is generally manifested as an explosion of emotion.Usuallyunfamiliarwithemotionalexpression,theISTPwillexperienceatempertantrum,often lashingoutwithblameatothers.Without theskilldeveloped toreign the emotion in, usually it has to be fully expressed andworked throughbeforetheISTPcalmsdownenoughtoreflect.

Long-termgrip.WhileHarmonyispluggedintosocialdynamics, its3-Year-Oldformfocusesononeofthemostself-centeredelements:personalstatus.TheISTPmayget intothehabitofbragging,constantlyshowcasingtheirbrillianceandperpetuallybringingtheconversationbackaroundtothemselves.Unabletorest into their own self-esteem, the ISTP will use the childlike version ofHarmonytoimploreotherstogivethemapproval.

Habitual grip. This grip shows up as codependent or otherwise unhealthyrelationships.ConnectionisdifficultforISTPstocreate,whichiswhytheytendtobeloyaltothepeopletheylove.Butinthisversionofthegrip,theyfearthattheycannotreplicateconnection.TheISTPmaythinkthatnooneelsewilleverlovethem,sostayinanunhealthyrelationshipforfartoolong.Theymayshowupeitherasthevictimorastheperpetratorofabuse,orasboth.Effortstowardgettinghealthywillbeseenasthreats:Anychangetotherelationship,includinganimprovement,maydestroyit.

HowtoBestUseHarmonyThebestwaytouseHarmonyasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,connectwithafriendorfamilymember through physical touch (hugging) or through shared emotionalexperience.Watch something funny together. If you can’t be in each other’spresence,give themacall and let themknowyoumissed themandwanted toreconnect.Remindyourselfthattherearepeoplewholoveyouasyouare.

Remember,Harmonyisanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveandengagewithotherpeople.Thirtyminutesshouldbelongenough,butfeelfreetotake as long as needed to de-stress. If you’re still not feeling settled, invitesomeonetogotothemovies,orplayaboardorvideogametogether.Ifyou’reinaromanticrelationship,cuddlesareyourbestfriend.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromhavingtorationalizeeverything.Makesure you’re getting as far out of your head and as far into connections aspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalatfirst,butithasahugepayoff.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughof abreak,youcanusually comeback to the situationwith awholenewoutlook.

Using Harmony in this way can also provide a source of aspiration. It canencourage ISTPs to be contributors and thought leaders. People of your typehave literally changed howwe see reality, andwhen an ISTPunderstands thepowerwithin,theycanbethecalibratorofentiresocieties.

ReflectionThewaysHarmonycangripanISTPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyHarmony3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER17

ISFPPersonalityType

ThereisaninnerartistlivingintheheartofeveryISFP.ItiseasyfortheISFPtouse art, performance, dance, or other forms of expression to share their innertruthwithothers.Theymayevenchoosea spiritualmissionor social cause tocommunicate their values. They are masterful at embodying deeply personalemotionsandexperiences,andtheyhelpothersfindandexpresstheirown.

WhenanISFPattempts to rationalizeorexplain inner truths, theycanbecomefrustratedwhenothersdon’treadilyunderstand.Thiscanleadtotheirprojectingillintentonalistenerthatdoesn’tunderstandthem.Becausetheyfeelemotionssodeeplyandinsuchanuancedway,explanatorylanguageseemsinsufficient.If they feel too isolatedwith their intense emotions, they can becomegrumpyandwithdrawn.Attheirworst,theycangodowntheroadofself-harm.

AhealthyISFPhasfiguredoutstrategiestocommunicateemotionsthroughtheirpreferredartform.Bytakinguppoetry,painting,dance,music,missions,causes,or performances, ISFPs can find an outlet for the deep, and sometimesoverwhelming,emotionstheyfaceeveryday.

TheISFPDriverIsAuthenticity(Fi)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ISFP will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingAuthenticityasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingISFP. Itwill give you core values and ethics, inner alignment and conviction,andsympathy,art,andemotionalaikido.

CoreValuesandEthics

Being aware of one’s emotional responses at all times creates an ethicalcomplication. A person may feel one way in one situation but completelydifferentinaseeminglyidenticalsituation.Theymustlearntojudgethecontextof their reactions: Are their responses fully subjective, or are they based oncertainprinciplesthatcanbeusedtoguidefuturebehaviors?

What is a truly ethical action?When one feels the full emotional force of allbehaviors,theycan’thelpbutfrequentlyaskthisquestionandcreateagrowingbut deeply personal list ofwhat’s okay andwhat’s not. Since themajority of

behaviors fall on a spectrum, ISFPs are pretty laid back about most actionspeopletake.Apersonmaybeinsensitiveorobtuse,butunlesstheyoffendoneoftheISFP’scorevaluesortrueprinciples,thebehaviorislikelytobeforgottenorevengounnoticed.

Once a core value has been upset, however, the Authenticity process willimmediately register the offending action as unacceptable, and the ISFP willhavetofigureouthowtodealwiththeoffense.Atthispoint,theymaybecomeuncharacteristicallyimpassioned,outraged,andaggressive.

Thisiswhyitisincrediblyimportanttoknowone’scorevaluesandrevisethemfrequently. It’s important for an Authenticity user to not simply default towhatever feelsgood in themoment,orget locked intovalues formedata lesssophisticatedage.Whenone’scorevaluesaresetinyouthandnotreviewed,aperson can show up as self-absorbed, indulgent, and fixated on their ownexperience.AtrulyhealthyAuthenticityfunctionwilldraftasetofvalues thatarebothmeaningfulandadaptable.Justlikepeoplechangeandgrow,one’scorevaluesshouldchangeandgrowwiththem.AsanISFPgetstoknowthemselvesbetter over time, their core values will be a natural emergent of greater self-knowledge.

ExerciseCorevaluesareguidingprinciples.Inallsituations,corevaluesdeterminerightorwrongandletyouknowifyou’reontherightpath.Takeasheetofpaperandwritedownallbehaviorsyoubelieveareeitherrightorwrong,regardlessofthesituation. Give yourself plenty of time to do this exercise: hours, days, evenweeks.Feel free to revisit this listona regularbasisandrefine itasyou learnmoreaboutyourself.

ReflectionMytopfivecorevaluesare…because…:

FivecorevaluesthatIhavereevaluatedandadaptedovertheyearsare:

InnerAlignmentandConviction

Everyone has experienced inner conflict, but the Authenticity function knowsthatbeingof twomindsis just the tipof the iceberg.Focusedonbeingtrue tothemselves, ISFPs know there isn’t just one self; rather, there’s a legion ofvoices inside, all vying for attention. It’s difficult to know what to do whenlisteningintentlytoallthosevoices,eachwiththeirownagenda.

ThetaskofAuthenticityistolistencloselytowhateachpartoftheindividualissayingandprioritizebasedonwhat’strue,what’sright,andwhatwillgetneedsordesiresmet.

IftheburdenofAuthenticityistolistentoone’sinnercouncil,theresponsibilityofAuthenticityistoleadthosevoicesintoalignment.Or,iftheycan’tbeinfullchorus,Authenticitymust determinewhich parts should have the stage at anygiventime.

Theeasiestdecisionsareonesthatpresentnoinnerconflict,whichcouldbesaidto align with convictions. The moments when all inner voices are in fullagreement are beautiful moments and produce suchmomentum that the ISFPcanfeelunstoppable.It’sdifficultforAuthenticityuserstofeelmotivatedwhen

they feel uncertain, but once certainty is on the table, the ISFP becomes anunstoppableforcecapableofextraordinaryfeats.

Managing the inner council of voices and ideas is a skill that must be built,similar tomanaging groups of people. It’s imperative for an ISFP to learn toprioritizetheirneedsanddesiresbasedoncorevaluesandacodeofethics,notsimplywhatfeelsgoodinthemoment.

It’simportantforISFPstodevelopahealthyrelationshipwithconviction.WhenAuthenticity isyoung, it focusesonthegoodfeelingsofbeingright. Infact, itcan get addicted to the feeling of righteousness. This addiction leads to asynthetic conviction, where the ISFP will choose only the voice that wantsdesperatelytoberightwhileshuttingoutbothinternalandexternaldissent.Thisbehaviorisinvariablyfollowedbywrackingself-doubt.

Self-confidencecomesfromseekingoutdissentingvoicesandsittingwiththem,askingdifficultquestions,andconsideringwhattheanswersmeanfortheISFP’sidentity.Ifsomeofthosevoicesareunhealthyandhaveillintent,itbecomestheISFP’s responsibility to heal that part of themselves, or even allow the toxicpartsofthemselvestodie.It’sapainfulprocessthatcanfeellikeliteraldeathtoAuthenticity users, but it is a crucial aspect of self-management and self-leadership.

ExerciseThinkofadecisionyou’vebeenruminatingon,maybeevenputtingoff.Listenforany internalconflict. Imagineyourself inacouncil roomwhereeachvoicecomesupwithacompellingargument.Allowthemplentyoftimetogetthroughtheirconcerns,considerations,andvalidpoints.Aftereachvoicehasstatedtheircase,pulloutyourlistofcorevalues.Askyourselfwhichargumentsaremostinalignmentwithyourcorevalues,andwhysomeofthevoicesmaybecountertoyour values. If this is a values-based decision, why are some of the voicesrepresentingasolutionthatrunscountertoyourvalues?Aretheselessmatureorunhealedpartsofyourself?Whatwouldpersuade them to stayconsistentwithyour values? Alternatively, is it a decision that isn’t values based? Is moreinformationneededandarethevoicesstumped?Doyouneedtolearnmoreandrevisitthecouncillater?

ReflectionWhatpartsofyourselfhaveyoubeenavoiding listening to? Is itbecause theyaren’t saying things of value, or because what they have to say representschangesforwhichyoumaynotfeelready?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepartsby:

Sympathy,Art,andEmotionalAikidoSo much of the human experience is impossible to express using verballanguage.Despitethat,allofushaveaneedtounderstandeachotherandtobeunderstood. When Authenticity is in its infancy, a person can be quite self-absorbed.Without sharpening the function, an ISFPwill stay fixated on theirownexperience,unabletosurfacelongenoughtofeelsympathywithothers.

Over time and with development, Authenticity users recognize that otherpeople’s experiences are incredibly real to them, and so they offer theircompassion and sympathy. People with Authenticity Drivers know that tounderstand a person’s inner workings is to demonstrate their emotions andmotivationsbacktothem,showingthatallpeoplesharethesethingsincommonand can also experience them on a deeply personal level. Themost powerfulmediumthroughwhichhumansaccomplishthistaskisartandself-expression.

Throughout history,Authenticity users have found themselves to be unable toconvey their own subjective emotional experience in conversation, which hasdriventhemtobecomeartists.Theyhavebecomegreatatreplicatinganaspect

ofhumanity in a single, time-boundpieceof art: painting, song,poem, statue,choreographeddance,performance,oreventheirlifestyle.Thefoundationofartis the expression of universal human experiences, honoring that it will bepersonalizedbythereceiver.

Authenticity uses art to perform emotional aikido (page 53), transforming oneperson’senergyintoasharedexperience.It’sdifficulttodenythepoignancyofasharedexperience,or to judge itharshly.Authenticityencouragesonlookers toseethemselvesandtheworldwithsympathy.

ExerciseCommunicate an emotion to a friendwithoutusingwords.Youmayusehandgestures, facial expressions, drawings, noises, and sounds. Ask your friend iftheyunderstoodtheemotionyouweretryingtoshare,andif theywereabletoreplicatetheemotionwithinthemselvesbylinkingittotheirownexperience.

ReflectionHow can I use my chosen art form to help me better understand others andmyself?

Ifyoudonotcurrentlyhaveanartform,whatisstyleofartyou’vealwaysbeenattracted to?What is the lowest barrier of entry to begin engaging in this artform?

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofAuthenticity is logisticaloverloadandaone-size-fits-allsystem.Authenticityusersneedtohonortheirownindividualityandtailorsituationstowhatfeelsright;toomuchconformitywillcrushtheirspirits.Theyalsorequirefreedom from toomany demands or items on a to-do list, which smother themoregentlebut importantvoices inside.Thekey is tokeep life simple. ISFPsshouldfindcareersandopportunitieswhosecorevaluesandconstituentsmatchtheircorevalues.

ISFPsshouldalsoactivelypursueself-expression.Ifyouareanartist,makesureyou set aside plenty of time to engage in your art of choice. If you don’t seeyourselfasanartist,isthereaformofartyou’vealwaysbeeninterestedinbuthaven’tgivenyourselfpermissiontotry?Evenifyou’veneverbeenattractedtoart,identifyyourfavoritewayofexpressingyourself.Itcouldbeconversationswith intimate friends, an audio diary, or a standardwritten journal. Exploringyourinnerterrainiscrucial,andifyoudon’tgetenoughtimetodoit,youwillbecomedysthymicandeventuallydepressed.

ReflectionThetalentsAuthenticitycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseAuthenticityare:

I’mgoingtodevelopAuthenticitymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheISFPCopilotIsSensation(Se)Without an extraverted perceiving process, the ISFP is not complete.Withoutgetting realistic feedback about how the world actually works, the ISFP’sconvictions and beliefs will be unrealistic and self-serving. Broadening theirobservations to include people from many walks of life, receiving dissentingviews, and allowing themselves to fail encourage the ISFP to loosen theirattachmenttoidentitywhilepursuingabetterversionofthemselves.

An extraverted perceiving process also empowers the ISFP to become lessisolatedbylearningdifferentformsofcommunicationandpersuasion.Theycanover timebecomeskilledagentsofexpressionasopposedtosilencedidealists,hopingtheworldwillchangeforthem.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeanevery ISFPwill have the same skill leveloruse it in ahealthyway.DevelopingSensationasahealthyprocess iscrucial tobecominganamazingISFP.

ItcanbedifficulttoactivelydevelopanextravertedfunctionasanIntrovert.It

won’tbeasnaturalasworkingonAuthenticity,sodisciplineandafocusontherichrewardsSensationbringswillbekey.

SimplifyProblemsHealthySensationusersdon’thaveaproblemwithoveranalyzing;instead,theyreduce situations down to their fundamentals and address themhead-on.Theytake action immediately, happy to have something on which to expend theirenergy.Inthisway,SensationCopilotshandleproblemsquicklywithoutlettingthem stack up.While there are complexities in life thatmust be addressed assuch,ISFPsknowthatmuchoflifeisamatterofsimplyshowingupandcarvingadirectpath.

When an ISFP fully develops the Sensation function, they are better able tomanagedailytasksandchallenges,asopposedtoavoidingthemorlettingthemspiraloutofcontrol.SensationcanalsohelpanISFPcommunicateartistically.Thoughtheyoftenstrugglewithverbalcommunication,movementcanbecomeapowerful formof expression, includingdance,performance,painting,music,and other platforms. Sensation helps the ISFP build confidence, thoughhesitating to act slows down skill development and, ultimately, the power oftheirart.

ExerciseTurnyourcellphone’svoicemailoffforaweek,onlyallowingyourselftotakecallsas theycome.This letsyouremovea“to-do”itemfromyourlist(callingpeopleback)infavorofhandlingbusinessinthemoment.

ReflectionNamethreetasksyou’vebeenavoidingthatyoucouldtakecareofimmediately:

Name a skill (like playing amusical instrument) you’ve been dreaming aboutstartingbuthavebeenputtingoff:

Makeacommitmentwithyourselftofinishthesetasksandthenbeginbuildingthatskillbythisdate:______________

Objectivity

Therearefewthingsasdisruptive toafantasyascold,hardreality.“Seeing isbelieving,”as it’soften said, and theSensationprocess is always scanning forfacts can be directly experienced. This creates pragmatism, as well as arelationshipwithwhat’sphysicallypossibleandwhatisnot.

The idea of imposed physical limitations reminds ISFPs that people have asharedobjectivereality,andthatthereisaplaceforimpersonalrules.TheISFPmust think carefully about which rules to question and which convictions toadopt.Themorerealistictheybecome,themorepowerfultheirimpactwillbe,shouldtheytakeupacause.

ExerciseHow often do you ask that exceptions be made for you? Monthly?Weekly?Daily?Thinkabout the last timeyouaskedforarule tobebent inyourfavor.Spendtenminutesconsidering:

• Whytheruleexistedinthefirstplace.

• Whattheimplicationswereforotherpeopleinthesituation.

• Wasitokaytoaskfortheruletobebrokeninyourfavor?Why,orwhynot?

Reflection

Nameyourmostimportantvalueorconviction.Howrealisticisit?Wouldyoumaintainit,evenifgivenevidencetocontradictit?

StayPresent

All people betray what’s going on inside of themselves with “tells,” uniqueactionsthatflagtheirinternalcondition.WhentheSensationfunctionispresentinthemoment,otherpeople’stellsareobvious.ThesetellsarecrucialforISFPs.When they can observe the impact they’re having on other people, they cancalibratetowhetherornotthey’rebeingcongruentwiththeirownvalues.

It’seasytositonthesidelinesandjudgeotherpeopleforhypocrisy.It’smuchmore difficult to stay in alignment with ideals and values when in the game.Getting real-time feedback is like a checks-and-balances system that ensurescongruenceofvalues. If thevaluesdon’t addup, itmaybe time to reevaluatethem.

StayingpresentinasituationalsobringsouttheISFP’splayfulside.IftheISFPbecomes anxious forwhat’s coming next, Sensation grounds them into realityand the joy of themoment. It’s important to remember the adage: “Don’t letyourfuturerobyouofyourtoday.”

ExerciseFindapartner.Haveaconversationwiththemwhereyougettotalkbuttheycanonlyusenonverbalcues.Findouthowfarintotheconversationyoucangetandstillbeaccurateaboutwhatthey’retryingtocommunicatetoyou.

Reflection

Iamgoingtolivemoreinthepresentmomentby:

CopilotGrowth

Sensationisoneofthehighestleveragepointsforgrowthinyourpersonality.Itallowsyou to test your convictions and core values in real-life situations.Areyourvaluesauthentic?Doyouhaveunrealisticexpectationsfortheouterworld?Isthereapieceofawarenessyou’remissing?

Here are some ways that an ISFP can phrase questions to help grow theirSensationprocess:

• What’sthesituationtryingtotellme?

• HowcanIgetintoactionrightnow?

• What’sarealisticexpectation?

• HowcanImakeeachmomentmorefunandplayful?

Asan ISFP,yourSensationprocesscanhelpyou reconcilewhat’s true toyouand what’s true for the outside world. As you increase your understanding,insteadofbeingseenbyothersashavingyourhead in theclouds,youwillbeseenasinspirational.

Tostayfocusedondoingtherightthings,you’llneedtogetoutsideyourselfandexperiencetheworldforwhatitis,notwhatyouwishitwas.Onlythencanyoudiscoverwhatreallymatterstoyouonacorelevel.

As an ISFP, your Sensation process can help you refinewhat’s right for you.Don’t ignorethisadvantageofincreasingyourawarenessoftheoutsideworld.Youcandothisbyaskingquestionsaboutwhatthingsare,andbygettingmore

involvedwithyourbodyandyour senses tohelpyou see lifepractically.YoucanlearntohoneyourSensationprocessby:

• Crossingthingsoffyourto-dolist.

• Pickingupthatnewskillyou’vebeenwantingtolearn.

• Tryinganewformofartisticexpression.

• Beingspontaneousandhavingfun!

• Joininganactingclass.

AsanISFP,youwillbringthebestversionofyourself to theworldwhenyouget outside your comfort zone and engage in every aspect of life.DevelopingSensationmakesyouinspirational.

ReflectionThetalentsSensationcangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseSensationare:

I’mgoingtodevelopSensationmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourSensationprocesstoday:

TheISFP10-Year-OldIsPerspectives(Ni)Perspectivesisdesignedtoseekmeaningandlooktowardthefuture.Itcanhelppeopleresonatewithotherviewpointsandnotovervaluetheirownexperiences.It future-paces, predicts outcomes, plays with abstraction, and pushes theboundariesofwhatcanbeknown.Itseeswhatcannotbeseen.

The ISFPcanuse thePerspectives functionas away to seekmeaning in theirlives. Perspectives can give them insight into how other people are thinking,addinganextralayerofsympathyfortheplightsofothers.Perspectivescanalsohelpthemaccessamoreesotericinterpretationofreality,fromwhichcomesanalmost magical style of art. It helps them dream big and set a purpose-filledtrajectoryfortheirlife.However,Perspectivescancauseself-sabotagingmentalpatterns.

Asanintrovertedfunction,PerspectivesallowstheISFPtoaccessaperceivingprocesswhilestayinginsidetheirownmind.Thiscanbeokayattimes,butiftheISFPgetsused to relyingonPerspectives to support their judgments, theycanrationalizeskippingdevelopmentoftheirSensationCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForISFPs,thisusuallymanifestsasassumingtheyalreadyknowsomething,eveniftheyhaveaninsufficientamountofevidenceorinformation.

Perspectivesis,inalargepart,aboutseeingwhatcan’tbeseen.Itspeculatesandmakesleapsofintuition.PeoplewhohavePerspectivesasastrengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyusethisfunctiontocreateavisionforthefuture.Butyou’reanISFPandarewiredtobeatyourbestwhenseeingrealityforwhatitis,notwhenmakingbaselessassumptions.

Ifyour10-Year-OldgetstohavethefinalcallwithoutconsultingtheCopilotofSensation,it’sgoingtoseetheworldlikeachildwould.Childrenaren’tgreatatpatternrecognition,andwithouthighself-confidence,speculatingonwhatother

peoplearethinkingofthemorwhatthefutureholdscanproduceanxiety.

Perspectivescanmanifestasa10-Year-Oldbytakinginfartoolittleinformationyet still havinghubriswhendrawing conclusions.Agut feeling can substituteforactualexperience.Theremaybesuspicionofpeoplewhohavebetterinsight.

However it shows up, themotive is to protectAuthenticity’s conclusions and,ultimately,theISFP’sveryidentity.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ISFP experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheSensationprocess.

Short-termloop.Thismayonlylastforafewmomentsuptoafewdays.BeingprovenwrongcanfeeltrulyawfulforanISFP,asiftheircompetencyhasbeencalled into question.Many ISFPs can even sensewhen it is approaching, andwill instinctivelyshutoff theirability to take innew information.Perspectivesusers usually observe information and then form a pattern fromwhat they’velearned.ButwhenPerspectivesisuseddefensivelyinaloop,theISFPwillforma pattern and then shoehorn information to match it. They can even believethey’ve seen or experienced something they haven’t, forcing their senses toconfirmtheirintuition.

Long-term loop. Unwilling to face even subtle fears, the ISFP will becomeincreasingly anxious until they cannot cope with their life or future. If theanxiety has attached to a person, group of people, or entity, the ISFP maybecome paranoid. Real, more mundane fears that could be addressed arereplacedbytalkofagendasandconspiracytheories,whichtheISFPbelievesarebeyondtheirabilitytoinfluence.

Habitualloop.Withouthavingawaytoobservetheirimpactintheworldorgetfeedbackon theirvalue, an ISFPwillgo togreat lengths toavoid thehorriblefeelingofbeingwithoutvalue.Perspectivesusers interpretmeaning,butwhentheISFPexploitsPerspectivesinaloop,theywillconstructasimplenarrativeorfantasy when they need some sort of relief. The ISFP may tell themselves

they’reiconoclasts,butinreality,theydonotquestiontraditionorfollowanewpath.Theymaybecomeantisocial, feelingnoonecouldeverunderstandthem.Often,they’llcreateavillain,someoneorsomethingtopassalltheblameforlifeonto.Thebroken-downISFPwillnotattempttoimprovetheirsituation.Instead,they’llshutdownasmuchfeedbackfromtheworldaspossible.Inthisway,theytakenopersonalresponsibilityandavoidfacingliferealistically.

ReflectionThewaysAuthenticityandPerspectivescanloopinanISFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUsePerspectives

Ifyoufindyourselfshuttingyourselfofffromouter-worldfeedback,becomingparanoid, or shying away from responsibility, this is a bad use of thePerspectivesfunction.TapintotheSensationfunctionandaskyourself,“Lifeissoshort—doIwanttospenditfeelingnegativeemotions?”

That said, if you feel inspired to live a life of purpose,make plans to play a

bigger game in life, or have compassionate insights into other people’sexperiences,thatwouldbethetimetolistentoPerspectives.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingparanoid.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.People of your type often enjoy outwitting other people in games, sharing thelatest technology, and learning psychology. You can also use this process tobecome better at reading and interpreting the body language of friends andfamilymemberstogetcluesaboutwhat’sgoingonwiththem.

TheISFP3-Year-OldIsEffectiveness(Te)Effectiveness is designed to measure results, accomplish goals, and makeprojects happen. The preferred function of many executives and politicians,Effectiveness spends a lifetime asking about return on investment (ROI) andlooking for ways to create autonomous systems. Personal feelings are aninterruptionthatmustbeaccountedfor,buteliminatedifatallpossible.

Asa3-Year-Oldprocess,EffectivenessisapartoftheISFPthatwhispersfromthe shadows. Normally quite capable of ignoring systems and to-do lists,suddenlyanISFPwillbefloodedbyambitiontogetthingsdone.

TherearethreewaysanISFPexperiencesthegrip,themomentswhentheDriverprocessisstressedoutandneedsabreak,andthe3-Year-Oldfunctiontakesoverthewheelof thecar.This ismost likelywhentheISFP’semotionsoverwhelmthemandtheyfeelliketheymustdosomethingrightaway.

Short-termgrip.This occurswhen the ISFP is overwhelmedby emotion andtheconvictionthatsomethingisn’tright.Unsurehowtoexpressthisconvictionto others, the ISFP will blow up, certain that there’s a wrong that must berighted.They’llexpressoffense, indignation,andanger.This iswhentheISFPwillbecomeuncharacteristicallyaggressive,sometimesevenviolentinwordsoraction,surprisingthemselvesafterthey’vehitacool-downperiod.

Long-termgrip.Whenthere’sanaggingfeelingtheISFPistryingtogetawayfrom,theychoosedistractionasanoutlet.Itcanbeworkingallthetime,hyper-focusingonamajorproject,ortryingtomakesomethinghappen—especiallyif

thatthingisn’thealthy.Forexample,anISFPinanunhappymarriagemayturnto an unrequited relationship as a “project.” The desire isn’t to cheat on theirspouse; the desire is to distract themselves with scheming and strategizing.Knowingtherelationshipwillremainunrequitedmakesitfeelsafe.Moreoften,thisgripshowsupasworkaholism.

Habitualgrip.AgrippedISFPmayusemanipulativebehavior.TheISFPwillexploittheiremotionalaikidotoseedstress,anxiety,orothernegativeemotionsin other people, hoping to force them to act on the ISFP’s behalf. Unable toinspire others to stay motivated with healthy convictions, the ISFP lacks theabilitytomeettheirownneedsandmustcontinuetomanipulateothers.

HowtoBestUseEffectivenessThe bestway to use Effectiveness as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,findasimplesetoftaskstoaccomplishthatyouwon’tregretlater.Someexamplesareclearingoutyour email inbox, cleaning out your car, or playing construction or strategyvideogames,suchasSimCityorCivilization.

Remember,Effectiveness isanextravertedprocess,somakesureyou’reactiveand engaged in your environment. Thirtyminutes should be long enough, butfeel free to take as long as needed to de-stress. If you keep going back towhatever it is that’s stressing you out, throw yourself even more into youractivity.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromintrospection.Makesureyou’regettingasfaroutofyouremotionsandasfarintoataskaspossible.Itwon’tfeelnaturalatfirst,but ithasahugepayoff.OnceyourDriverhashadenoughofabreak,youcanusuallycomebacktothesituationwithawholenewoutlook.

UsingEffectiveness in thiswaycanalsoprovidea sourceofaspiration. It canencourage ISFPs to accomplish big-game goals, sometimes even idealisticallybig.And that’s part of itsmagic:When you shoot for themoon, even if youmiss,you’llstilllandamongthestars.

ReflectionThewaysEffectivenesscangripanISFPare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyEffectiveness3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER18

ENTJPersonalityType

ENTJsareinnovatorsofcomplexsystemsandhavetheabilitytobuildsupportstructures for their creations. They are willing and able to create outside oftemplates,makingbigthingshappenintheworld.

With the drive to accomplish goals combinedwith awillingness to challengeconvention, ENTJs naturally rise to positions of influence in business,government,andindustry.ItisobvioustoanENTJwheretoallocateresourcesandhowtoleadpeopleinwhattheyshouldbedoing.

However,ENTJscanbecomecynicalwhenpeoplemakebaddecisionsordon’tdothereasonableorobviousthing.ThiscanmakeitchallengingforanENTJtosympathizewithpeople’sindividualsituationsandstruggles.Infact,ENTJsmaycausetroubleforothers,as theyareunawareofhowtheiractionsimpactotherpeople.

At the top of their game,ENTJs understand that true power ismore effectivethan force or domination. A feeling of personal empowerment in the ENTJmakesspaceforotherpeopletoalsoexpresstheirownpower.Lifeisnotazero-sumgame.Thisfostersmoresustainableresultsandbetterrelationshipsintheirlife.

When ENTJs construct the life they want while still honoring personalrelationshipsandethics,theybecomepowerful,benevolentexecutivesovertheirownlife,creatingtheresultstheyenvisionintheouterworld.

TheENTJDriverIsEffectiveness(Te)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ENTJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingEffectivenessasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingENTJ.

Effectiveness, when developed and sharpened, allows you to gain a naturalunderstanding of resourcemanagement, set up streamlined systems, and buildskillsthatmaybeuncomfortable,butarenecessaryforlife.

ResourceManagement

Time, energy, money—everything that is built requires resources to build it.Whenitcomestodeterminingwhichresourcestouse,theEffectivenessDriverhasanaturalinterestinreturnoninvestment(ROI).Isacertainresourceworththeeffort?Toanswerthatquestion,Effectivenessalsopaysspecialattentionto

stresstests,whichhelpdetermineifsomethingcanholdupinthelongrun.

Ultimately, ENTJs use Effectiveness for sustainability. The least amount ofeffort for themost amount of return is great, but if it’s going to break downquicklyandrequiremoreeffortinthelongrun,it’snottrulyworthit.Thinkingonalargescalehelpsinformwhetherornotsomethingwillpassthetestoftime.

WhenanENTJismanagingresources,theymustconsidertheirfeelingsandthefeelings of others. Thismeans theymust learn tomanage their emotional andpsychological resources.Without allotting time for the personal things in life,unexpected emotions may creep in, shutting all production down. Schedulingtime out for R&R and reconnecting with family is crucial for overallmaintenance.

ExerciseGetgoodatdeterminingthevalueofhumanoremotionalfactors.Timeisoftenoverlooked inROI,asare things likeemotionalexpense.Whendetermining ifsomething isworth effort, usemonetary gain as only one consideration. Takeinto account enjoyment of process, learning, and quality of product. ThestandardROIalgorithmisROI=(Gain−Cost)/Cost.Feelfreetocreateyourownalgorithmtoincorporatemorefactors.

ReflectionName three soft factors you tend to eitherwaste (or overprotect) thatmay beinterruptingyourROI:

JournaloneareaofyourlifewhereyouwouldliketoimproveyourROI.Usingthealgorithmabove(oroneyouhavecreated),stateanactionableplanthatwillhelpyougetmoreoutoftheresourcesyou’reputtingintoit:

StreamlinedSystemsIfEffectivenesscouldbeexpressed inasinglequote, itmightbe,“Freedomisdefinedasasystemthatrunssowell,younolongerhavetothinkaboutit.”

Effectiveness,likeHarmony,isaboutattemptingtocreateanenvironmentwherepeople get their needs met. But the needs of Effectiveness aren’t emotional,they’relogistical.Systemshelpgroupsstayinaflowwithoutparticipantsgettingin eachother’sway.Automobile freeway systemsare agreat exampleofhowstreamliningkeepsusallmovingforwardwithouthavingtoreallythinkaboutit.Once these systems are in place, even bigger goals can be attained sinceaccomplishmentsbuilduponthemselves.

WhenENTJsdeveloppatience, theyno longer feel theneed to force things tohappen too quickly. An efficient system should be set up according to theprincipleofwaterflowingdownhill.Intermsofmoney,itflowstothecheapesteffectivesolutiontoaproblem.Thisprincipleshouldbeappliedtoallresources,not just money. It’s tempting to jump on what is expedient, but if it’s not asustainable solution, itwon’tbeeffectiveoverall.Agood system recognizesalittleacceptablelosswhilemaintainingitselfforthelongterm.

ExerciseThe next time you perform a task, document the process with a goal ofstreamliningthetask.Considerthattherearetwotypesofprocesses:criticalandoptional.Which steps arenecessary to the task, andwhichcanbe cut?Whichresources (time, money, energy) are necessary? Can you afford to pare the

resourcesdownforoutcome?Onceyouhaveastep-by-stepprocedure,consultwith others who have accomplished this same task and discover if there wasanythingyoumissed.

ReflectionNamethreeresourcesyouneedtoimproveyourmanagementof:

Now, look at your schedule. What are you prioritizing that compromises thepropermanagement of those resources? Record three to five ideas on how torecoupthoseresourcesintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildingNecessarySkills

EffectivenessDriverscanshutoffpersonalfeelingsinordertogetthingsdone.Infact,itmaybearguedthatthisisthecorecompetencyofEffectiveness.Dailytasksaren’talwayspleasant,norisskillbuildingoutsideone’sareaofexpertise.Whilecompletingthesetasks,ENTJsmaystruggletoshowupauthenticallyorthey may unintentionally come across as having bad intent. Expanding theiremotionalandsocial intelligencecanbea struggle, especially if theENTJhasdevelopedjustenoughtogetwhattheywant.

While it’s easy tomarginalize one’s ownweaknesses, eventually their effectscanpileup.Andattimes,it’sonlyobviousthattheseskillsareunderdeveloped

whenanopportunityfortheirusehasalreadyslippedby.

When an ENTJ builds a strong relationship with their Effectiveness Driver,they’llbitethebulletandfocusonproficiencyinareasthatarenecessaryforlife.Anythingunnecessarycanbedelegated,aslongastheresourceshavebeenbuiltto hire themout or hand themoff.But for anything that can’t be delegated—cultivating friendships, finding love, maintaining physical health, performinghouseholdresponsibilities—theENTJcanleanonEffectivenesstohelpthemputtheirheaddown,muscle through,andmake ithappen,all thewhilebuildingasustainablesystemtokeepthebenefitsofthehardworkgoing.

ExerciseIdentify one area of your lifewhere you care about improving but have beenprocrastinating. It could be getting into better physical shape, improving yourdiet,findingaspouse,doingpublicspeaking,findingabetterjob,etc….Makealistofwhythisissomethingyouwant,andidentifywhathasbeenholdingyouback. Ask yourself howmuchmore rewarding your life would be if you juststartedworkingtowardit,evenifitisn’toptimaloridealinthebeginning.Paintapictureofwhat your lifewould look like if youwere to succeed.Write thisvisualizationoutandputitonyourrefrigerator.

ReflectionNameoneareaofyourlifeyouwouldliketoimprove:

Name three activities you can begin immediately that would address thisimprovement:

Atthebeginningofeachday,writedownwhatyouaregoingtodothatdaytoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

Attheendofeachday,writedownwhatyoudidtoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

SettingUptheRightConditions

The enemy of Effectiveness is emotional insecurity. If you’re troubled,Effectivenesshasdifficultydoingwhat itdoesbest:creatingplansandmakingrationaldecisionstogetthejobdone.

As yourDriver, Effectiveness is your Flow state, and if you’re not using thisfunctionenoughyou’lleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.So,setupyourconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Keeplifestreamlinedandmanageable.And if life is throwing toomany emotionally confusing things atyou,makesureyouscheduletimetoaddresstheminsteadoflettingthemcreepintoallyouractivities.

Addressingyouremotionalstatemayfeelself-indulgent,butitcanalsobeseenas a task. Focus on actual effectiveness, not efficiency. While it may seeminefficienttogiveenergytointrospection,ifignoringyourfeelingsdisruptsyourlife,thendoingsorobsyouofyouroveralleffectiveness.Itcanbeassimpleasreflectingonhowfaryou’vecome,thelessonsyou’velearnedthroughoutyour

life,andhowtheyinfluenceyourplanstomoveforward.

ReflectionThetalentsEffectivenesscangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseEffectivenessare:

I’mgoingtodevelopEffectivenessmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheENTJCopilotIsPerspectives(Ni)Withoutanintrovertedperceivingprocess,theENTJisnotcomplete.Theymaydemandthateveryonecontortthemselvestoservethesystemsthathavebeenputinplace,forgettingthatsystemsaretheretoservepeople.Withoutcheckingintoensure that individual experiences are taken into consideration, theENTJmaybecomeunsympathetic,rash,andpresumptuous.

AnintrovertedperceivingprocessremindstheENTJtobepatientandrecognizethat longer timelines are always at play. It also helps them connect to theirsubjectiveexperience,peerintofuturepossibilities,speculateonoutcomes,andapplythisunderstandingtointeractionswithandonbehalfofotherpeople.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeaneveryENTJwillhave thesameskill leveloruse it inahealthy way. Developing Perspectives as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingENTJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an introverted function when one is anExtravert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonEffectiveness,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsPerspectivesbringswillbekey.

PerspectivesofOthers

SincethePerspectivesCopilotwatchesitsownmindformpatterns,itbuildstheskillofdetachingfromitsownperspective.Inthisdetachedspace,itiseasytojumpintotheperspectiveofothers.

Being able to see things from another person’s worldview helps the ENTJexplain why others do the things they do. Perspectives Copilots realize thesimpletruththatallactions,regardlessofhowconfusingordistastefultheyaretoothers,makesensetothepersonwhocommittedthem.Itceasestobeamatterof explaining the behavior and becomes a matter of explaining how it madesensetotheindividual.

As an ENTJ, getting inside other people’smindsmeans recognizing not onlyhow their experiences have shaped them, but the conclusions they’ve come to

abouthowlifeworks.Thiscanincludetheirbeliefs,paradigms,andstrategiesofbehavior.

Influencingpeople toward a better future,whether theyhave smaller or largerambitions,meansrecognizingwhichmentalpatternsneedtobeimproveduponandhowtocommunicateinawaythatimpactsthosepatterns.

This doesn’t mean that all ENTJs must be consultants or thought leaders.However, there isa strongpull forENTJs tohelporganizationsandstructurescarveabetterpath.Buildingtheskillsnecessaryfor influence—writing,publicspeaking, creating models, and showing results-based evidence—also benefitENTJsinternally.TheycanshinealightonthosepatternswithintheENTJthatmaybeerroneous.

ExerciseThinkofaheinousactionorcontroversialpersonthatyoucan’tseeyourselfevercondoning. Insteadof jumping tocondemntheaction, takeamoment to reallygetinsidetheheadofthepersonwhoperformedtheaction.Howdidtheiractionmake complete sense to them at the time?Can you understand it sowell youcoulddefendittoanotherperson?Don’tfocusontheactitself,butonthemindofthepersonwhocommittedit.

NowthatyouareinaPerspectivesframeofmind,filloutthefollowingjournalprompt.Ifyoucannotthinkofanythingimmediately,feelfreetoruminateonthequestion. It may guide you to some uncomfortable places, and that’s okay.DevelopingyourPerspectivesprocessmeansgettingoutsideyourcomfortzone.Italsomeansapplyingthissamegenerosityofspirittoyourself.

ReflectionWhatpatternsareinsideofme(beliefs,perspectives,strategiesofbehavior)thatI’vebeenavoidinglookingat?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthesepatternsby:

DeepInsight

Thistypeofpatternrecognitionisbestdoneunconsciously,allowingthemindtowanderwherever itneeds togo.ENTJsmayfind themselvesgetting theirbestideaswhen theyfirstwakeup,orevenwhile theydream.Attempting todirectthesethoughtsmayactuallyinterrupttheprocess.Aninsightinprocesscanfeellikeabloodhoundonthescent,anditneedsfreedomtoexplorewhateveristhenextlead.Themindcanofferupburiedinsights,ifoneisquietenoughtohearthem.

ExerciseCreateagentle,quietspaceforonefullhour.Turnoffall sensorystimulation,turnoff lights, anddeaden anynoise.Ensurenoonewill interrupt youduringthistime.Consideryourfavoritequote.(Forexample,CarlSagansaid,“Wearea way for the universe to know itself.” Rumi said, “The wound is the placewhere the Light enters you.”) Set a timer.When one hour is up, immediatelywritedownwhereyourmindtookyou.

ReflectionMymostrecentinsightfromonehourofquiettimeis:

FuturePerspectives

ENTJssolveproblemsbyshiftingperspectivesuntilthesolutionbecomesclear.Running simulations becomes second nature, watching how each possiblescenarioplaysoutover time.Using theirCopilotprocess todo this, theENTJwillgetintoaflowstatebyfuture-pacing,andwillclockmanypleasurablehoursconsidering the fate of relationships, business, politics, technology, andhumanityitself.

This is a far healthier exercise than its bastard cousin, conspiracy theorizing.While some conspiracies are interesting thought exercises andmay even havesome foundation in truth, attempting to know the malevolent forces at workdoesn’t really help move the needle of humanity as much as it encouragesparanoia.ForENTJstobethebestversionofthemselves,askingwhat’spossiblefor humanity is generally better than assuming humanity is doomed (and onlytheENTJcanseeit).

ExercisePersonalize this skill by future-pacing. Theorize how an upcoming event oractivitywill pan out.Rehearse howyou expect to behave in the situation andhowotherswillrespondtoyou.Continuetodothisexercisewithmorecomplexsituations—social encounters, romantic evenings, board meetings, etc. If youfind yourself sabotaging situations in order to affirm your predictions (that is,expectingthatnobodywilltalktoyouatapartywhilespendingtheeveninginadark corner), whenever possible, future pace a positive outcome, the one youwouldlovetoexperience.Whataresmallactionsthatinfluencethetrajectoryoftheoutcome?Weretheywhatyouexpected?

ReflectionWritedownthefivemostrecentpredictionsyoumadethatcametrue.

CopilotGrowthPerspectivesisthehighestleveragepointforgrowthinyourpersonality.Ithelpsyou,asanENTJ,makebetterdecisionsbyreflectingonoutcomesandpersonalmeaning,aswellasconsidertimelinesandyourimpactonotherpeople.

HerearesomewaysthatanENTJcanphrasequestionsusingtheirPerspectivesprocess:

• Whatarethelong-termeffectsofthisdecision?

• Whatimpactwillthisdecisionhaveonme?Whataboutotherpeople?

• AmImissingimportantdetails?

Perspectivesencouragesyoutoslowdown,thinkthroughyourplans,andhavepatiencewiththeresults.Thisprocesshelpsyoutobethoughtfulinactions,lookat thebigpicture,andavoidcompleting tasks for theirownsake. It alsohelpsyoudeterminewhichinsightsmatter;PerspectiveshelpsanENTJkeeptrackofmeaning.

It’seasyforanENTJtogetintoactionandcrossthingsofftheirto-dolist.Butwithout slowing down enough to take their own intuition into consideration,ENTJs may find themselves dissatisfied, without meaning or meaningfulrelationships.

GrowingyourPerspectivescanbeachallenge foryouasanENTJ. Itcan feellike a threat to turn inward, facing painful scenarios and uncomfortableemotions.There’safearthatthefurtherinwardyougo,thelesscontrolyouwillhave.However,youshouldembracethismentalprocessbecauseitgivesyoutheopportunitytobeinventiveandimbuemeaningintoyourdailyflurryofactivity.Ifyouwanttochoosefulfillmentovermeaninglessactivity,youwillneedtogetoutofyourcomfortzone.

To develop your Perspectives function, start by asking, “What bigger purposeamIworkingtoward?”Then,taketheseactionsasyougothroughlife:

• Spendtimealonewithyourthoughts.Runfuturesimulationsofprobabilities.

• Beforesettlingonathought,checktoseeifyou’vealreadymadeasimilardecision.Reflectonwhatyoulearnedabouthumannatureandhowthingsplayedout.

• Askyouradvisorsandpeopleyourespecttospinyouanarrativeofwhattheyseesoyoucanlearnfromit.

• Besensitivetoanyoneworkingunderyou.Getfeedbackontheirexperienceandconsiderchangesthatcouldbemadeineveryone’sbestinterest.

• Slowdown,leanintoyourintuition,behonestaboutwhichactionsactuallymakemeaning,andbethoughtfultowardallthepeoplearoundyou.

Youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyoulookinwardandimbuehumanityintoyourdecisions.

ReflectionThetalentsPerspectivescangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyusePerspectivesare:

I’mgoingtodevelopPerspectivesmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourPerspectivesprocesstoday:

TheENTJ10-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)Sensationlivesinthehereandnow.Itspurposeistobepresent,realistic,andtosimplify challenges so they can be acted upon. Sensation asks questions like,“What aremy senses tellingme?”, “Howare peopleover-complicating this?”,“What can I know tobe empirically true?”, and “What is otherpeople’sbodylanguage tellingme?” Taking reality at face value is the name of Sensation’sgame.Asitmatures,itgetsbetteratinterpretingtheinformationgiventoitandknowinghowtorespondquicklytosituations.

There’s an energy that ENTJs can tap into when using Sensation. Makingmeaningfrompersonalexperiencemeansgettingoutandexperiencing,andtheSensation function encourages the ENTJ to move through the world, findingstimuli to feed into their intuition. They become more practical in theirspeculationsabouthowitallworks.ThemeaningandimpacttheENTJwantstohaveisfueledbytheSensationfunction.Italsomeansthatnoteverythinghastobe taken seriously, as Sensation is the most playful function of the eight

cognitivefunctions.However,asa10-Year-Oldprocess,Sensationmaystrugglewithknowinghowtorespondtofeedbackfromotherpeople.

As an extraverted function, Sensation allows the ENTJ to access a perceivingprocess while staying focused on outer-world feedback. This can be okay attimes, but if the ENTJ gets used to relying upon Sensation to support theirconclusions, they can rationalize skipping development of their PerspectivesCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForENTJs,thisusuallymanifestsasgettingashallowreadonasituationoractingthoughtlessly.

Sensationis,inalargepart,aboutgettingquickimpressionsandthentakinganappropriate action.PeoplewhohaveSensation as a strength areusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyuseittotestlimitations.ButasanENTJ,you’rewiredtobeat your best when looking for deeper meaning, not just at what’s beingpresented.

If your 10-Year-Old acts without consulting the Copilot, it’s going to sortintricate informationata10-Year-Old level,andyou’ll findyourself justifyingallsortsofbaddecisions.Ifyou’reinadefensiveplaceandfeelingthreatenedbybadfeedback,youmayevengoontheoffensiveto“destroy”thesource.

Anotherway Sensation canmanifest itself as a 10-Year-Old is by being self-indulgentwiththesenses.Thiscanshowupasalackofself-disciplinewithfoodorsubstances,andsometimeslaziness.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ENTJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingthePerspectivesprocess.

Short-term loop.When stuck in an emotion and unable to get out, theENTJmayget caught in a loopof aggressivebehavior or “monkeymind” for a fewmomentsuptoafewdays.Inthefirstcase,theENTJisreactivetothesituation,upset,andunabletothinkthingsthrough.Theymaybecomeviolentandhostile,andevenstarttothrowobjects.Alternatively,whenexperiencingmonkeymind,theENTJmaybecomeunsettled, restless, indecisive,anduncontrollable.They

mayfeelanintenseneedtoescapeasituation.

Long-term loop. Compensating for insecurities, the ENTJwill focus on theirimage.Theywillseesuperficialmarkers,suchasthesocialclubsthey’reabletogainaccesstoorthecarstheydrive,asgenuineexamplesofsuccess.Intheloop,theENTJwillconvincethemselvesthattheyaredeepandabletoseethingsthatothersmiss,butinreality,theyavoidintrospectionoutofthefearthattheyarenotenough.Superioritycoverstheirfearofinadequacy,andtheENTJmaykeepthepeopleintheirlivesfrommeetingeachothersonoonehasthefullstory.

Habitualloop.Alessintenseloopthanthefirst,andfarlessoffensivetoothersthan the second, an ENTJmay stay in a loop of self-indulgence for an entirelifetime.Eatingtomaskemotions,bingingonTVshows,followingthepathofleast resistance…the ENTJ will fully embrace the monkey mind, chasingwhateverisinterestingtotheminthemoment,lackinganytypeoflifeplan,anddriftingfromonethingtothenext.Inthisloop,theENTJhidesfromtheirrealfeelingsandremovesanymeaningfromtheirlife.

ReflectionThewaysEffectivenessandSensationcanloopinanENTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseSensationIfyoufindyourselfgettingreactive,image-conscious,orself-indulgent,thisisabad use of the Sensation function. Tap into the Perspectives function and askyourself,“WhatamItryingtoaccomplishhere?Dotheseactionsorjudgmentshavethelong-termconsequencesIwant?”

Thatsaid,ifyou’veconsideredpersonalmeaningandlong-rangeconsequences,and your mind is eager for excitement, that would be the time to listen toSensation.Itsjobisn’ttokeepyoufocusedonthesuperficial;it’smeanttogiveyouenergyandbelively.Justdon’t let it foolyouintobecomingimpulsiveorindulgent.And if you can’t back up the answers to your questionswith solidresults,takesometimetoreevaluateyouractions.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypeoftenenjoyexperienceswithfriends,hostingparties,beingartistic,anddressingwithflair.YoucanuseSensationforrelaxation,self-care,andgettingpampered.AndyoucanuseSensationtobehonestandhumbleaboutyourlimitations,inspiringotherswithyourtransparency.

TheENTJ3-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)Authenticity helps us get in touchwith our emotions and value systems. Thepreferredfunctionofmanyartistsandcounselors,theAuthenticityprocesshelpsusrecognizethateachpersonhastheirownsubjectiveexperiencethatshouldbehonored. Authenticity users often share the kaleidoscope of emotionalexperience, which can be difficult to express, through nonverbal forms ofexpression,andtryhardtostaytruetothemselves.

As a 3-Year-Old function, Authenticity for the ENTJ is a part of them thatwhispers from the shadows. Normally capable of ignoring their emotions infavor of productivity, suddenly the ENTJwill be overwhelmed by an intenseemotionalexperienceandadesiretobeunderstood.

There are three ways an ENTJ experiences the grip, the moments when the

Driverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolofthecar.ThisismostlikelywhentheENTJavoidsdealingwiththeiremotionsoroffendstheirsenseofvalues.

Short-term grip. This surfaces when emotions become overwhelming.Typically preferring to ignore emotions, ENTJs can get hitwith an emotionaltsunami when situations become too intense. Rage, despair, terror, or even apanicattackwillgrip theENTJ,whomaynothavedevelopedtheresources tonavigatetheirwayoutofsuchanintenseemotionalexperience.

Long-termgrip.Alessintensegrip,insecuritycaninterrupttheENTJ’sabilityto confidently make decisions. It may be accompanied by self-doubt, evenhelplessness.Generallyuncomfortablewithsharing theiremotions, thegrippedENTJmayfeelthatnooneunderstandsthem,orthatpeoplewouldlosefaithinthemiftheirlackofself-confidencewererevealed.Unabletoconfideinothersandprocesstheiremotions,theygettrapped,leadingtomoreanxiety.TheENTJloses the clarity that usually accompanies their decision-making.Despite theiruncertainty, they may feel forced to take action, which may lead to badconsequences. This reinforces their fear of incompetence and perpetuates thecycleofinsecurity.

Habitual grip. The third experience of being in the grip shows up as self-sabotage.Unabletocommunicatethepainwithinthemandlackingtheresourcestoaddressit,theENTJwillprojecttheirfeelingsontotheoutsideworldinalast,desperate attempt to understand their emotions. They may become passiveaggressive, biting, and hurtful. This is to mirror their own feelings of beingunappreciated, disrespected, and hurt. It’s not uncommon for this grip to beaccompaniedwithdysthymia, apersistentmild formofdepression, though theENTJmaynot register it as depression. In this grip, theENTJhas tomonitorthemselvesfordepressionastheywouldafriend,bylookingforthesigns:lowenergy, trouble getting out of bed, an unhealthy relationship with food, andcheerlessness.

HowtoBestUseAuthenticityThe best way to use Authenticity as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,which will help prevent the grip from occurring. In this case, give yourself

permissiontobeemotionallyself-indulgent.Eventhoughemotionalexpressionseemstime-consumingandimpractical,doitanyway.Startanartproject,write,make music, dance, or journal. Talk to a friend who is a good listener. Cry,laugh,emote,andexpress.

Give yourself a break from being productive and instead, be fully in yourexperience.If30minutesisn’tenoughtime,keepgoing.Consideritspelunkingintoyoursoul.Findintimacywithinyourself,gettoknowwhoyouare,andaskyourselfwhyyouvaluewhatyoudo.

Using Authenticity in this way can also be a source of aspiration. It canencourageENTJs tobecomegentleandkind, recognizing thateachpersonhasfeelings and that they should matter. It allows the ENTJ to let go of fear ofemotionalpainandwelcomearichhumanexperience. Ithelps themrecognizethatattheendoftheday,we’realljustpeopledoingourbest.

ReflectionThewaysAuthenticitycangripanENTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyAuthenticity3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER19

ENFJPersonalityType

ENFJslovehumandynamicsbothinthepracticalandabstractsense.Theyhaveanaturaltalentforunderstandinghowagroupofpeopleneedstofeelinordertocreate change.When at their peak,ENFJs create and foster supportive cultureacross families,communities,andothergroupsofpeople.When theydofocuson the individual,ENFJsareveryattuned to thedetailedandspecificneedsoftheperson.

Becauseofthisintensefocusonthedetailsofotherpeople’sneeds,ENFJscansometimesbecomereactiveandlosesightofthebiggerpicture.Theypickuptheenergy andneeds of themoment insteadof focusingon a longer timeline andotherplayers.IftheENFJisn’tcareful,theycanlosethemselvestotheserviceofothers.

Lettingothersstruggleinsteadofcomingtotherescuecansometimesbethebestway to meet needs of both the individual and the collective. If an ENFJ canremembertheebbandflowofhumanneedsandinterpersonaldynamics,andcantake the position of amentor rather than a rescuer, they can influence culturefromapositionofauthority.WhenENFJsareat theirbest, theybecomemoreresponsible and less reactive, creating a deep, grounding energy that benefitseveryone.

TheENFJDriverIsHarmony(Fe)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ENFJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingHarmony as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingENFJ.HarmonycanhelpanENFJidentifytheneedsofallpeople,includingtheself, and meet those needs; build healthy boundaries; and deeply understandsocialdynamicsandcontracts.

IdentifyNeeds

Fluctuatingemotionsareoften the first sign thatpeoplehaveunmetneeds.AnENFJmaybesotuned-inandsensitivetoemotionsthattheyfinditeasytohelppeoplefeelsafe,loved,andstable.Thiscanbeassimpleashostingapartyandmakingitlookeffortless,tobeingashoulderforagrievingfriendtocryon,tohelping your friends with complicated relationship issues. People who havedeveloped theirHarmonyprocessbecomesoskilledat this, theyoftenbecomethe go-to person in a time of crisis. Learning to be available to help meet

people’s needs also helps you become extremely industrious and have lots ofunexpectedtalentsandskillsinavarietyofareas.

Makingsureyou’regettingyourneedsmetisequallyimportantas—ifnotmoreimportant than—meeting the needs of others. You can’t run on fumes all thetime,andyoucan’tbeofhelptoothersifyou’reperpetuallyexhausted.Expressunmet needs out loud. Avoid behavior like walking away if you’re unhappy,being silently disapproving, or only crying alone.When you are comfortableexpressing your emotions, you become a role model for others to expressthemselves,andyouarebetterabletohelpthemgettheirneedsmet.

ExerciseAskyourself,“Whatneedisgoingunmetforme?”Itcouldbealonetime,bettereatinghabits,moresleep,aconversationwithafriend,anightout,orjustsomepampering.Onceyouidentifyit,askyourselftheeasiestandfastestwaytogetthatneedmet.

ReflectionNameyourtopthreeneedsthatfrequentlygounmet.

Now, look at your schedule.What are youprioritizing that gets in thewayofthoseneedsbeingmet?Ifit’speopleyoucareabout,likeyourspouse,children,family, and friends, just remember that you can’t get to their needs if you’rerunningon fumes. Journal3 to5 ideas thatyoucanbegin implementing to fitthoseneedsintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildHealthyBoundariesHarmony is the process that is used to create and maintain unspoken socialcontracts.Contractsaredesigned forus toknoweachother’sexpectationsandhonor them(as longas theyareagreedupon). Ifyou,asanENFJ,don’tknowyour boundaries,Harmonywill encourage you to spend timewith people andexperience both acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Once you know yourboundaries,Harmonyhelpsyoucreatecontractsaroundthem.

Thatmeansyou’llhavetocommunicatethemtothepeopleinyourlife,makingsuretheyfullyunderstandandagreetoyourboundaries.Inamomentwhereyoufeel taken advantage of or thrown under a bus, ask yourself which of yourboundarieshasbeenbroken,andifitwasyouortheotherpersonwhobrokeit.

Bysettinguphealthyboundaries,youwillpreventmisunderstandingsandhonorthe limited resource that is your energy.When you give, youwill give out ofloveanddesire,notmerelyoutofobligation.

ReflectionFollowthejournalpromptbelowtobecomecleareraboutyourboundaries.Feelfree to repeat this journal prompt multiple times until you feel confident andauthenticabouttheboundariesyou’vediscoveredandset.Onceyou’vedoneso,share them with the three people who you feel closest to. If they areuncomfortablewithyournewboundaries,askifit’sbecausetheboundariesareunreasonable, or because they will change the relationship. Be sensitive toresistancetochangewhilestayingfirmwithyourrequirements.

Remember:Boundarysettingisaskill.Itmightbebumpyatfirst,butovertime

andwithsmallsuccesses,yourboundarieswillbecomeapartofyouridentity.

Namethree(ormore)thingsyouwouldliketoseemoreofinyourlife:

Namethree(ormore)behaviorsyouwillneverallowinyourlifeagain:

I would like to strengthen the boundaries in these areas of my life:

Icanimprovetheboundariesineachareaofmylifeby:

Ifsomeonecrossesaboundary,myplanistosay:

UnderstandSocialContracts

Understanding unspoken social contracts means being able to know what’sexpected of yourself and others. This comes from a lifelong study of whatoffendsotherpeopleversuswhatmakesthemfeelcomfortable.

Thistypeofunderstandingisamajoradvantageinnewcircumstancesandwhenfirstmeetingpeople.You’reveryrarelygoingtosaythewrongthingoralienateothers. Infact,peopleofyour typeareoftenpopular ingroupsettingsbecauseyoucanhelpkeeptheconversationgoingwithoutoffendinganyoneor leavinganyoneout.

Mostimportantly,tappingintothespectrumofsocialcontractsremindsanENFJthat people have different values and needs. This opens them up to a bigger,broaderworld.CreatingrelationshipswithavarietyofpeopleremindstheENFJthateveryonehashadauniqueexperienceandmaycomewithfreshideasandrelevantperspectives.

ExerciseMake it your aim tomeetmany new people. Themore people youmeet, themoreopportunitiesyouhave tounderstand thecultures theycome from.Whatwastheirfamily’sculture?Whatareaofthecountryorworldaretheyfrom?DomisunderstandingsofculturegetinthewayofcreatingHarmony?Howcanyourincreasedunderstandingofotherpeopleandtheirfamilyorcountryhelpyoutokeeprelationshipsbetweenpeopleinsocialsettingscongenialandhappy?

Reflection

The way I feel about meeting new people is:________________________________________________________________

If I experience any hesitancy aboutmeeting new people,what do I suspect isgoingonforme?

Iwillmeetonenewpersonthisweek.Afterward,Iwillrecordtheconversationand what I learned from it here:

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofHarmony is a critical spirit. Ifyou’re judgmentalofyourselforothers,Harmonyhasdifficultydoingwhatitdoesbest:craftingapositivesocialclimateandmeetingotherpeople’sneeds.

As your Driver, Harmony is your Flow state, and if you’re not using thisfunctionenough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.Setupyour conditions to access thismental process often.Keep in touchwith lovedones and foster new relationships. Organize your space to be welcoming andwarm.

Address conflicthead-on. Itwill initially feel likeyou’re feeding theproblem,butdiscorddoesn’tgoawaybybeingneglected.All relationships face tensionandclashes; it’spartofhumandynamics.Ifyou’refrustratedthatpeopledon’tseem to be getting along, tap into the experience each person is having anddiscover their individual unmet needs. If you’re involved in the conflict,rememberwhatyouknowabouteachpersonandbeasmindfuloftheirsituationaspossible.

ReflectionThetalentsHarmonycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseHarmonyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopHarmonymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheENFJCopilotIsPerspectives(Ni)

Without an introverted perceiving process, theENFJ is not complete.Culturalexpectations can be mistaken for personal identity. Without checking in toensure that individual experiences, not just individual needs, are taken intoconsideration,theENFJmaybecomejudgmentalandinvasive.

An introvertedperceivingprocess reminds theENFJ tobepatient, slowdown,andthinkbeforeacting.Italsohelpsthemconnecttotheirsubjectiveexperience,remindthemofwhichexperienceshaveleftthebiggestimpressions,andapplythisunderstandingtothesolutionstheyimplementonbehalfofotherpeople.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeaneveryENFJwillhave thesameskill leveloruse it inahealthy way. Developing Perspectives as a healthy process is crucial tobecominganamazingENFJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an introverted function when one is anExtravert. Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonHarmony, sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsPerspectivesbringswillbekey.

PerspectivesofOthersSincethePerspectivesCopilotwatchesitsownmindformpatterns,itbuildstheskillofdetachingfromitsownperspective.Inthisdetachedspace,itiseasytojumpintotheperspectiveofothers.

Being able to see things from another person’s worldview helps the ENFJexplain why others do the things they do. Perspectives Copilots realize thesimpletruththatallactions,regardlessofhowconfusingordistastefultheyaretoothers,makesensetothepersonwhocommittedthem.Itceasestobeamatterof explaining the behavior and becomes a matter of explaining how it madesensetotheindividual.

As an ENFJ, getting inside other people’smindsmeans recognizing not onlyhow their experiences have shaped them, but the conclusions they’ve come toaboutthoseexperiences.Thiscanincludetheirbeliefs,paradigms,andstrategiesofbehavior.

Everyonehasabagof tricks lifehas taught them,andsometimesthat includesstrategiesthatareharmfultothemselvesandothers.Thatis,“hurtingpeoplehurtothers.”ENFJscanrecognizewhenpeopleareinpain,andwhentheylashoutbecauseofit.ThekeyforanENFJisnottogetlostthinkingabouthowtraumashapes themind, but rather to focus on how it can be healed. Patterns of themindareplastic,notstatic.Asanaturalseerintothemindanditsrelationshiptoself and others, the ENFJ has a talent for developing tools and strategies forshiftingparadigms,especiallyastheyrelatetoemotionalandhealingwork.

This doesn’tmean that all ENFJsmust be therapists or counselors. However,there is a strong pull for ENFJs toward helping people find their path. Andoftentimes, the ENFJ will find the healing they need for themselves frompointingotherstowardabetterway.

ExerciseThinkofaheinousactionorcontroversialpersonthatyoucan’tseeyourselfevercondoning. Insteadof jumping tocondemntheaction, takeamoment to reallygetinsidetheheadofthepersonwhoperformedtheaction.Howdidtheiractionmake complete sense to them at the time?Can you understand it sowell youcoulddefendittoanotherperson?Don’tfocusontheactitself,butonthemindofthepersonwhocommittedit.

NowthatyouareinaPerspectivesframeofmind,filloutthefollowingjournalprompt.Ifyoucannotthinkofanythingimmediately,feelfreetoruminateonthequestion. It may guide you to some uncomfortable places, and that’s okay.DevelopingyourPerspectivesprocessmeansgettingoutsideyourcomfortzone.Italsomeansapplyingthissamegenerosityofspirittoyourself.

ReflectionWhatpatternsareinsideofme(beliefs,perspectives,strategiesofbehavior)thatI’vebeenavoidinglookingat?

Being kind to myself, I’m going to address these patterns by:

DeepInsight

Thistypeofpatternrecognitionisbestdoneunconsciously,allowingthemindtowanderwherever itneeds togo.ENFJsmay find themselvesgetting theirbestideaswhen theyfirstwakeup,orevenwhile theydream.Attempting todirectthesethoughtsmayactuallyinterrupttheprocess.Aninsightinprocesscanfeellikeabloodhoundonthescent,anditneedsfreedomtoexplorewhateveristhenextlead.Themindcanofferupburiedinsights,ifoneisquietenoughtohearthem.

ExerciseCreateagentle,quietspaceforonefullhour.Turnoffall sensorystimulation,turnoff lights, anddeaden anynoise.Ensurenoonewill interrupt youduringthistime.Consideryourfavoritequote.(Forexample,CarlSagansaid,“Wearea way for the universe to know itself.” Rumi said, “The wound is the placewhere the Light enters you.”) Set a timer.When one hour is up, immediatelywritedownwhereyourmindtookyou.

ReflectionMymostrecentinsightfromonehourofquiettimeis:

ConflictManagement

Watchinghowone’sownmindworkscangivecluesas tohowotherpeople’sminds are working. Take a word like loyalty or love. If we believe everyonedefines love the same way, we’re going to find ourselves in trouble whensomeonewe’re ina relationshipwithbehaves inaway thatdoesn’tmatchourowndefinition of love. Thesemisunderstandings happen all the time.Becauseyou have Perspectives as a strength, however, you catch thesemisunderstandings. It’s not uncommon for people of your type to watch anargumentbetweentwopeopleandsay,“Waitaminute—youguysareusingthesameword tomean two totallydifferent things.”Or,“Youguysareusing twodifferentwordstomeanthesamething.Youactuallyagree.”

ExerciseListen toaconversationasa third-personobserver.Usingdiscretion,atcertainpoints in the conversation—when one of the speakers uses a word with anambiguousmeaning—askthemtoclarifywhattheymeanbythatword.Askthelistener if that’s the same meaning they took from it. Practice guessing thedifferenceinmeaningbetweenthelistenerandthespeaker.

ReflectionNamefivewayspeopledisagreeonthedefinitionofthewordlove.

CopilotGrowthPerspectivesisthehighestleveragepointforgrowthinyourpersonality.Ithelpsyou,asanENFJ,makebetterdecisionsbyreflectingonoutcomesandpersonalmeaning,aswellasconsidertimelinesandyourimpactonotherpeople.

HerearesomewaysthatanENFJcanphrasequestionsusingtheirPerspectivesprocess:

• Whatarethelong-termeffectsofthisdecision?

• Whatimpactwillthisdecisionhaveonme?Whataboutotherpeople?

• AmImissingimportantdetails?

Perspectivesencouragesyoutoslowdown,thinkthroughyourplans,andhavepatiencewiththeresults.Thisprocesshelpsyoutobethoughtfulinactions,lookat thebigpicture,andavoidcompleting tasks for theirownsake. It alsohelpsyoudeterminewhichinsightsmatter;PerspectiveshelpsanENFJkeeptrackof

meaning.

It’seasyforanENFJtogetintoactionandcrossthingsofftheirto-dolist.Butwithout slowing down enough to take their own intuition into consideration,ENFJs may find themselves dissatisfied, without meaning or meaningfulrelationships.GrowingyourPerspectivescanbeachallengeforyouasanENFJ.It can feel like a threat to turn inward, facing painful scenarios anduncomfortableemotions.There’safearthatthefurtherinwardyougo,thelesscontrol you will have. However, you should embrace this mental processbecause it gives you the opportunity to be inventive and imbuemeaning intoyourdailyflurryofactivity.Ifyouwanttochoosefulfillmentovermeaninglessactivity,youwillneedtogetoutofyourcomfortzone.

TodevelopyourPerspectivesfunction,startasking,“WhatbiggerpurposeamIworkingtoward?”Then,taketheseactionsasyougothroughlife:• Spendtimealonewithyourthoughts.Runfuturesimulationsofprobabilities.

• Beforesettlingonathought,checktoseeifyou’vealreadymadeasimilardecision.Reflectonwhatyoulearnedabouthumannatureandhowthingsplayedout.

• Askyouradvisorsandpeopleyourespecttospinyouanarrativeofwhattheyseesoyoucanlearnfromit.

• Besensitivetoanyoneworkingunderyou.Getfeedbackontheirexperienceandconsiderchangesthatcouldbemadeineveryone’sbestinterest.

• Slowdown,leanintoyourintuition,behonestaboutwhichactionsactuallymakemeaning,andbethoughtfultowardallthepeoplearoundyou.

Youwillbringthebestversionofyourselftotheworldwhenyoulookinwardandimbuehumanityintoyourdecisions.

ReflectionThetalentsPerspectivescangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyusePerspectivesare:

I’mgoingtodevelopPerspectivesmoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourPerspectivesprocesstoday:

1. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

TheENFJ10-Year-OldIsSensation(Se)Sensationlivesinthehereandnow.Itspurposeistobepresent,realistic,andtosimplify challenges so they can be acted upon. Sensation asks questions like,“What aremy senses tellingme?”, “Howare peopleover-complicating this?”,“What can I know tobe empirically true?”, and “What is otherpeople’sbody

language tellingme?” Taking reality at face value is the name of Sensation’sgame.Asitmatures,itgetsbetteratinterpretingtheinformationgiventoitandknowinghowtorespondquicklytosituations.

There’s an energy that ENFJs can tap into when using Sensation. Makingmeaningfrompersonalexperiencemeansgettingoutandexperiencing,andtheSensation function encourages the ENFJ to move through the world, findingstimuli to feed into their intuition. They become more practical in theirspeculationsabouthowitallworks.ThemeaningandimpacttheENFJwantstohaveisfueledbytheSensationfunction.Italsomeansthatnoteverythinghastobe taken seriously, as Sensation is the most playful function of the eightcognitivefunctions.However,asa10-Year-Oldprocess,Sensationmaystrugglewithknowinghowtorespondtofeedbackfromotherpeople.

As an extraverted function, Sensation allows the ENFJ to access a perceivingprocess while staying focused on outer-world feedback. This can be okay attimes, but if the ENFJ gets used to relying upon Sensation to support theirconclusions, they can rationalize skipping development of their PerspectivesCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForENFJs,thisusuallymanifestsasgettingashallowreadonasituationand/oractingthoughtlessly.

Sensationis,inalargepart,aboutgettingquickimpressionsandthentakinganappropriate action.PeoplewhohaveSensation as a strength areusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheyuseittotestlimitations.ButasanENFJ,you’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhenlookingfordeepermeaning,notjustwhat’sbeingpresented.

If your 10-Year-Old acts without consulting the Copilot, it’s going to sortintricate informationata10-Year-Old level,andyou’ll findyourself justifyingallsortsofbaddecisions.Ifyou’reinadefensiveplaceandfeelingthreatenedbybadfeedback,you’llendupseeingrealityselectively.

Anotherway Sensation canmanifest itself as a 10-Year-Old is by being self-indulgentwiththesenses.Thiscanshowupasalackofself-disciplinewithfoodorsubstances,andsometimeslaziness.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoop

There are three ways an ENFJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingthePerspectivesprocess.

Short-term loop.When stuck in an emotion and unable to get out, theENFJmayget caught in a loopof aggressivebehavior or “monkeymind” for a fewmomentsuptoafewdays.Inthefirstcase,theENFJisreactivetothesituation,upset,andunabletothinkthingsthrough.Theymaybecomeviolentandhostile,andevenstarttothrowobjects.Alternatively,whenexperiencingmonkeymind,theENFJmaybecomeunsettled, restless, indecisive, anduncontrollable.Theymayfeelanintenseneedtoescapeasituation.

Long-term loop. Compensating for insecurities they are unable to admit tothemselves, the ENFJ will focus on their image. They will see superficialmarkers, such as how many friends they have or who they’re in a romanticrelationshipwith, as genuine examples of success. In this loop, theENFJwillconvincethemselvestheyaredeepandabletoseethingsthatothersmiss,butinreality,theyavoidintrospectionoutofthefearthattheyarenotenough.Asenseofsuperioritycoverstheirfearofinadequacy,andtheENFJmaykeepthepeopleintheirlivesfrommeetingeachothersonoonehasthefullstory.

Habitualloop.Alessintenseloopthanthefirst,andfarlessoffensivetoothersthan the second, an ENFJmay stay in a loop of self-indulgence for an entirelifetime.Eatingtomaskemotions,bingingonTVshows,followingthepathofleast resistance…the ENFJ will fully embrace the monkey mind, chasingwhateverisinterestingtotheminthemoment,lackinganytypeoflifeplan,anddriftingfromonethingtothenext.Inthisloop,theENFJhidesfromtheirrealfeelingsandremovesanymeaningfromtheirlife.

ReflectionThewaysHarmonyandSensationcanloopinanENFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseSensation

Ifyoufindyourselfgettingreactive,image-conscious,orself-indulgent,thisisabad use of the Sensation function. Tap into the Perspectives function and askyourself,“WhatamItryingtoaccomplishhere?Dotheseactionsorjudgmentshavethelong-termconsequencesIwant?”

Thatsaid,ifyou’veconsideredpersonalmeaningandlong-rangeconsequences,and your mind is eager for excitement, that would be the time to listen toSensation.Itsjobisn’ttokeepyoufocusedonthesuperficial;it’smeanttogiveyouenergyandbelively.Justdon’t let it foolyouintobecomingimpulsiveorindulgent.And if you can’t back up the answers to your questionswith solidresults,takesometimetoreevaluateyouractions.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyourtypeoftenenjoyexperienceswithfriends,hostingparties,beingartistic,anddressingwithflair.YoucanuseSensationforrelaxation,self-care,andgettingpampered.AndyoucanuseSensationtobehonestandhumbleaboutyourlimitations,inspiringotherswithyourtransparency.

TheENFJ3-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)

Accuracy helps us solve problems and build skills. The preferred function ofmanyscientistsandmechanics,Accuracyusersprizedataandsystemsthinking.Oftencommunicatingdirectlyandwithradicalhonesty,Accuracyhelpspeoplerefineinformationbyremovingpersonalbiasandsocialpressure.

Asa3-Year-Oldfunction,AccuracyisthepartoftheENFJthatwhispersfromthe shadows. Normally capable of marginalizing information that appearsantisocial, suddenly the ENFJ will feel an overwhelming need to analyzethemselvesandothers,becomingcoldlydiagnostic.

There are three ways an ENFJ experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolof thecar.This ismost likelywhenanENFJavoidsdealingwith theirthoughtsorexperiences,thusdevelopingcognitivedissonance.

Short-termgrip.When theyareexhaustedbysocialexpectations,ENFJswillresorttoextremecriticism.ForsomeENFJs,itwillbeself-criticism:Theymaybeat themselves up for believing themselves to be failures, unable to explaintheir ideas,orunlovableor intellectually inferior.Thenegativeself-talkcanberelentless and crippling. For other ENFJs, the criticism will focus on others,turning the blast outward in an icy barrier between themselves and those thatcouldhurtthem.

Long-term grip. Some ENFJs will become deceitful. Actinguncharacteristically self-centered, the ENFJ will create a false front, allowingotherpeopletobelievewrongbutflatteringinformationabouttheENFJ.If thesituationrequires,theENFJmaydirectlylietokeepuptheirimage.Inthisgrip,ENFJs self-justify and overinflate their competence to both themselves andothers.

Habitualgrip.Inthemostsubtleanddifficulttypeofgriptodisrupt,theENFJrepressesallnegativeemotionswhenfacingthepublic.Theyfearotherswillseethem forwho they truly are—imperfect andunacceptable.By staying cheerfulandshowinghighmorale, theyareabovereproachandcanputoff the timeofreckoningaslongaspossible.Theymayoveranalyzerelationships,projecttheirinadequacies onto others, take credit for personal development they haven’tdone,andfeelitisunjustthatothersdon’thavetoworkashardtomaintaintheirlives.Unfairnessbecomesathemeintheirlives.

HowtoBestUseAccuracy

ThebestwaytouseAccuracyasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,giveyourselfpermissiontocheckoutoflifeforawhileanddoseriousself-care.Removeyourselffromrelationship and emotion management. Find a quiet space for reflection and“me”time.DoaSudokupuzzleorplaySolitaireorvideogames.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromcaringabouttheneedsofothers.If30minutesisn’tenoughtime,keepgoing.Considergivingyourselfanentiredayofindependenceandself-direction,answeringtonoonebutyourself.

Accuracycanalsobeasourceofaspiration,thevoicethatwhispersinthebackof your mind. It can encourage ENFJs to pursue their own interests, findautonomy,andbeself-directed.ItalsoencouragesENFJstohaveconfidenceintheirintelligence,accumulatedknowledge,andabilitytoproblemsolve.

ReflectionThewaysAccuracycangripanENFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyAccuracy3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER20

ESTJPersonalityType

Attheircore,ESTJsaremanagerswhowantthingstoworkwithaslittlefrictionas possible. They are willing to try new things, diversify, and find creativesolutionssotheycangetresultsattheendoftheday.

The ESTJ superpower is the ability to simplify and organize timelines andlogistics. As managers, they have a knack for creating schedules, strategies,workflows,andprocessestostreamlinethelivesoffamilyandcoworkers.Theylovetofindthe20percentofeffortthatwillget80percentoftheresult.

WhileESTJsarewillingtothinkoutsidethebox,theywillonlytolerateahighdegreeofcreativityifithasanelementofpracticaluse.BecauseESTJstendtofocus on the return on investment, they love to measure results in the outerworld.Theymayperceiveimmeasurableeffortsasunnecessaryindulgencesandtheymaybecomeabrupt,judgmental,andunsympathetic.

ESTJsexcelwhentheyareopenandacknowledgethatthey,too,canbequirkyandcreative.Whentheyareattheirbest,theyhaveagenerousspirit.

TheESTJDriverIsEffectiveness(Te)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ESTJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingEffectivenessasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingESTJ. Effectiveness, when developed and sharpened, allows you to gain anaturalunderstandingofresourcemanagement,setupstreamlinedsystems,andbuildskillsthatmaybeuncomfortable,butarenecessaryforlife.

ResourceManagement

Time, energy, money—everything that is built requires resources to build it.Whenitcomestodeterminingwhichresourcestouse,theEffectivenessDriverhasanaturalinterestinreturnoninvestment(ROI).Isacertainresourceworththeeffort?Toanswerthatquestion,Effectivenessalsopaysspecialattentiontostresstests,whichhelpdetermineifsomethingcanholdupinthelongrun.

Ultimately,ESTJsuseEffectivenessforsustainability.Theleastamountofeffort

for themostamountof return isgreat,but if it’sgoing tobreakdownquicklyand requiremore effort in the long run, it’s not trulyworth it. Thinking on alargescalehelpsinformwhetherornotsomethingwillpassthetestoftime.

WhenanESTJismanagingresources,theymustconsidertheirfeelingsandthefeelings of others. Thismeans theymust learn tomanage their emotional andpsychological resources.Without allotting time for the personal things in life,unexpected emotions may creep in, shutting all production down. Schedulingtime out for R&R and reconnecting with family is crucial for overallmaintenance.

ExerciseGetgoodatdeterminingthevalueofhumanoremotionalfactors.Timeisoftenoverlooked inROI,asare things likeemotionalexpense.Whendetermining ifsomething isworth effort, usemonetary gain as only one consideration. Takeinto account enjoyment of process, learning, and quality of product. ThestandardROIalgorithmisROI=(Gain−Cost)/Cost.Feelfreetocreateyourownalgorithmtoincorporatemorefactors.

ReflectionName three soft factors you tend to eitherwaste (or overprotect) thatmay beinterruptingyourROI:

JournaloneareaofyourlifewhereyouwouldliketoimproveyourROI.Usingthealgorithmabove(oroneyouhavecreated),stateanactionableplanthatwillhelpyougetmoreoutoftheresourcethanyou’reputtingintoit:

StreamlinedSystemsIfEffectivenesscouldbeexpressed inasinglequote, itmightbe,“Freedomisdefinedasasystemthatrunssowell,younolongerhavetothinkaboutit.”

Effectiveness,likeHarmony,isaboutattemptingtocreateanenvironmentwherepeople get their needs met. But unlike Harmony, the needs of Effectivenessaren’temotional, they’relogistical.Systemshelpgroupsstayinaflowwithoutparticipantsgettingineachother’sway.Automobilefreewaysystemsareagreatexample of how streamlining keeps us all moving forward without having toreallythinkaboutit.Oncethesesystemsareinplace,evenbiggergoalscanbeattainedsinceaccomplishmentsbuilduponthemselves.

WhenESTJsdeveloppatience, theyno longer feel the need to force things tohappen too quickly. An efficient system should be set up according to theprincipleofwaterflowingdownhill.Intermsofmoney,itflowstothecheapesteffectivesolutiontoaproblem.Thisprincipleshouldbeappliedtoallresources,not just money. It’s tempting to jump on what is expedient, but if it’s not asustainable solution, itwon’tbeeffectiveoverall.Agood system recognizesalittleacceptablelosswhilemaintainingitselfforthelongterm.

ExerciseThe next time you perform a task, document the process with a goal ofstreamliningthetask.Considerthattherearetwotypesofprocesses:criticalandoptional.Which steps arenecessary to the task, andwhichcanbe cut?Whichresources (time, money, energy) are necessary? Can you afford to pare the

resourcesdownforoutcome?Onceyouhaveastep-by-stepprocedure,consultwith others who have accomplished this same task and discover if there wasanythingyoumissed.

ReflectionNamethreeresourcesyouneedtoimproveyourmanagementof:

Now, look at your schedule. What are you prioritizing that compromises thepropermanagement of those resources? Record three to five ideas on how torecoupthoseresourcesintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildingNecessarySkills

EffectivenessDriverscanshutoffpersonalfeelingsinordertogetthingsdone.Infact,itmaybearguedthatthisisthecorecompetencyofEffectiveness.Dailytasksaren’talwayspleasant,norisskillbuildingoutsideone’sareaofexpertise.Whilecompletingthesetasks,ESTJsmaystruggletoshowupauthentically,orforgettomanagepeople’semotionalimpressions,unintentionallycomingacrossashavingbadintent.Expandingtheiremotionalandsocialintelligencecanbeastruggle,especiallyiftheESTJhasdevelopedjustenoughtogetwhattheywant.

While it’s easy tomarginalize one’s ownweaknesses, eventually their effectscanpileup.Andattimes,it’sonlyobviousthattheseskillsareunderdeveloped

whenanopportunityfortheirusehasalreadyslippedby.

When an ESTJ builds a strong relationship with their Effectiveness Driver,they’llbitethebulletandfocusonproficiencyinareasthatarenecessaryforlife.Anythingunnecessarycanbedelegated,aslongastheresourceshavebeenbuiltto hire themout or hand themoff.But for anything that can’t be delegated—cultivating friendships, finding love, maintaining physical health, performinghouseholdresponsibilities—theESTJcanleanonEffectivenesstohelpthemputtheirheaddown,muscle through,andmake ithappen,all thewhilebuildingasustainablesystemtokeepthebenefitsofthehardworkgoing.

ExerciseIdentify one area of your lifewhere you care about improving but have beenprocrastinating. It could be getting into better physical shape, improving yourdiet,findingaspouse,doingpublicspeaking,findingabetterjob,etc….Makealistofwhythisissomethingyouwant,andidentifywhathasbeenholdingyouback. Ask yourself howmuchmore rewarding your life would be if you juststartedworkingtowardit,evenifitisn’toptimaloridealinthebeginning.Paintapictureofwhat your lifewould look like if youwere to succeed.Write thisvisualizationoutandputitonyourrefrigerator.

ReflectionNameoneareaofyourlifeyouwouldliketoimprove:

Name three activities you can begin immediately that would address thisimprovement:

Atthebeginningofeachday,writedownwhatyouaregoingtodothatdaytoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

Attheendofeachday,writedownwhatyoudidtoimprovethisareaofyourlifeby5percent:

SettingUptheRightConditionsThe enemy of Effectiveness is emotional insecurity. If you’re troubled,Effectivenesshasdifficultydoingwhat itdoesbest:creatingplansandmakingrationaldecisionstogetthejobdone.

As yourDriver, Effectiveness is your Flow state, and if you’re not using thisfunctionenoughyou’lleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.So,setupyourconditionstoaccessthismentalprocessoften.Keeplifestreamlinedandmanageable.And if life is throwing toomany emotionally confusing things atyou,makesureyouscheduletimetoaddresstheminsteadoflettingthemcreepintoallyouractivities.

Addressingyouremotionalstatemayfeelself-indulgent,butitcanalsobeseenas a task. Focus on actual effectiveness, not efficiency. While it may seeminefficienttogiveenergytointrospection,ifignoringyourfeelingsdisruptsyourlife,thendoingsorobsyouofyouroveralleffectiveness.Itcanbeassimpleasreflectingonhowfaryou’vecome,thelessonsyou’velearnedthroughoutyourlife,andhowtheyinfluenceyourplanstomoveforward.

ReflectionThetalentsEffectivenesscangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseEffectivenessare:

I’mgoingtodevelopEffectivenessmoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheESTJCopilotIsMemory(Si)

Withoutanintrovertedperceivingprocess,theESTJisnotcomplete.Theymaydemandthateveryonecontortthemselvestoservethesystemsthathavebeenputinplace,forgettingthatsystemsaretheretoservepeople.Withoutcheckingintoensure that individual experiences are taken into consideration, the ESTJmaybecomeunsympathetic,rash,andpresumptuous.

AnintrovertedperceivingprocessremindstheESTJtobepatientandrecognizethat longer timelines are always at play. It also helps them connect to theirsubjectiveexperience,peerintofuturepossibilities,speculateonoutcomes,andapplythisunderstandingtointeractionswithandonbehalfofotherpeople.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeaneveryESTJwillhave thesameskill leveloruse it inahealthyway.DevelopingMemoryasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingESTJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an introverted function when one is anExtravert.Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonEffectiveness,sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsMemorybringswillbekey.

Reliable,Careful,andHonorsProcedureForpeoplewhouseMemoryasaCopilot,livinginanunpredictableorunstableenvironmentcarriesahugepenalty.Toavoidthiskindofenvironment,peopleofyour type are amazing at maintaining procedures and processes to minimizeinstability.Ifnoprocedureexists,Memoryiscompelledtofindone.

Memory users recognize the need for care and caution. There is no reason tomake repeated mistakes if a process is established to track them. It can be asimple aphorism to pass helpful knowledge from one generation to the next,such as “Measure twice, cut once.” There are important reasons we havestandards.While itmightsoundfun to“reinvent thewheel,”actualcarwheelswouldbeincrediblydifficulttoshopforifthereweren’tanestablishedstandardandseriesofregulationsontheirsizeandfittomostvehicles.

It’s important for an ESTJ to develop patience and recognize long timelineswhen making decisions. Without the Memory function, an ESTJ may

unintentionally sabotage their efforts by only taking into account immediatereturnsandshort-termstatistics.Rewardscomefromplayingthelonggame.

ExerciseIdentifyareasinyourlifethatareunsafeorinviolationofestablishedstandards,particularly things that (if left by themselves) could become a problem in thefuture. Look to a trusted organization, community, or family culture to gaugewhatthestandardisandhowyoucancorrectit.Ifyou’reunsure,consultexpertsforguidanceonhowtocorrecttheissue.

ReflectionWhat areasofmy life am I letting turn into chaos? Is there a procedure I canimplementtoreestablishsanity?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthischaosby:

HoldsRelationshipwithTradition

Memory users recognize how much each individual is influenced by theirexperiences.Theyalsounderstandtheimportanceofensuringthatmostofthosememoriesarepositive.Itisapleasuretocreatewonderfulmemoriesthatcanbe

replayedandenjoyedforever.Forthisreason,it’scommonforMemoryuserstoenjoyholidays,familygatherings,andothertimeswhenlovedonesgettogetherformomentousoccasions.

Traditionscanalsobeusedforhealing.TraumathatisdifficulttoshakefromtheESTJ’smemorymayrequireahealingtradition.Forexample,whenalovedonedies,itmaybecomeanannualtraditiontogatherwithotherstotalkaboutthem,rememberthem,andpaytributebylivinglifefullyintheirhonor.

The more sophisticated Memory gets, the more it’s open to adopting newtraditions. This is important to remember, as Memory in its infancy may befearful of the unfamiliar. Changing one’s traditions—including beliefs andparadigms—mayfeeldisloyal toparentsandother trustedauthorities.Butas itmatures, Memory becomes a more adaptable function. It incorporates newexperiences into its identity, learning tobecomewhatever isappropriate to thecontext.

ExerciseConsider ways you can pass on the traditions of your family to the nextgeneration.Isthereatraditionyouinheritedthatcanbetaughttoyourchildren,nieces, or nephews? Do they understand the importance of it, and will theycontribute topassing itonafteryou’regone?Howcanyoumake the traditionmore enjoyable in away thatwill leave a lasting impression, helpmold theirexperience,andhelpthemwanttocarrythetorch?

ReflectionThetraditionthathashadthebiggestimpactonmeis:

ResilienceandAcceptanceIt’snot easy to accept things as theyare, butMemoryhas thegreatestnaturaltalent for it, and therefore,Memory users demonstrate great resilience duringtrying situations. True acceptance includes letting go of judgment and blame(including of oneself) and instead addressing situations with tolerance andforgiveness. Memory meets unfair situations with fairness, and finds peacewithin.

AnESTJwill feel compelled tomanage the situation, andwithout developingMemory, they may attempt to force an outcome or shoehorn a solution. Toacceptasituationmayfeellikedefeat,likelosingcontroloverthesituation.Butacceptanceisnotpassive,norisitcomplacent.It’sarecognitionofwhatcannotbechangedandcomingtotermswithitsimpactinone’slife.

Memory users naturally understand the passage of time. They register changealmostimmediatelyandknowhowpeopleareformedbytheirexperiences.Theygetthatwearewhowearebecauseofourpast.Trulytraumaticexperiencescanbreakpeoplepast their limits,buttimecanhealevenbrokenness.Asit issaid,“timehealsallwounds,”evenifittakesdecades,andwecanbestrongerpeoplefor it. In cases where an ESTJ is dealing with an abusive past, the Memoryfunctioncanbeusedtomarkgrowthandtoseehowfartheyhavecome.

It’s important to remember that acceptance is not submitting to unhealthysituations.It’snotneedlesslyputtingupwithphysicalpain,abadrelationship,ora toxic context. Predicaments that can be changed should be changed.Acceptance is not endurance; it’s the opposite. It is ending the suffering thataccompanies resisting reality, but it does not involve seeking out a painfulreality.

ExercisePractice self-acceptance. When you notice that you are judging or ratingyourself,lookforatimeinyourpastthatmayhavepromptedthethought.Didthis criticismoriginally come from a parent? Is this self-criticism from a time

youbelievedyoufailedat something? Ifyouaremucholder thanyouwereattheoriginofthethought,istherewisdomyouhavenowthatchangeshowyouexperiencetheincitingevent?Didyoudothebestyoucouldatthetime?Whatconnections do you see now that you missed then? Can you forgive youryounger self? Does your younger self need forgiveness at all, or just a littleunderstanding? Focus on letting go of the pain and the belief that caused thejudgment.

ReflectionWhat’syourbiggestregret?Whathaveyoudonetomakeamendswithyourselforforgiveyourself?

CopilotGrowthMemory is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. It helpsyou, as an ESTJ, make better decisions based on solid information, and byconsideringtimelinesandtheimpactonotherpeople.

Here are some ways that an ESTJ can phrase questions using their Memoryprocess:

• Whatarethelong-termeffectsofthisdecision?

• Whatimpactwillthisdecisionhaveonmyselfaswellasotherpeople?

• AmImissingimportantdetails?

Memory encourages you to slow down, think through your plans, and havepatiencewiththeresults.Itrecommendsthatyoubemoderateinhabits,lookatthedetailsofaplan,andavoidjumpingtoconclusions.Withoutslowingdownenoughtoconsidertheexperiencesofyourselfandothers,youmayfindyourselfdissatisfied,withoutpersonalmeaningormeaningfulrelationships.

GrowingyourMemorycanbeachallengeforyouasanESTJ.Itcanfeellikeathreattolookinwardandfacepainfulexperiencesanduncomfortableemotions.There’safearthatthefurtherinwardyougo,thelesscontrolyouwillhave.Butifyouembracethismentalprocess,youwillhavetheopportunitytobereflectiveandimbuemeaningintoyourflurryofactivity.

MemoryalsoencouragesanESTJtoknowwhichdetailsmatter.Developingthisprocessgives theESTJ insight intowhat to focuson,andwhat isunnecessaryminutiae.

Tohelpdevelopthisfunction,startaskingyourself,“WhatamIactuallytryingtoaccomplish?”Spendtimeruminatingandthinkingthingsthrough,especiallyifyourdesireistojumptoaconclusion.

• Consultexpertsinthefieldtoseewhathasworkedorfailed.

• Ifyou’vealreadymadesimilardecisions,reflectonhowsuccessfultheywere.

• Checkinwithfamilymembersbeforeactinginawaythatimpactsthem.

• Besensitivetoanyoneunderyouinaprojectorworkenvironment.Getfeedbackontheirexperiencesandconsiderchangesthatcouldbemadeineveryone’sbestinterest.

• Slowdown,learnfrompastmistakes,behonestaboutwhichdetailsactuallymatter,andbethoughtfultowardallthepeopleinvolved.

ReflectionThetalentsMemorycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseMemoryare:

I’mgoingtodevelopMemorymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourMemoryprocesstoday:

TheESTJ10-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)Exploration users see patterns andmake connections. They figure outwhat ispossible,notsimplywhatisprobable.Explorationgetsustoaskquestionslike,“If we put these two things together, what would that make?”, “What’s acreativesolutiontothisproblem?”,“WhatamIseeingthateveryoneelseseemstobemissing?”,and“Whatif…?”

Innovating and finding fresh, new solutions to old problems is the name ofExploration’sgame.Asitmatures, itgetsbetteratknowingwhenit’sseeinga

patternorforcingideastogether.

ESTJscanlearnflexibilitywhenusingExploration.Whilegettingasolidplaninplaceandbeingpatientwithoutcomesispreferred,youcan’talwaysknowhowthingswillpanout.It’seasiertolookatthebigpictureandhavemorefuninlifeifyou’rewillingtodiversify,comeupwithcreativesolutions,andfosteropen-mindednesstonewpeople,places,andpossibilities.ESTJsknowthattheydon’thavetohavealltheanswers,andtheydon’talwayshavetoberightorincontrol.Bad habits should be acknowledged and changed, and uncertainty shouldaccepted.However,Explorationmaystrugglewithknowingwhentotrustitself.AnESTJmaybeunaware that theyare forming falsepatterns so theycan seewhattheywanttosee.

Asanextravertedfunction,ExplorationallowstheESTJtoaccessaperceivingprocesswhilestayingfocusedonexternalfeedback.Thiscanbeokayattimes,but if the ESTJ gets used to relying upon Exploration to support theirconclusions, they can rationalize skipping development of their MemoryCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForESTJs,thisusuallymanifestsasgettingabadreadonasituationandjumpingtoconclusions.

Exploration is, in a large part, about getting impressions beyondwhat can beimmediately sensedorperceived.Peoplewhohave it as a strengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheycanusuallyspotcreativesolutions.Butyou’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhenlookingatthesituationasitis,notasitcouldbe.

Ifyour10-Year-OldExplorationfunctiongetstoinfluenceyourthoughtprocess,it’s going to sort intricate information at a juvenile level—you’ll findyourselfjustifyingall sortsofbaddecisions.Especiallywhenyouare feelingdefensiveandthreatenedbybadfeedback,you’llendupinventingthingsthatdon’texistinordertoavoidself-doubt.AnotherwayExplorationcanmanifestitselfasa10-Year-Oldisbylookingforshortcuts, includingonesthatdon’tservetheESTJ.Anexamplewouldbechasinganunreliableopportunity,cheating,orotherwiserationalizinganyendstojustifythemeans.Youmaytellyourselfyoudon’thavethe time to vet everything, when really, you simply have not developed thecharacteristicofpatience.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoop

There are three ways an ESTJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheMemoryprocess.

Short-termloop.Thisimpulsive,sometimesdestructive,behaviormayonlylastfor a few moments up to a few days. Fleeing responsibility and feeling tieddown,theESTJmaybecomeoverindulgentwithdrinking,partying,orsubstanceabuse. Shutting off the inner voice that recommends caution, theymaymakeimpetuouslifedecisions.Ifthevoiceiscomingnotfromwithinbutfromanotherperson, the fun stops, and theESTJ can become angry, attempt to control thesituation,orsimplyendarelationship(orquitajob)thatfeelstoobinding.

Long-term loop. Unable to take responsibility for their own life choices, theESTJwillcastblameoutward,harshlyandcriticallyprojectingtheirdiscomfortonto other people, even those they do not personally know. They find cleverreasons to blame people for their own uncomfortable feelings, and take thepositionthattheirtroublesmustbecausedbyothers.Insteadoftakingthetimetofamiliarizethemselveswithnewpeople,places,andsituations,ESTJsdevelopprejudices, cast judgments, and manipulate information to justify harshconclusions.

Habitualloop.Possiblythemostchallenginglooptoovercome,theESTJmaytake shortcuts in business by chasing one opportunity after another, over-diversifying interests,orbygivingonlycursoryattention to importantmatters.Theymaytakeshortcutsinrelationshipsbyignoringthepeopleintheirlivesinfavor of forming bonds with TV-show characters, shallow acquaintances, orevenaffairsandflings.Forgettingtheanchorpointsoftheirpast,theESTJwon’tseem to learn lessons andwill repeat the samemistakes.Theymay get easilydistractedbynoveltyandpursueextravagantnewtoys tofeedagrowing inneremptiness.

ReflectionThewaysEffectivenessandExplorationcanloopinanESTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseExploration

Ifyoufindyourselfgettingimpulsive,castingblame,ortakingshortcuts,thatisa bad use of theExploration function. Tap into theMemory function and askyourself,“WhatamItryingtoaccomplish?”and“Dotheseactionsorjudgmentsprovidethelong-termconsequencesIwant?”

That said, if you’ve carefully accepted responsibility and measured outconsequences, and yourmind is still telling you that a refreshing change is inorder, thatwouldbethetimetolistenExploration.Its jobisn’t toprojectwhatyou want to believe onto the world; it’s meant to open you up to creativesolutionsandnewwaysofdoingthings.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingimpulsiveoravoidant.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyour typeoftenenjoyconversationwith friends,hostingparties,andentertaining others with their bigger-than-life personalities. You can useExploration to connect people with other people and opportunities you knowtheywouldlove.AndyoucanuseExplorationtohelpopenyourmindtoincludeothercultures,countries,andpeople.

TheESTJ3-Year-OldIsAuthenticity(Fi)Authenticity helps us get in touchwith our emotions and value systems. Thepreferredfunctionofmanyartistsandcounselors,theAuthenticityprocesshelpsusrecognizethateachpersonhastheirownsubjectiveexperiencethatshouldbehonored. Authenticity users often share the kaleidoscope of emotionalexperience, which can be difficult to express, though nonverbal forms ofexpression,andtryhardtostaytruetothemselves.

As a 3-Year-Old function, Authenticity for the ESTJ is a part of them thatwhispers from the shadows. Normally capable of ignoring their emotions infavor of productivity, suddenly the ESTJ will be overwhelmed by an intenseemotionalexperienceandadesiretobeunderstood.

There are three ways an ESTJ experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolof thecar.This ismost likelywhentheESTJavoidsdealingwiththeiremotionsoroffendstheirsenseofvalues.

Short-term grip. This grip surfaces when emotions become overwhelming.Typically preferring to ignore emotions, ESTJs can get hit with an emotionaltsunami when situations become too intense. Rage, despair, terror, or even apanicattackwillgrip theESTJ,whomaynothavedeveloped the resources tonavigatetheirwayoutofsuchanintenseemotionalexperience.

Long-termgrip.Alessintensegrip,insecuritycaninterrupttheESTJ’sabilityto confidently make decisions. It may be accompanied by self-doubt, evenhelplessness.Generallyuncomfortablewithsharing theiremotions, thegrippedESTJmay feel that nooneunderstands them,or that peoplemay lose faith inthemiftheirlackofself-confidencewererevealed.Unabletoconfideinothersandprocesstheiremotions,theygettrapped,leadingtomoreanxiety.TheESTJloses the clarity that usually accompanies their decisionmaking.Despite theiruncertainty, they may feel forced to take action, which may lead to badconsequences. This reinforces their fear of incompetence and perpetuates thecycleofinsecurity.

Habitual grip. The third experience of being in the grip shows up as self-sabotage.Unabletocommunicatethepainwithinthemandlackingtheresources

toaddressit,theESTJwillprojecttheirfeelingsontotheoutsideworldinalast,desperate attempt to understand their emotions. They may become passiveaggressive, biting, and hurtful. This is to mirror their own feelings of beingunappreciated, disrespected, and hurt. It’s not uncommon for this grip to beaccompaniedwithdysthymia, apersistentmild formofdepression, though theESTJmay not register it as depression. In this grip, the ESTJ has tomonitorthemselvesfordepressionastheywouldafriend,bylookingforthesigns:lowenergy, trouble getting out of bed, an unhealthy relationship with food, andcheerlessness.

HowtoBestUseAuthenticityThe best way to use Authenticity as a 3-Year-Old is to exercise it regularly,which will help prevent the grip from occurring. In this case, give yourselfpermissiontobeemotionallyself-indulgent.Eventhoughemotionalexpressionseemstime-consumingandimpractical,doitanyway.Startanartproject,write,make music, dance, or journal. Talk to a friend who is a good listener. Cry,laugh,emote,andexpress.

Give yourself a break from being productive and instead, be fully in yourexperience.If30minutesisn’tenoughtime,keepgoing.Consideritspelunkingintoyoursoul.Findintimacywithinyourself,gettoknowwhoyouare,andaskyourselfwhyyouvaluewhatyoudo.

Using Authenticity in this way can also be a source of aspiration. It canencourageESTJs tobecomegentleandkind, recognizing that eachpersonhasfeelingsandthattheyshouldmatter.Itallowsthemtoletgooffearofemotionalpainandwelcomearichhumanexperience.Ithelpsthemrecognizethatat theendoftheday,we’realljustpeopledoingourbest.

ReflectionThewaysAuthenticitycangripanESTJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

MyAuthenticity3-Year-Oldinspiresme/ismyaspirationintheseways:

CHAPTER21

ESFJPersonalityType

ESFJslovetoorchestratesharedpositiveexperienceswhereeveryoneisgettingalong.Theyhaveagenuineenergyandopennesstonewexperiencesthatattractspeoplearoundthem.

ESFJsgravitatetowardsituationswheretheycanhost,takecareof,orotherwisemeettheneedsofothers.Iftheybecomeoverwhelmedbytheneedsofpeople,theycanactuallybecomedetached“need-meeting”workerbees,devoidof thedeepconnectionstheycrave.However,honoringtraditionsandmakingspaceforothers’ unique quirks can be a stabilizing force forESFJs that allows them tocreatedeeperconnectionsandsharedexperiences.

Whenunbalanced,ESFJsmayappearwildoruncharacteristicallyerraticastheyseek relief from their overwhelming need-meeting behaviors. Thismight looklikeimpulsiveshopping,freneticordispersedenergy,last-minutetravelchoices,orattheirworst,actingoutofsyncwiththeircorevalues.

ESFJsshinewhentheyarethesocialhuboffriendsandfamily.Withmaturityand balance, taking care of loved ones and clients are not obligations, butmeaningfulexpressionsofhowtheylove.

TheESFJDriverIsHarmony(Fe)It’s important to remember that theDriverprocess is a talent, but that doesn’tmean every ESFJ will have the same skill level or use it in a healthy way.DevelopingHarmony as a healthy process is crucial to becoming an amazingESFJ.HarmonycanhelpanESFJidentifytheneedsofallpeople,includingtheself, and meet those needs; build healthy boundaries; and deeply understandsocialdynamicsandcontracts.

IdentifyNeeds

Fluctuatingemotionsareoften the first sign thatpeoplehaveunmetneeds.AnESFJmaybesotuned-inandsensitivetoemotionsthattheyfinditeasytohelppeoplefeelsafe,loved,andstable.Thiscanbeassimpleashostingapartyandmakingitlookeffortless,tobeingashoulderforagrievingfriendtocryon,tohelping your friends with complicated relationship issues. People who have

developed theirHarmonyprocessbecomesoskilledat this, theyoftenbecomethe go-to person in a time of crisis. Learning to be available to help meetpeople’s needs also helps you become extremely industrious and have lots ofunexpectedtalentsandskillsinavarietyofareas.

Makingsureyou’regettingyourneedsmetisequallyimportantas—ifnotmoreimportant than—meeting the needs of others. You can’t run on fumes all thetime,andyoucan’tbeofhelptoothersifyou’reperpetuallyexhausted.Expressunmet needs out loud. Avoid behavior like walking away if you’re unhappy,being silently disapproving, or only crying alone.When you are comfortableexpressing your emotions, you become a role model for others to expressthemselves,andyouarebetterabletohelpthemgettheirneedsmet.

ExerciseAskyourself,“Whatneedisgoingunmetforme?”Itcouldbealonetime,bettereatinghabits,moresleep,aconversationwithafriend,anightout,orjustsomepampering.Onceyouidentifyit,askyourselftheeasiestandfastestwaytogetthatneedmet.

ReflectionNameyourtopthreeneedsthatfrequentlygounmet.

Now, look at your schedule.What are youprioritizing that gets in thewayofthoseneedsbeingmet?Ifit’speopleyoucareabout,likeyourspouse,children,family, and friends, just remember that you can’t get to their needs if you’rerunningon fumes. Journal3 to5 ideas thatyoucanbegin implementing to fitthoseneedsintoyourweeklyschedule.

BuildHealthyBoundaries

Harmony is the process that is used to create and maintain unspoken socialcontracts.Contractsaredesigned forus toknoweachother’sexpectationsandhonor them(as longas theyareagreedupon). Ifyou,asanESFJ,don’tknowyour boundaries,Harmonywill encourage you to spend timewith people andexperience both acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Once you know yourboundaries,Harmonyhelpsyoucreatecontractsaroundthem.

Thatmeansyou’llhavetocommunicatethemtothepeopleinyourlife,makingsuretheyfullyunderstandandagreetoyourboundaries.Inamomentwhereyoufeel taken advantage of or thrown under a bus, ask yourself which of yourboundarieshasbeenbroken,andifitwasyouortheotherpersonthatbrokeit.

Bysettinguphealthyboundaries,youwillpreventmisunderstandingsandhonorthe limited resource that is your energy.When you give, youwill give out ofloveanddesire,notmerelyoutofobligation.

ReflectionFollowthejournalpromptbelowtobecomecleareraboutyourboundaries.Feelfree to repeat this journal prompt multiple times until you feel confident andauthenticabouttheboundariesyou’vediscoveredandset.Onceyou’vedoneso,share them with the three people who you feel closest to. If they areuncomfortablewithyournewboundaries,askifit’sbecausetheboundariesareunreasonable, or because they will change the relationship. Be sensitive toresistancetochangewhilestayingfirmwithyourrequirements.

Remember:Boundarysettingisaskill.Itmightbebumpyatfirst,butovertimeandwithsmallsuccesses,yourboundarieswillbecomeapartofyouridentity.

Namethree(ormore)thingsyouwouldliketoseemoreofinyourlife:

Namethree(ormore)behaviorsyouwillneverallowinyourlifeagain:

Iwouldliketostrengthentheboundariesintheseareasofmylife:

Icanimprovetheboundariesineachareaofmylifeby:

Ifsomeonecrossesaboundary,myplanistosay:

UnderstandSocialContractsUnderstanding unspoken social contracts means being able to know what’sexpected of yourself and others. This comes from a lifelong study of whatoffendsotherpeopleversuswhatmakesthemfeelcomfortable.

Thistypeofunderstandingisamajoradvantageinnewcircumstancesandwhenfirstmeetingpeople.You’reveryrarelygoingtosaythewrongthingoralienateothers. Infact,peopleofyour typeareoftenpopular ingroupsettingsbecauseyoucanhelpkeeptheconversationgoingwithoutoffendinganyoneor leavinganyoneout.

Mostimportantly,tappingintothespectrumofsocialcontractsremindsanESFJthat people have different values and needs. This opens them up to a bigger,broaderworld.CreatingrelationshipswithavarietyofpeopleremindstheESFJthateveryonehashadauniqueexperienceandmaycomewithfreshideasandrelevantperspectives.

ExerciseMake it your aim tomeetmany new people. Themore people youmeet, themoreopportunitiesyouhave tounderstand thecultures theycome from.Whatwastheirfamily’sculture?Whatareaofthecountryorworldaretheyfrom?DomisunderstandingsofculturegetinthewayofcreatingHarmony?Howcanyourincreasedunderstandingofotherpeopleandtheirfamilyorcountryhelpyoutokeeprelationshipsbetweenpeopleinsocialsettingscongenialandhappy?

ReflectionThewayIfeelaboutmeetingnewpeopleis:

If I experience any hesitancy aboutmeeting new people,what do I suspect isgoingonforme?

Iwillmeetonenewpersonthisweek.Afterward,IwillrecordtheconversationandwhatIlearnedfromithere:

SettingUptheRightConditions

TheenemyofHarmony is a critical spirit. Ifyou’re judgmentalofyourselforothers,Harmonyhasdifficultydoingwhatitdoesbest:craftingapositivesocialclimateandmeetingotherpeople’sneeds.

As your Driver, Harmony is your Flow state, and if you’re not using thisfunctionenough,you’lleventuallyrunoutofjuiceandbecomedepressed.Setupyour conditions to access thismental process often.Keep in touchwith lovedones and foster new relationships. Organize your space to be welcoming andwarm.

Address conflicthead-on. Itwill initially feel likeyou’re feeding theproblem,butdiscorddoesn’tgoawaybybeingneglected.All relationships face tensionandclashes; it’spartofhumandynamics.Ifyou’refrustratedthatpeopledon’tseem to be getting along, tap into the experience each person is having and

discover their individual unmet needs. If you’re involved in the conflict,rememberwhatyouknowabouteachpersonandbeasmindfuloftheirsituationaspossible.

ReflectionThetalentsHarmonycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseHarmonyare:

I’mgoingtodevelopHarmonymoreby:

Listthreeactivitiesthatputyouintoflow:

TheESFJCopilotIsMemory(Si)Without an introverted perceiving process, the ESFJ is not complete. Culturalexpectationscanbemistakenforapersonalidentity,andwithoutcheckingintoensure that individuals are taken into consideration, the ESFJ may becomejudgmentalandinvasive.

AnintrovertedperceivingprocessremindstheESFJtobepatientandrecognizethat longer timelines are always at play. It also helps them connect to theirsubjectiveexperience,peerintofuturepossibilities,speculateonoutcomes,andapplythisunderstandingtointeractionswithandonbehalfofotherpeople.

It’simportanttorememberthat, liketheDriver,theCopilotprocessisatalent.But thatdoesn’tmeaneveryESFJwillhave the sameskill leveloruse it inahealthyway.DevelopingMemoryasahealthyprocessiscrucialtobecominganamazingESFJ.

It can be difficult to actively develop an introverted function when one is anExtravert. Itwon’tbeasnaturalasworkingonHarmony, sodisciplineandaneyeontherichrewardsMemorywillbekey.

Reliable,Careful,andHonorsProcedureForpeoplewhouseMemoryasaCopilot,livinginanunpredictableorunstableenvironmentcarriesahugepenalty.Toavoidthiskindofenvironment,peopleofyour type are amazing at maintaining procedures and processes to minimizeinstability.Ifnoprocedureexists,Memoryiscompelledtofindone.

Memory users recognize the need for care and caution. There is no reason tomake repeated mistakes if a process is established to track them. It can be asimple aphorism to pass helpful knowledge from one generation to the next,suchas“Measuretwice,cutonce.”

It’s important for an ESFJ to develop patience and recognize long timelineswhen making decisions. Without the Memory function, an ESFJ mayunintentionally create chaos in their life by missing important details orbecomingunsettledandrestless.

ExerciseIdentifyareasinyourlifethatareunsafeorinviolationofestablishedstandards,particularly things that (if left by themselves) could become a problem in thefuture. Look to a trusted organization, community, or family culture to gaugewhatthestandardisandhowyoucancorrectit.Ifyou’reunsure,consultexpertsforguidanceonhowtocorrecttheissue.

ReflectionWhat areasofmy life am I letting turn into chaos? Is there a procedure I canimplementtoreestablishsanity?

Beingkindtomyself,I’mgoingtoaddressthischaosby:

HoldsRelationshipwithTradition

Memory users recognize how much each individual is influenced by theirexperiences.Theyalsounderstandtheimportanceofensuringthatmostofthosememoriesarepositive.Itisapleasuretocreatewonderfulmemoriesthatcanbereplayedandenjoyedforever.Forthisreason,it’scommonforMemoryuserstoenjoyholidays,familygatherings,andothertimeswhenlovedonesgettogetherformomentousoccasions.

Traditionscanalsobeusedforhealing.TraumathatisdifficulttoshakefromtheESFJ’smemorymayrequireahealingtradition.Forexample,whenalovedonedies,itmaybecomeanannualtraditiontogatherwithotherstotalkaboutthem,rememberthem,andpaytributebylivinglifefullyintheirhonor.

The more sophisticated Memory gets, the more it’s open to adopting newtraditions. This is important to remember, as Memory in its infancy may befearful of the unfamiliar. Changing one’s traditions—including beliefs andparadigms—mayfeeldisloyal toparentsandother trustedauthorities.Butas itmatures, Memory becomes a more adaptable function. It incorporates newexperiences into its identity, learning tobecomewhatever isappropriate to thecontext.

ExerciseConsider ways you can pass on the traditions of your family to the nextgeneration.Isthereatraditionyouinheritedthatcanbetaughttoyourchildren,nieces, or nephews? Do they understand the importance of it, and will theycontribute topassing itonafteryou’regone?Howcanyoumake the traditionmore enjoyable in away thatwill leave a lasting impression, helpmold theirexperience,andhelpthemwanttocarrythetorch?

ReflectionThetraditionthathashadthebiggestimpactonmeis:

ResilienceandAcceptanceIt’snot easy to accept things as theyare, butMemoryhas thegreatestnatural

talent for it, and therefore,Memory users demonstrate great resilience duringtrying situations. True acceptance includes letting go of judgment and blame(including of oneself) and instead addressing situations with tolerance andforgiveness. Memory meets unfair situations with fairness, and finds peacewithin.

An ESFJ will feel compelled to manage a situation, and without developingMemory, they may attempt to force an outcome or shoehorn a solution. Toacceptasituationmayfeellikedefeat,likelosingcontroloverthesituation.Butacceptanceisnotpassive,norisitcomplacent.It’sarecognitionofwhatcannotbechangedandcomingtotermswithitsimpactinone’slife.

Memory users naturally understand the passage of time. They register changealmostimmediatelyandknowhowpeopleareformedbytheirexperiences.Theygetthatwearewhowearebecauseofourpast.Trulytraumaticexperiencescanbreakpeoplepast their limits,buttimecanhealevenbrokenness.Asit issaid,“timehealsallwounds,”evenifittakesdecades,andwecanbestrongerpeoplefor it. In cases where an ESFJ is dealing with an abusive past, the Memoryfunctioncanbeusedtomarkgrowthandtoseehowfartheyhavecome.

It’s important to remember that acceptance is not submitting to unhealthysituations.It’snotneedlesslyputtingupwithphysicalpain,abadrelationship,ora toxic context. Predicaments that can be changed should be changed.Developing the Memory function helps an ESFJ gauge when to stay with asituationandwhenit’stimetograduatetosomethingelse.

ExercisePractice self-acceptance. When you notice that you are judging or ratingyourself,lookforatimeinyourpastthatmayhavepromptedthethought.Didthis criticismoriginally come from a parent? Is this self-criticism from a timeyoubelievedyoufailedat something? Ifyouaremucholder thanyouwereattheoriginofthethought,istherewisdomyouhavenowthatchangeshowyouexperiencetheincitingevent?Didyoudothebestyoucouldatthetime?Whatconnections do you now see that you missed then? Can you forgive youryounger self? Does your younger self need forgiveness at all, or just a littleunderstanding? Focus on letting go of the pain and the belief that caused the

judgment.

ReflectionWhat’syourbiggestregret?Whathaveyoudonetomakeamendswithyourselforforgiveyourself?

CopilotGrowth

Memory is the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. It helpsyou, as an ESFJ, make better decisions based on solid information, and byconsideringtimelinesandtheimpactonotherpeople.

Here are some ways that an ESFJ can phrase questions using their Memoryprocess:

• Whatarethelong-termeffectsofthisdecision?

• Whatimpactwillthisdecisionhaveonmyselfaswellasotherpeople?

• AmImissingimportantdetails?

Memory encouragesESFJs to slowdown, think through your plans, and havepatiencewiththeresults.Itrecommendsthatyoubemoderateinhabits,lookatthedetailsofaplan,andavoidjumpingtoconclusions.Withoutslowingdownenoughtoconsidertheexperiencesofyourselfandothers,youmayfindyourselfdissatisfied,withoutpersonalmeaningormeaningfulrelationships.

GrowingyourMemorycanbeachallengeforyouasanESFJ.Itcanfeellikeathreattolookinwardandfacepainfulexperiencesanduncomfortableemotions.There’safearthatthefurtherinwardyougo,thelesscontrolyouwillhave.Butifyouembracethismentalprocess,youwillhavetheopportunitytobereflectiveandimbuemeaningintoyourflurryofactivity.

MemoryalsoencouragesanESFJtoknowwhichdetailsmatter.Developingthisprocessgives theESFJ insight intowhat to focuson,andwhat isunnecessaryminutiae.

Tohelpdevelopthisfunction,startaskingyourself,“WhatamIactuallytryingtoaccomplish?”Spendtimeruminatingandthinkingthingsthrough,especiallyifyourdesireistojumptoaconclusion.

• Consultexpertsinthefieldtoseewhathasworkedorfailed.

• Ifyou’vealreadymadesimilardecisions,reflectonhowsuccessfultheywere.

• Checkinwithfamilymembersbeforeactinginawaythatimpactsthem.

• Besensitivetoanyoneunderyouinaprojectorworkenvironment.Getfeedbackontheirexperiencesandconsiderchangesthatcouldbemadeineveryone’sbestinterest.

• Slowdown,learnfrompastmistakes,behonestaboutwhichdetailsactuallymatter,andbethoughtfultowardallthepeopleinvolved.

ReflectionThetalentsMemorycangivemeare:

ThewaysIusuallyuseMemoryare:

I’mgoingtodevelopMemorymoreby:

ListthreewaysyoucanstartgrowingyourMemoryprocesstoday:

TheESFJ10-Year-OldIsExploration(Ne)Exploration users see patterns andmake connections. They figure outwhat ispossible,notsimplywhatisprobable.Explorationgetsustoaskquestionslike,“If we put these two things together, what would that make?”, “What’s acreativesolutiontothisproblem?”,“WhatamIseeingthateveryoneelseseemstobemissing?”,and“Whatif…?”

Innovating and finding fresh, new solutions to old problems is the name ofExploration’sgame.Asitmatures, itgetsbetteratknowingwhenit’sseeingapatternorforcingideastogether.

Asa10-Year-Oldprocess,Explorationmaystrugglewithknowingwhentotrustitself.AnESFJmaybeunawarethattheyareformingfalsepatternstoseewhatthey want to see, though they are generally better at using this function thanpeoplewhodonothaveitrepresentedintheirCar.

ESFJscanlearnflexibilitywhenusingExploration.Whilegettingasolidplaninplaceandbeingpatientwithoutcomesispreferred,youcan’talwaysknowhowthingswillpanout.It’seasiertolookatthebigpictureandhavemorefuninlife

ifyou’rewillingtodiversify,comeupwithcreativesolutions,andfosteropen-mindednesstonewpeople,places,andpossibilities.ESFJsknowtheydon’thavetohavealltheanswers,andtheydon’talwayshavetoberightorincontrol.Badhabits should be acknowledged and changed, and uncertainty should beaccepted.However,Explorationmaystrugglewithknowingwhentotrustitself.AnESFJmaybeunaware that theyare forming falsepatterns so theycan seewhattheywanttosee.

Asanextravertedfunction,ExplorationallowstheESFJtoaccessaperceivingprocesswhilestayingfocusedonexternalfeedback.Thiscanbeokayattimes,but if the ESFJ gets used to relying upon Exploration to support theirconclusions, they can rationalize skipping development of their MemoryCopilot.Andthat’swhenthetroublestarts.ForESFJs,thisusuallymanifestsasgettingabadreadonasituationandjumpingtoconclusions.

Exploration is, in a large part, about getting impressions beyondwhat can beimmediately sensedorperceived.Peoplewhohave it as a strengthareusuallyprettygoodatit,andtheycanusuallyspotcreativesolutions.Butyou’rewiredtobeatyourbestwhenlookingatthesituationasitis,notasitcouldbe.

Ifyour10-Year-OldExplorationfunctiongetstoinfluenceyourthoughtprocess,it’s going to sort intricate information at a juvenile level—you’ll findyourselfjustifyingall sortsofbaddecisions.Especiallywhenyouare feelingdefensiveandthreatenedbybadfeedback,you’llendupinventingthingsthatdon’texistinordertoavoidself-doubt.AnotherwayExplorationcanmanifestitselfasa10-Year-Oldisbylookingforshortcuts, includingonesthatdon’tservetheESFJ.Anexamplewouldbechasinganunreliableopportunity,cheating,orotherwiserationalizinganyendstojustifythemeans.Youmaytellyourselfyoudon’thavethe time to vet everything, when really, you simply have not developed thecharacteristicofpatience.

TheDriver/10-Year-OldLoopThere are three ways an ESFJ experiences the loop, the echo chamber–likerelationshipbetweentheDriverand10-Year-Oldfunctions.Thewaytogetoutofaloopisthesameinallcases:focusondevelopingtheMemoryprocess.

Short-termloop.Thisimpulsive,sometimesdestructive,behaviormayonlylastfor a few moments up to a few days. Fleeing responsibility and feeling tieddown,theESFJmaybecomeoverindulgentwithdrinking,partying,orsubstanceabuse. Shutting off the inner voice that recommends caution, theymaymakeimpetuouslifedecisions.Ifthevoiceiscomingnotfromwithinbutfromanotherperson, the fun stops, and theESFJ can become angry, attempt to control thesituation,createdrama,orsimplyendarelationship(orquitajob)thatfeelstoobinding.

Long-term loop. Unable to take responsibility for their own life choices, theESFJwillcastblameoutward,harshlyandcriticallyprojectingtheirdiscomfortonto other people, even those they do not personally know. They find cleverreasons to blame people for their own uncomfortable feelings, and take thepositionthattheirtroublesmustbecausedbyothers.Insteadoftakingthetimetofamiliarizethemselveswithnewpeople,places,andsituations,ESFJsdevelopprejudices, cast judgments, and manipulate information to justify harshconclusions.

Habitualloop.Possiblythemostchallenginglooptoovercome,theESFJmaybecome addicted to novelty through compulsive shopping, overspending onrestaurantsandother indulgences,chasingoneopportunityafteranother,orbygivingonlycursoryattention to importantmatters.Theymay take shortcuts inrelationshipsbyignoringthepeopleintheirlivesinfavorofformingbondswithTV show characters, shallow acquaintances, or even affairs and flings.Forgettingtheanchorpointsoftheirpast,theESFJwon’tseemtolearnlessonsandwillrepeatthesamemistakes.Unabletosatethegrowingemptinessinside,they inadvertently damage or destroy important relationships in favor oftemporalpleasures.

ReflectionThewaysHarmonyandExplorationcanloopinanESFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfloopingare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtoworkonbreakingmyloop(s)by:

HowtoBestUseExploration

Ifyoufindyourselfgettingimpulsive,castingblame,ortakingshortcuts,thatisa bad use of theExploration function. Tap into theMemory function and askyourself,“WhatamItryingtoaccomplish?”and“Dotheseactionsorjudgmentsprovidethelong-termconsequencesIwant?”

That said, if you’ve carefully accepted responsibility and measured outconsequences, and yourmind is still telling you that a refreshing change is inorder, thatwouldbethetimetolistenExploration.Its jobisn’t toprojectwhatyou want to believe onto the world; it’s meant to open you up to creativesolutionsandnewwaysofdoingthings.Justdon’tletitfoolyouintobecomingimpulsiveoravoidant.

You can also engage your 10-Year-Old in times of play, love, and intimacy.Peopleofyour typeoftenenjoyconversationwith friends,hostingparties,andentertaining others with their bigger-than-life personalities. You can useExploration to connect people with other people and opportunities you knowtheywouldlove.AndyoucanuseExplorationtohelpopenyourmindtoincludeothercultures,countries,andpeople.

TheESFJ3-Year-OldIsAccuracy(Ti)

Accuracy helps us solve problems and build skills. The preferred function ofmanyscientistsandmechanics,Accuracyusersprizedataandsystemsthinking.Oftencommunicatingdirectlyandwithradicalhonesty,Accuracyhelpspeoplerefineinformationbyremovingpersonalbiasandsocialpressure.

Asa3-Year-Oldfunction,AccuracyisthepartoftheESFJthatwhispersfromthe shadows. Normally capable of marginalizing information that appearsantisocial, suddenly the ESFJ will feel an overwhelming need to analyzethemselvesandothers,becomingcoldlydiagnostic.

There are three ways an ESFJ experiences the grip, the moments when theDriverprocessisstressedout,needsabreak,andgivesthe3-Year-Oldfunctioncontrolof thecar.This ismost likelywhenanESFJavoidsdealingwith theirthoughtsorexperiences,thusdevelopingcognitivedissonance.

Short-termgrip.When they are exhaustedby social expectations,ESFJswillresorttoextremecriticism.ForsomeESFJs,itwillbeself-criticism:Theymaybeat themselves up for believing themselves to be failures, unable to explaintheir ideas,orunlovableor intellectually inferior.Thenegativeself-talkcanberelentless and crippling. For other ESFJs, the criticism will focus on others,turning the blast outward in an icy barrier between themselves and those thatcouldhurtthem.

Long-termgrip.SomeESFJswillbecomedeceitful.Actinguncharacteristicallyself-centered,theESFJwillcreateafalsefront,allowingotherpeopletobelievewrongbutflatteringinformationaboutthem.Ifthesituationrequires, theESFJmay directly lie to keep up their image. In this grip, ESFJs self-justify andoverinflatetheircompetencetoboththemselvesandothers.

Habitualgrip.Inthemostsubtleanddifficulttypeofgriptodisrupt,theESFJrepressesallnegativeemotionswhenfacingthepublic.Theyfearotherswillseethem forwho they truly are—imperfect andunacceptable.By staying cheerfulandshowinghighmorale, theyareabovereproachandcanputoff the timeofreckoningaslongaspossible.Theymayoveranalyzerelationships,projecttheirinadequacies onto others, take credit for personal development they haven’tdone,andfeelitisunjustthatothersdon’thavetoworkashardtomaintaintheirlives.Unfairnessbecomesathemeintheirlives.

HowtoBestUseAccuracy

ThebestwaytouseAccuracyasa3-Year-Oldistoexerciseitregularly,whichwillhelppreventthegripfromoccurring.Inthiscase,giveyourselfpermissiontocheckoutoflifeforawhileanddoseriousself-care.Removeyourselffromrelationship and emotion management. Find a quiet space for reflection and“me”time.DoaSudokupuzzleorplaySolitaireorvideogames.

Thegoalistogiveyourselfabreakfromcaringabouttheneedsofothers.If30minutesisn’tenoughtime,keepgoing.Considergivingyourselfanentiredayofindependenceandself-direction,answeringtonoonebutyourself.

Accuracycanalsobeasourceofaspiration,thevoicethatwhispersinthebackof your mind. It can encourage ESFJs to pursue their own interests, findautonomy,andbeself-directed.ItalsoencouragesESFJstohaveconfidenceintheirintelligence,accumulatedknowledge,andabilitytoproblemsolve.

ReflectionThewaysAccuracycangripanESFJare:

ThewaysIfindmyselfbeinginthegripare(includebehaviorsandsituations):

I’mgoingtocontroltheprocessby:

My Accuracy 3-Year-Old inspires me/is my aspiration in these ways:

CHAPTER22

TheFIRMModel

Whatyouresistnotonlypersists,butwillgrowinsize.—CarlJung

Aswe’veestablished,yourpersonalitytypepinpointswhatyouareintrinsicallywiredtofocusonandwhatyou’rewiredtoignore.It’sthecostofspecialization:Noonehasenoughtimeintheirlifetobeexcellentateverything.

Lifeismadeupofattemptstobebalanced.Givingyourselfpermissiontonotbeallthingstoallpeopleisagreatfirststep.Butontheflipside,youcanalsofallinto the trapoffixatingonasingle thing.This tendencygenerallycomesfromattemptingtomeetahardwiredneed,andeachofthecognitivefunctionshasadifferent need or desire that theymay fixate upon. Though the influence of afixationissubtleandnotgenerallyconscious,afixationcanoverwhelmyouandderailyourlife.Youcanendupdestroyingrelationships,sabotagingcareers,andevencompromisingyourhealthtofeedthedeeperneedofthefixation.

A person’s specific fixation is usually determined by the Driver cognitivefunction.WhentheneedsoftheDriverprocessareperpetuallyleftunmet,itcanbecomeinsatiable.Likeaonce-starvingchildthatbecomesobesewhenfoodisnolongerscarce,theDrivercanfeelperpetuallymalnourishedandbuilddefensestrategiestocompensate,causingittobecomehyperinflatedlateron.

Thefurtherdowntherabbitholeoffixationanindividualgoes,themorelikelythey are to experience the Driver/10-Year-Old loop. Sometimes theidentification with their 10-Year-Old process is so strong they mistakenlyexperienceitastheirDriverprocessandendupwithaconfusingmistype.

FIRMstandsforFreedom,Invulnerability,Rightness,andManagement,thefourthings we’re all fundamentally trying to create in our lives in a healthy orunhealthyway.DependinguponyourDriverandyourpersonalitytype,youcanbecome fixatedonanyof those fourcomponents.These trendsareestablishedbythedichotomiesofExtraversion/IntroversionandJudging/Perceiving.

Ifyoudon’tcometotermswiththecontrolyourspecificfixationhasoveryou,youcanbecomeanincreasinglyworseversionofyourself,crawlingdeeperintoa rut of unmet desire. This is why understanding your FIRM fixation helpsbridgethegapbetweenhowyou’rewiredandwhyyoutaketheactionsyoudo.

Ofcourse,outofourgreatestchallengescomeourgreateststrengths.WhenyouhavemasteryoveryourFIRMorientation,itnolongercontrolsyou;youcontrolit.Youcanseparatethebehaviorsfromthefixationandutilizeanyskillsyou’vedevelopedinmorehealthy,appropriateways.

FindYourFixationThe first and last functions in your cognitive function stack can help youdetermineyourfixation.

Dependinguponyourtype,youwillhaveanunconsciousfixationonaspecificdesire.Mostof the time,youcanquiet this fixationbysaying toyourself“It’sgoing to be okay, I’ve got this.” But if for some reason you can’t—circumstances,poorfunctiondevelopment,poorhealth,oranxiety—thedesireswillbecomemoreinsistent.Youmaybecomerelentlessaboutgettingthisdesiremet.

Freedom

ExtravertedPerceiversmaybecomefixatedonFreedom,andinitslesshealthystate,unfettered freedom.This is the idea thatyoucandowhateveryouwant,wheneveryouwant.Unfettered freedom is unrealistic, butEPsmayact out inself-destructiveways to try toobtain it.Themoreself-destructiveandcavalierthepath,thelessfreedomtheyultimatelyexperience,astheyarechainedtotheconsequencesoftheirownactions.

InvulnerabilityIntroverted Judgers may become fixated on Invulnerability, and in its leasthealthystate,impenetrableinvulnerability.Theyaimtoalwaysbesafe,inastatewhere nothing could possibly touch them. This is an idealistic fantasy, but itpointstotheiractualfearofbeingfundamentallyvulnerable.

Rightness

IntrovertedPerceiversmaybecomefixatedonRightness,andinitslesshealthystate, inarguablerightness.Their ideal isfor theirdecisions,feelings,andlogictoneverbequestioned.Nomatterwhat, theywant tobe right.This, too, isanunrealisticgoalthatpointstotheirultimatefearofself-doubt.

Management

ExtravertedJudgersmaybecomefixatedongainingManagement(control),andinitslesshealthystate,totalmanagementofasituation.Theyseekarolewheretheycanbetotallyincharge.Theunderlyingfearthatimpelsthisbehaviorhastwo sides. First, they fear that without their involvement everything wouldcollapse,puttinggreatburdenuponthem;andsecond,theyfearthatthey’renotactually needed at all, and so they must reinforce their value by creating asystemthatcannotrunwithoutthem.

PersonalityFixations

Eachcognitivefunctionhaslimitations.That’swhyyouneedmorethanonetobe a complete person. When you over-identify with your Driver process,however, these limitations make themselves known. The life you build tofrequentlyengageyourDriverfunctioncanturnself-indulgentifyou’renotalsogiving attention to the other functions in your Car. When this happens, theDriverbecomessensitiveaboutwhatitperceivesas“attacks,”whichareusuallyjustexpressionsoftheDriver’sinherentlimitations.

LearningPointPauseNamethecorefearsandfixationsforeachdichotomy.

EP’s core fear:____________________________________________________________________________________________

EP’s core fixation:_________________________________________________________________________________________

IJ’s core fear:_____________________________________________________________________________________________

IJ’s core fixation:__________________________________________________________________________________________

IP’s core fear:_____________________________________________________________________________________________

IP’s core fixation:__________________________________________________________________________________________

EJ’s core fear:____________________________________________________________________________________________

EJ’s core fixation:_________________________________________________________________________________________

EPsandFreedom

ExtravertedSensing(Sensation)andExtravertedIntuition(Exploration)arebothextraverted perceiving functions. People with these traits want to learn,experience, and engage. If circumstances limit an EP’s ability to utilize theirDriverprocess,itcanfeellikebeinghandcuffedorimprisoned.WhileeachEPexperiencesthisalittledifferentlydependingonwhichDriverthey’reusingandwhichCopilotthey’repairedwith,thereisalwaysafeelingthatothersmaylimittheEPfromdoingwhattheywanttodo.

EPsareusuallyhighlyenergeticchildren,butwhentheygrowup,theymaybetoldtosettledownandbequietonaregularbasis.Trainingtobemoresociallyacceptabletotheworldofadultscanfeelliketorture,andtheEPstartstocreatestrategiestofeedtheircuriosityandadrenaline-seekingbehaviors.Astheyage,they find that the easiest way to be free is to simply avoid people andcircumstancesthattrytolimitthem.

EachEPbecomesfixatedonaslightlydifferentvariationofFreedom,thoughifyou’reanEP,youwillmostlikelyidentifywithallfourversions.

• ESTPswantfreedomofmovement,orfullphysicalsovereignty.

• ESFPswantthefreedomtoplayandpursuepleasure.

• ENTPswantfreedomofthought,withoutsocialpressuretoconform.

• ENFPsdesirethefreedomtoperformandexpressthemselveswithoutconstraint.

Inallcases,thefixationandresultingstrategiesaretheretoprotecttheinterestsof theDriver process. If the EP senses that theirDriver function is becomingobstructed, they become protective, and their freedom-seeking strategies mayactually trap themin theirownformofprison.Forexample,ESFPsmayharmtheirbodiesbyeatingordrinkingwhatever theywant, resulting in aprisonofpoorhealth.OranESTPmaymakecavalier,consequence-bearingdecisionsinthenameofsovereignty.AnENTPmayloudlyspoutpersonalpositionswithoutpropervettingorrespectforothers’opinions,affectingtheirrelationships.AndanENFPmay jumpfromonesituation toanother,undermining theirability tocreatealifeofexpressionbysabotagingtheirownstability.

IJsandInvulnerability

IntrovertedSensing(Memory)andIntrovertedIntuition(Perspectives)arebothintrovertedperceiving functions.Thatmeans information is taken in andpost-processed.IfanIJwasn’ttaughtinchildhoodhowtofilterinformation,theywillindiscriminately absorb what they hear and experience. Things that areextremely painful will be brought inside to be contemplated and figured outlater, and the exercise of post-processing can be agonizing. Some experiencesfeellikeabullinthechinashopoftheIJ’sinnerterrain,andtheIJwillcreateanarrativethattheyarevulnerabletoanythingandeverything.Insteadofcreatingstrategies formanagingandworking throughpain, theywilldevelopstrategiesfor never feeling pain.And in the place of thoughtful boundaries, barriers arecreatedwithuncompromisinggatekeepers.

Each IJ has a slightly different variation of Invulnerability upon which theybecomefixated,thoughifyou’reanIJ,youwill,tosomeextent,identifywithallfourversions.

• ISFJswantinvulnerabilityfromconflict.

• ISTJswantinvulnerabilityfromfeelings.

• INTJswantinvulnerabilityfrombeingcontrolled.

• INFJsdesireinvulnerabilityfromotherpeople’semotionalpain.

Inallcases,thefixationandresultingstrategiesaretheretoprotecttheinterestsof the Driver process. If the IJ senses that their Driver function is beingaggravated, the protective strategies they implement may actually do theoppositeandmakethemmorevulnerable.Forexample,anISFJmaykeeptheirpersonalexpressionsobottledupthattheirlackoftransparencyleadstotheveryconflicttheywantedtoavoid.OranISTJmayfindthemselvesatthemercyofemotionslongsuppressedandhidden,metastasizingfromwithin.AnINTJcanfind themselvesdealingwith loneliness,unwilling tomeetothershalfway in arelationship, for fear of being controlled by their own deep-down sympatheticnature.AndanINFJmayfeelcompletelyexposediftheprotectivewallthey’veconstructedisbreachedthroughillness,stress,oremotionaloverload.

IPsandRightness

IntrovertedThinking(Accuracy)andIntrovertedFeeling(Authenticity)arebothintrovertedjudgingfunctions.Theirpurposeistoevaluatetheworthormeritofinformation, but they do so subjectively,with internalmetrics. It’s sometimesdifficult for them to explain why something makes sense or is felt strongly,especially if there’s nothing in the outsideworld to point to as evidence.Andthere’snoreasonanotherpersonshouldbepersuadedbytheIP’sconclusionsifthereisn’tsomeformofproof.

ThisisaconundrumforIPsthroughouttheirentirelives.Iftheydon’tdevelopthe ability to “show their work,” so to speak, they may find themselvesperpetuallyfeelingdefensiveabouttheirconclusions.Thiscanbecomenotonlyfatiguing, but crushing.When people question them, it marginalizes not onlytheirDriverprocess,buttheirveryidentity.Inanefforttostaveoffthisfeeling,thesimpleststrategyistoclaimthattheyarerightandeveryoneelseiswrong.

EachIPhasaslightlydifferentvariationofRightnessuponwhichtheybecomefixated, though if you’re an IP, youwill to some extent identifywith all fourversions.ThinkofRightnessasmoralor intellectualhighground,unabletobequestioned.

• ISFPswantblamelessness.

• ISTPswantcompetence.

• INTPswantrightnessoflogic.

• INFPswantrightnessintheirethicalposition.

Inallcases,thefixationandresultingstrategiesaretheretoprotecttheinterestsof the Driver process. If the IP senses that their Driver function is beingquestioned,theybecomeprotective,andtheirinabilitytoreceivefeedbackfromothers can result in their beingwrong.For example, an ISFPwhocannot takeresponsibilityfortheirownactionsmayneverbeabletogettheirlifetogether.AnISTPwithoutconstructivecriticismwillbecomeincompetent.AnINTPwhoiscertain that their logicoutclassesallothersmaymissan imperativepieceof

informationjustoutsidetheirframework,andanINFPmaylosetheethicalhighgroundwhentheirconvictioncausesthemtojustifybadbehavior.

EJsandManagementExtraverted Thinking (Effectiveness) and Extraverted Feeling (Harmony) areboth extraverted judging functions. Their purpose is to evaluate the worth ormerit of information based onwhat they see play out in theworld.While thecriteria of Effectiveness (what works) andHarmony (whatmeets the needs ofothers) are different, they share the sentiment that how people should beperforming is obvious, whether that is following societal structure or adoptedroles. If anEJ is raised in a context that affords them little tono control overtheirenvironment,andworse,causesthempain,theEJmaystarttothinkotherpeoplearen’tqualifiedtogoverntheirsurroundings.ThemorefearanEJhasofthe general incompetence of others, the more they’ll become fixated onManagement to ensure they’re not on the receiving end of other people’sineptitude.

EJsknowtherearethingstodo,andtheythinkthattheyarethemostqualifiedtogetthemdone.Theyoftenseekleadership,andthecompulsiontobeinchargecangroworganically.ButiftheEJhashadtocompensateforpeoplewhoweremeant to take care of them, like parents, they can get the sense that withoutthem,everythingwouldcollapse.Theybecomeincreasinglyoverbearing.

Each EJ has a slightly different variation of Management upon which theybecomefixated,thoughifyou’reanEJ,youwilltosomeextentidentifywithallfourversions.ThinkofManagementas theneed todictate theoutcome,eitherbycontrolormanipulation.

• ESFJswanttomanagepeople’srelationships.

• ESTJswantmanagementoftheschedule.

• ENTJswantmanagementofresources.

• ENFJswantmanagementofpeople’semotionalexperience.

Inallcases,thefixationandresultingstrategiesaretheretoprotecttheinterestsof theDriver process. If the EJ senses that their Driver function is becomingobstructed, they become protective, and their need for control may actuallycause them to lose influence over a situation. For example, an ESFJ who iscertain that twopeople need to benice to eachother at a family reunionmayunintentionallycauseagreaterrift.AnESTJwhoalwaysinsistsontheirtimelinemaylosetheattentionofotherswhoneedmorewiggleroom.AnENTJunableto see people asmore than resourcesmay lose themaltogether.And anENFJorchestrating everyone’s emotional experiencemay appear judgmental, furtheraddingfiretoahostilesituation.

ReflectionWhichfixationdoyouidentifywithmost?

Whatfeardoyouidentifywithmost?

WhatIfYouDon’tIdentifywithYourType’sFixation?Becoming fixated on an element of the FIRMmodel is usually the result oftrauma from which you have not healed. Trauma is generally experiencedthrough your primary lens for understanding theworld—theDriver process—andaFIRMfixationisanearlystrategyyoumayhavedevelopedtoprotectthatfunction.Youmaynothavetraumathatstillneedshealing,oralternatively,youmaybefullyinyourfixationbutblindtoitsgriponyou.

It’simportanttorememberthatthisisn’tadiagnostictool,meaningyourFIRM

fixation doesn’t dictate your type, and your type doesn’t dictate your FIRMfixation. That said, there are trends in how FIRM shows up based upon eachcognitive function’s natural tendencies and patterns in how they like to beprotected. For example, the desire to be inarguably right is an understandableresultofconstantquestioning,butnotallIPsdevelopthatdesire.Thatsaid,it’sacommondesireforthemtodevelop,sobeawarethismaybehappeningwithoutyourrealizingit.

WhatIfYouIdentifywithaFIRMFixationofaDifferentType?This actually happens quite often.A FIRM fixation is primarily based on ourrelationship with our cognitive functions. As mentioned earlier, you may becaught ina loopwhereyoubecomehyper-focusedon therelationshipbetweenyourDriverand10-Year-Oldprocesses.Insuchcases, it’scommontoidentifywiththeFIRMfixationthatwouldappealtothe10-Year-Old.Forexample,anISTJ who can’t stand being wrong is most likely in a low-grade loop andprotectingthe10-Year-OldAuthenticityinadditiontotheDriver,Memory.AnENFJ who avoids making commitments may be protecting their 10-Year-OldSensation.

YoucanalsoidentifywiththeFIRMfixationofyour3-Year-Oldprocess.Whenwe’re in thegripofour3-Year-Oldprocess, itcan indicatesignificant trauma,which can lead to a FIRM fixation. The most fragile parts of us are,unfortunately, themost likely to harbor pain and trauma, because they are theeasiesttoignoreforgreatlengthsoftime.Wedon’tcalluponthemforouradultfunctions, or put them throughmany stress tests. They become the unwittingharbormastersofourdeepestpain,despitebeingtheleastqualifiedpartsofustohandleit.

If your FIRM fixationmatches the types that have your 3-Year-Old cognitivefunctionastheirDriver,thatcanspellrealtrouble.AnESTJwhoisunabletobewrongabout anythingmayneed to comb theirpast forwhen their3-Year-OldAuthenticityprocesswasthreatened,hurt,orabused.Forexample,iftheywererepeatedlytoldtheywereabadpersonorhadabadmotive,theymaybeshuttingoff anyouter-world feedback thatwouldquestion their identity.An ISFPwho

needstohavecontroloverhoweverythingisdonemaybeinthesameposition,butwiththeir3-Year-OldEffectivenessprocess.Iftheyweresexuallyabusedasachildandfeltcompletelyoutofcontrolinthesituation,theirunconsciousmaybedrivenbythethoughtof“thatwillneverbeallowedtohappenagain.”

When we’re fixated on the 10-Year-Old or 3-Year-Old functions, we’re stilltryingtoprotecttheDriver.IntheexampleoftheabusedISFP,forexample,theneed to control all situations is an attempt to prevent a situation thatwas toomuchfortheirAuthenticityDriverfunctiontoprocess.

Do we ever become fixated on the Copilot? This is less likely to happen, asfocusontheCopilotisgenerallythepathtogrowth.ButwecanmasterasingleelementoftheCopilottogetbyinlifeandturnitintoaone-trickpony.AnINFJwhoisfixatedonmanagingtheemotionalexperienceofothershasdiscoveredamethodofavoiding ickyemotions theywouldotherwiseabsorb,asopposed todeveloping healthy conflict resolution or building appropriate boundaries. AnINTP fixated onFreedommay simply be avoiding situationswhere they’ll bequestioned,learningthatifyoudon’tstayinoneplacetoolong,youneverhaveto face your logical fallacies. The universe doesn’t have time to mirror thembacktoyou.

Of course, because there are many different experiences of trauma, pain, orabuse,therearemanystylesofstrategies.Andnotallofthemaretype-related.But if you are experiencing any of these fixations, it’s good to know theiretymology,andtohavelanguageforhowtheymanifest.

Andevenifyou’renotfullyfixated,there’sstillgoingtobealittlebitofeachoftheseinsideofyou.There’saspectrumrepresentedintheFIRMmodel.Itcanbesomething that completely controls your behavior and outlook on life, orsomething that pops up in your mental real estate from time to time. Simplybeing aware ofwhere you tend to fall in the FIRMmodel andwatching yourbehaviorcanhelpyouovercomethepoweroffixation.

ReflectionThinkofa storyaboutwhenyouwere immersed ina fixationor fear thatyouidentifiedearly:

Howdidyourfixationhelpyou?

What would happen if you didn’t rely on your fixation strategy in the storyabove?

Brainstormfivewaysyoucouldapproachthesamesituationwithoutaccessingyourfixation.

Conclusion:ThePathForward

Totrulyknowwhoweareandbecomethebestversionofourselves,it isvitalthatwe learn tounderstandourown sovereigntyand takecontrolofourselvesand our growth. To do this, there are three essential steps: awareness,permission,anddevelopment.

ThinkofYourselfasaSovereignPersonPersonalsovereigntyistheauthorityanindividualhastogoverntheirownideas,values,beliefs,andactions.

Whilewearenotalwaysable tochooseourcircumstances,wecanchooseourrelationshipwiththosecircumstances.Wecanalterhowwefeelandthinkaboutthem,andnoticewhenopportunitiesforchangepresentthemselves.Sometimeswe wait for those opportunities; other times, we take action to express ourdesires.Andstillothertimes,werecognizethatwedon’treallywantchange,asin the case of a sullen teenagerwhowishes she had different parents, only togrowupanddeterminethattheywerethebestparentsforher.

Ashumans,we aremeaningmakers.There aremany storieshumans tell eachother to represent reality. It’s easy to adopt the worldview of our parents,teachers, influencers,andsocieties,as theirnarrativesarefrequentlyreinforcedinourlives.Butwearemostempoweredwhenwetakecontrolofthestorieswetellaboutourselvesandhowtheworldworks.

TheItalianfilmLife isBeautiful isastoryofaJewishItalianbookshopownerwho taps into the sovereignty of his imagination to shield his son from thehorrorsofinternmentinaNaziconcentrationcamp.Thoughtheirouterworldisbeing dictated to them by an authoritarian and oppressive system, the fatherdecidestotakecontrolofthenarrativeandreinterpretitasagameforhisyoungson.Inthisway,heisexhibitingsovereigntyoverhisinterpretationofaterrible

reality.

You, too,havemore sovereigntyover the self thanyoumayacknowledge.Aschildren,we look to systems outside ourselves to change so thatwe can havemore agency.But aswegrow intomaturity,we realize change startswith theself.Itisfromwithinthattheouterworldcanbeadjusted.

There is no board of directors or council of wise elders planning andorchestratingyourlifeforyou.Youcanclaimsovereigntyandtheresponsibilitythatcomesalongwithit.Yougettodefineyourlife’smeaningforyourself.

FindAccessPointstoBecomeWhoYouWereMeanttoBeThere aremany access points to finding ourselves.We recommend exploringyourselfbeyondtypologytoincorporateegotranscendencework,skillbuilding,expression, experiences, self-reflection, community, meditation, relationships,your parenting style, and overcoming challenges. However, we find typologyandpersonalitytypestobeexcellenttoolsforpersonaldevelopment.Theyallowus tomapout howwe think.Amap allowsus to chart a courseof growth. Itgivesusaplacetostart.

Asyou’veseeninthepagesofthisbook,thereisalottounderstandinghowourmindsarewired.Whilesomeelementsofpersonalityarehardwiredandcannotbechanged,theonethingthatremainsplasticisourabilitytogrowandstriveforexcellence.

Obviously,youcan’tbedistilleddown tooneoutof sixteen typesofhumans.That’s ridiculous; there are about seven billion unique personalities on theplanet.And,ofcourse,yourexperienceasthepersonalitytypethatresonatesthestrongest with you is unique. You have your own stories of what that typemeans,andofwhatrelationshipyouwillformwithyourpersonalitytype.Usingtypologyishelpfulifitempowersyouandaddstoyoursenseofsovereignty.

ChangetheWorldbyLovingandDeveloping

YourselfOf course, action is required to change theworld. Loving yourself and takingactionimpactstheworldaroundyou.Andwhenyouaresecureinwhoyouare,magiccanhappen.Youareateaseinlife.Youbegintolivethelifeyoudesire.It’s almost as if that ideal life was right beneath the surface the whole time.Before,youwerelivinginitsphotonegative,itsshadow.

Wesee threebasicstepson thepath to the idealself:awarenessofdifference,permissionforauthenticity,andself-development.

Step1:AwarenessofDifferenceWehaveahumantendencytoovervalueourindividualexperiences.Weassumeourstrengthsareeveryone’sstrengths,andthatourblindspotsareshared.Thisiswhy it is important for you to be aware that you arewired differently thanothersare.

It’sanawakeningexperiencetorealizewhyyouthink,feel,andactthewayyoudo. Most people feel a deep sense of relief when their view of the world isvalidated. Some enjoy learning typology to hone the skill of interacting withtheirfellowhumans.Nomatterthereason,feelingvalidatedinyourperspectiveallowsyoutoaccessthenextstageofpersonalitydevelopment.

Step2:PermissionforAuthenticityWhen you fully accept yourself as you are, the next step is to give yourselfpermission to be your authentic self. This permission is powerful, and no onecangrantitbutyou.Onceyougiveyourselfpermissiontobeauthentic,youwillhavetheenergyandresolvetomakeimportantandpositivechangesinyourlife.Thesechangescanaffectallareasofyourlife:career,family,relationships,andhealth.

Whenyouacceptyourselfandactauthentically,youunconsciouslygivethatgiftto others as well. If you cannot allow others to be themselves without theirhavingtochangesomething,thenyouhavenotfullygiventhisgifttoyourself.

This is why typology is so incredibly helpful for personal development. Itcreatescleardistinctionsbetweenstrengthsandweaknesses.Wehavelanguageforhowwe’redifferentfromothers,andwecanacknowledgethatweareneitherholistically superior nor inferior to others.We can just be, without having toperpetuallyproveourworthorhideourweaknesses.

Andwhenanotherpersonpointsoutadeficiency inour thinking,wecan spotthe difference between objective feedback and that other person’s subjectiveexperience. Eventually, we can even get to a place where we realize that allfeedbackhasbothobjectiveand subjectivecomponents.Whenour egosaren’trushingtoourdefense,wecanslowdownandreallythinkaboutotherpeople’sperspectives.Webecomesmarterforit.

Step3:Self-DevelopmentYouaretheonlyonewhocandevelopyourself.Focusingonbuildingskillsandgrowing your Copilot process is the best action we can recommend for yourpersonalgrowthjourney.Bothofus,aswellasmanyofourclientsandstudents,havebenefitedfromintentionallygrowingourCopilotfunctions.

Bewarned,ittakeswork.Sometimesittakeshard,gruelingwork.Youwillhavetofacethingsaboutyourselfthatwillchallengewhoyouare,howyouthink,andwhatyoudo.Youmaybefacedwithbigchoicesthatcouldchangethedirectionofyourlifeforever.Consciouslychoosingachallenginggrowthpathforgesyouintothepersonyouweremeanttobe.

Becarefulnottoconfuseunderstandingwithgrowth.It’seasytogetcaughtupinthefascinationofhowthe“systemofyou”works.Typologiesaremodelsthatcan be understood at their base level and at the same time can be endlesslyexpandedupon.But theattentionpeopleapplyto typologymodels likeMyers-Briggs can simulate actual personal growth, seducing you to think, “If I justunderstandeverynookandcrannyofwhoIam,that’spersonalgrowth!”Thisisnot true. First, you will not live long enough to understand every nook andcranny of who you are. Second, awareness is the first step, but it must becoupledwiththoughtfulgoals,thedisciplinetoreachthosegoals,andasenseofpersonalresponsibility.

It’sokaytodivedeepintotypologysystems,aslongasyouusewhatyoulearnforrealadvancement.Theworkhappenswhenyouchangeyourbehaviorsandstrategies, rather than simply learning endlessly about how you’rewired.Andtherealworkmanifestswhenyouletgoofyourdefensemechanismsandyouregoattachment.

So get to know yourself. Find your personality map. Be honest about yourauthenticdesires anddreams.Get toknowyour true identity.Find thegrowthpath forward. Ifyou’reunsureofwhat todo, trustyourgutand try somethingnew.

If all people on the planetwere able to accept themselves, accept others, andtranscendtheiregos,wecouldgraduatefromtheconflictsthatwasteenormousamounts of resources to the real enjoyment of evolving and connecting ashumanity.Wemightevenbeabletocatchuptoourowntechnologicalcreations.If we can continue to calibrate the trajectory of humanity by being personalexamples,maybeinthefuture,we’llreachthatpoint.

Let’sgochange theworld togetherandcreate theamazing livesandworldwedreamabout.

Appendix

DiscoveringyourMyers-BriggsTypeUsetheanalysistoolonthefollowingpagestodiscoveryourMyers-Briggstype,whichwillhelpyoufilloutyourCarModelandusetheinformationinthisbook.Hereareacoupletipstohelpyouanswerthequestions:• Theassessmentisallaboutpreference,sothereareNOrightorwronganswers.

• Theassessmentisdesignedtofindyournaturaltalents,sochoosetheanswersthatcomeclosesttohowyouarenaturally.

• Withsomequestions,youmayfeelthatneitheranswerisaccurateforyou.That’sOK;justchoosetheanswerthatcomesclosest.

• Withsomequestions,youmayfeelthatbothanswersapplytoyou.That’soktoo.JustchoosetheanswerthatappliesMORE,evenifit’sonlyslightlymore.

• Testlikestheseareguidesandstartingplaces.Ifyoureadatypedescriptionearlierinthebookthatfitsyoubetter,thatmaybeyourbest-fittype.

Itshouldtakelessthan20minutestocompletetheassessment.Havefun!

1. MyfriendssaythatIam...

A.Easytoreadandgettoknow B.Somewhatprivate,anddifficulttoread2. Ivalue...

A.Realismandcommonsense B. Innovationand imagination3. Ienjoyreceiving...

A. Respect more than appreciation B. Appreciation more than

respect4. IammostcomfortablewhenIcanbe...

A. Prepared B. Spontaneous 5. When I meet someone new, Iusually...

A. Do most of the talking B. Do most of the listening 6. Whileknowingthateveryoneisauniqueindividual,deepdownIfeel...

A. Like I am basically the same as most people B. Like there issomething different about me, compared to most people 7. Anargumentwithfeeling...

A.Hasmoreeffectonmethanacold,rationalone B.Hasthesameor less effect on me than a cold, rational one 8. I get a lot ofsatisfactionfrom...

A.Finishingprojects B.Startingprojects9. Peoplewoulddescribemeas...

A.Outgoing B.Reserved10. Itisbettertobe...

A.Practical B.Inventive11. Ihavestronger...

A.Socialskills B.Analyticalskills12. Iammoreofa...

A.Planner B.Improviser13. IthinkbestwhenIcan...

A. Bounce my ideas off of someone else B. Work out my ideasinternallybeforeIsharethemwithothers14. Iliketo...

A.Use and refine existing skills B. Pickupnew skills—I cangetbored once a skill is mastered 15. For me, it is more interesting toknow...

A. How people feel B. How people think 16. At work I wouldrather...

A.Followaplan B.Gowiththeflow17. Iusually...

A.Actfirst,andthinkwhileIamacting B.Thinkfirst,beforeacting18. Iamdrawnto...

A.Therealistic B.Thesurrealistic19. Itismoreimportanttobe...

A.Tactful B.Truthful20. Iammostcomfortablewhen...

A.Thingsaresettledanddecided B.Myoptionsareopen21. Askmeaquestion,andIwillusually...

A.Starttalkingtocomeupwithananswer B.Takethetimetoforman answer in my head before I respond 22. I am usually moreabsorbedin...

A. Things I can see, hear, feel, taste, or touch B.My daydreams,thoughts,andimagination23. Itendtovalue...

A. Compassionmore than competence B. Competencemore thancompassion24. Iamsometimesaccusedofbeingtoo...

A.Rigid B.Wishy-washy25. Itismoredifficultformetobe...

A.Quiet B.Loud26. Isolveproblemsby...

A.GroundingmyselfinthefactsuntilIunderstandtheproblem B.Jumping between different ideas, possibilities, and perspectives27. Wheninteractingwithothers...

A.Iamfriendlyandhavedifficultyremainingbusinesslike B.Iamusuallybriefandbusinesslike28. Itrythings...

A. That I am reasonably sure will work B. Just to see what willhappen29. Italkaboutthethingsmostimportanttome...

A.Wheneverthesubjectcomesup B.OnlywiththoseItrust30. Ithinkrulesandregulationsare...

A. Necessary B. Necessary for other people 31. I make mostdecisions...

A.Guidedbymyfeelings B.Basedonlogicandfacts32. Iusuallyprefertowork...

A.Atasteadypace B.Inbursts33. IfIhavetospendalotoftimealone,Iwillfeel...

A.Boredordepressed B.Relaxedandrefreshed34. Regardlessofwhatotherpeoplesay,deepdownIfeelthatIam...

A.Prettynormal B.Kindofweird35. Ivalue...

A. Harmony and authenticity B. Accuracy and effectiveness 36. Ithinkbestwhen...

A.My surroundings are clean anduncluttered B. I donothave tofollowaprocedure37. Ipreferto...

A.Engage B.Observe38. Iamusuallymoreentertainedby...

A.Therealityofwhatisgoingonaroundme B.Myinterpretationofwhatisgoingonaroundme39. Iusuallyobey...

A.Myheartmore thanmymind B.Mymindmore thanmyheart40. Ilike...

A.Toknowwhat I amgetting into B.Adapting tonew situations41. WhenIamproblemsolving,Itendto...

A.Thinkout loud B.Closemyeyes toshutoutdistractions42. Aconversationaboutpurelyabstractideasandtheoriesisusually...

A. Kind of annoying B. Totally energizing 43. I believe feelingsare...

A.Alwaysvalid,whethertheymakesenseornot B.Valid,aslongastheymakesense44. Itakeprideinbeing...

A.Dependable B.Free-spirited45. IfIgotothegymorlibrary...

A.Itaketheopportunitytointeractwithpeople B.Ifindaplacebymyself and focus on my work 46. Under most circumstances, Inaturallypaymoreattentionto...

A.Whatishappening B.Whatcouldbehappening47. Itrust...

A. What my heart tells me B. What my head tells me 48. I amnaturallymore...

A.Organized B.Disorganized49. Iprefertodiscussthingswith...

A.Agroupofpeople B.Onepersonatatime50. WhenIneedtodomybestwork,thefeelingofinspirationis...

A.Great,butifIdonotfeelinspired,itdoesnotaffectmyabilitytogetthingsdone right B.Vital, and if Idonot feel inspired, it isverydifficult forme toproduce something I amhappywith51. I tend topaymoreattentiontomy...

A.Emotions B.Thoughts52. Iammore...

A.Orderly B.Random53. Whenworking,Iloveto...

A.Be in themiddleof theaction B.Closemydoorandenjoy thequiet54. Sometimes...

A.Ipaysomuchattentiontothefacts,eitherpastorpresent,thatImissnewpossibilities B. I thinksomuchaboutnewpossibilities thatIdonotlookathowtomakethemareality55. Itisworsetobe...

A. Unsympathetic B. Biased 56. In general, I think peoplewouldbenefitfrommore...

A.Responsibility B.Spontaneity57. Wheneverpossible...

A. Iconnectwithpeople B. Iavoidunnecessary interaction58. Ineverydaylife...

A.IoftenmeetpeoplewhoseemtoseethingsthewayIdo B.Itis

rare to meet someone who really seems to be on the same“wavelength”asme59. Itismoreimportanttobe...

A.Kind B.Fair60. Forappointments,Iamusually...

A.Ontimeorearly B.OntimeoralittlelateToscore:

1. Use the chart on page 304 to tally your A and B answers. Add the totalnumberofAanswersintheboxatthebottomofeachcolumn.Dothesameforthe B answers you have checked. Each of the 8 boxes in the Totals columnshouldhaveanumberinit.

2.Nowyouhavefourpairsofnumbers.Circle the letterbelowthe larger totalfor each pair. If the two numbers of any pair are equal, circle both.Read thecorresponding type description for both options. For example, if your score isESxJ,havingcircledbothTandF,readthetypedescriptionsforbothESTJandESFJandchoosethedescriptionthatisyourbest-fittype.

When you discover your best-fit type, it often fits like a glove. Look for theprincipleswithineachtypedescription,andtrynottogetcaughtupintoomanydetails.Everypersonmanifeststheirtypeuniquelywithoutdisruptingtheoverallpattern.

ScoringMechanism

MyCarModelUsing your Myers-Briggs four-letter code, create your Car Model here.ReferencePart 1: Systems andTheory for information on cognitive functions,dichotomies,Myers-Briggs types, and theCarModel.Use the space below totakenotesifneeded.

CarModelNotes

Acknowledgments

Theworldisabetterplacethankstopeoplewhowanttodevelopthemselvesandhelp leadothers todo thesame.Thisbookwaspossiblebecauseof thepeoplelikethisinourlives.

Wewouldlovetothankallthementors,friends,andfamilymemberswhohaveinfluencedus.Itwouldbeimpossibletonameeveryonehere,butwewouldliketonameafewpeoplewhowerepartofthecreationofthisbook.

Thanks to theamazingCharisBransonwhohelpedkeepourcompanyrunningsmoothlywhilewewere taking longwritingabsences.Yourattention todetailand help in editing portions of the material was our secret weapon foraccomplishingthisproject.

Thankstotherestofourteamduringthewritingofthebook:NiiCodjoe,RyanPark,HollyMcIntosh,andKimberlyRuffner.Youalldemonstratedleadership,patience,andsupportwhilewewereawaywriting.

ToourchildrenGunnar,Sawyer,andPiper…sorryforthelongdaysofwriting.Wearedonenowandcanhopefullyreturntonormallife.Thankyouforbeinggreatkidsandforallyourpatience.

ToJoel’sparents,MarkandDebbi,forwatchinggrandkidsforlongstretchesoftimesowecouldfocusonwriting.

Thank you to the Personality Hacker community, the Intuitive AwakeningFacebookgroup,andparticularlytothemoderatorsinIAforholdingdownthefort,readingoversectionsofthebook,andgivingfeedback.

Andthankstoyou.Thisbookisnothingwithoutyouasareader.Wearegratefulthatyou’vedecidedtoreadourlittlebookonpersonalitytypesandwehopeyoutaketheseideasandcreatethemostepicandpassionatelifeyoucan.

AbouttheAuthors

Joel MarkWitt andAntonia Dodge are podcasters, entrepreneurs, personaldevelopmentcoaches,andpersonalitytypologyexpertswhohaveconsultedwithcompanies like Zappos, Oracle, American Express, CNN, and many others.Through theirProfilerTrainingCourse, theyhave taughthundredsofstudents,including CEOs, coaches, investors, and law enforcement agents, to use theirunique conversational typing method and help others uncover their best-fitMyers-Briggs personality. Joel and Antonia also host the popular PersonalityHackerpodcast.Eachepisodeisaconversationthathelpsyoucreateawarenessaroundhowyouarewired,givesyoupermission tobewhoyou trulyare,anddesignacustompersonalgrowthpathforyourlife.

They live in Pennsylvania with their daughter Piper, Joel’s sons Gunnar andSawyer,andagoldenretrievernamedDuncan.