Pentru Viata magazine - Spring 2014

No. 2 ♥ Spring 2014

The British and Australian Adoption Practice

The Pregnant Teenagers’ Problems

Begging for Love. An Adopted Child’s

Recollections

The Girl from My Dream. How I Adopted Two Children

“Let Me Tell You a Nice Story!”

Adoption, the Noble Choice

F r Life

F r Life

ALBA IULIA Centrul de informare și consiliere pre și post avort al Episcopiei Ortodoxe Str. Mihai Viteazu, nr. 16 Tel. 0748.498760, 0258.821.693 www.filantropiaortodoxa.ro Bianca Elena Mărginean Centrul Iochebed Bd. Transilvaniei, bl. 54, ap. 24 Tel. 0358.401.487 [email protected] www.ccalba.ro

ARAD Asociația M.A.M.A. Arad Calea Românilor, nr. 4-8, bl. K2, sc. A, ap. 1 Tel. 0257.211.041, 0740.167.676 [email protected] www.mercysactionmission.com Maria Magdalena Mureșan Asociația Ieromonah Arsenie Boca Tel. 0756.150.645 [email protected] www.arsenieboca.org Dr. Corina Guzgă

BRAȘOV Fundația Iochebed B-dul Griviței, nr. 61, Bl. 46, Sc. E, Apt. 1. Tel. 0368.449.283 [email protected] www.mercysactionmission.com Daniela Fagadar

BUCUREȘTI Clinica Pro-Vita InternaționalBd. Nicolae Titulescu nr. 93, sector 1 Tel. 021.223.5855, 0744.389.987

[email protected], www.clinica-provita.ro Psih. Roxana Voicu Asociația Pro-vita pentru Născuți și Nenăscuți – Filiala București Str. Brândușelor, nr. 3, bl. V78, sc. 2, ap. 44. Tel. 0744.982.925 [email protected] www.provitabucuresti.ro Psih. Roxana Puiu

CLUJ Clinica Pro Vita B-dul. 21 Decembrie, nr. 86Tel. 0264.431.891, 0748.127.021 [email protected] www.clinicaprovita.ro Dr. David Ille Asociația Filantropică Medical Creștină Christiana — Proiectul „Pentru Viață” Policlinica Sf. Pantelimon, str. Ion Meșter, nr. 10. Tel. 0747.033.563 [email protected] www.pentruviatacluj.ro Dr. Christa Todea-Gross Fundația Agape pentru Ocrotirea Vieții Calea Moților, nr. 16, ap. 4 Tel. 0749.067.877, 0743.142.168 [email protected] www.terapeuta.ro Cabinetul „Providence”Str. 1 decembrie 1918, nr. 130, ap. 36. Tel. 0740.353.469,[email protected] Sr. Augusta Griguța

CRAIOVACabinet Individual de Psihologie

Silvia Georgeta Ionescu Str. Popa Șapcă, nr. 2, bl. B1, ap. 8 Tel. 0762.844.234 Psih. Silvia Georgeta Ionescu

CONSTANȚAAsociația Pro-vita pentru Născuți și Nenăscuți – Filiala ConstanțaTel. 0723.560.044, 0769.233.631 [email protected] www.provitaconstanta.ro Pr. Florin Carabuz

DEVA Centrul Noua Speranță Str. M. Kogălniceanu, bl. F5, sc. 4, ap. 62. Tel. 0354.419.090, 0771.032.569, 0735.501.797 [email protected] Lucica Mîrza Asociația M.A.M.A. Deva Str. Liliacului, Bl. 17, Sc. A, Apt. 2 Tel. 0354.803.686 [email protected] www.mercysactionmission.com Nina Kovacs Asociația Misiunea Ajutor Pentru Femei Al. Jupiter, bl. 22, ap. 46 Tel. 0763.633.909 [email protected] ajutorpentrufemei.cabanova.com Rafila Crișan

GALAȚIAsociația Pro-vita pentru Născuți și Nenăscuți – Filiala GalațiTel. 0743 040 118 [email protected] Sabina Costache

HUNEDOARAAsociația M.A.M.A. Hunedoara Str. George Enescu, nr. 12, Bl. 108, Sc. A, Ap. 4. Tel: 0354.416.911 [email protected] Iulia Moldovan

IAȘICentrul de formare și consiliere „Sfinții Arhangheli Mihail și Gavriil”Strada Tălpălari, nr. 12 Tel. 0232.215.157, 0751.214.017 [email protected] Centrul de Consiliere Psihosocială și Terapie „Primul Pas”Bd. T. Vladimirescu, nr. 89, bl. 89, sc. A, ap. 2. Tel. 0232.277.901 [email protected] www.primulpas.org Geanina Ungurianu Biroul de Asistență Socială „Diaconia” - Centrul Infoadolescent Str. C. Negri, nr. 48 Tel. 0332.456.021, 0771.647.593 [email protected] www.infoadolescent.ro CIP (Centrul de Informare și Prevenție) - Pro vita Iași - MMB Tel. 0753.427.368, [email protected] www.provitaiasi.ro Dragoș Bălinișteanu - Coordonator Centrul de ajutoare a mamelor aflate în dificultate „Praesidio” (Pro vita Iasi - MMB) Telefon: 0756.333.890 [email protected] www.provitaiasi.roCosmin Brînză - Coordonator

ORADEA Centrul de Informare și Consiliere „Puls”Str. Aurel Lazăr, nr. 4A, ap. 8 tel. 0359.800.665, 0755.206.787 email [email protected] www.centrulpuls.ro Cornelia Gherle

PIATRA NEAMȚ Consilierii Asociației Familia și Viața Roman și ai A.S.C.O.R. Iași — Proiectul „Dreptul la viață” pot fi prezenți la Piatra Neamț

REȘIȚA Asociația MAMA ReșițaStr. Independenței, nr. 5, ap. 16 Tel. [email protected] Sanda Molin

ROMAN Asociația Familia și Viața Str. Ștefan cel Mare, nr. 228 Tel. 0233.742.505, 0333.404.506, 0745.905.748 [email protected] www.familiasiviata.ro Iuliana Petruț

SIGHIȘOARA Casa Vieții Str. Tache Ionescu, nr. 10 0265.779.773 [email protected] Jill Mihai

SUCEAVA Centrul Iochebed Str. Curtea Domnească, nr. 1, bl. 14, Sc. B, Ap. 2. Tel: 0230.523.380 [email protected] www.centruliochebedsv.ro Gabriela Antonesei

TÂRGU MUREȘ Fundația Mater Bulevardul 22 Decembrie 1989, 12/2 Tel. 0265-250540, [email protected], www.mater.ro Psiholog Aurica Laurențiu

TIMIȘOARA Asociația Darul Vieții Str. Gh. Doja, nr. 25A Tel. 0356.445.040, 0721.335.704 [email protected] www.darulvietii.ro Gerda Chișărău Fundația Estera Str. Timotei Cipariu, nr. 3 Tel. 0256.492.862, fax 0356.809.205 [email protected] Fundația Pro Vita MedicaStr. Bucovinei, nr. 11 Tel. 0723.440.393 [email protected] www.provitamedica.com Dr. Cristina Valea

» For more counseling centers, please access marsulpentruviata.ro

Studenți pentru viață Association

Website: www.studentipentruviata.roE-mail: [email protected]: +4 0751 859 467

Misiune

We believe in respecting all people’s right to life, since conception and to their natural death and we consider that supporting mothers will lead to forming responsible youth for family and society.

Pentru viață editorial team

Editor: Alexandra NadaneEditorial Coordinator: Ștefana TotorceaCollaborators: Ștefania Gabriela Hălăucă, Veronica Iani, Ioana OnofreiDesign: Cătălin ApostolCover 1 photo: Cromatica Photography

Many thanks to the ProValori Media association for their support in publishing this magazine. E-mail: [email protected]

Pregnancy Crisis Counselling Centres in Romania

CONTENTS ♥ no. 2

1 Editorial

2 I’ve Become Pro-Life As Soon As I Gave Birth

3 Adoption During Pregnancy. The British and Australian Practice

4 The Pregnant Teenagers’ Problems

5 Begging for Love. An Adopted Child’s Recollections

6 Press Release / Romania’s March for Life: “Adoption, the Noble Choice”

7 The Girl from My Dream. How I Adopted Two Children

8 “Let Me Tell You a Nice Story!”

9 Did You Know They Were Adopted?

I. What have we done in a year?In the first issue of our magazine, I wrote about the change brought in my life by a young woman who was going through a pregnancy crisis. I met her when I was 16. Her pro-life choice, the way things happened and the fact that now she has a family with three kids made me aware that support for mothers, children and family is one of the most important forms of social responsibility. This is how Studenţi pentru viaţă came into being, this is how I met my colleagues, this is how dear friends who wanted to get involved joined us, and together we’ve tried to offer love, encouraging and sup-port to young women in crisis situations.

A year has passed and I feel emotional writing about all that happened. We have witnessed extraordinary things, especially as we solved some problems by making the im-possible happen. This is how I’ve noticed that, when you are ready to make a sacrifice, to get out of the comfort zone, God makes miracles. This is true of all the people who contributed —even just a little — to this effort which goes far beyond our powers. We are deeply grateful to each and every person who helped us, espe-cially to those who did this in the most secret and discreet way.

II. What have we understood in a year?The responsibility of organizing the March for Life in Bucharest and coordinate all data on its sister events nation-wide is a real test — not as much for our organizational abilities as for our souls.

This time we’ve turned to the parents. We’ve also listened to children. We knew about those who uttered a silent scream. Now we’ve hear those who tell about the difficulties of a child who appears unexpectedly in his or her parent’s life.

“In school they pointed fingers on us (they called us ‘the foster kids’), we were offend-ed, derided, humiliated, torn apart by sharp words. We were outcasts… In our prayers we only asked for parents, not for toys. We begged for a smile. We were begging for love!”, a mother of four now writes about her child-hood before being adopted.

“I was crying, but, when Mum first took me in her arms, a divine connection appeared — I grew quiet and she fell in love with me,” tells us an adopted daughter about her first meet-ing with her new mother.

“Who doesn’t love children, who is not able to give love, who cannot sacrifice himself for others, who cannot forget about oneself, they should not adopt a child! Adopting a child does not only mean changing an unhappy desti-ny, it also means fulfilling one’s life,” wrote a mother who adopted two children.

You will read these testimonies in this mag-azine. They have shown us an ascending path. What lies at the top of it is most aptly described by the last gestures of the orthodox religious service held for adoption: “The adopted kneels before the adopting parent, who raises him, saying: ‘Thou art my Son; this day have I be-gotten thee.’ (Ps. 2, 7), and embraces him while the priest gives his blessings.” New life buds, new people in a new family grow of what might have been the ashes of certain lives. There’s no better definition for nobleness.

III. What do we want for the future?Romania can and must build the future of its most vulnerable children through policies adapted to reality and internationally tested. We need the Romanian adoption law to pro-vide for real solutions to common situations. For example, we need to legalize starting the adoption process during pregnancy. This will greatly reduce abandonment and infant death and, according to statistics from other coun-tries, where this practice is quite success-ful for years, will offer to many children the chance to enjoy the loving care of real family — which is the only environment that can give them wings to become accomplished people.

Talk to your family, to your friends, to the lawmakers. Tell them why adoption is always the noble choice.

And some practical advice. In Romania, to adopt, you first have to follow the Course for acquiring the abilities of an adoptive parent. Follow it, who knows when a child will cry after you, naming you naming you “father” or “mother”!

EDITORIAL

Romania’s March for Life 2014 — “Adoption, the Noble Choice”

by alexandra nadane

Photo: Diana Cristescu

No. 2 ♥ Spring 2014 1

In some states, the adoption process can be started from pregnancy. This helps children avoid staying for years in foster care homes, which can psychologically harm them. It also helps mothers who cannot raise their children avoid the enormous stress caused by uncertainty related to their child’s and their own future. The American and Australian practice have shown the efficiency of this approach, which could greatly benefit Romanian children.

I am pro-life, but I used to be pro-choice. I once believed that if you did not want to take care of a baby, you didn’t have to. I thought it was fine to “erase” your

mistake and not have to worry about it. It’s called being pro-choice: the woman’s choice to give life or not.

I could not have been more wrong. I am a living testimony of being pro-life. I went through the life-changing expe-rience of putting my daughter up for adoption.

You see, I found out I was already two months pregnant on the 7th of April 2012. I had no emotions when I saw that plus sign on the pregnancy test. There was neither shock nor shame. I was just an-other seventeen-year-old pregnant girl. My boyfriend Michael and I researched all the possibilities there were to try to figure out what we should do.

Yes, we thought of aborting our child, but there was a feeling in my heart I can’t describe that made me say “no” to abortion. I knew I would not have been able to go through with it. I was the one who got pregnant. I was the one who made the mistake, not my child. I had to take responsibility for my actions, and aborting my little miracle was not taking responsibility; it was getting rid of “it”, taking the easy way out.

Michael and I went to Newlife, an agency that offers the possibility of an open adoption between the birth parents and the adoptive ones. We met a very caring social worker named Caitlyn, who helped Michael and I decide if we were going to keep our child or put her up for adoption. She had us write down the pros and cons of both parenting and adopting.

We realized that we were not ready

to parent and we didn’t have the financ-es or the time. We were not going to be able to give our daughter the life she deserved, which is why we made the choice to put her up for adoption.

I wanted a family who biologically could not bear children of their own because I wanted to share that special bond with them of having their first child also be our first child.

For nine months I could have changed my mind and decided to be her parent, but I didn’t. We chose the family a mere few days after they sent in their home study. It was fate that my daugh-ter was placed in the arms of such a loving family.

The adoptive family felt so blessed to have been picked by us. I could see the longing in their eyes to be able to hold a child of their own. They had waited three years to be able to finally have a young one on their own and I knew they were the ones I wanted to raise my baby.

Giving birth to my daughter and feel-ing her warmth against my chest and her breath on my skin brought tears to my eyes. I could not believe I even thought of abortion. I am so honoured to have been able to give a family such an amazing gift.

Doing adoption made me realize that babies change a life for the better. Yes, you are judged, some might not support you, and it is the hardest thing you might ever do — but the feeling of giving someone something they cannot have on their own is priceless. I cannot express how much good it does in your life. Your outlook on life changes totally.

It was after I put my child up for adop-tion that I became pro-life. It is simply not fair to take a baby’s life when you

have the opportunity to give your baby to a family who is desperately looking to love a child of their own.

I knew I made the right decision when I got to witness the adoptive mum as she laid her eyes on her daughter for the very first time. She cried tears of love and bliss: it profoundly touched me. The mum gave me a necklace of our baby’s birthstone so I will forever have a daily reminder of her. Our daughter also has my birthstone so she will always know who I am and have that bond with me.

I became pro-life immediately after giving birth to my little miracle. Ava Elizabeth was born at 5:39 a.m., on the 29th of November 2012, to the loving arms of Kyle and Marie. I believe unborn chil-dren should have the opportunity to live and experience life. I am a living testimo-ny, and I am proud to share my story.

by BrIttany rotz Read the whole story on stiripentruviata.ro

Photo: Dreamstime

I’ve Become Pro-Life As Soon As I Gave Birth

Pentru viață / for life 2

Countries like Australia or the US have a so-called “open adoption” law, which allows starting the adoption process during pregnancy. It has proved an excellent solution for all parties involved. We present you some excerpts from the leaflet Considering adoption for your child, made by Western Australia’s Fostering and Adoption Services Department. The leaflet targets pregnant mothers who are considering giving their unborn child for adoption. The leaflet is adapted after another material, Pregnant and thinking about adoption?, published by the British Association for Adoption and Fostering in 2009.

♥ Social workers will explain to the natural parents what adoption means and what their rights are, without putting pressure on them to make a decision either way.

♥ The mother can raise her child herself, with support of the other parent and/or extend-ed family (the child’s grandparents etc.)

♥ The child can be placed in foster care for a short period, while the mother considers her options or the family reunites. The parents can take the child back after they prove they have a stable home.

♥ The Australian Adoption Act 1994 allows the mother a long period of time to think.

♥ It is illegal to make private arrangements to have your child cared for by someone else if this may lead to an adoption. The penalties are a $25,000 fine and a two year term of imprisonment.

ConfidentialityThe mother decides the degree of privacy about her child. She decides who to tell about the birth the baby. She decides whether to tell her parents or to the other relatives the truth about the baby, in case the child will later want to know his natural family.

Temporary foster care The child may be placed with a foster carer while the mother decides what to do. Mothers are encouraged to visit the child. Sometimes they are reluctant to do it. Staff are happy to discuss the reasons and will not place any pressure on the mother.

The other parent’s rightsBoth parents have equal parental rights and legal responsibility for the child. Both must give their written consent for adoption. Sometimes it is not possible and a dispensa-tion may be obtained from the Family Court.

How much time you have in order to think about adoptionAfter signing the papers, there is a 28-day ‘revocation period’. It starts when the Director General of the Department for Child Protection acknowledges all parties’ con-sent, and the consent. The mother can still change her mind during these days.

How are the adoptive parents chosen?The social worker will ask the mother about the important qualities she wants in the adoptive parents and the preferred lifestyle. A match will be made with this information and approved applicants waiting for an ad-optable child. The would-be adoptive parents must have a clean police record, go through a detailed screening by the Child Protection Service and provide a medical report.

An assessment report is written and then presented to a committee of experts for evaluation.

The mother will receive 3–4 pre-approved profiles of families who want to adopt. The profiles will include information on each family’s qualities, lifestyle, religion and medical history etc.

Anonymous adoption, not the best solutionIn the past it was thought that anonymity was the best for the child. But then it was realized that it distressed all parties in-volved. Lately, society’s attitude towards pregnancy outside marriage became more relaxed. Research has shown mothers who gave up their children for anonymous adop-tion suffered all their lives for not knowing what happened to them. Also, many adopted children want to know about their original family heritage.

Open adoption: natural parents can see their child afterwardsAfter 1995, in Australia most parties to an adoption know each other. Adoptive parents must explain the situation to adopted child in a way that he can understand.

How all the parties keep in touchAn Adoption Plan is made, which is legally binding and sets out how often and what sort of information will be shared (letters, pho-tographs, videos), by whom and how. It also states if and how often the natural parent can contact the child and the adoptive family. It outlines how meetings will be arranged and where. The plan can be changed by mutual agreement, but needs to be approved by the Family Court. There are heavy penalties for any breach of it.

Evaluation period before confirming the adoptive parentsWhen the child has been with the adoptive family for six months, they can apply for an Adoption Order from the Family Court. During the six months a worker visits the family to see how your child is settling in and offers advice and support. The worker will provide information to the Family Court, which will decide whether to grant an Adoption Order, which is definitive.

The child’s nameThe child will take the last name of the adoptive parents. However, the child’s first name cannot be changed without permission from the Family Court.

Source: dcp.wa.gov.au/FosteringandAdoption/Pages/

PregnantAndConsideringAdoption.aspx

Adoption During Pregnancy. The British and Australian Practice

No. 2 ♥ Spring 2014 3

We are so happy to see parents look at cartoons, play volleyball and behaving like school kids. We often wonder how they were at our age. We think they have always been grown-ups, they have always done good deeds and they learned well in school. But what if mum and dad are still in school? The teenage pregnancy issue is more actual than ever. A reporter from the Russian newspaper The School interviews Michail Hasminsky, an orthodox psychologist and author of a book on the psychology of crisis.

Reporter: What should a teenage girl do in such a situation?M.H.: The most important thing is to un-derstand that powerful emotions cannot help her take the right decision. She needs to calm down and start thinking, not feeling. Gather all your thoughts, put them down on paper and find the pros and cons. But only thoughts, not feelings. Expressions like “I feel like…, it seems like…, it’s as if…” must be put aside.

R: What exactly influences decision?M.H.: Fear. Aristotle said: “Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.” The keyword here is “anticipation”: “What will the boyfriend, the parents, the pro-fessors tell?” But these problems are not part of reality. They arise from imagina-tion related to what could happen. This “could” is usually very far from reality and it is what fuels fear. Do you remem-ber how scared we were in childhood, when we listened to vampire stories? Because we imagined them, not because they were real.

It’s very important not to be scared of your own thoughts. These are what scares you and troubles you terribly. Fear is the worst of all. Fear and pow-erful emotions often result into panic. Have you seen people in panic? They can’t reasonably deal with any problem! In such a state of fear you won’t be able to make the right decision.

R: How can we solve that?M.H.: By thinking logically and clearly. Think of the consequences of abortion. There is a serious risk that you become infertile. And this will be a much greater

problem later than giving birth now to a child. Abortion is a crime. Think how you’ll feel afterwards. Maybe you’ll be killing the daughter who would be your best friend or the boy who would be your reliable support. What if you would have been aborted, too? This decision will deprive the child of sunlight, of the first love, of sunrises, of friends… and you of the possibility to love, to communicate, to receive support, to live for this child.

R: To whom can girls in this situation turn for help?M.H.: Usually, it’s difficult for a young girl to be confronted with pregnancy crisis all alone. Most of the times, they shall turn to their mothers. The mother must give her support, create the necessary conditions for her to calm down and think straight without shame or fear. If not, she should turn to a wise spiritual person, a helping one — her grandmoth-er, a friend’s mother, a priest, a profes-sor, a psychologist or somebody else. R: How to ask for help?M.H.: We must forget about the deceiving feeling of shame. It’s absolutely normal to ask for help. Take the first step: admit that you’re not perfect, that you are in a difficult situation. Don’t be afraid. God is with you. And He works through people. But you need to make efforts, too.

R: What efforts?M.H.: You must go beyond selfishness and start thinking of the life that grows inside you. A child is not a toy. Only you can protect its life. No one else can. Or on the contrary, you can kill it. The

responsibility of this decision lies in your hands. The word “responsibility” comes from “response”. And you will re-spond to Life, to God and to people.

R: What advice do you have for teenage girls?M.H.: Let’s imagine that on the way you find a big shiny precious stone. But you cannot carry it. And your travel compan-ions advise you to abandon it: “How will you drag it after you? What’s the use of such a burden at your age?” Maybe there is even a boy who is afraid to carry the heavy burden for you. But are these valid reasons to make you throw away this pre-cious stone? There lies your future, there lies all the joy of life: the first cry, the soft little hands, the motherly kisses… Think that you are carrying something heavy but precious beyond compare. Could you throw this in the dirt, by the road? Or you should gather all your strength and carry this gift of life? The choice is yours.

by MIchaIl hasMInsky, crisis psychologist Read the whole article on stiripentruviata.ro

First published in Familia Ortodoxă magazine, no. 47

Translated by: Ioana Onofrei Photo: Dreamstime

The Pregnant Teenagers’ Problems


Begging for Love. An Adopted Child’s Recollections

There’s no human on Earth who doesn’t hide in his/her heart an impressive collection of guilty deeds, pain, suffering, sadness,

failure and frustration, hopelessness and disappointment. All of us have hidden them well. Fear, guilt, shame of our thoughts and deeds are buried deep inside the closet, where we are sure not to see them anymore. Then life rushes on us and, without even realizing, we become grumpy and dissatisfied with our life, with the people around, with ourselves. You make one mistake after another until you wake up and you’re already old and alone. Isn’t it, my sweet mother?…

I was a chance child. I never knew my father. He doesn’t even know I exist. I’d like to meet him, maybe I have other brothers and sisters whose names I don’t know and can’t say in my prayers. I’m the fruit of love at first sight, of a fleeting affair, the fruit of sin.

I won’t ever understand why I was such a burden for my mother… For years I longed for her embrace. I don’t want to

judge her. Maybe she had her reasons, more or less justified. May the Mother of God protect her and grant her wisdom and time for salvation. But her isolation and the fact that she still doesn’t accept me and my sister hurt me.

All her attempts to abort me were in vain. Neither bitter drinks, nor beatings

could chase me away from the warm shelter of her belly. I was stubborn enough to survive, to be born, to be a fighter.

Two weeks together with me were too much for her. She left me — a bundle of diapers — in the street. Sweet dear Mother Ana, bent by time and adver-sities, raised me, cared for me, put an “angel in my soul” and taught me to take the first steps and utter my first words. A stranger and yet a MOTHER whose em-brace I’ll never forget!

After I turned three, foster homes, with good or bad, gave me home, food, education — and also jungle-like shivers, pain, fears crowded in my childish soul. And unnatural hell of loneliness.

We were making up prayers in dark dormitories and the Mother of God ca-ressed us in our dreams, soothed our physical and soul pain, wiped away our gushing tears that erupted in the middle of the night. Imagine a home where at night dozens of children are weeping! For years I was haunted by the sobs rising from the souls deserted by their parents.

In school they pointed fingers on us (they called us “the foster kids”), we were offended, derided, humiliated, torn apart by sharp words. We were outcasts… In our prayers we only asked for parents, not for toys. We begged for a smile. We were begging for love!

I was nine when I first learned how to smile. It was on the Feast of the Resurrection that. I met my future par-ents. George and Maria were simple people, modest, maybe even a bit severe, but this was good for me. They knew how to plant in me righteousness, hu-manity, responsibility, faith in God and especially love.

Adoption was made a few months later with the acceptance of my natu-ral mother. I was hurt by the ease with which she gave me away as if I were an old dress, but I’ll never forget the joy and happiness my new parents were showing.

I give thanks to good God for everything He gave me, for the second

chance of adoption, for my three moth-ers (the one who gave me life and the two who raised me), for a wonderful father. I lovingly carry his memory in my soul, now that he has moved to the Lord after a soul-saving fight with un-forgiving cancer. I am closely surround-ed by hundreds of children at school, where I teach. God found me worthy of giving birth to four wonderful chil-dren — three boys and a girl — and of a loving husband. The joy of motherhood, the accomplishment of having a family cannot be compared with anything. I live modestly, but I feel so much richer next to them!…

by a.s.P., Bistrița-Năsăud, Romania Photo: courtesy of the author

No. 2 ♥ Spring 2014 5

BUCHAREST, the 17th of March 2014 — The March for Life is an annual international event initiated 40 years ago in the USA and extending to more and more European and North American states. It pro-motes appreciation and protection of the children’s life starting from conception and support for the idea of family.

This year, Romanian cities will see the fourth edition of the March for Life on the 22nd and 23rd

of March. The 2014 theme is “Adoption, the noble choice.” We have chosen it because something needs repairing. Romanian society often abandons both its children and their mothers. We say that children are a gift, that they are joy, that they’re the future. But we are doing too little — and sometimes even less than that — for their future.

Adoption is the natural solution to protect chil-dren born by mothers in difficulty, whose families cannot assume the responsibility of raising a child.

Unfortunately, Romania does not have an adop-tion culture. Adopted children are seen as sec-ond-rate children. The adopting family is perceived as unnatural. The natural mother or both natural parents who give their child for adoption are con-sidered unfit to be called parents. These depictions are incorrect and make the adoption process and the child’s integration very cumbersome.

If we focus on the child’s interest, everything will change. An adopted child is a blessed child, whose life has been nurtured by two sets of par-ents. Adoptive parents are admirable in their love. And the natural parents must be given all the sup-port in order to take a fully responsible decision. And this decision must be in the child’s interest from all points of view. Under no circumstances should they be despised for having chosen, often with great pain, to trust someone else with raising and educating their child.

As for the Romanian adoption law, it does not provide solutions for some of the most common sit-uations. For instance, we should legislate to allow the adoption process to start during pregnancy. This will reduce abandonment and infant death and will increase the number of adoptions. Romania

can and must build the future of its most vulnerable children through international-ly-tested public policy that is well-adjusted to reality.

We wish to set these thoughts in the Romanians’ hearts. If we succeed in sending a message to society that our country needs an adoption culture, this will lead the nation to a culture of life. Join us in the March for Life, the biggest public event that pro-tects life in Romania!

This year, the Studenți pentru viață organization has coordinated the local March for Life actions throughout Romania and has organized the series of events related to it in Bucharest.

In the Capital, the March for Life will be held on the 22nd of March, starting from 2 p.m., on the route between Unirii Square (Unirii Park) and Tineretului Park (the Șincai entrance). The event will end with a concert in support of adoption which will be held, between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. in the Tineretului Park by Vlad Miriță, Alexandra Ușurelu, Bogdan Vladau, Anthony Icuagu (from Vocea Romaniei, the Romanian version of The Voice show), Vlad Stoia (Vocea Romaniei), Beatrice Vladan (Vocea Romaniei) and Ioana Picos.

More details about the program of events re-lated to the March of Life 2014 in Romania can be found at www.marsulpentruviata.ro.

Alexandra Nadane,President of Studenți pentru viață Association

s â m b ă t ă22 MARTIEde la ora 14.00TRASEU: Piața Unirii – Parcul Tineretului, intrarea Șincai

C O N C E R Tde susținereParcul Tineretulu iîntre orele 16.00 – 18.00

adopția,o alegeren o b i l ă

M A R Ș U L P E N T R U V I A Ț Ă 2014

Interpretează: Vlad Miriță, Alexandra Ușurelu, Bogdan

Vlădău, Anthony Icuagu (Vocea României), Vlad Stoia (Vocea

României), Beatrice Vlădan (Vocea României) și Ioana Picoș.

www.marsulpentruv iata.ro

PRESS RELEASE

The Romanian March for Life 2014: “Adoption, the Noble Choice”


The Girl from My Dream. How I Adopted Two Children

Somebody asked me to write a few words about adopting children, in order to encourage this im-mensely good deed. Why should

I write about it? Because I did it. Twice, not just once! Why to adopt a child? To do a noble thing, to do good, out of mercy, out of civic responsibility?… No! For love! Only for the sake of love!

Who doesn’t love children, who is not able to give love, who cannot sacrifice himself for others, who cannot forget about oneself, they should not adopt a child! But whoever knows he can do all that should go to a big foster care centre and God will guide his steps to the child destined to fill his life. It’s not you who chose the child, it’s the child who chooses you!

And, from the very first moment, as soon as you’ve taken the child into your arms, you will know this child will be your reason to live. It’s hard to explain what you feel at that moment! I’ve been twice through this, but it’s so deep that words are powerless.

Our first child was a new-born little girl. Two weeks before, God had showed me a sign that she would enter my life. I dreamt of her! I dreamt I was at the ma-ternity, I had an easy delivery and I was

standing between two lady-doctors with a beautiful little girl in my arms. I woke up laughing and told my husband what I had dreamt.

Then, in two weeks’ time, they called me to the city maternity, where six babies had been abandoned by their mothers after birth. Five boys and a girl! And, in three days’ time, that beautiful girl was in our home: a birthday present for me, a name-day gift, a gift for our wedding anniversary. Whoever doesn’t believe in destiny should start believing right now!

For 21 years now, this miracle is our life, our destiny and reason to live! She’s beautiful, smart, gifted, because her steps were accompanied by our immense love, our immense care, by our permanent presence and support. And each moment she gave us in our life is a treasure!

Two years after our first adoption, visiting a children’s home on Christmas, with gifts and sweets, God guided my eyes towards a four-year old little boy. When the little girl next to him asked me for more cake, he gave her his plate.

This changed his destiny. And ours. He also entered our life and never left. He’s our boy forever. God made smooth our path to adopt them and God has always helped us to be their parents!

We were lucky. Our life was fulfilled through our children’s presence. Nothing is harder in life than being a parent! There’s so much fear, so much concern, so many obstacles. But it’s wonderful. There are also so many satisfactions, so much accomplishment and so much love! It’s a pity to go through life and don’t ex-perience that…

And there are so many children for whom life hasn’t been a winning ticket and who can barely wait to fulfil some-body’s life! And so many people who have love to give but they are afraid or don’t know the way to the open arms of chil-dren waiting to be held and snuggled!

If you have your mind, your heart, your soul full of love to be given to a child, let yourselves guided by God do that! Adopting a child does not only mean changing an unhappy destiny, it also means fulfilling one’s life. God helped us. Your life on Earth is just as meaningful. Taking this step is really worth it. And nobody’s children deserve such a chance!

by Ioana VladIMIr, Bucharest, Romania (The name was changed to protect the identity)

Photo: Shutterstock

No. 2 ♥ Spring 2014 7

Mum could not have children because of a virus. She was once pregnant, but she lost the baby at 16 weeks. After

endless treatment failed, she decided, together with Dad — God rest his soul! — to adopt.

They started looking around, con-necting, networking… In the end, some close friends sent them to a con-tact person from the Bucur Maternity Hospital.

In the fine morning of the 25th of March 1986, Mum came to the hospi-tal and the first person she met there was this nurse. Then she met me, “a little long girl” — I was only two days old, weighed around 2 kilos (4.5 lb) and was over 40 cm (15 in). I was “the most beautiful baby” Mum had ever seen, with beautifully pink complexion and blue eyes. I was crying, but, when Mum first took me in her arms, a divine connection appeared — I grew quiet and she fell in love with me.

My natural mother was only 15 when she gave birth to me, while my natural father was in his thirties. The classic story: she had grown under his eyes, he fell in love, she became pregnant. He did not even know, because he had left the country…

Mum quit school. My grandmother would have liked to keep me, to care for

me and raise me as her own daughter. But they were five living in two rooms: my natural grandparents, my natural mother, my uncle and another aunt. My uncle was participating in many school contests and the bachelor’s degree was coming and he could not learn because the baby was crying. He said that anoth-er baby in the house will make him leave home. So they decided to put me up for adoption.

Then they made some requests and placed some gifts in the appropriate places, so that I can get into a home. I was almost going to Sweden. Too good I didn’t in the end, because I really don’t like the cold!

When he saw me, Dad started to cry — with happiness! All his life he spoiled me like a princess: the daily food pack for school, breakfast in bed on week-ends, holidays, French fries whenever I wanted (even when there was no gas for the stove and he had to wait for hours before they were fried on the heater). He made it as clearly as possible that he was proud of me, proud of his princess!

Mum took care of my manners and my academic training. She stayed home with me until I was nine. When I was four I already knew a lot of songs and poems. In the first grade I could read, I was taking English and French lessons, I was doing modern dance, society dance,

studying the violin and eating with knife and fork like a little lady, keeping the elbows close to my body. She also guided me towards training college, which helped me discover my love for children that I fructify daily at work.

How wonderfully does God arrange everything! Dad had brown curly hair and green eyes and Mum had a delicate nose and full lips. That is what I “inherit-ed” from them. On my right hand I have the same moles Mum had on her right hand and on my left hand I have the moles Dad had on his left hand. Exactly the same, of the same dimensions and in the same place! Let’s not forget we’re talking about those who raised me, not about my natural parents. I haven’t met the latter, I don’t know anything about them…

Anyway, I only consider mother and father those who raised me! I’ve felt as their own flesh and blood all my life.

This is my story, a story Mum told me when I was 14. She started like that:

“Let Me Tell You a Nice Story…”

by Mara nIstor, Bucharest, Romania (The name was changed to protect the identity)

Photo: Shutterstock

“Let Me Tell You a Nice Story!”


For those who still believe an adopted child is bound to fail, here is a revealing list of first-rate personalities.

Did You Know They Were Adopted?

Photos on Covers 3 & 4: The White House, The Library of Congress, Wikipedia, cinemagia.ro, robgallagher.org, felicitymartin.co.uk

Bill Clinton, ex-president of the United States, was raised by his grandparents in his first years of life, because his father had died before he was born.

Justinian the Great, Byzantine emperor of Thracian-Roman origin, was adopted by his uncle, the future emperor Justin I.

Nelson Mandela, ex-president of South Africa, whose father died when he was nine, was unofficially adopted by a local tribal chief.

Nancy Reagan, former American First Lady, was adopted by her uncle and aunt after her parents divorced.

Michael Reagan was adopted soon after birth by US President Ronald Reagan and his first wife.

Eleanor Roosevelt was raised by her maternal grandmother after her mother and brother died of diphtheria.

Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, never met his natural father, because he had been put up for adoption as soon as he was born, in 1955, when abortion was illegal in the US. His parents could not get married because his father was a Syrian Muslim and his mother’s parents opposed.

VOICES FOR LIFE

“Not having children makes less work — but it makes a quiet house.”Susan Glaspell journalist, Pulitzer Prize winner

“The soul heals when you are around children.”Fyodor Dostoyevsky Russian writer

“Being a parent wasn’t just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life.”Jodi Picoult American writer

“Where do I come from? From my childhood. I come from my childhood as if it were a country!”Antoine de Saint-ExupéryFrench writer

“In the houses with many children, like in the beautiful depths of the Romanian language, there’s no place left for boredom.”Grigore Vieru Moldavian poet

“Wherever mother is, there is home.”Felicity MartinBritish writer and photographer

“I think adoption is a blessing all around, when it’s done right.”Hugh Jackman, Australian actor

Pentru Viata magazine - Spring 2014

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Transcript of Pentru Viata magazine - Spring 2014