Peer Review Sydney Underwood[1]

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    Underwood 1

    Sydney Underwood

    2/16/2012

    English 1102

    September 11th

    , 2001 Historical Inquiry

    On September 11th

    , 2001, our world was forever changed. Four passenger planes were

    hijacked and flown into the World Trade Centers by terrorists. Within hours, the towers

    collapsed. This event left Americans wondering what was next to come, and what exactly this

    meant for America. Many say history repeats itself, so this thought left us with the similar

    attack on Pearl Harbor, that was a sudden attack on the United States as well. Looking back on

    both of these events, a nation that thought they were secure, were unexpectedly surprised by

    attacks on its own land.

    September 11

    th

    left America with many lost and forgotten lives. The attack was not

    geared toward military nor government officials, but sadly civilians going about their everyday

    lives. Americans knew who their attackers were and even that they may be at war, but did not

    know what the future held. Through all the chaos and tragedy, Americans responded with

    urgency and patriotism. Americans started to buy and display American flags, donate to

    charities across the nation, and come together as a family. But, difference of opinions still

    remained and cause havoc.

    There are many conspiracies that have arisen following September 11th. People believe

    that there were inside traders that knew about the attack even before it happened. Fishy business

    Comment [FM1]: Reviewed by Marvin Ferru

    Comment [F2]: Reviewed by Farrell Scappato

    Comment [FM3]: Usually MLA format has yo

    name, then the professors name, the course, an

    the date last. Dont want to lose some easy poin

    right.

    You also want to make sure that in the page layo

    tap under the paragraph tap for spacing, you clic

    the empty box that says to not add extra spacing

    between paragraphs.

    Comment [FM4]: Might want to revise this

    sentence. It makes it sound like all planes hit the

    World Trade Center.

    Comment [F5]: May want to wait until after

    intro paragraph to provide specific examples

    Comment [FM6]: Might want to think about

    thesis statement so the reader knows where you

    going with the rest of the paper.

    Comment [FM7]: Who exactly were the

    attackers? How do we know it was them?

    Comment [F8]: May want to revise this sente

    Americans did not know what the future was to

    hold but knew who their attackers were

    Comment [F9]: Used Americans a lot in this

    paragraph, maybe try us citizens or civilians

    Comment [FM10]: Americans

    Comment [FM11]: came

    Comment [FM12]: What kind of opinions? H

    did this cause havoc? Like were there riots or

    protest?

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    Underwood 2

    was taking place in the stock market and insurance companies prior to the attack. Such as, an

    enormous about of put options and stocks being put into United Airlines, which were the airlines

    to be hijacked. Many believe that traders profited from the attacks.

    Another conspiracy was that the trade centers were bombed. The collapse happened very

    similar to that of a controlled demolition. Witnesses reported that on their way out, they heard

    explosions. Scientists as well as architects have studied the incident and say that a planes fuel

    cannot produce enough heat to melt the steel frame in which the towers were built. The fourth

    hijacked plane, Flight 93, was reported to have crashed in Pennsylvania. Many believe that the

    plane landed safely while another staged plane was shot out of the sky. Others believe that the

    planes passengers were murdered and relocated, never to be found. Also, the hijackers are

    believed to be alive in other countries. The question has been raised, that how has the passports

    and identifications survive an explosion that destroyed buildings?

    Another shocking conspiracy was that the cell phone calls made from the plane were in

    fact fake. Scientists pointed out that cell phones could not receive reception from the altitude that

    planes typically fly at. It was noticed that well over 4,000 Jewish employees took off work on

    the day of the attack. The first recordings of the attack were those from Jewish cameras. Lastly,

    commercial airplanes are constructed out of aluminum in order to make it easier to fly. Scientists

    believe that aluminum airplanes could not do the damage that was done to the steel towers.

    Comment [F14]: I agree, maybe find a more

    rofessional way to state your opinion. prior to t

    attacks the stock market and various insurance

    companies were experiencein fraud etc

    Comment [FM15]: Might want to mention o

    of your sources or a source that gives your

    statement some strength. Like proof because yo

    can say there was fishy business going on but th

    reader cant really believe you without evidence

    Comment [F16]: Give an example/ citation o

    article that believes this theory

    Comment [FM17]: I actually watch somethin

    like this on the history channel. They did an

    experiment simulating the events at 911. You mi

    want to find a source about these studies done a

    include some of the findings to defend this

    argument that the planes fuel couldnt melt the

    steel.

    Comment [FM18]: I have never heard of this

    an argument. I kind of sounds like just hear say

    You are going to have to find a credible source t

    give a clear argument with evidence if you want

    include this clam as possible in your paper.

    Comment [F19]: Could use a synonym of inf

    Comment [F20]: You mention scientists in b

    paragraphs I would probably say historians or cr

    Comment [F21]:

    Comment [FM22]: What is a typical altitude

    Comment [FM23]: You are going to have to

    really have find some sources that cover if this

    theory is true or false because you are making a

    very big statement here that all the cell phone

    conversations that people had before their loved

    ones died were fake.

    Comment [F24]: us the word documented a

    If it was use a citation

    Comment [FM25]: This just seems out of pla

    with including the Jewish community. It is kind a

    statement out of nowhere.

    Comment [F26]: Why? You could definitely b

    up your paper if you provide examples and

    explanations to these facts

    Comment [F27]: I agree, I think your paper h

    good start, I would keep the different conspiracy

    in different paragraph (cell phone calls and Jewis

    people are completely different topics) also you

    definitely add more detail, if you got these

    conspiracies from credible sources go into the ..

    Comment [FM28]: Am not exactly sure whe

    you are going with this paper because you start

    with the tragedy of Americans lost and coming..

    Comment [FM29]: I really am just trying to hyou write the best paper you can, but I feel this

    paper is all over the place. Your paper so far is ju..

    Comment [F30]: Also dont forget your in te

    citations!!! Hope this helped see you tomorrow!

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    Page 2: [1] Comment [F27] Farrell 2/20/2012 6:02:00 PM

    I agree, I think your paper has a good start, I would keep the different conspiracyies in different paragraph (cell

    phone calls and Jewish people are completely different topics) also you can definitely add more detail, if you got

    these conspiracies from credible sources go into the articles and try to find more specific evidence as to why each

    theory could be plausible.

    Page 2: [2] Comment [FM28] Ferrufino, Marvin 2/20/2012 2:05:00 PM

    Am not exactly sure where you are going with this paper because you start off with the tragedy of Americans lost

    and coming together, but then go into a large amount ofconspiracy theories. You may want to just focuson a few, more source credible, conspiracies if what you want to do is mention the different

    conspiracies around 911. In this last paragraph alone, you mention 3 completely differentconspiracies without much detail or sources to credit these different claims.

    Page 2: [3] Comment [FM29] Ferrufino, Marvin 2/20/2012 2:10:00 PM

    I really am just trying to help you write the best paper you can, but I feel this paper is all over the place. Your paper

    so far is just jumping from conspiracy to conspiracy without any real detail or elaboration or credible sources to

    support your research paper. If conspiracy is what you are after, then I feel the best thing is to just focus on 2 or 3

    theories and really go into detail with them and have sources to support each theory. You want to make the paper

    interesting and engaging for the reader. If you work hard on detail with sources, you can be having the reader

    thinking in their head like what is reality and whats not? That would be an interesting paper to read that

    challenges the reader to think.